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countless static lullabies

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Seventeen year old Dan Howell sat in his bedroom, waiting for AmazingPhil, Phil Lester, his idol,  (and the person who made him realize that he may be anything other than straight) to tweet that his new video had uploaded. He knew that it made him seem like one of those crazed fangirls who sat on the age of their seat waiting for one of Phil’s new videos to upload, and hell, maybe he was, but he didn’t mind. Phil’s videos were the only thing that brought sense into his chaotic shitstorm of a life.

A new tweet appeared on Dan’s otherwise lifeless twitter feed, and with a smile he clicked on the link to Phil’s new YouTube video. “A Static Lullaby –Toxic (Britney Spears cover)” was the name of the video that appeared. Dan was nearly drooling at the idea of Phil doing any kind of cover for anything, but the fact that he was using the cover of a band so cool had Dan on the floor.

“Hey guys!” Phil greeted the camera as usual, “Sorry it’s been so long since I posted my last video, I’ve been super busy with-“ He cut himself off, looking over at the bed behind him, “Can you hear that noise? What is that?” Dan giggled at Phil’s crap acting skills. “It sounds like music playing,” he ranted, buying himself time. “I don’t understand,” he went on. All of Phil’s laughter, however, was cut short when Phil started mouthing the words to the song.

Dan knew Phil was hot, but damn. This was- wow. His crush on Phil was slowly snowballing into something far less innocent then just a simple crush on a celebrity and into something, well, sexual. He could feel himself getting hard just from watching the possible love of his life, (joking, of course, he wasn’t an idiot) sing along to the song. Shirtless.

Dan lost all of his dignity as he came with a YouTube celebrity’s name on his lips. He was fucked.


A couple of months later, and after his eighteenth birthday, it was October and he was sitting in that bedroom that he never thought he would be able to get into. He was sitting on AmazingPhil, Phil Lester, his idol, and his crush’s bed. “It’s so cool that you’re here,” The twenty-two year old ranted with that stupid big smile of his. “Just think, a few months ago, I didn’t even know you existed. You were just another one of my subscribers. And now you’re sitting on my bed. How cool is that?”

And the reality of the situation was that it was very cool. Dan had tried multiple times to wrap his head around the fact that he was in actual AmazingPhil’s actual bedroom, that actual Phil Lester thought he was actually cool. He had tried to imagine what this would be like the whole train ride to Manchester, what he would say to Phil so he didn’t sound like an idiot, all the cool things he could mention. But nothing could have prepared him for the way that Phil ran up to him on the train station, he good he smelled, and that stupid, stupid crocked smile that made Dan’s heart skip a beat.

Dan was quickly snapped out of his thoughts when Phil asked, “Do you wanna play truth or dare?” Dan looked over at Phil as if he had ten heads, because actual AmazingPhil had just asked him to play truth or dare, and cherished the way that Phil laughed in response to the look. “Come on, Howell. Don’t tell me you’re afraid of truth or dare.”

“Of course I’m not!” Dan answered, perhaps a little too quickly. And, okay, maybe he was a little bit afraid of playing truth or dare with Phil, but that was only because he had no idea what Phil was going to ask him. He wasn’t sure he could lie to Phil. In fact, he was pretty sure he would tell Phil anything if the older YouTuber just asked. Hell, he would tell Phil his credit card number if only to see that dumb crocked smile again. “It’s just late,” Dan covered quickly, “I’m not sure how many dares we could do.”

“Let’s play truth or truth then,” Phil said, bouncing on the bed next to Dan. He laid down next to the younger boy as if it was nothing, and for him it probably was. He probably doesn’t even think of you like that, Dan reminded himself.

“Isn’t that just twenty questions?” Dan asked with a slight smile. He had been sarcastic to Phil over twitter direct message and Skype calls before, he didn’t know why now should be any different. Except that he did because Phil was sitting right there, he was right there next to Dan with his stupid smile and his stupid blue eyes and his stupid, amazing personality. (Maybe that’s why they call him AmazingPhil. Dan thought that if he and Phil were ever in a relationship, he would have to remember that one.)

