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by the grace of god

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Alex Cabot had never had the maternal instinct, and that changed the moment she met Olivia. She carefully watched Olivia in interviews, watched her fight for her victims, watched how protective she became when children were involved. 

Working with the Special Victims Unit was not an easy job. It was mentally and emotionally exhausting, and Alex was ready to give her request to transfer, until she watched Olivia.

Olivia knew that Alex was struggling at first, and being the empath she was, she always tried to extend a hand out to the attorney, letting her know that she wasn't alone. It took some time for them to officially warm up to each other; Olivia thought Alex was way too young to be in the position she was in, and Alex thought that Olivia was too private and didn't trust anyone. 

But the more they got to know each other, work together, understand each point of view, the chemistry built and their relationship had turned into something that surprised them, but scared them to death. Olivia knew better than to get involved with people she worked with, she very clearly remembers herself telling Elliot, "You don't fall in love with people you work with." and yet, here she was, heart throbbing every time she heard the clack of Alex's heels enter the squad room.

The feelings quickly changed when Alex's "death" happened, and Olivia knew that she was in it. She couldn't fathom a life without Alex, but she knew that she couldn't chase after her. So they ended things before she was taken into witness protection. Alex begged her to try to find happiness, to not dwell for too long, they didn't know how long she was going to be gone for. Olivia, of course, told her that wasn't going to happen, and if they were to find their way back to each other one day, then they knew it was meant to be. 

It was a goddamn cliche, and Olivia hated that. She was never one to think about being overly romantic, or be chasing after someone out of love. But with Alex, it was different. Alex made her feel like the luckiest gal in the world, the only one in the world that mattered. 

Alex returned two years later, and her first stop was to see Olivia. They cried seeing each other for the first time, holding each other tightly, not wanting to ever let go. Olivia showered her in kisses, worshiping her body, telling her how much she missed and loved her. It didn't take much longer until they decided to take their relationship to the next level, and finally move in together. 

Olivia had spent countless nights with Alex, it was more convenient. Her brownstone was only a few blocks away from the precinct, and it was a goddamn brownstone. Olivia could have never afforded this type of housing, but she knew that money was never and issue with Alex, and Alex made it clear that neither of them would ever have to worry.

Alex wasn't materialistic, but she grew up always getting what she wanted. She wasn't selfish or a snob about her money, she was grounded. She knew that she was fortunate enough to come from a line of family wealth, and she knew that she was always going to provide for Olivia.

Of course, Olivia didn't mind the presents Alex surprised her with here and there. Alex was good with her words, but she was also good at showing how much she loved Olivia.

Olivia laid her head on Alex's bare chest, wrapping her arm around her body and closing her eyes. "Can I ask you something?" Olivia murmured

Alex ran her fingers through her Olivia's hair and kissed the top of her head. "Of course." She replied.

Olivia's fingers lightly stroked down her bare waist and then sat up and looked at her. "Do you want kids?" She questioned

Alex smiled and leaned in and kissed her lips. "I want so many kids with you that we don't know what to do with them all." Alex laughed and Olivia felt a weight of relief come off her shoulders and she pulled Alex into her arms, kissing her again.

So, they started. They picked out names, made the appointments, did their research. They knew that they were way over their heads with the amount of information they were learning, and they knew it wasn't going to be easy, but they weren't going to let that get in the way of their dream. 

After endless tests and thousands of dollars already being thrown into it, they learned Olivia couldn't get pregnant. It had been devastating, and it put Olivia in a dark place. Alex did everything that she could to be there for her, support her in every way possible, and she couldn't help but feel so goddamn guilty that she had the chance that Olivia would have given everything for. 

It had taken a few months for them to get through the dark, and Alex didn't think that Olivia was going to make it through, but she did. They agreed to start trying again, and it hadn't been easy again. 

Alex suffered two miscarriages, and that, God, the worst thing that actually could have happened, happened. It killed them seeing some of their closest friends get pregnant on the first try, and not to feel the pain they had been feeling, it wasn't fair. They weren't prepared for this, and they agreed it was time to stop.

They had explored the possibility of adopting, they knew that there were plenty of kids who needed to get out of the system, and money wasn't an issue. The issue was that they worked very demanding jobs, and the system did not cater to people who worked demanding jobs, and it was a never ending cycle of keeping kids in the system. 

They weren't getting any younger, and Alex was still desperate to try once more, but she knew that Olivia was having a hard time accepting everything they had been through.

By the grace of God, Olivia agreed for one more round. One more attempt. One more try at starting their life together.

A very long nine, excruciating, months later, they welcomed their bundle of joy; Ellie Caroline Benson. They agreed for their daughter to take Olivia's last name, and little did Alex know, she was soon going to be taking on the Benson last name too.