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I'm Not a Bad Boy

Summary:

He didn’t know where he was going. There was nowhere else he could go. Where could he go?

New York!

He was already thirty minutes there and nearly on the highway. It was raining and the roads were a bit slippery, so he was being careful. But the car behind him was not.

Notes:

I struggled with the rating on this, so to be safe, it's teen and up.

Chapter Text

When Froggy woke up from his nap, his brothers were still asleep. He heard his Papa’s song playing downstairs and his Daddies singing along. That meant they were cleaning! Froggy loved cleaning days, because he got to help his Daddies and get everything organized and be a good boy! And the house smelled so clean afterward and they’d always watch a movie together after and cuddle and Froggy loved cleaning days. He climbed out of his bed and left the Nursery, heading downstairs. He found his Daddies in the kitchen.

“Hi, baby. How was your nap?” Daddy greeted, dusting the top of the cabinets.

“Good, Daddy. Fwoggy hewp cwean?”

“Of course, angel. Do you wanna organize the toys in the Playroom? It’s gotten pretty messy,” Daddy suggested, knowing he loved organizing.

Froggy nodded and rushed over to the Playroom. He started with the stuffies, arranging them along the back wall by animal, then color. He put the doll playsets along the wall next to the stuffies, organized by sets also in rainbow order. The accessories were in color-coded tubs in front of them. In the corner near the door, he organized the Legos by color and size in color-coded tubs. He put miscellaneous ones into another tub, Legos like doors, people, ice cream, etc..

He finished all that in just over two hours and moved on to the biggest problem: the blocks. His brothers had been working on a tower for about a week now, so he left those blocks alone and worked on organizing the loose ones that weren’t part of the tower. He arranged them by shape, putting them in different tubs for ease of access. If his brothers needed a triangle block, they’d be in the yellow tub, a square one in the red tub, rectangle ones in the green tub, and so on and so forth. He was sure they’d be so happy with him that they wouldn’t have to sift through blocks to find the right one. He was being careful around his brothers’ tower, making sure not to bump it or take any blocks that were actively in the building.

“NO! Fwoggy, stop!” Mushroom yelled.

Froggy startled and turned. He didn’t understand why Mushroom was mad at him. He was just cleaning up. He was helping. He was being good.

“I’m jus’ cweanin’ up, bubba,” he tried.

Mushroom fumed. “NO! No cwean! We stiww wowkin’ on dat!” he screamed. “Bad Fwoggy! Bad! Bad! BAD!”

Froggy recoiled. He hadn’t even touched their tower. How was he bad? He didn’t think he was bad. He was just trying to help. He wasn’t bad. He wasn’t .

But Mushroom kept screaming at him, eyes teary as he yelled the same word over and over and over. Froggy felt nauseous and he jumped up and ran. He barely even registered grabbing his keys and getting into his car until he was stopped at the intersection outside their neighborhood, wiping at his teary eyes. He didn’t know where he was going. All of his comfort people lived in the house he’d just left. The only other person nearby was Sean, but he was vacationing in Florida with friends for spring break. There was nowhere else he could go. Where could he go?

New York!

He’d go back home. No one would yell at him for cleaning at home. And he could see his parents and his old friends. But New York was over 8 hours away and he hadn’t prepared to leave. But he was already thirty minutes there and nearly on the highway. It was raining and the roads were a bit slippery, so he was being careful. But the car behind him was not.

It slid on the wet pavement, swerving back and forth until it hit his car, making him slide forward into traffic. The sound of crunching metal grated his eardrums and he spun. Around and around and around, making him dizzy and nauseous. His car had barely stopped turning before another one hit his and flipped him. He felt pain splinter through his head and his arms and his legs. The car flipped and turned for what felt like hours before it finally stopped. He wanted out, wanted out, wanted out of the death trap , but he was trapped inside; couldn’t get out, couldn’t get out, couldn’t orient himself. Sirens filled his ears and blood dripped into his eyes.

The last thing he saw were sparks before he lost consciousness.

Chapter 2: Sapnap's Hospital Visit

Summary:

Three and a half?

It was nearly 7 PM. Almost four hours since Karl had left the house and he still wasn’t out of surgery. How was he still in surgery? What were they doing? How bad had the accident been? Why had no one come out to tell him what was going on? Why were his feet hurting so much? Why was he worried about his feet when his best friend was in surgery fighting for his life?

What the hell was going on?

Notes:

I'm sorry.

