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Moleman's Epic Rap Battles

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The Arbiter:
Long ago, the Prophets taught my kin to proudly serve as flunkies.
Then, everything changed when they rejected us and turned to monkeys,
And when needed most, up from my lowest place, I rose anew
To reassume the leading reins and realize change most overdue!
I orbital-drop bombs harder than double-Es suffixing a surname;
Stick it to you like a plasma toss, utterly eclipsing of your flames:
Think the Black Sun! What you face this day's born from far bloodier roots;
Well-equipped for soundly silencing assholes and running through brutes!
I wage total war with ultra-zealotry; you'll find your rap-attacking
Blow up in your face spontaneously like your wack assassin!
You may fancy your ground's standing as the noblest of missions,
But lone wolves just don't survive when I control the opposition.
This big daddy brings elite heat; yours can't hope to hold a candle
When your little sister's too much of a shock for you to handle!
Stepping up here was your wrongest turn since destiny's crossroads;
I spit mythically, like some all-skulls-on legendary god-mode!

Hello: Zuko here, but I guess I don't need to be introduced.
Forget your title; leave the settlement to me in this dispute!
You soldiered through the Flood; fought back the parasite in swarms,
But now, you've traded villains up, and can't contain the firestorm!
It's your most suicidal mission yet if you're about to start with this:
You'll find no Gravemind saving; I'll knock you straight down to Tartarus!
It's plain why you are bitter: you've a very backwards species;
Genocide-campaigned for some deluded, geriatric E.T.s!
If you seek an Ark, then look no further! It's objective fact:
My journey spanned a trilogy; yours started in the second act,
But stepping back, I'm sure we'd have a lot to learn from your redemption, too,
If any game set prior to your turn so much as mentioned you!
You've known no Rarer foe; your tactics aren't gonna take here.
Ultra instinct counters your attacks with C-C-COMBO BREAKERS!
To this wolf, you aren't some mighty menace; try a little lamb.
Keep throwing everything you've got at me, yet I don't give, 'Vadam!

The Arbiter:
I was conducting fleets across millions of miles through space
While you were wandering the seas, dwelling on a wild goose chase!
You're a Locke for lamest hero-hunter I have ever seen; it's laughable:
You're mashing words together as haphazardly as animals!
Diss-charging lightning lyrics, there's no way you'll be deflecting this.
I'll zap a Zuzu's presence from this plane; call me The Exorcist!
I've vanquished forms of enemy that dwarf some poor man's anime
Who drones on over what his honor's worth like swarms of Yanme'e!
Your verses ring as hollow as the virtues of the Hierarchs;
My very hide alone's too dense to hurt through summoned flying sparks!
343 Guilty Spark: Have I been called to service?
Arbiter: Oracle, tell us his purpose.
343 Guilty Spark: His line-index activates no strong response; I dub him worthless!
Arbiter: Strike with blue on red, and get your spirit utterly slaughtered!
Put this to rest, unlike the question of who mothered your daughter,
Or per the will of your grandfathers, both paternal and great,
I'll soon fulfill an unkept promise; seal your permanent fate!

You underestimate his power, says the highest-grounded pupil;
You phased dual wielding out, while he brought mine up to quadruple!
Leave the huffing to the Unggoy, and in doubt, take their advice, jerk.

…And that was just the mere tip of the boy in the iceberg!
Buddy, I thought lunar love-loss rough, then heard you read your verses;
What I spit meanwhile's smoother than your work on Reach's surface!
I'll diss-serve this worthless Dervish as deserved when I let go with words
Assembled into devastating couplets like Lekgolo worms!
I dance with dragons, sans the ice: my song is strictly fire,
Its true meaning manifest; the plane I'm on's distinctly higher!
Of the past, I can't be ridden, but I bear my scar with honor,
While you let your mark stay hidden underneath the hardest armor.
There's no silver sliver for an ugly mofo who's about to
Bite a killer of a flaming knuckle sandwich to the Yaut-jaw, (Ouch!)
And maybe after, once I'm through with your mouth,
You'll say it to the old Shipmaster: that makes two of you now!

