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Part 2 of The story of "Ben Solo: The Way Home"
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Published:
2022-02-18
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2022-06-24
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The General and the Lieutenant

Summary:

THE GENERAL AND THE LIEUTENANT is the story of the spark that lit the fire between Poe Dameron and Kaydel Ko Connix in "Ben Solo: The Way Home"...

Poe Dameron and Kaydel Ko Connix have been through a lot since the early Resistance days on D'Qar. After a mission to Jakku, a flame ignites that has been building quietly between the general and the lieutenant, and they begin to explore the evolution of a romance. But sometimes, life gets in the way. Sometimes, what you want might not always be what you get . . .

This is a spin-off story from my Reylo fanfic BEN SOLO: THE WAY HOME. While it does have mentions of Ben and Rey and other Resistance characters, the primary focus is Poe and Connix. (Just managing Reylo expectations!)

Chapter 1: Introduction

Chapter Text

 


 

Poe Dameron and Kaydel Ko Connix have been through a lot since the early Resistance days on D'Qar. Then one day, during a mission to Jakku, a flame ignites: one that has been sparking between the general and the lieutenant for some time. But sometimes, life gets in the way... Sometimes, what you want might not always be what you get...

This story picks up straight after BEN SOLO: THE WAY HOME (also on Wattpad) and tells the tale of Poe and Kaydel from the very beginning. Going back in time pre-TFA, it travels through all three movies, as well as behind the scenes of BEN SOLO: THE WAY HOME. It explores new beginnings, the bonds of friendship, the fear of loss, the preciousness of intimacy and, ultimately, that feeling of falling in love...

This story is a spin-off of BEN SOLO: THE WAY HOME. Therefore, I would recommend reading that first if you haven't already done so! Just visit my profile for the full story.

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What you can expect:

🌟 How Kaydel joined the Resistance
🌟 What happened after Poe went MIA in "The Force Awakens"
🌟 The importance of Leia to both Poe *and* Kaydel
🌟 How and why Kaydel joined Poe's mutiny
🌟 Explorations behind the scenes of the sequel movies
🌟 Insight into Poe's relationship with his father, Kes Dameron
🌟 Lots of beautiful fan art and accompanying images/GIFs!

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**CONTAINS SCENES OF A SEXUAL NATURE and all such chapters are clearly marked**

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Characters, names, places, historical events are the property of Disney/LucasFilm and are used here in a fan-created story in honour of the inspiration Star Wars gives to us all.

Bespoke cover art © Kaylerinarts. The amazing Kaylerin also produced the cover art for "Ben Solo: The Way Home" - please check out her accounts on Instagram, Twitter and Tumblr! Art is not to be copied, replicated or edited in any way, but may be shared exactly as designed with tags for the artist (@Kaylerinarts) and author (@jessicafisherwriter).

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Thank you for reading!

 

Chapter 2: Chapter One

Notes:

The song that accompanies this chapter is STORMS (2015 Remaster) by Fleetwood Mac. Search "The General and the Lieutenant" on Spotify for the playlist!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

NOW (36 ABY)

The Old Senate House, Hanna City, Chandrila

Kaydel watched Poe walk out on to the terrace and then grow completely still. After a few stunned words, he embraced his father – and Force only knew how long it had been since he’d done that. She had only a vague idea of the span of time that had passed between them, and with her hands shoved tight in her pockets, she leaned against the open doorway.

The morning sun was rising over Hanna City, burning a pale yellow path across the Silver Sea in the distance, and Kaydel found herself thinking about new beginnings. Poe and his dad were together again. She smiled on instinct, even as she felt tears rise inside her for what felt like the hundredth time that week. She wondered if she’d ever be fully cried out, because it looked like it wouldn’t be any time soon.

Kes Dameron turned to her then, and asked her name. She responded with her rank and surname, but he shook his head in a very Poe-like way, as if to say that just wasn’t going to fly. He asked her again, and this time she gave him her first name.

“Kaydel, will you join us?” he said in response, gesturing to the table and chairs on the terrace.

Her gaze flickered across to Poe. He was watching her wordlessly. His jaw was tight, his eyes looking sad beneath his darkened brow.

She thought about what he’d said to her in the elevator not even two minutes ago. This job shouldn’t mean that we don’t get to fall in love...

Kaydel knew she loved him. She’d already told him, at a specifically chosen time when he wouldn’t hear her. But...

Suddenly everything felt like too much. There was too much air, too much emotion, too many feelings… Too much in her heart and surrounding her thoughts. She realized she was floundering beneath the weight of it all, not knowing what to do. The truth she was trying to ignore? Well, it was that all she wanted was to be in his arms and never leave them.

But she just didn’t know what was right any more. It felt like she was being pulled in different directions by her head and her heart, duty and her dreams, instinct and rationality.

Kaydel looked at Poe’s father and politely declined his invitation. After a brief second’s pause, in which he appeared to track her eyes moving towards his son, Kes nodded kindly.

She turned away, though she desperately wanted to look at Poe one more time. She wanted to check on his equilibrium, to see if it was more balanced than hers. She had some idea – though not a full one – of what Kes’s visit might mean for him, and what a shock his father’s appearance would be. But her tears were rising again, threatening to spill this time – and she couldn’t even pinpoint what they were for any more. There were too many reasons to cry these days.

Kaydel went back inside and headed straight for the elevator. Her breaths were turning into gasps, almost as though she was running out of air. For the second time this week, she thought, I feel like I can’t breathe. But at least this time she wasn’t bleeding out in the arms of the man she loved.

When the elevator doors opened she darted through the gap. Hitting the digi-pad, she let her face fall into one hand, the other going automatically to her ribs, where her freshly healing scar was still smarting beneath its dressing. She couldn’t stop the tears. Not any more. Her ragged sobs seemed to rise from the very depths as she cried for Poe, for herself, for the both of them. For the fact that his father was back in his life and yet she couldn’t even remember the last thing she’d said to her own parents...

And all of a sudden, more than anything in the world, she wanted to hear her mother’s voice.

When the elevator doors opened on to the suite floor, Kaydel hurried to her room as fast as her aching body would allow. Then she pulled her personal comms device from her desk drawer and sat down on her bed.

She didn’t even know if the holo would patch through properly. The commlink her parents had owned when she’d left Dulathia several years ago had been old tech even then. It was barely able to receive sound and graphics simultaneously, the connection had a habit of dropping out at random times, and it had the most terrible sound quality. It couldn’t even record holo-messages in the case of unanswered comms.

Kaydel programmed in their home code, and the blips began to sound as the holo sought to make contact. They ran uninterrupted for a minute or so, during which time she pulled the bottom of her shirt up to dry the tears from her face. She patted her cheeks with her fingers and checked her double buns were still in place.

She cut the holo and ran the connection one more time. As she listened to its droning rhythm, she suddenly realized she didn’t know what to say. Hi Mom, how are you? I’m not dead but I nearly was? Kaydel was just trying to think of how best to tell them about the assassination attempt and her ensuing hospitalization when the blips cut out. They were replaced with a wall of static, then there was a sound of background fuzz and a distant, tinny-sounding voice.

Bradden? How do I talk on this thing?

Kaydel smiled and cried at the same time. Despite the fact that she’d sat down with her mother several times before leaving for the Resistance, trying to show her how to use the commlink on her own, it had never sunk in. Milla Ko Connix was never going to be tech-savvy.

Bradden, hurry up! It started beeping so I pressed the button but I can’t see anything. What do I do?

Kaydel’s father’s voice, a little more distant but moving closer: “Hold your bantha, I’m coming… Which button did you press? That one?

Yes, the big blue one. Kaydel Ko said to always press that one first. The beeping has stopped but I can’t see or hear anything.”

Kaydel, at other end of the comm, could hear lots of rustling and clicking noises. “Hello?” she said softly. “Mom, Dad – can you hear me?”

Apparently, they couldn’t.

Pass me the instructions,” she heard her father say.

What instructions?

That list of instructions KK left! Tell me you didn’t lose them, Milla…

Of course I didn’t, I stuck them to the wall right there—

And then covered them with a bunch of your bulletin clippings about the Resistance.

Kaydel laughed to herself. She could have gone and made herself some caf in the time this was taking.

Force-damn all this clutter!” Bradden Connix muttered. “OK, look – it says you should press the big blue button to answer the comm.”

I did that already. So why is nothing happening?

“You need to press it again,” Kaydel whispered to herself.

Nothing’s happening because you only pressed it once,” her dad said. “Look, it says ‘press again to bring up display and open audio’.

Oh, now I remember,” her mother said.

There was a loud click, and all of a sudden the fuzzy outline of the top of Milla Ko Connix’s head appeared.

“Mom?” Kaydel said, her voice breaking on the emotion.

Kaydel Ko!” her dad yelled, so loud it sent a teeth-clenching whine right through the speaker. “Is that you?

“Yes, it’s me!” she laughed, dashing a hand across her eyes. “Tell Mom to sit back from the unit.”

Milla, sit back, she says you should sit back,” he instructed.

I heard her! My little Sunpetal, is it really you?

After a few more seconds of her parents jostling around in front of their commlink unit, Kaydel finally had a clear-ish image of the two of them squeezed together on the bench in their old Dulathian kitchen, faces slack-mouthed and staring. “Can you see me?” she asked.

No,” Bradden replied. “Just a bunch of blue fuzzy squares.”

“There’s a dial on the back left-hand side,” Kaydel explained. “Twist it away from you very slowly and I should come into focus.”

A few seconds of silence. Then her mother’s voice: “She said do it slowly!

Will you shush? I am.”

Oh, there you are!” her mother said, palms going to her cheeks in happiness. “I see you! Bradden, look – there she is!

And straight away Kaydel’s face was wet with tears again.

Come on, sweetheart, don’t cry,” her father said soothingly. “I know you’ve been gone a few years but we don’t look that old, do we?

Kaydel laughed, so many different emotions spinning around her like a whirlwind. “I’ve missed you both so much… And I’m sorry I haven’t commed you for such a long time, but—”

Don’t you apologize,” her mother said. “You’re doing such important work and we are so very proud of you! Just the thought of our little Sunpetal, with the Resistance and winning that battle out there against the Sith… Goodness, it makes my heart just fill up.” Milla Ko pressed her hand to her chest.

With what?” Bradden joked, raising an eyebrow at his wife.

Milla Ko waved a hand, her smile radiating even across the holographic. “Oh, you know what I mean!

Were you there, KK?” her father asked, sitting forward. “Did you have to fight, or were you at base? Can you tell us anything? Is it classified?

Kaydel nodded. “Yes, I was there. We all had to fight, we had no choice. It was scary and a much closer call than we would’ve liked, but we had the Jedi on our side and— well, I’m sure you know the rest.”

We saw it, you won!” her mother said. “We heard the news when we passed by the cantina on our way to the market – they were showing little pieces of it on the HoloNet News. Recordings from starfighter cockpits and things like that, it was just unbelievable. How many ships showed up to fight? It looked like millions.”

Kaydel nodded. “It felt like it. Looked like it too. We have great leaders, and the people came when they were asked,” she said, her voice growing quiet.

Well, anyone would answer a call to General Leia, wouldn’t they? Such an honour,” Milla Ko said, her eyes growing wide.

Kaydel took a sorrowful breath, looking down for a few seconds. “The call didn’t come from Leia, Mom. She… she passed into the Force before the battle had even begun. I thought everyone knew.”

Her mother’s shoulders sank visibly. “We knew she had passed. That terrible piece of news came out a day or two later, I think. So very sad. But I just wondered if she’d been there for the last curtain call, you know? Leading the charge, the Rebel Princess to the very end…” Milla Ko trailed off.

Kaydel tried to smile. “She was with us, I know she was. And I’m sorry, Mom. I know how much you loved her.”

Bradden put his arm around his wife’s shoulders. He knew how important Leia had been to Milla Ko, who as a teenager had watched Princess Leia Organa defeat the Empire. As she grew older she had followed Leia’s every move: turning the galaxy around, entering the Senate, and then facing the public humiliation of the truth about her ancestry head-on with grace and strength before forming the Resistance.

As for Kaydel, she couldn’t remember a time when the image of the princess hadn’t been visible in their home. On posters, little scrap pictures torn from bulletins, political flyers, embroidered patches... Leia Organa had been Milla Ko Connix’s guiding light throughout her teenage years and beyond. She had represented everything Milla Ko had wanted to be and aspired to achieve. Not a single opportunity had been wasted, therefore, when it came to teaching a young Kaydel Ko about the woman who’d saved the galaxy.

There will never be another leader like her,” Milla Ko said softly.

“No,” her daughter agreed, her hand moving instinctively to one of her buns. “There won’t.”

So, uh… who leads the Resistance now?” Bradden asked quietly. “We saw a news report a day or so ago from Chandrila that looked a little dramatic. A man who looked like Han Solo getting arrested?

“That was Han and Leia’s son, Ben Solo.”

Her mother and father both made “ooh” expressions, and Kaydel suddenly realized that the existence of an Organa-Solo child, who was now a man, was probably going to be news to a great swathe of the galaxy.

“It’s a long story,” was all she said for now.

And the young Solo kid leads the Resistance, does he? Following in his parents’ footsteps?” Bradden asked.

Kaydel shook her head. “No. The leaders are General Finn and… and General Dameron.”

Finn, yeah, I know him!” her father said, oblivious to the look of surprise dawning over Milla Ko’s face. “The young guy who was a stormtrooper? Some folks down at the market were talking about him yesterday, saying how brave he is and what an inspiration he is for the post-First Order generation. I mean, how brave have you gotta be to desert the stormtrooper life, huh? Guess those bucketheads aren’t all bad.”

“No, Dad, lots of them aren’t bad at all,” Kaydel agreed. “He’s—”

Wait, hold on a minute,” her mother interrupted. “Did you say the other General is a Dameron?”

Kaydel bit her bottom lip for a few seconds, then let it slip out slowly from between her teeth. “Yeah.”

Dameron as in Sergeant Kes Dameron? And Shara Bey Dameron?” Milla Ko sat forward eagerly, her face almost filling the entire holo-display.

Who’s Kes Dam—?” Bradden began, but he was interrupted.

Ssssh!” Milla Ko waved a hand in front of her husband’s face. “He was the Pathfinder Sergeant and she was the Rebel Pilot! Remember? He built the base on Hoth and she flew for the—

Don’t bother explaining, I won’t remember.” Bradden shrugged. “You talk about so many of the old Rebellion names, they start overlapping each other after a while.”

Milla Ko rolled her eyes and turned back to the holo. “So your new General is a Dameron, how exciting! Who is it?

“His name is Poe,” Kaydel said quietly. “He’s the son of Kes and Shara. Leia made him Acting General before she passed, and he promoted Finn beside him.”

Her mother’s hands went to her face again. “Oh my, an old Rebel Alliance family at the forefront again! You must tell us all about this Poe, what’s he—?

Bradden’s hand settled on his wife’s forearm, gently staying her enthusiasm. He indicated their daughter with a little nod of his head, and Milla Ko went quiet, her excitement fading away inside the static.

KK?” Bradden said softly. “What is it, sweetheart?

Kaydel looked down at the bedsheets, her fingers picking at the fabric as her parents stared at her silently from the holo. She felt her already weakened resolve crumbling, and her hand moved swiftly to her face.

Sunpetal?” her mother murmured – and somehow the use of Kaydel's childhood nickname made it hurt all the more.

“Mom, I…” Kaydel took a breath, her chest aching. “I really messed up. I think I might’ve made a huge mistake and I don’t know what to do about it.”

What is it, sweetheart?” Bradden said. “I’m sure it’s not that bad.

What can we do? How we can help?” Milla Ko added.

Kaydel swallowed. “It’s Poe.”

The Dameron fella…?” Bradden whispered in a quiet aside to his wife. She eyed him sharply and he pressed his lips together.

What about him, sweetheart?” her mother said soothingly.

Kaydel took a breath and then said it all in a rush. “Mom, I’m in love with him. And I think he might love me too – or at least he likes me a lot. He even saved my life the other day, but I told him we can’t be together because we have to focus on the mission. You see, I was so distracted by what was going on between us that I missed a key piece of information and now—”

Her parents exchanged high-voltage glances with one another, but said nothing. They just waited for their daughter to continue.

“Mom, I’ve broken my own heart. And maybe his too. I just don’t know what to do.”

Well, let’s have a little think about this…” Milla Ko said quietly after a moment or two. “Did you say you couldn’t get together or that you couldn’t stay together?

Kaydel sniffed, feeling confused as she wiped her cheeks. “What do you mean?”

I think your mother means, are you – or were you – a couple,” her father said gently. “Or is this something you were, uh… just thinking about pursuing?

Kaydel looked down, her fingers going automatically to the scar beneath her shirt collar. Then she shook her head. “I wasn’t just thinking about it. We have been together. But so much has happened since then and I said we had to stop.”

Her parents looked at each other. Bradden shrugged a little, clearly unsure what to say.

Sunpetal, you said you’re in love with him?” Milla Ko prodded gently.

Kaydel nodded. Her words came as a whisper. “I am.”

Does he know that?

She shook her head sadly. “No. I haven’t told him.”

Well, do you think things might be different if you did?” her mother asked.

Kaydel thought for a minute. She replayed what had happened in the elevator on their way down to see Kes. Poe had said that being in the Resistance shouldn’t mean that they didn’t get to fall in love – and when that small voice of insecurity inside her had tried to refute that being a possibility, he’d said she couldn’t tell him how he felt.

Was that his way of trying to tell her that he did love her…? Was he just waiting to see if she felt the same first? She blinked. What if he thought she didn’t love him at all – that, to her, this had only ever been a fling, and nothing even close to love? She almost groaned at the very idea of him thinking that…

Sweetheart?” Bradden Connix said, after the silence had gone on a little too long. “Look, I’ve got errands to run. I’m going to leave you with your mother for now, but I have loved seeing you. I am so proud of you, KK. Please stay in touch with us, won’t you? When you can?

Kaydel nodded as her father leaned closer to the holoprojector and blew her a kiss. She did the same, and then he stood and moved out of view.

Milla Ko held up a finger as if to say “just one moment”. She watched her husband leave – Kaydel heard the door clunk shut – and then she turned back to the holo.

Maybe it’s better that we talk about this woman to woman – that’s if you want to?” Milla Ko said, reaching for the holoprojector and carefully moving it a little closer to herself. “You don’t have to, of course, but I’m always here to listen – I hope you know that. And I’ll do whatever I can to help you.

“Thank you, Mom,” Kaydel murmured.

So, how about you tell me how this all started? Maybe if you travel back through your history with Poe, it will help you work out how you really feel about him, and what you really want. Sometimes looking back through our history can reveal something we didn’t realize we already knew.

Kaydel sniffed and nodded.

OK?” her mother said, with an encouraging smile that Kaydel returned. “All right, then,” she confirmed. “So why don’t you start right at the very beginning. Tell me how you met him…” 

 

 

Thank you for reading! I would love to receive your KUDOS if you enjoyed this chapter 🙏🏼

Read on for Chapter Two, and subscribe to get updates on new instalments. I publish every Friday!

 

 

Notes:

Image of Gillian Anderson (Milla Ko Connix) from Twitter

Image of William Zabka (Bradden Connix) from https://rollingstone.uol.com.br/entretenimento/karate-kid-william-zabka-de-cobra-kai-usou-filme-de-bruce-lee-para-conseguir-papel/

Chapter 3: Chapter Two

Notes:

The song that accompanies this chapter is DOG DAYS ARE OVER by Florence + The Machine. Search "The General and the Lieutenant" on Spotify for the playlist!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

THEN (32 ABY, before the events of "The Force Awakens")

Resistance Base Headquarters, D'Qar

Kaydel slowly opened her eyes as the rattling transporter ship touched down on to a hardcore landing zone. Rubbing the exhaustion from her face with her fingers, she peered out of the tiny porthole beside her and saw lush greenness against military cargo and ships.

Her quarters had been cramped all the way from Hosnian Prime, which had been the fourth and final leg of her journey. More than a week had gone by since she'd left her homeworld of Dulathia with a single duffel bag in one hand, a ticket off-planet in the other, and enough credits to pay for all the subsequent shuttle fares needed for her to eventually reach D'Qar.

When Kaydel had reached Hosnian Prime she'd followed her mother's instructions to seek out Gadde Neshurrion, a senator from Ubardia who was known to be quietly sympathetic to the Resistance cause. Milla Ko Connix had told her daughter that if anyone knew how to get to the Resistance base, it would be Neshurrion. She had read enough about the Rebel Alliance both in its original form, and now as the Resistance, to know who was on Leia's side and who was not. 

After visiting the cantinas and markets surrounding the senatorial complex, Kaydel had eavesdropped on enough conversations to work out where Neshurrion would be, and when. She eventually found him leaving the senate building following a judiciary hearing. After checking his appearance against the scrappy image of him her mother had torn from one of her daily broadsheet bulletins, Kaydel had approached the senator. Complimenting him on the speech he'd given – which she'd watched on a widened holo-screen at one of the nearby cantinas – she shook his hand, revealing the starbird symbol stitched into the inside of her shirt cuff. It was the secret nod towards their mutual allegiance and, as expected, it helped her on her way.

Neshurrion was as good as Milla Ko Connix's word, and he had swiftly arranged for Kaydel to receive passage on a supply transporter that was leaving Hosnian Prime's Republic City in just a matter of hours, under cover of night. The captain, a surly fellow named Exxond, was gruff and silent from the very start, but he seemed happy enough to take Kaydel along for the ride – as long as she stayed away from the bridge.

And so it was that she made it to D'Qar, with only shrapnel pieces of credits remaining at the bottom of her bag.

Kaydel stood up awkwardly, her joints cracking. Her neck felt kinked and she'd almost lost circulation in her legs from sitting tucked in amongst the cargo. The hold was crammed full of boxes and trunks, with no space for her to lie down to sleep, or to stretch her legs. It had been the least comfortable stage of Kaydel's journey, but finally, she was here. 

Captain Exxond opened the shuttle's cargo door. Kaydel picked up her duffel, inched her way past the supply crates and walked down the ramp after him into the humidity of D'Qar. The air was ripe with the scent of forest greenery and fuel-pod fumes, and there were people – not to mention spacecraft and starfighters – all over the place.

Tightening her grip on her bag, Kaydel looked around. For a split second, she felt incredibly lost. She was just shy of twenty years old, and so far from home... Just a couple of weeks ago she'd graduated from her academic studies back on Dulathia and now here she was, with a single bag of belongings to her name, and all alone.

No, she thought. I'm not aloneBecause I'm here.

She calmed her thoughts, quietly reciting to herself Leia Organa's letter to the Senate. It was a message that exhuded brutal honesty from beginning to end, in which the Resistance General had asked the senators to send help in the fight against the rising First Order. Kaydel, knowing the entire missive off by heart, let Leia's words circulate her mind.

War is coming, whether we like it or not, it said. Should that day arrive, what will you do?

"This," Kaydel murmured to herself, feeling her resolve take back its hold. "This is what I'll do."

"Watch your feet there, missy," the captain said.

Kaydel stepped back just in time, as a small team of droids began rolling the first of the supply crates down the ramp and on to the hardcore. "Sorry," she muttered. "Can I help with anything?"

Captain Exxond squinted, his singular and completely blue eye sharpening on her. "Unloading the ship?" He snickered. "That's a droid job. Ain't you here for something a little more important than that?"

"I'll do whatever they need me to do – cargo, comms, fuelling, cleaning the ships... Anything."

"They?" Exxond repeated.

"General Organa," she said hesitantly.

"Huh. She know you're coming?" The captain pulled a small tool from his top pocket and used it to pick his pointed teeth.

"No, she doesn't. Well, not as far as I know. I just thought if I could get here first then..."

"Then?" Exxond prodded once more, as though making fun of her while simultaneously being oddly soft and fatherly.

"I, um..." Kaydel shrugged and looked around. The sense of feeling lost was starting to loom again.

"Keep those nerves in line, missy. I'll find someone to help."

Captain Exxond walked a little way away from the transporter and looked around. A reasonably tall Ithorian in Resistance uniform was already approaching with a datapad in hand, presumably to check off the supply manifest.

Kaydel brushed her hair back from her face, tucking it behind her ears to try and neaten herself up. She actually couldn't remember the last time she'd stepped beneath a turbo-shower...

"Exxond, what do you have for us today?" the Ithorian intoned through their translator as they drew closer.

"Don't ask me. Senator said somethin' 'bout essentials and to get them here as fast as possible. Details aren't my thing when it's credits-in-hand work, but I'm guessin' you got some techno-materiel, documentation, tinned goods? Maybe a box or two of munitions. You know Neshurrion, always coverin' all bases."

The Ithorian chuckled.

"Brought ya somethin' else too." Captain Exxond pointed at Kaydel. "This young lady bought passage on my ship. Wants to volunteer for your cause."

The Ithorian cast a fast and assessing glance over Kaydel, who walked over with her hand outstretched.

"I'm Kaydel Ko Connix. I'm here to serve under General Organa in whatever capacity she needs."

"Pleased to meet you, Ms Connix." The Ithorian's long fingers wrapped around her hand in formal greeting. "I'm Vesk Watts. Does the General know you're coming?"

"Pretty sure not," Exxond answered for her. "But this one seems eager to do what's needed. You know I'm not one to give credit, even when it's due, but she's had one helluva journey to get here and hasn't complained once. Made of sturdy stuff, I'd say. Ain't that just the type your princess is lookin' for?"

Kaydel smiled her thanks at Captain Exxond, who responded by winking his vivid blue eye.

"She doesn't like being called Princess, Exxond," Vesk said, as though this was a tiresome issue that had been hashed over several times.

"And if she ever catches a break from all that hard work of savin' the galaxy and graces my transporter with her presence, I'll make sure I don't say it," Exxond replied, with a mocking bow. Then he turned back to the ship and began yelling at the droids to move things more carefully.

"So, what should I do, Officer Watts?" Kaydel asked.

"You will need to be vetted and processed, that's the first thing. Don't worry," Vesk added, in response to Kaydel's look of surprise. "Vetting doesn't mean we consider turning you down – Force knows we need all the help we can get. It's more of a practical procedure, to give us an idea of where your strengths lie."

Vesk looked around, his distinctive bowed head swooping gracefully through the warm air. "Let me find someone to take you in before I sort out this cargo."

"I'm happy to wait if that's easier," Kaydel offered, but Vesk didn't reply.

"Ah, Vober!" he called through his translator, as a Tarsunt male in a dark khaki jumpsuit loped past. "Can you take this young lady to HQ? New recruit."

Vober Dand shook his head, his shaggy auburn hair wafting in the breeze. "I cannot. Refuelling logistics have glitched, and I must reset the system. Bollie might be able to help you," he added, pointing at an Urodel male who was working at a technical console a short distance away.

Both Kaydel and Vesk turned to look at the Urodel, whose large amphibian eyes lifted from his console screen before settling on the pair of them from behind a pair of holo-specs.         

"Officer Prindel?" Vesk asked. "Can you take this new recruit?"

But Prindel shook his head. "I'm in the middle of this shield upgrade sequencing. I cannot possibly step away or I will have to start from the beginning."

"Really, it's fine, Officer Watts," Kaydel said, feeling awkward now. "Let me help you with this cargo first. Then perhaps you can take me in after that?"

"No, no – the sooner you get in there the better. I know the General was just finishing up a meeting so you may actually get to see her directly if someone can— Ah! Here we are..."

Vesk's mouth rose in a smile, his eyes creasing with the movement. He pointed just beyond the nose of Exxond's transporter and then raised his hand to hail someone Kaydel couldn't see.

"Vesk, c'mon, buddy... Don't tell me you need another favour." A man's voice. "Bee-Bee-Ate still doesn't trust you after that last jag you made us pull."

"I don't refer to any missions as 'jags', as well you know," Vesk responded. "And luckily for you and the droid, this favour is not for me. We have a new recruit, and as it appears you are headed into HQ, I would like you to take her in for processing."

A small and spherical astromech – coloured orange and white, unlike any droid Kaydel had ever seen – rolled into view, beeping energetically. It was quickly followed by a still-helmeted pilot in a flightsuit of even brighter orange. His Frei-Tek life-support unit was detached for ground mode, the hose swinging down by his side as he walked.

Kaydel's breath went still. Here was a real Resistance pilot in that recognizable blazing uniform, with the starbird emblem proudly displayed not only on his white flight vest, but on his black-and-red helmet too.

A thrill rippled through her, and in that moment all her nerves wisped away into nothing. The sight of this starfighter pilot was the thing that finally convinced Kaydel she was here. Really here. This man wasn't just a one-dimensional media image like the one on the flyer she had in her bag. He was real. This was the Resistance – and she was about to join them.

The pilot pulled off his flight helmet as he came closer, and Kaydel's breathing kicked back into life with a gasp. She'd seen this man before...

He was the one from the recruitment flyer.

"Yeah, I'll take her. I need to speak to Leia anyway," the pilot said to Vesk Watts, pushing one hand through his dark curly hair as he grinned. 

"How fortuitous," the Ithorian replied.

The pilot unbuttoned the neck of his flightsuit as both his gaze and his smile moved across to Kaydel. "Hi, I'm P—"

"You're Poe Dameron," Kaydel blurted out, completely speaking over him.

He blinked in surprise, his smile lilting to one side. "Do I know you?"

"No, you don't. But I know you from the flyer."

His dark brows settled into a slightly less positive expression. "What flyer?"

"May the Force be merciful," Vesk Watts muttered, turning to take care of the cargo shipment. "Ms Connix, do not mention that flyer. It was supposed to be a joke, never meant to go out across the galaxy," he whispered to Kaydel as he left.

Kaydel looked at Poe, taking the Ithorian's cue immediately. "Uh, nothing," she said. "What I mean is, I know you from your flying. My mom told me all about your mom, and what a talented pilot she was. She, uh... had heard you flew starfighters too. So it's from that. I know you from that."

"Oh... Well, thank your mom for me," he said, his expression softening. Then he pulled his shoulders back a little. "What's your name?"

"It's Kaydel Ko Connix."

"Good to meet you, Connix," Poe said, holding his hand out.

She took it. His palm was warm, his grip controlled and sure, just as she'd expect it to be with all the continuous fast movements he must have to do in that X-wing cockpit.

"Good to meet you too, Colonel Dameron," she said.

He laughed as she let go of his hand. "Actually, it's Commander. But if you want to call me Colonel, then between us—" he leaned a little closer, "—I'll take it."

She looked at the ground, embarrassment creeping into her veins. "I'm so sorry, I must have my rank badges confused."

He glanced at the insignia on his flightsuit and tapped it with a finger. "Yeah, these bars mean I'm a commander. But don't worry, you'll get the hang of all that soon enough."

Kaydel fell into step beside him as they headed towards the grass-covered bunker building. It was well hidden by a curve of hillside, rendering it almost completely invisible from space.

"So, you need to see Leia?" Poe said.

"I think so, but she's not expecting me. Should I be vetted before I see her?"

He looked Kaydel up and down, then smiled. "Nah, you don't look all that dangerous to me."

She laughed, feeling her cheeks grow hot. "How long have you been with the Resistance, Commander?"

"Just over a year," Poe replied. "Can't imagine being anywhere else. Not now. You'll get used to this place real quick, Connix – so if you start feeling homesick, I can assure you that soon you'll be too busy to even give it a thought. Where you from, anyway?" he asked, looking across at her.

"Dulathia."

Poe's dark eyebrows rose. "Lantillian sector?"

She nodded as they headed into the bunker. There were stacks of crates, groups of people, miscellaneous craft parts and buzzing droids all over the place.

"Hey, watch your step there," Poe said, as Kaydel just missed tripping over a ventilation hose. "Guys, can you maybe keep the fire and trip hazards to the side of the hangar if that works?" he called out to two flight-techs just a little way away.

They nodded. "Of course, Commander," one of them responded, and they began to reel the abandoned hose back in.

"So, Lantillian sector – you must've had a hell of a journey," Poe said to her as they rounded a group of droids.

"Four different stops between home and here. It took me over a week to do, so I'm glad I've finally made it."

"Huh. Sounds like dedication to me, Connix, and that'll get you far. Especially where the General's concerned."

He opened a door at the back of the hangar area and held it open for Kaydel to pass through. She ducked under his arm, which was braced at the top of the door, then waited to one side as he resumed the lead along the long hallway.

"She should be here somewhere..." Poe muttered, looking into rooms and around corners as they moved down the corridor. 

Kaydel was starting to feel nervous again. One by one she wiped her palms on her shirt and then double-checked her hair again.

"Damn it," she muttered. She should've tied it up. It felt lank and tangled, and that was not going to make a good first impression.

Poe turned and looked at her as they walked. "Something the matter?"

"Just wishing I could make myself more presentable before I meet General Leia Organa." Kaydel said her full name almost reverently.

"Don't worry about it. She sees most of us covered in engine grease and stinking of fuel fumes. She's not expecting anyone who volunteers to turn up in finely tailored shimmersilk."

Kaydel believed he was telling the truth, but she didn't know him well enough for his reassurances to calm her nerves. Not yet.

"Thank you, Commander, but is there maybe a mirror I could use somewhere first? Just to check myself over? At the very least I'd like to tie up my hair. It won't take me a minute."

He appraised her for a second or two. "Follow me."

She did, and a few moments later was walking behind him into a locker room that somehow smelled of fuel even more strongly than the landing zone did.

"Sorry about this. Pilots' prep area," he explained, kicking a pile of dirty flightsuits out of the way. He led Kaydel across the room and then opened a locker with his surname perma-painted on the front of it. "Here's your mirror. It's a good one," he added with a smirk. "Always worth a pilot checking his hair once the flight helmet comes off."

"You're a lifesaver," she said, hurrying in front of the mirror.

Putting her bag on the floor, she quickly combed her fingers through her hair and pulled it up into a bun. Once she'd secured it with a band from her wrist, she carefully smoothed the top and sides. Then she straightened her shirt, making sure it was tucked smartly into her trousers, and turned to Poe.

"Better?" he asked, closing the locker.

She nodded and picked up her bag. "Much better. Thank you, Commander. I'm very grateful."

He just smiled. "No problem. Now let's get you to the General."

They passed three more rooms along the corridor before Poe stopped in the entryway of one of them, so suddenly that Kaydel bumped into his back and trod on his heels. He turned to looked at her, at which she very swiftly stepped back a pace.

"Sorry," she murmured.

"Leia's in here," he said. "I'll introduce you then I've gotta get to my debrief. After that – well, I guess I'll see you around, Connix."

She nodded. "I hope so. Thank you, Commander Dameron."

"Welcome. Hair looks great, by the way," he added with a wink.

Kaydel followed the famous starfighter pilot through the door. She was finally ready to meet the woman who'd already saved the galaxy once and was now preparing to do it all over again.

 

 

Thank you for reading! I would love to receive your KUDOS if you enjoyed this chapter 🙏🏼

Read on for Chapter Three – subscribe to get updates on new instalments.

 

Notes:

Image of Gadde Neshurrion from https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Gadde_Neshurrion

Image of D'Qar from https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Resistance_base

Image of an Ithorian from https://www.starwars.com/databank/ithorians

Image of Vober Dand from https://twitter.com/sw_holocron/status/1286992560196640768

Image of Bollie Prindel from https://www.starwars.com/databank/bollie-prindel

Image of Resistance recruitment poster from https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Resistance_(poster)

Chapter 4: Chapter Three

Notes:

The songs that accompany this chapter are REMINDS ME OF YOU (Remastered) by Van Morrison and MIGHTY WINGS by Cheap Trick. Search "The General and the Lieutenant" on Spotify for the playlist!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

NOW

The Old Senate House, Hanna City, Chandrila

Milla Ko Connix waited for her daughter to finish recounting the memory of her arrival on D’Qar. Then she spoke softly: “Poe was the first friend you made when you joined the Resistance? I didn’t know that.”

Kaydel shrugged weakly. “It didn’t seem like an important detail back then. He was the pilot I recognized from the recruitment flyer, and he just so happened to be the one who introduced me to Leia. After that I was so busy with the introductory process, the skill assessments and getting my uniform sorted…”

She trailed off, realizing that once she'd sent her parents a message to let them know she'd arrived safely, she hadn’t placed another holo-call to them for several months after that.

