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my mirror (staring back at me)

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Eddie notices a lot of things.

It’s part and parcel of being on edge for his whole life, waiting to be caught off guard for showing any weakness. He anticipates things before they happen, has gotten in the habit of clocking details that others might miss or dismiss, manages to take in all his surroundings before he even steps into a space and tries his best to catalog details before he makes a call.

So, Eddie notices things.

But above all, he notices Buck.

He’s noticed Buck since the first day he met him, when the other man was nothing but all bark, no bite and a fear Eddie hadn’t fully understood until later into their friendship.

Grenades and adrenaline-rich situations have a way of forging bonds they can’t replace, but they also have a way of revealing parts of the person afflicted. Eddie had known then itself that he’d signed over a part of himself to Buck the minute he’d slid his hand into his.

He just hadn’t imagined that Buck had done the same.

So, Eddie notices things — but above all, he notices Buck.


It starts in the firehouse, after a rescue that could’ve gone so wrong, but doesn’t .

The car they’d just cracked open had been precariously perched on top of a tree branch jutting out from the cliffside. It had held a full family of four, and for a terrifying two hours, they had thought that they’d only be able to pull out two.

He and Buck had used the car’s momentum to their advantage instead of death’s, grabbing the two children from the backseat right as the car plummeted to the sharp rocks below, gone unseen by the night.

A risky save Eddie would never have attempted without Buck by his side, because it had taken a wealth of communication just to stay in sync so they didn’t come back up with one child and not the other.

It was, to put it lightly, a miracle.

“We’re perfect together,” Buck says enthusiastically, bumping his shoulder into Eddie’s as they walk into the locker room together.

And Eddie, who tries to make a practice of at least pretending to be professional while working with his boyfriend, says without thinking, “ You’re perfect.”

He says it as if they’re at home and Eddie can tell Buck that he’s beautiful or perfect in the same way he used to disguise his heart behind “miracle workerand “godsend” when they weren’t together, when getting to be with Buck like this was nothing more than a pipe dream.

(When Eddie was still pining, according to May.)

Eddie still tells him those two things, but now, he gets to whisper them into Buck’s skin, gets to kiss him to emphasize his point and show his gratitude, gets to pull him into a hug when he can’t bring the words to his tongue, gets to be bolder about the ways he shows him affection.

So, he’s become more than familiar with the way Buck reacts when Eddie tells him anything along the lines of a compliment.

Sometimes he ducks his head as he smiles. Sometimes, he looks away. Sometimes, he changes the subject. 

And times like these, he snorts and waves Eddie off — as if Eddie’s being silly, exaggerating, kidding .

But every single time, his eyes drop away from Eddie’s.

Eddie doesn’t know why today’s the day he really notices, but he’s looking straight at Buck when he sees the disbelief rise to his expression, a fondly exasperated look crossing his face along with a flicker of something else that Eddie can’t put his finger on. 

It passes quickly enough that Eddie could chalk it up to exhaustion, or just seeing things, but to his bones, he knows that it is something.

He doesn’t know why it bothers him, but as soon as Buck opens their locker, Eddie wraps a hand around his wrist, feeling for the steady pulse that thumps under the thin skin. “Hey, you know I mean it, right?”

“Mean what?” Buck asks, rummaging through the locker and avoiding Eddie’s eyes.

Classic escapism.

Eddie knows better than to push while they’re on this high of an accident with no loss, coming back to the station at three in the morning, exhausted and high on adrenaline. But he can’t help but press closer anyway, dipping his head to whisper in Buck’s ear.

“You’re perfect, okay? I mean that.”

He doesn’t give Buck a chance to reply as he presses a fast kiss to his cheek and slips away before anyone can catch them, but the conversation sticks in his mind.

And he starts playing closer attention.


It happens at least fifteen times by the end of the week.

When Eddie tells him the food was great, or if he tells him how good he looks in that sweater, or if he tugs Buck into a kiss because the way his shirt stretches across his shoulders is a little too much for Eddie to handle, his expression shuts down for the barest second.

He sees it in the bedroom, too, where even lost in pleasure, Buck’s expression creases until Eddie chases it away with his fingers and lips, trying to press all the love he has into Buck’s skin to wipe out any lingering insecurity that could dull the edges of the high they’re chasing.

It’s not until Chris tells Buck that he’s the best that Eddie finally puts a name to the expression he’s grown familiar with over the past week. Buck’s smile stretches wider as he ruffles Chris’ hair but as soon as the kid’s back is turned, that same expression flickers across his face again, the smile a gruesome slash for that second.

Uncertainty.

Eddie won’t stand for Buck feeling uncertain about whether he deserves to be told that he’s the best, or that he’s doing good, or that he’s perfect.

He makes a plan.


It’s not as easy as just saying the words more often.

Eddie knows how well words work, knows how insecurities work. He has to figure something else out — something that won’t make Buck think that Eddie’s just placating him.

He gets the idea one day when he’s got Buck spread out in front of him on his stomach, his back a flushed red as his arms curl tightly around a pillow, hanging on with a white-knuckled grip as Eddie fucks him into the mattress.

Eddie bends over him, plastering his chest to Buck’s back as he presses kisses along the strong line of his shoulders, his hips rolling into Buck’s in long, deep strokes. He trails his fingers up Buck’s side to wrap around his torso, towards his nipple, pinching and rolling the sensitive bud between his fingers.

He can imagine how red the flesh would be under his ministrations, how tender Buck’s chest will be when he slides a shirt back on, know how pretty he’ll look when he flops back onto his back after this is over to curl quietly into Eddie’s chest, hair mussed and face red, various love marks littering his skin. 