Chapter Text

Sapnap paced the floor anxiously, checking his phone for any texts from Karl or Chris and Jimmy, who had gone out to look for the other. It had been almost three hours since Karl had left and his car was gone, so there was no telling where he was or would have gone. Sapnap’s anxiety was spiking by the minute. He’d heard yelling and gone in as fast as he could, but Froggy had already left and Mushroom had been sobbing profusely.

 

“Hey, baby, what’s wrong?” Sapnap asked, pulling the Little into a hug.

“F-Fwoggy w-wuined towew. P-putted bwocks ‘way. B-bad Fwoggy,” Mushroom sobbed, tucking his face into Sapnap’s chest.

Sapnap frowned, looking at the tower in question. It looked the same as it had before, just with less mess around it. In fact, everything looked clean and organized just as Sapnap had asked him to. All the toys were in color-coded tubs they had bought to help with the organization and everything was cleaned except the tower and some blocks near it. Froggy must not have gotten to those yet.

“Baby, did you see Froggy take blocks from your tower?” Sapnap asked.

Mushroom shook his head.

“Honey, look at your tower.” The Little did. “It looks the same to me. Does it to you?”

Sheepishly, Mushroom nodded.

“I know you were upset, but you’ve gotta get all the facts before you assume, honey. Remember: take a deep breath and come back calmer. And if that doesn’t work, come get me or Papa,” Sapnap reminded.

“I sowwy, Daddy.”

“You gotta apologize to Froggy, Mushroom. He was helping me and Papa clean up.”

“I wiww, Daddy.”

First, they had to find Froggy. Dream had gone to look for the Little, both Caregivers assuming he had just locked himself in a room somewhere. There were over twenty of them available to him. He had to be somewhere in the house, right?

“Hey.” Dream walked into the room, hands shaking slightly.

“Did you find him?” Sapnap asked, shifting to try to look behind Dream in case Froggy was hiding behind the Caregiver.

Dream shook his head. “His car’s gone, too.”

Sapnap felt his heart drop into his stomach.

 

“Hey. We’ll find him, I promise.” Dream took his hands, bringing the younger out of his thoughts.

Sapnap shook his head. He wanted to scream. Wanted to cry. To rip his hands from Dream’s and tug his hair. To run until he found Karl. To drown himself in his feelings until they suffocated him. To-

“Sap? Hey. Breathe. Nick, breathe, please. I need you to breathe with me, Nick. C’mon. In for four, hold for four, out for four, and hold for four. Again. In for four, hold for four, out for four, and hold for four. One more time, Nick. In for four, hold for four, out for four, and hold for four,” Dream instructed, holding his hands tightly.

Sapnap felt himself calm down slowly as he was talked through his breathing. He hated feeling so anxious and helpless.

“Feel better?”

Sapnap nodded and opened his mouth to say something, maybe apologize, but his phone rang. He didn’t even look to see who was calling before he picked up.

“H-hello?”

“Hi. Is this…Nick Armstrong?” a woman on the other side asked.

Sapnap felt anxiety rise in his chest at the use of his full name. “Yes. What’s this about?”

“Well, you’re listed as the emergency contact for Karl Jacobs.”

Sapnap’s stomach flipped and he felt sick. The only reason someone would call him like this was-

“Karl was in a car accident earlier today. He’s been hurt pretty badly and has been in surgery for the past hour. We would’ve called sooner, but it took a while to get his information sent over. We wanted to let you know about his condition so you can decide your next steps.”

“Will he be okay?”

“At the moment, we’re not sure, but I’d prefer to discuss his condition with you in person.”

“Okay.” Sapnap tried to keep his voice calm, but he was freaking out on the inside. “Which hospital is he at?” he asked. He saw the color drain from Dream’s face and was sure he looked the same, if not worse.

“Northglenn Medical Center on 52nd street. How soon can you get here?”

“Um…” Sapnap mouthed the hospital to Dream and the other plugged it into his phone.

‘An hour,’ Dream mouthed back.

“About an hour, I think.”

“Okay. We’ll keep you updated on his condition through text.”

“Thank you.” Sapnap hung up. He felt his legs buckle and he fell to the floor, pain shooting through his knees, but he didn’t care. Karl was in the hospital again in surgery while Sapnap was just sitting on his hands, not even out looking for him himself.

“Hey. I texted Jimmy and Chris and they’re on their way back to look after the boys. They’re about fifteen minutes out,” Dream told him. “Do you wanna leave now or wait until they get here?”