Milla Ko smiled, as if to silently say that, compared to the Resistance mission, that didn’t matter. “And do you think you might have liked him even then, sweetheart?” she asked softly.

Kaydel shook her head. “No. I remember feeling a little starry-eyed about the fact that he was the pilot from the flyer… A few of the other students picked them up on graduation day like I did, but I think I was the only one who kept one. I guess it felt like fate, like something in the stars – that out of everybody he was one of the first people I met. And I really enjoyed being around him...” She swallowed. “But nothing beyond that.”

Not straight away, at least… she mused silently.

Her mother nodded – though with all the interference from the rickety holo-unit she was using, it was hard to tell. “Well, how do you feel, having thought back to all that? To when you first met him?”

“I don’t know,” Kaydel replied, her voice sounding flat even to her own ears. Everything inside her felt heavy, like it was being dragged down by sorrow. “He was kind to me since the minute we met. He made me laugh whenever I felt nervous. He asked me about myself and where I came from, even though he was a commander, and very busy, and I was just a nobody who’d turned up on a cargo ship and didn’t know what the hell I was doing. And now…”

Milla Ko waited patiently for her daughter to finish her thought.

“Now I think I might feel worse, Mom. Poe has never been anything but good to me. Ever.”

“I think that tells you a lot about who he is, Sunpetal. And that doesn’t need to make you feel worse – although I know you’re sad. Heartbreak is a difficult thing to go through. A cut that runs deep doesn’t heal itself all too fast.”

Kaydel nodded. “I know.”

She stayed silent for a while, brooding over the idea that Poe might think he wasn’t that important to her, even though she knew he was. He needed to know that. He should know that – shouldn’t he? Or would it only complicate things if she—

There was a rustling sound as Milla Ko Connix shifted in her seat, parsecs away across the galaxy. Kaydel looked up at the holo, at the flickering image of her mother’s face. She would give anything to be able to hug her the way Poe had just hugged his dad.

“Look, why don’t we pick this up a little later?” Milla Ko suggested. “I know you’re busy, and from what we’ve been seeing on the HoloNet, you all must have your hands full over there. Maybe we can talk soon? Whenever you’re free, of course.”

“I would love that, but I have a lot to do today and…”

Kaydel stopped as her mother’s mention of the HoloNet sank in. Pulling Poe out of the comms room to see Kes had been important, but it had left all the incoming press enquiries unanswered. As far as she was aware, Finn wasn’t back from his debriefing at the academy grounds, and the longer the Resistance’s silence went on, the more rumours would fly about Ben, the assassination attempt, the ex-trooper attack and everything else that had happened recently.

“Kaydel Ko?”

Her mother’s voice broke into her thoughts and she blinked. “Sorry. I have to go – there are things I need to take care of. Will you be home later? I could comm again tonight?”

Milla smiled gently. “I’ll be here, sweetheart. And I can’t tell you how happy I am to have heard your voice and seen your beautiful face. Take care of yourself, my darling. I love you.”

“I love you too, Mom.”

When the holo disappeared into nothing, and the crackly background hiss vanished into thin air, Kaydel looked out of the window. Her breath in was long and drawn, her exhalation sad and sorrowful.

The sun had risen so fast on her second morning without Poe. Would it get any easier as the days passed?

She got up, straightened the bedsheets, and put her commlink back in her desk drawer. Then she headed for the comms room, put on her headset and prepared to face the press.

~

Kaydel was ashamed to admit that work was nothing but a distraction. Yet again she was trying to focus on the job in hand and, although she was getting it done, her thoughts kept straying back to her early days on D’Qar. She hadn’t revisited those memories for so long – mainly because there just simply hadn’t been time with all the subsequent threats, battles, base moves and everything in between.

Talking to her mother about the day she joined the Resistance had been bittersweet. Thinking back to that time, and how all the pain and tragedy that lay ahead of them was unknown, made her feel sad. So many lives had been lost since then: too many friends, too many good people…

And yet, reliving her early days in the Resistance also made her feel a gentle and comforting wave of fondness. Her life had truly changed that day back on D’Qar. There was a lot that was good about life on that secret base, hidden away in the forests deep inside the Ileenium system.

It was warm there, and much less humid than Ajan Kloss. Their surroundings had been filled with greenery and flowers – not close to the base, but further out to the edges of the training fields, where multicoloured blooms fell in uncontrollable blankets from the trees and the security fencing. Kaydel would take occasional walks around the perimeter, either early in the morning or late in the evening, depending on what shift she was working.

The wildflowers that grew there always reminded her of her mother. For as long as Kaydel could remember, Milla Ko Connix had worked in the central market in Esdale City on Dulathia, selling flowers and seeds she propagated herself. It was a cottage industry she’d worked on in the small scrubby yard of their home since Kaydel was a baby, while Bradden Connix took all the shifts he could get at the city’s energy plant. Once Kaydel was old enough, she’d helped her mother sell the produce whenever she wasn’t doing her academic work, always with pollen on her fingers and the scent of leaves in her hair.

That was why Kaydel visited the edges of the D’Qar base at twilight whenever she could. For when the dissipating sunlight lay heavy on the flowers, releasing their aroma into the warm breeze, she would close her eyes and breathe in the scent of home…

Poe had been right – on D’Qar there simply wasn’t time to stop and think about the home from which you had come. There were rigorous sets of training for Kaydel to go through, as well as learning all the basics of how the Resistance machine functioned. Her assessment scores were high across the board but comms was her clear speciality, and so she was installed at Fleet Command under the guidance of Controller PZ-4CO, a tall blue protocol droid.

In those early days, Kaydel filled notebook after notebook with facts, questions, maps, procedures, and the names of her colleagues with accompanying identifiable facts so she’d never forget a face. Then, in her quarters at night, she’d reread it all back to herself so the information became ingrained, eventually rendering her need to refer to the notebooks almost obsolete.

But she still had them even now: the notebooks. She’d seen them in the bottom of her worn old duffel bag when she, Rose and Rey had been looking for make-up on the night of the senatorial evening reception. Maybe she’d look at them later, after she’d spoken to her mother again.

Then again, Kaydel thought, as she sighed and looked out of the comms-room window, the notebooks were filled with the history of her first shifts working on mission comms for Black Squadron. The starfighter team that flew under the leadership of Captain Temmin “Snap” Wexley and one Commander Poe Dameron. Her heart hurt at the thought of the memories she might find there.

~

THEN (33 ABY, before “The Force Awakens”)

Resistance Base Headquarters, D’Qar

Connix fine-tuned her headset reception until the static was all but gone. In the clarity that ensued, she received Commander Dameron’s update loud and clear over the airwaves.

This is Black Leader to Base, we are two klicks out from the destination. I repeat: two klicks. Over.”

Connix double-checked the radar read-out to confirm the distance. “Noted and verified, Black Leader. We have you on tracking.”

Officer Connix, good morning from the sunny skies of Oshira. Any idea what the landing situation is like round here?” Poe asked across the commlink.

She didn’t know, so she glanced up at PZ-4CO for the answer.

“Our records of the more uninhabited areas of Oshira, in which you are due to make landfall, indicate the presence of some dilapidated hut structures and a rather unpleasant bog-like area,” Peazy replied, in her gracefully mechanical tones.

Bog-like, huh? That’s just great. You hear that, Snap? A kriffing bog…

I hear ya, Poe,” Snap Wexley replied. Like the commander, he did not sound impressed.

We talking the kind of bog we could get our landing gear stuck in, or the ‘sink in five seconds and we’ll never find you’ kind?” Poe asked.

Connix smiled at his dry tone.

“I’m afraid the records don’t state the actual consistency of said bog, Commander,” Peazy replied, completely without irony. “I suggest the best course of action is to avoid that area altogether and look for firmer terrain on which to land, should that be a possibility.”

Your helpful advice to 'not land in the bog' is duly noted, Peazy,” Poe said. “But if Snap and I get fossilized out here then it’s on your head. You too, Connix.”

“I’m sure you can avoid fossilization if you follow Peazy’s tip, Commander Dameron,” Connix said, still smiling. “My solar triangulation suggests the suns are about to hit their highest point, so the bogs should be easy enough to spot. Bee-Bee-Ate might even be able to detect what I’m sure will be a very organic olfactory trace.”

A little sequence of beeps flowed across the commlink.

Bee-Bee-Ate does not want to open his scent sensors and I don't blame him,” Poe replied, with a dramatic sigh. “Commencing descent. This is Commander Dameron stating loud and clear that I'm not gonna be the one who has to clean Black One when we get back to base. Let the record state that I’m putting in a special request for Peazy and Connix to do it.

~

Listening to Poe’s airborne humour and his sibling-like banter with Snap, Karé and Jessika Pava was one of the things Connix loved most about running comms for Black Squadron ops. Even when they were doing training sorties, and she was the controller tasked with tracking their coordinates, there were never any dull moments and she was constantly learning things from them.

Sometimes it was hard to stay fully professional when Poe would drop sour jokes – as well as effusive compliments and the odd dirty insult – across the comm-waves. Every time Kaydel was on rotation for the squadron she was made to feel like part of the team, even when she was parsecs away from them in hyperdrive terms.

~

THEN (34 ABY, right before the beginning of “The Force Awakens”)

Resistance Base Headquarters, D’Qar

Connix, Bee-Bee-Ate is telling me I’ve only got enough fuel for one more exercise drill. That seem right to you? Because it sure as hell doesn’t to me…

A flurry of beeps cut across the airwaves even as Connix, back at base, opened her mouth to respond. She waited for the little astromech to finish registering his concerns, then waited for Poe to give her an idea of what the droid had said. Binary language training was still waiting for a gap in her busy schedule, and not finding one.

Hang on, Connix…” Poe said, before reassuring BB-8. “Come on, buddy, don’t be like that. I’m not saying I don’t trust you, but we should've been fully fuelled before we started. Either we took off without a full tank or something’s wrong with the coupling line. If that’s the case and we’re leaking fuel, we should head back to base. I’ll be damned if we blow up practising barrel rolls – Black One only just had her paintwork done.”

BB-8 responded, to which Poe sighed but didn’t say anything.

“Commander, is Bee-Bee-Ate still reading that you’re low on fuel?” Connix asked after a beat.

Yep. He says it’s not a mistake and that as far as he can tell, we don’t have a leak anywhere on the line. You able to shed any light on this?

“Let me contact the hangar team. Wait one, Commander.”

Will do.

Connix turned down her audio output while she opened a separate line to the exterior team. She could hear Poe and BB-8 continuing their discussion while she waited for someone out in the flight zone to pick up and answer her query.

A minute later, she raised volume on her link to Black One. “Commander Dameron?”

Here,” Poe responded. “Any joy?

“Fuel team confirms that you took off without a full tank. I repeat, Black One did not have a full tank when you left the flight deck.”

Well, that’s good, I guess… No fuel leak. Any idea why she wasn’t filled up?

Connix bit her lip and didn’t answer for a couple of seconds.

Connix? You there?

“They, um… The team said they were in the middle of fuelling when you arrived, and that you told them to stop.”

What?

“I’m sorry, Commander, that’s what I was told. They said you arrived early on the flight deck and informed them you were ready to go, so they dropped the link before the tank was full. They said you, er… seemed to be in a hurry and…”

And?” Poe prodded, as Connix’s sentence hung in the air.

“Apparently you said – and I quote – ‘this girl needs a ride’.”

Both Karé Kun and her husband Snap Wexley burst into laughter over the comm-waves.

Connix firmed her lips into a hard line. Not because she was flustered or shocked by the innuendo, but because she was trying desperately not to laugh along with the others. A quick sideways glance at Peazy told her that the operations droid was far from amused. In fact, Peazy raised her long blue faceplate to the ceiling as if she’d had enough of this nonsense, then turned and walked serenely away from the flight-comms console.

Well, I’ll be damned,” Poe responded. “Does anyone here think that sounds like me?

Connix, who could tell from the tone of his voice that he was grinning, had to physically hold her lips together with her fingers.

Sounds a hell of a lot like you, Poe,” Snap ventured.

Well, the commander begs to differ!” Poe replied, in faux outrage. “Connix, don’t listen to Wexley. You think I said that?

Connix shook her head and put on a straight face, as though she was talking to him in person. “I, er, really couldn’t say, Commander. But it confirms the reason why Black One left without a full tank, so I believe your original question has been answered.”

Guess so… But while I’m grateful I don’t have a fuel leak, my stellar reputation as Black Leader has been smeared by this offensive allegation,” Poe said, laying on a cavalier tone of outrage.

More chuckles could be heard, and Connix grinned. “I’ve been pleased to be of assistance, Commander,” she said. “Is there anything else I can do?”

Yes, Officer Connix,” Karé chipped in. “You can ensure this whole exchange gets marked top of the list for the weekly squadrons debrief. I think it’s important the other teams hear about Black Leader’s concerns.”

“Of course, Captain,” Connix responded, smiling again. “Correct fuelling procedures are, of course, a crucial safety issue… As is the importance of making sure starfighters get regular rides.”

Karé hollered in good humour while Snap chuckled, but both sounds were overridden by Poe’s voice.

Officer Connix, I believe you may have just broken comms protocol to make a dirty joke, and I gotta say, I didn’t think you had it in you but—

“You’re welcome, Commander,” Connix interrupted sharply, the smile slipping from her face as she saw Peazy’s shiny blue platework drawing near. “Is there anything else I can do?”

Connix stood up straight, snapping herself back into professional mode as Peazy leant towards the console.

“Black Squadron, training is over,” the droid controller announced, her tone brooking no delay. “Return to base immediately, all hands on deck. Commander Dameron, you are requested to report immediately to General Organa for a separate mission.”

Connix glanced up at Peazy as the three pilots obeyed direction. Their digi-icons on the navi-screen could be seen turning to head back to D’Qar immediately.

The time for humour had gone. Something had changed.

 

Thank you for reading! I would love to receive your KUDOS if you enjoyed this chapter 🙏

Read on for Chapter Four, or subscribe to get updates on new instalments. I publish every Friday!

 

Notes:

Image of wildflower meadow from https://wbba.org/blog/tag/madison/

Image of Kaydel Ko Connix and PZ-4CO from https://starwarsinterviews.com/sequel-trilogy/episode-vii-the-force-awakens/nathalie-cuzner-pz-4co/

Image of BB-8 in an X-wing from https://www.smithsonianmag.com/innovation/what-robots-star-wars-tell-us-about-future-human-work-180967535/

Image of Poe Dameron from https://www.belloflostsouls.net/2019/05/x-wing-top-list-of-the-week-may-25th-poe-in-the-danger-zone.html

Image of Snap Wexley and Karé Kun by Phil Noto, as published in Poe Dameron #1 (Marvel Comics, 2016) from https://aminoapps.com/c/star-wars-espanol/page/item/kare-kun/D8Rk_XRXfNIm5ajk1VvWXN20MEj2mvxEY1Q

Chapter 5: Chapter Four

Notes:

The song that accompanies this chapter is DON'T FEAR THE REAPER (Re:Imagined) by Denmark + Winter. Search "The General and the Lieutenant" on Spotify for the playlist!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

NOW

The Old Senate House, Hanna City, Chandrila

Not all of Kaydel's comms conversations with Poe and the rest of the squadron were as sprinkled with levity as they were in the early days. In fact, the humour disappeared over a very short space of time, replaced by a quiet awareness of how serious things were getting.

Mission ops for Black Squadron started coming in thick and fast as the First Order's shadow began to encroach further across the galaxy, consuming communities in every corner of the starscape. The Senate continued to turn a mostly blind eye to the Order's activities, and no matter how hard Leia lobbied her governmental contacts in an attempt to persuade them that the threat was real, no steady or serious action was taken.

That meant the Resistance was virtually the only organized force willing to take a stand against the First Order. Again and again the squadrons responded to calls for help from scared communities looking for defenders. They flew to corners of the galaxy that were under threat from stormtrooper battalions and First Order star destroyers that arrived out of nowhere, skulking ominously in the skies. On-board the predatory dreadnoughts, senior officers in vapo-starched charcoal uniforms would look down from on high, casually assessing whether a planet's natural resources were worth taking. Whether its inhabitants could be useful to them in any way. And in the meantime, the families and communities on the ground below would sit and wait for the cannons to start firing.

It was never easy to accept that the starfighter squadrons sometimes didn't reach these desperate people in time. Sometimes the First Order took what it wanted and left before the Resistance could get there. Even so, the brave pilots and crew constantly flew into battle for victimized communities, most of whom they would never know. More often than not, it was Poe and his squadron at the controls of the intrepid Resistance fleet. His friends. Kaydel's friends.

She remembered very well the day Poe was sent off on his solo mission to Jakku. The ops briefing had been tense, the nerves throughout the room pulsating almost directly in line with the importance – and secrecy – of the mission.

Leia was sending Black Squadron's daring commander to see an old Resistance contact, Lor San Tekka, who, it was believed, held crucial information on the whereabouts of Luke Skywalker...

~

THEN (34 ABY, the beginning of "The Force Awakens")

Resistance Base Headquarters, D'Qar

"I won't let you down, General. I'll be in and out faster than a Corellian sand-panther."

"Predatory aspirations aside, I expect nothing less, Commander Dameron," Leia replied, "but you won't be going in Black One. This meeting must take place under the heaviest of cover. You'll take an unmarked X-wing – one that could've been appropriated by anyone, with any allegiance. We cannot afford for you to be identified by any local scanners as a Resistance envoy, and especially not when there's a First Order bounty on your head."

Kaydel watched Poe nod from her place across the holo-table. He was seemingly unbothered by the bounty, and the fact that some very serious people wanted him dead and would pay for the privilege. She knew that, for him, it wasn't high on his list of concerns.

"We have an unmarked X-wing here on D'Qar?" he asked.

Leia shook her head. "No. The ship you'll be taking is on Yavin Four. You'll proceed there in Black One to rendez-vous with my contact."

"Yavin...?" Poe repeated, and Connix glanced at him again. The absence of any other words, combined with the stunned look in his eye, surprised her.

"Faster than a Corellian sand-panther, didn't you say, Commander?" Leia asked. The smile at the corner of her mouth jogged his responsiveness back into gear. Then she added, in what sounded to Kaydel like a rather knowing tone, "There won't be time for anything else while you're there, Poe. Not this time, at least."

He pulled his shoulders back, a slightly uncomfortable look passing quickly over his face. "Yes, General. Bee-Bee-Ate and I will leave tonight."

"Sooner. We have no time to waste," Leia said firmly, before turning to look at Kaydel. "Officer Connix, are the preparations made?"

Kaydel nodded sharply. "Everything is in place. The ship is ready, coordinates and flight plan already pre-loaded."

And before she knew it, the secretive mission briefing was over. Poe headed straight for the pilots' locker room to get ready. Leia looked down at the map of Jakku laid out on the holo-table, her hands resting serenely on the surface.

Kaydel picked up her datapad, pulling her headset up from around her neck and on to her ear as she waited to be dismissed. But when Leia looked up, she didn't dismiss the junior officer – not straight away.

"Kaydel, I'd like you to lead base comms for this mission. The less voices we have chattering over the airwaves the better – and I know that you and Commander Dameron always work well together."

"Of course, General," she said calmly, even as a sense of pride swelled in her chest.

Leia smiled. "Thank you. You're dismissed."

Connix nodded and turned smartly from the table. With her datapad tucked under her arm, she refilled her water canteen at the amenity station and moved quickly to her console, ready to settle in for a long shift.

~

"One thing I gotta say about these older ships, they're not as, uh... shiny as Black One," Poe muttered through the commlink.

He had arrived undetected on Yavin IV, made contact with Leia's network representative, and was busy settling into the unmarked X-wing for the pre-flight check to Jakku. BB-8 trilled away happily in the background.

"I imagine that's part of their charm, not to mention their usefulness," Connix replied. "Please confirm coordinates and flight-plan upload for Tuanul, Commander."

She listened as Poe shifted in his seat, snapping switches and adjusting the yoke setting to his preference. "Yep, all present and correct. Navi looks good to me. A little glitchy, but I guess that's to be expected."

Connix made a note on her datapad. "I'll register the craft in the queue for technical assessment. Ready when you are, Commander."

She watched her screens as Poe tripped the ignition, the rudimentary shape of the X-wing lighting up in pale green on her tracking monitor. He took off, and the unmarked craft's navi-numerics began to rise, marking his altitude and distance from take-off, as well as the time and distance to his destination.

"I have you in the air and in progress," she confirmed. "Entering radio silence from here on out, per mission instructions. May the Force be with you, Commander Dameron."

"And with you, Connix," he responded. "See you on the other side."

The other side took some time to show its face. Connix stayed at her desk all the while, silently monitoring the X-wing's coordinates and the navi-numerics as Poe flew ever closer to Jakku.

Leia came past once, about halfway through the flight time. She stopped beside Connix, her assessing brown eyes sharply gathering all the information from the console screens.

"All on track, General," Connix confirmed. "It looks as though he'll make landfall ahead of schedule."

A small smile played at the corner of Leia's mouth. "Now, why does that not surprise me..."

She turned then, and laid a gentle hand on Connix's shoulder. "Be sure to check in with him once he's landed. Keep it brief, but note down any details he can relay about the surroundings. We need to know what we can do to help the people."

Connix nodded and made another note on her datapad. "Of course, General."

~

Poe did land ahead of schedule – further ahead than even Connix had anticipated, in fact. She was leaning away from her desk to accept a caf from Officer Huetrin Jones when the tell-tale auditory signal of landing-gear engagement trilled through her headset.

She turned quickly back to the console to see the navi-numerics for Poe's altitude falling fast. The X-wing was coming into land, right on target to the edge of the Tuanul settlement.

Connix put her caf on her desk and made sure her mike was settled perfectly in front of her mouth. "Base to Commander, please confirm landing gear engaged by pilot."

A crackle, and then Poe's voice. "Actually, no – landing gear was engaged by astromech, but he's as good as I am, I guess."

BB-8 dropped into the transmission with an agreeable string of beeps and Connix smiled. She'd missed them during the quiet hours of this unusually secretive mission.

"You made good time, Commander."

"What can I say, I don't like making bad time... OK, craft safely in place, all systems still fully functional. Fuel for return trip remains sufficient with approximately fifteen per cent extra to spare. Switching to hand-comms now."

"Received, Commander. I await your reconnect."

The line went dead. As she waited for Poe to come back online, Connix made all the relevant notes about the landing in the mission log. She confirmed and uploaded the flight statistics into the records, then prepared the details of the return trip, ready for when Poe was back in the cockpit.

It didn't take long for him to come back online via his wristcomm. "Base, over?" he said, the wind whistling into his mike.

"I hear you, Commander. Could you give me an update on your surroundings? After that I'll be going silent, per mission briefing."

"Well, from what I can see there's maybe ten to twenty huts and a central communal area. Couple of radial masts. Everything's run-down..." He sighed. "The people here look scared. I'm clearly not First Order but they're still eyeing me, my blaster and Bee-Bee-Ate with palpable fear."

"Noted," Connix said softly, wishing she could say more – but the mission brief was clear. Information, as fast as possible, with no friendly chatter. She returned to her checklist. "Any water source?"

"Can't tell yet, but—" A rustling sound. "No, wait. I see it. There's a well of some kind in the communal area. Some sort of filtration tank set up beside it. I'll see if—" A pause. "Pfassk," he bit out, his voice suddenly hard and unforgiving.

"Cause for alarm, Commander?" Connix replied quickly.

"Cause to burn the First Order down as fast as we fragging well can. The tank's empty. Looks like there's..." More rustling and a few thumps. She assumed he was climbing up the side of the structure to see into it. "Yep, there's several inches of dust at the bottom. The couplings are rusted and broken. This well hasn't been in operation for Force only knows how long. These people have nothing."

"I'll make a note, Commander. We'll send them parts, a technician."

"Fast as we can, Connix. They can't be left like this any longer."

She said nothing, biting her lip to keep back everything she did want to say. Now just wasn't the time to commiserate about the poverty in which some communities had been forced to live. She sighed – a sound she didn't think was audible, but apparently it was.

"I'm glad you can't see this," Poe said quietly.

She closed her eyes for a few seconds. Then she opened them, sat up straight, and looked at her datapad. The mission. Stay on brief. This is what we do.

"Commander, your contact should be in sight. He's been told to expect a visitor and an astromech of your description. Please confirm as soon as you can."

"Yeah, I see him."

Connix heard background noises over Poe's commlink, the muted sound of a greeting.

"One second," she heard Poe say, presumably to Lor San Tekka. Then he spoke directly into his wristcomm, his voice loud and clear. "Contact acquired. I confirm, contact acquired."

"Loud and clear, Commander. Going radio silent now. May the Force be with you."

Connix crossed her fingers as she listened to the snap and hiss of Poe's commlink switching off. Then there was nothing but silence.

~

The wait for Poe to reconnect for his departure pattern was agonizing. Leia had come back to Connix's console, pulling up a chair as they waited for him to reappear on comms.

When it did, it wasn't what they'd expected to hear.

"Base, come in!" he yelled, the urgency in his voice crashing through Connix's headset. His breathing was fast and alarmed. BB-8 trilled frantically in the background, and the sound of active blaster-fire was horrifyingly clear.

Connix gasped, her seat rolling away as she shot to her feet, one hand reaching for her headset. Leia reacted immediately, standing up to switch the audio output to the console speaker so she could hear what was happening.

"Commander, this is Base!" Connix responded. "What's happening?"

"We got trouble. First Order incoming. I repeat: First Order is incoming."

Connix's heart leapt into her throat as she glanced at the greyed-out digi-icon of the X-wing, willing it to illuminate and turn green. As soon as it did, it would indicate that Poe had fired up the engines and was about to take off.

"Commander, did you get the intel?" Leia demanded, her knuckles white as she gripped the edge of the desk.

"I got it," Poe replied through fast breaths. "Now I gotta get this bird off the ground before—"

A volley of background blaster-fire again, and the X-wing lit up on Connix's screen. He was ready to go. Her fingers flew over the keys, reconfirming the navi-coordinates and his flight-plan back to Yavin.

Come on, come on... Connix repeated in her mind.

"Poe, get out of there, now!" Leia snapped. "I need you to—"

The sound of a huge explosion ripped through the console speaker, and both women reared backwards as though the desk itself had been hit. To Connix's horror, the blinking digi-icon of Poe's X-wing flickered out to grey. A second later, a damning red cross appeared across it.

"Commander!" she yelled. "Your craft is registering as offline. I repeat, craft is off the grid. Please confirm!"

Nothing but breathing and clambering sounds for a few seconds, then Poe's voice again, quieter and yet somehow more urgent. Relief began to flow uncertainly back into Connix's veins – but not for long.

"Troopers took out the engine. Destroyed it. This X-wing is dead and gone."

"Poe, that data," Leia urged. "We cannot lose it!"

"It's in Bee-Bee-Ate. He's got the chip. Connix, start tracking him and have someone come pick him up. I'm going to have to find another way to— Wait."

Connix quickly pulled up a list on another screen, one that would list any contacts they might have nearby on Jakku who could supply an emergency craft. The panel for entries was blank.

One or two more seconds passed as the women waited for Poe to finish his sentence.

"Commander?" Connix urged. The silence was almost worse than anything else.

"Another First Order ship just landed," Poe relayed. "Upsilon class. There's some sort of commanding officer disembarking. Long black clothing, gridded face mask... They look—"

"Poe, you and the droid must leave now, in whatever way you can," Leia interrupted, her spine rigid. "Run. That's an order."

"I will, but the villagers are surrounded and— Hell's stars, they've got San Tekka..."

"Commander—" Leia began, her voice firm as stone even though Connix could see her hands trembling.

"Base, I'm going to mute you," was Poe's somewhat disobedient response.

"Poe Dameron, you listen to me—" Leia began.

A click and hiss. The pulsing volume pattern that tracked the outgoing audio on Connix's comms console went flat.

She opened up the diagnostics for the comms transmission. They could both see, plain as day, that Poe had blocked their ability to speak to him. He'd outright defied Leia's orders to run and then cut her off from giving him any further instruction. But Kaydel knew he hadn't done it to rebelliously refuse to comply.

He'd done it so that if the First Order got close to him, they'd never know the Resistance was on the other end of his commlink.

She glanced at the General. Leia's face was pale, her eyes wide. Her brow was furrowed in what could have looked like anger, but seemed on closer inspection to be a little more like fear.

Then Poe's voice flowed out off the console speakers, more urgent than before. He was keeping them updated, even though they could do nothing in return. "OK, I'm armed and I'm gonna try to— Wait, is that a...? It can't be. Dank farrik, that's a lightsaber..."

There was a deathly hush, and then the unmistakeable sound of the energy weapon igniting in the distance.

"No!" Poe yelled.

Both Connix and Leia visibly jumped at his sudden shout. It was so much louder than the breathless yet tempered voice he'd been communicating with. Fear trickled, unabated, through Connix's veins as she realized what was about to happen.

He's just blown his cover...

All they could hear now were rustling sounds. The clank and click of a blaster releasing its safety gauge. Poe evening out and then holding his breath – and one single blaster-shot, fired at close range.

Not even one second later he groaned audibly, and Connix's hand flew to her mouth. Had he shot someone? Had someone shot him?

"C-commander Dameron?" she said, trying but failing to disguise the tremor in her voice.

"He can't hear you, Kaydel," Leia said quietly, her eyeline dropping away from the screens. "There's nothing we can do."

Yet they could still hear it all. Running footsteps growing closer. The sound of a punch hitting a body, and another moan from Poe.

Then nothing: not a crackle or a hiss. No Poe, just dead static. The connection had been broken.

They'd lost him.

Connix looked at Leia. The General's eyes were shadowed with fear as she met Kaydel's gaze. She must have been scared for Poe – the failure of the mission, the loss of the intel about the whereabouts of her brother.

Or was there something else Leia hadn't shared? Because the older woman almost looked as though she was sorry... Like she somehow thought herself to blame for what had gone wrong.

Leia tipped her chin up, whatever personal emotion she was feeling pushed quickly to the side. "Track Bee-Bee-Ate. Locate him as soon as possible, and ready a craft to pick him up. That is your new mission objective, Officer Connix."

Kaydel nodded hurriedly. "Yes, General. And... and what about Commander Dameron?"

Leia took a very careful and even breath. "If I know Poe he'll find a way off that planet, but your priority must be the droid. We cannot let what he has slip through our fingers."

Connix nodded, even as fear continued to saturate her veins. She was about to ask if they shouldn't do something else to get Poe out of whatever situation he was in, but stopped herself. As a junior officer, she could not question the decisions of the General. Leia knew what she was doing, and she'd had her junior officer's complete trust before they'd even met.

And as it turned out, Connix didn't need to voice her worry.

Leia put a hand on her forearm and looked at her carefully, her brown eyes warm yet serious. "Tell Snap to suit up. I want him on a recon flight as soon as daylight hits the sands of Jakku."

"Yes, General." Connix nodded.

She swallowed as she watched Leia walk away. Then she sat down, adjusted her headset and began mentally filtering her tasks into a priority list, her fingers flying over the keys of her console.

But she couldn't help worrying. Couldn't dispel the fear that sat so grim and heavy in her stomach. Who had Poe seen? And what were they going to do with him – if he was even still alive...?

 

Thank you for reading! I would love to receive your KUDOS if you enjoyed this chapter 🙏

Keep an eye out for Chapter Five on Friday 25th March, or subscribe to get updates on new instalments. I publish every Friday!

 

Notes:

Image of an airborne star destroyer from https://aminoapps.com/c/star-wars/amp/blog/imperial-star-destroyer-on-hoth/5QFV_uPv88YxB828gJn05KJbbgGrXn

Image of Resistance Base holo-table from https://movies.mxdwn.com/feature/star-wars-reborn-a-reflection-on-the-force-awakens-and-the-last-jedi/amp/

Image of General Leia Organa from https://www.cinemablend.com/news/2493038/carrie-fisher-introduced-herself-to-star-wars-co-star-in-the-most-carrie-fisher-way

Image of Kaydel Ko Connix at Resistance Base from https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Kaydel_Ko_Connix

Image of Poe Dameron on Jakku from https://www.starwars.com/databank/poe-dameron

Image of the death of Lor San Tekka from https://imperialtalker.com/2020/06/23/the-murder-of-lor-san-tekka/amp/

Chapter 6: Chapter Five

Notes:

The song that accompanies this chapter is DREAM ON by Aerosmith. Search "The General and the Lieutenant" on Spotify for the full playlist!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

THEN (34 ABY, during the events of “The Force Awakens”)

Resistance Base Headquarters, D’Qar

 

After they’d lost all communication with Poe, Connix stayed on shift far longer than protocol guidelines deemed allowable. Snap had already taken off to try and track down any trace of his squadron leader on Jakku, a thought that comforted Connix.

Less comforting – devastating, in fact – was the discovery that C-3PO had neglected to switch on BB-8’s tracking beacon before Poe and the droid had left on their mission. Consequently, the Resistance had no idea where the little astromech was. He had to be on Jakku, unless something else had gone severely wrong and he’d fallen into unfriendly hands. That possibility was grimly within the realms of being true, seeing as the First Order had been right there at Tuanul...

And so the search for BB-8 and the precious data he was carrying felt fruitless before it had even begun, and C-3PO’s constant apologies were only making things worse.

It was Peazy who eventually told Connix to stand down and leave the Fleet Command control area – “told” being the optimum word, because no choice was given and no argument was brooked. Connix had tried to resist. She wanted to stay at, or at least near, a console in case news came in from Poe or BB-8. Eventually, however, even she had to admit that exhaustion was getting the better of her. Twenty-six hours was shorter than other comms personnel records, no doubt, but it was certainly the longest shift Connix had ever done.

When she reached her quarters she pulled off her boots, took her buns down and lay down on her bunk. Turning to face the wall, she closed her eyes, expecting to drop into a fatigued sleep almost straight away. Yet her mind was still racing. Trying to figure out where Poe could be.

Surely they wouldn’t have just killed him, then and there? The fact that he was armed and had tried to fire on the First Order risked that outcome, certainly. But equally, they might have taken him in for questioning. If they had, would they—

No. Oh no…

The bounty that had been placed on his head.

If they’d taken him on-board one of their ships, the first thing they would have done was a scan. Assuming nobody had recognized him in person, their scanners would have picked up a match for his face straight away, and that would have been that. The First Order would have found one of their most wanted.

Connix squeezed her eyes shut even tighter, dashing an errant tear away when it escaped from beneath her eyelashes. She bit down on her thumbnail, willing herself not to cry. There were others asleep in here too, others resting between shifts. She couldn’t disturb them.

And she couldn’t let herself think that the worst might have happened.

~

Some time later, Connix’s subconscious struggled to the surface as footsteps came quickly across the bunk quarters towards her. Instinct had her sitting up straight away, brushing her hair out of her eyes, ready to receive orders.

But it wasn’t any of the commanding officers. It was Lieutenant Tallie Lintra, one of the starfighter pilots from Blue Squadron.

“Is everything OK?” Connix asked. She slid her feet into her boots, simultaneously pulling her sleep-mussed hair up into its regulation style. “Is there a mission launching? I can be ready for comms in two minutes.”

“No mission – not yet, anyway,” Tallie replied. “I didn’t want to wake you, but I thought you’d want to know...”

Connix frowned. “Know what?”

Please be good news…

Tallie smiled. “It’s Commander Dameron. He’s alive.”

“What?” Connix shot to her feet. Her hands dropped lifelessly to her sides, only one bun secured successfully in her hair. “You’ve heard from him? Is he on comms? Is he OK?”

Tallie’s shake of the head startled Connix. She’d asked too many questions and didn’t know which one the other woman was saying no to.

“He’s not on comms, Kaydel. He’s back.”

“On base?”

“Yep. Sounds like a long story, but he bought himself a lift off Jakku and just arrived here via Yavin. He’s in pretty bad shape, but he’s all right.”

Tallie rapped her knuckles on the wall next to the bunk, a casual good-luck gesture many of them had adopted since the rise in the number of First Order missions.

“I… Thank you. Thank you for coming to tell me,” Connix said. “I’ll report to the General, see if she needs me for the debrief.”

“Sure,” Tallie said with a smile, then she disappeared out into the corridor.

Connix sank down on to the bed and rested her head in her hands. Not only was Poe alive, but he was OK. And not only was he OK, he was already home.

