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Reliance

Summary:

All Rey wants is a family.

 

The epilogue to my own stories Regrets and Remorse.

Notes:

Here we go again!

I've missed you guys so much and I'm so excited to finally finish this series with the epilogue of Regrets. I hope you enjoy these last chapters of this fucked-up AU I've created years ago.

 

I recommend strongly that you read Regrets and Remorse for a better understanding. Even the Spin-off Refusals.

 

Before we start off;

No one is forcing you to read this - leave constructive criticism or nothing at all.

English is not my first language.

Mind the tags, please.

 

xoxo Lenkia~

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter Text

 

 

 

Rey wishes for a family. A nuclear, fucking family. Where she, the mother, works in some kind of office and comes home just in time to make dinner. The daughter an ambitious child that’s constantly being praised by the teachers. A son that’ll probably be offered a scholarship in sports, and lastly; a father.

A father that everyone relies on, mostly the mother. Who’ll pick up the kids, be there for them when mommy just doesn’t understand, and be the role model children need in their lives. Someone mommy can love, someone that can love mommy. Take care of mommy, who is so extremely tired. 

Rey wishes for a nuclear family, but it feels like she’s far from that. 

“Miss. Niima, this behavior is not tolerated at our elementary school! Makaria’s behavior keeps causing an unsafe environment for the other children. Do you understand that?” 

Rey nods, head lowered and extremely ashamed. The embarrassment never decreases. She’s been scolded in the principal's office more times than she can count in a lifetime and she always promises herself that this will be the last time. 

It never is.

“I’m extremely sorry, Mrs. Holdo,” Rey sighs, shaking her head in remorse. “I promise to have a long talk with Makaria and discuss-”

“Miss. Niima,” the principal interrupts, leaning backward in her office chair. “I, once again, recommend you to contact a family therapist. Your daughter’s anger issues can be rooted in repressed feelings. It can be good for her to talk to someone.”

Rey swallows, suddenly feeling sweat bead on her forehead. Talking about Makaria’s anger makes her extremely uncomfortable and denial is her best friend. There is nothing wrong with her baby. She has not inherited her father's endless rage. 

“I’ll think about it,” Rey says as final. It's a lie - she won't think about it. It seems that Mrs. Holdo knows that too, because standing up and reaching for her bag, Rey sees from the corner of her eyes Mrs. Holdo’s unimpressed look. “Once again, I’m so sorry.” 

“Oh, and Ben’s teacher also called.”

Rey closes her eyes with an exhausted exhale. Dammit. 

 

 

 

“Makaria.”

The girl, sitting on the chair outside the principal's office, stiffened by her mother’s voice and immediately crossed her arms. Rey stands in front of her, exhausted and tired. She had to leave in the middle of work once she got the call from Mrs. Holdo. God knows if her café hasn’t burned to the ground yet. 

“Makaria, look at me,” Rey demands but the child shakes her head no. Her black locks dance with the movement. The bun Rey had done this morning is just a ponytail at this point. 

Ria finally looks up after a long silence and her dark eyes always make Rey nervous. Always makes her heart skip a beat, even if it’s her own daughter. Because it’s his eyes and when they become stormy with rage it takes her back to those times. 

But Rey’s become good at hiding her fear.

“Why did you hit that poor boy?” Rey crouch, wanting to be on the same eye level. She places her hands on Ria’s knees that’s covered with the white pantyhose. It matches the denim dress. It’s Makaria’s favorite outfit and hers too. She looks so pretty in it. “What did I tell you about hitting your classmates-” 

“I hate him! I hate all of them; they’re mean!” Makaria screams, her cute face twisting in anger and fist clenched. “They say mean things about- about-”

“What did they say?” Rey asks and it immediately silences Ria - her cheeks turning red in restraint. 

“...I don’t want to say it.” 

Rey sighs, closing her eyes. Making small, comforting circles on her daughter's knees. 

Refusing to tell often means that someone said something mean about mommy or her father. It’s not the children's fault, really. Their parents love to gossip, glance at Rey during parent’s meetings and ask with feigning curiosity where her husband is. Rey had blurted out in annoyance, after the fourth time someone asked, that the father isn’t present in her or the children’s life. 

Suddenly everyone knew that Rey’s “husband” is in prison. 

They don’t seem to know who he is, but they know somehow and it has now led to this. The fact that Makaria is unable to control her emotions isn’t helping either. She’s a ball of eternal rage and has no problem punching and screaming. She’s eight years old and way too strong. 

“You don’t have to say it,” Rey explains, standing up. “Let’s go get your brother. He hasn’t had a great day today either.” 

When Rey puts out her hand for her daughter to grab, Makaria ignores her open palm and walks past. It always feels like a stab in the heart, because Rey knows that mommy’s love isn’t what Makaria wants. 

 

 

 

When Rey opens the classroom after knocking gently, she almost falls the way her son jumps on her. 

“Mommy!” Ben cries, hugging her legs and weeping into her thighs. Tears and snot sticking to her jeans. “Mommy, mommy!” 

When Ben first started elementary school, it was always a panic seeing her son cry and hug her frantically with big drops across his cheeks. Rey always assumed the worst, hugged him back, and cooed like a worried hen. It made her heart break watching her son cry and she thought it was something wrong with the class at first - just like Makaria's class. 

But his classmates are so good to him and the reasons for his sorrow are delicate things. Rey always seems to forget that her son is a huge crybaby and a mommy’s boy. So the constant calls from his teacher equalize the principal's scolding; it’s normality by now. 

“Ben, dear,” Rey sighs, dragging her fingers through his brown hair in a comforting manner. The teacher, who was busy helping a student, hurries to the door. “What happened?” 

“Ben was playing with his friends out on the schoolyard when they saw a little bird by the fence; it was hurt and by the time I got there it passed away.” 

The recap causes Ben to cry louder and his classmates are unbothered by the weeping by now. Continuing painting around the table with watercolors. 

“Mommy, why did it have to die?!” Ben cries. “Why?!” 

Rey picks him up and cradles him to her chest. Even if he’s seven and heavy, it always calms him. Rey is willing to sacrifice her back for her son’s happiness. 

“Bye, Ben!” All his classmates sing in union once they leave and Ben waves bye with a sob, cheek resting on Rey’s shoulder. 

 

 

 

Rey doesn’t remember when she just stopped thinking of him in that way . She doesn’t remember when she decided to let go of the past. Let go of constantly thinking about her childhood, of him in a romantic way, of counting the years he would be released. 

It was probably somewhere between raising the children and running the café that she finally let go, of her stressful life as a single mother. 

“There is so much to do,” Rey had complained to her therapist a few months ago, sighing and scratching her head. “Makaria is starting elementary school this year and Ben is just so sad because of that so he just keeps crying, but I’ve already told him that next year he’ll start elementary school with his sister too. And oh, I also need to start training the new workers; it’s harder than I thought!”

Kaydel Ko Connix had only smiled then, as professional as always, yet Rey could notice an ounce of proudness. “I see that you're only focusing on the future nowadays.” 

Rey had stilled, completely dumbfounded. In other words, Dr. Ko Connix meant that she was finished. She’s healed. There is no reason to attend therapy anymore. It also felt right when Rey quit. It was the last thing she had to do before she could fully get back to a normal life.

She just stopped focusing on the past. No, not focusing. Yearning for the past. She stopped yearning for his touch, his presence, his toxic love. 

Now, the only thing Rey yearns for is a family. A complete, real family. And that dream isn’t bad in any sort of way nor toxic and self-harming. It’s a good thing to wish for, Rey realizes with a smile. It may even be close to becoming a truth. 

“So,” Rose sings through the speaker, in a way that makes Rey roll her eyes with a smug smile. “Tell me, how are things going with you and Snap?” 

It had been yet another day at the Jakku Café when a man who called himself Snap ordered a coffee. When Rey had tried to ask about his preference for milk and sugar, the man had simply stared at her until his face brightened. Excusing himself because he just couldn’t help staring since Rey was so pretty. 

The compliment had made her blood turn into ice and Rey hated it. Hated the thought of a man seeing her as a woman. With a strained nod, she once again asked if he wanted milk in the coffee. Letting the subject go. But the man came every day thereafter and it took weeks before Rey acknowledged his shy smiles and embarrassed gesture as something nice and not threatening . Rey is so used to the destruction that the thought of someone wanting her with good intentions felt alien. 

“You deserve it,” Finn had said over the phone when Rey called. Snap had asked her on a date and it scared her to death. " You deserve to be loved."

Rey does. She really does. 

“Everything is the same,” Rey reports back, cutting the carrot into tiny pieces and then wiping her hands on the cloth hanging over her shoulder. “Nothing has happened since you last called.” 

“Come on! Nothing? ” 

Rey bites her lip, debating with herself whether she’ll tell or not. In the end, Rey takes a step back, making sure her children are distracted. They’re in the living room, the TV on some kid’s show but the siblings are both on the floor, toys scattered around them and flying in the air. At least they’re distracted.

Rey clears her throat before whispering into her phone. Cheeks on fire. “I’m thinking about doing it. With him.” 

“...No way.” 

“Yes way.”

“Seriously? Are you ready?” 

Snap and Rey have been dating for about a year now; it’s only natural that they would be doing it by now. But every time they’ve gone further than kissing, Rey freezes up and starts to hyperventilate. It’s just that… as soon as his hand starts to wander, it feels like they’re his . Like they’re going towards her throat, ready to choke her. Ready to cut her air off then whisper against her cheek of all the things he would do to punish her. 

Snap panics and apologizes every time, then brings her a cup of calming tea. He has never asked or pushed the topic further, but Rey has still tried to explain out of respect. 

“The children’s father…” Rey had tried but the thought of his terror had made her voice shaky. The tea in her hand trembled. “He… He used to…”

“It’s okay,” Snap had said with a comforting smile, grabbing her hand. “I suspected something like that. I’m sorry that it happened to you; we’ll take this at your pace.” 

That had been several months ago and now, she feels ready. Snap is a good man. He’s nice with the kids and always tells her how he would love to be a father. He respects her and the children in every possible way. What more does Rey need? 

“I am!” Rey says determinedly. “I want this relationship to be serious. Ben likes him and Makaria… I’ll have to talk to her some more.”

“Rey,” Rose sighs. “It’s good that the kids like him, but do you?” 

“Of course I do!” Rey exclaims, cutting the veggies faster. “Why else would I-”

“Do you like him as a man? Or do you like him as a father?” 

Rey stills, eyes wide and the knife mid-way into the carrot.

A sudden, familiar scream causes Rey to jump startled.

“Mommy!” 

Rey throws the knife against the cutting board and runs toward the living room. Her son is on the ground with both hands on his cheek, massive tears already running down his face. Makaria hovers over her brother with hands in fists. Her eyes are red and wet too, but she’s angry. The situation is easy to read and Rey is shocked. 

“Makaria!” Rey screams, immediately sitting down to hug her Ben and the boy clings to her body like octopus tentacles. “What are you doing!? Why did you hit your brother?”

Makaria has no hesitation in hitting and screaming at her classmates whenever they say something mean but she had never done so to her brother. Ria loves Ben with all her heart, always protecting him from whatever harms his delicate heart. Whenever it’s bullies or scary bugs. 

“He says stupid things!” Ria screams, so loud that the walls shake, but Ben screams louder. 

“I did not!” 

“Yes, you did!” 

God, why are her children's voices so strong? 

“Ben, tell me what you said that made your sister so mad,” Rey tries, pushing his luscious brown hair from his eyes, clinging to the salty water. His lower lips wobble, hazel eyes cartoon-wide.  “Come on, you can tell mommy,” Rey smiles, encouraging him to speak. It doesn’t seem like he wants to say, but Ben is his mother’s boy. He always tells mom the truth. “I won’t be mad.”

“I s-said that I hate daddy.” 

Rey's smile dies. 

“I hate him,” Ben cries, tears arising. “Every time Ria asks about daddy, mommy cries...” 

Rey’s heart clenches painfully, a shaky inhale leaving her lungs. Oh, God. 

“I hate daddy for hurting mommy.” The boy throws himself over Rey and hugs her hard. As if she’ll disappear any second. “I hate daddy!” 

“I hate you, Ben!” Makaria cries, and Rey can only stare as her daughter flips out. Drops run down her dark eyes. They’re so dark. 

“Makaria…” Rey whispers, feeling empty inside. She doesn’t know what to say. What to do. Moments like this feel hopeless. 

“And I hate mommy the most!” She screams, eyes clenched. “I want my daddy!” 

Then Makaria runs to their bedroom and locks herself in. Slamming the door behind. 

 

 

 

Rey sighs, inhaling the steamy air through her nose and wiping the foggy mirror in front of her. She’s wrapped in a fluffy towel, another around her hair, and she’s about to put on this mask Finn has been yabbering about. He swears by it and she understands why. It smells like mint. It’s refreshing. 

It’s not often she does self-care but on shitty days like this, it makes the day a little less shitty. And Rey knows after that big fight in the living room, there will be no sleep for her. There never is when they talk about him. At least the children are sleeping now that it’s ten PM. 

The three of them are all sleeping in one bed. Ben can’t sleep without mommy, his arms around her neck throughout the whole night, and Makaria doesn’t want to admit that she’s too scared to sleep alone. It's better that way - Rey needs to see and have them by her side constantly or she'll get nightmares. 

Rey is about to open the cabinet when she stops, staring at herself in the mirror. It’s rare for her to do so, especially on days when she feels so down. Because she starts to inspect every inch of her skin - panics over non-existent wrinkles and illusions of gray slings of hair.  

Then those thoughts kick in.

How many years have passed by? How did the time pass so fast? Is she still beautiful? Would he still think she’s beautiful? He said that he likes young girls. She isn’t that 20-year-old teenager anymore. She’s 27 for God's sake! No, she has gained weight around her hips and her breasts are covered in stretch marks, and oh god, is that a wrinkle? It really is a wrinkle, right on her forehead-

Rey slams the cabinet shut, meeting the sight of her horrified, pale, complexion. Tears start to bubble up and she tries to think of Snap but his face blurs and someone else takes over. Someone with empty and soulless eyes, blood on his hands, and a smirk that is so terrifying it makes one want to die in terror. 

