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The Magical Healing Power of Threesomes

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LJ always looked best this way, Fandom thought. When he was satiated and drowsy from their sex, when his arms hung limply at his sides in the post-restraint afterglow, and when his face wore the look of a someone who knew how incredibly lucky he was to have a lover who would fuck him so thoroughly.

It was that look, a combination of smug and grateful, that always brought Fandom back to LJ.

Well, that and the great sex. Man was talented, when he was using that mouth for something besides pissing her off.

"Happy?" LJ murmured lazily.

"Yes." Fandom was pleasantly sore in just the right spots, the ones that LJ knew well through their decade's worth of sometimes clumsy, sometimes drunken, sometimes boring, sometimes exhilarating, but always well-meaning sex.

"Can't be with someone for so long without hitting all their right spots," LJ said triumphantly, slipping a hand leisurely across her right hip.

"If you didn't know how to get me off by now..." Fandom snorted. "We would have some problems."

"Some people think we do," LJ said softly, and Fandom supposed she should have some sympathy for the pain in his voice.

But dammit, this wasn't even the first time they'd had this fight. And considerate lovers didn't rehash old arguments to use against a person for pillow talk.

So Fandom was appropriately considerate in kind; after she got dressed, she slammed the door to their apartment quite loudly.

She took the handcuffs with her, of course.


"I don't understand," Meta said, tugging thoughtfully on her brown curls as Porn served the tea at their weekly luncheon the following day. The pristine, hand-painted china was an interesting contrast to the bright blue and purple shades that Porn was dying her hair these days.

"Understanding Fandom's love life is always a challenge," Porn agreed, sitting herself down into the over-sized bean bag she preferred.

Meta gave Porn a reproachful look. Meta, of course, preferred the much more "mature" love seat, which she stretched out on as she qualified her question. "I thought the three of you had come to an arrangement, Fandom."

"We had!" Fandom stretched out onto the couch as she spread the cheese on her cracker. Meta was giving her a reproachful look, too, but that was because Meta knew better than to sit on Porn's couch. There were plenty of parties taking place on that couch.

But it wasn't as though Fandom hadn't gone a few rounds with Porn before, and most of Porn's sexual partners, too. Whatever lingering secretions Fandom might be lying on had probably made their way down Fandom's throat at one point or the other.

"So...LJ decided that he didn't like the arrangement?" Porn questioned.

"Oh, it's not just LJ," Fandom muttered, sighing bitterly. "But let's talk about something else, instead of how my lovers are driving me to homicidal rampages."

They spent the rest of their lunch ignoring Fandom's migraine and instead discussing Meta's graduate classes' syllabi and Porn's upcoming art gallery exhibit.


Dreamwidth was younger than her beloved LJ. In many ways it showed. The college apartment was more sparsely decorated than Fandom would have liked (but thankfully didn't include any of that reprehensible Ads nonsense that LJ called art.) The boy also needed to be carefully guided through many of their acts together.

Porn had been so delighted to hear that Fandom had found a young, corruptible virgin.

Well, Dreamwidth wasn't a virgin anymore, and Fandom grinned happily down at his back as she thrust into him, making decidedly not-virginal sounds erupt from his mouth.

"Good boy," Fandom purred, digging her nails in his shoulder blades. "Like that, do you?"

Dreamwidth's hands curled around the edges of his red and white blankets, stretching them tightly between his hands, as he whimpered his reply. "Yes, Mistress. Please don't stop."

Dreamwidth really did beg so prettily, and so frequently too. So much readily than her dearly beloved LJ did. And really, she couldn't deny such an earnest request.

Afterwards, she watched his freckled chest rise and fall as she waited for her own breath to slow. "You were lovely," she murmured as she dropped kisses along his cheekbones, because they needed compliments when they were new.

"Thank you. You were lovely, too," Dreamwidth answered, reaching up to brush the hair out of her face. So thoughtful, he was. "I bet LJ never lets you do any pegging."

"Oh, honey, you were doing so well, too," she sighed as she stood up.

"I was just pointing out the way he doesn't treat you right," Dreamwidth defended himself. "You can't be angry at me for that."

"Stupid competitions," Fandom muttered to herself. "And for the record, LJ lets me engage in pegging him whenever I damn well please."


"Really?" Porn considered at their next lunch date. "I wouldn't have thought LJ was that kinky."

Fandom waved her Cheez-Whiz dismissively at her friend. "He and Kink used to date in college. They were hot and heavy, and the three of us had some really good times together."

"Really? What happened?" Porn asked curiously.

"Messy break-up," Fandom answered. "LJ was kind of a dick about it, in the way that he can be sometimes. Kicked Kink out, had the locks changed, burned all of their toys. It wasn't a good time."

"Hmm. I don't know, I got a kick out of it. As I recall, you, Consent and I spent many a lazy afternoon between classes arguing about the righteousness of who deserved to be pissed off more," Meta argued. "Are you going to hog all the Cheez-Whiz, Fandom?"

"Maybe I will," Fandom huffed.

"You know, I really don't get why the three of you don't just have sex together," Porn argued. "Threesomes beat regular old one-on-one sex any day."

Meta sighed and reached for the sour cream dip. "Look, Porn, some of us like one-on-one sex. What works for you, Hatesex and Wank doesn't work for everyone."

Porn swirled her wine and rolled her eyes. "There is no more me and Wank. Wank got kicked to the curb. Hatesex and me replaced him with Magical Healing Cock. The sex is much better."

"I've had dealings with Magical Healing Cock." Meta's pretty little eyebrows furrowed together. "It did not end well."