A wave of relief simmered comfortingly over the back of her neck and travelled all the way down her spine. Suddenly she felt like she could breathe easier.

~

Talk in the command centre kept coming back to Poe. Nobody could quite believe how he’d been taken by the First Order, escaped from their star destroyer, crash-landed back on Jakku and then got all the way to Yavin and back to D’Qar in his condition.

Connix had heard the word “tortured” spoken more than once. Nobody seemed completely sure what the First Order had done to him. Any brief speculation that was made before Peazy’s disapproving eyes and mechanical clucks stopped it in its tracks did not sound good.

All Connix really knew was that he’d looked in a bad way when she’d seen him at a distance, down the long central corridor in the base bunker. Dr Kalonia had been trying to get him on to a trolley-bed for admission to the med bay – something he was staunchly resisting. His face was drawn, his forehead and cheekbone bruised. His normally strong stature and leader-like posture was unnervingly slack. Shadows lay stark beneath his eyes and dried blood could be seen on his temple, his lower lip, beneath one of his ears, the neckline of his torn shirt…

He’d spotted her from down the corridor, while she’d been mentally cataloguing all the harm that had come to him. For a second they just stared at each other, then he’d raised a hand and called out, “Hey, Connix, guess what? I’m not dead.”

She hadn’t responded when he’d said that. Not that she could, because any words vanished before reaching her lips. And even if she could’ve made some kind of joke back to him, Dr Kalonia and a medical droid put paid to that. They managed to manoeuvre a wheeled med-chair behind him and essentially tipped him into it, and the minute they had, he was whizzed into the med bay.

Now she was back at her console, Connix was keeping busy maintaining the mission log. There were still a lot of gaps in the intel and the timeline, and they would stay unfilled until Poe had his debrief.

Leia stopped by her desk not long afterwards. “Officer Connix, I’m going to see Poe now that Kalonia has finished all her initial assessments and treatment,” she said. “Follow after me in ten minutes’ time for the debrief. I want you to tie up all the loose ends on the mission file.”

Connix nodded. “Of course, General.”

Once she’d prepared her datapad and everything she needed to record whatever Poe could tell her, she filled a thermal flask with extra-strong caf and headed down to the med bay.

When she got to the door of Poe’s assessment room, she could hear Leia talking to him. Connix tucked herself against the wall and waited, double-checking her place in each of her datapad files so she was ready to begin as soon as the General had left.

Leia’s voice drifted out into the corridor: “Rest while you can, Commander Dameron. That’s an order.”

“Really, I’m fine. Walking wounded at most. I do not need to be stuck in this bed,” Poe protested.

“I’m sure you don’t, but I have a feeling we’ll need you in the air again before long. I will not be able to send you up there in this condition and be in good conscience about it. So you will rest until I give you a follow-up order.”

Connix heard the huffy sigh Poe gave in response, but he didn’t say anything else. She knew that apart from the cuts and bruises, he must be dealing with a fair amount of psychological trauma, and who knew how long that might take to heal. She’d heard horror stories about the First Order employing entire ranks of torture specialists…

“Officer Connix will be along shortly for your debrief,” Leia continued. “Until then, see to it that you do as little as possible. The doctor will be watching you, Poe, and so will I. If I see you anywhere that isn’t this bed until you are told otherwise, a demotion will be in order.”

Silence. Connix turned her head towards the doorway.

“Do you hear me, Commander?” Leia repeated, her voice a little firmer.

"But..." A rustle, as if Poe was fidgeting to contain his disappointment. “Fine,” was the eventual response.

Connix closed her datapad and stood away from the wall, ready to enter the room.

“Wait... General – can I ask you something?” Poe’s voice suddenly sounded a little more subdued, as if he was about to speak about something personal.

Connix immediately made to move away so as not to overhear.

“Is Officer Connix… mad at me about something?” he said.

She froze, her curiosity piqued not just by the mention of her name, but by his very question.

“And what would make you ask that?” Leia replied.

“I saw her just before the Doc brought me in here and she just kind of… stared at me," Poe said. "She didn’t smile. Didn’t say hi. Seemed like she was the only person who didn’t say anything to me.” A short pause. “But then I guess she’s busy. Forget I asked. Never mind.”

Connix didn’t think she’d ever heard Poe confused, but the tone in which he had spoken sounded a lot like it.

“Poe,” replied Leia, her voice touched with amusement, “what do you know about women?”

Connix blinked. She should not be listening to this conversation… And yet, because it was about her, she couldn’t step away.

“Women?” Poe responded, seemingly affronted. “I don’t… I mean, I know women but I don’t know what you’re asking when you say ‘do I know women’… There are a lot of ways I could know them. And anyway, what does that have to do with anything? And with… with Connix?”

Leia sighed. It was a soft sound of exasperation that concluded with a small chuckle. “Well, I believe you’ve just answered my question, Commander. Rest up now. No arguments.”

The General stepped into the corridor and came face to face with the officer – the young woman – in question.

Clasping her datapad to her chest with one hand, the caf flask in the other, Connix stood to attention. “General.”

“At ease, please,” Leia said, almost looking to the heavens. Then she laid a warm hand on Connix’s forearm. “A piece of advice from me to you, Kaydel...?”

“Y-yes?”

Leia lowered her voice and leant towards her conspiratorially. “Don’t tell him what he doesn’t know. One day he’ll realize it was the idea of him getting himself killed that unnerved you so much you could barely look at him. I’m afraid that kind of lightning bolt isn’t always a fast process with a man like Poe – Force only knows I’ve had my experience with that type of man... But he’ll work it out eventually.”

Connix nodded dutifully. She even opened her mouth to reply, but couldn’t think what to say.

Leia smiled kindly then. Her deep brown eyes were so warm, so maternal and comforting. Sometimes it was as though she had centuries upon centuries of wisdom and strength behind her gaze, though the compassion she had for her people was always at the forefront.

“We’ve all been scared to lose the people we care about, Kaydel,” she said softly, “and there’s no shame in that. I know that being this close to the threat of death is new to you. We don’t always have time to process our feelings about that, but try not to let fear cloud your thoughts.”

Connix found herself mirroring the General’s smile, the words settling like balm on her worried soul.

“I’m thankful you haven’t experienced the extent of loss that I knew when I was your age, and I’m equally glad you have friends you care about so much. It’s OK to let them know that, every once in a while.”

Connix nodded mutely as Leia squeezed her arm and then walked away. She took a minute to gather herself, pressing the cool back of her hand to her cheeks, and then she entered Poe’s room.

He was strapped and bandaged in several places. Two monitor leads were attached to his chest, and he was sitting on the edge of the bed as if refusing to even entertain the idea of lying down, let alone succumb to it.

He looked up at her, wincing when he tried to sit up straighter. “Hey.”

Connix nodded a greeting, scared to meet his eye all of a sudden. “Commander Dameron. How are you feeling?”

He made a good attempt at a shrug as she surreptitiously assessed his cuts and bruises up close. Even though they’d been cleaned and treated with bacta, the ones that were still visible looked worse than she’d thought. She swallowed her concern, reminding herself that this was an official debrief that would be going on the record.

“Can’t lie to you, Connix, I’ve had better days… Any news on Bee-Bee-Ate?” he asked, hope in his eyes as he gingerly rotated his left shoulder.

She shook her head. “Nothing yet. I’m sorry.”

“He’ll be back soon, I know he will,” he said – seemingly as much to himself as to her. “Did you hear I got to fly a TIE fighter? That’s another notch on my belt.”

He cracked a smile but she didn’t return it.

“Are you OK?” he asked with a frown.

“Don’t you think it should be me asking you that question?” She pulled a chair towards the bed and sat down in front of him. “So let’s start at the beginning. We lost comms with you just as—”

“Whoa, wait a minute.” He held up a hand, worry etched on his tired face. “I know you’ve got to get all this intel recorded so we can work out our next move, but I can’t figure out what’s gone on here... I know I’m nothing special, Connix, but you don’t seem pleased to see me at all. In fact, you seem kind of pissed off about it.”

She looked away, chewing her bottom lip. What in Force’s name could she say? He was the first person she knew who’d nearly died right in front of her – or in her earshot, at least.

And it wasn’t that she didn’t care about him – far from it. It was the fact that she cared more than she realized that scared her. And she definitely didn’t want to say that. That couldn’t possibly be what Leia had meant when she’d said it was OK to let someone know how you felt every once in a while…

“Of course I’m pleased to see you,” she mumbled. She began tapping distractedly at her datapad and accidentally shuffled her files into alphabetical order with a shaking finger.

Just start the debrief, she told herself.

“Could’ve fooled me,” he said grumpily. Then he smiled and began to wag a finger in the air. “Oh wait… I get it. Yeah, I get it now! So, the First Order had a pretty decent bounty on my head, didn’t they?”

“Please don’t...” she murmured.

But he didn’t listen. Instead he rested his palms on his thighs and leaned forward towards her, albeit a little gingerly.

She tried glaring at him, willing him to stop. It was obvious that the smile on his face was just for show, sparks of dull pain flickering in his gaze.

“That bounty must have been a pretty decent size for a pilot like me, huh? What the Resistance could do with credits like that…”

Connix looked away and shook her head. “Stop…”

“Maybe you shopped me to the big F-O and you were looking forward to your pay-off. But I messed it up for you by escaping my execution and—”

“I said stop it, Poe! Stop talking about you being fragging executed!”

Her voice was so much sharper than she’d thought it would be. And suddenly she realized she was standing up. Her datapad was abandoned unceremoniously on the bed beside his hip, and the caf flask was rolling away across the floor.

But worse than all of that – so much worse – was the realization that his face was now in her hands, his parted lips only inches from her own as they stared at each other in stunned silence. Her gaze skittered shamefully away from his wide-open brown eyes. She could see a dark tendril of his curly hair, fallen over his forehead, moving in the soft current of her own breath.

Her hands left his skin as if they’d been burned. She moved quickly to pick up the flask from across the room, then she grabbed her datapad, sat down in the chair and stared at her lap.

What had she done? He was a commander, and she’d just raised her voice to him – expletive included – as well as calling him by his first name and making inappropriate bodily contact.

“Connix?” he said softly.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry. Please report this to General Organa. If you won’t, then I will. I’ve just been incredibly insubordinate to you and—”

“Hey,” he said – firmer this time – and she looked up at him. “You think I don’t know a thing or two about insubordination? That’s not what this is. All right?”

His gaze didn’t move from hers. After a tense few moments she nodded grudgingly when she realized he wouldn’t look away until she did.

“But I still need you to explain what the hell is going on,” he continued. “I may not have the Force, but I’m getting a very strong feeling I’ve done something to make you angry. I just have no idea what that thing is.”

Connix swallowed, mainly to try to keep her jaw from quivering. Then she took a careful breath. Maybe this was the “every now and then” Leia had meant.

“I don’t want you to make jokes about dying,” she murmured. “I don’t want you to ever say things like that… to me.” Then she added, after a second’s pause: “Commander.”

He said nothing – just looked at her with his palms laid squarely on his thighs. She refocused her attention on the datapad, and several more moments of silence passed.

“I’m sorry,” Poe said eventually.

She shook her head as she looked up at him. “Please, you don’t have to—”

“No, I do. It’s always been easier for me to deal with the chance that I might die by laughing about it. I guess I’ve always assumed it’s the same for everyone… But I can see that it’s not. Not for you.”

“It isn’t,” she said quietly, then she tried to explain. She owed him that much. “When your comms went out on Tuanul, knowing the First Order were right there – well, I thought you might be dead. Or that if you weren’t, you soon would be. And until Tallie told me you were here, I was scared to even hope that you might be alive. In case it wasn’t true. In case you…”

She glanced at him then, not wanting to say the rest of it out loud. And when she saw his face, the stunned look in his eyes made her want to cry.

“Anyway,” she said, tapping busily at her datapad in an effort to regain control of her emotions, “it doesn’t really matter what I think. The point is that you’re here now, Commander, and we have a debrief to do.”

After a moment or two, he responded. “We do. But before we start, Connix…?”

He said her name slowly, inflecting it as if it were a question. It made her look up at him again, and when she did, he smiled softly.

“It does matter what you think, and I’m glad you prefer me alive. You know, there’s a great joke I could make right there – possibly even two or three – but I’m not going to. Out of respect for your feelings. They’re kind of important, you know?”

She felt herself begin to smile as he looked at her. “Thank you, Commander.”

“No problem. One more thing before we start?”

“What?”

“That caf’s for me, right?” he asked, looking longingly at the flask she’d placed on the floor next to her chair.

She passed it over. “Of course it is. Double strength.”

His groan suggested he’d just found water in the desert. “Exactly how I like it,” he said, popping the lid open and inhaling the rich steam.

Connix smiled. “I know. What kind of mission comms officer would I be if I didn’t know my commander’s preferences?”

He took several grateful swallows and then sighed. Connix began the debrief, and as she recorded everything he had to say, she noticed he had unknowingly shuffled around on the bed and settled back against the pillows.

 

Thank you for reading! I would love to receive your kudos if you enjoyed this chapter 🙏🏼

Read on for Chapter Six . . .

Notes:

Image of Tallie Lintra from https://www.reddit.com/r/SWGalaxyOfHeroes/comments/asug25/tallissan_lintra_needs_to_be_in_swgoh/

Image of Kaydel Ko Connix and Leia Organa from https://www.elitedaily.com/p/what-is-billie-lourds-role-in-the-last-jedi-kaydel-ko-connix-will-be-back-7218368

Image of Leia Organa from https://www.starwars.com/news/lessons-from-the-star-wars-saga-hope

Image of Oscar Isaac from https://nathindrakes.tumblr.com/post/614552635022917632

Image of Billie Lourd as Kaydel Ko Connix from https://starwars.fandom.com/es/wiki/Kaydel_Ko_Connix

Chapter 7: Chapter Six

Notes:

The songs that accompany this chapter are STAY (Acoustic) by Adam Christopher and Dan Berk, and WHEN THE TIME COMES by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. Search "The General and the Lieutenant" on Spotify for the playlist!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

NOW – The Old Senate House, Hanna City, Chandrila

“Yes, you can contact me here with any future press enquiries,” Kaydel said into her transmission mike. “The Resistance will make no further comment at this time, and we have nothing more to say about the disappearance of Ben Solo. Thank you.”

Once the communiqué was closed she took off her headset. She’d forgotten that double buns made her head hurt after a while – especially when wearing comms equipment. She worked her fingers gently beneath the buns and massaged her scalp. The tension eased a little bit, but what she really wanted to do was just take them out.

Kaydel still wasn’t sure if it was silly to have gone back to wearing her old and somewhat regimented hairstyle. Poe, of course, had noticed the change straight away. Not only that, but he’d pointed it out pretty much as soon as he saw it.

Her honest thought when she’d brushed her hair that morning was that to leave it down, or to braid it long, would look deliberate. She knew he liked it like that, and she didn’t want to seem like she was teasing him… Surely double buns would solve that. But then why did they now make her feel like she’d gone too far in the other direction – like she was drawing even more attention to herself? What if he thought she was going back to the Kaydel she was before Poe?

All her feelings, her thoughts and her doubts were territory so uncharted they may as well have been wild space. It had really seemed like leaving Poe was the right thing to do, practically speaking... And even the right decision could feel wrong inside when it hurt so much – but did that mean it was just going to be tough going to begin with? Or did it mean she’d made the wrong decision, that they shouldn’t be apart?

Her holo-call with her parents earlier that morning had led to her spend almost the entire morning dwelling on the past. She’d relived so much of it already, as she simultaneously said all the right things to the enquiring minds on the other end of her headset. But rather than making any of her feelings clearer, taking a trip through her memories had only muddied the waters even further. If it was possible to confuse yourself in the midst of confusion – well, Kaydel had done it successfully.

She sighed and picked up her cup, finding it empty. Caf was a necessity, and she also needed to eat something so she could take one of the painkillers Dr Kalonia kept reminding her about.

Kaydel shuffled the papers on the desk in front of her. She’d been making notes about the people she’d spoken to, their questions, and what she’d said in reply, to make sure there was a clear line of information when it came to the press. She’d given everyone the same answers near enough, sticking to a clear and brief script. It hadn’t been all that hard to do, just a little repetitive.

As she tidied up her notes she found one sheet tucked under the rest – this one in handwriting other than her own. Pulling it out, she saw Poe’s angular scrawl. He must have written a few things down before she'd come in earlier that morning to take him downstairs to see his dad.

NOT Kylo Ren, his notes began. He had underlined the next part, written in scrappy, hurried capitals:

HIS NAME IS BEN SOLO.

She smiled and looked at what else he’d written. There were a couple of doodles of the Resistance starbird emblem, and then:

– Don’t ask if they have more Qs. Just cut them off.

– NO TALK OF VADER. AT ALL. NONE.

– Direct all Senate stuff to Tana.

– Check K took her meds. Ask Doc if she needs another scan??

Bittersweet emotion flittered through Kaydel. Still, he was thinking about her. Still, he was caring…

She put Poe’s handwritten page carefully beneath her own and angled them all into a neat pile. Then, after a second’s thought, she took the bottom sheet out again and wrote one more thing.

Even in the midst of her uncertainty, she felt comforted by Poe’s reminder to himself to check on her. She appeared to be on his mind even after the decision she’d made. Even while he and Finn shouldered the massive burden of dealing with the public response to everything the Resistance had been involved with recently. And yet Poe was still concerned about whether she was looking after herself. If she was OK.

With the papers back in place, Kaydel threw all caution and confusion to the wind and began to undo the double buns. She’d tie it all up in one high bun instead. Split the difference.

She worked her fingers through the left side of her hair as it came down, the dull ache immediately easing from her temples and the back of her neck. Then she unwound the band from the second bun. Pushing both hands through her fully loosened hair, she began to gather it into a high ponytail that could be twisted up on itself. Heading for the comms-room door, she pointed her right elbow at the wall-pad to open it, but as she did so the door swished open by request from the other side.

Poe.

“Oh… hey,” he said, coming to a quick stop in front of her. His gaze ran over her hair for one or two brief seconds before coming back to her face.

“Hi,” she replied, quickly securing her hair into the bun. “I’ve reached a break in the comms, so I was just going to get some food.”

“Good. I was wondering whether you’d eaten. You want me to go get something for you?”

“No, thank you. I could do with the walk.”

He nodded, but didn’t say anything. Just stood there with his hands on his hips before moving to the side to let her pass.

“How about you?” she asked quietly. “Is everything OK with your dad?”

Poe rubbed a thumb over one of his eyebrows. “It’s, uh… strange. Nice, but strange.” Then he looked at her again. “Did you know he was coming?”

“No,” she said, surprised that he would think that. “I saw a shuttle pull up and went to see who it was. He introduced himself straight away – but I thought he might be your dad as soon as I saw him.”

“Don’t tell me it’s the hair.” Poe's eyes widened. “I’m not going grey just yet.”

She laughed softly. “No. It’s the smile, and the eyes. He does the same gazing-far-off-into-the-distance thing as you.”

Poe frowned quizzically. “I do that? When?”

She shrugged one shoulder. “When you’re concentrating. Making a plan, or busy thinking about something. When you’re—”

He blinked after her words ran quiet. “When I’m what?”

“Nothing,” she replied quickly. She couldn’t say that Poe sometimes looked that way when he was thinking about kissing her. “You just do. Anyway, I’ll be back in a few minutes. There shouldn’t be any more comms coming in until I get back.”

“I’ve got some time,” he said. “I’ll take care of any if they do. Chewie’s moving his stuff into Ben’s old room and the minute my dad saw him he pretty much forgot I was there. Thought I’d come up here, see how things are going... with you.”

“Thank you,” she said simply.

He just gave her a nod as she disappeared down the corridor to the stairwell.

~

Poe walked over to the desk and looked at the notes Kaydel had made about the media communiqués. They were much more precise than his own, which he began to look for so he could throw it away – it would be completely useless to her.

When he found it, he saw a short line of her neatly looped handwriting near the bottom of the page. Beneath his reminder to himself about whether she'd taken her meds, she’d written:

Took them this morning. Going to take another once I have food.

He smiled and picked up a pen. Once he’d replied – Glad to hear it, but I’m still asking Doc about that scan – he put the sheet back at the bottom of the pile and looked at her notes. She’d ploughed through a hell of a lot of comms already, and that made his life so much easier. There was nothing he wanted to do less than to spend time explaining himself to people whose opinions he didn’t care about. He was well aware that she was doing both himself and Finn a huge favour by taking care of it.

Beside the pile of notes lay one of her hair bands. He sat down in the chair and stretched it around his fingertips. Looked like the double buns had already come and gone.

Does that mean anything? he thought to himself. But the wondering was pointless. Kaydel wasn’t the type to communicate via hairstyle, and he knew it. If she felt something, she’d come out and say it. And even if she didn’t, he was confident he could read it in those beautiful brown eyes of hers.

She had said the style was because she was trying to be practical, and he could believe that. Because the last time he could remember her wearing double buns was…

~

THEN (34 ABY, during the events of “The Last Jedi”)

On board the Raddus, Oetchi System

“That spark – this Resistance – must survive,” Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo said solemnly. “That is our mission. Now to your stations, and may the Force be with us.”

Crew members got to their feet, or turned to go back to their duties. Their new leader had been clear on what they were all supposed to do next – or had she? Poe, for one, didn’t feel comforted or reassured. This Holdo lady had said what sounded like all the right things, threw in a few inspiring lines, sure – but had she given anyone a clear direction? A star-map out of this mess?

Poe had heard of Amilyn Holdo, but he’d never met her. He remembered seeing her briefly on D’Qar, in close conversation with Leia, but that was the extent of it. The Vice Admiral spent most of her time doing off-planet Resistance work, so to most people she was an unknown quantity. And now that Leia was unable to lead, they were all supposed to follow orders from someone they didn’t know all that well, and who wasn’t being all that forthcoming about her plans. Poe didn’t feel right about it – and it looked he might not be the only one.

Some of the crew members had come aboard the Raddus from Holdo’s command ship, the Ninka, and he guessed they had a better measure of her. But the rest of the crew? To Poe, they seemed on edge. Facial expressions grew more and more wary. Eyes darted, full of concern and jangling nervousness. Some conversations were hushed, almost as if they might be deemed illicit. And some people just looked full-blown scared…

Kaydel Ko Connix was a prime example. As the crew dispersed and Holdo returned to the bridge, Poe glanced to his right and saw Connix sitting on the steps just a short distance away. Her hands were resting on her knees, and she hadn’t yet followed the Admiral’s command to carry on. Instead she was staring at the floor, her eyes wide, her brow furrowed. Poe wanted to say something reassuring, but there wasn’t time just then.

Instead he turned to C’ai Threnalli and clarified Holdo’s naval record, so he could shore up what he thought he knew about her before making his approach. He had to try and get her to reveal a little more of her plan so he could reassure the others. Anything at all.

~

Later on, while Rose and Finn went to find a small and unobtrusive shuttle in which they could jettison themselves from the Raddus, Poe went to find the one person their plan would not work without: Connix.

He found her on the bridge, monitoring a radar map and still looking as desolate as before. He walked over to her, his eyes scanning the faces of the other crew members, then came to a stop by her radar board. “How we looking?” he asked.

“Same as before, Commander,” she answered, “only with less fuel.”

“How far out is the Supremacy?”

Her hand rose to zero in on the board settings, but as she did, he reached across her and altered the specs himself. The move brought him right up close to her, and before she could lean away, he whispered: “Cleaning closet, two minutes.”

She gasped a little, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye.

Then he stepped back and said loudly: “So the moof-milkers are maintaining distance. Good for them.” Looking directly at her, he nodded ever so slightly and walked away.

The requested two minutes later, Poe was waiting in the poky closet down the corridor and really hoping Connix would show up. She seemed just as dismayed by the turn of events as he was, and if Rose and Finn were to have any chance of getting off the Raddus undetected so they could find Maz’s master codebreaker, they needed Connix to disguise their departure from the Vice Admiral.

Poe was just checking his chrono when the door creaked open and Connix crept through the gap. He breathed a sigh of relief, reaching up over her head to push the door shut. He tried to make as much room for her as possible – not that there was a whole lot of space to play with among the buckets and containers.

She wrinkled her nose. “Oh man, it stinks in here. That doesn’t make sense.”

“Yeah, nor does this,” Poe replied quickly, hands on his hips. “Connix, I need your help.”

She met his eyes with immediate confidence. “What can I do?”

“I’ve been talking to Finn and— Do you know Rose Tico?”

Connix nodded. “Yeah, from D’Qar. She’s part of Cobalt Squadron.”

“OK, good. Well, between the three of us, we’ve come up with a plan.”

Her eyes squeezed shut for a moment. “Thank the Force for that… Because I don’t know how we’re meant to get through this, Commander. We’ve only got so much fuel, the smaller ships and the medical frigate are falling behind – and we don’t even know where we’re going. We managed to evacuate D’Qar but the skin of our teeth and it’s—” Connix took a really fast breath before continuing, spots of colour rising on her cheeks. “It’s almost like she’s prepared to sacrifice crew for a plan we don’t even know about. Surely it’s only a matter of time before...”

“Hey, hey…” Poe soothed, taking what he hoped was a reassuring hold of Connix’s upper arms and rubbing his thumbs over her shirtsleeves. “You did an excellent job clearing D’Qar. That has not gone unnoticed by me, even if it has by Holdo. But it’s going to be OK. Like I said, we’ve got an idea. I don’t have time to go into it now, but if someone can get to the Supremacy we can temporarily shut down the hyperspace tracker. That gives us a small window to escape without them following us, but—”

“Someone’s got to get on-board,” Connix finished.

“Exactly.” He nodded.

You’re going to do it?” she asked, her eyes wide. “Commander, forgive me, but it wasn’t all that long ago that you escaped from the Finalizer and what they did… What happened to you on there. Are you sure you’d want to go back after—”

“I won’t be the one to do it,” he said, sounding somewhat disappointed. “Finn and Rose will go, and once they’ve done their part then I’ll make the jump. But I need you to cover their exit. Holdo can’t know they’re taking a shuttle, and I don’t want her knowing anything about what we’re doing.”

But Connix was already nodding as she looked up at him. “Got it. I’m in.”

Poe smiled and squeezed her upper arms before letting go. “Good. Thought you would be.”

“I’m in because I don’t like this, Commander,” she admitted, “and I could tell you don’t either. I respect the Admiral, but this doesn’t feel right. She’s not telling us anything. General Organa would never keep us in the dark like this, especially not in such a desperate time. We can’t just chug through space and hope for rescue. We’re running out of time and it’s only a matter of hours before they start picking us off like bugs.”

“I know,” he said, his voice low and calm. “I know. But we can make this work. I just need you to cover Finn and Rose so they can get that shuttle out of here.”

“Consider it done – and I should get back before anyone sees me missing. You’ll give me a signal?” she asked, turning to leave and stepping awkwardly over a bucket.

“I’ll come stand in the corridor, right in your sight-line, once the shuttle’s prepped for launch.” He cleared his throat. “But there’s, uh… There’s one other thing, Connix.”

She looked back at him. “What is it? Something else I can do?”

“Maybe. Look, it might come to the point where I need to take the bridge,” he said seriously. “Technically speaking, it’ll be mutiny. A treasonous act. If I have to do that...”

“Then I’ll join you. I believe in you. You’d never mislead us, and you’d give us the full picture of things – even if it wasn’t a good one. I’m right beside you, Commander Dameron.”

For the next couple of seconds he didn’t really know what to say. After Finn, Rose, C’ai Threnalli and transport pilot Nodin Chavdri, Connix was the fifth person who’d agreed to join him. Everyone who was in on this was risking demotion, or possibly something more serious than that – especially if, for whatever reason, the plan didn’t work. He did not, and would never, take that trust lightly.

“Thank you, Officer Connix,” he said, with meaning.

“It’s Lieutenant, actually. I got promoted.”

“Of course you did,” he said, closing his eyes for a second. “I’m sorry, I forgot.”

“Well, I’m a lieutenant for now, at least. Better take every opportunity to use the rank while I still have it,” she joked dryly.

Poe smiled as she disappeared out of the closet door. He waited for a few moments to pass and then followed her out. A crewmember standing in the corridor caught Poe’s eye and winked, raising his eyebrows.

"Oh hey, Joe. No, that's not..." Poe began. Then, deciding it was safer to run with the assumption, he put a finger to his lips. "Between you and me, huh, pal?"

Joe grinned. "Sure thing, Commander."

“I’ll apologize to her for that later,” Poe muttered to himself, and hurried away to find Finn and Rose.

When the shuttle rocketed out of one of the Raddus’s evacuation tunnels a little while later, Poe’s nerves were firing on all cylinders. Holdo, of course, was the first to notice the blip on the radar and she commented on it straight away. Poe watched as Lieutenant Kaydel Ko Connix smoothly assuaged the Vice Admiral’s concerns with a simple yet confident answer. Holdo turned to another task, and Connix looked at Poe in a way that confirmed what he already knew – she was all in.

 

Thank you for reading! I would love to receive your kudos if you enjoyed this chapter.

Keep an eye out for Chapter Seven on Friday 8th April!

Notes:

Image of Kaydel Ko Connix from https://www.pinterest.co.uk/eraepsekahs1564/lieutenant-connix/

GIF of Poe Dameron (in shirt) from https://youwerenevermeanttofeelalone.tumblr.com/

GIF of Poe Dameron (in flightsuit) from https://66.media.tumblr.com/

Image of Vice Admiral Holdo from https://star-wars-canon.fandom.com/wiki/Amilyn_Holdo

GIF of Poe, Kaydel and crew from https://userpoe.tumblr.com/post/650643934548246528/poe-glancing-over-to-check-on-kaydel-tho

GIF of Poe and Kaydel from www.instagram.com/jessicafisherwriter

Chapter 8: Chapter Seven

Notes:

The songs that accompany this chapter are UP IN FLAMES by Coldplay, and SO FAR AWAY by Carole King. Search "The General and the Lieutenant" on Spotify for the playlist!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

NOW – The Old Senate House, Hanna City, Chandrila

Poe ran his hand over his jaw as he thought back to that whole mess on-board the Raddus. As it turned out, his hastily concocted plan had risked a hell of a lot of lives – and the careers and reputations of his co-conspirators.

Sure, it might have worked… But at what cost?

The most important thing about it all wasn’t the damage done to his ego, but that the few remaining members of the Resistance had made it to Crait. And thanks to Rey and Chewie, they were then spirited away on the Millennium Falcon by the skin of their teeth.

He’d never forgotten the look on Kaydel’s face in that tiny closet aboard the doomed starship. The tumult of emotions she couldn’t hide from him as they were pursued through space by a murderous dreadnought. The way her eyes had looked up into his as she asked for a plan, only to find him with one ready, throwing herself into it the minute she heard it.

If there was one thing he’d learned about her in that moment, it was that Kaydel Ko Connix was all or nothing. No half measures, no pretence. She was always brave enough to try, and would do whatever it took to try to find a better way…

But in the here and now, something had scared her enough to make her retreat. Her conviction that she’d failed the Resistance over these last few weeks had driven an almighty barrier between them – and how could he change her mind about that?

Accepting no for an answer wasn’t really in Poe Dameron’s genetic make-up, but this wasn’t just some mission spec he could alter to get things done his way. When it came to her… Well, he couldn’t exercise his usual preference for finding any old shortcut that suited him better.

Poe dropped Kaydel’s forgotten hair band on the pile of notes and stared at it mindlessly.

He wanted her back.

Those old wonderings about her that had a habit of crossing his mind every now and then – he knew what they felt like now. He knew what it was to feel her eyes on him across a room. Her warmth beside him in the still of the night. The feeling of waking up with her. The knowledge that his entire heart lay in the palm of her hand…

Yeah. He’d thought about all those things for longer than he’d been willing to admit.

Like most people, they’d become friends quickly during their time working together on D’Qar. But once the Resistance had come up against the First Order full bore, time sped up and the dangers and risks just kept on mounting. Most of the time there wasn’t enough space to stop and think – no time for anyone to rest their body, let alone their worried mind. Everybody went on autopilot. They did whatever they could to fight, to weaken the opposition. To rally troops across the galaxy, wherever they might be. Resistance work filled every minute of every day.

Once they’d reached Ajan Kloss, Connix had been busy setting up the base and Poe had rarely been on the ground at all. He was constantly out in the galaxy trying to stamp out First Order fires on worlds that didn’t have the wherewithal to fight back. When he did get back to base, she was busy, he was busy… The survival of the Resistance had become their every breath.

Then had come the chilling revelation about Palpatine, and Poe had been away again on the trail of the Sith wayfinder. By the time he returned, it was to find they’d lost the greatest leader they’d ever had.

Part of him was glad he hadn’t been there when it happened. He felt ashamed about that, but only because he didn’t know how he would have handled it. Judging by what Rose had told him once they returned from Kef Bir, Leia – never the same after that explosion on the Raddus – had weakened as soon as she’d felt a disturbance across the Force. And Poe knew it had been Kaydel who’d led her away to rest. Kaydel who, along with R2-D2, had kept a solemn watch over their leader.

~

THEN (35 ABY, during the events of “The Rise of Skywalker”)

Ajan Kloss

Poe had never heard the jungle so quiet. The birds were still there, as were the endlessly clacking bugs, and the trees that wavered and whooshed in the breeze. Welding and fixing continued apace as crews of techs did their best to strengthen what little fleet the Resistance had left.

But everyone was just… hushed. Stunned. In disbelief. Collectively, they were mourning, even though everyone knew there was just no time in which to do it.

This was his worst moment, he realized, as he paced further out into the jungle, away from the base buildings. The worst, in fact, since his mother had died.

Lately it had felt like hit after hit. The news of Palpatine’s return. Arguing with Finn. Rey disappearing on them – presumably with Kylo Ren – and then coming home to find out that Leia had… That Leia was gone. And now the news that the Final Order’s inconceivably large fleet were massing to take control of the galaxy.

Poe was reeling. People kept turning to him, looking for somebody to believe in. Looking for an answer. And right now, he didn’t have one.

He had no idea what else they could do, and he didn’t know if he could be that person: the one to lead the way. Nobody had responded when the Resistance had asked the galaxy for help at Crait – when Leia had asked for help. Why would anyone answer for him now, if they hadn’t answered for her then?

He kicked at a fallen tree limb as he disappeared further and further down the path, the weak light of his torch showing him the way to— Well, he didn’t even know where.

Just not here, he thought.

“H-hello…?”

He stopped. A small yet familiar voice, off to his left, apparently startled by his movements.

“Connix?”

“Commander?”

He lifted the torch-beam and saw her sitting just off the path, on the stump of a huge tree that must have fallen many years ago. She lifted her arm to cover her eyes as the light hit her face.

“Sorry.” He pointed the beam at the ground and stepped through the undergrowth towards her. “Didn’t know anyone was out here.”

“I haven’t been here long,” she said. “But I need to get back. There are things to do, things I should…”

She just went quiet, and stared into the darkness.

“Are you OK?” Poe ventured.

He was totally unprepared for the expression on her face when she lifted her gaze to his. Her eyes brimmed with large, glassy tears; one or two of them fell as she took a helplessly loud breath.

Poe sat down on the tree stump next to her. Placing the torch on the soft forest floor in front of them, he put his arm around her trembling shoulders. “I don’t know why I bothered to ask that,” he said.

She sniffed, rubbing the back of her wrist across her cheek. “I’m sorry. I just need to get it out of my system, then I can get on with my duties.”

“You’re not a machine, Connix. Nobody expects you to parcel out this grief into a neat two-minute time-slot and then carry on as normal.”

Isn’t that what you do? he thought to himself. Ignore it and move on? Get back to business?

“I know, but there’s too much to do,” Connix replied, her breath shaky. “Leia always carried on as normal. She— she would want us…”

But Connix couldn’t complete the sentence. Her sobs took over. They were soft, and they broke little pieces off the shape of Poe’s heart.

He knew he wasn’t the only one who sometimes saw Leia as a mother figure. He suspected Connix had too. And what was more, Rose had said that Connix had been there, at the end.

“Leia would understand exactly what you’re feeling,” he said. “Sometimes we forget how much loss she went through. It’s normal to feel torn up inside about it, especially if you were with her when she…”

His voice trailed off. He couldn’t say the word “died”.

