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Just this once.

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Olivia lay in her bed staring at the ceiling hoping that sleep would come, but it never came. Her mind was running miles. All she could think about was Elliot. Was he okay after what went down. She knew that this would affect him, they have been partners for 12 years, they both know each other better than anyone else no matter how much they would like to deny it. Because of this she is cared at how he is reacting, how he is feeling. She doesn’t want him to hurt.

Turning her head, she looks at the clock on her bedside table, 2:04am. With a groan she puts her hands on her forehead and sighs knowing that this was going to be a long night.

A loud banging noise fills her apartment and she shoots up pushing the covers off of her and running and grabbing the gun that sits on the chair in the corner of her room. Putting it up she keeps her back to the wall and makes her way through her apartment and towards the front door. She looks the peephole and sighs with a relief and puts her gun down.

She opens the door and sighs. “Elliot what are you doing here, its freezing gets in” she says grabbing the arm of his shirt and pulling him in. Once he was inside, she closed the door and turns to look at him. “El why are you here, are you okay” she asks stepping closer to him.

Shaking his head, he sighs. “I don’t... I don’t know” he confesses looking down. “I just don’t feel anything” She nods understanding.

Elliot looks up at her and steps closer to her. Olivia leans back a little confused at what he is doing.

“El what are you doing” she asks confused. Elliot leans his forehead on hers with his eyes closed and sighs again.

“Please Liv. Make me feel something” he pleads wrapping his arms around her waist. “El we can't do this”.

“Please Liv, just this once”, he opens his eyes and looks into hers. “I need you”.

Groaning Olivia puts her hand on the back of his head and pulls his lips to hers. Elliot pulls her so that their bodies are flushed against each other. Elliot moves back so that Liv is against the wall. Moving her hands down his back, Liv plays with the bottom of Elliots shirt. Without removing his lips from hers, Elliot starts to unbutton his shirt. Once all of the buttons were undone Olivia puts her hands on his chest as he takes it off. Once it was off, Elliots hands go down to Olivia's ass and cups it giving it a slight squeeze. Olivia groans and leans back.

“Tell me you want this Liv” he asks looking into her eyes. Olivia puts her hands on his cheeks and smiles. “Fuck me El”. And with that Elliot lifts her up, her legs wrapping around his waist and kissing him once again. Elliot walks to her room and slams the door behind them as they head towards the bed.

They fall to the bed and Elliots lips move down Olivia's neck as she moans. His fingers run over her hips feeling her skin. Olivia puts her hand to his chest and pushes his back slightly. Elliot looks into her eyes as she removes her top and her bottoms. She smiles at him and Elliot groans as he looks at her body. “God Olivia” he says before kissing her again. Olivia turns them around and pushes him down onto the mattress. Elliot looks at her confused before he smirks as her hands go to his belt undoing it. As his belt is flung onto the floor, Olivia's hand goes to his zipper and Elliot leans back and groans at the feeling of her hands near his dick.

Oliva looks at him and smirk. “You're not going to cum are you, Elliot. We’ve only just started” pulling down his pants. Chuckling Elliot sits up and looks at her as she drops his pants to the floor. Looking at him she smirks as well before straddling him. They look into each other's eye's hands roaming, Elliots hands goes to Olivia's bra and unclips it feeling it go loose around her. Olivia removes it and Elliot sighs as he looks at her breasts. “So beautiful” he says before he kisses them. Olivia groans and leans back. Elliot sucks on them more before flipping them around and onto the mattress.

Elliots kisses moves down further and further before he is at the top of her pants. Elliot kisses over the edge and Olivia moans. “Please El”. With a smirk, Elliot pulls them off and groans when he sees her folds. Leaning down, Elliot kisses the insides of her thighs moving further and further before looking up at her for consent. Olivia nods and Elliot moves down and starts kissing her clit. Olivia gasps putting her hand to her face and moaning. “God El.” Elliot sucks holding her legs as she arches her back and moans. “Don’t stop El. Don’t stop” she pants grabbing onto her bedsheets. Elliot pumps his tongue in and out of her and can feel her going to cum.

Smirking, Elliot stops and moves up to look at Olivia who is whining in protest to him stopping. “Why did you stop” she asks annoyed. He smiles at her. “I want to feel you come on my dick”. Olivia smiles and pulls him down giving him a peck on the lips. He leans back and pulls down his pants. Olivia's eyes go wide at the look of him standing there naked. Elliot puts his hands on either side of face and looks deep into her eyes. “Liv when I start, I am not going to be able to stop. Are you sure about this” he asks. Olivia smiles putting her hands on his face. “Yes, I'm sure. Now stop asking me if I'm sure and fuck me”. With that’s Olivia is placed on her back with Elliot on top of her.

