Work Header


Work Text:

Xie lian was a sobbing mess.


He had his cheeks flushed bright red as he tightly hugged Mu Quin's waist and wailed," YOU NEVER...sob....EAT MY .....sob....... HANDMADE .....sob.... SOUP, AND THat ...sob.... is BECAUSE YOU NEVER CONSIDERED ME AS YOUR FRIEnnnnnnnnnd."


Mu Quin was not a patient man. But yet he gently patted his friend's head to quiet him down a bit and also make him stop rubbing his face on his clothes. They were already covered in snot and tears. Feng Xin being the other good friend tried to contact the said weeping friend's husband, to take his very drunk beloved back home.


This was all Pei Ming's fault for suggesting such a stupid game and getting His highness drunk.


Several hours before the incident.


It was a normal day in the heavens. All the meetings and arguments and work had both the martial and civil God busy for days now.


Pie Ming was bored beyond his mind. He has to get out of this living hell. Irony how he technically was in heavens.


He casually glanced at his colleagues, they were all in similar states of distress. All looking like they will descend to the spiritual world any moment. And of course, we had an exception. There sat His highness, the crown prince of Xianle, looking the happiest among them, chatting through the spiritual array with, what might be the most correct assumption, his husband.


Not only was his highness slacking during work, but he also arrived late for the meeting. Though no one dared complains, or say a word against him. They were too scared to say to speak anyway when his highness arrived with a silver butterfly on his shoulder.


Back to the present, Pei Ming was bored out of his mind. He wanted a break and he wanted it so badly that he dragged everybody into it.


A few moments later, with a few string-pulling and practical begging on Ling Wen's feet, Here they were in a small inn of the mortal realm, on their well-deserved break. Most of the martial gods along with Shi Qingxuan (because more the merrier) joined them.


But a normal break wasn't on Pei Ming's agenda. He had seen most of his colleagues make a fool out of themselves when drunk, but he has never seen Xie Lian in such a state.


"Let's play a game," he announced grandly.
Most of them groaned at the idea of wasting their precious break for a game. After all, they have been working their asses off since the morning.


"It will include alcohol," he added. And the number of participants increased rapidly.
"The name of the game is 'never have I ever, it's a new game with rising popularity. Let's give it a try. Let me explain to you all how to play it."


"Let's start with General Nan Yang"
"Hmm, let me think. Ok, so never have I ever rolled my eyes more than twenty times a day."
Pei Ming clearly saw the thin thread of Mu Quin's civility snapping as he lunged at Fen Xin.


"You, you clearly devised it so that I have to drink first, YOU BASTARD."
But before things escalate Xie Lian quickly intervened saying rules are rules. And Mu Quin with another roll of his eyes decided to take a shot.


"Next, Your Highness Tai Hua."
"Never have I ever gambled in the Ghost City before." He said with a smirk, head held high at his achievement. Not at all like the person who, at one point in the time had themselves been the item that people placed bets on.


There was dead silence for a moment. Then almost everybody reached out for their cups and drowned their drink. How did these people have so much free time in their hands?


Fen Xin grimaced when he saw his Highness finish his drink.
His concerns lie within the fact that a Dianxia with a hangover is a Dianxia that also likes to strangle people. (refer to the most haunting part of the novel).


Pei Ming is one step closer to success now.


"Next it's my turn, never have I ever married a ghost king."
If you set your heart on something, why bother being subtle.


Xie Lian with a forced smile, drown another drink.


Now, that makes it two steps closer. But still no clear effect.


"Next, General Xuan Zhen."
This was Mu Quin's chance. Fen Xin had warned him before so he had a basic clue of what could go wrong if Xie Lian got drunk. So he said the deed that he was very sure from the bottom of his core, that Xie Lian would have never committed.


"Never have I ever slept with a woman."
"General, you have to be specific. Is it the implication I think it is?"
"Yes, I am saying never have I ever had sexual intercourse with a woman."
Again there was dead silence. Several hands reached for their cups. And several people drowned their drinks.


Dread pooled Mu Quin's stomach as he saw Xie Lian drown his drink with the others too.
Was he already too drunk to comprehend human language? Did he get addicted to an extent that he would drink at any opportunity?


Snapping himself out of his spiraling thoughts Mu Quin grabbed Xie Lian's hand and demanded.
"That's enough for you, seems like you are already too drunk to listen well. Let's get you home."


Xie Lian's face was flushed. Probably because of the intake of alcohol.
"Bu-but, didn't th-the rules say we had-had to drink if we have don-done the de-de-deed."
He was also shuttering. Probably because of the alcohol-. Wait what?.