“You’re so good for me,” he rasps without thinking, probably for the first time that he can remember, and Buck releases a choked whine, clenching around Eddie as he comes with a long groan.

Untouched.

Eddie fucks into him like a man possessed after that, but something about it sticks — the reaction Buck had given to Eddie calling him good …Eddie doesn’t remember eliciting that kind of unabashed pride in Buck from any compliment given to him.

Even as he pulls out to flip Buck over, pressing him further into the mattress to kiss him deep, a plan begins to form in his head, only encouraged by the soft smile that Buck gives him when Eddie cleans him up and tugs him into his chest.


He buys a mirror.

It’s not an entirely thoughtless process. There’s some space between the dresser and the window that he could fill up, now that the treadmill doesn’t live there, and it just happens to be in front of the bed.

He doesn’t get a sheet of mirror and leave it at that. He splurges on a nice floor-length mirror, wide enough to see the whole width of the bed and tall enough to be hung on the wall so even kneeling on the mattress, the entirety of Eddie’s body is visible. The frame is a dark wood that matches the rest of the furniture of the room, embellished with bevels along the sides and imperceptible designs in the corners.

Simple, just like they like their home décor.

The mirror is delivered in the evening, after dinner, and with Chris out of the house and Buck whipping up dessert in the kitchen, Eddie just manages to squirrel it away without any questions.

He darts off after dinner to rip the box open, shoving all the cardboard and bubble wrap into the corner as he unveils the carefully-selected wooden frame, propping it against the wall. The mirror comes with a stand at the bottom to make it easier for it to stay up without having to drill any holes into the wall, which makes it all the more easier to move it around.

Perfect for what Eddie needs it for.

It takes a bit of adjusting to move the furniture enough to fit the large mirror, but Eddie manages it, and just as he carefully slides it into place, making sure it won’t fall, Buck walks into the room.

“Uh, Eddie?”

Eddie doesn’t even need to turn around to see his boyfriend’s confused expression. He meets Buck’s eyes in the mirror and grins. “Hey.”

“Something you want to tell me?” Buck laughs, coming up behind him to stare at the mirror.

Buck’s eyes sparkle , for lack of a better word, set off by the warm light of the room and the dark wood of the mirror frame. For a second, Eddie finds himself at a loss for breath as he imagines just what he’s picturing in his head, those eyes molten as glass as they darken to a shade they only darken to with one emotion.

“I have something I want to try,” Eddie says, turning away from their reflections to look at his boyfriend directly. 

Buck’s eyebrows nearly disappear into his hairline. “A fantasy?”

He’s not offended at the surprise. Eddie rarely brings new things into their bedroom, because he’s more than comfortable with the things they already do — and he’s never quite given thought to anything outside of those that he might like, because truth be told, he likes anything that gets under Buck’s skin. 

(And Buck is very good at telling him just exactly what gets under his skin and Eddie wastes no time in hooking those very claws into his boyfriend’s pleasure, heightening it to levels that leave him smug by the end of it.)

But this idea had come and stuck with him, and refused to let go as Eddie pictured how it would all play out. He’d imagined just how Buck would look, and after that, there was no choice to be made.

“You could say that,” he agrees, stepping up to brush the hem of Buck’s shirt before slipping his hands underneath to press greedily against his skin. “Do you trust me?”

“Always,” Buck returns easily. 

“This isn’t…it’s not a scene or anything, but what are your colors?” 

His need to keep Buck safe overrides anything else. They’ve talked about how Buck likes to be surprised in bed, gone over each other’s hard limits, and have had enough sex by this point that Eddie feels comfortable trying this out with him. But despite all of that, there’s a tremor of nervousness.

“Green for good, I want to continue. Yellow for a break and a kiss. Red for full stop,” Buck recites dutifully. “Safe word is chalkboard.”

Eddie smiles and kisses him, pressing his palms flat against Buck’s back, the skin warm and hot to the touch. He slowly moves his hands up, rucking Buck’s shirt up inch by inch. Goosebumps follow each trace of his touch, and Eddie runs a nail across them as Buck pulls his shirt over his head.

“That tickles,” Buck mutters against his mouth, his own hands finding their place on Eddie’s hips to push his shirt off, too.

That’s as far as Eddie lets Buck go with him, gently pushing his hands away from his waistband. His cock presses obscenely against his sweatpants as it fills out, but Eddie pays it no heed as he tugs at the knot on Buck’s drawstring.

“Get naked and climb up.” He steps away from his boyfriend, crossing his arms over his chest to resist the urge to touch him. Buck looks at him like he’s lost, reeling from the sudden distance Eddie puts between them. 

Eddie’s heart jumps as he takes in his kiss-swollen lips, the way he already looks debauched with his cock tenting his sweatpants, but he manages to keep a cool expression on his face and his hands to himself.

Buck follows his instructions without further question, sending another flare of heat under Eddie’s skin. Eddie keeps an eye on him as he tosses a towel on the nightstand, along with a package of wipes, his gaze greedily chasing every square inch of skin revealed.

Once Buck’s situated back against the pillows, he freezes as it dawns on him exactly where this position puts him. 

Eddie slides out of the way, letting Buck fully look at his reflection as he crawls into bed behind him. Buck’s not looking directly at the mirror as he fidgets, but he relaxes when Eddie pulls him back against his chest, bracketing Buck’s long legs with his own.