Sapnap didn’t want to wait. Not only did he need to be by Karl’s side, but he also needed to not be there when Chris and Jimmy got back. He wasn’t sure if he could tell them their best friend was in the hospital because of him. Because he was too slow. Because he didn’t go looking, too.

Dream seemed to notice his dilemma, because he grabbed the other’s hands. “Hey. I’ll stay here and wait for them and you go on ahead to the hospital.”

Sapnap nodded and grabbed his keys from the way too empty bowl by the door. He gulped and tugged on his shoes, shaky fingers struggling with the laces.

“Nick, they’re not going to be mad at you. You did the best you could,” Dream tried, bending down to tie Sapnap’s shoes for him.

Sapnap shook his head. “I should have done more.”

He left, getting into his car and driving to the hospital. The entire time he was on autopilot, the car entirely silent as he drove. He didn’t want to listen to music or talk to anyone, he just wanted to sit in the quiet and think about everything he could have done better. When he finally got to the hospital, his legs were like jelly as he parked the car and walked in.

“Hi, can I help you?” the receptionist asked. Her voice was sickeningly sweet and all too willing to help the guy who got his best friend into an accident.

“I’m here to see Karl Jacobs.”

“Alright. Give me just a second.” She typed something into her computer and then frowned. “It looks like he’s still in surgery, but you can wait out here and the doctor will call you when he’s out.”

Sapnap nodded and sat down in one of the chairs. By his calculations, Karl had been in surgery for over two hours. What had happened to him that he needed this long of a surgery? Sapnap couldn’t stay sitting for long, getting up and pacing around the waiting room. He was thirsty and tired and hungry and there was a vending machine and a coffee machine down the hallway, but he couldn’t bring himself to go get something, because what if the doctor came out and told him Karl was out of surgery? What if Karl needed him? What if Karl was-

Sapnap shook his head to clear that thought. There was no way that was happening. He twisted his hands together as he paced, noticing how the receptionist watched his every movement. He didn’t care, though. He only cared about Karl. Karl, who was in surgery for the past two hours, three minutes, and twenty-two seconds…twenty-three seconds…twenty-four seconds…twenty-five seconds…

“Sapnap. Hey, look at me. What’s going on in your head?”

It was Dream. Dream was there, stopping Sapnap from pacing with hands on his arms and how was Dream there? Wasn’t he at home waiting for Jimmy and Chris to tell them that Karl was in the hospital? Why was he here? How did he get here so fast? Wasn’t he just at home? Wasn’t he telling Karl’s best friends that Sapnap was an incompetent Caregiver and an even worse friend? That Karl had been in surgery for three and a half hours?

Wait.

Three and a half?

It was nearly 7 PM. Almost four hours since Karl had left the house and he still wasn’t out of surgery. How was he still in surgery? What were they doing? How bad had the accident been? Why had no one come out to tell him what was going on? Why were his feet hurting so much? Why was he worried about his feet when his best friend was in surgery fighting for his life?

What the hell was going on?

“Sapnap, slow down. Sap. Nick, calm down. Nick? Are you listening? Nicholas!”

The use of his full name and the hands shaking his shoulders snapped Sapnap out of his thoughts. Dream was right in front of him, hands on his arms and concern printed in his green eyes. Sapnap felt like he was gonna vomit and one hand came up to cup around his mouth. Dream caught on fast, because he dragged Sapnap over to the trashcan in the corner. And not a moment too soon, because anything Sapnap had in his stomach came flooding back up in torrents. He vaguely registered the conversation happening over his head.

“Is your friend okay? Does he need a doctor?”

“He’s having a really bad panic attack. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him have one this bad before.”

“Alright. I’ll get a doctor.”

“No,” Sapnap groaned, though he knows he has no place to talk with his head halfway in a trashcan now filled with his vomit. “I’m fine, I swear.”

“Sapnap, there’s no way you’re fine. Just let the doctors look at you,” Dream pleads, but Sapnap just shakes his head.

“Have to wait for Karl. Can’t leave him alone again.”

“Nick, I’ll be right here for him. You need to get checked out.”

Sapnap made to protest, but he just vomited again and finally relented, letting himself be lifted onto a stretcher and rolled into an observation room. They took his temperature and measured his heart rate, which he already knew was high, he didn’t need a machine incessantly beeping to let him know. They gave him an IV of just saline, because there was almost nothing in his body keeping his energy levels up. They brought him a protein bar and a Powerade and made him eat and drink both just to be safe.

“Hey. The doctors said they’re taking Karl to recovery for a bit and then he’s gonna be in here if you want,” Dream told him, walking in.