"WAIT WHAT?" Fen Xin projected Mu Quin's thoughts at a greater magnitude.(and volume).


Even Pei Ming was thrown off guard and threw Xie Lian a scandalous look. The other officials were murmuring amongst themselves.


Fuck the game. Mu Quin needed answers.
"Xie Lian, as much as I hate and despise Hua Cheng, as a good friend how can I allow you to cheat on the person who, I hate to admit, cares for you the most."


"Yes, your highness I can't support this," Pei Ming added.
"Your Highness, you need to apologize to Crimson rain right now. Knowing him he would probably forgive you and you both can start anew," Fen Xin said.
Even Láng Qiān Qiū and Quán Yīzhēn looked sad and disappointed for some reason.


"Wait guys, I appreciate how much you care for my San Lang. But I think there is a misunderstanding."
"Explain," the others demanded.
"Well, now that I think about it. I don't know if it counts but San-Lang-has-a-female-form," the more he spoke the more his face grew red.


There was dead silence again.
"Ho~ ho~"


"Next, you turn general Qi Ying."
"Never have I ever had my Shīxiōng not run upon seeing me," he murmured like a sad kicked puppy, that had its ears drooping.


No one drank. Everybody took pity.


"Ok before we get all emotional, next is Shi Qingxuan."
"Never have ever once not had the opportunity to sleep on the street and be kicked by a passerby."


Everybody except Xie Lian and Shi Qingxuan took a drink. Feng Xin looked like he wanted to say something, probably scream something but he bit back his words. Mu Quin on the other hand was glad that Xie Lian didn't take a shot.


The game continued to proceed pleasantly. And everybody noticed one strange thing, His Highness the Crown Prince of Xianle was silent, with his head down, rarely taking shots the entire time. Even Pei Ming lost count of how many shots he had. Everybody decided to let him be until...


"Your Highness, it's your turn." Pei Ming announced.
"Your highness, are you awake."
Feng Xin tried to shake him awake but Xie Lian swatted his hand away.


"Say away, u traitor." He stated in a slurry voice. "You, you don't touch me. After all you have done to me, you you, you still show up in front of me. Get-t losssssst."

Feng Xin face contracted in a frown as tears started glistening his eyes. Many of the other officials started backing away from the scene, a few leaned in to hear the latest gossip.


"Your, your highness?" He manages to shutter.


"Say another word and I will choke you to death, Bai Wuxiang."
"Xie- wait what. Bai Wuxiang? Xie Lian, I am Feng Xin."
"Ha," Xie Lian gave a bitter smile, " to think I will fall for the same trick twice, you really seem to consider me as a child."


"But your-"
"SHUT UPPP." Xie lian murmured and for some reason found the word amusing and continued to stretch the 'p' in 'up' with a small pout.


Mu Quin unable to see Feng Xin frail around helplessly any longer, decided to step in. And till this day he regrets his decision.


"A-Niangggggggg," Xie Lian screamed as he held tight to Mu Quin's robes. "Please don't leave me again."


"Let go," Mu Quin screamed back trying to shake his drunken friend off him. "What makes you think I am your mother."


Till now, their commotion had forced the owner to come out and beg them to leave.
Pei Ming was trying to charm his way out while Mu Quin and Feng Xin handled Xie Lian.


"But this A-niang cooks for Lian-Lian, and also this A-Niang stitches Lian-Lian's clothes back when they get torn. Also, one time you feed me chicken soup when I was sick. Isn't this stuff what a caring mother would do to their child?" Xie Lian asked with innocent eyes.


"The Queen never really did these things for you. Also, I am your friend, Mu Quin. The fever was a one time thing because Hua Cheng was out of town and you didn't wanted to boter him. Open your eyes dummy."


"A-Niang's not here," Xie Lian said with disbelief in his eyes.
A sad sob escaped his lips. Then another, then another, and then he straight out started bawling his eyes out.


He stopped abruptly and turned to Mu Quin saying, " and who are you again?"
Mu Quin facepalmed hard, so much so that his forehead stung and turned red.


"I am Mu Quin."
" But you are my friend."
"Yes, but my name is Mu Quin."
"So, you don't want to be friends," tears were already accumulating in his eyes. And...


Xie lian was a sobbing mess.


He had his cheeks flushed bright red as he tightly hugged Mu Quin's waist and wailed," YOU NEVER...sob....EAT MY .....sob....... HANDMADE .....sob.... SOUP, AND THat ...sob.... is BECAUSE YOU NEVER CONSIDERED ME AS YOUR FRIEnnnnnnnnnd."