Rey hiccups, her trembling hands exposing the scar on her hips. She never looks at it and if the children ask she pretends she didn’t hear. It’s a parasite that sucks her energy whenever it’s exposed to her eyes, but she needs to see it. See what he did to her. 

The letters are as visible as ever. Brutal and honest. Rey chuckles humorless, tears falling down her face. 

Ben is right; she does cry every time daddy is brought up. 

 

 

 

Makaria is not in a great mood. 

A stupid idiot in her class opened his mouth again, mocking her daddy for being in prison and that he’s a bad man. Ria doesn’t bother to try and explain that her daddy isn’t a bad man (he really isn’t!). She just punches him in the face and waits for the teacher to scold her with crossed arms. 

But today, when the stupid idiot mocked her, Ria didn’t punch him. Yesterday mommy got yelled at by the mean principal and then she heard mommy cry last night. It’s not her fault that Ben is such a poop and saying poop things about daddy. 

But maybe Ria felt a bit guilty for saying that she hates mommy…

So she didn’t punch stupid idiot during recess. No, she simply went inside the corridors, took her and Ben’s backpacks, and went back outside again. She found Ben playing with his friends by the sandbox. That’s where all the babies play. Ben’s red raincoat is on, so it’s easy to spot him with a shovel in the wet sand. Ria has the same one, but bigger size. It looks like he’s trying to make a castle but it’s pretty much a sandhill. 

“Ben,” she calls and Ben looks up. He lights up and throws his shovel, runs toward his sister, and almost trips over his rubber boots. 

“Ria,” he laughs, hugging her hard. His nose is red and the light rain has made the hairs around his face wet. “I ate chocolate pudding after lunch - I got the last one!” 

“No way?” Ria gasps, but then she remembers that she’s mad and she can’t get distracted by pudding. “No! We are going home. I hate it here. Everyone is mean and stupid!”  

“Home? But…” Ben asks, confused. Throwing a glance over his shoulder. He wants to continue playing in the sandbox. “How?” 

“We walk to the bus stop.” Ria looks around, wiping her running nose and looking for an exit. She thinks there is an opening in the fence behind the building. “And jump on a bus.”

“But- But won’t mommy get angry?” As Ben worries, Ria puts his backpack on him and then her own. “And the teachers will see-”

“No, they won’t. Let’s go!”

Ria grabs him by the arm and runs towards the back of the school where no one plays. There is only grass and worms to pick on, which is kinda boring. Ria looks behind and sure enough, no teacher has noticed them gone from the sea of children jumping in puddles and throwing balls. They both got their cape on so they’re pretty much invisible. 

Ben is already on the verge of crying once they’re past the fence. 

“I don’t-” Ben sobs, refusing to walk any further down the road that leads them directly to the bus stop. There is nothing around them but the forest. “I- Mommy-”

Ria huffs, annoyed. Ben doesn’t move, how much she tries tugging his arm. “Ugh! Stop being such a crybaby!” 

“I’m not a crybaby,” Ben cries, tears and snot already running down his cheeks. But he doesn’t resist when Ria keeps dragging him down the empty road this time. 

“Good. Then stop crying and-”

“Hello, children.” 

The siblings gasp loudly and turn toward the source of the sound. By the lonely road there is a bench and on that bench sits an old man, smoking a cigarette. All alone. 

Makaria is scared, but she immediately hugs her shaking brother and raises her head in defiance. Ben is frozen against her, staring with wide eyes. 

Where did this man come from and why is he talking to them? Mommy always says that you don’t talk to strangers and if strangers talk to you, they’re bad. The stranger looks bad. He’s wearing a suit and everything is black. Like a supervillain. Shoes, tie, and even his hair - a bit gray too. It’s a bit long, but it’s in a bun. Ria has the same bun, but three. 

“W-who are you?” Makaria asks because the stranger looks at them like he knows who they are. He has scary eyes and a scary smile. She watched Batman several times; he reminds her of the Joker, but calm. 

“You don’t recognize me?” The man stands up and he’s really big. The cigarette in his hands falls to the ground and becomes smush under his sole. “I guess it’s not that odd; you were only a few months old when your mother left me.”

Makaria froze in place and now she’s really scared - for a whole different reason than before. The old man mentioned mommy. Her heart is beating super fast and she should run towards school with Ben on her back since it seems like he’s too scared to run. But Ria can’t help but ask one more time. 

“Who are you?” 

“Who am I?” The man smirks, tilting his head playfully then looking them both in their terrified eyes. “I am your father.”

 

 

 

Chapter 2

Notes:

Guys, I'm so HAPPY to see that you enjoyed the first chapter! So here is the next 🥰

Chapter Text



 

A normal dinner at the Niima’s is nothing but normal. It often begins with something over-cooking or boiling over, Rey cutting or burning herself in a hopeless attempt to make dinner. She’s exhausted by the time she’s home and she’s practically finished when the food is served. 

Then her children begin to either laugh-eating or bicker-eating. Laugh-eating often consists of Ben making a silly face and Ria thinking it’s hilarious and then this hell of laughter and throwing food across the table begins. By the time they’re getting ready for bed, the kitchen is a nightmare that Rey has to clean up.

Then there is bicker-eating. Ria has a bad day, Ben is her poor victim. He starts to cry and once he starts it doesn’t finish. Makaria screams and once she screams, that doesn’t end either. Food is thrown across the table but out of anger instead. By the time they’re getting ready for bed, the kitchen is a nightmare. 

So, dinners usually end the same. 

But today, it’s quiet. Too quiet. Rey is exhausted and invites Finn for dinner so he can do the dinner.  He does it with a huff, equally exhausted as a social worker, and makes some kind of meatloaf. Rey waits patiently for her children to begin. Laughter or bickering.

They do neither. They eat from their plates in silence. Eyes distant and distracted, nibbling on potatoes without complaints or compliments. Ben, who loves every kind of food, only pokes with his fork. 

Rey blinks dumbfounded and throws Finn a glare. He blinks, then leans towards her discreetly. 

“What the hell is wrong with your children?” 

Rey has no idea. 

“Kids?” They jump startled and straighten their backs nervously as if they’ve been caught doing something they aren’t supposed to do. “Are you alright? Do you like Uncle Finn’s food?” 

“Yes, mommy.” They sing in unison, almost comically. 

Okay, that is worrying. Whenever she asks that they always try to be as mean as possible to make Finn pretend-cry which they think is hilarious. It causes them to laugh and jump excitedly before rushing to hug and calm him like a baby. 

“...Did something happen today at school?” 

The siblings share a look that Rey will never be able to read, for she has no brother or sister herself. They seem to exchange words and sentences between a single glance. At first, Rey worries that Makaria might have done something bad and is threatening her brother to keep quiet about it. But they look equally conflicted.

“No,” Ben says and that’s final. They break eye contact and continue eating like robots. 

Rey is so confused, sharing a look with Finn. 

“Should I call Poe?” He whispers and Rey snorts. Like she needs Finn to invite his boyfriend to this mess too

“This can’t possibly be linked to a crime!”   

Finn gives her a look, before shrugging his shoulders. “Bet they killed someone.”

Rey kicks him under the table. 

 

 

“Was that really daddy,” Ben had asked when they were back at school. His eyes were wide and horrified. 

Their bags are still on their backs and they’re standing in the middle of the schoolyard completely in shock. Children are still playing and teachers scroll through their phones under a parasol. The rain continues. It’s as if they never left. 

“How else did he know about mommy's scar?” Makaria whispers, still dumbfounded. He also knew which letter it was, a K and an R, and mommy never shows her scar to anyone. 

How do I know?” The man had smirked, lips wide. “ I helped mommy heal after she got the scar.”  

Makaria didn’t think that her daddy would be so scary. Yet she can’t help but love him. Admire him. The way he sat on that bench, the way he scooped her up to place on his lap. And when he told Ria that she’s grown beautifully, that she’s daddy’s princess, she knew. 

“But mommy cries when we ask about daddy…” Ben’s eyes are once again tearing up, snot running down his nose. “He must’ve been mean to mommy-”

Makaria is scared of her father, but she loves him really much. So she gets angry when Ben doesn’t. 

“He said that mommy left him , so mommy must have been the mean one! Why are you always such a chicken, Ben?!” Now Ria’s eyes are starting to tear. “Don’t you want to have a daddy like everyone else?” 

“I- I do!” Ben cries, stomping his feet. 

While Makaria had sat in the man’s lap, dumbfounded and surprised, the man had then looked at Ben with scary eyes. The boy had shrunk under his gaze, wanting to run away but not without his sister. 

The man smiled. “Ben?” 

Ben swallowed, holding in a sob. The man knows his name. “...Yes?” 

“You look like your mother. So beautiful. Daddy’s sunshine.” 

Makaria was right. Ben wants a daddy like everyone else. He wants a daddy like all his friends at school. Picking him up after classes, carrying him on his shoulders. Making pancakes together and being daddy’s sunshine.   

Even if Ben felt like throwing up in horror, he couldn’t help to feel happiness bloom inside him through the soil that was his anxiety. Daddy’s sunshine; that’s all he wants to be! But even if it felt good and Ben wanted to be greedy, he couldn’t ignore the feeling that something was wrong. 

“... I do,” Ben mumbles, defeated. Head hanging in worry. He really does, as much as Makaria. 

“We promised daddy not to tell mommy,” Makaria whispers, as anxious as her brother. “So we can meet him again.” 

 

 

 

Rey is twirling the spoon in her now cold-coffee cup, sighing loudly. 

“You alright?” 

Rey looks up, smiling when she sees Snap standing before her. A loose tie around his neck and suitcase in his hands. His hair a bit ruffled as if he just got out of bed. He works near Jakku café at an office and still gets his coffee here on lunch breaks. It was a bit nerve-wracking when they first started dating, but now it only makes Rey happy. It’s a delight taking her own breaks together with him. 

“Did the newbie spill steamed milk all over the floor again? Wait, is he still a newbie if he’s worked here for a month now?” 

Rey chuckles, shaking her head. “It’s you that calls him a newbie, not me!” 

Snap sits across her, putting his bag on the floor with a soft smile. “You want to tell me what’s bothering you?”

Once again, a sigh leaves her lips and Rey wipes her palms against the beige work-apron she wears. Every parental battle is like going to war blindfolded and this is once again an unknown battlefield. Where do you go, and who do you talk to? It’s endless thinking that drains her energy. 

And Snap is easy to talk to. Whenever he gives her that smile, filled with understanding and adoration, it feels like everything is going to be alright. 

“My children… They’ve been so weird the past couple of weeks.” 

Snap raises an eyebrow. “Weird?”

“Makaria’s teacher called and told me that she’s extremely distracted during classes; doesn’t even react when the kids are being mean like she used to. Ben isn’t as joyful, doesn’t hug me as much, and is also distracted at school. They’re quiet, obedient, and like- communicate through eye contact! It’s so weird - I don’t understand what’s going on.” 

Snap leans back on his chair with a thinking hum, scratching his chin. “Well, I don’t know much about kids, but it sounds to me that they’re sharing a secret.” 

Rey raises her eyebrows before she starts to chuckle. “No.

“No?”

“No,” Rey snorts, shaking her head. “Ben can’t keep a secret, he tells me everything! He would never…” 

Would he?

“I don’t know Rey,” Snap sighs, leaning back on his chair. “Whatever it is, don’t force them to answer. Let them just know that you’re there for them.” 

Snap has a point. Forcing her kids to come clear doesn’t seem like a good idea; it'll only scare them into thinking that whatever secret they’re keeping will lead to scolding. Reminding them that she's there for them, however, will create a safe place for them. Maybe even guilt trip them into confessing, but Rey won’t admit that out loud. 

“You’re really good at this,” Rey nods, impressed. Pointing at him with the spoon. “I like that.” 

Snap smirks. “I’m good at other things too.”

Rey scoffs unimpressed, but her cheeks are tinting violently. It’s like she’s a teenager all over again, the mention of sex making her react this silly. It’s actually kind of nice. She likes that about Snap too. 

Rey thinks twice before answering. “Well, you get to prove that on Friday.” 

His eyes widened. “Will I?”

“Mhm. Break’s over,” Rey exclaims, standing up hurriedly and brushing imaginary crumbs off her apron. Trying to hide her reddened face. Clearing her throat, she throws him a glance. He’s never looked this smug and happy before. It gives her enough courage to set a time. “Pick me up at 12?” 

 

 

 

Makaria is only eight years old, but even she’s smart enough to realize that her elementary school is really bad. 

Every day after classes, when they and the rest of the hundred students play outside, Ria and her brother sneak behind the building. Away from the prying eyes of teachers and playing children. There, they climb through the hole in the fence and walk a bit down the road. To the bench where the old man sits every time. 

They’ve met daddy every day. Has for the last couple of weeks. He always smokes, eyes distant in the woods surrounding him. But when the children run towards him with happy cries, he flicks it to the side and opens up his arms with a smile. 

“Daddy!” They yell in unison, jumping into his lap. He smells like smoke and man perfume. Uncle Poe sprayed some on Ben once and he liked it. Daddy’s smells better, though.

Daddy never says anything, just kisses them each on their head, and then sets them on his lap. Sometimes he brings them candy, a lollipop each that they devour happily. Daddy always brings them food when there is fish at lunch because he knows the siblings hate it. 

Today he brought toys. Ben got a racing car that can go really fast when you pull it backward and Makaria a Tamaguchi. Everyone in her class got one, so when she told daddy with a pout, he got her one the next day. 