“See?” Eddie whispers, gaze tracing over his boyfriend’s reflection. He slides a finger under Buck’s jaw, tilting his head up so he has to look.

They make a good picture like this, Eddie thinks idly to himself. Buck, completely naked, cock hard against his stomach, leaking and smearing a mess against his pale skin. The flush on his face is already halfway down his neck as his breathing quickens in anticipation, the color high in his face, eyes like saucers as he drinks it all in.

Eddie’s sweatpants-clad legs frame his, and slowly, he lifts one leg and pins Buck’s leg under it, holding him open, exposed . “Okay?” 

Buck swallows. “Yeah. Green.”  

Buck’s vulnerability is more like this, with the reminder of Eddie’s partially clothed self on him at all times, the soft material of his sweatpants scratching at the hair on Buck’s legs.

It’s not entirely selfless, getting a mirror. It wasn’t until Eddie pressed buy that it hit him that he would get to see every expression of Buck’s even as he fucked him from behind, and the idea settled a feral heat under his skin — that he’d get to see every minute of how debauched Buck got, how depraved the look on his face became as they both chased their peaks no matter what position they were in.

It was a much easier choice after that.

“I want you to keep your eyes on yourself,” Eddie whispers, ghosting his fingers up and down Buck’s sides. This position is as familiar to him as breathing, with Buck nestled between his legs the way he does when they’re both lying on the couch together — but him being naked, bared to the sheet of mirror in front of them, is all new. “Watch the way I touch you, the way you turn so pretty when you’re about to come. If you stop looking, I stop touching you.”

“Okay,” Buck returns breathlessly, already fighting to keep his eyes on himself. Eddie pauses, turning a kiss towards Buck’s temple.

“Color?”

“Green.”

Eddie dips his head and presses open-mouthed kisses against Buck’s shoulders, swiping the flat of his tongue over salty skin and something uniquely Buck as he continues up his throat, making his way to his jawline. His hands rake light lines on Buck’s sides — up his ribs, then back down them, hardly more than a feather touch.

Buck writhes against him, but Eddie doesn’t give him what he wants. He simply watches the flush get deeper, spreading to his collarbones. A light sheen of sweat glistens on Buck’s skin, and he’s breathing harder as his eyes take in the sight they make.

When they’re standing, Buck practically dwarfs him, despite Eddie not being a small man. But like this, Buck looks like he could fold into Eddie’s arms without any last part of him visible, and there’s something about seeing such a broad man become smaller — without making himself smaller.

Because Eddie’s never going to let Buck make himself small to be with him. He wants Buck exactly as he is, loves Buck exactly as he is — full to the brim with life and sunshine.

Buck’s legs stretch past the edge of the bed, slightly parted. His cock lays neglected on his stomach, and if Eddie looks closely, he can just about make out his hole between his thighs, a view afforded by keeping one of Buck’s legs pinned under his own, spread wide.

Eddie wonders how much of the flush on Buck’s skin is from the embarrassment of seeing himself in such a vulnerable position, and how much is the anticipation of what Eddie’s about to do to him.

He doesn’t move to touch any of Buck’s erogenous zones as he watches his boyfriend squirm in the mirror. His skin is incredibly sensitive and Eddie would be lying if he said he didn’t take advantage of it from time to time. Just the barest touch of his waist, coupled with the anticipation of the unknown, has Buck’s cock dribbling precum on his stomach, pooling near his belly button.

He’s flushed a tempting shade of dark pink, the tip of his cock glistening with the proof of his arousal. Eddie’s mouth waters at the thought of licking a stripe up his abs, tasting every part of him, but he doesn’t move, his plans already in motion.

“Always so wet,” Eddie murmurs anyway, swiping his fingers through the mess and then, deciding they’ve waited long enough, wraps his slick hand around Buck’s cock.

“Eddie!” Buck cries out, arching into his touch. His eyes fall shut with the sudden pleasure as his head tips back on Eddie’s shoulder, but he valiantly tries to keep them open as Eddie strokes him, his grip just as tight as Buck likes it.

“Open, Buck,” Eddie reminds as he loosens his touch immediately. “You stop watching, I stop touching.” 

Buck’s eyes pry open as he grips Eddie’s wrist, urging him to continue. He watches as Eddie’s fingers curl tighter around him, thumb playing with his slit, and Eddie watches him — watches as his boyfriend’s eyes seem to darken the more he takes in the sight of Eddie’s hand on him.

There’s the shade he was looking for. It’s a stormy blue, a whirlwind of lust and love and pleasure and something carnal that makes Eddie’s mouth go dry.

Buck pants and writhes against him as his orgasm builds, one hand digging nail marks into Eddie’s skin. He knows they’ll be bruised by tomorrow, and his heart jumps at the realization that he’ll have Buck’s marks under his uniform, just as Buck will wear his.

Eddie knows Buck has a thing for his hands. He knows Buck has a thing for watching Eddie touch himself. 

This is just the best of both worlds.

“See?” Eddie’s words are pressed tight against Buck’s ears, urging him to listen. “Look at how pretty you look, your cock flushed red and leaking all over my hand. You need me to touch you, don’t you?”

“Always,” Buck answers breathlessly, his hands moving to grip Eddie’s arms as his hips try to thrust up, tunneling into the circle of Eddie’s hand.

His stomach flexes as he does it, and Eddie holds his hand still as Buck fucks up into it, his free foot scrambling for purchase on the comforter to jerk his hips up roughly.

“That desperate for me, fucking my hand like that’s the last thing you’ll get,” he says, his voice nothing but pure pride and praise for just how good Buck is for him. “My Buck.”