The Arbiter:
When the debacle in the North left your career path set southbound,
You cut your losses plus your top knot, and you found a better look,
But now, you're in a mire deeper than the spirits dragged Zhao down,
For your whole battle-effort's lost, boy, and you're bound to get the Hook!
Supreme-commanding flows to slay songs with particular justice,
I sling mud refined as Beifong's when I viciously bust it!
I've had better beef with rivals in the form of skeletons,
'Cause Arby's bars have got the meats; I'd call this foe more welly-done!
Methinks you're insufficiently rehearsed; your rhymes are for the frogs.
They might as well have pitted me versus the lightest Huragok,
But full of hot air though you are, my threshold's one you'll never reach!
Float back on up in your balloon; go catch some sun on Ember beach.
You've not a Jake Long shot at triumph, and you ought to hide away;
I was moonlighting as Goliath, but I'll rock you night or day!
You can't compare to me lyrically, militarily, or with construction toys,
So march off home to uncle, little soldier boy.

I took one look at father's Phoenix wrongs, and shouted "OBJECTION!"
Now, for both of you, reclaiming shit is out of the question,
As you've known since Wheatley over there announced the intentions
Of the deadly rings you thought would bring about an ascension!
I don't need Ty Lee's assistance to maintain the pressure stunningly;
To push your every button ain't a game when messing up your chi!
Iroh: Though rapping's not my cup of tea, I'm truly proud of you:
Your effort's fueled with well-taught wisdom; his is fueled by Mountain Dew.
Zuko: You emote with the living vigor of a vehicle's namesake;
Insufficiently to trigger Koh the Stealer to face-take!
No Nuo mask and no Mjolnir, but I'm a demon micro-blazing;
Redirecting blasts with skill of likes unseen since Cairo Station!
You're unfit to go to war with me; best bring back Ripa 'Moramee.
Forget a comet's power; I make impacts meteorically!
I dig at your authority, prepared to stand and fight;
To take the throne is by seniority and morally my right!

The Arbiter:
While the Forerunners' sacred mantle is a wholly other story,
Mine took back a tainted title and restored its former glory!
I saw my kin's liberation and redemption through the schism;
The galactic Martin Luther, sans the antisemitism.
False truth knows no reconciliation with my plasma bident.
Watch my crew's craft crash a Kraken, cracking it like Clash of Titans!
Think a hundred-year war's settlement will honestly impress me?
Up above your tier level, I broke bonds kept three millennia!
To Agni Kai against this Kaidon, you ain't got the power-score;
The only bending I feel's in my knees, but not to bow before
A loser lord whose passion play is hurtling to tragedy:
You'll get your butt whooped to degrees unheard of in your family!
You lack in combat-evolution skill, and not to mention:
Your live casting; "what in Sang Heil?" says the million-dollar question,
And I'd rather be directed by some San'Shyuum than Shyamalan!
Now, Netflix is a venture fans don't even want to gamble on.

Your whole franchise fell out of grace when Bungie snapped the cord;
They should've given their I.P. the fail-safe C.E. had for swords,
'Cause with what 343's been guilty of, it's barely functioning!
Iroh: Indeed, and let's just say that Destiny's a very funny thing.
Zuko: You're gonna go up in a bigger mushroom cloud than High Charity;
Even Sokka calls it, clear as day: you just died lyrically!
Your flow has all the consistency of the Kig-Yar's design,
And I require no long shots to point-blank kick your behind,
So you can keep your carbine! It's not some Ba Sing Se conspiracy:
There's no war raging here; more a curb stomp, in plain sincerity!
I'm like a Jiralhanae Chieftain: slamming chumps with gravity!
Just call me Zukortana: my comeback is running rampantly,
And speaking candidly, the way this battle ends is your defeat!
I'm driving this track's last leg; stay with handling the turret seat!
The win is like my mother, 'cause I'm bringing it home;
Of finishing this fight, the honor goes to Zuko alone!