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Criminally Irritating

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"You can't arrest me for creativity!" protests the wild orange-haired man in a loud, scream-y voice that Tsukasa can't believe hasn't gotten him kicked out of his apartment by now. There's been so many complaints about him in the last four months since Tsukasa was appointed to his new position, he knows the layout of the building by heart without having to check anymore. Nowhere else he's been called complains this frequently. 

"I'm not arresting you for creativity," Tsukasa says patiently. "I'm arresting you for vandalism and violations of noise bylaws."

"For what?" Tsukinaga folds his arms and Tsukasa clears his throat.

"Vandalism," he repeats, in Japanese this time. "You've been drawing in permanent marker on the corridor walls and neighbours' doors and generally making a racket. This is not the first, not the second, but the fifteenth noise complaint that my station has received about you. And your building has stricter noise rules than most other apartments."

"Then why haven't they kicked me out yet?" Tsukinaga grins. "Because they all secretly love my music! Wahahahahahaha!"

When he laughs, his entire body shakes, like a tiny flower in an earthquake, and Tsukasa doesn't understand how he manages to keep from falling over.

"After all, I'm a genius!"

Tsukasa sighs. The fourth time he was dispatched here, he was complaining to Adonis, who patted his shoulder but didn't have much to say about the subject, when Yuzuru overheard their conversation and informed him that Leo Tsukinaga is apparently a nationally-renowned composer. Tsukasa's not sure how he found this out, since most of his music is credited under pseudonyms, but it's general protocol around the station not to ask too many questions about how Yuzuru knows things. He just does. So when Tsukinaga says he's a genius, Tsukasa can't exactly assume it's mere narcissism causing him to overestimate himself. However... that doesn't make his behaviour acceptable!

"Your landlord was willing to overlook the noise for you multiple times," Tsukasa explains slowly, even though as a police officer he doesn't really have to explain this to the criminal. "But he draws the line at vandalism of private property. It's unacceptable to doodle music notes all over the hallways. You're a nuisance to the community, and I, Tsukasa Suou, have come here to arrest you."

Tsukinaga crosses his arms and sticks his bottom lip out in a pout more childish than anything Tsukasa's seen in years. "People think I'm a nuisance...?"

"Of course they think you're a nuisance!" Tsukasa exclaims. "Are you messing with me?"

Tsukinaga plants his hands on his hips and laughs again. "Am I? Am I?! Maybe I am, Officer Boring!"

"My name is not Officer Boring," Tsukasa informs him curtly. "It's Officer Tsukasa Suou of the Community Safety Bureau."

"Sorry! I'm bad with names, and you're more," Tsukinaga pauses, "boooooooooooring," he directly locks eyes with Tsukasa, "than you are anything else to me! Now leave, leave, I'm a genius who has to return to my work! Your presence is sucking away all my inspiration!"

"No!" Tsukasa shrieks, then covers his mouth when he realizes what an embarrassing sound he's emitted. How utterly undignified!! And it's all this annoying man's fault! "I came here to arrest you! Put your hands out right now!"

Tsukinaga's eyes widen. "Are you going to handcuff me? No, no, no, that's no good at all! How will I compose without my hands?"

"You will still have your hands ," Tsukasa rolls his eyes, pulling the cuffs off his belt. Leo looks almost about to run back into his apartment, but he furrows his brows contemplatively with his eyes trained on Tsukasa for a long moment instead, before finally raising his hands. Tsukasa locks the metal cuffs around his wrists.

And then he's very, very, very quiet.

Tsukasa leads him back to the police car, the racket Tsukinaga was making earlier an ephemeral dream, dissolved into the air like the whisper of a ghost. Tsukasa's skin stands up as he starts the engine. 

They're turning onto the main road when Tsukinaga finally breaks the silence.

"You should let me drive," he says, and Tsukasa nearly misses the red light. He slams choppily on the breaks like some novice still learning how to drive instead of like a former traffic cop. 

"Absolutely not!" he splutters. "What kind of ridiculous request is that? The criminal driving himself to the police station?!"

"I know how to drive," Tsukinaga tells him. "I'm very good at go-karting, for your information."

"Go-karting is not the same as driving!" Tsukasa screeches. "What's wrong with you!?"

"Well, play some music, then, at least, Officer Boring," Tsukinaga drawls from the backseat, and Tsukasa sees him lie down in the rearview mirror. "Or else I'll have to bang my head against the window into a rhythm."

"Are you an idiot?" Tsukasa asks, and Leo laughs wildly again. 

"I'm not an idiot, idiot!" he exclaims. "I'm a genius! Everybody knows that, Officer Boring, and you would too if you actually listened to the gift I'm always giving my neighbours for free!"

"My name is not Officer Boring!" Tsukasa shouts as he pulls into the station, slams the door behind him when he steps out of the car and then rips Tsukinaga's door open. "My name is Tsukasa Suou, but you, Leo Tsukinaga, criminal and delinquent whose crime is that he refuses to stop being annoying , will address me as Officer Suou! Are we clear?"

Tsukinaga watches him seriously, gaze so intense Tsukasa feels his heart begin to race, and then gives Tsukasa three long, slow blinks.

"I understand... Officer Boring."


Tsukasa grabs him roughly by the arm and drags him into the station, Tsukinaga whistling a tune behind him and scurrying with tiny footsteps to keep up.