Mu Quin was not a patient man. But yet he gently patted his friend's head to quiet him down a bit and also make him stop rubbing his face on his clothes. They were already covered in snot and tears. Feng Xin being the other good friend tried to contact the said weeping friend's husband, to take his very drunk beloved back home.


This was all Pei Ming's fault for suggesting such a stupid game and getting His highness drunk.


"I have contacted Hua Cheng, " screamed Feng Xin above Xie Lian's brawling.


For an instance, there was silence then, bam, Mu Quin found that he had a Xie Lian missing from his person and the said Xie Lian was now choking Feng Xin, who was wheezing for air and slowly turning purple.


Feng Xin chocked nonsensically.


Mu Quin rushed forward and pulled him off the choking God. Quickly he patted rouye on Xie Lian's arms who got the message and bonded Feng Xin.


Mind you, Rouye never follows just anybody's orders, Xie Lian, that intimidating red guy and the person who stitched him back are a few exceptions.


"Look, Xie Lian, he is now bonded. How about you relax a bit now." Mu Quin tried.
Xie Lian glanced at the direction and true to Mu Quin's words Feng Xin was bonded.


"How-w does it feel beeeeenn-n binded to the same rope you uss-used to bind me when u stab-stabed me a-" Xie Lian interrupted himself and began counting on his fingers. Then he got frustrated and kicked a pot nearby and continued.
"-more than a hundred times until I turned all mushy mushy."


~dead silence.


"WHAT!!!" shouted Mu Quin, Pei Ming, Feng Xin, and everybody else present. Except for general Qi Ying, he was sleeping with his tummy full and practically dead to the world.


"Yessssss," Xie Lian slurred up voice replied, "do you not know how much time it took me to recover."


Feng Xin's face lit up in some sort of recognition.
"Wait was it the time you-"
"SHUT UP! Who told you to open your mouth, Rouye seal his mouth."
Rouye obeyed like the good cloth snake it was.


"Xie Lian," Mu Quin called out, passing a glass of water. "You need to calm down, then we will talk about it."


Xie Lian, who was holding the cup, stopped dead. His hands began to tremble and the glass of water slipped from his fingers and water and broken fragments of the cup scattered on the ground. The owner added the cost of the cup to their long list bill.


"No," he said as he shrank back.
"Xie Lian-" Mu Quin tried to reach out for him.
"No, stay away-" Xie Lian cut himself off when his back collided to something solid.
From the corner of his eyes he saw everyone gave a sigh of relief.


Cold, familiar hands embraced him from behind.
"Gege doesn't need to do anything but relax."
"But San Lang-"
"Hush." He said as he touched their foreheads together. Xie Lian instantly stopped trembling and leaned into the touch.
"Good, now let's get you home. It seems Gege had a long day today."


"Wait but it was just a break. We need to go back to work again." Feng Xin protested. Others agreed. "Also what about all this damage."


A sharp glare from Hua Cheng and silence enveloped the space.
"Your fault, you got Gege drunk," Hua Cheng said darkly as he lifted Xie Lian up in a princess carry. Xie Lian at some point in time had fallen asleep and was letting out small snores, with a peaceful expression.


"As for who did this," he continued. "Be ready to pay." Hua Cheng left after completing his statement which was more like the announcement of war.


Pei Ming chuckled weakly.


_____Extra scenes____

"Please talk to me," Xie Lian cried, hugging one of the pillars of paradise Manor.
"San Lang, am sorry."


Hua Cheng let out a small chuckle. He had given up trying to tuck Xie Lian in bed hours ago.


After traumatizing the kitchen staff and cooking a huge, inedible meal, Xie Lian decided Hua Cheng was probably mad at him for some reason, so he begged for forgiveness.


To the pillar.


Hua Cheng helplessly watched his beloved as one of his butterflies recorded the entire thing.


"San Lang, are you angry cause I told everyone about the times I took you to bed in your female form. Am sorry, won't do it again."




"Gege, what?"


Ling Wen has waited for more than 6 hours now. No soul in sight. All scrolls littered around.


She quietly took out her 'NEVER TO DO' list and added a thing.


"Never let those officials have a break."



The owner of the shop counted the golden bars in glee. Not only had he received gold from the people who were drinking with the destruction machine, but also later his husband attired to pay for the damage.


Even though he was surrounded by destruction, the money was more than enough to spend his life in piece, have his daughter married away in a grand manner.


Hope the white robed douzang visits with his friends again.