"And you think my sex life is hard to keep track of," Fandom muttered. "Maybe I should kick both LJ and Dreamwidth out and just go hang out with Wank. He and I always manage to have good times together."

"Really, Fannie. You should respect yourself more than that," Meta sighed.

"Or respect us more!" Porn interjected. "We don't love you that much, Fandom. Not to listen to those screaming matches again."

Fandom threw the bottle of Cheez-Whiz at her.


Fandom didn't quite know what to make of the fact that LJ and Dreamwidth were waiting together on her couch when she arrived home from work. They sat on opposite sides of the sofa, with a half-drunken bottle of rum on the table between them.

Fandom surveyed them both and mentally considered the probability that she was going to have to down the remainder of the bottle before the night was over before she spoke. "LJ. Dreamwidth. You're together. This is new."

"Meta and Porn came to visit me at the Firm today," LJ mumbled.

"Stopped by the library, too," Dreamwidth said quietly.

Really, when they glared at each other so petulantly, Fandom didn't get why they couldn't see how similar they were. She took a deep, steady breath, mentally chastised her nosy friends for interfering, and asked, "What did they have to say?"

Dreamwidth looked up at her from the couch, full of remorse and sorrow. "They said we were hurting you."

"Giving you migraines," LJ added.

"Migraines do hurt," Dreamwidth grumbled under his breath.

"Didn't say they didn't," LJ retorted. "Are you even old enough to have had a migraine?"

"Oh, LJ. You and your precious preoccupation with age." Who knew Dreamwidth's voice could drip with such condescension?

Fandom picked up the bottle and took a nice, long drink. "You both drive me to the brink of running away to IJ's shack in Wyoming and never coming back," she answered. "So, yes. Whatever my friends said to you today, you should believe them. Meta and Porn don't lie."

"So, we felt bad. And wanted to make it up to you," Dreamwidth announced. "So we went shopping."


LJ reached down and picked up a plastic bag from his side of the sofa and placed it onto the table where the rum had been. "We decided to call a truce, for your sake."

"This is your idea of a truce? You two need to work better on that," Fandom sighed, then took another swig from the bottle.

"There's this lovely little ... Toy Store," Dreamwidth informed her. "About a block from the college. It's called Crosspost."

"I've heard of it," Fandom said warily. "Comments and I were window shopping there, just last week." She hadn't brought it up to LJ or Dreamwidth, because she hadn't figured it would be their cup of tea. Or bottle of rum, as was more appropriate.

"We went there together. We bought and laid out some ground rules," LJ answered. "A contract, if you prefer."

"A contract for what?" Maybe it was the rum, but this conversation was making her head hurt.

LJ and Dreamwidth looked at each other with not entirely small degrees of contempt. "A contract for a threesome. Between the three of us," LJ finally answered.

Fandom raised her eyebrow, took another swig of the rum, and looked into the bag curiously.

"I am very committed to diversity," Dreamwidth pointed out eagerly. "In all things. Including sex."

"What the hell does diversity have to do with fucking?" LJ demanded.

Fandom brought the cool bottle to rest against her forehead. Sometimes LJ embarrassed her. But she loved him anyway. Of course, she also loved Dreamwidth, which was why this arrangement was something she really wanted.

"Are you too sure about this?" Fandom asked.

"Didn't ever want to hurt you, Fannie," LJ said softly. "I know I do, but ... let me make it up to you."

"I'm sure, too," Dreamwidth replied. "Anything you want, just name it."

"Hmm. Well...I want to be sure that you two can stand each other first. I think a little show and tell blow job is the appropriate way to start the proceedings." Fandom slipped her heels off eagerly, while Dreamwidth got down on his knees in front of LJ.

LJ ran his fingers through Dreamwidth's bright red hair and fingered the collar of the boy's pink shirt. "Hold up, kid. If we're going to do this, we're going to do this right. Drop your pants and switch me spots."

"But -"

"Dreamwidth, I've forgotten more about blow jobs than you've had time to learn," LJ retorted. "Now sit back and get ready for the best cock sucking you've ever had."

Dreamwidth shrugged and stood up, unzipping his jeans as he went.

Fandom set the bottle down and slipped her hand between her legs. This might be the worst idea ever, or it might be the best sex she'd had in a long while.

Either way, she was going to enjoy this truce, for however long it lasted.


"It's great that the three of you are getting along so well. No, no. Don't worry about missing lunch tomorrow. I'm sure you, Dreamwidth and LJ can think of better things to do with your time. Things that don't involve Cheez-Whiz...oh, really? That sounds interesting...right. I'll tell her. You're welcome! Enjoy the supplies." Porn beamed happily her current partners as she hung up the phone. "And to think, you two both worried that this wouldn't work out well."

"We were wrong and now you're going to gloat?" AO3 supposed.

"She always gloats," Meta huffed between AO3's breasts. AO3 giggled at the breath on her skin and twisted her head to repeat the gesture on Porn.

Porn waited until the shudder of pleasure from AO3's actions was finished coursing through her body. "Not going to gloat," she promised. "At least, not until LJ, Dreamwidth, and Fandom have joined the three of us in the best orgy ever."

"That's been your end goal the whole time, hasn't it?" Meta asked sharply.

"Oh, Meta, dear, of course it has. Who doesn't love a good orgy?" Porn asked innocently.

"It does hold delightful possibilities," AO3 agreed, dropping kisses along Meta's collarbone.

Meta snuggled in closer to her lovers and gave a conciliatory nod. "We're going to need a bigger bed."