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petty? not at all

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1. Ashtrays “Can I have a memento? Not for me, for my wife. She loves mementos. Every time we go into a fancy restaurant, she steals an ashtray. But, for me, it's embarrassing in my line of work.” - Requiem For A Falling Star


Columbo is absentmindedly smoking his cigar, his eyes trained on nothing particular behind the window, feet slightly perched up on a coffee table. When in his line of sight appears an object.


Very new and shiny object. An ashtray to be precise. Columbo furrows his brow. The ashtray is nudged again in his direction by Mrs. Columbo.


“Thanks. New one?” he asks his wife.


“Not really. I mean someone must have bought it long ago. I just cleaned up a bit, that’s all”


“I see. It's a nice one” he looks at the other ashtrays scattered around the room.


“Alright I picked it up on girl’s night last weekend. But you just said it yourself it looks good” she says frantically while getting up from the couch, taking the ashtrays with herself.


“It does, honey. But don’t you have enough of them? Think of other useful things you would love to see in home”


Mrs. Columbo sends him a beaming smile. He knows that he can’t stop her little habit of picking up stuff and taking them with her. Columbo hopes that after his wife’s next escapade, a nice clock will appear on his night stand.


2. Parking tickets Her car (in 1990) is a 2-door, green 1976 Ford, license plate no 2SBI653 - Columbo Goes To College


Columbo is trying to innocently look through Mrs. Smith’s pantry when the call goes through. He's once again glad for leaving at the office the address he went to. The maid announces “A call from Mrs. Columbo to you, Lieutenant” He hurries to pick it up.


“I’m sorry I didn’t get your coffee and you had to suffer through this morning without it”


“...” Mrs. Columbo begins to ramble thousands of words per second and he listens patiently.


“Oh, you’re not calling about that... Yhm... Yhm” he hums in agreement.


“They let you go because they like me” Columbo laughs softly and scratches his head with sheepishness. ”What are you talking about?... Bless those boys”


“Then don’t park there. I know it’s closer to work... Yes... What about going around the other block? One way road, you say? Oh, just don’t get caught!” he concludes.


“Yes, yes, I’ll bring something for dinner. Have to go now. Bye" he ends the call on a gentle note.


When Columbo hangs up the phone he finds Mrs. Smitch watching him carefully, he dismisses whatever she’s thinking with a wave of his hand. “That was Mrs. Columbo, she was about to get a parking ticket but quickly got away with it, very resourceful woman”


Mrs. Smith doesn’t seem persuaded but she nods nonetheless.


3. Accounting exam "Well sir, it's her night school, final exam in accounting. She was dyin’ to come here, but at the last minute she decided, she better take the exam." - Murder Under Glass


Columbo goes straight for the water, the wine he drunk on the banquet went to his head. He thinks about preparing for tomorrow’s confrontation with Mr. Gerard. And having something to cook on top of that, he has to think it through carefully.


When he’s settled by the table with his second glass of water, Columbo notices small pieces of papers scattered on its surface. He brings them closer to his face and examines. They're full of numbers and long definitions.


Oh, the exam, so this is his wife doing, he brings his hand to his forehead at the sudden realization. Columbo walks deeper into the apartment, wondering if she’s still up.


“You’re home” her voice filled with relief welcomes him.


“Yes, it was a long day but I’m here” he sits down on the edge of the bed still in his formal clothes, easing up his bow tie. “How was the-”


“It went great. I’m convinced I've passed” so much joy shines in her eyes.


“Of course, with all the cheat sheets. Were they necessary?”


“Oh, absolutely. I don’t need to remember all these numbers when I'll be forgin- filling out taxes”


Columbo shakes his head and not too long after that joins his wife in bed. 


4. Supermarket "When she hits a department store, she can forget anything - even the fact that I'm outside waiting" - Suitable For Framing


Columbo is watching the Dog basking in the sun in the backyard. He's thinking if he should try it too when he hears the key in the door lock and a heavy sigh coming from the kitchen. He goes there and finds Mrs. Columbo unpacking groceries.


He looks through the bags and fishes out a can of beans “Oh, you bought the good ones. Even the Dog had a bite last time. How much did you pay for them?”


Mrs. Columbo grabs the bag and searches from top to the bottom looking for the receipt but finds none. She gasps “I think... I think I didn’t pay for this stuff at all”


“How did you do that?”


“Y’know I don’t like these store baskets, they’re already heavy and when you put items in them. Don't even get me started. So, I packed everything into the bag and I guess I just... left”


“You can always go back and pay for it” he gently nudges her.


“No, I couldn’t do that. I'm not showing my face there for a week”


Columbo gives a meaningful look. “A month” she agrees with him.


“I’ll be shopping at Harry’s around the corner. So, back to the old beans”


5. Flowers “Yeah, she loves flowers.” - Playback

Columbo arrives home tired, hungry and with another layer of dust gathered on his shoes. His mood instantly improves upon seeing a lovely bundle of flowers sitting on the living room coffee table. He leans down to inhale their scent, they smell as lovely as they look.


Mrs. Columbo comes into the room and approaches him “Got them for you” she explains with smile present on her face and in her voice.


“Thank you. They’re very beautiful as you’re my dear”


She blushes slightly when Columbo places a small kiss on her lips, wrapping his hand around her waist. Even after all these years she becomes flustered and begins to explain the origins of the bouquet.


“I was walking home, it’s such a sunny day that I went out for a walk around the neighbourhood and then I see these pretty flowers. And I think to myself, you would be so happy to get them. So, I picked them and brought home”


“Picked up from where?”


“Always asking all these questions, you’re” she scoffs at him slightly. “From the park, from where else did you think?”


Columbo begins to laugh wholeheartedly “You did not”


“I absolutely did. And what about it?” Mrs. Columbo appears to not really grasp why her husband is laughing at.


“You know those little signs Keep Of The Grass, they also apply to flowers”


“Oh... Oh!”