“But I wasn’t,” Connix whispered, glancing at him briefly. “I wasn’t with her.”

Poe blinked. “I thought Rose said—”

“No.” Connix shook her head. “I took her away from the command area so she could rest, and I sat with her. She didn’t say much. Her eyes were closed most of the time, so I just… I just held her hand.”

Poe pulled her a little closer, rubbing her shoulder in slow circles. And he listened.

“She began to stir after a little while. Said the name ‘Ben’. After that she opened her eyes, and when she turned to look at me, she… She looked really scared. Like she was frightened, and alone.”

Poe swallowed, his throat almost rigid with grief.

“I didn’t know what to do,” Connix continued, “so I asked her if she wanted some water. She nodded and gave me this little… this little smile. I told Artoo I’d be back, and I went to get her a drink.”

Suddenly Connix sat up straight and turned to Poe. His arm fell from her shoulder, sliding down her back.

He froze. The look on her face was one of utter devastation.

“Poe, when I came back she was already gone. I’d left her all alone and then—”

Connix’s face creased into grief as her tears fell anew.

“Hey…” he soothed, even as he could feel his own sorrow trying to pull him down into the depths. Without thinking, he began to smooth away her tears with the pad of his thumb. “She wasn’t alone. Artoo was with her – and he was with her almost her whole life, wasn’t he? You know she never underestimated a droid,” he said, trying to lighten the atmosphere with an honest observation about the Leia they knew. The Leia they loved.

Connix’s breath hitched on a tiny smile as another tear fell. But then that smile was gone.

“I still shouldn’t have left her, Poe. I should have stayed with her and then she wouldn’t have been… so alone.”

Connix didn’t seem to notice she’d been calling him by his first name, and he said nothing about it. In this moment, it felt right. In this moment, she seemed to need it – and maybe he did too.

He drew her towards him again, his arm closing tight around her. As she came closer her cheek nestled softly against his shoulder. The birds continued to sing and the breeze continued to move through the trees while they sat together. No words were spoken. They didn’t really need to be. Poe rubbed Connix’s arm, feeling her warm breath – even inhales and exhales – just inside the collar of his shirt. He told her it was all right. Whatever happened next, it would be all right.

When they stood to go back to base, Poe’s collar was damp from her tears and the quiet few moments they’d shared had changed. The real world – everything they were facing – surrounded them again, its threat tainting the air like poison.

“I’ll get back now,” Connix said quietly, seemingly unable to look him directly in the eye. “Thank you for listening, Command— I mean, General.”

His jaw tightened at the reminder of his new rank. She was depending on him; they were all depending on him. He had to make a plan, and fast. There was very little time left, and before long they’d have no time at all.

“Any time, Connix. You know that.”

She did look up at him then. When he held her gaze she appeared to think about something. Taking a step closer, she spoke softly.

“Maybe you could sit with her. I did, for a little while. She radiates peace, even though she’s… she’s inside the Force now. If you feel like you need her strength, or if you need some answers…” Connix lifted one shoulder a little. “I don’t know. I just feel like she’s still with us, even though she’s gone.”

Poe said nothing. He couldn’t. Instead, he nodded and looked away. Connix, seemingly sensing his inability to talk just then – maybe even his need to be alone in this moment – bid him a quiet goodbye and disappeared through the trees back to base.

Once he couldn’t hear Connix’s footsteps any more, he sat down on the tree stump again. Her words had unlocked the floodgates on his own grief. Putting his head in his hands, he gave himself one minute – and one minute only – to feel it. The pain, the sorrow, the loss.

He felt the tears rising, though they wouldn’t flow and he didn’t know why…

Once the minute was up, Poe stood. He felt drained, but a little more lucid. And so he picked up his torch, and went to say goodbye to the strongest woman he’d ever had the fortune to know.

 

Thank you for reading! I would love to receive your kudos if you enjoyed this chapter!

Keep an eye out for Chapter Eight on Friday 15th April

 

Notes:

GIF of the Resistance escape from Crait from https://makeagif.com/gif/star-wars-the-last-jedi-rey-lifts-rocks-scene-rey-meets-finn-B2RKdM

GIF of Billie Lourd from https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/852095191994271367/

Image of Leia Organa from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkOGPyTkLmc

Charcoal portrait of Oscar Isaac as Poe Dameron from artist Lisa Zaman at https://www.instagram.com/lisazamanart/

Chapter 9: Chapter Eight

Notes:

The song that accompanies this chapter is YOU AND ME (Clubhouse Version 2007) by Tom Petty. Search "The General and the Lieutenant" on Spotify for the playlist!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

NOW  – The Old Senate House, Hanna City, Chandrila

Sometimes Poe couldn’t believe the Resistance had survived without Leia. Then again, she always said the strength lay with the people: those who were willing to stand up, to make their voices heard, to fight for what was right. Her belief in the spark of hope that burned out there in the galaxy was so much a part of who she was. And, as with most things, she’d been right about it all along. It was why the Resistance was still here. 

Poe stood up and walked across the comms room to the window. Looking out at the gardens and the sloping view that stretched down to the Silver Sea, he could see his friends and colleagues dotted around. They were getting on with their tasks, carrying on with life. The galaxy went on. People went on – even after they’d lost something important to them.

He turned as the door swished open. Connix came in, a cup of caf in each hand and a bag of food tucked beneath her arm. He moved across the room and took the drinks from her.

“Thanks,” she said, putting the bag on the desk. “One of those cafs is for you, obviously. Do you want some food? I got two stack sandwiches, just in case.”

He liked the fact that she’d thought about him. And while he wasn’t all that hungry, he decided to take the sandwich anyway. 

“Thanks,” he said, as she opened the bag and took out one of the wrapped packages. “I’ll take it with me.”

“You’re leaving?” She looked up, and he tried very hard to work out whether she looked sad about that.

“Yeah, I’ve got to catch up with Finn down at the academy grounds, see how everyone’s feeling. I’m sure there are questions being asked about… everything.”

“Of course,” she said after a moment.

“Did you need me to stay?”

She didn’t reply for a few seconds. Just looked at him.

Tell me you didn’t mean it, he thought. Tell me you’ve changed your mind, that you do need me…

“I’ll be OK,” she said quietly. She pulled a small leather pouch from the top pocket of her shirt and held it up for him to see. “Got my meds, got some food and a caf. So I’m good to go for the rest of the afternoon.”

He swallowed down his disappointment. His question had clearly been about work, about the comms she was taking care of, but they both knew there had been something unspoken beneath it.

At least, Poe knew that. Maybe she didn’t. Maybe, for her, it really was over, and he should stop trying to guess what she was thinking.

He held up his wrapped sandwich. “Thank you for this.”

“You’re welcome.”

He turned when he got to the doorway. She had put her headset back on and was watching him.

“See you later, Kay.”

Her soft smile faltered as she spoke. “See you later, Poe.”

As he turned away from the comms room he heard her take the first of the afternoon’s media calls. She sounded so calm and confident. Did she even know that? He walked away, every note of her voice searing through his soul and leaving warmth in its wake – just as it had done so many times before, when he’d needed it the most.

~

THEN (35 ABY, between Chapters 31 and 32 of “Ben Solo: The Way Home”)

Ajan Kloss

The camp beds had seemed like a good idea at the time, but at this hour of night Poe was regretting it. Once the rest of the base had been packed up and almost everybody safely en route to Chandrila, it made sense for him and the others to sleep in the hangar with the last boxes of cargo. That way they could make a quick departure first thing on the Falcon, with no packing left to do. 

But as he shifted on the thin mattress and its creaky frame, trying not to disturb the others – all of whom appeared to be happily asleep – Poe wished he’d stayed in his own quarters. Normally he could sleep anywhere, but this pop-up bunk was something else…

He was about to get up when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye. Turning his head, he saw Connix leave her own camp bed and walk stealthily across the cavernous hangar. Her white top flashed in the darkness as she moved through the door to the makeshift galley kitchen which, in turn, led to the comms building.

Looked like he wasn’t the only one who couldn’t sleep.

Poe didn’t know how she’d managed to get up so quietly. When he tried to do the same, the creaks seemed to get louder the more cautiously he moved. Giving up, he swore under his breath and got up as fast as possible. The result was one very loud groan from the mecha-springs beneath the mattress. He froze in place, in his T-shirt and khakis, waiting to see if he’d woken Finn, Rose or Beaumont – but they didn’t stir and BB-8 continued to drowse at the charging point.

Poe moved across the echoey space, the hardcore cold beneath his bare feet. He disappeared through the door after Connix. She was standing at the far end of the galley kitchen, tightening her ponytail as she waited for some hot water to brew. 

“Please tell me you’re making caf,” he whispered in the darkness.

She jumped, muttering a string of expletives, and dropped a spoon on the floor with a loud clatter.

“What the hell, Poe?” she responded, bending to pick up the spoon.

He suddenly realized that although she too was wearing khakis, the white top that was so visible in the dark looked like it might be her underclothes... It had thin straps, one of which had fallen down her left shoulder, and as she stood up with the errant spoon in hand, he realized the tank was cropped. Suddenly he could see several inches of her bare abdomen above her waistband.

He paused, quickly evaluating his presence in front of her here. In this small room. In the middle of the night. Alone. During those few seconds, however, she had looped the strap back up on to her shoulder with one finger and was now shaking her head at him, a smile on her face.

Don’t worry about it. Underclothes or not, it looks like it’s fine, he said to himself.

“Sorry,” he laughed quietly, moving across the floor towards her.

She placed a hand on her chest. “You really scared me!”

“I didn’t mean to. Anyway, how’d you get off that cot so quietly? Mine could’ve set off an audio-sensor if any of them were still functioning around here. And how are you making a drink? Did the power come back on?”

“I’m going old school and using a compact flame-burner.” She moved to one side so he could see, pointing at the tiny packable piece of field kit. It produced one solid flame, above which she was boiling a small pot of water. “The power’s still totally dead after it blew earlier on.” 

“So you are making caf?”

“Oh sorry – no,” she replied, turning to look at him over her shoulder. “I’d like to get a little more sleep before morning, so I was making some honeyfruit tea. Do you want some?”

“Whatever that is sounds delicious, so yes. Where’d you get it?”

“Ah,” she said quietly, “that’s a trade secret…”

He watched as she took some dried fruit nibs from a small packet on the side and stirred them into the pot of hot water. Then she took it off the burner and poured the steaming liquid into two cups. 

“What kind of trade is that then, Lieutenant?” he asked, leaning on the small counter beside her. “You smuggling? Got some sort of side-gig going on?”

“No,” she said, eyeing him with an amused smile. “It’s what’s left from the stash my mom gave me when I left Dulathia. I’m hoping to find some more when we get to Chandrila, because after all this time I’ve nearly run out.”

He stood up straight. “Ah, Connix, you shouldn’t have wasted it on me. If that’s something special from home, then—”

She handed him a cup, ignoring his plea. “It’s tea, Poe, not a family inheritance. Just drink it.”

“You sure?” he said, following her through to the comms room.

“I’m sure. You’ve been missing out if you’ve never tried honeyfruit.”

“Can’t say I have,” he replied as they sat down by the console. They could speak above a whisper now they were two doors removed from the hangar where the others were sleeping. “We had all kinds of stuff growing on the ranch back on Yavin when I was a kid, but I didn’t always pay attention to what it was. I suppose I might have had honeyfruit back then.”

                    

Connix sipped her tea. “Do you miss it?” she asked, with gentle undisguised curiosity. “I guess that quick visit you had during the Tuanul mission wasn’t exactly a family visitation…”

Poe exhaled. “Not exactly. My dad wasn’t even at the ranch at the time, so unless Leia told him about it afterwards, he’d never know I was there. It was all timed pretty well – or not well at all, depending on how you look at it.”

He took a mouthful of the tea. It was rich and sweet, like nectar edged with soft stoned fruits. His satisfied sigh was instantaneous.

Connix smiled. “You like it?”

“It might not be caf, but this is some good stuff. If you can’t find any on Chandrila then maybe we’ll take a swing past Dulathia so you can stock up,” he replied, drinking some more.

She smiled, and then he noticed her shiver just a touch.

“Are you cold?”

“Here, in humidity central? Never,” she said, bending down to rub her feet. “But this hardcore is pretty unforgiving. I should’ve put my boots on.”

Poe looked down at his own bare feet. They did feel cold now he thought about it – but hers were so much smaller, so she must be feeling it more. Before he could debate the wisdom of the move, he scooted his chair a little closer. Then he bent down, took both her feet in his hands, and tucked them gently beneath the side of his leg.

“There. Don’t say I’m not thoughtful. I am literally lending you my body heat.”

“And I’m grateful for it,” was all she said, her voice smooth in the darkness as she lightly wiggled her toes beneath him.

He took another drink of his tea, wondering when he’d started paying attention to the way her voice sounded. But he knew the answer to that. He’d just never shared it.

“Speaking of Tuanul, there’s something I never told you, Connix,” he began a little hesitantly. “I don’t know if I should say it and you might not even want to hear it, because… Well, it sounds kind of weird.”

He hesitated, looking at her.

She didn’t seem put off by this statement. Instead she seemed intrigued, because she leaned forward a little, her toes moving just a little further beneath his thigh. “Describing it as ‘kind of weird’ only makes me want to hear it even more. You can’t not say it now.”

He grinned and looked away for a second. But when he looked back at her his smile faded. He wanted to make sure he said this right.

“You mentioning Tuanul reminded me of something. You weren’t on comms when I finally got back to Yavin and took off in Black One to come home – and that felt really strange to me.”

“I think I got forced off shift by Peazy just before you came back online,” she said. “I went straight to the bunks and crashed. They must have decided to let me sleep while you were on your way back, because Tallie only woke me once you’d landed. But I…” She looked down and ran her finger around the rim of her cup. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’ve always felt like I should’ve been.” 

“Don’t be,” he responded. “I’m sure you needed the rest. But I guess what I want to tell you is… Look, there were a lot of times when I was out on missions that I looked forward to checking in with HQ. Not because it was part of the job, but because I liked hearing…”

He trailed off, rubbing his stubbled jaw with an unusually nervous hand. Should he really be saying any of this?

“You can tell me,” she said encouragingly. Then, with a certain type of smile he hadn’t seen before, she added, “Especially if it means you carry on rubbing my ankles while you talk...”

He followed her gaze down to the side of his legs. Unknowingly, while talking, he had put one hand on her ankles. While her toes warmed beneath him, his fingers had decided to massage her ankles too. Just to keep her warm, that’s all, he thought.

When he glanced up at her, he saw a mysterious little smile that told him to carry on. With all of it. So his fingers continued moving somewhat cautiously over her skin, and he said what he’d wanted to say.

“I always liked hearing your voice on comms. And I missed you when you weren’t there.”

She blinked. Poe took a breath, saying the rest of it as fast as he could.

“Out there in deep space it gets very quiet. Sometimes those journeys out take a hell of a long time – and when I’m flying alone, just me and Bee-Bee-Ate, I can go hours without hearing anybody. On D’Qar it always felt like… Like when I commed base, it was always you on the other end of the line.”

She raised her eyebrows – not in any kind of surprise, it seemed, but in some form of acknowledgement.

“I guess it was. I mean, I took any shift I could get. The other operators seemed lightyears ahead of me in their knowledge, their skill, their speed... I figured the only way I could catch up was by working as much as possible. I took any extra rotations that were going on top of my assigned slots. A lot of those ended up being on the night shift.”

Poe watched her take another sip of tea. “That makes sense. I knew sometimes when I checked in, it would’ve been the early hours back on D’Qar. Didn’t you ever get tired, working night and day shifts?”

“Yeah, but I’ve mastered the art of falling asleep like that.” She snapped her fingers. “Any time I mustered out of rotation and went back to my quarters, I just slept. Sometimes I went for a walk, but basically I took every opportunity I had to sleep.”

He smiled. “Did Leia know about the extra shifts? I’m pretty sure there was a limit on how many you were supposed to do.”

“There was, but I always came in under the bar. I never went over. If I did, I would’ve been put on light duties for four days and I didn’t want to waste that time.” Then she smiled at him again, and poked his thigh with her toes. “Besides, every time I was on shift with you I learned more than I did with any other team.”

“From me?” he repeated, genuinely surprised.

“Yes. I’d listen to you and Bee-Bee-Ate, and I’d note down the sort of things you asked him to check. I learned how you worked together, what he could do that you couldn’t, how you anticipate the other’s actions. It gave me a lot of insight into how pilots and droids worked as a team. Well – that and your dirty language.”

He grinned. “Yeah, sorry about that… Sometimes I forget the channels are monitored.”

She returned his smile affectionately. “It’s fine. I liked learning new insults – especially hyperspace-related ones.”

“Well, I do want to thank you, Connix. Like I said, sometimes it’s just too quiet out there, and I always liked you being that voice in my cockpit.” His tone softened then, and he said the next part before he could think. “I hope this doesn’t sound weird, but I always liked having a woman’s voice guide me home.”

Your voice, was the part he left unspoken.

And then there was silence. She blinked, saying nothing in response. 

Great fragging job, Poe… he thought to himself, gritting his jaw. His hand grew still on her ankles, but just before that he rubbed one thumb very gently across her skin, where a tiny freckle was just visible. Then he took his hand away and crossed his arms.

“So, uh… I guess we should get some rest,” he mumbled.

When he looked at her she was completely still, except for the subtle rise and fall of her shoulders as she breathed through slightly parted lips.

She nodded, holding his gaze. “Yeah. I guess we should.”

Then she slowly withdrew her feet from beneath his leg and they both stood up.

“Listen, Connix, I’m sorry if—”

“Don’t be.”

She stepped closer. Took his hand in hers, her fingers tightening around his for a few moments. 

“Thank you for telling me. I know it’s just my job, and I can only ever hope to do it well – but it really means a lot to me, what you just said.”

                    

“Well, that’s… That’s OK then.”

But he still felt unsure about his decision to say it. And putting his hands on her legs too – what the hell had he been thinking? 

She held his gaze for a second, frowning a little as if she was debating something with herself. Then she took another small step towards him, their joined hands brushing against the side of his leg. Leaning forward, she kissed him on the cheek. Soft, and quick.

He didn’t breathe through any of it.

“You should know that I like being the voice in your cockpit,” she murmured. “I always have.”

He didn’t have a response. None at all. Instead he just let go of her hand, watched her pick up her cup and head for the door.

She turned and glanced at him over her shoulder, a small smile on her lips. “Goodnight, General,” she whispered.

“Goodnight, Connix.”

And then she was gone.

He finished his honeyfruit tea in silence. Then he went back into the kitchen, washed his cup, and went back to his camp bed.

Lying down as quietly as he could on the mattress again, he replayed the conversation.

He was glad he hadn’t said the last part, about her voice guiding him home. It sounded too personal, too far beyond the line that he knew sometimes got blurred between people who served the Resistance for days, weeks and years on end. 

And he was grateful he hadn’t said why her being on the other end of the line meant so much to him, specifically.

The truth was, her voice sometimes saved him from his melancholy. From his nightmares and fears. What he’d said about the deathly quiet of space was true. When he had hours of travel in front of him, and BB-8 was drowsing in standby or busy with technical maintenance, Poe sometimes found himself staring out at the void. Often, his thoughts would drift to his mother.

Sometimes he didn’t mind that. He’d think about flying with his mom – the ace pilot, Shara Bey – in her A-Wing above Yavin. About her letting him take the control yoke. The sensation that there was nothing below his feet as his little legs dangled off the co-pilot’s seat, that he was sinking down into quicksand made of air. And then his mother gently correcting his style: only ever with her voice, not her hands. She always left it to him to find his way, to get to know himself and his craft.

But sometimes Poe’s thoughts about her weren’t happy. Sometimes he looked out into that endless gaping maw of time and space, and he’d wonder about the last thing Shara Bey saw. Were the stars outside of Black One at that very minute the same ones she saw before she died? Had she known the end was coming? Did she resign herself to it, knowing the outcome was beyond her control? Or did she go down fighting?

It was times like that when he couldn’t bear the silence. The loneliness inside the cockpit. And that was when he would check in with HQ on the pretence of a time-check, or a question about debriefing.

More often than not, it was Connix who picked up. Connix who’d be sitting at the comms console on the night shift, when he knew the lighting would be dimmed, a mouse droid circulating the floor to pick up the silt that was tracked in endlessly by multiple boots. He’d picture her in his mind, her headset slotted neatly over her high double buns, a caf – probably gone cold – in front of her.

He would ask his inane questions over the airwaves, silently begging for human contact and a friendly voice to take his mind off his thoughts.

And he’d hear her. Always the same four words.

“I’m here, Commander Dameron.”

Every time, he’d feel his whole body relax. He was no longer on his own. She was there, waiting to listen whenever he needed her. For operational purposes, of course – but she didn’t need to know what else the sound of her voice did for him.

She didn’t need to know that when he caught her on the night shift, her voice sounded different. She spoke more quietly when the usual hustle was missing from the background. In the stillness of those late hours, her voice would drop an octave, gaining a husky, honey-like quality.

Sometimes when she talked to him in that voice it made him feel like she was right there whispering in his ear: and that was almost indescribable in its intimacy.

He would never tell her. It was so far beyond protocol that he’d never reveal it to anyone. But sometimes that voice of hers, when he caught it in the still of space like the wonder-glow of a firefly in the gloom: it sent something through his very bones. Not a thrill, exactly – that was the wrong way to describe it. She gave him the sensation of being hugged by a loved one. That soft blanket of comfort that falls over you when you finally get home after a long and arduous journey.

That was how her voice really made him feel. It meant so much to him, and he almost wished there was a way she could know that he didn’t just rely on her for comms support. The issuing of coordinates, landing clearances, all her standard protocols as Black One came home, the all-clear she gave him for shutdown, and instructions for debrief – all that was important. But if she ever knew that she literally did guide him home on many occasions…

She guided him home with a feeling. A sense of return, of no longer being by himself. The knowledge that someone was always there, thinking about him, ready to answer whenever he called. He knew that among the stars – in that eternal blackness where his darkest memories sometimes waited for him – she was always there to help him fend them off.

And that meant more to him than he could ever even hope – or would ever try – to express.

But he couldn't help wondering if he'd said more than he should have, and as he glanced across the silent hangar he saw her looking at him in the darkness. He lifted his hand to say goodnight, and she did the same. Then she turned over, completely silently, and Poe closed his eyes.

 

Thank you for reading! I would love to receive your kudos if you enjoyed this chapter 🙏🏼

Keep an eye out for Chapter Nine on Friday 22nd April – subscribe for updates!

 

Notes:

Image of Billie Lourd from https://www.gettyimages.co.uk/detail/news-photo/actors-john-stamos-taylor-lautner-abigail-breslin-lea-news-photo/579178106

Image of Oscar Isaac from https://disneyplusoriginals.disney.com/show/moon-knight

Image of tea from https://www.india.com/lifestyle/international-tea-day-2017-different-types-of-tea-and-how-to-brew-them-2756089/

Image from the Dameron ranch from an original illustration by Marco Checchetto and Andres Mossa from https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Dameron_homestead

GIF of Poe Dameron from https://www.fanpop.com/clubs/star-wars/images/41837672/title/poe-dameron-gif-fanart

Image of hand-holding from https://askapril.com/how-to-tell-when-holding-hands-means-more/

Chapter 10: Chapter Nine

Notes:

The songs that accompany this chapter are SPARKS by Coldplay and INTO THE MYSTIC (Remastered) by Van Morrison.
Search "The General and the Lieutenant" on Spotify for the playlist!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

NOW – The Old Senate House, Hanna City, Chandrila

It was late by the time Poe headed to bed. He’d managed to convince his dad – who’d been planning to stay in a hotel downtown – to use one of the suites that was empty now both Ben and Rey were gone. Kes had got a little distracted when he’d bumped into Chewbacca outside the Old Senate House, though, and the two old friends had spent a few hours sharing stories from their many years of Rebel Alliance service. Between getting Kes settled, catching up with Finn, meeting with Tana to discuss updates regarding the press response, and Poe’s constant worry about Kaydel… Well, it had been an incredibly long day and – not for the first time – it felt like he was running on empty.

He might have been non-stop pretty much since he’d woken up that morning, but at the same time, each hour felt like it had dragged. Every time he’d walked in or out of a room, or through the Old Senate House, he’d been checking for Kaydel. He’d only seen her once, during their crossover in the comms room at lunchtime, but he’d been on alert for her both before and after that. Missing her presence. Wondering where she was. Thinking about what – if anything – he should say to her.

Was it better to keep his distance? Or should he talk to her again, like he had in the elevator that morning, to try to convince her they could be OK together? He wasn’t used to feeling so helpless in a situation. Normally there was some action he could take, someone he could sweet-talk, a shortcut through whatever was snarling up the process, or a plan of his own that he could throw together behind the scenes.

Not possible this time. Because his own heart was at stake, and more to the point, so was hers. He couldn’t just forge straight ahead and make her change her mind about any of this. And nor would he want to, because more than anything, he just wanted her to be happy.

But then again… he found himself wondering, as he stripped off his clothes and threw them roughly in the direction of the linen receptable in his bathroom. Then again, he hadn’t been completely honest with her, had he? She didn’t know how he really felt, and would it change things if she did? He’d danced around the subject a little, tried to make it obvious – but he hadn’t gone all out.

He hadn’t told her he loved her.

He’d kept that to himself when she was lying unconscious in that bed in the med centre. And again when she was home, that night he’d washed her hair and cared for her wounds. Another time after that, when she’d asked him if they'd been good while they lasted. The words had danced repeatedly on his lips, but each time he’d held them back for fear of… He wasn’t even sure what.

So maybe he should tell her now. Last chance. Last shot. Maybe he needed to lay all his cards on the table, then sit back and wait. But when had sitting back and waiting ever come naturally to Poe Dameron?

He switched off the lamp and climbed into bed. Pressing the heels of his hands against his closed eyes, he hoped for a deep sleep. No thoughts. Just a blank few hours where he didn’t have to think about anything.

What he got instead was a memory painted in colours, scents, sounds and sensations that felt as vivid as the day they’d happened. A day by the Silver Sea, just after the Resistance had arrived on Chandrila…

~

THEN (35 ABY, alongside Chapter 43 of “Ben Solo: The Way Home”)

The edge of the Silver Sea, Hanna City, Chandrila

 

Poe had forgotten what it felt like to have fun. In fact, he’d stake good credits on all of them forgetting that, considering everything they’d been through over the last couple of years. Rey and Solo especially.

Rose and Connix’s suggestion for everybody to spend the afternoon down at the beach had been a great idea. They all needed some downtime, and messing around in the sea was serving that purpose perfectly.

Connix, who was sitting on his shoulders, yelped as a wave buffeted Poe’s back and made him stumble on the shifting sands. She leant forward, knocking his balance off centre.

“Whoa there, Lieutenant!” He let go of one of her knees and raised a hand up in the air. She grabbed it instantly to stabilize herself, her fingers steepling tightly over his.

As soon as she’d first climbed up on to his shoulders he’d put his hands on her legs. Probably should have asked about that first, he thought to himself. But at the time she’d had this look in her eye, and other parts of her body were already touching him and—

“It’s not like I can help moving around up here!” she said. “You should try this, it looks higher than you think.”

“Nah, I’m good down here.”

“I’m sure you are. So much for your boast about having the high ground... Poe, are you even listening to me?”

In his peripheral vision he saw her lean down to one side to look at him. Obligingly, he tilted his face up so she could see his grin.

“I’m serious! Don’t drop me,” she repeated.

“Why are you so bothered? I already know you can swim and we are in the sea, Connix...”

Unfortunately for her, Rose, Jannah and Rey, their reluctance to get dropped into the waves soon became irrelevant when they all began trying to knock each other down. No sooner had Rey and Solo crashed into the sea, Finn managed to unbalance Poe with his dedicated efforts.

“Ha ha, yes!” Finn yelled, as he and Rose turned their attention to Jannah and Beaumont.

“You’re demoted, Connix!” Poe yelled, losing his footing beneath her.

Her fingers tightened briefly around his before letting go. They both twisted as they fell, her legs sliding quickly over his shoulders. With that aquatic bodysuit on she was as slippery as a Yavin eel, and when they plunged beneath the waves Poe realized one of his hands was gliding across her stomach and around the curve of her hip.

She jolted beneath his touch – perhaps with the same realization – and he sank deeper into the water, searching for the seabed with his feet so he could boost himself away from her. She began to kick for the surface at the same time, and as they moved in opposite directions, Poe suddenly felt her skin slip past the side of his face, so smooth against his three-day-old stubble.

He propelled his arms through the water in an attempt to move away from her, but his hand encountered her knee, which meant—

That skin I just felt on my face… he thought. That was her thigh, which means my face was— 

He locked his arms down by his sides and with one fast and slightly panicked shove of his foot against the seabed, he rose through the water and broke into the sunlight. She appeared right next to him not half a second later, her eyes wide as she took in a huge breath of air.

“Sorry about that,” Poe said quickly, scrubbing droplets of water from his face with his hand. “I didn’t mean to—”

But he stopped talking. Because all of a sudden she was wrapping her right leg around his lower back and moving closer to him. Much closer.

His arm rising mindlessly in the water behind her, he stared at her. “Lieutenant Connix, is there a reason you’re, uh… hitching a ride on my hip? Or is this just for your own personal comfort?”

“Your necklace is caught in my braid.” Her voice sounded very matter-of-fact, as if this was a totally normal situation. But as they were both regaining their breath from the plunge underwater, it was kind of hard for him to tell.

And he noticed, as his gaze lost focus on the way her eyes looked, her long lashes spiked into points, that her head was tilted to one side as if she had a crick in her neck. 

He looked down at the way her body was pressed up against his side, then he lifted her braid out of the water with cautious fingers. His chain was tangled up all right – knotted into the ends of her hair as well as the band she was using to hold it together.

“I guess we must have snagged on each other in the water and— Wait, where’s my ring?” he said suddenly, glancing around at the sharp darts of sunlight sparking off the rippling sea.

“It’s OK, I’ve got it – and I’m not letting go.” Connix’s hand rose out of the water right between them, Poe’s silver chain trailing out from either side of her clenched fist. “But do you think we could untangle ourselves? I don’t want this to break.”

Poe breathed a sigh of relief now he knew his mother’s wedding ring hadn’t disappeared for ever into the Silver Sea. “Well, there’s probably enough slack in the chain for me to just—”

“You guys good over there?” Finn called. He, a victorious Rose, and a laughing Beaumont and Jannah were wading inland to gather their things.

“Yep!” Poe shouted back.

“OK…?” Finn exchanged a knowing glance with Rose before looking back at the two of them. “See you up at the house, I guess?”

“Will do, buddy!” Poe called loudly. He felt extremely aware of Connix’s leg wrapped around his lower back. Of her body moving lazily against his beneath the waves.

He turned back to look at her. “Like I was saying, there might be enough slack for me to just lift the chain over my head. Then you can hold on to it and we’ll get it out of your hair up on the beach.”

“That could work,” she replied. But a little smile had started to bloom on her lips.

He thought for a second, suddenly noticing a sensation move through him. A feeling that there might just be... something else here. Something he couldn’t see clearly just yet.

Let’s see where this goes, Dameron, his instinct said. And like always, he listened to it.

“You’re right, it could work,” he murmured. “But I don’t know that we should risk breaking the chain, or pulling your hair. I don’t want you getting hurt, Lieutenant... So how about we keep it where it is for now and see what else we could do?”

She nodded. “That’s a good idea. But I think I’m going to have to get a little, um... closer. Just while we consider our options.”

He looked at her smile, a little wider now. He thought about the fact she wasn’t trying to hide it – or maybe she just couldn’t? Either way, he responded in kind, his lips twitching into an upward curve. “You mean you’re not close enough already, Lieutenant?”

And he very gently let his arm touch her back to let her know it was there, but he didn’t make any other move.

“Well, like you said – we don’t want your necklace to break,” she replied. “And actually, you doing that helps.”

Still holding on to the part of his necklace that had the ring on it, her free hand disappeared beneath the water and pulled his arm fully around her. Once she'd secured his hand on her waist, she rested her arm around his shoulders. He was now actively holding her right up against his body – and she seemed happy to be there.

“See?” she said, her voice a little quieter than before. “I can stay more stable this way… just in case the waves move us apart.”

Poe nodded knowingly. “I do see. That’s some quick thinking, Connix.”

He lifted her braid out of the water again and re-examined the tangled knot of his chain. When he raised his gaze to hers, he caught her looking at his mouth. That made him smile.

“Can’t you hear me over the sound of the waves?” he asked lazily.

“Of course I can. Why?” she replied, her eyes rising to meet his.

“Kind of looks like you’re trying to read my lips, that’s all.”

At this proximity he could see the blush starting high on her cheekbones. He could track it travelling down her face, where she was breathing through parted lips.

“I wasn’t—” she began, her eyes wide.

“Oh, you were. But I’ve got no problem with that. So…” He ran his thumb over her braid. “Let’s not have this chain snap, shall we? What do you think we should do?”

The rippling waves pressed her upper body even closer. He could feel the soft swell of her breasts against his chest. Her right leg moving higher up behind him. Her left leg floating tentatively, right in front of his hips. He couldn’t tell if he was holding her in place against him, or whether she was doing it all on her own. Maybe it was both, and if either one let go then neither would move.

“I think we should go inland,” she suggested. “That way I can stand up and try to undo this knot. But we have to go together – and we have to stay close together.”

He nodded. “All right. So how about I carry you with me? You keep hold of the necklace and your braid until I get you to a place where you can find your footing. Sound good?”

“Sounds perfect. But I’m going to have to…”

Poe waited a beat. “What?”

She took a quick little breath before she spoke. “I need to hold on tight, Poe. So we don’t drift apart…”

“As tight as you like, Connix,” he replied. Then he spoke a little slower. A little softer. “Can’t drift apart, can we? That wouldn’t help us at all.”

She bit her lower lip, and he had to clench his jaw when he saw that. Holding his gaze boldly all the while, she tightened her arm around his shoulders for balance. Then her left leg rose up until it was resting right on the waistband of his shorts, and she linked her ankles together on the other side of his body.

“Is this OK?” she asked. It seemed as if her breaths were coming a little shorter and a little quicker.

“Perfect,” he murmured reassuringly. “So I, uh… I’m going to hold you a little bit tighter and then I’ll start to move. You good with that?”

She nodded, and he allowed his fingers to spread a little further around her waist. Then he turned to face the shore and slowly began to carry her inland.

“Still got the ring, right?” he asked.

“Yes. Holding on tight.”

He tipped his head to the side a little. “You’re pretty good at that, you know.”

“At what?”

He looked at her face, so close to his, so much of her body wrapped around him. “The holding-on-tight part.”

She said nothing. Just smiled.

Once the water-line was at Poe’s hips, he stopped. “You, uh… should be able to stand up now.”

“OK.”

He looked at her, and she looked at him, and for a couple of seconds they stayed right where they were.

Poe’s lips curved into a grin. “Are you going to climb off me, Lieutenant, or do you want me to carry you up to the house like this?”

This time she did try to hide her smile, but failed. “I was just making sure you were ready.”

Her left leg dropped away from him, then her right, and all of a sudden he couldn’t feel any part of her any more. She stood directly in front of him, her fist still closed around the part of the chain that held the ring.

“Now what?” he asked, hands on hips. The water lapped up around his wrists as the sun sank lower in the afternoon sky.

“I’m going to try to unpick the knot. But you need to stay close, OK?”

“Yep,” he confirmed, his pulse feeling far too loud in his ears.

“Here, you take hold of the ring.”

Poe held his hand out. She put the section of the chain with the ring on it into his palm and closed his fingers around it. Then she began to work on the knot.

“It’s pretty snarled up but I don’t think this will take long,” she said after a few moments.

“Take all the time you need,” Poe said, widening his stance a little as the gentle surf licked at his back, lilting him towards her. “Guess this is my just desserts for that trick I pulled on you earlier, huh? When you almost got knocked over by that wave?” he joked, looking across the sea.

“Well, the water-gods do like to make things fair…”

“Hey, look at those two,” he said, his voice quieter.

She followed his gaze. Some distance away, Rey and Solo were entwined in the shallows, completely oblivious to whatever else was going on.

Connix smiled before turning back to the knot. “They look like they’re meant to be, don’t they?”