Sapnap felt a weight lift off his shoulders. “He’s gonna be okay?”

Dream nodded. “Yeah. He’ll be fine. He’s gonna need time to get back to full health, but he’s fine. He’s gonna be just fine.”

Chapter 3

Notes:

Finally, the end. Sorry, I kept you waiting for so long.

Chapter Text

When they wheeled Karl into the room, Sapnap sat up straighter, trying to see around the doctor to get a glimpse of his friend. Karl’s grey eyes were lidded, soft eyelashes pressed against cheeks, one painted purple, red, and black. His arm and leg were in casts and his torso was wrapped in stark white bandages, a contrast to his tanned skin. Bruises covered everything not plastered in dressings and there were several cuts all over him.

“H-how is he? Is he gonna be okay?” Sapnap asked, leaning over the bed. He heard the heart rate monitor above his head beep a little more rapidly. Even though Dream had said the doctors said Karl would be alright, Sapnap needed to hear it directly from one of their mouths.

“He’s gonna be fine. The surgery just took so long because there was a lot we had to take out of him. Glass, metal, bone shards. But he’ll make a full recovery in six weeks, what with his leg and arm. Other than that, he should be released by the end of the week, tops. He should even be waking up soon, the anesthesia is gonna wear off in a few minutes,” the doctor confirmed.

Sapnap breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed as much as he could against the pillows. The doctor finished typing something up, then turned to him.

“As for you, how do you feel?”

“I’m fine.”

“Nick, you had a panic attack so bad you paced yourself to near exhaustion and then threw up. Please be honest with me, we just want to help.”

“I feel a little nauseous still and kinda dizzy, but Karl matters more.”

“Karl’s unconscious right now and there’s nothing we can do until he wakes up. Right now, I’m worried about you. Wanna tell me what happened?”

It broke him. Knowing there was really nothing he could do for Karl and yet they were still here. In this position because of him.

“I failed him,” Sapnap mumbles, playing with the blanket spread over his legs. “I should’ve been there for him when it happened. Maybe he wouldn’t be here.”

“Look, Nick…”

“Sapnap. No one calls me Nick unless it’s my family or I’m in trouble.”

“Okay. Sapnap, listen. You did all you could. And sure, Karl’s still in this position, but it could be a lot worse. From what I got from your friend outside, Karl has a history of running when bad things happen. There’s nothing you can do to stop him.”

“But if I had known he’d left, maybe I could have gone after him.”

“And get yourself into the same situation as him? It’s good you’re here for him now. He’s gonna need someone here when he wakes up. Someone he trusts.”

Sapnap didn’t think about the possibility of himself getting into the same type of accident as Karl. He’s lucky they found him when they did, though, because it could’ve been so much worse. And at least he had the foresight to send someone to look for Karl. In the moment, he’d felt his place was there comforting Mushroom. He’d done what he thought was right and it wasn’t his fault. He didn’t hit Karl’s car. He didn’t tell Karl to leave or to get on the highway or any of that. What he could do was be here like the doctor said. Do all he could to help Karl feel comfortable and safe and recover as fast as possible.

“Where’s all this anxiety coming from?” the doctor asked, pulling over a chair.

“I mean, you’ve seen his charts, his notes. So you know about his Regression.” The doctor nodded for him to go on. “Well, being his Caregiver makes me responsible for him. For his well being while he’s Little. And being his best friend makes me responsible for his well being any other time. But I’m also a pretty anxious guy in general.”

“Your friend told me about that anxiety. Do you have any coping methods? Anything you do on a daily basis to keep that anxiety at bay?”

“Not really. I don’t have any time to. Between streaming, recording, and being a Caregiver, I don’t really have time for myself.”

“Is Karl your only Little?”

“No, we have two others.”

“Three Littles? That’s a lot for just two Caregivers.”

“Sometimes, but we recently moved in with three off our friends and they’ve been helping us out with them. It’s taken a lot of the stress off of our plates,” Sapnap told the doctor. “But for some reason, I still feel like I have to be there for them.”

“It’s completely natural for a parent to feel like they’re the only ones who can care for their child and the same rules apply for Caregivers and their Littles. But I promise they’ll be okay if you’re not always there. You’ve got four other people to take care of them that I assume you trust given that you moved in with. You can take a break and do something for yourself. I’ll print out a self-care list that you can use and a prescription for a long break from everything.” The doctor typed something into her computer and made a few changes, then left to go grab the sheets she’d printed.