Buck keeps his eyes on them in the mirror, but a blush gathers in his cheeks at the depraved way he pistons his hips into Eddie’s unmoving grip.

But he doesn’t stop.

Eddie’s chest glows with the pride of it, knowing Buck feels safe enough around him to let go that way. He rewards him by pressing a kiss to the spot under his ear, only barely resisting the urge to leave a mark where nothing could hide it.

Eddie uses his other hand to tug on Buck’s nipple, rolling it between two fingers to coax it into a hard point before pinching it. Buck lets out a moan as he pushes his chest further into Eddie’s grip, always chasing the small bite of pain that comes with rough sex.

But his eyes fall closed, so Eddie lets go.

They fly back open when his next thrust is into nothing but air, a wolfish grin spreading on Eddie’s face behind him. He’s never seen himself look quite like that, either, but he thinks Buck brings out all the sides in him that he hadn’t really known existed before him.

“Asshole,” Buck pants, a choked whine leaving him suspended at the peak of his release. 

“I told you to keep your eyes open,” Eddie chides, running featherlight fingertips from the tip to the base of Buck’s cock — up and down, a barely there touch to soothe some of the ache of being denied.

It’s not until Buck fixes his eyes on the sight of them in the mirror that Eddie wraps his fingers around Buck’s cock again. This time, his grip is tighter as he shuttles his hand up and down. Buck’s free leg kicks out into nothing when Eddie’s palm swirls around the head of his cock, oversensitive after being driven to the brink once.

It’s hotter than anything to see Eddie’s arms wrapped all the way around Buck, one hand wrapped tightly around his cock while the other presses over his rapid heartbeat, pressing onto his chest to keep Buck’s back firmly against his own. Eddie can feel the heat pooling in his core as he watches Buck unabashedly chase his release with Eddie’s hand, depraved sounds dropping from his lips and filling the room with the sweetest echo.

He can tell when Buck’s nearing his peak again, when his movements grow more erratic, his heels digging into the mattress as his legs fall open. Eddie lets go of his dick to run a finger down his balls, then down further to circle his hole.

Buck’s eyes sparkle with tears as he lets out a sob at being left hanging again, his face turning into Eddie’s. “Eddie, baby, please, please .”

“Not yet,” Eddie whispers, capturing his lips in a kiss. Buck licks into his mouth like he’s trying to live there, and Eddie sucks on his tongue as if he’ll let him. “Color?”

“Green, so, so green,” Buck rattles off, nails digging into Eddie’s biceps.

Eddie takes in the sweat beaded on Buck’s hairline, the drop rolling down his temple to coast down his sternum, and the fire in him only grows hotter. He takes Buck’s dick in hand again, but this time, his other hand comes up to frame his throat, holding him in place as he strokes him fast and hard.

Buck gasps and lets out a long moan, and without even asking, Eddie knows he’s close.

Just as he feels Buck tense up, he lets go.

This time, Buck chases his hand and Eddie places an admonishing hand on his stomach, not letting him get any friction. “Not until I tell you too.”

He kneads the palm of his hand into Buck’s abdomen, trying to quell the tight knot that he knows hasn’t been allowed to unravel yet. Buck relaxes under his ministrations, but frustration lines his face with harsh lines that look out of place on such a smiling face. 

Eddie can’t help but laugh softly. Buck tips his head back onto him, the long expanse of his throat bared underneath Eddie’s hand. 

Eddie dips his head to deliver a nip to the column, his thumb brushing the bolt of Buck’s jaw.

“You know why we’re doing this?” he starts conversationally, plucking idly at Buck’s nipples before loosely taking his cock in hand again. 

“You think we’re pretty?” 

It’s a good guess. Fact, really. Eddie would be blind not to see how good they look together like this — like the sun and the moon in one reflection. “Partially. But mostly because…I noticed that you’re uncertain every time I compliment you on something.”

Buck stills in his arms, his muddled mind trying to make sense of those words. “What?”

“Any compliment I’ve given you, you’ve looked uncertain about. As if I’m lying about how pretty you look, or how good you’ve made dessert, or how good dinner was. So…I thought you could see the evidence yourself.”

He points to the mirror before resting his hand on Buck’s neck again, a strange heat setting into his skin at the sight of his fingers delicately resting on the strong muscles of his throat. “You see how good you look like this? How beautiful you are when you’re desperate to come, waiting for me to let you?”

“Eddie,” Buck gasps out, staring at Eddie through the mirror. His eyes blaze a bright blue, and Eddie reads the surprise at being read in them.

“I know you, Buck,” he says softly, turning Buck’s head to kiss him before he starts another steady rhythm of strokes. He swallows the high-pitched sound from Buck’s lips, only barely managing to quell the urge to push his own dick into Buck’s back for some friction.

Eddie doesn’t let him come that time, either.

Buck’s near delirious by the time Eddie pulls his hand away from his dick, and he takes a moment to assess. He doesn’t look like he’s dropping, only that he needs to come, but just to be sure, he asks Buck for his color again.

“Green.”

“Want to take a break?”

“Want to come,” Buck says, his frustration evident in his voice, a little more than an actual fucking growl .

Eddie’s never heard that sound from him before.

He can't help the soft laugh that slips free as he grips Buck’s hips and maneuvers him up so he’s kneeling on the bed instead, his cock jutting out from his body — an angry red at being denied, yet still leaking directly onto the sheets. Buck looks at the carnal image he makes in the mirror and flushes even more, his dilated pupils a dead giveaway at how turned on he really is.