“Maybe if they’d figured that out sooner we could’ve avoided a lot of trouble.”

“Well, sometimes you don’t see what’s right in front of you, do you?”

“Kind of hard not to when it’s wrapped around you,” he said, looking at her once more.

Connix’s large brown eyes lifted and caught his gaze. “What do you mean?”

Realizing he’d actually said out loud what he’d been thinking, he waited a beat and then jerked his thumb towards Rey and Solo. “Those two.”

“Oh… yeah.” She looked over at them again. “They’re in their own little world for sure. No idea what’s going on over here.”

“Probably just as well. Kind of a compromising position for a general and a lieutenant, isn’t it?”

She eased a section of his chain out of her hairband and looked at him. “We’re only standing close to each other, Poe, it’s not that bad.”

“True, but thirty seconds ago… Your legs, my hips?” He raised his eyebrows theatrically and she laughed. “I’m just saying – that was some pretty risky stuff.”

“I’m sure you’ve found yourself in such compromising positions before,” she said with a sly smile. “It’s OK, you can tell me.”

“Oh no…” He shook his head. “That’s not happening. Don’t make me go there, Connix.”

“And where is there, exactly?”

“I’m not making any dirty jokes, not this time.”

“I’d be disappointed if you didn’t,” she replied, easing out another section of the chain so that only one small part of the knot remained. “I’m sure you’ve got something circling around inside that imagination of yours – especially as this compromising position involves your trusted lieutenant.”

He didn’t say anything then. Just gazed at her face as she concentrated on the tangled chain. He was pretty sure she was joking but… Well, he knew her pretty well by now. He’d thrown enough jokes and jibes her way, and her comebacks were always fast and sharp. It had sort of just become what they did.

He was still trying to think of what to say when Connix glanced up, eyes wide, her sudden gasp interrupting his thoughts. “Oh no…”

“What?”

“Wave!”

A large swell of water crested against Poe’s back, pushing him bodily towards her. He threw his free arm around her to try to keep her close, but his weight crashing into her combined with the force of the wave made them both stumble. As they fell, the chain bit against the back of his neck. He felt the moment it snapped on his skin, the last part of its tension gone as the knot slipped from its grip on Connix's braid.

Just as soon as the wave had arrived, it receded. He pulled her up to standing, his fist ironclad around the ring.

“It broke!” she cried, her fingers gripping on to his upper arms in panic. “The chain broke and I couldn’t grab a hold of it!”

Poe shook the water from his hair. “It’s OK, I’ve still got it.”

“The ring?” she asked, a horrified expression on her face.

He nodded. “Yes, the ring! I’ve still got it – and the chain.” He raised his fist, the broken chain hanging loose from between his fingers and finally free of her hair.

“Are you sure?”

He nodded yet again, smiling when she grabbed his fist and pried his fingers open. Relief softened her shoulders as she looked at the silver ring, lying glittering and safe on his palm.

“It’s just a necklace, Connix,” he said softly. “The ring’s the important part.”

She exhaled her worry now she knew it wasn’t lost. “I’ll fix the chain for you. I can solder it back together, get it looking almost as good as new.”

“What? Since when do you solder things?”

“Ajan Kloss. I got sick of the electronics dropping out, so I found a kit and kept it with me. That way I could fuse some of the smaller connections without waiting for an engineer.”

“I… Why do you never fail to surprise me, Connix?” he said, to which she responded with a happy shrug and a smile.

He felt oddly overcome by her gesture. The chain was nothing special: it held no value and it wasn’t precious. The ring, of course, was a different matter... But he’d always worn this ring on this chain, so to know he wouldn’t have to replace it or get used to the feel of a new one – well, that meant something to him.

After they’d waded out of the shallows they gathered their things. The sun was dropping towards the horizon as they headed over the warm sand, towards the path that led through the dunes and back to the Old Senate House.

“Give me the necklace now and I’ll fix it for you later,” Connix said, her palm outstretched towards him. “Shouldn’t take me long.”

Poe swapped his sandy T-shirt to his other hand and gave her the broken chain. “Thank you,” he said seriously. “I mean that. I don’t really want to think about what would’ve happened if you hadn’t held on to that…”

“I know. You don’t have to explain. And you’re welcome,” she replied with a smile.

He didn’t know what else to say about what had happened out there in the water. Was he embarrassed? He checked himself for a moment and found that he wasn’t. A little awkward, maybe. But nothing beyond that. Nothing that felt negative, anyway...

“Well, I’m sad I didn’t get to hear any of those dirty jokes,” Connix said.

“Come on, don’t do that to me,” he replied with a groan. “We fall in the water and when I stand up you’ve got yourself wrapped around me? What was I supposed to think? You blindsided me.”

She laughed. “I know.”

“Oh, I see – that’s how it is, huh? You weren’t bothered?”

“Not really. It might have been a little embarrassing to start with, but it’s not like we’ve never hugged before or anything…” She cast a glance over towards him, and he noticed how the last of the day’s sunshine was painting her sodden braid in beautiful bronze colours.

He pushed a hand through his own wet hair, feeling drops of seawater run down the back of his neck. “Yeah, I know we have, but…”

But I felt my stubble graze your thigh when we fell into the water, was how he ended the sentence inside his own thoughts. It was you wrapping your legs around me. Your skin feeling so soft. Your body being up against mine in a way I never thought—

He squeezed his eyes shut.

Fragging stop it.

“General Dameron,” she said teasingly, startling him from his train of thought. “Are you close to being speechless?”

No,” he replied quickly. “That never happens.”

“And yet you’re not saying much… You’re really telling me there’s no joke in there somewhere?”

“Pretty confident about that, aren’t you?”

She grinned. “Yeah, I am! So why don’t you get it out of your system?”

“All right, if you insist…” He shook his head with a smile. “How about on your next rank evaluation I say that Lieutenant Connix was happy for General Dameron to get up close and personal with her body of work?”

She burst out laughing. “That’s pretty good. And actually not as dirty as I thought.”

“You want it dirtier? I’m sure I’ve got something else in the tank if that’s not enough.”

“No, I think we’re good for today.” Then she threw him a glance from beneath her eyelashes. “But your body of work isn’t bad either, General…”

He couldn’t think of anything to say to that, so he just raised an eyebrow at her. Then he looked back over his shoulder at Rey and Solo, still drifting happily in the water as the day drowsily prepared itself to turn into evening.

Connix followed his gaze. “Do you think we should interrupt their peace? Remind them of the time?”

“Nah,” Poe said, shaking his head. “Let’s leave them to it. They’re happy, and Force knows they need that more than any of us.”

 

Thank you for reading! I would love to receive your kudos if you enjoyed this chapter 🙏🏼

Keep an eye out for Chapter Ten on Friday 29th April!

 

 

 

Notes:

Bespoke art of Poe and Connix, commissioned especially for this story, by artist Pola Michalska. Please check out more of Pola's incredible work at https://www.instagram.com/polaeart/

Chapter 11: Chapter Ten

Notes:

The songs that accompany this chapter are THESE ARMS OF MINE by Otis Redding and SECRET GARDEN by Bruce Springsteen. Search "The General and the Lieutenant" on Spotify for the playlist!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

NOW – The Old Senate House, Hanna City, Chandrila

He reached out for her when he woke in the small hours of the morning. He even had a smile on his face, because in the moments just before his eyes opened he was back on that beach, laughing with her as the sun warmed the sands beside the Silver Sea.

But when Poe’s hand touched the other side of his bed it was empty, the sheets and pillow cool and unruffled. Kaydel wasn’t there. She hadn’t been for three days now.

The smile his dream had given him faded away as he brushed his palm over the empty pillow. Her pillow – laying still and undisturbed in her absence. And he realized then, just how much her not being there affected him. How he missed the feel of her skin. Her hair slipping between his fingers; her warm breath against his body. Her wisecracks, and the way she narrowed her eyes at him. The soft words she spoke to bolster him when he didn’t know he needed them. The smile that graced her lips when he gave her what she wanted without her ever having to ask – even though he loved it when she did.

Things were different after that day in the gentle waves of the Silver Sea. With the accidental tangling of her braid and his necklace, they’d both felt brave enough to show a little of what their hearts and minds were thinking. She’d done it by staying wrapped around him just a little longer than she needed to. He’d done it by welcoming her to stay as long as she liked.

And Force-damn it if it hadn’t just felt so right; so natural to have her that close to him. It made him wonder exactly how long they’d been missing that link between them – or whether it all happened exactly as planned. How the will of the Force had intended it. He’d known right from the start that the connection that sparked between him and Kaydel felt like something he'd never known before. Like it had been meant to happen, some way, somehow…

Which was why it seemed wrong that it had gone so soon after he’d found it. Why would the Force want that? To let someone experience that connection – that happiness, that sense that this was what they’d been waiting for – only to have it disappear?

Maybe it was nothing to do with the Force, he thought grumpily, punching his pillow into shape. Poe Dameron made his own decisions, always had. The Force didn’t get the credit for everything he’d done in his life. He was his own man.

As he turned over, his gaze caught on the small plant that was sitting on his chest of drawers. Its twisty little roots and branches emerged from a shallow-soiled pot, blooming upwards in delicate clusters of green leaves. His dad had brought the Force-sensitive Uneti sapling all the way from Yavin IV – a cutting from the tree that grew in the backyard on the family ranch – and given it to Poe earlier that day. For some reason, Kes Dameron was expecting his son to take care of it until such time as it could be planted in the ground. Where that would be, Poe had no idea. He’d write to Rey and Solo, he thought distractedly. Ask them what they thought.

As he looked at the budding Uneti, so much smaller than the one back on Yavin, Poe felt a fleeting memory brush against his consciousness like the lightest of wings. He closed his eyes and let it in.

“It’s not like other trees, Poe,” Shara Bey told her six-year-old son. “It’s important to be kind to all living things, but this particular tree is different.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt it, Mamá,” Poe mumbled. He scuffed his toe in the dirt before pressing it tentatively against the small gouge he’d made in the thickened tree roots – the result of his attempt to make a landing pad for his tiny model X-wing.

Shara brushed a hand through his soft curly hair. “I know you didn’t, my love. But this tree feels things more than most. It feels the Force, Poe. You know what that is, don’t you?”

He screwed up his face in thought. “Magic that comes from the air?”

“Sort of,” his mother said with a smile. “It’s a life-force. An energy that balances all of us. It can think, and feel. Sometimes it can even help you, if you’re able to sense it…”

Poe opened his eyes in the night-time gloom, his gaze still directed towards his chest of drawers.

“But I don’t sense you, do I?” he said to the plant, his voice flat and worn. “So you can’t help me.”

Yet the exact sound of his mother’s voice had been easier to recall in that memory than it had for such a long time... But Poe was so tired of sadness that he didn’t stop to think about that. 

Instead, he drank some water from the bottle on his bedside table and lay back down. He closed his eyes, ignoring the sapling. Doing his best to ignore the whispering vestiges of his dream about Kaydel, and the sea, and the way she’d looked at him that day not so very long ago.

“No more,” he murmured, in the still darkness of his room.

I don’t want to hurt any more…

He didn’t know it was about to hurt just that little bit more.

~

THEN (36 ABY, between Chapters 46 and 49 of “Ben Solo: The Way Home”)

The Skygarden, Hanna City, Chandrila

The chiming sound the turbolift made when they reached the Skygarden’s summit platform was antiquated and faint, much like the decor of the elevator car itself.

“You can see what Senator Malcolm meant when she said this place had seen better days, can’t you?” Connix said, as the door rolled slowly open.

Poe gestured for her to go ahead of him. “Yeah, it all looks pretty tired. I guess those 'better days' were a long time ago. Like way back at the height of post-Empire celebration.”

“I’m sure it can be made nice again. Seems a shame to let something so beautiful go so unloved,” she murmured.

He watched her gaze travel around their surroundings. Her eyes closed momentarily as she lifted her face to the sunny sky and breathed in the scent of myriad flowers and tree blossoms.

“I feel like you’re being unfair to Ajan Kloss, Connix,” Poe said, pushing his hands into his pockets. “You never looked at the plants there like you do at these ones here. That old base never had a chance with you, did it?”

She raised an eyebrow in his direction. “Ajan Kloss was damp and sweaty – everything there smelled like mildew, animal fertilizer and fuel. This place smells like bark and herbs, petals and nectar and salty sea... Admit it – it’s nice, isn’t it?”

“It’s all right,” he said, with a shrug.

She rolled her eyes as they strolled down a walkway between two huge banks of drapery trees. “Be careful you don’t waste your high praise, General… I better show you those views I was talking about, otherwise you’ll think this whole thing was a waste of time.”

“It’s not,” he admitted. “I kind of like being out and seeing something new. Wait—” He grabbed her elbow and pulled her to the middle of the path, away from a long, draping branch of a tree that curved over the railing beside her. “Is that the plant you cut yourself on yesterday?”

Surprised by his move, she stumbled and bumped into his side. “That tree? No, this isn’t a needle-vine, it’s an arrow-dart willow. It’s not sharp at all – in fact, it’s really soft. Feel it. Plus, if you rub the leaves between your fingers it smells like mintberries. See?”

Connix shifted her datapad into the crook of her other arm and pinched some of the leaves. Then she held her hand right up to his face, which he wasn’t expecting her to do, so he automatically leaned back.

“Can you not? And what’s a mintberry?”

She blinked, her hand dropping back to her side. “You said you grew up on a farm, right?”

“It’s a ranch.”

“OK, a ranch, then. Didn’t you grow fruit?”

“Of course we did, but do you realize how many different species of fruit there are? Just because my family owns a ranch doesn’t mean I know every fruit in the galaxy. I have no idea what a mintberry is. How do you know what a mintberry is?”

“My mom grows them from seed and sells them at the market on Dulathia,” Connix answered as they walked on down the path.

A breeze drifted towards them from the far distance, where the path curved around another bank of trees – short fat ones this time, bearing purple flowers and white leaves. The air carried the scent of pure nature, always with that salty marine tang Connix had mentioned.

“You don’t talk about your parents much,” Poe said.

“You’ve never really talked about yours,” was her quiet reply.

“You’re right, I haven’t.”

He glanced down at her just as she looked up at him, and she smiled in a way that made her eyes light up in the midday sunshine. A tiny part of that fragrant breeze lifted a couple of wisps of her hair across the bridge of her nose, and Poe stopped breathing for one tiny second.

Just one. Maybe two.

“I’d like to hear about them,” she said. “If you ever want to talk, I mean. I guess it’s a little weird, but I know some things about them already, from my mom. I can’t remember if I told you this but she was a huge follower of the Rebel Alliance, and especially the women. She told me a lot of stories.”

Poe was relieved when Connix lifted the hair away from her face with her little finger. He’d started to feel like he was going to have to do it himself but that would’ve meant touching her again – although based on what had happened at the beach the day before, he was pretty sure she wouldn’t mind that.

“I, uh… never thought of my mom as someone other people knew about,” he said with a vague shrug. “To me she was just my mom. She made dinner and taught me how to read and worked in the gardens with my dad while I messed around on the backyard tree.”

Even just those few sentences sent a swell of emotion through him. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Connix look up at him, but he didn’t want to meet her gaze just then. Something about this was a little out of his comfort zone.

“Sounds like she was a great mom, Poe. Not to mention a kick-ass pilot.”

He smiled. “She was.”

And that was all it took for him to hit the wall. He couldn’t say any more about Shara Bey, and as he swallowed down that little edge of pain that never really went away, he scrunched his fists up inside his trouser pockets.

He didn’t know whether Connix had noticed his emotions change, but at that moment she stopped on the path beside him.

“You OK?” he asked, doing the same.

“I completely forgot… Can you hold this?” She handed him her datapad.

“Sure. Why’d you bring it anyway?”

She unbuttoned the top pocket of her shirt. “We’re here so you can make plans for the flight academy, aren’t we? So I’m going to note everything down.”

“Oh,” Poe responded simply.

He hadn’t even considered note-taking; he just assumed they’d look at the view and he’d think of a couple of ideas. But he should’ve known better than that by now. Connix was almost always a step ahead and keeping him organized – without him even noticing, most of the time.

“Here.”

He looked down to see her holding his silver chain on her open palm.

“I fixed it. Unfortunately you can still see where it broke, because it’s gone a kind of bronze colour where I soldered it back together. I hope that’s OK,” she said, a hint of uncertainty in her voice.

Poe took it, the chain draping in loops between his fingers. “Connix, I… Thank you. I can’t even see the soldered part.”

“There.” She pointed at a tiny section of the necklace, where the bright midday sunshine picked out a flash of bronze. “It’s right there.”

He shook his head, a smile on his face. “I wouldn’t have spotted that if you hadn’t pointed it out, you know.”

“I’d rather be honest about it. It’s not a perfect job.”

“It’s great – and I really appreciate it,” he said quietly. “Hey, can you take it back for a second?”

She blinked in confusion but did as he asked, piling the chain carefully on to her palm once again.

Poe opened his shirt pocket and took out Shara Bey’s ring. He’d been carrying it on him ever since they’d arrived back at the Old Senate House after the afternoon at the beach, never once letting it out of his sight.

Realizing what he was intending to do, Connix carefully opened the clasp on the necklace. As Poe held the ring up between thumb and forefinger, she carefully fed the chain through it before doing the clasp back up.

She beamed a smile at him as he put the necklace over his head and tucked the ring safely back inside his shirt.

“I’m really glad I could help with that,” she said, taking the datapad from him.

“Me too,” he replied, putting an arm around her shoulders.

She stepped closer, and her free hand rose to his lower back. He’d kind of meant to do a one-armed hug, but now that she was nestled against him, he lifted his other arm and wrapped that around her too.

He’d hugged her before, of course, in moments of celebration or relief. But with her head tucked beneath his jaw like it was now, he suddenly got the urge to kiss the top of her head, to feel her soft hair beneath his lips.

But you won’t, he told himself sternly. You won’t do that.

And yet when she leaned away a little bit and looked up at him, he realized that what he really wanted to do was kiss her. Straight up. Just kiss her. On the lips.

Which you also will not do, he instructed himself.

His instinct, however – the one he’d never had a reason not to trust – forged ahead. It made his gaze drop to her mouth, which displayed the most beautiful smile. And before he knew it, his hands had slid back round her shoulders to her upper arms. Then his lips were pressing against her forehead and time seemed to decelerate.

Beneath the gentle breeze and the lilting birdsong, he heard her gasp softly. Or was it more like a sigh? He couldn't be sure; all he did know was that her skin was warm and her hair smelled like petals and he could feel her leaning towards him just a little bit. 

When he finally stepped back, he realized she’d gone completely still. Her gaze lingered on his, and her deep brown eyes were so wide – so very wide.

That was when he knew he was in trouble.

Where Kaydel Ko Connix was concerned, something had changed. A lot.

“So, uh… Where’s this view you were talking about?” he said, putting his hands on his hips and looking around.

She blinked. “The view…? Oh right, the view. It’s, um… it’s this way,” she muttered, and they began walking. “Just round the corner. Wait until you see it all, it’s going to be so good for flight training. That’s if we can agree everything with Senator Malcolm, of course.”

“I haven’t actually mentioned it to her yet,” Poe said, as they neared the curve in the path. “But I know Wedge used to train cadets off some of these platforms. There might be a statute somewhere in the Senate archives that still allows for airspace usage.”

Connix made a quick note on her datapad. “I’ll look into it. If there’s already a historical precedent for running drills around the area then we should be halfway there in terms of permissions.”

When they turned the corner in the path, the view over Hanna City and its coastal surroundings opened up before them. “Oh damn…” Poe breathed.

“Told you,” Connix said happily.

He glanced at her with a grin. “You did.”

“And am I ever wrong?”

“No, you’re not. But please don’t let that go to your head, Lieutenant.”

She laughed as they walked up to the balustrade. Poe leant on the railing and gazed out at the Silver Sea stretching all the way to the horizon. Sunshine glinted off the waves as little fishing boats trawled lazily out in the depths. To the left, rolling hills gave way to dense green forests and reddened mountains. To the right, the rocky coast disappeared jaggedly into the distance, where stronger waves crashed up against a wilder coastline. Below them, Chandrila’s capital city bustled with people, shuttles and life itself.

“So? What do you think?” Connix asked after a few moments – though she didn’t wait for him to answer, and that made him smile.

“Our landing platform is over there,” she continued, pointing out over the railing, “and that’s the Old Senate House and the academy grounds. There are two more landing platforms to the east but I’m not sure if they’re in use, so I’ve made a note to ask. I guess you’ll need to do some recon up the coast and see what’s there in terms of what you can and can’t fly over. But that sea, well…” When she held her hand out towards it he nodded his agreement, reading her thoughts as if they were his own. “You could fly out there endlessly, couldn’t you? Plenty of room for maneouvres.”

“It’s perfect,” Poe said simply.

His mind was already multitasking. It filled with visualizations of X-wings zipping across the sea, pulling up the spray as they dove towards the water before arcing off into the sky and racing up both sides of the coastline.

They’d have to start new cadets off on simulations – that would be one of the first things to do. He should find out if there was still a place for that around here somewhere, or if there wasn’t, where they could set one up. They’d need to schedule a timetable, prepare tests and assessments, find and employ tutors...

He wondered if there was any chance his own flight instructor, Wedge Antilles, would be willing to lend a hand. Probably not, he thought. Not after Exegol. Norra especially might veto the idea, but then again, it never hurt to ask.

While Poe’s thoughts raced away with themselves, Connix silently added notes to her datapad. He was only vaguely aware of her closing it up and waiting when he still hadn’t said anything several minutes later, his fingers tapping his lips as he worked it all out.

Eventually, he looked down at her.

She smiled. “Well?”

“I can see it. I think it could work. But we need to note all this down before I forget it.”

She nodded, flipping her datapad open again. The screen came to life, and Poe was somewhat taken aback to see almost all of his thoughts already jotted down.

- Flight plans for coastal areas

- Clearance to fly over the city?

- Simulator access/locations

- Confirmation of instructor programme (speak to former tutors?)

- Advertising for academy launch

He looked up at her, half bemused, half astounded.

“What?” she asked.

“Connix, are you sure you don’t have the Force?”

She glanced down at the datapad and then back at him. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve written down pretty much everything I’ve been thinking, like some kind of Jedi mind trick. I’m impressed.”

She laughed. “I’m just fluent in Poe Dameron – that’s not a trick. So, what else can I add to the list? Or do you want to look at some maps? I downloaded a few in case you wanted to mark them up. If we go this way we’ll get a better view of the eastern parts of the city.”

Poe watched her head towards a second path that led to another part of the Skygarden. He shook his head in amusement as he followed her, his gaze pulled uncontrollably back to the incredible views as he went.

Hypnotized by the glittering waters, he realized too late that Connix had stopped on the path. He walked right into her back, grabbing on to her shoulders to steady both of them before letting go of her.

“What is it? You OK?”

“I’m fine, but let’s not go that way. The needle-vine’s down there.”

“The what? Oh, the needle-vine.” Poe looked down at her forearm, gently raising it between them. Only a thin white line remained of the nasty cut she’d had the day before. He traced it lightly with one finger. “Then we’re absolutely not going down that path. Don’t want to waste Finn’s first Force-heal, do we?”

“No, we don’t,” she agreed, her eyes lifting quickly to his. Then she took his fingers off her arm, but held on to them.

“Sorry,” he murmured. “Does it hurt?”

“No. It just feels hypersensitive when you…” She took a breath – and if he wasn’t mistaken, it trembled a little. “When you touch it, it’s like I can feel every cell under my own skin – and yours.”

It was almost as if neither of them was breathing in that moment. Just watching each other’s eyes, their fingers almost intertwining.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice low. “I didn’t mean to—”

“Don’t apologize. Like I said, it doesn’t hurt. It’s sort of the opposite, actually… Like maybe there’s a little, um… Force residue left there or something.” Another quick breath, and that little telltale blush on her cheeks that he’d come to recognize. “It just feels kind of intense… that’s all.”

He felt himself smiling then. He couldn’t help it. There was something about knowing he’d touched her in a way she liked but almost couldn’t handle.

Putting his hands softly on her shoulders, he rotated her on the spot so he was standing directly behind her again. Then he leant forward, his mouth close to her ear.

“Well, I’m not going to have you come to any more harm on my watch. My lieutenant’s far too important for that.”

She turned her head to the side a little, her temple nudging his lips. “I am?”

“Don’t you dare question it, Kaydel Ko Connix,” he murmured against her skin.

 

Thank you for reading! I would love to receive your kudos  if you enjoyed this chapter.

Keep an eye out for Chapter Eleven on Friday 6th May

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

Image of a bonsai tree from https://www.bonsaitreegardener.net/bonsai-trees/species/oak-sapling

Image of a tropical garden pathway from https://www.pinterest.co.uk/cksrabbit/tropical-pathways-gardens/

Image of a silver chain author's own

Bespoke art of Poe and Connix, commissioned especially for this story, created by artist Evelyn K, aka DazzlingJedi. Please check out Evelyn's incredible work at www.instagram.com/dazzlingjedi/

GIF of X-wings from https://www.ourdailybears.com/baylor-gif-posts/2014/12/9/7353531/the-mother-of-all-gif-posts

Chapter 12: Chapter Eleven

Notes:

*WARNING: This chapter contains sexual content, as well as mature art featuring nudity*

The songs that accompany this chapter are HERE COMES THE RAIN AGAIN (live) by Eurythmics and DRUMMING SONG (acoustic) by Florence + The Machine. Search "The General and the Lieutenant" on Spotify for the playlist!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

NOW – The Old Senate House, Hanna City, Chandrila

Kaydel opened her eyes. She was still dressed, lying uncomfortably on top of her sheets with one arm trapped beneath her side. Her room was dark, the only sound the faint buzz of night-shift shuttles moving through the heart of the city.

She sat up gingerly, the dressing on her torso pinching a little at her skin. A quick check of her chrono told her it was the middle of the night.

“Right,” she murmured, with a sigh. “I was just going to rest my eyes before sending a holo to Mom…”

She picked up her comms device, which was sitting unused on the bed next to her, and put it on her night-table. Then she unlaced her boots and toed them off on to the floor. Her shirt and trousers joined them, and then she was climbing under the sheets in her tank top and underwear.

Once her head was settled on the pillow she pulled the other one over, bolstering her side to cushion the bruises that were blooming from shades of purple to sickly yellow across her skin.

In this quiet moment, when everything was so still and so dark, she would give anything to have Poe’s arms around her. He’d take away her pain and her sorrow. He would ease her worry, her restless thoughts…

But she’d made him leave her. She had done that. Her decision, her actions – and therefore these were her consequences to be endured.

She had known it was going to hurt, but not this much. Her heart still ached as much as it did on that morning she’d ended things with him. And when he’d stopped the door opening in the elevator, to say something that was sort of close to love but not quite. It wasn’t getting any easier, even though time was supposed to heal all wounds.

But this was supposed to have been the right thing to do… wasn’t it? Yet how could something that was done with the noblest of intentions feel so terrible?

Kaydel’s mind turned to Ben and Rey; they had been ripped apart after they’d done their best to save one another. And time hadn’t healed their wounds, because Kaydel remembered only too well how desolate and empty Rey had seemed in the weeks after Exegol. Fortunately, the dyad had since found their way back to each other, thank the stars.

Smoothing her fingertips over the top of her dressing – and wondering idly about asking Dr Kalonia when it should come off and stay off – Kaydel found herself thinking about what Rey had said to her before leaving for Naboo. When they’d all stood in that dim hangar at the spaceport as the med-centre alarm bells rang out across Hanna City.

She'd told Kaydel that Leia wouldn’t want her to run from what scares her.

And Kaydel smiled, thinking not just of her friend – who was away from all this now, and living in peace with the man she loved – but of her mentor, whom they'd lost all too soon. A bittersweet tear rolled down her temple, blotting cool saltwater into her hair.

Both of those wonderful, wonderful women seemed to know her better than she knew herself. Rey had imparted that message as they'd said goodbye, somehow knowing how broken Kaydel felt at that moment. And in those awful hours on D’Qar when Poe was missing, and Kaydel was so scared of the possibility that he might be dead, Leia had known. She had known that Kaydel felt more deeply for Poe than even she had admitted to herself. Leia had sensed the rollercoaster of emotion when Poe returned alive and, what was more, she'd encouraged the young officer to let Poe know she cared for him.

And if these brave and brilliant women – women who felt things more deeply than somebody like Kaydel, who was not Force-sensitive – had encouraged her to follow her feelings, then what the hell was she doing? Why was she trying to resist this when nobody had asked her to do so?

Reach out with your feelings. That was what Leia had always done. And maybe Kaydel should try it.

But she didn't need to close her eyes to try to focus on whatever might lie beneath her subconscious. She already knew what was there.

She loved Poe Dameron, yet she’d given him up for some theoretical greater purpose. In her heart she wanted to be with him – to the end of time, if he’d have her. And as she accepted that knowledge, she realized what had been the driving force behind all the risks she’d taken up to this point in her life: all the ones that had led her to him.

They’d all been guided by her instinct. They’d all been put in motion by something she felt deep inside of her that even she didn’t quite understand. It was a feeling, a mirage-like sense of knowledge that she had followed like a bloom of light in the darkness down every path. All the way along the one that had led her into his arms.

And that light, that feeling, came back for her once more as her eyes finally drifted shut. She let herself move towards it, searching for comfort. Searching for a memory of him to hold on to, when he wasn’t present in reality.

Her mind flew across time, back to the hot desert sands of Jakku. Kaydel found herself thinking back to the unbelievably hot depths of a wrecked star destroyer, and one of the biggest risks she’d ever taken. A leap of faith – though the real one came a little later, in the quiet dark of a starship...

~

THEN (36 ABY, a mirror image of Chapter 56 of “Ben Solo: The Way Home”)

Resistance Landing Platform, Hanna City, Chandrila

I wasn’t surprised to find myself drifting off to sleep as we flew from Jakku back to Hanna City. The combination of all those hours in the stifling desert heat and the physical exertion of the climbing had clearly caught up with me; I was struggling to keep my eyelids open.

As I drifted, I though about where we’d got to – this place between me and Poe. This strange and unknown change to our friendship that felt like nothing I’d ever known…

The minute the mission to find the star destroyer had been suggested, I’d wanted in. Not just for the chance to get out there and do something to make a difference to people’s lives – but to do it alongside him. Doing something real, and tangible, and exciting. I wanted an adventure, and Poe being Poe, well – he seemed game for that.

That day in the sea, I knew I’d pushed our friendship beyond its normal boundaries. Though when I’d pressed against that boundary it seemed invisible, like he’d already dismantled it to let me in. I’d seen an opportunity to explore something new, so I’d taken it, and he didn’t seem to mind. At all.

Afterwards I wondered if I’d imagined it – his willingness to explore this new and different dynamic between us. But he’d chosen not to try taking off his necklace. He’d been perfectly fine with my body pressed up against his. Every way in which he’d put his hands on me – those powerful hands, so gentle and strong all at once – made me feel safe. And I almost couldn’t handle the sensations that moved through me when I thought about how close we had been, essentially wrapped around one another like we were—

My co-pilot’s seat begins to shake, the old suspension bumping and rattling all of a sudden. The U-wing is juddering like parts are falling off it as it comes in to land, and I begin to lift out of my slumber, my wandering thoughts wisping away into the night air.

I know my dreams must have been all over the place, because my heart is already pounding even before I open my eyes to look at Poe. He tells me it’s late, and as the ship’s lights flicker out, the temperature of his gaze changes. I can’t look away from him, and it seems he can’t look away from me either.

This still doesn’t seem completely real to me, despite the signs. Him, being interested in me? I mean, he sure seems to be… The signals he’s been sending have looked pretty clear from where I’m standing. More so when he brings up what happened in the star destroyer: that kiss, and what might have happened if we weren’t interrupted.

When I press him on it, he makes it clear that what didn’t happen is still on his mind. That’s when I throw all my caution away, like it was ripped from me by those hot desert winds that swirled around us after that risky escape plan of his.

I want him. I’ve said as much to his face, in case he hasn’t already worked it out for himself. So what else remains except for me to do what my instinct is telling me to do?

I’m out of my seat with my boots and trousers off before he’s even finished his sentence. And it surprises me a little, how in control I am from the very start. He moves to undo his seatbelt as I go towards him, but I tell him he has to stay strapped into the captain’s seat while I call the shots.

A part of me can’t quite believe this is happening, that I’ve taken the reins in such a way. Who am I to tell him what to do? What if he doesn’t want that? a small voice wonders.

But it becomes apparent very quickly from the look on his face, the speed of his breathing, that the question is unnecessary. Poe Dameron does want that – and he’s more than happy for me to take the lead. That’s when the last shreds of my uncertainty and my nervousness turn to ashes. I want this, and so does he. We want this – and it’s going to happen.

As I settle myself on his lap and his hands trace up my body, I realize this is not going to take long. He already has me so far along this exquisite path of pleasure just by the way he looks at me, the way he licks his lower lip, the flex of his fingers on my skin as they press deeper into my hips…

I’ve never felt so close so fast – so out of control of my senses in such a short space of time. Not like this. Never like this.

But this is what he does to me, and all I can think about is my need for more. My craving to feel this man – this one man, above all others – inside me.

I don’t want to waste any more time, and I don’t think he does either. When I touch him there – when I let him feel me, and how ready I am for him – I fall ever closer to my fast-approaching abandon. His breath comes fast, his eyes dark as night as they travel over me. His fingers delve beneath my tank top. They smooth over my skin, pulling such heat from me that I wonder if I might just burst into flames.

And I know that I will, with him. But not quite yet…

My command for him to look at me, to watch what I’m doing as I begin to take him inside of me, shocks even myself. Suddenly I can feel him there – and when he moves further, deeper, I wonder how much more of this I will be able to take. In those indescribably sweet first few seconds, I want all of him. Every piece of him with me, beside me, around me, within me…

He says my name – Connix – and I find myself wishing it was my first name. But the way he turns it into an exhale? A moan, a sound of pleasure? That combined with the way he watches me is staggering.

Am I really doing this to him? Is it me making him shift and twist with need, as he tries to have me faster?

I wonder briefly what this means. Our desire for each other seems so high and so perfectly matched. What will that mean for us? For whatever… this might be?

I haven’t given enough thought to that. Right now it’s just too practical – the implications of me, a lieutenant, falling for Poe Dameron, the general. On paper I know we shouldn’t. It’s ill-advised.

But I can’t stop. I don’t want to. And he doesn’t either.

He’s pushing now, wanting more and wanting it faster, but I tell him to wait. I tell him I’m in charge – and again, he seems to like this. His body grows still but his lips curve into a smile, his breath so hot and heavy I can feel it on my chest.

Poe Dameron is staring up at me like nobody ever has, and in that moment I realize he’s… Well, it’s as if he’s seeing, feeling and knowing all of me. My whole being, all at once. It’s like a part of my existence has only just bloomed into life because he is looking at me in this moment, just like this.

And I don’t mean just physically, but I... I can’t move any further now. There is no more of him for my body to take, and even if I had the Force I don’t think I could fully comprehend how this makes me feel. How he is making me feel. What he’s given me already – and the thought of what is yet to come – shakes me to my core so deeply that I start to grow dizzy.

I close my eyes and lean back, my hands on his thighs for stability, and remind myself to breathe. His hands move to my hips. I can feel the energy building inside him, caged tightly as it simmers and rises, looking for release.

He wants to move. And I want nothing more than to feel him do it.

He raises my body gently, like he’s waiting for me to say yes, that this is OK. And I know – I think I always suspected – that nothing has ever been more OK than this. Yes, I say.

I lean forward, lacing my fingers around the back of his neck. His skin is almost feverish, damp with sweat. The sight of him in front of me like this, the look on his face: these are things I’d thought of but had never allowed myself to believe would become reality.

When he tells me how good it feels, all I want to do is move faster. My body wants it too, like my soul is crying out for more. I want to feel him harder, feel him deeper – so I let my body move exactly how it wants. And I could close my eyes while pure instinct takes over, but I don’t want to miss a single second of the way he’s looking at me.

As his hand moves towards my neck, he brushes my breast. Intentional or not, I don’t know – it doesn’t even matter. I want to feel more of his hands on me, his breath on my skin. I want him to see Kaydel Ko Connix.