Makaria has never been happier, sitting in daddy’s lap and playing with her purple toy in the middle of nowhere. He hugs her against his chest, watching Ben play a further bit away while taking phone calls when they come. It’s a bit scary sometimes, the way he hawks over them with dark eyes, but they’re used to it now. 

After the siblings are content and happy, with either sugar or toys, daddy starts asking questions about mommy. Makaria thinks he misses her because he wants to know everything. About where she works, who she works with, how many friends she got, what she wears, and when she sleeps. 

The children don’t mind answering; it’s their daddy, after all. 

Then they have to go back after an hour or so. Daddy always reminds them not to tell mommy about this. He even has to take their toys; they can’t take them home. 

When they get back to school, sneaking into the background, it’s like they never left. Children swing on the wings and play tag around the yard. The teachers scroll through their phones. 

Yeah, maybe not the best school. 

 

 

 

They’re sitting in the living room playing with Lego, whispering to each other, when Rey decides to butt in. Because they are never this silent and obedient, and sure; it may be a bit nice, but this is not them. Rey rather has them screaming and laughing - just being themselves. 

She starts to question Finn. Maybe they did kill someone. 

“Kids,” she begins. Causing the younglings to turn their heads towards their mother as she sits on the ground with them. “I want you guys to know that I’m there for you,” Rey says. Undertoning there  a bit dramatic. “So… if there is anything you want to tell me, I’m here to listen.” 

The siblings share a look; eyes wide and panicked, and Rey waits patiently. They exchange words and expressions through their single eye contact and it’s quite fascinating, but she needs them to tell the truth so she can help and save them from whatever secret they’re holding. 

“Okay. Thanks, mommy,” Makaria says, going back to play with the Lego. Ben joins his sister and the conversation is over. 

 

 

 

“Does your mother have a boyfriend?” 

Makaria, who’s busy feeding her Tamaguchi, looks up to meet daddy’s eyes. He never really talks so when he does, it feels like she has to put her fullest attention on him. Otherwise, it feels like he’ll get mad and bad things will happen. 

Ben hums happily, leaning against daddy’s chest and picking on the car's wheels. It doesn’t seem like he’s as afraid to talk with daddy without eye contact as Makaria is. Maybe he’s too little to understand. 

“His name is Snap,” Ben says, making small ‘vroom vroom’ sounds. “He’s nice but Ria doesn’t like him. She kicked him once.”

“Stop saying stupid things, Ben!” Makaria cries, face becoming crimson in embarrassment. She doesn’t want to look childish and stupid in front of daddy, but then she hears him snort. 

With a glance, she sees his lips turned into a smirk - amused by his daughter's hatred for the poor man. He kisses her on her cheeks and Ria’s tummy feels all bubbly in happiness. Maybe she did a good job kicking his shin. 

“It’s okay, princess,” daddy assures. “I’ll get rid of him and make mommy mine again.” 

Both Ben and Ria, who sits on each leg, look up at him with raised eyebrows. Daddy has always told them to be careful, not to tell them about him, and that mommy shouldn’t know. Now he claims the opposite and the siblings light up in joy. 

“Are you finally going to meet mommy?!” Ben laughs, his freckled cheeks turning pink in delight. 

Daddy hums in agreement, kissing Ben’s temple with a smile. “Soon we'll be a real family.” 

 

 

 

Why Ben thought starting a tickling game in the middle of dinner was a good idea, Rey will never know. It began with a poke on Ria’s arm and then she did it to him and suddenly food and laughter were thrown all across the kitchen.

Rey is too exhausted to tell them off, but she can’t help but smile seeing her children laugh-eating. Everything seems to be back to normal. 

 

 

 

Fridays are Rey’s only day off managing the café. Ever since Maz retired and put the business in her hands, she’s never had a break. From renovating the old location to educating new baristas. So when the staff assured her that they would manage and the opportunity to get a free day on Friday was given, Rey took it. 

While the kids were at school, she would clean the apartment. The small fucking apartment she got at 19, with one room and shitty wallpapers. Where the windows by the kitchen are always covered with curtains and locks constantly activated. 

After that, she would put on some movie, maybe drink wine or tea, and cook some lunch. Buy some Chinese if she was lazy. Then take the bus and pick up the children. 

Ever since she started dating Snap, however, Fridays have been their days off. Snap doesn’t have to be in the office constantly - he can pretty much work from home whenever. So while the kids are at school, there was no need to hire a nanny. They would pretty much have dates in the middle of the day. It’s not the most romantic but being a mother isn’t always romantic and Snap understands that. He’s a nice man. 

What’s not so romantic is having sex in the middle of the day. Because that’s what she plans to do. To have sex with him for the first time. 

Rey’s ready. She is. This time, she won’t freeze up when he puts his hands on her. This time, she’ll relax and enjoy. The children are at school playing, the café is running along great. He is locked up and won’t touch her ever again. There is nothing that can stop her from feeling good. 

So after she waves the children goodbye by the school entrance, she goes home to shower. Shave, scrub and moisturize. Sexiest lingerie she owns; a black lace bra and matching panties. Over that, a knitted dress and black pantyhose. Hair in three buns, mascara, and gold eyeshadow. 

Done. 

Before Rey gets ready to leave, the door knocks, and Rey is surprised when she sees a delivery man, holding a big bouquet of flowers. It’s in every color, fresh and beautiful. A nice contrast to the gray autumn month ahead, and a nice gift that makes Rey’s inside tingle. 

“Rey Niima?” 

“Yes, that’s me.” 

She signs a paper and when she places the bouquet in a vase, in the middle of the kitchen table, her lips twist into a big smile. There is a card resting between the petals and Rey sighs in happiness when she reads the heartwarming words. 

I can’t wait to see you.

Snap is such a man. 

He’s supposed to pick her up by the corner of Jakku café at 12 PM. Rey wanted to greet her staff and ask the newest if everything is going alright before the date. So after she does, she goes outside to wait. It’s a bit cold and cloudy - the concrete is wet. It rained all night. She doesn’t mind though. She’s in a good mood over the bouquet. 

Cars pass by and Rey waits. She looks around, back at her wristband, and down the streets again. The blue Toyota doesn’t show up and a mere fifteen minutes then 30 pass by without any sight or message from Snap. 

Anxiety collects and becomes a rock inside Rey’s stomach. She can’t help but feel bad about all this. It’s not like him to be late and when he is, he always texts her to let her know, so she doesn’t have to freeze waiting outside. With furrowed eyebrows, she takes up her phone. Nibbling on her lips as she thinks of calling him.

Then her phone vibrates and Rey jumps startled when she sees Snap calling. 

“Hello? Snap,” Rey asks through the phone with a chuckle, worried and nervous. “Where are you? You can’t just buy me flowers and bail on me...” 

“Rey…” He sighs and she can hear his background loud and clear. Ordering voices and machines beeping. It almost sounds like… “I’m at the hospital.” 

Rey froze in place. “ What ? Are you alright?” 

“I don’t know what happened,” Snap groans, and she can almost see him drag a hand across his face. “I was just about to jump into the car and then I looked up and it just… like, aimed at me.” 

Rey is left speechless, a shiver running down her spine. This situation feels eerily similar to what has happened in her past and it must be a coincidence. Yes, it must be. 

But the lie doesn’t calm Rey an ounce. Not one bit. She has a bad feeling about all this and assumptions are enough for her to panic. It feels like her sight is blurring and suddenly it becomes hard to breathe. As if every breath weighs several pounds.

“I just got a scratch but someone still called an ambulance and they insisted that I go get myself checked-”

“What- What model was the car,” Rey asks, panicked. Voice shaky and under no control. 

“... How did you know it was a car?” 

“Just answer the question!” she screams, clearly getting side glances from pedestrians, but she’s sweating and desperate. Now it’s just hard to breathe.

“It was… I think it was-” 

Rey’s phone vibrates against her ear and when she looks at the screen, it’s her children’s school that’s calling. And of course, it’s rude and completely improper to hang up on her boyfriend. Especially when he’s in the hospital after an accident. 

But something inside of Rey roars. Bubbling in her stomach like fire, burning her from the inside out with a panic that has her hands trembling. Something is wrong, incredibly wrong, and she needs her children now. She needs them all together, backed into a corner and in her eyesight so she can be ready to protect them. 

Rey hangs up on Snap and answers the elementary school number. She prays that it's just Makaria who has hit someone or that it’s just Ben that’s dramatically crying after mommy’s warmth. Just prays that everything is normal. 

“Ms. Niima,” a panicked teacher begins. “We had a substitute teacher who couldn’t possibly know but your children have been picked up by a man who claims to be their father. Should we call the police?” 

The phone vibrates once again and it’s a message from Snap. 

It was a black SUV. 

A quiet second passed by, Rey’s mind blank. She blinks at her screen. One, two, three times. She cannot hear the cars driving by, nor the teacher asking if she’s still present on the phone. Everything stills, eyes re-reading the words a hundred times, and Rey fears that the next moment is when she simply dies. When it becomes too much for her system. 

It’s way too quiet inside of her and Rey recognizes it as the calm before the storm. The calm before she loses her shit. And she loses it when Snap sends the last text. 

And what did you mean by flowers? I never bought you any. 

 

 

 

Chapter 3

Notes:

Two positive things; the chapter count went up and this chapter is very long! Enjoy <33

 

Oh, it's also time to READ THE TAGS I've warned yall don't come for me

Chapter Text

 

 

 

The wind flows by her ears, screaming as if she’s in the middle of the ocean. But the only ocean there is, is the one she’s drowning in. Despair, panic, and fright, are combined into a liquid that slips into her lungs and burns. 

Rey hears her blood pump into her brain. It flows around her body at a speed that cannot be healthy. Her legs are trembling, burning something awfully, but she can’t stop herself from running. She can’t comprehend what is happening around her. Of people throwing her worried glances, of cars almost running over her, or the fact why she’s running towards home. 

But Rey knows somehow. Knows that she needs to run home. 

Rey blinks and she’s suddenly by her apartment complex. She blinks once more and she’s standing by her front door. Breathing so loudly that it echoes in the corridors. Her feet ache and her hands tremble when she reaches for the handle. 

It’s open. She locked it before she went out. 

“Mommy?” 

Ben’s voice comes from the living room and Rey closes the front door with a thud. Staring down the hallway until her son stands before her. Ben is all smiles, but it dies the moment he sees his mother. Sweat runs down her face and her eyes are wide and blank with tears. Her lower lip is trembling and she’s pale, almost yellow, in terror. 

“Mommy, are you alright?” 

Rey opens her mouth, but nothing but a pitiful whine leaves her lips. 

Makaria comes to join her brother, giddy and blooming in happiness. Completely unknowing of her mother’s panic attack. “Mommy, mommy! Daddy is here!”

And just like that, Kylo Ren stands in her hallway and Rey’s soul leaves her body. 

Her legs give in and she slides against the door as a loud cry escapes her mouth. She’s scaring her children but she can’t control herself. Like a prey facing its predator, every cell in her body screams for her to run. But all she can do is stare at him, deer in headlights.

It’s been seven years since she saw him. Seven years and it’s like the time never went. Same emotions, horror, and unwanted attraction bubble up and it's a disgusting combination. 

His hair, half-tied and luscious, has streaks of gray in it. His nose is a bit crooked, probably a result of some fistfight on the inside. It shows that there has been nothing to do but to work out because he’s bigger than before. Muscles, tights to biceps, carved against the black blazer he’s wearing. Nothing has changed; he’s all black and terrifying. 

But what’s terrifying is that he’s standing before her with the most hateful fire in his empty eyes. It burns with anger, rage, and terror that takes Rey right back to where she was seven years ago. In her short nightgowns and with bare feet. When she couldn’t speak freely, act freely, or feel free, without threatening her life. And the sudden reminder of the life before is a shock. Like being hit by a bus of horrible memories.

“Mommy!” The siblings cry worried, their big eyes filled with worry when Rey’s panic attack shows in the form of painful sobs and hands clutching her hair in horror. 

It can’t be possible. It can’t. He got a lifetime in prison - how is he out? Why is he here? How did he manage to gain the children's trust?

But before they can run up to her, Kylo does. He takes two big steps and with a firm grip around her throat, presses her up against the door. Rey cries loudly when the side of her face hits the door painfully. Tears are already leaking out of her clenched eyes and she hasn't been this scared for a long time. She’s become too comfortable. 

It’s like she’s forgotten how massive he is. His head almost reaches the ceiling. She can’t move her body but she can hear her children gasp in fear at Kylo's harsh treatment; witnessing their mother getting abused.

He’s already traumatizing them.  

“You’re going to follow me to the bedroom, acting calm,” he whispers harshly into her ear, causing Rey to sob louder. “Or I’ll fuck you right in front of the children. Do you hear me?” 

Rey nods, hurriedly. Panicked and hiccuping. When she opens her eyes, she sees Makaria and Ben over Kylo’s shoulder and they look terrified. Her children’s eyes are wide in fright, glazing with unshed tears and small bodies pressed to one another as if they’ll protect each other from this monster hurting their mother. 

They can’t see that Kylo is choking her under his massive form, but they can still hear their mother’s cries. But what Rey can sense the most is guilt. Confusion. They’re afraid that they might’ve done something wrong, something awfully wrong, which will lead to their mother's bad end. 

Rey can’t do that to her children, for they will never forgive themselves if they find out that they’ve opened the door to the man that will destroy her life - again.  

So Rey smiles. Through tears and a trembling chin. 

“K-Kids,” Rey begins. Voice shaky and unreliable. “I'm alright. Why don’t you go and w-watch a movie, while mommy talks to your father?”

The siblings look deeply confused, but already seem a bit reassured. “But mommy…” 

“Y-you can watch whatever you want!” Kylo understands the plan and lets go of her throat, taking a step back. But he does take a hard grip around her wrist instead. Rey flinches in pain but continues the act. “Take out some snacks and- and put the volume on high. Just don’t bother us for a while, okay?” 