“Cheeky,” Phil remarked with a smirk, his tongue pointing out at the younger boy, “I knew you had it in you. I’ll go first.” He thought for a second or two, leaning against his hands before looking back up at Dan, “You ever kissed someone before?”

“Girls, yeah.” Dan said. Although Phil knew that Dan was bisexual, and was bisexual himself, Dan somehow felt the need to go into defense, not-gay mode.

“Never kissed a guy?” Phil asked, as though he was surprised, as though Dan seemed like the kind of person who would want to kiss a guy. You kind of do, Dan’s brain reminded him, But only one. One in particular. The one who is laying by your side, smiling up at you. That guy.

“Nah.” Dan said with a shrug.

“Why not?” Phil asked as he sat up a little so his back was propped against the headboard of his bed.

“Guess I just never had the opportunity.” Dan answered, shrugging again.

“Do you want to?” Phil asked. Dan’s breath hitched in the back of his throat. Was Phil offering to kiss him? No, he couldn’t have possibly been.

“Maybe,” Dan said, “If I found the right guy.” Dan could have sworn that he saw Phil’s shoulders slump a little in disappointment as the younger boy admitted that, but before Dan had time to look again, Phil looked unfazed, as if nothing had just happened.

Dan’s turn came and went rather uneventfully, [“What’s your favorite Muse song?” “Undisclosed desires.”], and then it was Phil’s turn again. “What’s your favorite video of mine?”

“Your Static Lullaby cover,” Dan answered without a moment’s thought, his cheeks flushing pink as Phil chuckled and asked, “Really? Why?”

“Pass,” Dan answered quickly.

“Oh, come on. No passes. It’s not truth or dare,” Phil said quickly.

Dan blushed an even deeper shade of red, “I just-I-“and then, upon realizing that there was no way he could actually lie to Phil, he sighed loudly. “You promise not to make fun of me?”

“I could never,” Phil answered, so quickly that it almost had to be the truth.

Dan sighed again before softly saying, “I thought it was kind of hot and I got off to it.”

Dan expected a lot of things. He expected Phil to call him a freak, to throw him out of his parent’s house, to block him on Twitter, on YouTube, to stop being the only friend in Dan’s life who understood him. What he didn’t expect, however, is what actually happened.

He didn’t expect Phil’s lips on his, hot and heavy, kissing him in the best way that he had ever been kissed before. If it weren’t so cliché and overused, Dan would say that sparks flew when their lips met. It was the most passionate, intimate thing that he had ever shared with anyone before.

“You got off to my toxic music video?” Phil whispered in Dan’s ear, and Dan wasn’t sure if he should be embarrassed because of Phil’s words or because the older man’s hand was snaking into his skinny jeans and he knew for a fact that he wasn’t going to last. “That’s insanely hot.”

Phil’s hand wrapped around Dan’s cock, stroking him slowly at first, but then he must of sensed the teenager’s desperate state, because he started stroking Dan faster, and though it was just his hand and Dan had got off like this countless times before, it somehow felt different when it was someone else’s hand. It felt different when it was Phil’s hand.

Soon enough, Dan was close. It was embarrassing to be close to orgasm so quickly and he bit his lip in an attempt to starve it off. Phil saw right through this though, kissing Dan roughly, their kiss nothing more than a clash of teeth and tongue. “Are you gonna come?” Phil asked. Dan couldn’t articulate an answer and only nodded in response. “Oh yeah,” Phil answered, speeding up his movements, “Yeah you are. Come on, Dan. Come for me.”

Almost as if his body was waiting from some kind of cue from Phil, he came, the feeling more incredible than any orgasm he had ever had by himself, and he wasn’t sure why, but he was sure that it was something to do with Phil, Phil, Phil.

When he came back to himself, he heard Phil chuckle, pulling Dan down to his chest to nibble at his neck. “Round two?” Though Dan had just come, he could feel himself getting hard again. He nodded his approval to Phil, who chuckled again at Dan’s eagerness. “Good,” Phil said softly, “Because I want to fuck you.”

Call Dan an idiot, but he had fallen in love with a YouTuber. Although this time, he somehow got the feeling that he wasn’t as fucked.