“Is your leg okay?” he stops to ask, adjusting Buck’s bad knee. The question seems to jar Buck from his haze enough to smile back at him.

“Yeah, perfect. I’m good.”

“That you are,” Eddie murmurs, curling a hand around the back of Buck’s neck to pull him into another kiss. Buck kisses him back enthusiastically, always so fucking responsive to everything. The moment turns softer, more quiet as they exchange kisses, held together by a mutual care for each other. 

Not for the first time, Eddie marvels at how he’s allowed to have this. That he’s allowed to have Buck warm and pliant under him, putting all his trust in Eddie.

Eddie lets go of him so he can strip out of his own sweatpants and dig the lube out of the nightstand, only barely resisting the urge to curl his fingers around his aching cock. He slicks up two fingers as he kneels behind Buck, their height difference non-existent like this, enough that Eddie’s chin can rest on Buck’s shoulder easily. 

He traces his fingers around Buck’s hole, massaging the muscle as he looks at his boyfriend through the mirror. Buck’s eyes are darker now, pupils blown wide as his back arches into Eddie until his ass nestles right against his hips.

“Eddie,” Buck whispers. “ Please .”

“This is one of my favorite parts of you, because only I get to see you like this. Something just for us,” he says, his voice like gravel in his throat.

Eddie slips a finger in, to the last knuckle, Buck’s body easily yielding to him like it’s made for him. He quickly steadies his boyfriend when he jerks in his grip, a shout of Eddie’s name echoing through the room in Buck’s hoarse voice.

“Easy,” he warns, checking his leg to make sure he won’t hurt himself. 

Eddie brushes his prostate once, and Buck’s cock jerks instantly, precum dripping down to staining the comforter. 

Buck’s sensitivity extends back here, too, where he chases the stretch as Eddie starts up a steady rhythm, moving his finger just enough to drag across his prostate lightly with each pass. 

Eddie wraps an arm around him again, rolling one dusky pink nipple between his fingers before he brings his hand back up to Buck’s throat to hold him in place, his finger pushing into him to scrape across his prostate. Buck’s chest falls and rises rapidly under his ministrations, groans and warped babbles of Eddie’s name lilting from his lips like the most beautiful song. 

Eddie pulls his finger out only to push two in, this time avoiding touching his prostate at all. Buck’s eyes stay fixed on where Eddie’s hand is visible between his thighs, kiss swollen lip clamped between his teeth as Eddie scissors his fingers.

It’s a different kind of eroticism, to be a voyeur of his own self, Eddie thinks to himself as he watches himself stretch Buck open through the mirror, rather than down to where his wrist is beginning to cramp.

Eddie tracks the trail of hair pointing towards where Buck needs him most, and moves a hand down to Buck’s cock. He only gives one stroke before Buck’s gasping, keening , his eyes falling shut.

Eddie stops moving both hands, staying still as Buck lets out another sob, forcing his eyes back open.

“Color?”

“Green,” Buck says. His words are slightly hazy around the edges, and Eddie tilts his head back to kiss him, keeping him full of his fingers. He knows how much Buck hates the emptiness, and even though Buck’s not looking in the mirror, he starts up a slow drag. Not enough for any real stimulation, but enough that Buck moans against his mouth, Eddie swallowing the sound and keeping it safe.

“So, so good for me,” Eddie murmurs, hearing the reverence in his own words. This is his Buck, letting him do this to him, letting Eddie show him how much he loves him.

Buck’s head tips back on Eddie’s shoulder of his own accord, but Eddie lets it slide as he gently tips Buck’s head back up, urging him to look back at their twin reflections.

It’s not until Buck’s stormy eyes fix on them that Eddie adds a third finger, stretching him out well and good.

This time, he purposely presses on Buck’s prostate, and his cock drools , a line of precum dripping onto the rapidly growing spot darkening the comforter, and Eddie grins with primal satisfaction as he notes the desperate way Buck cants his hips back, trying to tip over the edge.

Eddie doesn’t let him, keeping him on the edge as he pulls his fingers free. He doesn’t wait to replace them with his cock, slowly pushing in, a groan rumbling through his throat at the tightness of Buck’s body around him. 

Buck’s lips part at the familiar stretch as he sucks in a breath, and by the time Eddie’s hips press against his ass, he looks like he’s about to sway forward. Eddie’s own brain feels fuzzy with the intense, familiar heat as he stills, letting Buck adjust to his size.

“Move,” Buck rasps, hardly more than a guttural sound.

Eddie checks his boyfriend’s leg one more time before wrapping his arm around him, his hand landing right back at the base of his throat as if through a magnet, and pulls out, sinking back in hard.

He sets a deep pace, the only one this position will allow him, but Buck’s cock bounces against his stomach with each thrust, and the light sheen of sweat that glimmers on his collarbones turns his skin golden under the warm light of the room. 

Sweat and sex coat the air, and the obscenely filthy sound of the slap of their skin fills the space until there’s nothing left but the two of them. Eddie’s eyes drift to every inch of his boyfriend in the mirror, watching Buck watch them, and it’s one of the hottest things they’ve ever done because somehow, it’s more vulnerable to watch their reflections have sex than it is to actually have sex.

The words spill from Eddie’s lips unbidden as he fucks Buck, torn from a carnal place inside him that Eddie hadn’t known existed. “You get so red every time my cock sinks into you, every time it splits you open like you’re made for me — like you’re made to take my cock. Look at you, baby. Look how pretty you look.”