They aren’t allowed to watch movies before homework and surely aren’t allowed to eat snacks either. Maybe that’s why they both lit up and hurries to the kitchen to get their favorite potato chips. Leaving Kylo and Rey alone. 

Kylo drags her to the bedroom and she follows, biting her inner cheek to maintain her wheezes. She can’t let herself panic; she doesn’t doubt Kylo’s threat one bit. But when he closes the bedroom door and turns the lock, Rey’s tears run freely. She doesn’t dare to face him - keeping her head lowered.

How is he here? When did he get out? How did he manage to create a relationship with her children strong enough for them to let him inside their home comfortably? It comes back to Rey then; how this man would do anything to get what he wants and the law nor fooling children won’t stop him. 

He’s a monster. A monster she was once in love with. 

Kylo takes a step closer, only an inch between their bodies when he places a massive palm on the back of her exposed neck. It’s supposed to be in a calming manner, the way the tip of his finger massages against the vertebrates, but Rey continues bawling. How did everything go so wrong so fast? 

“Already crying, sunshine?” He whispers soft and gently, his voice so different from a moment ago. Rey cannot answer, terrified when he leans forwards. Placing a soft kiss on her scalp. “I’ll give you a real reason to cry once I punish you…”

Rey’s eyes widen, air stuck in her throat. 

No, no, no - this can’t be happening!

“Take off your clothes.” 

Rey meets his eyes, pale and in shock. “Please-”

“Take off your clothes.”

“Kylo, please-

“Rey, dear.” Kylo sighs and it makes her whole body shiver painfully. “Don’t make me angry.” 

He’s already angry but Rey doesn’t want to see him angrier. She’s afraid of him, but she’s more worried that he’ll hurt her enough to make her scream and scare the children. The walls are thin - she can hear them arguing over what movie to watch. Makaria always wants to see Batman, but Ben prefers Frozen. 

Rey will take their normal childhood away from them if she doesn’t oblige and takes off her clothes. Such a small thing will change the path of fate completely. That is what Kylo is; an unpredictable bomb that will explode by the lightest defiance and Rey is a victim. She has scars on her body - signs of all the times she’s stood her ground. 

So she does, slowly dragging off the pantyhose and black dress over her head with clenched eyes as each sob and hiccup becomes more violent. Leaving her in the black lingerie that another man was supposed to see her in. The thought disgusts her. Refusing to look his way.

The Batman intro plays in the background - Ria must’ve won. She usually does. 

“Oh, Rey.” His rough palms cup her naked shoulders and Rey flinches, curling up against the wall behind her as he drags his hands over her arms. “My dear sunshine; you’re in so much trouble…”

Rey raises her head, doe-wide eyes taking in his distant face. He stares at her body, from her naked feet up to her exposed collarbones. There is no sexual desire behind his look, but a desire to paint her with bruises. Claim her as his again. 

“You haven’t visited me once in seven years. I accepted that - really. But cheating ?” 

Kylo clicks his tongue in disapproval. Rey blinks, confused. Cheating? Has she been… cheating?  

Rey’s mind is blank when he meets her eyes. Behind his calm facade, she knows he’s burning with an uncontrollable rage. And it shows when he leans forward. Searching her eyes for a few silent seconds before spitting in her face - punctuating each word: 

“You’re a fucking slut, Rey.” 

She doesn’t know why, but those words kill her, and her eyes fill up with tears all over again. Heart clenching painfully in betrayal. Betrayal over the fact that she cares what he thinks of her. He, who has robbed her of the ability to even share a kiss, accusing her of such a thing is unfair. It’s so unfair to the point that it hurts. 

“Leaving your husband to rot in prison, while spreading your legs for another man...” He chuckles and that's when she knows he’s aggravated. Taking her back to when she was chained to the bed - knife shining, blood squirting. Rey’s face falls and she cries when he glances over her laced body with disgust. “You’re a fucking whore -”

“No! No, Kylo I haven’t-” 

I haven’t done anything wrong!

“Haven’t what?! ” 

“I n-never- We never…” Rey can’t finish her sentence, but they both know what she’s implying. 

But Kylo is not pleased, rage flashing in his eyes for a microsecond before he lifts his arm and slaps her across the face. The sudden pain explodes on her face and the sound of flesh hitting flesh echoed in the bedroom. She lets out an eerie cry, falling against the wall, and her mouth is filled with the taste of iron. 

The world seems to still and so does Rey’s mind, her ears ringing. A memory hits her. Back to when she just had Ben; breastfeeding him on the couch while Makaria balanced on her feet; taking her first steps and leaning against the couch next to Rey’s knees. MTV was in the background, playing old hits, and rays of sunshine filled the living room. 

At that moment, exhausted and tired Rey was, she had felt so happy. So blessed. In her unchanged, stained T-shirt, two weeks of unwashed hair, and a home not cleaned in days. Seeing her children play and eat, having everything they needed. Content; she was so content. 

Yet, at that moment, something had whispered in the back of her head. 

“I miss him.” 

The world comes back to her. Rey blinks and the ringing sound and blurry surroundings fade. Kylo grabs her by the hair - snatching it downwards to face her. Rey breathes loudly - can barely look straight. It hurts

How could she have missed him? Missed this ?

“Don’t fucking lie to me, Rey,” Kylo hisses. “Or I swear to God-” 

“No, no please, Kylo! I’m not! Please, I j-just wanted-” It’s turning hard to breathe again and her vision blurs. The tears won’t stop. God, it hurts. “I just w-wanted them to have a f-father! I just want a f-family-” 

“Well, I’m here now - aren’t I?” 

Before Rey can blink, Kylo takes something out of his pocket and her wrist is tied against each other. Rope tight and painful over the old scars and it’s a reminder that Rey’s life never stops repeating itself, how many times she tries running away. 

Rey knows that there is no point in fighting. So she stares, hiccuping, as he makes knot after knot, each tightening enough to sting. It feels like she’s looking at this through someone else’s eyes. Is this really her body? 

“You should fucking thank me for not ordering my men to run over your little boyfriend ,” Kylo chuckles, and then he pushes her down to her knees. Rey gasps, her naked knees throbbing from the impact, but she can barely feel it. 

This position always leads to one thing and the sound of Kylo opening up his belt, metal clinging mockingly, causes Rey’s head to buzz. She’s dizzy. She thinks she’s going to vomit in fear. 

“Please-” 

“Fuck… Seven years Rey,” Kylo hiss, teeth bared. “For seven fucking years I’ve imagined fucking your tight little throat. Open up for me.” 

Rey can’t. She stares at him with pleading eyes, wishing for an outcome. A bruise is already blooming across her cheek and she’s shivering - freezing and frightened. When he cups her cheek, softly and caring, her wish almost seems to be a possibility. Until he presses his thumb into the side of her mouth, forcing her lips to part. 

Before Rey knows it, he’s pushing his cock into her mouth. He groans and Rey whimpers, tied hands grasping his leg. The taste of him spreads on her tongue, the taste familiar and horrifying. It goes deeper and deeper down her throat and Rey gags, eyes running.

“Take it,” Kylo whispers nastily. His fingers tighten around her scalp, a shaky groan leaving his lips. “My dear Rey of sunshine…” 

He pulls out and Rey gasps - coughing and sobbing as tears and saliva run down her face. It seems to turn him on even more because he pushes himself back again, deep deep down, and pulls out. 

It’s like every cell of Rey’s body stops working. It’s like she’s a doll, lifeless and paralyzed. The shock has her sitting there, on her knees and hands tied, doing absolutely nothing to stop Kylo from raping her. She can only stare at him, eyes wide and leaking, trying not to gag as he thrust deeper and faster into her mouth. 

The children laugh at something Robin said - it’s their favorite character.  

“Look me in the eyes, Rey.” She does and her lower abdomen flutters when their eyes meet. He’s biting his bottom lip, smirking with glittering eyes. It’s painful to admit how handsome this psychopath is. “Every time I fucked my hand, I thought of you sucking my cock. Fuck, just like that… Did you think of me, huh? When you touched yourself?”

Rey nods defeated, sobbing. No point in lying anymore. 

Kylo’s eyes glimmer, hissing through his teeth. He thrusts faster. “You see, Rey? No one can fuck you the way I do. That fucking boyfriends of yours can’t make you cum the way I make you. Crying and screaming my name like the bitch you are for me.” 

Rey clenches her thighs shamefully, closing her eyes. She hates this and she hates herself, and she’ll feel like this til the moment where she gives up. This movie has repeated itself twice already; Rey knows how it’ll finish and she’s exhausted. She doesn’t have the power to resist a third time. 

Maybe the ending will come faster than she expects. 

“I’m going to kill him,” Kylo pants. Adrenaline causes his pupils to shrink and teeth to bare. Thrusting faster, deeper. Rey gags loudly, drops of saliva hitting her naked knees. “I’m going to kill him then fuck you on his dead body so hard you’ll beg me to stop. Beg me to stop fucking your tight little pussy. Until you fucking bleed, leak of my cum…”

A violent shiver runs down her body. 

Kylo pulls out with a gasp. “Stick out your tongue!” 

Rey does, closing her eyes as Kylo grunts and heaves above her. She holds onto his leg the best she can with tied wrists. Each rope of cum hits her skin; landing across her forehead, cheeks, and tongue. He marks her as his in the most animal, perverse way there is. It’s humiliating and mocking. By the time he releases a shaky exhale, Rey is crying again. Hiccuping and curling into a ball on the floor. Jaw aching. 

She feels so disgusting. 

“Oh, I’m not done with you.”

He grabs her by the arm, making her stumble across the room. She doesn’t think she can handle it anymore. 

“P-please,” Rey whimpers, eyes swollen and voice hoarse. “No more…” Her plea goes ignored.

She’s thrown on the bed, landing on her back with a gasp. Both legs dangling on the edge. It’s hard but Rey tries to lift herself with her elbows, trying to see what he’ll do to her, but by the time she manages, her eyes widen and a loud cry leaves her mouth. 

Kylo rips her panties off, throwing the offending piece of fabric away, and drags his tongue against her opening. 

Rey falls back on the bed, back arching and knees clenching around his head in an attempt to push him away. But Kylo grabs her thighs harshly, enough to bruise, and digs right in.

His tongue is warm and wet, presses and drags across places Rey didn’t know she enjoyed. It’s his own personal map and he traces the paths with the tip of his tongue - knows exactly where to go and what to do, even seven years later. 

“S-stop!” Rey sobs, twisting her upper body to the right and gasping into the sheets. Open mouth pressed into the bed in order to keep in her cries. It feels so… “No, don’t-”

Then he sucks her clit into his mouth and Rey thinks she’s dying.

“Oh, you’ve missed me, haven’t you sunshine?” Kylo chuckles, and Rey’s face reddens. She’s wet, completely soaked. Even after that awful blowjob. He slightly presses a thumb into her opening and the clicking sound makes it more mortifying. “Look at all this…” 

This must be her punishment. For staring into the mirror, wondering if he’d still find her attractive when in reality she shouldn’t even think of him at all. Now she’s cumming on his tongue, the evidence of his attraction to her strong but as strong as the sun. When it’s too much, it burns. 

Kylo eats her out like a starved man. Rey gasps, moans, and cums with a muffled cry embarrassingly fast. Hands covering her mouth the best she can with her wrist tied. Stars burst behind her eyelids and the euphoric sensation drags her down. Her body convulses, back arching and thighs locking his head in place as Kylo keeps dragging out the last of her orgasm. She doesn’t remember the last time she felt this good. 

Kylo said he would punish her. This must be it. Because when she comes back from her high, eyes cracking open to face the ceiling and out of breath, she feels disgusting. Even more than when she had sucked him off. Betrayal. Her body betrayed her. 

Snap would be gentle with her. Rey knows that. He would treat her like the woman she is, kiss her softly and stop as soon as there is displeasure. Would she even be able to orgasm then? Her body is destroyed; it doesn’t know pleasure without fear. Kylo makes her frightened but somehow it makes her cum faster. It makes it so much better. She thinks she’ll never feel this good without it. Without Kylo. 

Rey must be as sick as him.  

The bed sinks by her hips and when Rey looks down with drowsy eyes, Kylo has his knees placed between her legs. She can barely recognize him; his eyes are dark. Pupils are so dilated it’s only dark voids at this point. The look on his face reminds her of a starving animal. A drug addict, desperate for his high. He, once again, unbuckles his belt and lets his gaze run down Rey’s quivering body. This time, he looks at her with eyes filled with desire. The desire to hurt and fuck her blended into one terrifying look.  

“Gonna fuck you,” he mumbles while licking his lips, grabbing her hips and pushing her forward until her thighs rest around his waist. The harsh movement makes her gasp. “Gonna fuck you so hard…”

“Kylo…” Rey whispers, defeated and frightened. She tries for eye contact so he can see the worry in her eyes - anything to make him second-think. He’s completely out of it, so desperate and hungry after seven years. It’s going to be rough, painful, and agonizing and Rey doesn’t want to. She doesn’t want this anymore. “The children, they’re going to hear-” 

Kylo completely ignores her and pushes his cock into her in one hard thrust. 

Rey throws her head back, eyes wide and a silent scream leaves her mouth agape. The fit is too much, and the fullness causes her whole body to tighten. An airy moan leaves her mouth, tied shaky hands grasping Kylo’s black shirt between her thighs.

Holy shit! 

Fuck! ” Kylo grunts, letting go of the juncture between her calf and knees to place his palms over her head. Their faces are only inches from each other, but Rey is still in shock to do anything but gasp. Wide eyes stare into his dark ones as if asking for mercy. It’s too much. 

“T-too much-” Rey whimpers, but is ignored once again.

“Rey, you’re going to answer me honestly this time,” he whispers into her ear. Voice breathy and trembling. “Did he fuck you?” 

“No,” Rey gasps. It’s so full inside her - she can’t think clearly. “No, I couldn’t! I was too scared…”

She can feel him smile against her ear.