Sapnap fiddled with his fingers as he waited for the doctor to get back. Beside him, he heard a groan, so soft that he almost didn’t hear it at first. But then there was a shuffling of sheets and when he looked over, he saw Karl shifting, then grey eyes creaked open and met his.

“S-Sap…nap?” he mumbled, turning his head. He winced, tears springing to his eyes.

“Hey, it’s okay. Don’t try to move, honey. You’re pretty hurt.”

“Owie, Daddy,” Froggy whimpered.

“I know, angel. Just breathe, okay. Daddy’s right here,” Sapnap soothed.

Froggy looked over at him carefully. “Why Daddy in bed, too? Daddy huwt?”

“Daddy’s fine, lovey. Just got worried about you, baby.”

“Sowwy, Daddy.”

“Don’t be sorry, baby. It’s not your fault.”

“Geowgie mad a me ‘tiww?” Froggy asked, sniffling. “No mean ta huwt towew.”

“Oh, honey, you didn’t hurt the tower and Georgie knows it. He’s not mad at you, sweetheart. He understands, angel.”

“Ah, you’re awake. How’re you feeling, sweetheart?” the doctor asked, walking in. She handed Sapnap a red folder, then went over to Froggy.

The Little sniffled. “Owie.”

“Oh, sweetie. It’s okay. The surgeons made your body better, but it’s gonna be a bit sore for a while, so you’re gonna have to take a lot of naps, drink a lot of juice, and get a lot of cuddles from your stuffies and your Daddies and brothers,” she told him.

“Gets cuddwes an’ appie juice?”

“Yep. I’ll write a prescription for just that, okay.”

“And can go home now?”

“Well, we have to make sure you’re okay, but you can go home by the end of the week.”

Froggy nodded, a little distraught, but it wasn’t the first time he’d heard news like this. He understood that the accident he’d been in would take time to recover from, but he was lucky to be alive.

When Jimmy and Chris came by, Froggy was in the middle of another nap, cuddled up with Icers and the blanket Dream had brought from home.

“Knock knock. How are you guys?” Jimmy asked, opening the door to the room.

Sapnap put down the book Dream had brought him, casually picking at the threads of the blanket a nurse had given him.

“He’s, uh, he’s alright. Just sleeping right now, but he’ll be fine. Gonna heal in a couple months, but he’ll be good to go home by the end of the week” he shared.

“That’s good. How are you?” Chris put the balloons he’d gotten on the table between the two beds.

“I’m really sorry, you guys. I didn’t mean to get him hurt.”

Jimmy sat down in the chair next to the bed. “Hey, it’s okay, Sap. We don’t blame you. We’re just worried about you both. With Karl’s accident and your panic attack, it has not been a great day.”

“I know. I still feel like I messed up. The doctor gave me a sheet of ideas to help with the anxiety and told me to take more breaks.”

“Sounds about right. You know we can help you with that, man. That’s what we’re here for.”

Froggy opened his eyes with a whimper and turned over a bit. “Chwis? Jimmy?”

Chris walked over. “Hey, buddy. How ya feelin’?”

“Owie. Sweepy. Bu’ docow say I be otay wif west an cuddwes.”

“Alright, buddy. Come cuddle.” Chris carefully climbed into bed with Froggy and hugged up to him gently. Froggy smiled, thumb inching into his mouth as he cuddled up to his friend and his stuffie.

-*-*-

By the end of the week, Froggy was released from the hospital and able to go home.

“We’ll miss you, buddy,” the discharge nurse bid as he helped Froggy into the van.

“Bu’ tome back fow physitaw t’ewapy?”

“Of course, Froggy. We’ll see you in about a week, alright?” He ruffled the Little’s hair gently.

“Bye, bye!”

They drove away, making the hour-long trek back to the house. When they got back, Ducky was taking a nap and Gogy was sitting on the couch nervously, Dream by his side, rubbing his back.

“We’re home!” Sapnap called, wheeling Froggy in.

Gogy jumped off the couch, nervously biting his lip. “Fwoggy! I so sowwy! I no mean ta yeww at you an’ makes you sad!”

“Is otay, bubba. F’oggy fowgib you. How youw towew?”

“Is good. How you feew?”

“Wittwe owie, bu’ otay. Wanna cuddwe an’ watch cawtoons.” Froggy carefully lifted himself off the couch and Gogy sat down next to him, cuddling up to him gently.

“Wuv you, Fwoggy.”

“Wub you, Gogy.”