Elliot looks into her eyes as he enters her and they both moan at the feeling. Looking into her eyes Elliot could cry. He had been thinking about this for so long and it had been more perfect than he could imagine and he wasn’t even done yet. Olivia leans back and moans as he rocks into her. Olivia moves her hands down to his ass and grabs it and Elliot groans picking up his pace. Olivia runs her hands up his back and kisses him. Elliot kisses down her neck and her breasts and he moves into her. Soon Olivia cries as she feels herself cum. Elliot groans as he cums and collapses on top of her.

They lie there for a minute before Olivia speaks up, “El, I need to go to the bathroom”. Nodding he lifts himself off her head and takes her hand helping her up. She smiles at him kissing his cheek as she limps into the bathroom. Elliot smiles before getting into the bed and lying down. After a few minutes Olivia walks back into her room and smiles at seeing Elliot in her bed. Walking over she climbs into the bed and looks at Elliot who is smiling at her. Elliot reaches out and brings her into his arms. Olivia sighs feeling relaxed. Elliot kisses her head before both of them fall asleep.

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Olivia woke up and groaned at the light that was coming into the room. Putting her hand out to Elliot she was shocked when she couldn’t find him. Opening her eyes, she sees that he isn't there. Sitting up she pulls the sheet over herself and looks around the room. It was only her clothes on the floor not his. They were gone. Getting out of the bed she wraps the sheet around her and walks out into the hallway. “Elliot” she calls, walking around. The bathroom door was open, he wasn’t in there. Looking into the kitchen/ living room area she sees that he’s not there either.

She sighed, “damn it” she whispers, her voice cracking a little bit. She sits on the couch and puts her head in her hands. How could she be so stupid to think that he would stay. Like he said, just this once. After a minute, she sits up taking a deep breathe, wiping her face she stands up and walks towards the bathroom to take a shower. She wanted to get the feeling of him off of her, because any time that she thought of him it broke her heart, not matter how hard it was for her to admit it.

Having cleaned up and put on her work clothes, Olivia stands in the mirror and looked at herself. Her lips were still lightly swollen from all of the kissing. Her hand goes up to her lips and she runs her fingers over them to remember how he felt when he was kissing her. How he felt. Moving her hand away, she takes one last look at herself before grabbing her bag and leaving for work.

The precinct was busy as it always was. Walking in she sees Fin and Munch at their desk. “Morning Liv” Fin says to her as she walks towards her desk. She gives him a small smile before putting her bag down and walking towards the coffee machine. Fin looks over to Munch who just gives him a shrug before returning back to his work. Cragen comes out of his office and looks towards Fin who raises his eyebrows at him. Cragen gives him a nod before walking towards Olivia.

Olivia pours the hot coffee into a mug not noticing that Cragen was there behind her. Cragen looks at Oliva as she looks at her coffee, he knew what she was like when she got like this. “Liv” he says, she snaps out of her trance and looks at him. “Yeah” she asks. “You okay” he asks her. Olivia gives him a small smile. “Yeah, I'm fine”, Olivia tries to walk past Cragen but he gently takes her arm. “Livvie, you know if there is something wrong you can come to me” he assures her. Oliva gives him a nod before walking back to her desk.

Lunch time quickly rolls around, Olivia looks across at Elliots empty desk, wondering where he was. Turning around in her chair she looks at Fin and Munch who were grabbing their coats to go out to lunch. “Hey, do any of you know where Elliot is” she asks. They both shrug. “I assume he’s taking some time off after what happened” Munch suggests. She nods. Of course, how could she be so stupid to think that she was the only reason for him not coming in. He shot a teenage girl who had killed sister Peg. “Thanks” she says before turning back to her paperwork.

Fin walks over to her and puts a hand on her shoulder. “Do you want us to bring something back for you” he asks. “I’m fine, thanks” she replies. Fin knowing not to push her, he gives her shoulder a squeeze before walking with Munch out of the precinct. She watches them leaving and looks over at Elliots desk, she knows she can’t sit around here all day.

“Hey guys, wait up” she calls grabbing her bag. Munch and Fin stop and watch her walk towards them. “I’ll join you” she says. Fin smiles and the three of them walk out.

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Weeks had passed since that night. Olivia sat across from Elliot every day, taking glances at him every once and a while but he never looked her way. Things were different between them; it would never be the way that it was before. She couldn’t stand them being like this and she wanted to do something but Elliot was ‘taking some time off’ as Cragen said which meant that she couldn’t do much now, all she could do was wait for him to come back, she wasn’t going to be that girl who would call him over and over again waiting to hear where he was.

Sitting at her desk, Olivia sighed as she looked at all of the paperwork that had to be done. Another negative with Elliot being away was that all of the paperwork was left for her to do, meaning that she was at the precinct until late, not that she didn’t do that before but now it was all the time. She was exhausted, not that she would admit that.