“You were too scared because your body knows it belongs to me.” Rey sobs, face twisting in pain. She doesn’t even question his answer because it might as well be the truth. “It belongs to me. You belong to me.” 

He thrusts into her and Rey gasps. The children are suddenly laughing loudly, and it reminds them of their existence. It doesn’t stop Kylo, however. He covers her mouth with a palm and starts fucking her senselessly. 

Rey screams into his palm, clenching her eyes as she’s literally thrown deeper into the bed for each thrust. The bed starts creaking under them, squeaking loud as Kylo groans into her ear. Her thighs quiver like leaves, weak and unable to break free. 

There's nothing pleasurable about the way he pushes himself inside in a desperate manner. Not yet, at least. Her body usually turns the pain into pleasure in the end. Probably to minimize the trauma. 

“Fuck , fuck! ” Kylo curses. “Got yourself dolled up to meet another man, dressed like a fucking slut. But you’re my fucking slut! Don’t fucking forget that, Rey!” 

His words cause her insides to clench in pain. Rey twists her head, left and right. Arms outstretched in front of her, palms pressing against Kylo’s torso to minimize his violent thrusting. His body jerks over her, pressing her down. Panting into her scalp as if he’s running towards the finish line. All she sees is the black fabric of his shirt and skin flashing before her eyes. It’s claustrophobic. Terrifying. 

“Got my cum all over your face,” he chuckles, licking the side of her face like an animal. Rey groans, clenching her eyes as he drags his tongue from chin to temple.  “Like the whore you are for me.” 

Kylo’s massive palm comes to push her bra up, causing her breast to spill out of the cups. Rey's squeals are muffled when he squeezes them harshly. As if they’ll escape his touch if he doesn’t pinch hard enough. 

“Named my son after me, then let me rot away in prison.” He thrust particularly hard by that and Rey’s eyes widen when he hits her deep inside a place that makes her toes curl. The pleasure of it numbs the pain. “I fucking lost it when I found out. You deserve to be punished - you deserve this! ” 

The clapping sound of their hips conceals the voices of Makaria and Ben laughing and singing along to the Batman song. Her stomach starts to jolt for each thrust, building up into a second orgasm. Kylo lets go of her mouth, saliva running down her chin when he suddenly grabs her face. Fingers pinch her cheeks. He stares into her tear-filled eyes.
“I’ll forgive you, though. After I cum inside.” 

Panic catches inside of her like fire and Rey’s eyes widen when the thought hits her. 

“N-No, no Kylo I’m not- I’m not on anything!” She catches his eyes glimmering with arousal, lips curling into a toxic smile. Totally ignoring her pleads. “Y-you have to pull out!” 

He sighs content and then he thrusts again, causing Rey to moan loudly with a cry. “Good fucking girl…”

It’s starting to feel good again and she hates it, she despites it. Even when Kylo’s desperate grunts sound so delicious and even when he starts to suck into the skin of her neck. He fucks her like an animal; grunting and grabbing. Licking and sucking as if she’s the last  meal on earth. He needs her that much.

His movements start to stutter, his breath keeps hitching and Rey’s eyes flutter, tears running down her cheeks when his finger comes to rub her clit. Playing her like an instrument, knowing exactly how to do her. 

“P-pull out, please-” Rey sobs, throwing her head back. Heels digging into the mattress, fingers trembling violently. She’s there, she’s almost there and he is too. “Pull out...” 

It only seems to excite him more, rubbing her harder. Faster. “Gonna get you pregnant.  Gonna fuck a baby into you. Tell me you’ll make me a daddy.” 

“K-Kylo-” Rey clenches her eyes. Fuck, she’s cumming! “Please-”

“Tell me!” He shouts, loud enough that Rey is sure the children heard so she cries back hurriedly. 

“I-I want to make y-you a daddy!” She sees his fist clenching beside her head. Veins popping as he grabs the sheets under them hard. His breath hitches. “Want your babies in me!” 

“I’ll give you babies,” he gasps. “I’ll give you the fucking world.”

Kylo! ” Rey cries, clenching her eyes. He rubs her so well, fills her up so well. “I’m- I’m-” 

“Cum for me, Rey.” 

She does and she wants to die when a voice in the back of her head admits Kylo’s words from before, in the midst of her amazing orgasm.

Her body does belong to him. 

 

 

 

Chapter 4

Notes:

I'm too tired to read through the chapter so mind misspelling and whatnot for now, I'll fix it tomorrow xxoxo love u <3333

Chapter Text

 

 

 

Rey opens her eyes and she sits right up with a gasp.

Darkness surrounds her, the sound of three peaceful breathings fills the bedroom. She’s cold-sweating, grasping her chest in an attempt to calm down. It isn’t until she’s grabbing fabric that she realizes she’s wearing a nightgown. Satin, red. 

The moon casts light through the window and Rey lets her gaze fall to her side. Makaria and Ben sleep beside her on the bed, their hair ruffled and lips parted. Seeing isn’t enough, Rey cups the back of their heads to make sure they’re there. Feel them. Safe and sound with their mother. 

And over her sleeping children is an arm, cast across their petite bodies like a shield. Rey follows the structure of muscles, from his shoulder to the tip of his fingers where he’s holding on to Rey’s nightgown tightly, even in sleep. While the arm around the children feels safe, his grip on her feels controlling. 

Rey doesn’t remember when she fell into unconsciousness. After Kylo came inside of her he pushed a pillow under her hips and demanded her to stay still. Rey had been too exhausted to protest, hips raised to keep the cum inside. Her eyes had fluttered and pitiful whines left her throat. The world was spinning and her body trembled under the covers. Life felt broken. 

As if he hadn’t fucked her into oblivion, Kylo had put on his belt and walked out of the bedroom. Closing the door behind. The walls are paper-thin, so Rey heard how the children cheered happily at their father's presence. She could hear Makaria and Ben fight over who got to sit on his lap, ask where mommy was and if they fought. They were screaming, after all. 

“Your mother is resting - she’s very tired,” Kylo had said, then two kisses followed. The children giggled. “ She had to apologize many times.” 

Rey studies Kylo’s sleeping form besides Makaria, who’s next to Ben and Ben to her. He looks much younger asleep, eyelashes resting on his cheeks and plumb lips the same as their children. He’s not wearing anything on his upper body, revealing defined abs and her name carved into his chest. The scars look like hers; faded, almost purple, and horrifying. It causes her to shiver. Once upon a time she had been so happy by his sacrifice. 

Memories of yesterday and the past come back to her and Rey doesn’t know if she should cry or scream. Everything she had built over the last seven years had crumbled into ashes. Safety, security, and a peaceful future for her children. Everything is ruined by this man's presence and she doesn’t know what to do. 

Should she call the police? Poe? Can she take the kids and run? How will she afford it? Will he find them again?

Rey stares at her children. They’re wearing their pajamas, Makaria’s hair is in a braid and white stains of toothpaste are collected on the corner of their lips. They smell of the fresh raspberry shower gel Finn bought them. Kylo must have got them ready for bed, and she too. She’s clothed and there is no dried cum across her face or inner thighs. 

It causes Rey to panic because it makes her think about ridiculous scenarios. That Kylo maybe is a good father and that maybe -

No. 

No, she needs to stop this before she falls. She cannot fall again. 

Rey turns to stand from the bed, testing her muscles. With the wall as support, she slowly rises on her legs, Kylo’s hand grabbing the nightgown and falling to the bed with a thud. She clenches her jaw, holding in a groan when her cunt starts to throb, cum leaking down her inner thighs. Her handbag - it’s somewhere in the room. Her phone, she needs her phone- 

“Where are you going?”

Rey turns to the bed with a gasp, her air pipe clenching by the sight of Kylo - wide awake. He’s leaning against a probed elbow, dark eyes observing her like a lion ready to devour an antelope. It causes Rey to rethink fast because she’s wounded and weak. She cannot escape. 

“T-to the bathroom,” Rey says, voice breaking. Even Ben would catch that as a lie. 

Kylo stares at her as if deciding what to let the outcome of her answer be. Cause a scene, or let her go. He does what he’s good at, however. Making sure she knows her place. 

“There is no point in searching for your phone - I have it.” 

Rey tries to look unbothered, but her inside clench painfully. 

“...Okay.” 

“Don’t make much sound,” Kylo sighs, laying back down again and hugging both Ben and Makaria against his chest. “I don’t want my children to wake up.” 

Rey’s eyes twitch, fist clenched. Ignoring him, she turns and takes halting steps towards the bathroom, biting her inner cheek to hold in her screams. Bastard. Fucking bastard. By the time she’s locked inside the bathroom, tears are running down her cheeks and she leans against the door. Dragging her hair by the roots, eyes clenched as she takes loud inhales. 

How is it possible that just twelve hours ago she was getting ready for her date? That her life, her whole personality, and mindset, has gone backward seven years by the sight of this man? He makes her into the woman that needs to walk on eggshells and needs to think twice before saying anything. Because a single mistake can lead to new unlocked trauma. 

Three silent seconds pass by, a moment of silence for Rey’s peaceful life. She lifts the nightgown by the thighs, cringing when she sees bruises across her inner thighs. Fingers printed into the skin by her hips too. Next comes the blue across her cheek. It’s almost purple now and Rey touches it lightly with her fingertips. Smearing it with tears and smudged mascara. 

Rey takes a shower, letting the hot water run across her skin. Becoming one with the drops running down her face, becoming one with today's violation. It runs down into the drain, never to surface again. But even Rey knows that many more days like this will come and the water is only one of a hundred. 

 

 

 

Rey wakes up to the sound of laughter. Eyes cracking open, she glances at the clock in the bedroom. It’s 9 AM and the apartment smells of pancakes. 

…No one knows how to make pancakes but Rey.

Then she hears the excited voices of her children, fighting for their father's attention, and everything comes back to her like a punch in the gut. And her mother’s intuition screams at her to hurry. Hurry up and save her children from the monster that may have cooked pancakes for the kids.   

She halts into the kitchen hurriedly, wincing for each step, and she thinks she's hallucinating when witnessing empty plates with traces of syrup on the table, made dishes, and her children sitting on their father's lap. Full, content, and looking at pictures from Rey’s phone. They’re giggling and pointing while Kylo smiles at the screen, an arm each around their waists. 

“Here Ben was crying because mommy forgot to buy cinnamon rolls so I took mommy’s phone and took pictures of him!”

“No, I wasn’t! Oh- Oh daddy look; here Makaria fell from the couch after mommy told us not to jump on it and I took a picture so I could show mommy!” 

Rey’s poor phone barely has any space left with how much her children violate its camera roll. It’s barely in her own hands. 

But the biggest violation is him. Sitting in her kitchen, entertaining her children and creating the ideal of a domestic family. Kylo is wearing all black, has a dark aura that radiates from him, and has killed more than he has loved. Yet, a voice whispers in the back of her mind. The whisper of a 19-year-old Rey who thought Kylo’s attention was superior to any love she’s ever received. Who refuses to leave, even 8 years later: 

He fits in this picture. Perfectly. 

Ben turns and his eyes widen in fear when he sees Rey standing by the door, pale and staring like a maniac. 

“Mommy,” Ben cries, jumping from Kylo’s lap and straight towards hers. Throwing his arms around Rey’s hips. The impact hurts, but Rey stays quiet and hugs him back. “What happened to your face?” 

By the mention of it, her cheekbone throbs. The imprint of Kylo’s uncontrollable anger is visible to the world. She throws him a glare. His eyebrows are raised as if bothered. Like it was her fault for his abuse. Her fault for not covering up the bruise and having the children worry. Maybe it is… 

“I walked into the cabinet in the middle of the night,” Rey lies, giving Ben a reassuring smile and a clap on his head. “Mommy is just clumsy. I’m fine.” 

Ben seems reassured by that, but Makaria stares at Rey for a few extra seconds. Eyes filled with confusion. The daughter has always been cunning and steps ahead of her brother and she’s thinking loud enough for Rey to hear. It causes her heart to race, the thought that her children may find out makes her shiver. So she gives Makaria an extra smile, praying that it does the trick and that she doesn’t put the puzzle together. 

“Children, why don’t you go and get changed while I talk to your mother,” Kylo suggests and Makaria looks up, distracted. Thank God. 

They skip out of the kitchen happily, pinching and bothering each other with laughter. It isn’t until Rey hears them in the bedroom that she closes the door of the kitchen. Turning to Kylo with burning eyes. He pretends to not notice, stroking the petals of one of the flowers with a smirk. The bouquet he sent her. Rey had placed it in a vase in the middle of the table proudly because she thought it was from Snap. 

“You always had a thing for flowers, dear,” Kylo chuckles and Rey’s face turns crimson in embarrassment. “Do you like them? I picked them out just for you…” 

How did she not understand the moment she read the card that came with it? 

“What the hell are you doing,” Rey asks, fists trembling in fright and frustration. This thing he’s doing is so painfully unfair. Tears are already producing. “You can’t be here…” 

Kylo sighs, feigning exhaustion. Dragging of a rose petal with a snatch. “Here I was expecting a good-morning kiss. How disappointing.” 

“H-How… You weren’t supposed to…” Rey inhales loudly, trying to calm herself. Kylo is sitting in her kitchen. He’s made pancakes. What the fuck is happening?

“Oh, you mean my sentence?” Kylo chuckles, facing Rey with a devilish smile as he crunches the rose in his palm. He tilts his head playfully. “I had my men dig some shit up about the judge and prosecutor. They sure know how to party in those fancy law schools. Cocaine use, silenced rape charges.” His grin turns wicked. “Then I also had a very interesting therapist… and, of course, two beautiful children who I happened to meet by at their school. Welcoming me back with open arms!" 

Rey shivers painfully, eyes widening in horror. “You’re fucking sick…” 

Sick ? Because I worked hard trying to get back to my family?”

“Because you used my children's trust so that you could get here and destroy everything I’ve built!” 

