The scariest part R could say about the compound in the monotony that she found in it. Wake up, with crust building up in her eyes. Thoroughly wash herself in the shower, so much so that her skin was rubbed raw.
Walk through the compound, ignore the blood curdling screams that seem inch toward her ears and revolt her very being. You could get used to anything... even if you don’t want to.
Seeing Eri was her highlight of the day, bright eyes that shone like stars. R couldn’t tell you what stars look anymore; it was just the feeling. Seeing someone that could make you feel special just happened to fit the euphoric feeling that rose in her chest.
A pitter patter that said that you were alive.
When Overhaul was there... R could tell you a completely different story. The sounds just hit different when the person that you knew was the one with the blood curdling scream. What do you say to that? When it's all over?
Just silence, but not the comforting warm kind where you feel safe, and words don't need to be spoken. It was the kind of silence that shatters words, with the glass that R had to pull out of herself when Dad was surrounded by it.
Sometimes she forgets that life wasn’t good there either.
Maybe then, she could go back and tell the little four-year-old to scream, because a sore throat is much better than the emptiness that plagues her chest when everything happens the same.
R doesn’t want him to win. Losing never ended well for her.
Reminds her of that book that she read about war; it wasn’t real but it felt real to her. He ran away from a dad that blamed him. Someone who drank so much that booze became the blood in his veins. He ran so far, so desperately; right into a war’s worth of pain. Yeah, it’s all the same.
Overhaul didn’t like that book, so she hid it between the mattress and hoped he would never find it.
But knows not the time for thoughts like that, it's her day to make dinner. R ignores the part in her that says that's every day.
She would do anything to not drown in sameness.
Even when she cooks the same thing every day, she doesn't even know what it is at point. It feels like a gray mass with the color drained out of it, (maybe someone drained it like Eri's blood) tastes like nothing.
It reminds her of the chicken Dad used to make. Chewy, bland, and overall unpleasant. Maybe it was chicken? It’s kind of funny how it’s different yet all the same.
She didn't really like giving it to Eri. No one could stop the cook of the place from adding something to it.
It was worth it the looks when Eri ate it with just a little bit more enthusiasm than usual.
Then delightful, encapsulating sleep hits her. The only thing that fatigues ever offer. It’s never enough, and the day is starting back again before she knows it. Today though, it’s going to be different.
Just like the way they did it in the Giver, one of the few books that Overhaul let her keep. Saying the sameness of the utopia was what he strived for. But R wanted to be just like Jonas, the one that left it to shatter.
All with the little girl who managed to light up her day~