He can’t stop using that word, pretty , because there’s no other way to describe the debauched version of Buck that kneels right in front of him, sagging back against Eddie’s chest yet valiantly keeping his eyes on the mirror, just because Eddie told him to. His curls are loose, sweat-damp and frame his face, and his eyes stand out in the middle of the flush that’s overtaken his cheeks. 

“More,” Buck gasps out. “Eddie, more.

Eddie doesn’t know what he wants, but when Buck arches his neck to push further into his hand, where it lies framing his throat, he understands.

A bolt of heat strikes the small of his back and he fucks Buck all the more harder for it, because the thought of Buck floating in the staticky space of oxygen depravation, then in the rush of breath after a period of drowning is too much for him to handle.

But they haven’t talked about it, and Eddie refuses to do anything without talking to Buck about it. 

“No,” Eddie says, loosening his hold so Buck can’t push and pressing his mouth against Buck’s temple. “Not until we talk about it when I’m not fucking you, but it’s fun to imagine, isn’t it? How you would look with my hand here?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he chants, the words pulled from somewhere deep inside him. His voice is gravelly, growing hoarser with each thrust. 

He can’t give Buck what he’s looking for there, but as consolation, he wraps a hand around Buck’s cock again — the first touch he’s given it since he started fucking him. He keeps his hold exactly like Buck likes it, the right side of too tight, with a thumb rubbing under the head.

Buck nearly sobs, his shoulders pressing back against Eddie’s collarbones. His lips are kiss-bitten, red and sinful, his tongue darting out to wet them just before Eddie nails his prostate.

The keen Buck lets out seems to be dragged from him at the press of a button, and Eddie doesn’t let up, grinding the head of his cock into that spot that he knows drives Buck crazy. 

Briefly, Eddie entertains the thought of trying to get Buck come untouched, of letting go of his cock to see if Eddie can make him come from just how he fucks him. Eddie’s edged him enough times that he thinks that if he keeps this up, his boyfriend will tip over the edge. 

The idea is tempting, but it’s not what he wants today.

So he stops.

“No,” Buck whines, high in his throat. Eddie feels the sound vibrate against where his fingers are still propping Buck’s jaw up, and he has to chase it, leaving open mouthed kisses everywhere he can reach as he falters in his thrusts, slowing to a stop. His cock stays nestled in Buck’s ass, unmoving even as it twitches when Buck clenches around him. He tries to push back on Eddie’s cock, but he’d anticipated the move, stopping him in his tracks with two hands stilling him. “No, Eddie, please .”

“You can come on the next one, is that okay? Can you do that for me, baby? Just one more?”

It takes Buck a minute, but he nods slowly, his expression shaky.

Concerned, Eddie pets his sides, eyebrows furrowing. “What’s your color, baby?”

“So green, still so green,” he replies instantly, easing the worry that had Eddie teetering over hesitancy. “I’m not dropping.”

“You just need to come,” Eddie guesses, moving to knead the knots in Buck’s stomach to soothe the ache, murmuring in his boyfriend’s ear about how good he’s doing, how well he’s taking Eddie’s cock. 

“Yeah,” he breathes out, tipping his head back against Eddie’s shoulder. “So badly.”

His Adam’s apple presses against the thin skin of his throat, prominent and inviting, and Eddie turns Buck’s head so he can feather kisses down his jaw, down the corded muscles of his throat and back along the lines of his shoulders.

He reaches for the lube as he pulls out of Buck, softly shushing the sound of protest that Buck makes.

Buck’s eyes widen when he realizes what Eddie’s doing, valiantly trying to twist around to see before Eddie stops him. “Babe, patience. You can see me in the mirror.”

Eddie’s face briefly twists as he pushes a finger into himself, slowly moving in and out to stretch himself out. 

“Let me do it,” Buck says, shifting out of the way so he can see Eddie’s hand move behind himself.

“I will in a minute.” He has to. The angle is awkward and unpracticed, and Eddie’s never liked doing this to himself as much as he likes when Buck does it to him. 

But few things are as gratifying as Buck’s cock inside him, splitting him apart and putting him back together with the force of his affection, so Eddie endures it.

He rushes through his own prep, always liking the small bite of pain that comes with being stretched around Buck’s big dick. One finger becomes two, spread and stretched to keep him open as he climbs off the bed.

“Stay like that, but move back a little bit,” Eddie instructs, guiding Buck until his knees are pressed into the comforter near the headboard. Carefully, he climbs up, laying down on his back in front of Buck until he’s staring up at him.

Eddie can’t see the mirror anymore, but from where he’s perched between his spread legs, Buck can

Buck, who wastes no time slipping two fingers into Eddie's prepped hole, curving up expertly to rub over his prostate. Eddie's thigh tremble with the sudden pleasure, and it's all he can do to stop the groan that threatens to melt him in the mattress.

“Good?” Buck laughs breathlessly, leaning down to kiss as he pumps his fingers steadily.

“The purpose of the mirror,” Eddie starts, feeling winded as he guides Buck’s weight over himself, “is for you to see how beautiful you look, always, but especially right now, when you’re most vulnerable. I want you to see how beautiful you look to me, always, and I want you to believe it, too.” 

Buck's fingers slip out of him as he startles, reaching to catch himself against the mattress as he stares wide-eyed down at Eddie.

Eddie waits him out, tracing waves and paths along Buck’s skin as he does so. 

“You make me feel…” 

Eddie notes that he doesn’t use the word, and drags him into a kiss again. “Feel what?”

Buck lifts a hand to brush a curl out of Eddie’s eyes, the look in his eyes stricken, molten, loved. “Beautiful. Worth it.”