Kylo raises his hands with a smirk as if proving his innocence. “I’m not here to destroy anything, dear. I’m just here to make things right. As it's supposed to be.” 

“No, you…” Rey swallows, taking a step back when he suddenly stands. Eyes glimmering playfully, ready to attack his prey. Her heart starts beating a hundred miles and she can barely open her mouth. ”Y-you’re just going to leave again…” 

“You want a family, sunshine. The one you never had. That’s why you dated that motherfucker in the first place.” He puts his palm against his chest, giving her a toxic smile. “But I’m here now. The father to your children. The kids I fucked into your womb . And I’m going to stay and give you the family you wanted, whether you like it or not.” 

Rey stares at him with wide eyes and parted lips, feeling her whole body tremble in fright as tears begin to form. This can’t be happening. He’s planning to stay, to live with them. To control her every move, word, and thought until she bends into his doll. The hell will repeat itself and she can’t stop it. She can never stop it.

“Y-you need to leave…” Rey repeats herself in panic, stumbling over her words and hiccuping when Kylo rolls his eyes in annoyance. Tears run down her cheeks. “P-please Kylo, don’t do this to me! Just leave !”  

“Just give me my fucking good-morning kiss.” 

Kylo goes for her and Rey turns to escape with a cry, grabbing the handle. But she only manages to open an inch before a thick arm snakes around her waist and snatches her quivering body towards his chest. She can feel him hard against her behind. 

“I had a very nice morning, Rey,” Kylo says matter of factly into her ear, both watching him close the door to the kitchen again. Rey breathes heavy, lower lip trembling. “Let’s keep it like that, shall we?” 

He turns them around and before she knows it, Rey is bent over the kitchen table. Almost knocking down the flowers in the process and she gasps when Kylo snatches the nightgown over her hips. The crushed rose is splattered all across the floor. 

No, no, her children are in the next room, the door isn’t locked, and she’s so sore from yesterday!

“K-Kylo, don’t!” Rey sobs, reaching for the edge of the table to reach for anything, something. “The- The children-”

“Shh…” Kylo breathes into her neck, carefully replacing her hair to the side to kiss the skin there. The only loving act he’s done since he got here. It makes Rey shiver painfully, pleasure shooting down to her parts. She wants him to keep doing that. “Be quiet and it'll be fine…” 

His wide palm cups her behind, grabbing the flesh, and Rey gasps into the juncture between her bicep and forearm, clenching her knees together. He notices, so he does it again and again until she’s a panting, squirming mess on the table. 

“You’ve already received your punishment,” Kylo says, giving her a slap. Rey yelps and she becomes wet immediately. It’s embarrassing. “So this will only feel good.” 

Rey is flushed from head to toe. Her desperation only shows how touch-starved she is, how Snap’s gentle touch wasn’t enough. She wants long fingers kneading her ass, sometimes slapping it, and dirty whispers against her ear. There is no respect, only a deep desire for her. A confirmation that she is yearned for. 

He drags her panties down quickly and fuck she even helps him by lifting her hips. It rests around her ankles, her toes only grazing the floor, and next she hears his belt clinging. It makes her squirm, the anticipation has the butterflies in her stomach crazed, but there shouldn’t be any butterflies in the first place. Then she feels him against her, pushing into her wetness with one hard thrust and every thought leaves her mind. 

Rey cries with clenched eyes, forehead resting against the table, and Kylo groans into her neck. It stings something terrible. His warm exhales against the skin cause her to shudder, however, and it minimizes the pain. She wants him to kiss her there again but she shouldn’t want that and they should hurry before the kids come and catch them, this is so wrong-

Rey moans loudly when Kylo thrust into her. And he does again and again. Hard, fast, jerking movements that cause the table to shake, her toes to curl, and Kylo to grunt loudly into her ear. 

“Fuck,” Kylo gasps. Grabbing her hips tighter. “ Fuck, you feel so good…” 

“K-Kylo,” she cries, voice interrupting for each thrust. 

The neighbors under the apartment are real assholes. A couple that always complains that the children jump and make loud noises at night when Rey has told them several times that they are already asleep by that time. The couple probably won’t be happy with eating breakfast to the sound of the table dragging against the floor in a familiar rhythm, but she couldn’t care less. Not when Kylo grinds into her so deeply. 

Rey gasps when his hand comes to cup her throat, raising her upper body until she’s standing with her back pressed to his chest. Grasping the edge of the table for dear life. Then Kylo starts thrusting up into her and Rey sees stars flashing behind her eyelids.  Holy shit!

“Isn’t this nice, dear? A quick fuck in the morning?” Kylo sighs into her ear, fingers flexing around her throat. Rey nods, only a moan leaving her lips. Yeah, it is nice. “We could have this. Every fucking day. 

Rey thinks she would want that. But wanting some things doesn’t always equal healthy needs. Dr. Ko Connix told her that. Rey knows this but she’s blinded by those facts the second Kylo touches her with no intention of harm. It’s fucked up but when he’s so horny for her, she feels loved. 

“Fuck Rey,” he groans, thrusting faster. Harder. Each pump turns sloppier. “Not going to last…” 

Good, Rey thinks. Closing her eyes and letting her head rest against his shoulder as he finishes. She moans into his neck as he cums with loud groans, filling her up until it leaks where they are conjoined. He twitches inside of her as he pants, a feeling that causes her stomach to jolt. 

She didn't cum. She would’ve liked to cum, but at least this is over. 

Then Kylo kisses her again. The skin of her moist neck with a heavy breath. A gesture that feels more vulnerable than the fucking did, a gesture that makes Rey reconsider. 

She doesn’t want this to be over. When Kylo blinds her with pleasure, there are no children to worry about. No mental health to consider. No battles to take. Life is simple. Kylo is insane, but he manages to make life simple. Everything blurs and all there is the feeling of being loved-

“Rey,” Kylo pants and Rey hums lightly, digging her nose into his neck. Not expecting his next words. “The next time you show your face in front of the children, you cover the bruises up. Don't let it happen again or I’ll really hurt you.” 

Rey pales, eyes widening. Just as fast as that stupid thought becomes they’ve washed down the drain, leaving her with a reality check that never left. It’s embarrassing how fast she starts to dream. How fast she adapts to her surroundings in order to survive. Like a fucking sand rat. 

Kylo digs his nose into her scalp and smiles. Rey swallows, trying to keep the tears at bay. “We don’t want the children believing I’m hurting you, right?” 

 

 

 

Makaria and Ben stare at the television, both sitting on the carpet instead of the couch. Mommy hates when they do that, but neither does anything about it. There is some boring show on the kids' TV channel about talking insects on adventures that they both hate, but there is nothing to do but wait. They are dressed, full of pancakes, and bored. 

Ben throws a glance at the closed kitchen door, before turning to Ria. “Aren’t they done now?” 

“...Let’s just wait,” Makaria mumbles. 

She was the first one ready, putting on a red dress with embroidered flowers on. It’s one of her favorites and she had wanted to show daddy how pretty it is. But just as she was about to open the kitchen door, she heard mommy scream. Probably at daddy. She even heard mommy cry and grunt yesterday behind the sound of the Batman movie. 

“...They fight a lot,” Ria whispers, her eyes filled with worry. Something doesn’t feel right. “Mommy seems tired...”

Ben lights up as if finding a clue to their worries. “Maybe it’s because mommy is having a baby!”

Makaria raises her eyebrows. That may be possible. They had both heard mommy scream yesterday about something with babies. When they had asked daddy about it at breakfast, he had raised his eyebrows surprised before chuckling. 

“I’m going to put a baby in mommy’s belly,” daddy said, flipping a pancake perfectly. The children had cooed impressed. “She was so happy about it she screamed. Soon, you’ll be a big sister and brother.” 

“We can ask mommy later,” Ria smiles, standing up proudly. “I’m going to be the best sister there is! The baby is going to love me the most!” 

Ben seems offended and stands up as quickly. “No, the baby is going to love me the most!”
“No, me!

The door to the kitchen suddenly opens and both the sibling's stills when mommy comes out. Her hair is messier than before, she has a hand pushing her nightgown between her legs and her face is as red as her eyes. They sparkle like glitter whenever she is crying and both Makaria and Ben feel a pang of sadness inside them. 

They really fight a lot… 

Mommy hurries to the bathroom but stops when she sees the children standing straight in the living room. Afraid to even make a sound. She stares at them with worry. 

“W-what were you fighting about?” 

Whenever mom is angry or sad, there is this unspoken rule. Don’t make her more upset. So they just spill it out. 

“Daddy said that I’m going to be a big sister so I told Ben I'd be the best in the world,” Makaria says hurriedly and Ben nods agreeing. “We didn’t fight!”

Mommy’s eyes widen, turning pale and she simply stares at them with despair across her face. Makaria and Ben panics. Did they do something wrong? 

Before Makaria can apologize, mommy simply turns on her feet and slams the bathroom door behind herself. 

 

 

 

Chapter 5

Notes:

This chapter got soooooo long but I just couldn't cut it in two! It just didn't feel right so enjoy my darlings

 

Thank you so much for reading the last chapter of Reliance and the last chapter of the entire Regrets series. I love you guys so much and I hope to see you in my future works :) <33

 

~Lenkia

 

 

Ps. I changed my mind about how I wanted this chapter to end. Let's just say that the "unhappily ever after" tag is now gone hehe ur welcome

Chapter Text

 

 

 

“Mommy!” Ben cries, tears already bubbling up in his high-pitched voice. Rey starts to sweat but she stays silent and continues hurrying down the walkway with each child in her hand. “I don’t want to go to Uncle Finn’s! Mommy!” 

Rey doesn’t want that either but they are not safe with Kylo at home. It’s not like she’s planning to abandon them  but Rey just needs a few hours so she can think about what to do in this situation. Having her babies near Kylo is having her vulnerabilities out in the open. The second Kylo is displeased with her, he’ll turn to the kids and Rey obliges in panic. He uses them against her. 

“Mommy!” Ben starts to cry now, resisting her pull. Rey and Makaria almost stumble. “Mommy, I don’t want to!”

It’s around lunchtime so there aren't a lot of pedestrians around but Rey still doesn’t want to cry in public. Her baby is close to a breakdown and Rey understands. It’s so unfair; she has given them no reason for staying at Finn's, rarely talked to them since Kylo came back, and they must be so confused. They aren’t stupid. They know that something is wrong and Rey is such a bad mother because she can’t hide her emotions good enough and now she’s starting to cry-

“Ben, uncle Poe is maybe home today,” Makaria says, holding her brother's hand. Ben hiccups, staring at his sister. “We can sit in his police car again!” 

Rey throws a glance at Makaria who smiles at her upset brother. Ben starts to lighten up, rubbing the tears away. The thought seems to calm him. He loves that damn car. 

When did Makaria grow so fast? When did she start to understand those small gestures and underlying actions? It’s dangerous because she may understand the situation more than Rey calculated but it’s also a relief. She is Rey’s ally, making sure that Ben is taken care of. 

“That sounds like fun,” Rey says, going down to the children's level. Cupping Ben’s cheek and kissing Ria’s cheek. “I’ll tell Poe to take you on a drive and Finn to make you some good food!” 

They both like the sound of that. 

They walk the last five minutes through the high-building apartments complexes. It’s a bit chilly, but warm enough for a dress and the trees are slowly turning into boring colors. Finn and Poe’s area is famous for its expensive rent but it’s understandable. They have a high-security garage and modern playgrounds for the local children. Rey dreams of something like that so her children can play without witnessing whatever she witnessed in her neighborhood. 

“Children,” Rey begins once they are in the elevator. Her voice is tight, deadly serious and both siblings straighten their backs. “No one and I mean no one is allowed to talk about your father. Do you hear me?” 

They look confused, a bit disappointed too. They just got a father and they are so excited but now they cannot brag about it too. “…Why?” 

“Just don’t. No talking back about it.” Rey hates to be so strict and mean but she needs to make sure. If Poe finds out about Kylo, Rey doesn’t know what he will do. But if Finn finds out…

Rey knocks on their door once they’re on the 6th floor. She gives her children a look, reminding them to, once again, not talk about their daddy. Finn opens the door in a blue robe and a coffee cup in his hand, two white sheet masks under his eyes. He gives the family a surprised look, then at the calendar hanging in the hall. 

“… Did I forget a date or something?” 

Rey cringes. Fuck, she could’ve at least called on the way here! It’s so unusual for her to show up unexpectedly. But Kylo still has her phone and her mind wasn’t exactly clear the whole ride. Or since Kylo came back into her life. 

“No, actually I-” Rey clears her throat, looking at the children. “...Snap is in the hospital.” 

What?” Finn inhales, eyes wide. “What happened?” 

“He almost got hit by a car. H-He’s fine! Just a scratch,” Rey hurries, playing with her hair nervously. “But he’s still there and I just… Can you just watch the children for a few hours?” 

It feels really bad to lie on Snap’s behalf and the fact that she hasn’t even called him back since the accident doesn’t lessen the guilt. She really hates herself at that moment; playing the caring girlfriend when she’s nothing but a manipulator. Ready to hurry back to the man who ran him over. 

“Of course! Poe is on duty so it would be nice for some company,” Finn nods. “I hope he recovers fast.” 

“M-Me too,” Rey says, clearing her throat. She actually hopes he doesn’t. It’s better if he’s safe and sound in a hospital bed where Kylo can’t reach him. 

Finn tilts his head curiously. “But what’s up with all the make-up? I rarely see you with that amount. And a dress too.” 

Oh… that . How does Rey explain that? She can’t possibly say that she’s been layering foundation on top of her face to hide the bruises across her face and neck. That Kylo only allows her to wear dresses or skirts for easy access. 

Rey shrugs, looking away. “Just… wanted to look pretty.” 

She swallows nervously. How fucking weird isn’t it? Her boyfriend is in the hospital, she hurried here to leave the kids, but she spent an hour on make-up and clothing before. 

“Oh…” Finn mumbles.

