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Xie Lian's 5 stages of drunk

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Xie Lian’s five stages of drunk because he’s a lightweight and I have nothing better to do at 3am.

Stage 1:
One drink in. Xie Lian gets very giggly, everything appears to be funny. He laughs at anything and everything, and constantly clings onto the nearest person’s arm. He was once out drinking with Mu Qing and Feng Xin and, much to Mu Qing’s horror, tried to kiss him. Once Xie Lian realised that this was Mu Qing and not Hua Cheng (trust me, if your drunk enough the difference is scarce), this event quickly became the funniest thing in existence…for about 10 minutes, before tripping up over his own shoes immediately replaced it.

Stage 2:
A second drink, and Xie Lian starts to fall asleep at the table, you can only imagine how inconvenient this really is. Many a dish has come to the disappointing fate of Xie Lian’s face much to the dismay of his friends. Endless Heavenly-Board meetings have had to been cut short due to this unfortunate occurrence; it has happened more than Xie Lian would like to admit himself. If he is left like this, he will just wake up in the morning with a bit of a headache and a whole load of regret. However, more often than not, his companions get very quickly tired of sleepy Xie Lian and force another drink into his hand.

Stage 3:
And so, we down a third drink, and Xie Lian’s personal bane, which just happens to be Hua Cheng’s favourite. Glossy lips, rugged breaths, pining looks; and the constant heat in Xie Lian’s lower gut. You see, after he had laughed at absolutely everything, fallen asleep in his own food and sufficiently pissed off Mu Qing; Xie Lian got horny. So. Very. Horny. Not only did this consist of him whining down the communication array to Hua Cheng when he was not there, also notably the only time he would dare even think of his husband’s communication password, it also meant grinding down on and feeling up the nearest person; unfortunately, this happened to be more often than not, Mu Qing.

Stage 4:
And so, after an extremely tired Mu Qing has finally succeed in pushing off Xie Lian’s advances, and the latter has downed yet another drink; we reach the fourth stage, and Xie Lian gets loud. He becomes the life of the party, your typical drunk teenager. Usually, loud Xie Lian is relatively easy to deal with, as long as you follow him around and nod your head at everything he says; something that Feng Xin and Mu Qing have gotten exceedingly good at doing. The real problem arises when Xie Lian gets handed another drink (for god’s sake guys, have we not learnt our lesson yet?!), and we enter the fifth stage.

Stage 5:
Stage five Xie Lian is rarely seen because as annoying as sleepy Xie Lian is and as humiliating as horny Xie Lian is; stage five Xie Lian cries. But he doesn’t cry like a child throwing a temper tantrum, Xie Lian puts his head onto the table and sobs. He sobs for his lost kingdom and the life he once knew, he sobs for his parents who died at the hand of his own suffering, he sobs for Mu Qing and Feng Xin whom he knew were only doing their best; but more than anything, Xie Lian cries for himself. He cries for the years that were spent on the brink of death, suffocating in starvation but unable to die. He thinks, that this was the cruellest thing Jun Wu ever did to him, sustaining his immortality. And even to those who were not in favour of Xie Lian, the sound of his cries managed to shatter their hearts all the same, to hear a young man, just out of boyhood cry like one whom the world is against is painful in the deepest and roughest way. And, of course, the world was against him for many many long years, so Xie Lian is entitled to cry his poor heart out. This episode usually ends with Xie Lian’s head in My Qing’s lap, the latter stroking his hair, distraught at the idea that there is nothing he can do to subdue Xie Lian’s pain.

When Xie Lian wakes up the next morning, after Feng Xin and Mu Qing have carried him to bed and tucked him in for the night, with a pounding headache and an awful hangover; he will likely remember nothing past stage three. Perhaps, this is a good thing but I’m sure you can now see why his friends seldom take him out for drinks, and why Mu Qing runs away every time Xie Lian is presented with a drink. I can’t say that I blame him at all.