When he tears my top in half in the cool night air, his jaw clenches and his eyes flare. Then he’s grabbing at me, his fingers digging into my back, hot palms branding my flesh as he pulls me towards him.

I moan, the sound shockingly loud against the backdrop of our quickening breaths. I kiss his forehead, his temple, my fingers delving through his dark curls as I clutch him against me.

His mouth finally meets my skin and I realize how close I am to losing my edge. His stubble is sharp and rough, and I can’t tell if it hurts as it glances over my breasts, but I don’t even care. All I care about is the way this feels, and how much more incredible it’s about to be.

Because it’s so close now. It’s so close…

He’s moving against me, rocking his body and mine as best he can from within the seat restraints. His breaths are roughening into groans, and I realize in some barely conscious part of my mind that he makes me feel like I can do anything. Like I’m unafraid of anything. He makes me feel that who I am is all I need to be – and who I am is someone he seems to really, really want.

I want him to know that too – so I tell him. I tell him how long I’ve wanted him (and it’s close enough to the truth). As he listens, his tongue sears over my body in a way I hope leaves a trace. And then he looks up, and he tells me he wants to know all my secrets.

I don’t know if he realizes this, but I would tell him. Every single last one.

I would tell him how I could barely function all that time he was missing after Tuanul. I’d tell him how the thought of him dying nearly broke me in half. I would tell him that every night in the humid jungles on Ajan Kloss, I saw his face when I went to sleep. I’d tell him that by the time my body was wrapped around his in the waters of the Silver Sea he’d already lit a spark inside me that was only growing brighter.

And I would tell him that I have dreamed about this for longer than probably even he suspects.

Instead, I say I’d follow any order he gave me – and he smiles between the fast breaths that are falling from his lips.

As I’m telling him that, I decide I don’t want to be in charge any more. I want to give myself up to Poe Dameron and let him take me somewhere I can’t even comprehend based on what I already know of how he makes me feel.

When I release his seat restraints the speed with which he moves would knock me off balance if it weren’t for his strong arm around my hips. He presses me back against the dash controls, and I can feel the buttons imprinting themselves on my skin. I let myself go still. I want to feel every aspect of the power and level of desire that fuels the way he moves. For him, in this moment, I grow helpless. I allow him to move my body however he wants to, to seek out any part of me he hasn’t already found.

And that’s when I know I’m about to drown inside all this pleasure. He falls back against the seat and I go willingly with him. My breaths begin rising into moans and I can see his jaw tighten. His hand is at the back of my neck, his fingers digging into my hair and loosening my ponytail in a way that makes me wonder how it would feel if he pulled on it…

I’m about to tell him I can’t hold on, that my body and soul are about to take everything out of my hands, when—

He’s there too, he tells me quickly. He’s waiting for me, right there on the edge, and as soon as I know that, I can’t stop the cries erupting from my own lips.

Heat and power and something I’ve never been shown before are tearing through my body, exploding in a cataclysm of sensation. I can feel his own surrender alongside my own, the power of his pleasure surrounding mine as his hands clutch at me however they can. He’s moaning too, just like me… and I realize that I did that.

No – we did that.

Even as our bodies tremble against each other – as tightened muscles begin to relax, skin dewed with sweat – I can’t quite comprehend that this is real. I already know I will not recover quickly from what has happened here. I am changed by the way he has touched me, and held me, and moved inside of me. I’m altered by the way he’s shown me not just who he really is, but who I am too…

When we’ve regained enough breath he kisses me, and I try to notice every little sensation passing between us. The edge of his stubble on my upper lip. The heat of his mouth, the gentle swoop of his tongue. The smell of him this close to me. The smoothness of his hands on my body, and the pressure they apply that details the need he still has for me.

As for how I’m going to breathe, talk, stand, move? How I’m meant to carry on as normal after this? I can’t understand how any of that is going to be possible…

~

NOW – The Old Senate House, Hanna City, Chandrila

Kaydel’s eyes flew open.

But it was possible to carry on, she thought, as the first beams of dawn sunlight filtered into her room. Because you were beside me.

And now you’re not.

That mission to Jakku – it changed everything. As for what came afterwards, in that captain's seat beneath the still moonlight? Sometimes even now, she still couldn’t believe it.

All she did know was that she missed him.

Kaydel let go of a small sob, her head rising briefly from the pillow. She realized then that her body was trembling, her skin hot, her pulse racing. Combing her hair away from her damp forehead with shaking fingers, she shifted beneath sheets that felt stuck to her skin. With a mix of shock and sadness and something that was so close to pleasure, yet so very far away, she felt a rolling wave of purely physical bliss slowly fading away from her body and into the ether.

In that moment she realized that even just the thought of the memory of him had nearly torn her apart, without her even knowing.

If just the thought of you does this to me, a little voice thought, how will I ever survive without you…?

 

Thank you for reading! I would love to receive your kudos  if you enjoyed this chapter 🙏🏼

Keep an eye out for Chapter Twelve on Friday 13th May

 

 

Notes:

Bespoke art of Poe and Connix, commissioned especially for this story, created by artist Rutbisbe. Please check out their incredible work at www.instagram.com/rutisfree/

Chapter 13: Chapter Twelve

Notes:

The songs that accompany this chapter are FOLLOW THE SUN by Caroline Pennell and TANGO IN THE NIGHT by Fleetwood Mac. Search "The General and the Lieutenant" on Spotify for the playlist!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

*WARNING: This chapter contains sexual content*

 

NOW – The Old Senate House, Hanna City, Chandrila

Kaydel knew that trying to go back to sleep would be pointless. Following her dream about Poe, her pulse was racing, her body in a state of high alert. It was not exactly a situation that pointed towards rest.

Shifting beneath the sheets to lay gently on her side, Kaydel saw small chinks and rays of muted light falling through the curtains. The sun was just starting to rise over Hanna City, and she thought briefly about getting up now that she was awake – especially as she had something important to do. Senator Hackett would be bringing Barrus Thorne’s comms device back from the engineers at the Plaza today, and Kaydel couldn’t wait to get her hands on it.

Rose – who, along with Hackett, had found the device while searching Thorne’s guest apartment – wasn’t too pleased about the senator holding it for a day while his people checked it over for booby-traps. Kaydel had been equally as disappointed. In the comms room after Rose had returned from the Plaza the day before, the two women had grumbled privately between themselves about having to wait longer for the device.

The Sith loyalists with whom Thorne had been in contact had presumably known all about the plot to entrap and then kill Ben Solo, and yet they remained nameless, faceless, impossible to find… The Resistance couldn’t settle until they knew who these people were, and Kaydel needed to correct the mistake she’d made by not tracing them sooner.

At the same time, however, Kaydel could understand Senator Hackett’s need for caution. In the past couple of weeks one of his fellow senators had survived an assassination attempt, only for another to be revealed as an ex-Imperial plant. It wasn’t entirely unexpected that Hackett should want to tread so lightly with a device that could have been primed to explode, for all they knew.

Kaydel stretched one leg across the bed, a small but satisfying crack sounding in her lower back as she tensed and relaxed. The Old Senate House was still so quiet. She could get up, even though her chrono told her how absurdly early it was. But Hackett wouldn’t arrive for at least another couple of hours – and wasn’t Kalonia always nagging at her to get adequate rest? Well, maybe that’s what she’d do: follow the doctor’s orders for once, by staying in bed.

Closing her eyes, Kaydel instinctively began reaching back through her memories again: the only place where she could find Poe and be close to him, the way she really wanted to be.

Am I torturing myself by doing this? she thought. Yeah, without question...

Sorrow and sadness still saturated her bones, but retracing all those moments with Poe enabled her to relive so many perfect sensations of pleasure and wonder. Of happiness.

There was Jakku, of course – the first kiss. More kisses after their escape from the star destroyer. And that incredible night on the U-wing…

All those moments had held so much promise – so much feeling and emotion and raw connection – that they were impossible for her to forget. She couldn’t ignore them, and as painful as they were, she didn’t want to.

For now, alone as she was while the city slowly woke from its slumber, her memories pulled a blanket of comfort around her broken heart.

So wasn’t it OK if she visited the past just one more time? Just for a little longer…?

~

THEN (36 ABY, after Chapter 56 of “Ben Solo: The Way Home”)

Resistance Landing Platform, Hanna City, Chandrila

Poe slammed the gunner’s door of the U-wing shut behind them, the suction-and-clunk sound startlingly loud in the night. He clapped the craft’s fuselage with his palm before turning to look at Connix.

She couldn’t wipe the smile off her face as she fastened the last button on her shirt, and nor did she want to. Tucked in one hand were the scraps of her tank top: the one Poe had torn in half before he’d—

Her pulse surged in her veins at the very thought of it all. Dank farrik, it had actually happened…

“You good?” he asked, coming towards her.

She nodded, feeling her cheeks flame despite herself. “Yes. I’m good.”

His mouth lilted into a one-sided grin. “Not cold now you’ve got nothing on underneath that shirt?”

“No, I’m fine,” she laughed, before adding: “No thanks to you…”

They began to walk over the landing pad towards the academy grounds, to the path that led back to the Old Senate House. BB-8 had already sprung to life following his charge-slumber and rolled home, having first ejected the data-chips that contained the stormtrooper files. Poe had stored them safely inside his satchel and would give them to Finn first thing in the morning.

Neither Connix nor Poe said anything for a minute or two. The moon was high over the Silver Sea, wisps of grey cloud floating over it. The waves on the coast below them washed lazily up on to the shore as the residents of Hanna City slept on – or most of them did, anyway. Connix had never felt more awake.

For once, she didn’t know what to say. Some small-talk, maybe? She could point out the golden fire-blossoms that were coming into bud along the path. They were pretty rare; a delicate but beautiful species that often took a long time to bloom but once it did, it was riotous, its colours so vibrant and alive. The alternative, of course, was to dive right in and ask what was going to happen next, now that the General and the Lieutenant had…

A pleasurable shiver rolled over her. It was like she was still trying to comprehend it all as she looked at the small grove of cedar trees that grew to their left, below the Old Senate House gardens. And before she could decide what to say, Poe took control of the moment, catching her little finger with his.

She looked down at their joined hands, her ruined tank top swinging between them as they walked. When she glanced up at him, he was smiling.

“What?” she said, helplessly doing the same.

He shook his head just a little bit. “Nothing.”

“Really?” she pressed. “You’re thinking of nothing?”

“Well, no… not nothing. I guess I’m thinking about how this mission went so much better than I could’ve imagined.”

She raised an eyebrow. “And what expectations did you have, when we set off for Jakku?”

Because I know what mine were, she thought to herself. I wanted to see if you’d kiss me.

She hadn’t dared to think about what could happen beyond that. And it was probably just as well, because if she’d known exactly what they might do – what they had done – then she would have been on edge the entire time. She would never have made it up the outside of that star destroyer, because even now her body trembled just at the thought of it all.

Poe stopped, his hand suddenly closing fully over hers. “I didn’t have any expectations but I can’t lie to you, Connix… I did have some ideas.”

When she looked into his eyes, a nervousness she wasn’t all too familiar with – the one she’d felt briefly when she’d taken the lead back on that U-wing – tried to surge through her veins. She exhaled it away, pushed it back and down.

Don’t, she told herself. You know this man better than you ever thought you would. And he knows you, too.

Her fingers flexed around his, a smile slipping on to her lips. “Oh? And what were your ideas, Poe? I think you should tell me.”

“You do, huh?” he said, his voice so deep in the darkness.

Facing her, he stepped a little closer, and her breath became a little shorter. “Yes, I do...”

He pushed their linked hands gently around her side, manoeuvring her arm behind her back, slow and soft. “C’mon, you can guess. I know you can.”

She looked up at him from beneath her lashes. Her other hand moved up around his shoulders, her fingers brushing his neck.

As she rose up on her tiptoes towards him, a nightbird’s call rang out from the cedar grove behind them. Connix, suddenly conscious of their surroundings, glanced behind Poe at the academy buildings.

He turned with her, his eyes scanning the area. “What? Did you see something?”

“No – but there might be people around. What if they see us?”

He didn’t say anything for a moment or two. “I guess that’s something we need to talk about – whether we’re seen. I don’t think I care if we are. We wouldn’t be the first people in the Resistance to…” He trailed off. “You know what I mean.”

“We definitely wouldn’t be,” she agreed, drawing back from him ever so slightly. “But I don’t know if we should be open about this. You’re a General, Poe. It might be weird for people to see us together.”

His eyes widened a little. “Ah... Now you mention it there, um, actually might be a naval engineer who already thinks we are together.”

“What?”

“Some guy on the Raddus. He saw me and you coming out of that closet when I told you about the plan for the hyperspace jump – remember? To cover up what we were doing I let him think that you and I were, uh…”

She smiled. To give him his due, he looked suitably awkward about it. “That we were having sex?” she finished.

“Yeah.”

“Even though we weren’t.”

“Well, not then we weren’t…”

“Mmm, but you’re saying the idea crossed your mind even back then? Is that right?”

The corner of his mouth twitched and then he chuckled. “Guess I walked right into that one, didn’t I? Look, all I did was go with the best cover story I had at the time. It just happened to be one I didn’t mind thinking about afterwards...”

Her eyes fluttered closed as his lips brushed over her forehead, his warm sigh drifting over her hair. “But about people seeing us… I don’t care if they do. We live here. If anyone’s got a problem with you and me then maybe those people aren’t my people.”

Connix leaned back from him a little to catch his gaze. “Wait. You mean this thing isn’t just… one night?”

He tilted his head slightly to the side, as though genuinely puzzled. “Do you want it to be just one night?”

She was shaking her head before he’d even finished the question. “No. I don’t.”

“Good,” he murmured, his mouth rising into a smile. “Then what do you want? Tell me… Kaydel.”

The emotion that rolled through her when he used her first name – it felt so intense. He’d called her Kaydel for the first time in the wreckage of the star destroyer, when she’d let him know how afraid she was. Now he was saying it for the second time – maybe for the same reason. To let her know it was OK. That he was always there to catch her, no matter what. He’d done it once already; he’d do it again.

“I…” she began, so distracted by the way he was looking at her. By the way his eyes darkened beneath his heavy brow, like she could drown inside his gaze if she held it for too long. “I w-want…”

“You want…?” he teased. His fingers slipped around her wrist, moving her arm a little further behind her. He very gently pressed it to the small of her back, a movement that brought her another step closer towards him. There was only an inch or two between them now.

Her fingers flexed tighter in his. “I don’t want a one-off,” she whispered, noticing the way his teeth scraped over his bottom lip when she said that. Not biting, exactly, but some sort of reflex as he watched her.... “There’s so much more that I want, Poe – with you. And I know I might not be able to have it, but if you want to see what else there is too, then maybe we could—”

“I want it.”

And he didn’t say anything but that. As ever, he shot straight down the line.

“Then maybe you should pull me closer, General,” she whispered, a smile blooming on her lips. “I told you I had a list. I don’t like it when things don’t get ticked off my lists...”

Straight away his hand pressed against her back, closing the last tiny distance between them so quickly that she nearly tripped over one of his boots.

“Then you better clear that list with me, Lieutenant,” he growled, his mouth going to her neck as he held her steady. “It can’t stay classified if you need help getting it all done…”

She gasped when his stubble scraped over her skin, his lips moving fast and hot towards her ear. And when he gently caught her earlobe in a soft bite, the gasp that followed was more like a moan.

He released his grip on her wrist, both of his hands going to her hips, fingers digging in as he pressed her against him. She didn’t think he could bring her any closer to him, but he managed it. That was when she looped her arms around his neck, the useless, torn tank top draping over his shoulders.

Then: a creak in the darkness. A window of one of the academy buildings had angled open. Someone was awake.

Connix instinctively took a step back from Poe, her arms dropping away from his shoulders.

“So I guess you don’t want to be seen?” His fingers flexed once on her hips before letting go.

“I don’t… Maybe we should just…” she stammered, suddenly confused about which of her roles should take precedence here. A responsible lieutenant? A woman following her desires? “Look, perhaps it’s best that we’re not. A lot has changed for everybody. Let’s not throw them another curved hoverball just yet.”

After a short moment – and a barely discernible crease between his eyebrows – he nodded. “OK. I hear you.”

He offered his hand in case she was happy to take it, and they continued to make their way up the path, fingers entwined.

“Is there something you like about this being a secret?” he asked.

She looked across at him. Saw the small smirk on his face. “Maybe for now. Having something nobody else knows about… It’s kind of exciting, isn’t it?”

His gaze ran over her then. It travelled slowly down her body and then back, and by the time he caught her eye again she felt at least ten degrees hotter than before.

“Yeah,” he said confidently. “Makes me want it even more...”

He kissed her again that night – in the elevator as they made their way up to the suite floor in darkness. The mirrored wall of the car was cool against her back as he pressed her up against it. His hands pulled at her shirt, fingers tracing her skin, thumbs brushing the undercurve of her breasts. She didn’t have to hide her moans, knowing the whirring mechanics above the car hid the sound from the rest of the building. They also hid the way he sighed – though it was more a growl than a sigh – when she pushed her fingers into his dark curly hair, tightening and pulling just a touch.

As soon as they were out in the silent suite corridor he pulled her towards his bedroom door, their bodies hitting the solid surface with a bump. Connix rose up on her tiptoes and began to kiss her way across his neck but his hands were in her hair, moving her face so that her mouth was on his lips instead.

“Inside,” he muttered, his breath in hers. “I want you to come in…”

Visions of falling on to his bed flitted through her mind as her hands moved beneath the hem of his T-shirt. Her fingertips danced across his back and slipped round to his side – and suddenly he began to laugh.

“Oh, Poe Dameron… Are you ticklish?” she whispered with joy.

“No, I— Stop!” His body twitched and he laughed again as she drew her nails across his flexing back muscles.

She quickly pulled one hand away, pressing it against his mouth to stifle the sound. The second she did, the look in his eyes quickly switched from amusement to pure and unfiltered lust.

The swift change ground all her movements to a halt. Connix whimpered in pleasure – in anticipation – as he grabbed her hand, moved it, and bit down gently on her fingertips. His other hand moved behind him, searching for the door handle.

“N-no,” she whispered halfheartedly, yet unable to resist the instinct to move her body against his. To relive the rhythm and the bliss she now knew he would bring to her, on every level. “I shouldn’t come in, we—”

“We can,” he growled.

Her gasp was so loud when he kissed the centre of her palm, his tongue slipping like hot silk over her skin. Down her wrist it travelled as he lifted her arm up. Across the inside of her forearm and around it, where it sent shockwaves through the Force-heal she could barely see any more. And then his mouth was at the inside of her elbow, where her skin felt so oddly and exquisitely vulnerable. And before she knew it, he’d pulled her arm all the way up and around the back of his neck and was holding it there.

Connix could feel herself growing weak as she sank helplessly against him. She was very quickly learning that he could bring her to a state of abandon in an incredibly short amount of time – and if she wasn’t careful she’d give in and drop to the ground right there, pulling him with her.

“Open the door," she muttered breathlessly. "Open it now. I want—”

And with that, they heard the mechanical whirr of the elevator being called back to the ground floor. The droids were up, ready to begin early housekeeping and breakfast preparation. That meant dawn wasn’t far off. Soon, the occupants of the Old Senate House would be stirring.

Poe groaned quietly. He lowered her arm, squeezing her hand as he pressed it against his chest. For this night, they were out of time.

“Later,” she whispered. “I promise. You and me.”

He nodded once, his head dipping towards hers for one more kiss. Two. A third, just to be sure. “You and me...”

~

NOW – The Old Senate House, Hanna City, Chandrila

After she’d got up and dressed, Kaydel went to the kitchens for caf and food. The building was still quiet, though droids buzzed around efficiently and she could hear movement elsewhere on the suite floor as she returned to her room. 

Sitting down on the couch in the living area of her suite, she propped her commlink on the table in front of her and sent a request to her parents. She didn’t want her mother worrying about her failure to check in for their agreed holo-call the previous evening, so she’d take care of it now, before Senator Hackett arrived with Barrus Thorne's comms device.

While she waited for the link to connect, she took a sip of caf, swallowed a painkiller and picked up her bowl of chopped fruit. Dr Kalonia would be checking in on her later to make sure she was (or wasn’t) doing all the things she should (or shouldn’t). Kaydel could at least say she was eating properly, even if she wasn’t resting quite as well.

Buttery yellow sunlight filtered through the open windows now, along with the distant noises of the city waking up. Kaydel chewed on a sweet snowgrape, and when the connection to her parents’ holo-device rang out she reset it and checked her chrono. They should still be up – it wasn’t that late on Dulathia. As the beeps droned on, she closed her eyes briefly and found herself hovering around the edges of her dreams again.

A decision was coming. Another one.

As time went on, she was only becoming more convinced that the choice she’d made to stay away from Poe was wrong. The more she thought about how they had come to be – what they were together, and everything they’d been through in this short space of time – the more her instincts cried out to her that their being separated was not the way it was supposed to be.

She was trying to reach out with her feelings as best she could – the way Leia always talked about – and in return it was starkly clear that all of Kaydel’s feelings kept going one way, and one way only. She could survive without him, but she couldn’t bear the thought of it. Every strand of her being was trying to get back to him; she knew that now. And she knew what that meant.

It was all well and good, in practice, to do what she thought was the right thing. But that noble path – the one that seemed to be the best for everyone else – felt so much like the worst one for both herself and Poe. That was assuming she knew what was going on inside his mind, of course...

Which begged the question: would he even want her back after this? Had he changed his mind about what he’d alluded to the other morning: that he might be in love with her? She knew he still cared for her – his obsession with her recovery was proof of that – but the truth was that she’d abandoned him after a string of traumatic events.

And it wasn’t as if she didn’t know he was already struggling. He’d never said it out loud; that wasn’t his way. But he’d shown her, that night when he’d dressed her scars and almost broken down in front of her. He’d been so close to falling apart, and still she'd chosen to walk away…

That wasn’t something that could be taken back lightly. It could even be considered unforgivable. She’d hurt him, she knew she had, and he might not be able to move past that. He might not want her back at all.

Kaydel Ko Connix might be more trouble than she was worth, and she needed to be ready to accept that.

The only way she would know for sure?

“I have to talk to him,” she murmured.

There was a loud click, a buzz of static, and a holo bloomed into life above the table in front of her.

Sunpetal, are you OK? I missed you last night.”

Kaydel took a steadying breath. “I’m fine, Mom, I just fell asleep after dinner. Listen, what you said when I told you about Poe…”

Which part, my darling?

“You asked me if I thought things might be different if he knew that I loved him, and I… I think you were right. I’m going to tell him. I need to tell Poe that I love him.”

 

Thank you for reading! I would love to receive your kudos  if you enjoyed this chapter

Keep an eye out for Chapter Thirteen on Friday 20th May


 

 

Notes:

Composite image of Kelly Marie Tran (Rose Tico) and Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Senator Hackett) from https://www.elle.com/culture/movies-tv/a12468957/rise-up-november-2017/ and https://www.theguardian.com/film/2020/aug/20/joseph-gordon-levitt-playing-a-cop-means-something-different-now

GIF of Billie Lourd (Kaydel Ko Connix) from https://www.tumbip.com/tag/billie%20lourd%20gif

GIF of Oscar Isaac (Poe Dameron) from https://gifer.com/en/Pxqt

Image of couple at night-time from https://www.istockphoto.com/photos/couple-kissing-at-night-alley

Chapter 14: Chapter Thirteen

Notes:

The song that accompanies this chapter is THE SHOW GOES ON by Bruce Hornsby and The Range. Search "The General and the Lieutenant" on Spotify for the playlist!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

NOW – The Old Senate House, Hanna City, Chandrila

When Poe walked out on to the terrace early in the morning, he discovered he wasn’t the only one up and awake. His father was sitting at one of the tables, a mug of caf steaming in front of him as he watched the sun climb up from the horizon.

“Hey, Dad. Sleep well?”

Poe pulled out a chair, sat down, and drank some of his own caf. He’d stopped in at the kitchens on his way out, where the droids had already started preparing early breakfasts. A rather matronly droid who reminded him of Peazy had tried to press a bowl of fresh fruit on him, but all he’d wanted was the caf, piping hot and strong.

Kes Dameron looked up with a smile. “Morning, son. I slept like the proverbial baby. Some beds you got here.”

“Yeah, they’re not bad.”

“‘Not bad’? Have you taken a good look at this place? It’s a palace compared to the usual Rebel Alliance digs. Wait, my mistake – Resistance digs.”

Poe grinned. “How long you been up?”

“A while. You know me, up with the flame-lark.”

Poe had to think what that was for a few seconds. Then he remembered the bright, long-tailed birds that roosted in the trees bordering the ranch back on Yavin IV. They were deep red, with orange-plumed chests that puffed up when they sang at sunrise. As a little boy he’d thought they looked like a set of glowing lanterns, strung among the branches.

“I don’t think there are flame-larks on Chandrila,” he said. “I haven’t heard any.”

Kes shook his head. “On a planet like this? Nah. The weather might be good but it’s not humid enough for the flame-lark.”

“Have you been here before? To Chandrila, I mean?” Poe asked, genuinely curious.

Kes had served as a Spec-Force Pathfinder under Han Solo’s generalship, but Poe had no idea if his dad had ever come here when the unit was still active. Han and Leia had, of course, what with her being instrumental in the formation of the New Republic Senate – although Poe was pretty sure his parents had left the Rebel Alliance and moved back to Yavin IV by then.

“Nope,” Kes replied. “Heard talk of Chandrila many times, but I never saw it myself except for on the HoloNet. Anyway: flame-larks, whisper-birds, coastal chitterwings… Doesn’t really matter which bird it is or what planet I’m on. Once that first note leaves the first beak, my eyes are open.”

Poe knew that much was true. Even if Kes hadn’t been trained to rise before dawn in all those years on active duty, the farming life made that kind of body clock essential.

And suddenly, an unexpected feeling of loss came over Poe. There was a lot he still didn’t know about his dad’s life, and he’d missed so much of it. To see the shocks of grey hair that now outweighed the genetically glossy Dameron black told a very real story about how much time had passed.

“What?” Kes’s brows knitted together in concern. “Lothcat got your tongue?”

Poe shook his head. “Just thinking how long it’s been since I last saw you.”

“Yeah,” his father agreed solemnly. “Too long. We’re not leaving that big of a gap from here on out. Agree?”

“I do.” Poe shifted in his seat. “Dad, listen, I…”

Kes waited patiently as Poe tried to form his thoughts into something brief but coherent.

“We didn’t really talk much after I left the ranch,” he eventually managed to say.

Kes waved a casual hand, but the look in his eyes was not as carefree as his gesture. “Nah, but it is what it is. Once you joined the New Republic Navy – and especially when you hopped a wing over to Leia’s Resistance – I knew you’d be otherwise engaged. I remember that life. Doesn’t give you a lot of space for time off. Not unless you quit.”

“Yeah, I know,” Poe said. “But I mean before that. Before the Navy, and the Resistance. We’ve never really talked about that time, and when I left Yavin you were still…” He fumbled for the words.

“A mess,” Kes offered.

Poe rubbed his hand over his jaw, unsure how to respond.

A mess,” Kes reiterated with a nod, firm but kind. “It’s true, let’s not shine it up, Poe. I was so lost in my own grief for your mother that I forgot to take your loss into account as much as I should have. And I know that’s why you ended up disappearing off to Kijimi with—”

“I know, Dad, I know.” Poe held up a hand. “Look, let’s not talk about Kijimi. I wanted to talk to you about something else.”

Kes seemed to consider something before nodding. “All right. But your feelings are important to me, son. All of them – past, present and future. Did you… want to talk about your mom?”

Poe frowned, already losing the handle he thought he had on what he wanted to say.

“All right, maybe that’s not it,” Kes said gently. “Come on, Poe. Something’s not right. I know I haven’t seen you for years and you’ve been through a lot in that time, but you just have this look on your face.”

“What look?”

Kes moved his palm vaguely over his own features. “Like you’re haunted. No, not haunted… What do I mean?” he muttered, looking down at the table in thought. Then he snapped his fingers together. “It’s like you’re off-course. Like you’ve lost your way in the dark and can’t find the light. You can’t get back to the place you’re meant to be. Make sense?”

Poe swallowed. It made sense, all right. “Yeah, something like that,” he murmured.

“OK,” Kes said, his voice calm and soothing. “Look, I can and will listen to whatever you need to talk about, but I need to say right out of the gates that I’m kinda rusty at this sort of thing. I may not be able to say anything that’ll help you.”

“I know. And I’m not even sure what I’m asking, really, but when Mom—”

And there it was. Poe could feel fear – the cold shape of loss – rising within him. He shook his head as his thoughts tried their hardest to turn away. To back down from the spectre of grief, as they had done so many times before.

“Look, don’t worry about it,” he mumbled eventually, rubbing a hand over his face.

“Oh, but I will worry – you must know that,” Kes said. “I’m in your life for the first time in years, so I’ll be damned if I don’t at least try to help you, however I can.” Then, after a pause: “So, who’s this all about?”

Who?” Poe repeated.

“Come on, son. Who is she?”

Poe sighed, unable to conceal the fact that Kay wasn’t the first thing at the front of his every thought. “She’s…”

But he couldn’t say her name. Almost couldn’t bear to feel the shape of it on his lips.

Kes watched his son thoughtfully. “Look, I may be a pathfinder by trade but any old fool with at least one eye could see this from ten klicks off. It’s that blonde lieutenant, right? Kaydel?”

Poe’s acknowledgement was barely audible.

“Yeah, I thought so.”

“What do you mean, ‘you thought so’?” Poe said, his dad’s look of supreme understanding almost making him laugh. “You’ve been here, like, two days and you barely know her!”

His father just chuckled. “Please. It’s all in the way you looked at her when you introduced me. That and the fact you track her like she’s a rescue beacon whenever she’s moving around the place. When you see her your face changes, like you’ve been stuck in a cave for months and she’s sunshine and fresh air.”

Poe sighed. “All right, I get the point. Yes, it’s her. But it’s kind of a long story…”

His father opened his arms up in a welcoming gesture. “Hey, I got time. Don’t have much of anything else these days. Wanna tell me about it? How long have you—”

“Hey, man,” Finn said to Poe, as he stepped out on to the terrace. “Morning, Sergeant Dameron,” he added, nodding to Kes.

“Finn, please, my sergeant days are long gone,” Poe’s father said with a broad smile as he stood up to shake Finn’s hand. “And it’s just Kes, remember?”

Finn put his other hand to his forehead. “I do remember – I’m sorry. I’ll get used to it.”

“What’s up, bud?” Poe asked, already standing.

“I’m heading down to the academy grounds to hand out the identity files. Hopefully without any diversions this time.”

“Need a hand?”

“Nah, Rose is going to help me, but thanks.”

Kes drained his caf and looked at the two young generals. “I haven’t seen this fabled academy yet. That old fast-talker Lando Calrissian down there, by any chance?”

Poe nodded. “Probably – I know Jannah’s meant to be doing a debrief with him at some point today.”

“In that case, I think I might head down there. It’d be great to catch up,” Kes said, straightening his shirt. “He still wear capes?”

“Yeah, sometimes,” Finn chuckled. “I can take you in a few minutes. Rose is just getting some caf first.”

“I’ll take him,” Poe interjected, before his father could accept Finn’s offer. “We’ll meet you down there.”

Nodding his agreement, Finn disappeared back into the building while Poe and Kes walked down the terrace steps, heading for the path that led to the academy.

“So, you were saying…” Kes said pointedly.

“I’m not even sure what I was trying to say. I just—” Poe pushed a hand through his hair. “These past couple of weeks I’ve been thinking about… About when Mom died. How it changed you.”

“Ah,” Kes said on a soft breath, his gaze rising to look out across the Silver Sea as they left the gardens.

“I know a lot of time’s gone by since then, but I still remember how cut up you were. Sometimes it was like you’d stopped living.” Poe glanced across at his father. Suddenly he looked so much older, and Poe felt a rush of emotion move through him. “Dad, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone be such a physical representation of what it looked like to be left behind.”

“Yeah, well… That’s how it felt. In many ways your mother and I just didn’t get enough time. And losing the one you love will do that to you,” Kes murmured, looking at his boots as they walked. Then he lifted his gaze and caught his son’s eye. “I take it you love this Kaydel.”

He said it as a statement, not a question, and Poe didn’t know how to respond to that.

Kes laid a warm hand on his son’s shoulder. “Guess it might hurt you to answer. Looks to me like there’s a whole lot going on around this thing that I don’t know about.”

“You could say that,” Poe replied, thinking to himself: A whole lot? That’s one way of putting it...

So much had happened so fast with Kaydel. Such unimaginable highs followed by the most fearsome of lows. It was like he’d found her on Jakku and then damn near lost her the morning she got shot, only to catch her by the tips of her fingers and then have her slip away again. His mind had been so fogged by memories of her these past few days that he still couldn’t pin down what he was really trying to say.

Was he asking for help on having to handle life without her? Or was he asking for permission to get her back? For an endorsement from someone who’d got time with the one they loved, only to have that time cut tragically short?

“Let me guess,” Kes continued, as they ambled down the path, the small stones crunching beneath their boots. “You’re scared of getting hurt if she doesn’t love you back. Or maybe it’s already too late for that?”

I know she loves me, Poe thought out of nowhere – and the idea that part of him felt so confident about that startled him down to the ground. If she did love him then surely she wouldn’t have ending things…?

“Dad, it’s not that I’m scared of—” he began, so aware of his father waiting for a response. “I think I need to... I mean, I don't know if she— Pfassk it, why can’t I say what I mean?” he said, his voice rising as he kept tripping over his words. 

“Hey, hey…” Kes’s fingers tightened on Poe’s shoulder in a reassuring grip as they stopped walking and faced each other. “Look, maybe now’s just not the time, OK? You think on it, and we’ll get there.”

Poe dragged a hand through his hair. “I just— I wanted to ask about you and Mom. How you made it work when you were serving the Rebellion, and you knew something could happen to either one of you at any time. Would you still have—”

“Poe,” Kes said calmly. His gaze was so full of fondness, and yet laced with sadness, that his son’s words ran quiet. “We made it work because we wanted it to. Hell yes, the mission was an important one, but so was your mother to me, and me to her. That’s why we left when we did – because by then we had you, and yet we never saw you except on a brief holo every once in a while. That’s when the priority became clear. And as for something happening to one of us at any minute… Well, look how that turned out.”

The soft sea breeze skittered a leaf across the path, the surf rolling gently in the distance, and Poe waited. Waited for his dad to say something he sensed the man had been needing to say for many years.

“Your mother and I went home to Yavin for a quiet life, one with less danger and more time to be together – and yet five years later she was gone. But she got those five years with you, Poe, and I will never be anything but eternally grateful for that.”

Kes looked away, clearing his throat, and Poe blinked to try to relieve the stinging feeling in his eyes. When Kes’s gaze returned to his son, his brow had taken on a look of certainty – something a little stronger, as if a directive was coming.

“Whether we lost your mother in the war against the Empire, or in one of the many aerial battles she fought, or in a time and place much closer to today, it was never going to hurt any different. But that’s exactly why you do it, Poe: taking these risks, being with the one you love. Because you don’t know how long you’ve got. If you love this Kaydel and she doesn’t know that, then you need to tell her.”

“Morning, gentlemen,” a voice called.

The two men looked up to see Jannah waving from the door of her office and then heading up the path towards them. As Poe registered how close they were to the academy grounds, he saw clusters of people milling around outside the barracks’ apartments. Others were headed down to the training ground, while Company 77 were cleaning weapons on stacks of crates outside the weapons warehouse, ready for a training exercise.

Poe offered her a tight smile but said nothing. Suddenly he wanted to get out of there, away from everybody. His thoughts were firing through his head so fast that even he was surprised by his inability to keep up with them. He needed space.

He needed to think about what he was going to say to Kaydel, and then he needed to find her.

As he turned to walk towards Jannah, his father put a brief hand on his shoulder again and spoke quietly. “Bottom line? You only get this one life, son. And so does Kaydel. Both of you need to make it count.”

Poe nodded, trying to impart to his dad how much he valued what had just been shared between them. But this wasn’t the time or the place, so all he said was, “Thanks, Dad.”

Kes smiled softly and turned to Jannah, hand outstretched. “Kes Dameron, pleased to meet you.”