She hates lying to her friends and she hasn’t in seven years, so it feels even worse. Whenever she did back then, it had always felt justifiable. The children were in danger,  she  was in danger if she didn’t lie about the situation. But now, does she really have to lie? Can’t she just come clean and tell Finn that Kylo is sitting in a car two blocks away? Hiding there, since Rey didn’t want to risk Finn or Poe seeing him through the window. 

“I better get going,” Rey says, clearing her throat. She goes down to eye-level with her children and they both give her a sad expression. Ben even clutches her leg. “You guys behave while I’m gone. Remember what I told you in the elevator.” 

“...Yes, mommy.” 

It hurts. Heart clenching painfully, lungs turn into raisins, and throat burning in order to hold in the cries. Rey kisses them each on their cheeks, and gives Finn a hard hug, before turning to leave. 

Rey jogs down the walkway, lower lip trembling by the thought that she abandoned her children. They have never been away from her longer than school time. Whenever she finished early she would hurry to pick up the kids and they would always run to hug their mommy. What if they think she’s never coming back? What if Ben is crying now, right now, after mommy? Makaria shouldn’t be the one pacifying him, she’s a child herself. What if she’s crying? 

Two blocks and down a hidden corner later, Rey sees Kylo leaning against his black SUV. A glowing cigarette resting between his lips. He stares down the road but turns to her when she hurries to the opposite side of the car. Quiet tears are already running down her cheeks when she jumps in, crossing her arms and staring down her lap. Waiting for Kylo to finish his smoke. 

When he does, he jumps behind the wheel and gives her an unimpressed look when he hears her sob. As if bored with her already. 

You wanted to leave the children with your friend.” 

“I-” Rey hiccups, wiping her eyes with the sleeve. Ignoring his accusation. “I hate b-being away from them!”

Kylo stays quiet, staring at her with an unreadable expression as she curls up in the seat. Turning away from him. He wouldn’t understand the sacrifices she has to make in order to keep them safe. 

Rey stops crying when she feels a hand snake around her waist, wet eyes blinking in surprise as he drags her towards his chest. The booth-like seats make it easy. Her every hair raises in alarm when he digs his nose into the crook between her shoulder and neck, causing her breath to hitch. 

“Oh Rey,” Kylo sighs, voice filled with arousal and empathy. Rey squeaks when his massive palm comes to cup her inner thigh, caressing the soft skin and making her spread them at the same time. Her face turns crimson. “You’re such a good mother. Such a good mother to our children.” 

They both watch his hands creeping closer and closer under her black dress, knuckles dancing under the fabric. Rey’s heart beat faster. They’re parked secluded, in front of a building, and trees on the right cover the window. But it’s still illegal and knowing that someone can see them makes her body buzz for all the wrong reasons. 

Rey parts her lips, wanting to beg him for mercy but only a pitiful whine leaves her throat. A pinky finger touches her warm center, covered with panties but it’s enough. She melts, the arousal since he fucked her this morning never left. She never came but that doesn’t mean she should succumb to his pleasure. 

“Let me make you feel good, Rey…” Kylo breathes into her neck, making Rey moan loudly. Eyelids flutter. She can feel his heart pounding against her back, as aroused as she is. “Let me reward you for raising my daughter and son so well. You’ve done so well.”  

Rey’s breath turns heavier, eyes burning when his palm makes comforting circles around her abdomen before fingers dive under her panties. Tears are already forming again but for a different reason this time. His praises hit her in all the weak places - saying what she’s been yearning to hear after years of hard work. Everyone in her surroundings reminds her but hearing it from him is different. 

She did good, he said. She’s done well. He’s so-

Rey moans, clenching her eyes and arching her back when he thrusts two fingers into her core. He chuckles into her ear, exhaling loudly when Rey grabs his arm in alarm. “I’m so proud of you, Rey.” 

Thighs tremble around his hand like leaves and her moans fill the car with each thrust. Rey rests her head on his shoulder, staring at the ceiling of the car with hazy eyes while his fingers pump into her in a calm tempo. It feels so good but she still digs her nails into his arm. Resisting each movement with failure. 

“D-Don’t,” she gasps, clenching her eyes when Kylo silences her with harder thrusts, the wet sounds louder. 

“Don’t be like that, dear,” Kylo sighs, staring at his hand moving under the dress. “Close your eyes and cum like the good girl you are.” 

His slim fingers reach inside a spongy part of Rey that has her crying, twisting her hips to escape the violation, but the arm around her waist tightens. It immediately feeds Kylo into continuing and his thrusts become rougher to reach that place. Rey’s breath hitches and she holds onto his arm in panic. 

“N-No,” Rey cries, digging her face into his neck with clenched teeth. Seeking comfort from her violator because she has no one. “Too- too much!” 

Kylo hushes her and when his thumb brushes over her clit Rey’s vision turns white and she cums with a cry. It came unexpectedly and with force, a taste of what she missed this morning against the dinner table. Her body quivers in pleasure as she gasps into the skin of his neck, now wet with the tears left behind. 

“There you go,” Kylo whispers with a husky voice, taking out his moist fingers as Rey catches her breath. “Good girl…”

When he presents his hand for both of them to see, they glisten with her juices, but also with something else. White and sticky; his semen from this morning. Rey’s too exhausted to react, even when Kylo groans and presses his fingers into her mouth. 

“Pushed my cum even deeper inside,” he mumbles as Rey sucks the bitter taste, breathing heavily through her nose and the rock of anxiety grows in her stomach. “I’m turning older, dear. It’s important to make sure it takes with these kinds of activities.” 

Rey remembers Kylo telling her a long time ago that if she cums, it’ll take better, and pain suddenly spreads across her chest. His reason for pleasuring her now wasn’t about the reward but to make sure that she’ll become the mother of his third child. Once again, a decision she has no say in. It causes old feelings to stir and as soon as euphoria spreads inside of her, it leaves behind a feeling of despair. It switches places between those two constantly when she's with him, and Rey is sick of it. 

Rey scrambles to her seat red-faced and Kylo sucks the last from his fingers before starting the car. They remain silent, driving out of the parking space and down the highway towards the inner city as Rey’s panic kicks in. She throws a glance towards him and swallows when she sees his erection strained to his trousers. 

Not enough money, Rey thinks, biting her lips in worry. Work. How will she manage work with an infant? There is no space left for a crib in her lousy apartment. She won’t have time to cook for her children with a baby stuck to her hip. 

Thoughts of raising a baby with Kylo's present never come to her, so it only stresses her more. She’s raised two babies all by herself and she’s sure that it’ll be the case with a third. Even so, she doesn’t want a third baby and with the way Kylo has been cumming inside of her so recklessly it seems like that decision isn’t hers to decide. He’s already taken it for her. 

“W-where are we going?” Rey asks, voice shaky. 

Kylo gives her a look, then back at the road with distant eyes. “Too far away from the apartment so we’ll check into a hotel. Gonna fuck you some hours then we’ll go shopping for a wedding ring. Can’t have you walking around freely.” 

Rey swallows, feeling sweat run down the side of her face. She doesn’t dare to face him when she spouts out: “I- I need to go to a pharmacy first. Nose spray. Makaria needs it.” 

Kylo says nothing and for each second, Rey’s heart beats louder. “...Okay.” 

Rey closes her eyes with a sigh. Thank God. 

Kylo searches in the GPS for the closest pharmacy and bless, it’s only fifteen minutes away. The rest of the drive is silent and Rey’s body is buzzing by the time he parks behind the store. Finally. She’ll hurry and buy some type of emergency pill, swallow it dry in a bathroom and then come back with the fucking nose spray-

Rey tries opening the door of the car but it’s locked. She tries again. Locked. 

“What brand is it dear?” Kylo sings, opening his side of the door with a demonic smile. “Or do you prefer whatever?”

Rey blinks, dumbfounded. “I’ll… I’ll come with you-”

“I’ll ask the pharmacist which brand works the best,” Kylo continues, ignoring Rey completely. He takes a foot outside the SUV. “Or I’ll just buy them all-

Rey grabs his wrist tightly and he throws a glance over his shoulder with a smirk. She admits defeat with a lowered head and a trembling grip. Silence fills the car once again, if not Rey’s shaky inhale, and Kylo sighs before closing the door. 

“You’re starting to anger me, Rey.” His voice is filled with annoyance, the charade over, and Rey flinches when it turns louder. “I’ll think I just fuck you now instead.” 

Then he’s grabbing her upper arm, enough to bruise and Rey cries when he drags her across the seats. Her hands land on his shoulders alarmed, afraid to fall, and her eyes widen when she’s suddenly sitting in his lap. Thighs bend beside his hips and his erection pressed right against her panties. 

“You don’t get to decide what happens here,” Kylo mumbles, palm pressed against her womb, and Rey’s eyes sting immidietly. “The only thing you need to do is be the good girl I know you can be.” 

Rey stares at the backseat with sweat running down her face, suffering a silent panic attack as Kylo’s belt clings. The same disappearing questions fill her mind. 

Money. Work. Space. She had nothing of that. She can’t care for another baby. Not again. Not alone. 

A finger pushes her panties to the side and Rey gasps in surprise at the sudden touch. It takes her back to reality and she looks out the window across the empty parking lot with wide eyes, the highway right beside it.

“N-No, Kylo! I’m sorry! Can’t we just-” Rey tries, pushing against his shoulder as he adjusts himself under her. It’s like fighting an iron wall. “Can’t we just get to a hotel?” 

“Can’t wait,” Kylo mumbles, and his fingers dig into her hips so hard that Rey clenches her teeth, crying in pain until she bends under his will. Unwillingly, she’s pushed right onto him and he presses her down on his cock with one hard motion. 

Rey screams, curling against his chest with a trembling body, and Kylo groans against her scalp. Thankfully she’s wet from the earlier stimulation, otherwise, the physical pain would be terrifying. The mental pain, however, hurts so much more. It feels like a stab through her heart. Not because of her treatment but for the third child that will suffer under Kylo’s lack of presence. 

Rey will, once again, birth a child into misery. Simply because she’s not strong enough to resist this monster. 

Tears run down her cheeks first, then come the sobs. It fills the car, louder than their heavy breathes, and Kylo sighs annoyed. Staring at her quivering body in his lap. 

“Why the fuck are you crying?” 

“You- You will hurt us! Makaria, Ben.” Rey whimpers, placing a hand over her abdomen. “Y-you will hurt the baby. And m-me - just like before!” 

A deadly silence comes after, causing even more panic to stir. It isn’t until Kylo clicks his tongue that Rey dares to look up - glimmering eyes swollen and filled with fear. 

“Sunshine. Everything I’ve ever done is to make sure you turn out right. You were a child when I met you. Disobedient. Rebellious.” Kylo stares at her as if she’s a wet kitten on the sidewalk. A finger comes to graze her cheeks, placing a loose sling behind her ear. Rey’s heart flutters. “But you are a woman now. A grown woman that knows how to please her man. Continue to please me and I’ll be the man you want me to be.” 

“The… The man I want you to be?” Rey repeats, dumbfounded. 

“Exactly,” Kylo smirks, tilting his head. “The man you want me to be.” 

What Rey wants is pretty obvious. In her mind, at least. A father that she can rely on. The kids can rely on. Who’ll play with the children, teach them, and be there for them when they need him the most. Take care of her when she needs to be taken care of with kisses, hugs, and love. 

It’s a ridiculous thing to wish for, especially when she knows it’s unreal. But what’s even more delusional is the thought that Kylo promises her the ability to change. For her. It’s completely unbelievable, yet a part of Rey wants to wish for his words to be true. She wants to test his statement. 

Right before he begins to thrust into her, like a doll for him to fuck, Rey locks herself on top. He can’t move into her and she’s stiff enough for any type of sexual activity. Knees tighten around his thighs in defiance. 

Kylo raises an eyebrow unimpressed and Rey collects every ounce of courage inside her damaged body to stand her ground. She looks into his eyes with a determined look, discreetly swallowing. The hands resting on his shoulder tremble. 

“Then beg me. I want you to beg for me.” 

Kylo stares before chuckling, eyes reflecting annoyance. “I don’t fucking beg .” 

“I know you don’t,” Rey says hard, searching his eyes. “But will you for me?” 

The question hangs between them in the tiny space of the car. Kylo stares right into her, jumping from eye to eye as if deep in thought while Rey starts to regret her request. She got too excited, believing that if Kylo begs for her, the most unlikely thing for him to do, then maybe there is a chance he’d become the most unlikely father. 

A conclusion is made. Kylo looks away, staring out the window with a sigh. The parking lot is still as empty as ever, as empty as Rey’s suspicions. She has no idea what this will lead to. What Kylo will do to her. Maybe she offended him, maybe she wished for the impossible. Maybe he’ll kill her now, for hurting his manly pride. 

“...You know I can take you right now if I wanted to,” he says. 

Rey’s heart starts to beat faster. She nods. Yes, she knows that.  

Kylo sighs again, still looking away before he leans forward. Resting his head against her shoulder. Rey stares into his head, black luscious hair kisses the skin of her face. The air shifts in the car, turning into something of tension. Is he about to…?

“...Let me fuck you. Please.” 

Rey lets out a shaky exhale, eyes wide. Thankful that he cannot see her face or he’d really hurt her. He’s embarrassed and the sight is both confusing and arousing, for some awful reason. Never did she think she’d witness Kylo asking for her so humble and obedient. 

Rey cradles him against her chest, fingers running through waves as if he’s a child. He lets her and she shivers when his breath hits her collarbone. 

“Again…” 

A few silent seconds pass by before Kylo does. “...Please. Let me fuck you.” 

With that, Rey relaxes her thighs. Sinking down on him and up again, the movement a lightful reward. It causes his breath to hitch, nose digging into her cleavage. The sound he makes must be the most arousing thing she’s ever heard and Rey closes her eyes, trying to contain herself and manage her moans. 

“Again...” 

“I want to fuck you. Please.” 