Olivia groans as she puts her head in her hands, a wave of nausea goes through her and she takes a deep breathe. “You okay Olivia” Alex asks her as she stands over her desk with a cup of coffee in her hands. Olivia looks up and nods.

“Yeah, I'm fine just tired” Olivia comments before turning back to the paperwork. Alex nods at her before walking over and knocking on Cragen's door. Olivia sighs again before picking up her pen and writing.

Minutes later, Fin and Munch walk in with food in their hands. “Hey Liv” Fin says walking over to her with his sandwich in his hand.

“We talked to that witness for the case and lets the vibes that they were giving me and the way they were acting makes me think that there is something going on wi...” Fin tells her. Olivia gets a whiff of his sandwich and her hand goes to her mouth and she shoots up of her chair and runs towards the toilets.

Alex and Cragen come out of his office with confused looks on their faces. “What's going on?,” Cragen asks Fin who all he can do is shrug. “No idea cap, but I will say that she did look a little pale,” he comments. Alex nods, “she didn’t look great when I came in either, I'm going to go check on her,” she says before walking off towards the toilet. “Alex makes sure you tell her that if she is sick then take a day, I don’t need a sick detective” he calls to her. Alex nods, “got it.”

Alex walks into the toilet and hears Liv throwing up in the stall. “Liv” she says as she knocks on the stall. Olivia groans, “I'm fine” she calls. Alex shakes her head and sighs. “Liv come on we both know you not fine”. Olivia opens the stall door and looks at Alex before walking to the sink. “Seriously Alex I am fine,” she repeats while washing her hands. “Maybe you should take a sick day, I mean you have been working you ass off since Stabler decided to take some time off” she comments and Olivia shakes her head with a slight smirk on her face. “Trust me, him taking time off was the best thing for him and me” Olivia comments before walking to the door. “What does that mean” Alex asks curiously. Olivia freezes for a second before speaking, “nothing, we just...” she sighs. “We just needed space was all” she says before opening the door and walking out.

Alex follows her out into the hall. “Liv...” she speaks but Olivia cuts her off. “Alex please I don’t need this right now "she starts as she turns and faces Alex. “No, I'm not going to pry I just need to tell you that Cragen says to take a day. He says he doesn’t need a sick detective”. Olivia looks at her and nods. “Okay, thanks” as she turns and walks back to her desk. Maybe taking a day would do her some good.

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A few more weeks had pass and nothing had changed, well except for a few things with Olivia.

Standing in front of the mirror Olivia groans as she tries to close her pants. “Come on,” she huffs as she tries to pull up the zipper but the zip wouldn’t budge. Giving up she throws her hands up and sighs before sitting down on her bed. Running her hands through her hair she looks over at herself in the mirror. Standing up she moves in front of the mirror pulling her shirt up and putting her hand on her stomach. She couldn’t deny that it was possible, couldn’t keep telling herself that it was just stress from having to do two people's job. She was pregnant, and she hadn't seen the dad in weeks.

After finding some pants that would fit her, Olivia made her way to work but not before she made a quick stop at the store and buying a pregnancy test. She never though that this would ever happen for her. That she would be pregnant but here she was, almost certain that she was. Besides the little bump that wasn’t noticeable to anyone but herself, her boobs hurt, she was nauseous all the time, always tired, more than usual. There were so many sighs. She was a detective and even she hadn't figured it out until now. After buying the pregnancy test, Olivia heads to work with the pregnancy test securely in her bag, she would wait until later to take it.

The day was going quickly, Olivia had been that absorbed in the case that taking the test didn’t even cross her mind or the fact that she was most likely pregnant.

Standing up, Olivia walks into Cragen's office to talk to him about the case. After talking to him he looks at her sadly. “Can you close the door please” he asks her. Raising her eyebrows, she turns and closes the door before turning back to him. After a short pause he speaks. “Elliot put his papers in” is all he says. Five words which caused Olivia's heart to stop. He wasn’t coming back. “There was nothing I could do” Cragen tells her and she looks up at him with tears in her eyes. Olivia felt sick. All of the emotions taking her too quickly. “Liv are you okay” he asks her and she nods. “Do you want to take a day”. Liv shakes her head before wiping her nose. “Umm no I'm fine, but thanks” she says before turning and walking out the door.

“Hey Liv” Finn calls to her. She turns and looks at him. “We are going out in a few minutes want to tag along” he asks. She looks at him for a minute before clearing her throat and nodding. “Umm... yeah just give me a minute and we’ll head out okay” she says quickly before grabbing her bag and heading to the bathroom.