“Because you are.” His heart cracks a little as he kisses Buck’s bottom lip again, sucking a breath in when he feels the hot press of Buck’s cock at his hole. “I know what I see, but I want you to keep your eyes on yourself while you fuck me.”

Buck looks like he’s seconds from tipping over the edge, just from the sound of Eddie’s voice, but he exhales and nods. “Ready?”

Eddie links his ankles behind Buck’s back in answer, tipping Buck’s chin up so he’s looking at his reflection, not at Eddie. “Yeah.”

The obscene stretch of Buck’s cock causes Eddie’s eyes to fall shut briefly, the bite of pain kicking his pleasure into a wild song, but he pries them open, not wanting to miss the way Buck’s mouth always falls open every time he sinks into Eddie. He doesn’t want to miss watching Buck witness the familiar expressions that Eddie chases every time they have sex.

Buck bottoms out with a groan that Eddie reaches up to swallow, kissing him with all he’s worth even as the knots inside him begin to unravel. He swipes his tongue along his lip, stealing another deep kiss before he pulls away, shifting to quell the burn building in his thighs.

Buck rocks his hips back and forth to help Eddie adjust to his size, and it sends sparks down his spine, like someone’s set off fireworks in his bones.

“You don’t take your eyes off the mirror,” Eddie reminds him, dragging the pads of his fingers up Buck’s sides, tracing the grooves and divots of his muscles. Buck’s arms tremble where they’re framing him, but he nods, looking back at the mirror just as he pulls out of Eddie, leaving only the head of his cock in his hole.

When he thrusts back in, the air knocks itself out of Eddie’s lungs until he’s sure he can taste Buck in his throat.

Buck sets the same pace that Eddie had, deep strokes that alternate between rolling his hips and dragging the head of his cock across Eddie’s prostate. 

Eddie feels like he’s stuck his fingers into a live socket, his resolve slowly melting as Buck fucks him into the mattress. He’s still looking at the picture they make in the mirror, and Eddie tries to imagine what he’s seeing — a shock of Eddie’s hair, visible above his shoulders with Buck balanced on top of him, fucking into Eddie with reckless abandon as his knees frame Buck’s waist.

The flush that Eddie loves has only gotten deeper, and he reaches a hand up to pull Buck down towards him by the nape of his neck, tasting the red evidence of his pleasure as he coasts open-mouthed kisses up the column of his throat, up his jaw, making sure Buck still watches their reflection. 

Buck’s skin absorbs most of Eddie’s moans, but when his boyfriend’s hips stutter in their steady rhythm, Eddie knows he’s close.

Carefully, he reaches around Buck, palming his ass. He knows Buck can see every move he can make, but when Eddie’s finger brushes his still stretched out hole, he jolts as if he hadn’t seen it coming.

“Come for me, Buck.” At this angle, Eddie can’t do much more than run the pad of his finger over his sensitive rim, but he moves to press against his taint instead, dragging against his prostate from outside.

Buck lets out a shout of Eddie’s name as he finally tips over the edge, letting out a sob as his face drops into the cradle of Eddie’s neck, away from the mirror. Eddie lets it slide as he coaxes Buck through his orgasm, clenching down on the thickness still spearing him as Buck fucks into him once, twice until Eddie’s ass is pressed flushed against his hips.

He comes for what feels like forever, his cock making a mess out of Eddie that shouldn’t be as hot as it is.

Eddie cards his fingers through Buck’s hair, relishing the weight of his boyfriend on top of him, petting his skin as he murmurs nonsensical praise in his ear. Buck’s trembling by the time he comes down from his peak, the aftershocks of the orgasm running through his muscles.

Smug satisfaction lights up Eddie’s chest, even though his own hardness screams at him to do something about it. Buck shifts in his arms, dragging his stomach across Eddie’s cock, and Eddie jerks, only barely managing to stop himself from pushing further into him to chase his own release.

Far be it from him to forget the reason he’d started this, though, and Eddie turns his head awkwardly back to stare at their reflection. Buck’s collapsed on top of him, his face not visible anymore, but Eddie can trace his eyes down the strong line of his back, can trace the ebbing redness.

“But more than any of this,” Eddie whispers, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend as he tucks his nose in the space behind Buck’s ear. “I love the way you love. I love the way you’ve loved me and my kid since day one. I love the heart inside you that I get the honor of protecting for the rest of my life.”

“Eddie,” Buck says, his lips pressing against Eddie’s chest. His voice is choked up, emotion reverberating through every inch of him to where he’s pressed against Eddie. 

The kiss Buck gives him in soft, slow and Eddie relishes the familiar feel of his partner’s mouth. He could spend years exchanging kisses like this with Buck, but the other man purposely presses forward, making Eddie jolt when he realizes that Buck’s still inside him, soft as he is.

“You know, I’m not the only one,” Buck says against his mouth, delivering a nip to his bottom lip.

“What?”

The wolfish grin Buck levies his way sparks that flair of danger in Eddie only sees in Buck while they’re like this, and he knows he’s right to worry when Buck pulls out of him, leveraging back on his knees. Eddie ignores the hollow, empty feeling as he watches his boyfriend warily.

Buck seems to know what Eddie needs though, because he quickly tucks two fingers back inside Eddie to lessen the feeling. Eddie's eyes flutter, and he almost forgets what they’re talking about.

Until Buck’s voice pierces the air, and his eyes snap open.

“I’m not the only one who doesn’t believe how good he looks, doesn’t believe how good he is .”