Rey pushes her pelvis deeper, movement turning faster. Hectic. 

“Again.” 

“I want to cum inside you - keep you full. Let me, Rey.”

Rey cries into his ear. Grabbing his hair harder, riding him faster. Kylo grunts and she moans. She’s so turned on and for the first time, Rey thinks she understands Kylo. Of what he always yearns for. Submission - sweet, beautiful submission.

“Don’t stop - Please!”

“Want to make you pregnant, want to make it take, make you full,” Kylo gasps, gripping her hips harder. Nails digging into the skin. “ Fuck- Want everyone to know you’re mine! ” 

Rey throws her head back, arching her back as a loud cry leaves her mouth. Pleasure sparks in every cell and she’s about to come. Sex has never felt this good, never made her feel like this before. 

The car squeaks with their movements and the windows fog up. She cups his face and their eyes meet for the first time since Kylo gave himself to her, and it makes her almost cum seeing his cheeks red. Eyes drowsy in pleasure. Just like Rey blooms in this new territory, he must too. Not just of submission but eager consent on her part. 

“Again,” she pants, refusing their eye contact to break. 

“Please let me cum inside you,” he moans, meeting her thrusts like an animal. “Want- Want to make you a mother!”

“T-then tell me you love me,” Rey demands, not caring that she might push it too far. She’s almost there and she needs to hear it if she’s going to let Kylo fulfill his wish. 

“R-Rey,” Kylo gasps, throwing his head back with clenched eyes. Rey takes the opportunity to kiss his adam's apple, then suck the skin. “I’m about to-” 

“Tell me you love me,” Rey cries against his neck, bouncing faster. Thrust uneven, frantic. A desperate, needy mess. She’s there, she’s almost there! “T-Tell me, Kylo! Please-” 

“I love you,” he exhales, and Rey’s thighs quiver. Movement halting. A smaller orgasm causes all the energy to leave her body and she trembles against his body lifeless.

Oh God, ” she sobs, unable to move, but Kylo takes over. Pushing his pelvis up into her and Rey meets them the best she can. He grabs her by the hair. Forcing their eyes to meet, gasping into each other's mouths as they fall into each other's souls. Kylo thrust into her hard, painful. So good. She whispers his name but it goes silent under his confession. 

I love you, Rey. ” 

Rey comes and she comes with a loud cry. Throwing her head back as waves of pleasure washes over her like an ocean shore. Her whole body buzzes in bliss, her shouts echo in the car as stars burst behind her eyelids. The orgasm is only dragged when Kylo comes right behind her. 

He grunts against her neck loudly, hugging her waist tighter as he pumps her with cum deep inside. The sensation causes shivers down her body and Rey concludes that she loves the feeling of being filled with him. 

The car is filled with silence except for their heavy breathing, both gone in their orgasm. Rey looks down to meet Kylo’s eyes and they are stormy, telling of emotions Rey barely sees but knows of. It causes her stomach to jolt, cunt to clench around his half-hard cock still inside. Kylo lets out a low groan, whispering something unhearable, before pushing her face down to kiss her. 

It’s their first kiss in seven years, Rey realizes. Moaning into his mouth when their tongues meet. If they’d done it earlier, she would’ve remembered because the feeling of their lips pressed together is better than the sex. 

It’s a confirmation that they share the same feelings, that they want each other equally. This coupling wasn’t about punishment or procreating. It had been love, the union of two lovers that shouldn’t have met in the first place. They’re wrong for each other. 

Doesn’t that make it all even more appealing? 

Tongue strokes tongue, teeth nip lower lips, head tilting to deepen the kiss. It’s a desperate one yet filled with love and Rey truly thinks that Kylo saves them as a last resort to win her over. He has, seduced her with the one thing she’s always been weak to; feeling loved. 

It isn’t until Rey can hardly breathe that they lean out; panting into each other's mouths. Both their eyes are hazy and Rey cups his face, brushing a scar on his forehead with a thumb. It was the one she gave him - slamming a glass against his face. 

“I’m never letting you go,” Kylo whispers, fingers tightening against her scalp once again. Rey gasps, meeting his darkening eyes as his breath turns heavier. “You can try to escape. Try to hide. Even try to kill me. But I’ll follow you to the end of the world and I’ll destroy anyone getting in my way. You’re mine. I’ll never let you leave me.”

This man is a monster and Rey had once loved this monster. Once upon a time when she thought she knew what was best for her. What she deserves. But after hours and days of therapy and loving friends and a kind lover, she knew that this is sickening. The complete opposite of what she needs. That knowledge makes everything harder now. 

But the universe isn’t kind to unwanted people like Rey. They throw her into challenges whenever things go right because it seems to be the only outcome for her - this is a third time now. Destruction, pain, and toxic love - it goes on repeat. 

Maybe Rey needs to accept the flow of the universe. Maybe she needs to accept that this man in her life won’t ever leave her alone. 

And Rey is a scavenger. She takes shit thrown her way left and right and makes something out of it in order to survive. That’s how she can adapt to this bad life of hers. This torturous, vile relationship that never was anything but right - she did that into something beautiful. She created love out of Kylo’s psychopathy. A love no one but her could see. 

Kylo won’t leave her. He’ll never leave her and the children ever again. She can make something out of that. How sick and twisted that is, how wrong and dangerous it will be, she can. 

That is the only way she’ll ever be happy; creating a bubble and living the lie that everything is going to be exactly what she makes it into. 

“You’ll never…” Rey swallows, looking into his eyes. “You’ll never leave again?”

“Never.” Kylo grabs her by the neck, forcing their lips closer. “What do you need? What do you want? I’ll give you everything - just say it and it’s yours.” 

Rey knows what she wants. 

 

 

 

By the time Kylo drags the last out of his cigarette, he sees Rey and the children rounding the corner where he hides from the sight of Rey’s friends . The smoke that fills his lungs is relaxing and Kylo sighs pleasantly from the toxin, smiling when his children shout happily at the sight of him. 

The last time someone got excited by his presence was eight years ago. When he had Rey captured at home. His little caged bird, whose eyes glimmered when he walked through the door. Just like his children's eyes. 

“Daddy!” 

Makaria throws herself over him and Ben comes thereafter, their short arms wrapped around one leg each. Kylo throws the last of the cigarette and crouches to kiss them. They smell like strawberries. Like Rey. His precious children - how he loves them so. 

They’re on the highway ten minutes later. The radio is on and Rey looks out the window. Kylo throws a glance at her. Her hair is messy around the face and there are mascara lines across her cheeks. The lipstick is kissed away. 

Her friend probably thought Rey had been grieving for that motherfucker in the hospital when she came to pick up the kids, not knowing it had been Kylo who made her cry in pleasure - fucking her senseless. Fuck, he’s getting hard just thinking of it. The way she’d been bouncing on his cock, whimpering his name as tears ran down her face- 

Ben suddenly cries in pain and Kylo looks at the rearview mirror in the backseat. The siblings play the game where they pinch each other until one gives up. Rey turns in her seat with a sigh. 

“I told you to stop playing that stupid game!” Rey warns, voice filled with annoyance and disappointment. “No hurting each other!” 

“I didn’t even pinch that hard,” Makaria mumbles, looking out the window with a pout. 

“Makaria!” Rey scolds and the sister immediately apologizes. Ben is on the verge of crying, hazel eyes turning wet. “Oh baby, don’t cry! I love you, baby, don’t cry…” 

“Can I have…” Ben sobs, his eyes stuck on an ad beside the highway. “Can I have some ice cream?” 

Rey turns to Kylo almost a bit shyly. Asking for permission with her eyes. He doesn’t say anything, immediately driving to the nearest exit. He saw Dairy Queens nearby. By the time they’ve parked outside, it’s decided that Makaria gets ice cream too since she apologized nicely and that Ben gets to go with mommy to the store. 

It’s better that way. Kylo knows Rey won’t try anything but it’s better that way. She won’t try to escape with only one of her kids. 

Kylo gives Rey his credit card before she hops out of the car and he stares out the window at Ben and Rey walking through the parking lot. He looks at Rey’s body with hungry eyes, licking his lips when her ass sways in the black dress. Totally unaware of how fucking sexy she is. He’ll fuck her tonight once the children sleeps- 

“Daddy, are you hurting mommy?” 

Kylo is still in his seat, staring out the window with widened eyes. A few silent seconds go by before he dares to look up at the rearview mirror and when he does, the blood in his body freezes to ice. 

Kylo is aware that Makaria had inherited his looks completely. From the color of his hair to the ebony of his eyes, it’s all his. But when he sees her through the mirror, he sees himself. An eight-year-old boy who radiates frustration, sadness, but mostly, deadly rage. A rage that has the ability to kill. 

A cold sweat covers his body, face paling by the sight, and something that Kylo hasn’t felt since he was a frightened child; shivers. It runs through his body like electricity. A sign of fear. 

Kylo Ren is… scared. 

“I love mommy very much,” Makaria says. It’s her voice but it’s little Kylo’s lips that move in the mirror. “I don’t want you to hurt her anymore.” 

This cannot be a dream. It can only be a warning. His daughter inherited his looks but she also inherited his extreme emotions. Extreme love, extreme sadness. Extreme hate. Kylo knows what these extreme emotions of his, theirs , can lead to. What it has led to.

“If I was hurting your mother,” Kylo asks, voice tense. Shaky. His fingers tighten around the wheel, knuckles turning white. “...Would you kill me?” 

Makaria, the boy, seems a bit shocked by the question. Even a bit scared. Eight-year-old Kylo would’ve been scared too if he received that question from his father. He didn’t know the whole truth at that age and the concept of death wasn’t formed either. 

Yet his daughter tilts her head, thinking for a long few minutes before nodding carefully. 

“Yes. If I grew strong like daddy, I think I would.” 

Kylo Ren is scared.

He isn’t his father. Kylo is not his father. If he wants to avoid the same fate as his father, he needs to make sure that Makaria, even Ben, never learns the truth. Never sees fingerprints around their mother’s neck, knows of degrading words, or hears whimpers late at night. 

It was the love for his mother that drove him to insanity, after all. 

The car door to his right suddenly opens and Kylo jumps in his seat startled. When he looks at the rearview window again it’s his daughter sitting in the backseat, not himself as a boy. Her eyes lighten up by the sight of her ice cream which Ben gives to her politely and they eat it with delight. Laughing bubbly and pleased.

Kylo blinks as Rey settles in beside him, tightening her seatbelt. Had that been a hallucination or did the conversation take place? Is he going crazy? He can’t remember the last time he thought of-

“...Kylo?” Kylo turns to Rey, who seems to have called a few times. She stares at him with those wide hazel eyes, cheeks pink in embarrassment, and lips in a careful smile. Presenting a milkshake in her hands with an awkward chuckle. “I b-brought us a milkshake. I thought we could share one. I didn’t know which flavor you like so I bought vanilla.”

Kylo stares at Rey next. His wife. His woman. The love of his life. How much he hurts her and how much he mess her up, she comes back to him the moment he confesses his love. Kylo always thought that his mother was stupid for going back to his father, even when he destroyed her. Like a dog, waiting by his feet for a bone to throw. 

In reality, it had been his father who had been stupid enough not to cherish his mother’s adoration. 

Rey mistakes his look for a spiteful glare and regret flashes across her face. Before she gets the wrong idea, Kylo grabs her hand. 

“Feed it to me,” he says, bringing it to his lip to kiss the skin of her wrist. Rey blushes, wide eyes glimmering with devotion before nodding. 

“O-okay.” 

Kylo never thought of favorable flavors but vanilla is now his favorite. The taste spreads across his tongue as Rey places the straw in his mouth, eyes on the road and her. Rey sucks through the same straw next and giggles when Kylo eyes her hungrily, face pink in a blush knowing what he’s implying. 

The sound of her bubbly laughter together with the children's voices in the backseat fills the car. Something inside of Kylo tugs by the feeling of completeness, and his heart flutters for a microsecond. He realizes that it’s the boy who never got to have a loving family that can now sigh in satisfaction. 

 

 

 

By the time the children are deep asleep, Kylo has Rey sitting on the couch. Pushing her against it until she lands with a gasp. He sits by her legs as if kneeling for a Goddess. Bringing a foot to his mouth to kiss shamelessly, his eyes burning with arousal. 

“W-what are you doing,” she asks as his kisses continue up her ankles, her expression horrified. 

“Shh.” Kylo hushes against the skin of her shin, smiling like the Cheshire cat. Fingers hooked around her panties. “You’re a good wife, aren’t you?” 

Rey stares at him dumbfounded for two seconds before nodding hurryingly. Her heart skipped several beats. Kylo looks so handsome between her legs and even more so when he’s complimenting her. 

“Then let me be a good husband and make you cum on my tongue.” 

Rey nods again, cheeks several shades of pink, before resting her head against the couch. Staring up the ceiling with a shaky exhale. Her thighs quiver around his head and she grabs his full hair for comfort.  

“'Husband'…” she whispers under her breath, smiling lazily. "You're my husband." 

“That’s right,” Kylo mumbles, his wide hands grabbing the meat of her thighs to hold her still. “I’m your husband.” 

Rey wished for a family and she finally got the last puzzle to complete the picture. The father, the husband, she and her children can rely on. 

The family she always wanted.

They’re sure as hell not a nuclear one but… No family is perfect. 

 

Right? 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

My other stories…

 

Heartbreak - One-shot. Angsty, romance, cousin-incest, smut ;)

Jewelery - Two-shot(!) Dark, Robbery, smut.

A String Attached To Your Heart - Looong story. Soulmate-AU.

Straight Line - Four-shot. Dark, fucked-up marriage, smut.

The Mad Empress - ABO, Victorian-ish, WIP

Sacrifice - Two-shot. ABO, Omega!Ben and dark Alpha!Rey

Gift - ABO, Dark, reversed kidnapping, smut.

Cherry - ABO, angsty. Short yet heavy chapters. HEA

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