Opening the stall door, Olivia drops to her knees and throws up into the toilet. Every time that she thinks that she is over a thought of Elliot makes her throw up again. She was never going to see him again. He had changed his number, how was she going to get in contact with him. After dry heaving a few times, Liv leans back against the wall and looks at the bag which was now lying out on its side with the pregnancy test half out. Olivia looks at it for a minute before taking a deep breath and grabbing it. She needed to know. Needed to know if she was going to be a mom or not. Was this possible child going to grow up without a father or not. Was she stupid enough to sleep with her partner and allow him to get her pregnant.

After peeing on the stick, Olivia sits with her back on the wall and waits for the results. The test was flipped in her hands so that she didn’t see the results. She was scared, scared beyond belief that the one thing that she wanted most in the world was happening like this.

When she thought of having a baby, she always thought that she was going to be married with a loving husband, they were going to take the test together and hold each other and cry tears of happiness upon finding out the news. Yes, it might be a little fairy-tale-Ish by that was what she though was going to happen. Not her sitting on the floor of the precincts toilet after finding out that her partner and the father of her baby had left. It was far from a fairy-tale but that was most of Olivia's life. Far from a fairy-tale.

After what felt like ages, Olivia takes a deep breathe before turning the test and tears come to her eyes as she looks at it. Two strong- ass pink lines beam at her, changing her life forever. Olivia puts her hand to mouth and sobs. She was pregnant. Everything rushed over her in a moment and she didn’t even notice the person come in until they knocked on the door. “Liv” he says. Olivia cries before standing up and opening the door and looking at Fin who was standing there confused. Olivia looks at him with her eyes red and tears streaming down her face. He could see the test in her hand and even though he couldn’t see what it read he knew from her reaction, that she was pregnant. Fin moves forward and brings her into his arms as she cries. As she cries in his arms all he could think about was, who was the father?

Chapter Text

Fin didn’t ask Liv anything else just stood there and allowed her to hug him. After a few minutes she composed herself and wiped her eyes.
“Umm… I’m going to take the day off so you and Munch go ahead” she says before turning and grabbing her bag. Fin scoffs.
“Liv do you honestly think that I’m going to leave you on your own at a time like this” he expresses. Olivia shakes her head going to walk past him.
“Fin it’s fine. I’ll deal with this”.
“What do you mean by deal with this” he asks and she stops in her tracks and looks at him.
“It means that I’m going to go home and process that I’m 43 years old, pregnant and the father is not in the picture so I have to decide how I’m going to have a child Fin” she yells at him. He just stands there and watches her as she pushes her hair back and sighs.
“What do you need to me to do” he asks her. She just sighs and groans.
“Can you just take me home” she asks. Fin nods before walking out with her.

After telling Cragen that she was going to be taking the day off, Olivia and Fin walking down to the car getting in and Fin drives her off to her apartment. The atmosphere was quiet, both of them had nothing to say but so much to say. They both didn’t know what to say to each other.
“So are you keeping the baby” Fin asks. Olivia turns and looks at him with her eyebrows raised.
“Look I will support you in anything that you decide to do Liv. Your body your choice” he says and she just turns and looks out the window, shaking her head.
“I’m keeping the baby. I know that much” she tells him and he nods.
“Okay then” he says with a small smile on his face.
“What” she asks him and she just continues smiling.
“I’m happy for you is all Liv. I know this is not how you imagined things like this were going to happen for you but I mean, your finally going to get a baby of your own” he expresses and she can’t help but smile a little bit. For the first time since she had found out that she was pregnant it had actually hit her that she was going to be a mother. She was going to have a baby of her own, something that she had wanted for so long.
After that they both sit in a comfortable silence until they reach Olivia’s apartment. Liv turns to get out and Fin stops her.
“Liv” he says and she turns and looks at him.
“Keep me updated okay. If you need someone to go with you to any appointments just give me a shout okay” he tells her and she nods smiling.
“Yeah. Thanks Fin” she says before getting out and shutting the door behind her.

After getting home the first thing Olivia does is ring and book and appointment with a doctor to confirm the pregnancy. She knew that with her age that the pregnancy would be high risk and she wanted to get everything sorted as quick as possible. Sitting in the couch Olivia looks at her stomach and she can’t help but put her hand up to rest on it and to rub it and she smiles at the thought of a baby being in there. Her and Elliot’s baby. Tears go to her eyes at the thought of him. He was gone. He wasn’t going to come back and she knew that he might never know about their baby and she didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing. She would love for him and her to raise their baby together but then there is his other kids: Maureen, Kathleen, Dickie, Liz and Eli. How would they react to something like this. How would Kathy react to this. To the fact that the fear that she had for most of Olivia and Elliot’s partnership had happened, they had slept together and now she was pregnant with his baby. Olivia puts her hands up to her face and allows herself to bawl her eyes out. To finally be able to cry on her own. To grieve her lose.