Jannah introduced herself, her gaze moving evenly between the two men. “Well, well – you two do look alike!”

“I’d keep that from my son, if I were you,” Kes chuckled. “I don’t think he’s too enamoured with the fact that one day his hair’ll turn as grey as mine.”

“Jannah, could you introduce my dad to some of the folks down here?” Poe said. “I’m sure he’d like to get to know people, see how things have changed since the Rebellion days.”

“Sounds like a great way to spend my morning,” Kes replied. “Permission to put ’em through a few of their paces?”

His quick wink brought a bright grin to Jannah’s face, and Poe found himself smiling. “Sure, why not,” he agreed. “See how we do things now and we’ll compare notes later.”

“That and the rest of our discussion,” Kes said, nodding to his son before he walked away.

After Poe had gone a short way back up the path to the Old Senate House, he turned to glance over his shoulder. A small group of people had already congregated around his dad, all of them taking turns to shake the hand of one of the legendary heroes of the original Rebel Alliance. Kes was grinning like he was in his element, and sadness pulled a frown over Poe’s brow.

He’d never made time to check in with his dad since joining the Resistance. It was a combination of never knowing what to say, while also being aware that Leia was sending her old Rebellion friend brief updates every now and then, therefore giving Poe a free pass on having to do anything.

Judging by the reception Kes was getting now, though – and how keen he was to see Lando again – Poe began to wonder if coming to help the Resistance out over the last couple of years would’ve been something his dad might have enjoyed. He could have seen Han again, and Leia too… But it was just too late.

Poe sighed. Sometimes it felt like history kept on repeating itself, one generation removed. His mom and dad, Ben’s parents, Lando, Chewie – plus Wedge and some of the others who’d turned up at Exegol – were a diverse group of people who came together to advance the rebel cause against the Empire before Poe and most of his friends were even born. Some of those original Rebellion fighters had stayed for ever, some had drifted away, others were gone too soon… Wasn’t it just like him and Finn, Rey and Ben, Rose, Jannah… and Kay?

They’d already lost so many good people. Snap in particular was never far from Poe’s mind, especially whenever he noticed Karé’s absence. She was still staying with Norra and Wedge on Akiva, having taken leave after the battle of Exegol, and while Poe hoped she would come back one day, Snap’s death had hit her hard. They’d only been married for a little over a year... Another couple broken apart by tragedy, who should’ve had more time. Who should've had a real life together. 

It would be so easy to give up on that fairytale idea of living happily ever after when you'd witnessed such an unimaginable amount of loss. Trying to predict what was going to happen to yourself or the people you cared about would never be anything but futile. But did that mean they should all live a safe life? Cut all ties in preparation for the day when the Force would cut them for you?

No,” Poe murmured.

Because Poe Dameron didn’t give up. There was always a way, and even if he couldn’t see one he’d try his damnedest to seek one out. And that began with finding Kaydel. Finding her and telling her the whole truth: that he loved her.

At that moment, a bird flew directly across the path in front of Poe. It shrieked as it headed towards a small grove of cedar trees to his left, and suddenly he realized where he was. Without even thinking about it, he stepped off the path and walked over the grass into the leafy enclave.

These were the trees he had stood beneath not so very long ago, on the night of the senators’ welcome reception. An evening where he and his friends had received a taste of a normal life, even though it ended up being the calm before the storm.

But on that night, he hadn’t been alone beneath these trees…

 

Thank you for reading! I would love to receive your kudos  if you enjoyed this chapter

Keep an eye out for Chapter Fourteen on Friday 27th May

 

 

Notes:

Image of Oscar Isaac (Poe Dameron) from https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/source-material-rexshutterstock-oscar-isaac-on-the-set-of-life-itself-in-new-york-city-ny-22nd-march-2017--477874210447373423/

Image of Andy Garcia (Kes Dameron) from http://siciliatoday.net/quotidiano/articolo.php?Andy-Garcia-sara-Don-Salvatore-per-l-Amaro-Averna-6799

Illustration of Han Solo and Kes Dameron from "Star Wars: Shattered Empire no. 3" by Greg Rucka, Marco Checchetto, Angel Unzueta and Andres Mossa (Marvel Comics 2015)

GIF of Oscar Isaac (in reverse) from https://tenor.com/view/moon-knight-sad-depressed-oscar-isaac-steven-grant-gif-25260212

Image of Kes Dameron, Shara Bey and baby Poe Dameron on holo from "Star Wars: Empire Ascendant no. 1" by Charles Soule, Luke Ross, Clayton Cowles and Guru-eFX (Marvel Comics 2019)

Chapter 15: Chapter Fourteen

Notes:

The song that accompanies this chapter is GOOD FOR YOU by Selena Gomez and A$AP Rocky. Search "The General and the Lieutenant" on Spotify for the playlist link!

Chapter Text

*WARNING: This chapter contains sexual content*

 

THEN (35 ABY, during Chapter 62 of “Ben Solo: The Way Home”)

Academy Grounds, The Old Senate House, Hanna City, Chandrila

“Oh, you better mean that,” Connix says. Because Poe’s hand has just slid over her skirt and around her behind, his fingertips exploring a little further beyond that.

It’s dark on the path that leads back to the Old Senate House, and when she stumbles – surprised and yet thrilled by his actions – his hand whips back to her waist, almost as if he were trying to feign innocence.

The low noise and chatter of the senatorial evening reception floats on the breeze from the gardens above. Poe glances up the path to check that the Minister for Yavin IV and her assistant have disappeared back to the party. He gets the answer he wanted – he and Connix are alone.

When he looks back at her the glowing moon makes her eyes shine, casting her features in shades of grey. Blood rushes through his veins at the sultry smile on her lips.

He leans closer, his breath stirring her hair, his hand moving over her body again. Like he never wants to stop.

Try me…” he whispers.

She does. Before he can blink she’s pulling him by his jacket collar, off the path and into a dark grove of trees. Her long golden skirt ripples in the moonlight and her hair slips over her shoulder as she looks back at him. There’s mischief in her eyes, and he doesn’t think he could want anything more. She backs up against a large cedar tree, and as soon as she hits it her hands go straight to his belt.

“Right away?” He raises an eyebrow. “You damn sure like it fast, Connix. Whatever happened to a little romance?”

“I’m sure there’ll be time for you to show me your romantic side later, but that’s not what I want right now.”

He nuzzles the side of her neck. His lips mark the beat of her pulse, his body pressing her up against the tree trunk. “I do have one, you know. There are sides to me you’ve never seen.”

She laughs, soft and delicious in the darkness. “Me too.”

“Oh yeah? There’s still more of you for me to discover?”

“Well, now that I think about it,” she says ponderingly, tipping her head to one side as if in thought, “maybe you do know this side of me...”

“Is it the one that always gets what she wants? The one that loves to take a risk?” he asks, punctuating his suggestions with kisses along her collarbone.

“No,” she whispers. “I’m talking about the one that always comes prepared.”

She takes his hands then, lowering them to her skirt. He’s transfixed by the way she smiles as he delves beneath the silky fabric, and he’s so eager to touch her. When his fingertips finally meet her skin, moving across the tops of her thighs, he suddenly stops still. Raises an eyebrow. Catches a breath before he can lose it.

“You’re not— you’re not wearing…” But he can’t finish his sentence. 

She slowly shakes her head, looping her arms casually around his shoulders. “Correct. I’m not. You know it’s in the line of my duty, General, to make life easier for you. Isn’t that what I’ve always done? I’m not about to change the habit now...”

Not quite able to believe it, he leans away so he can look at her properly. Joy dances in her eyes, spiced with a desire his body cannot wait to match.

“This whole time?”

“Uh-huh,” she responds breathily.

“And you decided this when you got dressed for tonight? So while we were all up on the terrace you were—?”

“I did, and I was… Just for you, Poe. So what’s your strategy now?”

The fabric of her skirt slips over his forearms as he continues his exploration. Dapples of moonlight shimmer on the golden material, his fingers tracing their way around her thighs. When she sighs, her arms a little tighter around his neck, he returns one hand to where it started. Palm spread wide. His thumb dances perilously close to the very heart of her and she begins to tremble. He can hear the delicate lace pattern of whimpering on her breath.

“And this is what you needed all along?” he asks, moving his thumb ever so slowly. “You wanted my hands?” His gaze rakes over her hungry eyes, her parted lips, her hair draped so softly over her shoulders.

She nods. Her breath has started to catch, and her fingers have moved up into the curls at the nape of his neck. “Not just your hands…”

“No?” He raises an eyebrow. “Something more like this?”

He moves both hands to her ass, his grip tightening almost bruisingly hard on her flesh. She gasps – and it’s music to his ears. In one swift move, he lifts her off the ground, takes one step forward, and pins her against the tree with his hips.

“Yes,” she breathes, her voice already growing ragged as her legs wrap round him. “That’s what I want.”

“What happened to needing my hands?” he asks, pretending to look confused.

She shakes her head weakly, as if doing so is a waste of her energy reserves. “I did, but… but not now. Now I just want you, Poe. Please, I can’t wait…”

“You sure?”

Her hair drifts over her shoulders as she nods. “I’m sure. All night I’ve thought about you and me like this.”

“And by ‘this’ you mean…” he teases, his eyes searching hers. “You can say it. Tell me...”

“Hard and fast,” she replies quickly, and then her hands go to his face, her upper body pressing back against the tree so that her lower body moves against him.

Poe doesn’t need to be told twice. He quickly finishes the job she’d already started on his belt, lifts her a little higher, and positions her right on target.

Holding her steady, he slowly brings her body down and her heat begins to sink over him like a sunset. Satisfaction ripples through his muscles, melting away any tension his body might've been holding.

“Oh, you’ve been thinking about this, haven’t you, baby?” he asks, through a grin. And it’s not even a question, because he can already feel the answer.

She sighs so sweetly, long and drawn out, as her body settles completely into place with him. Her fingers interlace at the back of his neck and her eyes close.

“I have. Every hour, every minute.”

“Mmm… I can feel just how much you’ve been thinking about me.”

Her eyes, when they open to meet his gaze, are drowsy with lust. If he could seize this image of her and imprint it on his mind, to keep from now until the end of time...

But “Damn it, Connix, if you only knew…” is all he can say. And for several seconds he's still, simply holding her against the cedar tree with his body. His heart and his soul.

“Please,” she whispers, trying to rise, to pull him closer, to roll her hips against his.

But he presses her back a little harder so she can’t gain purchase. All he wants is one more second just to savour this sensation: the cool midnight air, the sound of the sea behind them. How she feels in his arms – and the warmth of the very core of her, to which his body can’t help but be addicted already.

Already…

“Please?” she repeats, taking his face in her hands. She kisses him just once, the softness of her breath like no comfort he’s ever known, and then she looks into his eyes.

“Please what?” he responds, his voice low. Every ounce of his determination is being directed into the effort of staying totally still.

“Please, General.”

“No.” He shakes his head. “Try again.”

She frowns a little, though her parted lips are curving into a smile, looking anything but unhappy. “Please… Black Leader?”

He grins. “Nope.”

She moans then, frustration edging on to her expression even as she's smiling. When she wriggles against him, the ensuing waves of pleasure threaten to crash right through his resolve.

He bites his lip, because he can barely take the feeling that comes over him when her gaze pierces his, looking almost right down to the depths of his soul. Realization has dawned. She knows what to say.

Please, Poe. Please give me what I need…”

“There you go,” he responds, and his mouth is on hers, his lips catching both her smile and her request. “You have no idea how much I love hearing my name come out of your mouth like that. Are you ready?”

“For you? I’ve never been anything but,” she counters, and he feels her arms tighten around the back of his neck in readiness.

He mutters a curse word and takes a step back. First he lifts her a little higher, and when he drives himself into her she gasps sharply. Her head rocks backwards, her hair shuddering around her face with the energy of the movement.

As he sets the pace a loud cry erupts from her mouth, and he grins.

“You want to maybe keep that down?” he laughs. “Whole damn Senate party’s gonna know what we’re doing if you carry on like that.”

And she’s laughing with him, but she’s getting increasingly breathless. “I thought I could... be quiet but I c-can’t…”

She moves an arm from the back of his neck, clapping her hand over her mouth to muffle the sounds of her ecstasy.

“That’s one for the record,” he says. “I’ve never seen you actively try to be quiet, Connix.”

“Then how about I... move my hand so… the world can hear me scream your name?” she pants, her muted voice perfectly audible to his ears and nobody else’s.

He pauses for a second and she catches the slight change in his expression.

“How could I have guessed! Part of you… likes the idea of that?” Her smile is sparklingly clear in her eyes even though he can’t see her mouth.

“I mean, I can’t say I hate it…”

When he resumes the rhythm and her back hits the tree trunk, her hand slips from her mouth. This time, her moan splits the midnight air like a blaster-shot. Suddenly she’s grabbing for one of his hands and he has to adjust his position accordingly, moving his left arm further beneath her and bending a leg to press her harder up against the tree.

She pulls his free hand up between them, and when she places it over her mouth and holds it there with her own, he inhales sharply through gritted teeth.

“You drive me fragging crazy, you know that?” he mutters.

His thumb is now resting on the front of her throat, tracking every elevation in her pulse – and she winks at him.

He moves faster, and her head begins to drop to one side. Her muffled moans are getting louder, her breath hot and quick against his palm.

Both her hands are grappling around the back of his neck as she tries to secure herself against him, but her body has started to tremble all over and she’s losing her strength. Poe realizes he has no choice – no other want or need, in fact – than to lift her higher, further, faster.

Oh! Right there,” she cries, though the true sound of her lust remains muted behind the palm of his hand.

“You’re so close already, aren’t you, baby?” he whispers, watching the waves of her hair dance around her face with his every motion.

She nods weakly. “I just need… a little more...”

“How?” he whispers. “How do you need it? Say the word and I’ll do it, Connix. I can give you what you want, baby – all you have to do is tell me.”

“D-deeper, Poe… More of you. Please...

He shakes his head, just once. “Sure as hell weren’t kidding when you said you wanted it hard and fast.”

She takes a shuddery in-breath against his palm and her eyes open, lazy and honey-slow. As he leans back to catch a view of her whole face he can hear his own breath grow ragged.

“The truth, Poe… It’s the truth,” she breathes, amid the weakened state in which he’s holding her. “I want all of you – and I would never… lie to you.”

His hand drops away from her mouth, fingers delving into her hair as he presses his mouth urgently to hers. He slants his head to one side to kiss her deeper, every part of him wanting contact, connection. Wanting her.

And Poe’s body follows her orders. As hard as he can, one arm still tight beneath her, his muscles screaming as he gives her everything she’s asking for.

His kisses catch every one of her moans, and somewhere in the far distance, a little voice wonders if this will drive away his need for her – or will he only want her more…? But the thought disappears like lightning in a stormcloud.

As he continues to move just the way she wants him to, her reaction to it all becomes increasingly untethered and blissful, so sweetly honest in its abandon.

“Come on, baby, I can feel you right on the edge…” he murmurs against her lips.

“Because of you,” she manages. “It’s only you...”

“So let go now. It’s OK… Let go for me, Kaydel.”

As soon as he says her name, her moan intensifies so that it’s almost a sob, and he breathes it all in. Then she’s trembling, inhaling sharply, her face tilting up to the moonlit sky beyond the trees. Leaning back to watch, he sees her eyes disappear beneath the fast fluttering of her eyelashes. Her body locks down, her hands gripping his forearm, his shoulder. The strong and ever-rolling waves of her ecstasy rise from the very depths of her, dancing around him and pulling him into their riptide.

“There you go…” he says, his voice low. “Give in, baby. I've got you.”

He watches in wonder as her brow creases with the total abandonment of it, her whimpers so helpless as she opens her eyes to look at him. Then she whispers three words that book-end her original request:

Thank you, Poe.

That’s when he follows her over the edge, losing himself fully in the fall as if what it might do to him doesn’t even matter any more.

With one final fast move, his hand slams against the trunk above her head. He braces her tight against the cedar tree with his whole body, holding her there for as long as she needs it.

His forehead drops to rest against her shoulder and her hand smooths over the back of his neck.

“Thank you,” she whispers once more, peppering kisses over his temple, her fingers moving up into his hair. “Thank you… for being anything and everything I could ever ask for.”

And he can’t even think what to say in response. Just lifts his head to look at her. How luminous she is in the moonlight. How she somehow meets his every emotion, every need, without even knowing. How she, too, is anything and everything he could’ve dreamed about.

“Kaydel, you…” he begins.

But the words are lost. So he just kisses her. One long, soft kiss as she cradles his face in her hands.

Once he’s set her down on her feet she straightens her skirt. In the moonlight he notices tiny twigs and tree bark in her hair, so he plucks them all out, dropping them on to the soft dark grass. He turns her in his arms to make sure he’s got it all – and that’s when he sees it.

“Oh, Kaydel...”

“What?” she asks, trying to look over her shoulder. “What is it?”

He lifts her hair, gently running his fingers over her shoulders and the parts of her upper back that are exposed by her cropped black top. Then down lower, above the waistband of her skirt. Raised red marks and scratches decorate almost the entire expanse of her beautifully freckled skin.

“You’re scratched up pretty bad.” Then in a sterner tone: “This is not OK. How could I have—”

“Hey. What did I tell you back on Jakku?” she says, turning to face him.

He huffs out a sigh. “You’re OK unless you tell me otherwise,” he repeats, almost dutifully.

Her smile is luminescent in the darkness. “Exactly. And anyway, I like the idea of being marked by you... Nobody knows about it except for us.”

He groans, his hands delving down to the curves of her ass, bringing her close one more time so he can kiss her neck, breathe her in.

“They’ll know if they see all that,” he says, lifting her hair and kissing a quick path along the top of her shoulder. “You need to wear my jacket.”

She concedes to his suggestion – not that he’d have it any other way – and when they walk back into the gardens of the Old Senate House a short while later to re-join the reception, Poe’s black jacket is draped casually around Kaydel’s shoulders.

Rose, standing near the path’s opening, raises an inquisitive eyebrow as they approach.

“Connix got cold,” Poe says bluntly.

Rose looks at her friend and smiles, passing her a drink. “Oh, yeah. Balmy night like this? Sure you did.” 

 

Thank you for reading! I would love to receive your kudos  if you enjoyed this chapter!

Keep an eye out for Chapter Fifteen on Friday 3rd June

 

 

Chapter 16: Chapter Fifteen

Notes:

The songs that accompany this chapter are GOLD DUST WOMAN by Fleetwood Mac and LISTEN TO YOUR HEART (live) by Roxette. Search "The General and the Lieutenant" on Spotify for the playlist!

*WARNING: This chapter contains very brief sexual content along with mentions of blood and death*

Chapter Text

NOW – Academy Grounds, The Old Senate House, Hanna City, Chandrila

Poe ran his hand over the cedar tree, its uneven bark rough beneath his fingers. That night with Kaydel felt like so long ago. By that point he was already so bowled over by her, and yet she’d surprised him again with her courage, her humour, her passion, her zest for life and – probably still his favourite part – her smart mouth.

But what happened that night wasn’t so very long ago at all – not really. How was it even possible that so much had happened since then? He sighed, picking up a small fallen branch from the grass and twirling it in his fingers.

They’d had no idea, back then, what was about to happen. They were unaware of the plans that were brewing in the Senate House gardens above them, between two ardent Sith loyalists and a so-called friend who had betrayed the Resistance. They didn’t know that within hours of that very moment among the trees, Kaydel would be bleeding out to within an inch of her life on the path that lay just footsteps away.

Poe exhaled sharply, snapping the twig in two. When he’d woken up that morning, fresh from dreams of her laughing in the waters of the Silver Sea and smiling at him below the blue skies surrounding the Skygarden, it had hurt. All of it.

The loss of her felt so raw, like an open wound inside his heart, but he had to remind himself: she was still here. She might not be with him, but she was safe and well. Alive.

He hadn’t lost her the way his father had lost his mother.

And did those odds just spin on the edge of a credit coin? Was the outcome of a situation in which one person loses their life, but another lives, really so uncontrollable? He’d long wondered if the Force decided these things: who it would take, who it would wait for – at least just for a little while longer. Because they would all end up inside of it, in time.

Kaydel’s brush with death had scared him enough to realize just how much he wanted to be with her. That it could never have been just a bit of fun for a few weeks. It was so much more than that – and for him, he realized, it always had been.

He still believed what he’d said to her in the elevator, the day after Rey and Ben had left for Naboo. He’d told her they should still be allowed to fall in love, Resistance be damned – but it wasn’t just about the job. They all knew life would only take them so far before death claimed them for its own, and they’d never know when that day would come.

So shouldn’t they let themselves fall freely in love wherever they found it? Because what was life if you didn’t live it?

Yet he still hadn’t told her any of this. He hadn’t said those three words – the ones she deserved to hear – and he needed to tell her he’d wait if she wasn’t ready.

It was time for Poe put it all on the line. And if he was lucky, she might say she felt the same. 

~

The Old Senate House, Hanna City, Chandrila

The first place Kaydel looked for him was the comms room, in case he’d left her instructions or information for the day ahead. But when she popped her head into the room after wolfing down her breakfast and telling her mother she’d call her later, Commander D’Acy was the only person in there.

The older woman looked up from her datapad. Steam curled from a tall mug of caf on the desk in front of her. “Good morning. Everything all right?” 

“Fine – thank you, Larma. Have you seen Poe?”

She shook her head. “I haven’t, I’m afraid.”

Kaydel thanked her again and left, heading for the stairs. Perhaps he wasn’t up yet – although she’d be surprised if he wasn’t, seeing as a few of the others already were. It was possible he could still be in his room, so she decided to check there. If he wasn’t, at least she could gradually check her way down through the building before heading to the academy grounds.

When she knocked on his suite door, there was no response.

She opened the door carefully and looked through the gap. “Poe?”

There was no sign of him, but just as she was turning to leave, Kaydel heard a tapping noise that sounded like it was coming from the bedroom area of his suite.

“Poe, it’s me. Can I talk to you?” she ventured once more.

No reply.

Holding her breath, she stepped inside and closed the door carefully behind her. Moved across the living area of his suite towards the open double doors that led into his bedroom. Already she could see that his bed hadn’t been made, just the sheets thrown halfheartedly up towards the pillows. One of them looked smooth and untouched, the other like it'd had a battle with a bantha.

She hesitated for a moment, coming to a stop on the very threshold of his bedroom. As she looked around she noticed an odd green plant on his chest of drawers. When had that appeared? The more she looked at it, the more she realized it didn’t even look like a plant: it looked like a little tree. Instead of a stalk it had a delicate wooded trunk, slim and twisted, as if it was arcing and stretching around the air itself. Tiny green leaves clustered in offshoots around its elegant branches. As she looked at it Kaydel felt an immediate sense of clarity – like everything was coming into focus around her.

Tap-tap. Tap-tap.

The sound was louder now, and it seemed to be coming from the en-suite bathroom. She looked at the door, which was closed, and hesitated. Briefly, she wondered if she should just wait and talk to him another time.

But haven’t you waited enough, both of you?

Kaydel blinked, startled by her own thoughts. Almost as if they had come to her in a voice that wasn’t her own.

She knew she didn’t want to wait to talk to Poe. She wanted him to know she was sorry, that she’d messed up, made a mistake. She needed to take it all back because she wanted him – more than anything.

That was, of course, if he’d have her back…

“Poe?” she called again.

There was no reply, but she could still hear the tapping noise.

“Well, here goes nothing,” she muttered, walking slowly towards the bathroom door.

As she passed the bed her gaze was pulled once more to the tangled sheets, almost by instinct. Suddenly a flash of memory blitzed across her mind so powerfully that Kaydel stopped in her tracks.

The dark of night. Rain hammering against the windows. Poe is smiling, his voice like the sweetest, darkest honey as he says: “Kaydel, it appears you have nothing on under that robe…”

She felt unsteady on her feet all of a sudden, her vision swimming before her. It felt like her subconscious was rising up, trying to take the reins. Her breath hitched on a gasp and she put a hand on the newel post at the bottom of the bed to steady herself.

And she realized that the last time she’d been here, in Poe’s room – in his bed – was the night before she’d been shot. After the senatorial evening reception, when she had lain awake long after midnight, unable to sleep for thinking about him.

She sat down on the chaise at the end of the bed and closed her eyes, trying to right her vision and her steadiness. Because all of a sudden she didn’t feel like she could stand upright. All of a sudden it was like she was right back there again, with him, in the dark, as the storm raged on outside.

He’d kissed her up against his suite door when she’d come to him that night, then he’d thrown her over his shoulder and carried her to the bed. And there it had felt like wildfire had raced through them both. There he had smoothed his hands over her body and kissed her as if she was the only air he needed. There he had traced a path down her body with his lips until—

“No!” she cried, her eyes flying open.

She could not go through another memory of him being with her, when he wasn’t actually here. She couldn’t keep living subconsciously with him without knowing whether she would ever have him back.

Kaydel’s hand rose to her forehead, shaking as she pressed her palm to her face and recalibrated her surroundings. Morning sunlight streamed in through Poe’s bedroom windows. His sheets were still a mess. That odd tapping sound was still coming from the bathroom, and she still didn’t know where the strange little tree had come from.

“For Force’s sake, stop doing this!” she muttered to herself. She stood up with one hand still on the newel post, the other balled into a fist.

The last time she’d been in this room with him they had shared something incredibly intimate – she knew that perfectly well. But that wasn’t all they were, was it? Did it mean something that so many of her memories involved the way his hands and his lips moved over her skin, the things he made her body feel? The fact that her need for him was inexorable on an almost primal level?

“No…” she murmured, as tears rose behind her eyes. “It’s not everything. You’re so much more, Poe. So much more. And I need to make sure you know that.”

Kaydel walked to the bathroom door and rapped her knuckles on it. She was almost completely certain that Poe wasn’t there, but that tapping sound needed investigating.

After waiting a couple of seconds, she opened the door and peered inside. Straight away she could see the source of the sound. He’d opened his bathroom window at some point but hadn’t secured it properly. It was easing to and fro in the morning breeze, its latch-arm tapping intermittently against the frame as it swung back and forth.

Kaydel walked across the bathroom and latched the window into a position that was just slightly ajar. Then she picked up the wet towel he’d left on the side of the bathtub and hung it up over the airing rail on the wall. Lastly, she gathered a bundle of discarded clothing and moved to put it into his laundry receptacle, but as she did, she noticed it was already full. The sleeve of one of his shirts was hanging out of the side, stuck under the lip of the lid, but it looked... different.

She leaned closer. What was that?

Kaydel’s breath grew still. She almost unknowingly dropped the bundle of clothing she was holding into the bathtub, and with tentative fingers she reached out and lifted the lid of the laundry receptacle.

When her breath returned it was too quick, too shallow. This shirt was covered in what looked like rust stains – but it wasn’t rust. She knew that.

This was blood. Her blood.

She knelt on the cool tiled floor and tipped the lid of the receptacle back until it was resting against the wall. Then she lifted out the piece of clothing, laid it on her lap and looked at it.

Cold prickles of forgotten terror crept over her hairline and down the back of her neck. And yet she felt oddly calm as her gaze moved over the sight in front of her. Poe’s shirt was covered in blood, smeared and splashed. The dried droplets looked almost artistic in their abstract splatter. The entire front of the garment was hardened almost to stone, the colour so deep in a stark representation of exactly how much blood it had absorbed.

And just like that, she realized how very close she had been to death. On the heels of that thought was the memory of Dr Kalonia, telling her that if it had not been for Poe holding Kaydel’s catastrophically injured body against himself as he carried her to someone who could help, she would have died.

He had saved her.

She had walked right up to the very threshold between life and the veil of death, but Poe had come and stood in her way. He’d blocked the path, turned her around, and carried her back the way she had come.

She knew, then, that it wasn’t just about the passion they shared. It was never just about the way he kissed her, or how he made her feel. It was everything about every part of him, but most of all, it was his heart and soul. She was in love with him – maybe she always had been? – and he had to know that…

Kaydel stood up, wiping away unnoticed tears with the back of her hand. She put the shirt down on the edge of the bathtub and leant over the sink, drinking gulp after gulp of cold water from the faucet. When she looked back down at the grisly piece of clothing – such a stark reminder of the fragility of all of their lives – she thanked the Force that the damage had not been greater. She was recovering, and Senator Malcolm – the real intended target of the shooter – had not been harmed at all.

And yet…

And yet one person had died. A young woman from Kijimi: the ex-stormtrooper who had been lured into the warehouse and killed before the attempted assassination had even taken place. An innocent party slotted into place like a dejarik pawn to take the fall for the shooting.

Shame rose inside Kaydel as she realized she didn’t even know the woman’s name. Kaydel hadn’t died, but this person had. And she could never forget that.

Mistakes had been made. Clues missed. Betrayal had been simmering beneath the surface of the Resistance – and the Senate – even before they’d left Ajan Kloss. And while many lives had been saved, some closer to home than others, an immense amount of trauma had still been wrought.

Kaydel picked up Poe’s shirt and tried to fold it up. It was difficult, with the material being so stiffened by all the dried blood. Eventually she managed to compact it down into a small bundle, tying the sleeves around it awkwardly to keep it in place.

She walked back through Poe’s empty suite – empty but for the mysterious little green sapling, that was – and headed out into the corridor with the bundled shirt in her hand.

Don’t run from what scares you, Rey had said. And what scared Kaydel was that she had damaged the Resistance and brought tragedy on them all. But there was work still to be done – she could find the Sith loyalists. She would find them.

It’s OK to let people know you care for them, every once in a while, had been Leia’s advice from so long ago. And Kaydel was listening.

"I hear you, Leia," she murmured with a smile.

She would tell Poe she loved him. She'd tell him how she really felt. She'd make sure he knew that he was loved. And she would be honest with him about what she really wanted – and time would only tell if he wanted the same thing. 

This is my mission now, she thought, as she headed outside on to the terrace, where two abandoned cups of caf stood on one of the tables. She moved down the steps, across the garden and on to the path that led down to the academy grounds, stones crunching beneath her boots.

I have things to tell you, Poe Dameron...

 

Thank you for reading! I would love to receive your kudos  if you enjoyed this chapter!

Keep an eye out for Chapter Sixteen on Friday 10th June

 

 

Chapter 17: Chapter Sixteen

Notes:

The song that accompanies this chapter is I'M READY (MTV Unplugged) by Bryan Adams. Search "The General and the Lieutenant" on Spotify for the playlist!

*WARNING: This chapter contains mentions of blood and injury*

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

NOW – Academy Grounds, The Old Senate House, Hanna City, Chandrila

By the time Poe stepped out of the shady cedar grove and on to the path, the morning sunlight had grown even stronger in the deep blue sky. Bright light blitzed off the rippling waters of the Silver Sea up ahead, temporarily blinding him, and he threw his forearm up over his eyes and turned away to face the barracks.

“Poe?”

His heart accelerated immediately into double-time. Dropping his arm from his face, he swivelled on the spot.

There she was.

“You’re not a dream,” he murmured.

Kaydel’s brow rose a little, surprise clear on her face. “A dream...?”

Ordinarily he’d find his way out of an awkward moment like that, but not this time. She needed to know how he felt.

“I’ve been dreaming of you,” he said. “Every night.”

No glossing. No pretence. No wise-crack to cut the tension. Instead he moved towards her, his hand rising in search of the feel of her. The proof of her.

Her lips parted, tears beginning to pool along her eyelashes as her hand lifted to meet his. “I’ve been dreaming of you too. And I can’t stop,” she murmured. “I miss you so much.”

They both looked down as Poe’s hand closed around the back of hers, and he rubbed his thumb over the centre of her palm. Her breath hitched, her fingers turning to entwine themselves with his.

“I need to—”

“I’ve got to—”

They both smiled as their words drew across each other.

“You go,” he said, remembering what he’d vowed to himself – almost as if he was his own co-pilot. No sweet-talking. No shortcuts. No circumventing the rules to get the result you want. He was going to tell her he loved her, but she needed to light this path and show him the way.

“OK,” she murmured, then swallowed as though she was nervous.

He kept his mouth shut and waited for her to speak. But before she did, she looked to her right – to the cedar grove.

“Isn’t this where…?” She trailed off and looked back at him.

He said nothing. Just nodded silently, all too aware of how fresh that memory remained in his mind. Her bravery, her lust for life, her seemingly unstoppable need for him. For them.

Hold fast, Dameron, he told himself. Don’t push that pedal down just yet. Let her say what she needs to say.

She held his gaze for a few more seconds before looking briefly at the ground. “That feels like so long ago.”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t like that.”

“You don’t like what?” he responded, nerves lacing his words. This sounded a little like regret…

“I don’t like that it’s in the past. That it’s not who we are now. Back then we were finding out who we were together, what we could be. And then I—”

“It doesn’t matter. We can still be that, Kay – be all those things we thought about.”

His heart leapt in his chest when she looked into his eyes. Something was different this time: there was a glint of determination in her gaze. She’d made a decision.

But as Kaydel opened her mouth to speak, they heard the bellow of a warning command echoing uphill from the training grounds.

Weapons hot! Three…! Two…!

“No… No!” Poe's eyes grew wide with terror as she frowned, looking past him.

Former Sergeant Pathfinder Kes Dameron, true to his word, was putting the Resistance recruits through their paces.

One!” was the final call, loudest of all – and then the drill commenced.

Kaydel flinched, stepping backwards as the sound of blaster-fire rattled up the hill towards them.

“Kay, it’s practice,” Poe urged. “They’re doing training drills, that’s all. It’s OK.”

“I…” She shook her head vaguely.

Poe took her in his arms. “It’s not real, Kay. It’s not real.”

Dank farrik, why now? Why fire weapons right now, damn it?

He could feel her trembling in his embrace. His hand moved gently to the back of her head, fingertips threading into her hair as she pressed her face against his collar.

“You’re shaking,” she said, looking up at him.

“It’s OK, baby,” he replied, not really hearing what she’d said. “You’re safe, I’ve got you.”

“Poe, no… It’s not me.” She put one palm softly to his cheek, and then she took his hand and held it up between them.

She was right. Her hand was mostly still; his was the one that was trembling.

“Let’s get off this path,” she urged. And she led him back into the cedar grove once more; the ghost of a dance they’d already done at another time.

The volleys of shots continued to ring out. He could hear the distant ping-snap sound bouncing off the walls of the Old Senate House. Just like that morning, not so very long ago. That cold and terrifying moment when he’d realized what had happened to her.

After they’d moved a little deeper into the shady grove, Kaydel stopped and gently manoeuvred Poe until he was standing in front of her. Then she pulled him closer, her hands in his, their bodies only inches apart.

Poe squeezed his eyes shut. “It sounds the same…” he said, his voice salt-cracked with the memory of his own fear. “It sounds like the shots that hit you. I… I heard them up on the terrace that morning. I was standing there thinking about the day ahead and I didn’t know what the sound was at first. Not until I heard Senator Malcolm yell for—”

He didn’t say any more then. His words ground to a halt, stopping up in his throat as he tried to dam the wave of fear and loss building inside him.

Poe…” she whispered. Her fingers smoothed tenderly over his brow, so tense and knitted with trauma. “It’s not real. It’s a drill, just like we’ve seen and heard before. We did them at D’Qar. And again on Ajan Kloss. Remember? It’s nothing more than that.”

“I know.” He opened his eyes, searching her gaze, looking for an anchor to hold on to. “But I remember every second of that morning like it was yesterday. Seeing you collapsed on that path out there, the senator’s scarf soaked with your blood. The sound you made when you tried to breathe but you couldn’t get— You couldn’t find the air, Kay...”

His voice broke in half then, and he clenched his jaw shut. His eyes dropped to her shoulder and to her side, where scars now ghosted her skin – evidence of what she’d been through. He needed to see her as she was now, not then. Needed to remind himself that she was saved.

And it was as if she could hear him, even though his plea for help was unspoken. She raised the hem of her shirt and held it to her chest, exposing the scar that ran down over her ribs. Warm morning sunlight dappled through the tree canopy in the fresh breeze, throwing peaceful patterns over her body. She lifted his hand. Guided his searching fingers across her skin. Fingers that shook with fear but were so careful, so gentle, as they found proof of life.

“See?” she whispered. “I’m all fixed up. Right as rain. I don’t even have to wear the dressing any more. Kalonia says it’s healing perfectly.”