Eddie stares up at him in all his muscled glory, reading the glint in his eyes, and knows that he’s in trouble.

Absently, he wraps his hand around himself, stroking as he narrows his eyes at Buck, who simply watches him, no part of their skin touching save for the fingers still moving languidly in his hole.

He can feel Buck’s come leaking out of him, and realizes that’s exactly what his boyfriend’s watching, with a gaze that sends flames skittering across Eddie’s skin — his come leak from around his fingers.

“Buck,” Eddie whispers when he can’t take Buck’s heated gaze on him anymore. 

“What’s your color?” Buck asks, his fingers slowing their pace until they pull free, tugging on Eddie’s rim once before they do so. This time, the emptiness isn’t so apparent, and Eddie finds himself grateful that Buck knows his body well enough to ebb the uncomfortable feeling.

“Green.”

Within the blink of an eye, Eddie finds himself in the same position Buck was, hauled up until Eddie’s back is pressed flush against his chest, staring at himself in the mirror. It’s hotter than anything to know that Buck can take his weight like it means nothing, moving him without Eddie’s conscious knowledge.

His hand is still wrapped around himself, but Buck knocks it out of the way to wrap his own tight grip around Eddie’s cock.

“Have you seen the way you look?” Buck starts conversationally, his lips pressing against a freckle Eddie has on his back, dragging his mouth along the line of his shoulder. His bright blue eyes bore into Eddie’s own, molten and hot as he strokes him hard and fast. “Watch yourself, and let me make you feel as good as you make me feel.”

The vulnerability that hits him only heightens his pleasure as he watches their reflections. He doesn’t flush as easily as Buck does, but he watches the sweat gleam on the sparse hairs on his chest, watches the color gather in the apples of his cheeks, watches his hands scrabble for purchase on Buck’s arm. He watches the muscles of Buck’s forearm dimple with how tightly Eddie holds onto him, as if Buck's his only anchor.

Buck’s broader body pinning him in place has no business being as hot as it is, especially with the fresh image of how Buck looks held in place by Eddie. The comparison flickers through his mind as his mind turns towards the hazy need to come, and his back bows back into Buck.

He thinks Buck might’ve been onto something with the hands thing, because he traces the web of veins under Buck’s forearms as he tunnels his hand up and down Eddie’s cock steadily, stoking his orgasm with nothing more than the calluses dusted across his palms, the soft skin in between each other — just as familiar to Eddie as his own hands, if not more.

A whimper escapes his throat when Buck’s thumb strokes down the vein of his cock, knowing exactly how to play Eddie to make him sing, and he tips his head back, fighting to retain some sense of control. 

One of Buck’s hand reaches to twine into the thick strands of Eddie’s hair. He tugs, leaving Eddie to teeter on his peak as the pinpricks on his scalp leave goosebumps in their wake. Buck has an obsession with getting his hands into Eddie’s hair, and he uses it to his full advantage

“My come’s leaking out of you, still,” Buck says, admiration high in his voice and Eddie’s gaze snaps down to the stickiness on his inner thighs, suddenly feeling the flush of shame and depravity. “So, so beautiful, Eddie.”

Buck doesn’t have the same hesitations as he does about visible marks, apparently, because he latches onto a spot just below Eddie’s jaw and sucks and bites and nibbles, leaving his own mark on Eddie’s skin. There’s no way in hell Eddie can hide that — which he suspects was Buck’s plan all along.

Eddie takes in the gleam in his eye, just before he scrapes his teeth across the mark he just made, and the pleasure-pain-possessive of it shoves him over the edge.

“Holy fuck, Buck,” Eddie moans, his cock spilling over Buck’s fist instantly at that obscene image. He clings tight to Buck’s arm around him as the pleasure races through him, leaving him boneless, only Buck to hold him up. 

Buck slowly maneuvers the two of them backwards, leaving Eddie to curl up on his lap as he pants. His limbs feel like jelly for the strength of the orgasm that’s knocked him back on his ass. He doesn’t think he’s even capable of moving of his own volition right now. 

Vaguely, he feels Buck petting him, feels the familiar fingers sifting through his sweat-damp hair, and relishes the scrape of Buck’s nails on his scalp as he comes down. One of the wipes Eddie had set out swipes over his skin, cleaning some of the come, sweat and lube drying tackily in the cool air of the room.

“You asshole, this was supposed to be my idea,” he mutters to the crook of Buck’s neck, wrapping more securely around him. Buck holds him just as tightly, his shoulders shaking under Eddie’s cheek as he laughs, a rich sound that settles around Eddie’s heart, keeping it safe.

“It was one of your better ones,” Buck teases. Eddie can practically taste Buck’s grin on his tongue as he swats half-heartedly at him. Buck catches his hand and tangles their fingers together, kissing the top of Eddie’s head. “You got your point across.”

Eddie tilts back to look at him. “Did I?”

Buck flips the question in his mind. “It’ll take time,” he says slowly. “But yeah. I think you did.”

Eddie had been under no misconceptions that one evening would reverse years of insecurity, so that’s okay with him. He’ll just have to keep showing Buck what he means.

“That’s all I want,” he says drowsily, tipping his shoulder back against Buck’s, looking at their reflections. They’re little more than a heap of unlabeled limbs, still stark naked, but Eddie can’t bring himself to feel any more vulnerable about it. Not with Buck’s arms wrapped around him, holding tightly. “I love you.”

Buck tilts his chin up to kiss him, his eyes a shade of love that only Eddie can read. “I love you, too.”