Poe nodded. The pad of his thumb moved softly across her skin. His fingertips traced the line of her scar with the lightest of touches – and he knew she could feel him shaking because her own hand came to rest so calmly over his.

“You’re OK,” he murmured.

And yet when he looked at her face, for a split second he saw her as she was that morning. Lying on his lap, her face as white as Crait salt-flats, blood speckling her skin and her hair as she struggled to stay alive.

His breath shook, so close to agony as he tried to steady it, and his other hand moved to her hair. He smoothed her ponytail carefully through his fingers, convincing himself there was no blood; that what he had just seen in his mind wasn’t real any more.

“You’re here and you’re OK,” he repeated, like a mantra. And like any meaningful words said in a time of crisis of faith, they began to settle his soul. To slow his breathing. To chase the fear away. “You’re safe...”

“I am,” she responded.

And as if to reinforce the message, she carefully flattened his entire palm over her scar. His whole hand covered the physical fall-out of what had happened to her, the other rising to cradle her face.

She smiled at him. Then she took his hand from her cheek, sliding it gently over the edge of her jaw and on to the soft skin of her neck. There his thumb came to rest against her pulse, so steady beneath the surface.

“Can you feel it, Poe?”

He nodded, relief flooding through him. And his eyes closed, his sense of touch telling him everything he needed to know.

The warmth of her skin beneath his fingers. The drift of her breath as his head dropped towards hers, foreheads meeting to rest on one another. The slow and even roll of her pulse pressing against his thumb as her heart beat so strong and steady. Her words, her gestures – everything rallying to prove what he knew, what fear sometimes still wouldn’t let him believe.

“I’m here,” she whispered. “I’m alive. You saved me.”

He opened his eyes when she pressed a kiss to his temple, her lips brushing across his dark hair. Her hand stroked the side of his face, the back of his neck. He leaned forward, resting his head against her shoulder, and she kissed the top of his head.

Once. Twice. Again.

His palm spread a little further over her abdomen, her ribs. Every beat of her heart instilled more and more reassurance inside him.

“You changed the course of what happened that day, Poe. I’m here because of you,” she said – and only now did her voice begin to falter as the enormity of this sank in.

He glanced up and saw tears blotting her cheeks. He could even feel one rolling down his own face. It didn’t seem like she stopped to think about catching it with a kiss – but she did it anyway.

Then she looked at him and smiled softly. “Thank you.”

He nodded, not knowing how to feel. He didn’t know whether to let the tears flow or to smile, to laugh. So he sort of did all three at once. “What can I say? It was never a favour, Kay – it was a need. I don’t work without you.”

She laughed softly, brushing another tear from her own cheek. “So would it be OK if I… if I kissed you?”

Yes.

No thought was needed before he replied. And the same seemed true for her – there was no space to think; just do. The next thing he knew, her soft lips were on his, trembling slightly as something inside each of them found home. His arms slid around her; one still maintaining contact with her skin, around her lower back, the other pressing her close.

When she moved back to look into his eyes, she smiled. “Do you believe me now, Poe? That I’m OK?”

His hand moved back to her midriff, his thumb brushing gently over her skin to make one more tiny connection with her scar. “I do.” Then he withdrew his hand and caught both of hers – one, then the other – in his own. “But there’s something I need to say to you.”

“There are things I need to say to you too. And something I want to show you, before we let it go.”

“Let go…?” he responded, his glimmers of hope flickering under a draught of potential loss.

“I don’t remember much about the assassination attempt,” she said after a few seconds. “All I remember is a vision of you, covered with blood, looking down at me. Blue sky behind you, and the burnt vapour smell of blaster-fire. But nothing else.”

“That’s a good thing,” he replied, smoothing a few hairs behind her ear. “I don’t want you knowing anything else about that moment.”

“And I didn’t. But then I found this…”

He watched her pick up a bundle of cloth from the grass. He’d vaguely noticed she’d been holding something when they were out on the path, but she’d dropped it on the ground once they had come to a stop beneath the cedar trees. He couldn’t place it at first.

“It’s your shirt, Poe. The one you were wearing that day.”

“Kay, no… No,” he said, shaking his head. “What the hell are you doing with that?”

“I went to your room earlier, to talk to you. You weren’t there but I heard your bathroom window rattling loose, so I went to close it for you and that’s when I found this.”

“Don’t look at it.” He tried to pull it out of her hands, but she held on.

“It’s too late – I already did,” she said softly. “And now that I’ve seen it, we’re going to burn it.”

He watched her take a breath, like she was trying to find the right words for her next sentence.

“Poe, I went to your room to tell you something. And when I saw this shirt it reminded me of what went wrong. Of all the damage that was done, and how—”

He shook his head. “Kay, we’ve been over this. Tracking the people who received Thorne’s message from Shu-Torun wouldn’t have changed anything. It really wouldn’t. The man was already on his way to Coruscant with his plans already in action.”

“I know. But we can never be sure that things might have turned out a little differently.”

He wanted so badly to correct her again but another tear brimmed over her lashes. He caught it with his thumb. Let her talk. You said you’d let her talk... And so he did.

“My failure to track that message and those loyalists still bothers me, and I’m going to fix that,” she said. “But what bothers me just as much was that it made me change course – with us. I made a decision about you and me because of it.”

He stayed quiet, gazing down at their joined hands. Her fingers inside his.

This is it, he thought.

“What I’m trying to say is that I overcorrected, Poe. I got it wrong.”

He looked up. “You… got it wrong?”

She nodded. “Yes. I thought it’s what I should do but it was never what I wanted to do. I don’t want to be apart from you, Poe. I don’t think that you and I being together – or alone – would change anything about the fate of the Resistance. All it’s done in just this short space of time is make me so sad without you that I feel like I can hardly breathe.”

He touched her face then. He needed these words to translate into actions.

“Kay, I…” He shook his head. “I’ve missed you so fragging much, I can’t even explain it. I don’t sleep at night. When I do, I’m living in the past, with you... And I kept thinking about telling you how I feel, but I knew I couldn’t just make you want this – want us – if it wasn’t what you needed.”

Her face crumpled a little. “Poe, I’d never not want you, and I can’t tell you how that makes me feel... But the truth is that I hurt you, I know I did. And I did it when you were hurting so much already, and if—”

“Stop. All right?” With his finger just below her chin, he lifted her face to look at him. “Stop. I appreciate what you’re trying to say, but… Look, you want me to be honest?”

She sniffed, nodding. “Yes. Always.”

“I don’t care about any philosophical checks and balances on this. It’s all in the past, Kay. All I care about is you. I want you with me, and me with you, and I don’t care how it happens or what anybody else thinks about it.”

A tear rolled down her cheek as her lips rose into a cautious smile. “So you’ll… you’ll take me back?”

He grinned. “Back? Kay, I never let you go.”

Her arms moved around him then, and she slotted herself into place against him. Where she should be.

He brushed his lips over her hair. “Come on, you know me. Once a pilot engages he does not retreat. You know better than anyone that I can only hold back for so long.”

And then it was happening. Her hands were cradling his face, fingers delving into his hair, and she was pulling his face closer. Their bodies melded together and within a second he was breathing her all the way inside of himself. Kissing her in a way that let her know he would never let her go. Not ever again.

“W-wait…” she said after a few seconds, pulling away.

And he did wait. It felt like hell, but he complied. He studied her face, her reddened lips, her glossy brown eyes.

Her thumbs smoothed over his stubble before her hands slid down his chest, his arms. She took his hands in her own. “Poe, this isn’t all we are… is it?”

He tilted his head a little. “What do you mean?”

“I mean the sex… In my dreams I’ve remembered all the ways in which you mean something to me, but I’ve also relived everything we’ve done together. The way you’ve touched me, kissed me, made love to me and pushed me to every edge I asked you to take me towards. It felt so real once that I—”

And there it was. Her telltale blush.

He swallowed, ignoring the prideful swell of satisfaction that nudged the back of his thoughts. “No, that was never all we are. You were so much more to me before we ever laid our hands on each other. And even when you made a decision I didn’t like, it never changed a thing about what you mean to me.”

Her smile glowed with relief. She sniffed and nodded before looking at the ground, like she was gathering her thoughts. Readying herself to say the last parts of her truth.

“I was trying to be noble when I made that decision, you know. I thought I was doing the kind of thing Leia would do. Making up for my failure. Something selfless for the cause, regardless of my own personal pain. You’d shown me how much you were hurting, that night when you broke down on me after I came home from the med-centre, but you pushed past it to do your job. I felt like I needed to be that selfless too. Like it was the right thing to do, even though it turned out to be nothing but wrong. Does that make sense?”

“It does, and I understand why you did it. But in my mind none of that matters now – I just want you with me. And you know what?” he replied, a grin slipping on to his lips.

“What?”

“Leia would not have put up with this. She would’ve knocked our heads together a long time ago.”

“You’re right, she would have. In fact, she kind of did once, even longer ago than you think…” Kaydel smiled as Poe frowned, briefly puzzled. “But I still want to follow her example by getting the job done. Filling in the gaps, securing intel that’s vital to the safety of the Resistance – and to Ben and Rey.”

Poe nodded. “I know you do. So what can I do to help?”

“You can let me get on with it. Maybe have someone else take over the press enquiries. Senator Hackett’s bringing the comms device any minute now and I want to get started on it as soon as I can. Would that be OK by you?”

“Kay, I don’t know why you feel like you have to ask my permission—”

“Oh, I’m not asking for your permission...” she replied, with the most beautiful and sneaky of smiles. “Obviously I’m going to do it anyway, I just want to know what you think.”

He grinned. “Of course you do... And I think you should do it. But you know what? I’m going to do my part by giving you a physical answer to your question.”

“What question?”

“The one about us. We’re not all about the sex, and I’m going to prove it to you. I’m not going to lay my hands on you until you feel like that tracking job has been done to your own satisfaction.”

She frowned, though her smile remained. “Um, Poe? Your hands are already on me…Literally as you just said that.”

He looked down at the one hand that had crept back around her waist, the other that was mindlessly touching the very ends of her ponytail as it lay forward over her shoulder.

He bent his head to hers then, stealing one more kiss from her lips. “Just reminding myself of the home terrain for when I return to base, Lieutenant... And I can’t lie to you, it won’t be easy. I might get crabby – you know I get antsy when I don’t get my way. I don’t like it when I can’t control the mission timeline.”

She laughed, her hand moving to his cheek as his kiss drifted just south of her lips, brushing her neck one more time. And then he leaned back, his voice softening as he looked into her deep brown eyes.

“Because for you, Kaydel Ko Connix? I’d lay down and let the Force do what it will. Sometimes I think I found you too late, then I remember how lucky I am to have found you at all. So whatever it takes, I will do. And one day, when the pieces fall into place, I’m going to show every inch of you just what you mean to me.”

“Well, I can't say I've ever had a mission incentive like that before...” she whispered, pressing her body a little tighter against his. “But there's one more thing I still need to tell you.”

He could already see it in her eyes – and he desperately wanted to say it first, because he should've said it sooner. Had already held it back too many times. “Wait—”

She shook her head. “Please let me say it, I can’t wait any longer!”

“No, let me finish talking, Kay—”

“I only need to say one sentence, can’t you wait?”

“No, and I’ll pull rank on you if I have to.”

“Oh, be chivalrous at least – let me talk first!”

“Are you really going to make me tell you no again?”

“Yes, if I have to!”

And she clapped her hand over his mouth, just as he did the same thing to her. Kaydel’s eyes danced with happiness, her laugh warm against the palm of Poe’s hand. His stubble rasped audibly beneath her fingers as they each fought to speak over the other.

He raised an eyebrow and said, muffled from behind her hand: “I’m talking first.”

She didn’t say anything.

“Ah, the sweet sound of silence... I’ll take that as your agreement.” Then he frowned. “But I thought you couldn’t wait to say whatever you wanted to say?”

“You said you were going to talk first, hot-shot, but if you’re not going to, then—”

“No, I am!”

“So do it! Or do you just want to argue?” she asked, her smile clear in the sparkle of her eyes even as her lips remained hidden behind his fingers.

He grabbed her wrist and took her hand off his mouth. “Hell yeah I do,” he said. “I’ll argue with you until the end of time, Kay. Know why?”

He felt her gasp, and then he said it.

“Because I love you. But you’d already guessed that, hadn’t you? You know me too well.”

His hand left her mouth then, cradling her face, revealing her beautiful smile.

“It might have crossed my mind... And just for the record?”

“Yeah, I already know,” he said through the widest of smiles. “But tell me anyway.”

And he defied his own orders, moving closer to her, his lips searching once more for hers. He’d held back long enough, the pedal was down.

She was his future.

And in the last second or two that was left before they sealed the conversation with a kiss, she whispered: “I love you too.”

 

Thank you for reading! I would love to receive your kudos  if you enjoyed this chapter!

There might be a couple of things left to say and do... So please join me – and the General and the Lieutenant – next Friday 17th June, for one last time.

 

 

 

 

Notes:

Various GIFs and images of Oscar Isaac (Poe Dameron) and Billie Lourd (Kaydel Ko Connix) - attributions to follow

Chapter 18: Epilogue

Notes:

The song that accompanies this chapter is THE PROMISE by When In Rome. Search "The General and the Lieutenant" on Spotify for the playlist!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

NOW – The edge of the Silver Sea, Hanna City, Chandrila

Poe waits down by the water, BB-8 idling contentedly beside him. He watches the lush green grasses that top the sand dunes as they waver in the late-afternoon breeze, swaying in continual motion. The sun is heavy and low, and it casts an incandescent pink glow over Kaydel’s face the minute he sees her. It makes him smile, makes him feel exactly where his heart is.

She pulls off her boots and walks towards the two of them, her small feet sinking into warm sand as she draws closer. Poe’s bloodied shirt is bundled up and tucked beneath her arm, and she’s carrying something in her hand but he can’t tell what it is.

“You found one,” she says, looking at the metal container by his feet. It’s the one thing she asked him to find: a bucket, scavenged from the depths of a cupboard in one of the barracks warehouses.

He nods. Keeps his hands in his pockets because she’s in front of him now, and he so badly wants to reach for her but he promised he wouldn’t. “This is for the shirt, right?” he asks, nudging the bucket with his boot.

“Yep. We’re going to say goodbye to this thing. Together.”

BB-8 bops his enthusiastic agreement to the plan. He asks Poe which direction they’re going in, and once he receives his answer the little droid rolls happily away across the beach.

“Ready?”

Kaydel looks up at Poe and nods, her smile still the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. He picks up the bucket and they begin to walk along the sand. They’re heading west, towards the sunset. The last light of day is still warm even as the sun prepares to leave Hanna City, eager for its slumber, ready to pass the watch over to the moon.

“What else you got there, Kay?” Poe asks, looking down at her hand.

She opens her fingers to reveal a small votive candle. Then from beside the shirt tucked under her arm, she pulls out a large waxy green leaf, at least the size of two hands put together. “We’re going to pay our respects to Ardi Centellio.”

Poe frowns a little and looks at her questioningly. “Who?” Then he sees sadness in her large brown eyes, painted bronze by the setting sun.

“Ardi Centellio is the ex-stormtrooper who was murdered the morning I was shot. She’s the innocent person who was blamed for the assassination attempt. This morning I realized I didn’t even know her name.”

Poe softly mutters a curse word, shaking his head with regret. “I didn’t know it either.”

“Earlier this afternoon I asked Rose to show me Ardi’s identity file,” Kaydel continues. Then she looks out at the lazy, sun-burnished Silver Sea and takes a breath. “She was twenty-three years old, taken from her family on Kijimi at the age of four. She had green eyes and brown hair, and was a little on the short side for a stormtrooper. She was known for her exceptional dexterity, and there was a note in her records saying she was skilled at lock-breaking and getting into small spaces.”

Poe sighs. “She could have been a friend... She should’ve been a friend.”

“Yeah,” Kaydel murmurs. “She should have. Ardi deserved so much more. And we can’t change what happened to her, but we can make sure we remember her.”

He does take Kay’s hand then. Wraps his fingers around hers. “We will.”

After a little while they reach a rocky promontory. Formed of low boulders that are thousands of years old, it juts out into the Silver Sea like a natural pier of sorts. The rocks are smooth, flattened into easy curves and gentle dips by the motion of the waves over time, so it’s easy to walk across them and out to the very water’s edge. BB-8, never one to be left behind, finds a sandy little incline, accelerates a little and brings himself up on to one of the flatter boulders. He rolls himself across it, bobbing and dipping until he’s beside them.

Kaydel pops the votive candle into her pocket for a minute and carefully forms the large green leaf into a rough bowl shape; Poe watches her deftly fold and score it with her fingernails until it’s complete. Then she places the votive carefully inside it.

“BB-8, would you mind?” she asks, crouching down to hold the little leaf boat in front of the astromech.

BB-8, issuing a soft cooing sound, nods his head dome. His front access panel pops open and he solemnly unfolds his welding torch. Kaydel holds the votive right where it needs to be and BB-8 lights the tiny candle with his blue flame, reverently emitting a muted binary couplet as he does so.

They turn to face the water, BB-8 taking a spot just beside them. Kaydel looks down at the little flame fluttering and dancing in the breeze, and then she looks up at Poe. Her eyes are so sincere, her emotions wide open.

“Want me to say something?” he asks quietly.

“Yes please.”

He takes a breath to steady himself, takes her other hand, and looks out to sea. “The Resistance is lessened by not knowing Ardi Centellio as well as it should have. Ardi was a brave soul who'd only just escaped a lifetime of tyranny and forced servitude, in search of a better life. She should’ve had one…” He pauses for a second. “In her name the Resistance will continue to do what’s right. We’ll do whatever we can, whenever we can, to help those who need it. No matter where they come from. No matter their past… There should always be a light left on for anybody who wants to come home.”

Poe glances down at Kaydel. He wonders if what he came up with, there on the spot, was OK.

She squeezes his hand. Her small smile is regretful, bittersweet, peppered with sadness – but it’s a smile all the same. “That was perfect,” she says quietly, before looking at the little candle again.

Letting go of Poe’s hand, she slowly kneels down at the edge of the rocky promontory and cradles the leaf boat in both hands. He sits down beside her and BB-8 rolls back a little to give them space.

As she bends forward to place the leaf boat on the water, Poe can see her hand shaking. There’s a small wince on her face when she leans, her other hand moving to protect her scar on her midriff which, though healing well, is still so very new. Immediately he moves one arm around her, holding her secure, and he places his other hand beneath hers, helping to keep the candle steady in its little vessel.

The water, when it licks at the backs of their hands, is pleasantly cool. The leaf boat slips away on the gentle tide and when they let it go, seawater runs down their wrists in trickles. They sit back to watch it, leaning against each other, fingers intertwined.

“May the Force be with you always, Ardi Centellio,” Kaydel murmurs.

And the little boat begins its journey out to sea. The votive bobs gently, drifting away into the distance, the beautiful bright glow of the flame almost identical to the final rays of the setting sun. Kaydel rests her head against Poe’s shoulder. He presses a kiss to the top of her head, his thumb brushing little circles over the back of her hand.

Everything in his mind goes quiet in these moments. He knows they’re paying their respects to Ardi and saying goodbye to her – but it’s not just that. As he listens to Kaydel’s gentle, even breaths, he thinks about everyone they’ve lost. All of them. All the friends, colleagues and loved ones who have passed through the Force over the years. Life in the Resistance has meant that there is never any time to mourn, no time to dwell on their losses. Instead they must continue putting one foot in front of the other, every day.

But in this moment of peace, sitting here with the woman he loves – the woman who knows that now – Poe thinks about his mother. And this time, while he watches the little candle flame being rendered almost invisible as it floats calmly out into the great beyond, he feels it. He lets his love for Shara Bey move through him uninterrupted, like he’s watching it trace across the waves with the little candle. He murmurs things silently, spoken only to himself and to his mother:

I’m sorry...

I miss you...

And I love you, Mom.

He lets his heart swell with love and with loss, and the next thing he can sense is the feel of a tear trickling down his cheek. He swallows quietly and refuses to brush it away. For once he lets his grief show itself; lets it exist outside of the hollows of fear inside him where he’s bound it up for so long.

When Kaydel moves her head from his shoulder and looks up at him, he smiles. Another tear crests over his eyelashes, rolling down his cheek to get caught in his stubble. Then a third. She watches all of them with her warm brown eyes, and then she catches his gaze. Smiles softly, and puts her hand to his face.

“I love you,” she whispers. “I love you so much…”

When the sun has finally taken its rest and the watchful moon is rising dependably in the east, BB-8 ignites his flame for the second time. His beeps are more determined than before, his movement confident and forthright instead of respectful and reverent. Once the flame leaps up the fabric of the bloodied shirt, Poe drops it into the tin bucket. The three of them back away as the flames begin to sputter and climb.

And he can’t help but take Kaydel’s hand again. “Sorry,” he says, when she glances down at their intertwined fingers with a smile. “I know I said I wouldn’t, but—”

She shakes her head. “Don’t say sorry. Poe, the way you love me is like nothing I’ve ever known. I don’t want you to ever be sorry for showing it.”

He crooks his other arm around the back of her neck and gently pulls her close, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Good, because I’m not really sorry…” he quips.

“Oh, you’re not? So much for your promise,” she responds, and he hears her laugh lace the warm evening air.

He tilts his head to one side. “Well, maybe I am – just a little. What kind of guy would I be if I didn’t follow through on my promise to you? I don’t ever want to let you down, Kay.”

“You never have,” she says. “You’ve always been there for me. And any time you pushed me or took a risk, you did it either because I asked you to, or because you already knew I could do something before I believed it myself. You might have a reputation for being rash, the most daring, the hot-headed one… but I know that’s not all you are. That’s never been all you are, with me.”

“And there’s the key, Kay – you. It’s you.”

She didn’t say anything then. Just moved up on to her tiptoes and slid her arms around his neck. She kissed his cheek, slow and serious, like she was sending him a silent message. And she pressed her body against his: synchronizing her heartbeat, her pulse, her life-force, to the rhythm of his own.

There was a whirring noise and a flurry of beeps. BB-8 looked at the bucket and then at the two of them – then the bucket once more, the flames much lower now, and the two of them. His enquiring beep pattern became more intent as he returned his intense stare to the bucket one more time.

“Yeah, bud, I’d say that’s ready to be consigned to history,” Poe replied. He looked down at Kaydel. “OK with you if he does the honours?”

“By all means,” she agrees, smiling at the little astromech.

With a low and threatening buzzing sound, BB-8 squares up against the smoking bucket as if it’s an enemy droid. He nudges the container once, pushing it towards the water’s edge. Again, a little harder. Once more, until with a bang the bucket skitters across the rock and flies out on to the water in an unapologetic splash. It turns over in the waves, the simmering ashes of Poe’s shirt sizzling and dissolving into the sea. Turning into history. Turning into something that no longer exists on this planet or anywhere else in the galaxy.

BB-8 rolls to the edge of the boulder and extends one of his grapple hooks. He slots it deftly around the bucket’s handle and lifts it. Spinning it in a light arc to make sure it’s empty before popping it down on the boulder with a satisfactory clang, he looks at his master and emits a string of fast and animated beeping sounds.

“What did he say?” Kaydel asks Poe, intrigued by his grin.

“Something even I’m not going to repeat in front of a lady. Let’s just say he’s as relieved as we are to see the back of that thing. Good job, buddy,” he says, as BB-8 rolls over to take up position beside them.

Kaydel reaches down and rubs BB-8 with the flat of her hand, just beneath his head dome.

“He likes it right down there on the belly,” Poe says, pointing.

“He likes it here too,” she says with a smile – and true to her word, BB-8 hums with satisfaction and twizzles on the spot. “Sounds to me like he’s got just as many insults to teach me as his dad did. Next job on my list: intensive binary language course. I bet he’s got some tales to tell about you, Poe…”

BB-8 nods with vigour, trilling happily as he rolls back down on to the sand. Poe picks up the empty bucket and, with his arm around Kaydel’s shoulders, they follow the little astromech home.

“Oh, I meant to ask you something,” she says. “That little plant in your room – where did it come from?”

“It’s a clipping of the Uneti tree from the ranch back on Yavin. Dad brought it with him. He thought Ben and Rey could have it for their new Jedi temple.”

She glances up, eyes wide, and whispers: “He knows they’re together?

Poe shakes his head. “He didn’t say that. His exact words were ‘I know Rey’s in the wind and that Solo kid’s Force-only-knows where, but maybe you'll hear some news soon’. So make of that what you will… He says that as it was a Skywalker who gave Mom the tree originally, it’d be good to return the favour after all this time.”

Kaydel smiles as the man she loves sends her a knowing wink. Kes was still as sharp as a tack, and while he might not know Rey, he’d seen the HoloNet footage, he’d seen proof of the dyad, and he knew Ben’s mum and dad well enough to predict what their son might have done – and who with.

“Do you think they’ll really open a temple when they get back?” Kaydel asks quietly, brushing loose hairs from her face in the evening breeze.

Poe shrugs. “No idea. I guess time will only tell what they do next. But in the meantime, I need to keep that tree alive. Did you know it has the Force? Dad’ll kill me if I let it die.”

“I’ll help you. I don’t know if my mom has ever come across a Uneti before but she might have some tips all the same. I’ll ask her; we can take care of it together.”

“Another thing for your endless To Do list, Kay? How long am I gonna have to stick to my hands-off rule while you get other stuff done?” he asks, his little challenge laced with a smile.

“As far as I’m concerned, hands-off only applies to the tracking job – not that I have any problem with you abandoning the whole idea…” she adds, with a playful raise of her eyebrow. “But I’ve been working on Thorne’s comms device ever since Hackett arrived with it this morning. I’m running a file-breaker protocol on it as we speak, and actually—” She stops walking to look at her chrono, and Poe waits beside her. “It should be done by now.”

“Then we need to get you back to the house,” he urges, but Kaydel places her hands gently to his face to stop him.

“Believe me, I’m going to work as fast as I can on this thing. Tracing the Sith loyalists is the only thing I’m putting first, because I should’ve done it long ago. We can’t rest easy until we’ve caught all of Thorne’s co-conspirators. But you can bet that the minute I get my hands on their data—”

“You’ll come find me?” he murmurs, tucking tendrils of her hair gently behind her ears. “Let me know it’s mission accomplished?”

“With my very next breath.”

Poe’s gaze can’t help but drift towards her lips. “You got a, uh… estimated timescale on that? Just for my own strategical organization. I really, really want to be in on the loop and I do not want to miss the conclusion.”

Kaydel smiles and steps a little closer. “I tell you what… How about you leave me a little reminder of what ‘mission accomplished’ is going to look like.”

One corner of his mouth tips up, and he leans down towards her. “I see... You want an incentive, Lieutenant? You forgot what’s waiting for you?”

“I’ll never forget,” she whispers – and he feels her warm breath on his jaw as he moves ever closer. “But remind me all the same, won’t you, Poe? Remind me what it feels like when you’re about to take me all the way to the stars…”

“You know we're gonna go higher than that, right?" he murmurs, his lips brushing softly against the corner of her mouth, like a whisper of a breeze. "We’re only just getting started, Kay, and I can promise you this – it’s going to be one hell of a ride.”

The stars wink on as Hanna City falls dark, and BB-8 looks back across the sand behind him. He sees the general and the lieutenant moving closer to one another until they form one single silhouette against the golden-edged night sky. The little astromech beeps and coos as a funny little fizzing sensation trips through his circuits. He’s not sure what it is, but he thinks it might be this thing he’s heard people talk about. A little thing called… happiness.

 

THE END

and thank you so much for reading!

 

 

 

Notes:

Bespoke art of Poe and Kaydel commissioned specially for this story from Rutbisbe (www.instagram.com/rutisfree)

Silhouette image of a couple from https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/220887556707609776/

Chapter 19: The cast of THE GENERAL AND THE LIEUTENANT

Chapter Text

 

 

Billie Lourd as Kaydel Ko Connix

Billie Lourd as Kaydel Ko Connix

 

Oscar Isaac as Poe Dameron

Oscar Isaac as Poe Dameron

 

Andy Garcia as Kes Dameron

Andy Garcia as Kes Dameron

 

Gillian Anderson as Milla Ko Connix

Gillian Anderson as Milla Ko Connix

 

William Zabka as Bradden Connix

William Zabka as Bradden Connix

 

John Boyega as Finn

John Boyega as Finn

 

Rahul Kohli as Captain Exxond

Rahul Kohli as Captain Exxond

 

Nathalie Cuzner as PZ-4CO aka 'Peazy'

Nathalie Cuzner as PZ-4CO aka 'Peazy'

 

Greg Grunberg as Temmin 'Snap' Wexley

Greg Grunberg as Temmin 'Snap' Wexley

 

Zazie Beetz as Karé Kun

Zazie Beetz as Karé Kun

 

Carrie Fisher as Leia Organa

Carrie Fisher as Leia Organa

 

Laura Dern as Amilyn Holdo

Laura Dern as Amilyn Holdo

 

Kelly Marie Tran as Rose Tico

Kelly Marie Tran as Rose Tico

 

Joe Domingo as Joe, Raddus crew member

Joe Domingo as Joe, Raddus crew member

 

Naomi Ackie as Jannah

Naomi Ackie as Jannah

 

with

 

Daisy Ridley as Rey

Adam Driver as Ben Solo

Joonas Suotamo as Chewbacca

Derek Arnold as Vober Dand

Ian Whyte as Bollie Prindel

Hermione Corfield as Tallie Lintra

Dame Harriet Walter as Dr Harter Kalonia

Paul Kasey as C'ai Threnalli

Navin Chowdhry as Nodin Chavdri

Dominic Monaghan as Beaumont Kin

Viola Davis as Senator Aria Malcolm

Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Senator Ollan Hackett

Ian McShane as Barrus Thorne

Billy Dee Williams as Lando Calrissian

and

Amanda Lawrence as Larma D'Acy

 

Chapter 20: Sources and Bibliography

Chapter Text

BOOKS

Aftermath by Chuck Wendig (Arrow Books, 2015)

Aftermath: Life Debt by Chuck Wendig (Arrow Books, 2017)

Aftermath: Empire's End by Chuck Wendig (Arrow Books, 2017)

Ben Solo: The Way Home by Jessica Fisher (Wattpad and AO3, 2021)

The Last Jedi: Bomber Command by Jason Fry (Studio Fun International, 2017)

Poe Dameron: Flight Log by Michael Kogge (Studio Fun International, 2016)

Poe Dameron: Free Fall by Alex Segura (Disney-Lucasfilm Press, 2020)

Star Wars: Before the Awakening by Greg Rucka (Disney-Lucasfilm Press, 2015)

Star Wars Propaganda: A History of Persuasive Art in the Galaxy by Pablo Hidalgo (HarperDesign, 2016)

Star Wars: The Force Awakens by Alan Dean Foster (Del Rey, 2016)

Star Wars: The Force Awakens – the Visual Dictionary by Pablo Hidalgo (Dorling Kindersley, 2015)

Star Wars: The Last Jedi (expanded edition) by Jason Fry (Del Rey, 2018)

Star Wars: The Last Jedi – the Visual Dictionary by David Fentiman (Dorling Kindersley, 2017)

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker – the Visual Dictionary by Pablo Hidalgo (Dorling Kindersley, 2019)

 

COMICS

Star Wars: Allegiance series by Ethan Sacks, Luke Ross, Lee Loughridge and Marco Checchetto (Marvel Comics, 2019)

Star Wars: Empire Ascendant No. 1 by Charles Soule, Luke Ross, Clayton Cowles and Guru-eFX (Marvel Comics, 2019)

Star Wars: Poe Dameron series by Charles Soule et al (Marvel Comics, 2016-18)

Star Wars: Shattered Empire series by Greg Rucka et al (Marvel Comics, 2015)

Star Wars Vol. 11: The Scourging of Shu-Torun series by Kieron Gillen, Angel Unzueta and Andrea Broccardo (Marvel Comics, 2019)

 

TV AND FILM

The Book of Boba Fett (Disney Plus, 2021)

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (dir. Irvin Kershner, 1980)

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (dir. JJ Abrams, 2015)

Star Wars: The Last Jedi (dir. Rian Johnson, 2017)

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (dir. JJ Abrams, 2019)

 

WEBSITES

10 Things You Didn't Know About Poe Dameron's Parents: https://www.cbr.com/star-wars-poe-dameron-parents-trivia/

Star Wars Databank: https://www.starwars.com/databank

Star Wars Fantasy Name Generator: https://www.fantasynamegenerators.com/sw-alderaanian-names.php

Star Wars map of the galaxy: https://www.thathashtagshow.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/SW-Galaxy-Map.jpg

Wookieepedia: https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Main_Page

 

 

Chapter 21: Acknowledgements

Chapter Text

Last time I wrote my thanks, I named my family last – so this time they get to go first! I often think that family and/or loved ones are the people who represent the Force in our everyday lives. When Luke and Rey describe the Force in The Last Jedi as a balance of all things, both good and bad, loving and painful, it’s an essential description of life. And your loved ones are the ones who get you through that. So thank you, S and C – you already know.

Next up has to be the incredible Brenee. My decision to write Star Wars fanfiction brought you into my life and I honestly could not be more grateful! Living so many thousands of miles away from each other seems irrelevant when I see your messages of encouragement, advice and positivity in my inbox (although if we could meet IRL for a trip around TK/TJ Maxx and a sit out on the porch at sunset, you know I would do it in a minute). I can only ever hope to be as good of a friend to you, as you are to me.

Here comes the slightly cheesy part – because now I’m publicly marking my gratitude to both Oscar Isaac and Billie Lourd for their portrayals of Poe and Kaydel in the Star Wars universe. As we all know, these characters interact only very minimally in the movies. They stand vaguely near each other at the holo-table in The Force Awakens, and then share a handful of sentences and a couple of glances in The Last Jedi (for which thank you, Rian Johnson), and they're both in one huge group convo in The Rise of Skywalker. That's really about it.

But for me, that was apparently enough to get the writerly cogs whirring. That glance on the bridge on the Raddus? I mean... I was so excited to see where that might have led. Unfortunately that place ended up being, well, nowhere. So as per Thanos (but in a more geeky and less violent way), I thought: fine, I'll do it myself.

The thread that I think began to pull these characters together for me – somewhat invisibly at first until I realized what was going on – is Carrie Fisher. There’s always been a strange, shimmery line between Carrie and Leia; she is somehow both women at the same time, and always will be.

With Poe written as Leia's trusted protegé (not to mention being the trademark cocky hotshot pilot) and with Kaydel's too-small role showing her as someone with a largely unexplained closeness to the General AND being played by Carrie’s own daughter, there are interweavings for me that make the pairing of Poe and Kaydel – as George Lucas would say – like poetry. It’s a rarepair for sure, and I know they will never be for everyone, but I hope I’ve done them justice.

Next I must bow down and thank the incredible artists who produced pieces for this story. I implore you to visit their socials to see more of their beautiful works!

⭐️ Kaylerin designed the cover art for this story, as she did for BEN SOLO: THE WAY HOME. Kaylerin is a true gem with an innate ability to transmute wishes into the most dreamy of images, and I cannot wait to work with her again!

⭐️ Big thanks also to Lisa Zaman, who not only allowed me to include one of her stunning hand-drawn portraits of Oscar in Chapter Seven, but who then gave me the original piece when we met IRL for breakfast 😭💜 NYC does not know how lucky she is to be getting you this year – and here's to many more.

My huge thanks also to:

⭐️ Pola Michalska (aka @polaeart) for the brilliantly flirty Silver Sea hip-carry with the BEST Poe smirk in Chapter Nine

⭐️ Evelyn (aka @dazzlingjedi) for the frankly swoonworthy Cloud City kiss tribute in Chapter Ten

⭐️ Rutbisbe (aka @rutisfree) for the heart-stoppingly sexy midnight clinch on the U-wing in Chapter Eleven, as well as the beautifully luminous candle-lighting scene in the Epilogue

And finally thank you to you, the person reading this. If you’ve got this far then I’m guessing you might have found your way through the whole story – and for that, I’m incredibly grateful.

There are a lot of times when I feel like I’m writing these stories just for me, and while that’s OK, it’s always the biggest pleasure to know that other people have not only taken the time to read these stories too, but have enjoyed them in some way. Every vote, comment and message means more to me… than you will ever know.

Thank you.

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