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(You’ve Got The Love I Need To) See Me Through

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July

 

There he is again! Although it’s not even sure it’s a ‘he’ at all - could be very well a ‘she’ as well. Aaron called him Mr Squirrel regardless, because it kinda sounded better in his head. Mr Squirrel is sprinting across the lawn, from a row of trees on the right to a couple of bushes on the left. The little red fella is incredibly fast, it’s really impressive, but then he suddenly stops and lifts his head. The little snout points towards heaven and the bushy tail slowly raises until it’s standing upright. Aaron wonders if Mr Squirrel got wind of some other animal. Or a nut maybe. Can squirrels smell nuts? Probably. 

It’s a fascinating little animal and Aaron became rather fond of it during the past few weeks. Every now and then Mr Squirrel would show up, run across the green and climb up the trees. Aaron wonders if it’s happy. Can squirrels be happy? Or are they just hungry/not hungry, tired/awake, cold/not cold? Damn, squirrels are probably super happy animals anyway, he reckons. 

“Aaron?”

He startles slightly and looks to the front where Ms Finch is staring at him with her narrowed small eyes. Apparently he is supposed to say something, but for the life of him, he can’t tell what the stupid question even was. 

“Square root,” Holly whispers next to him.

Aaron clears his throat. “By...errm... using the square root?” His heart is thumping loudly in his chest at this hit or miss attempt.  

Finch narrows her eyes even further - seriously how is that possible?! - and flicks her gaze between him and Holly who is pointedly staring at the book on her table. Finally the teacher makes a noise that sounds very condescending, but then she continues with her monologue. 

Aaron lets out a quiet breath. It’s not long now until summer break, the tests are done and finished and most teachers are longing for the holiday just as much as the students. He looks to the left, past Holly and starts smiling. He cannot not smile.

Robert is sitting there, actually listening to Ms Finch and taking notes almost eagerly. He is the only one doing so, gaze switching between the whiteboard and his notes, pen flying over the paper, tongue sticking out between his lips. 

Something warm blossoms in Aaron’s belly and he bites his lip to suppress the smile that threatens to spread on his face. Robert‘s the most gorgeous boy he ever laid eyes on, with his thick, blond hair and those magical green eyes. And those lips, don‘t get Aaron started on the lips. They are soft and yet so firm at the same time and Aaron loves kissing them. 

They kiss a lot. Sometimes during lunch break behind the school building at the football pitch, sometimes after school in the library.

It‘s amazing. It‘s better than Aaron dared to hope in his wildest fantasies.

He always thought Robert would hate his guts, would think he‘s worth as much as the dirt on his shoe. Because Robert isn’t only cute, he’s also smart, the smartest person Aaron ever has met. And he liked being alone, spending all his breaks with his books rather than with people. So of course Aaron always imagined him being a snob, thinking he‘s above anyone else. 

Boy, had he been wrong. 

When Ashley Thomas paired them for the literature assignment a few weeks ago, Aaron was upset at first. It wasn’t just simple rage towards his teacher - although he really wished he could strangle the old fella at that moment - it was fear. He was fucking terrified. Working together with Robert Sugden of all people on a literature assignment… his secret was about to come out, Aaron was so damn sure of it.

And in the end it did come out, but not like he expected it. Never in a million years did he expect it. Robert wasn’t a snob, wasn’t looking down on him. If anything, Robert was shy and adorable and helpful and selfless. Of course he figured it out and made Aaron cry for the first time he can remember once his secret was out. An impossible weight taken off his shoulders.  

He is not alone anymore.

It’s unbelievable actually that Robert didn’t run for the hills as soon as he found out. It doesn’t make sense. Why should someone like Robert be interested in him? 

But Robert wanted him. Wants him.

And it was only down to him that Aaron got his first ever B in English Literature. He won‘t ever forget his beating heart and Ashley Thomas‘ pleased smile after their presentation. And then Robert initiated a steamy make out afterwards, to celebrate as he put it, and it all felt like the best dream Aaron ever had. 

Right at that moment Robert must have sensed the eyes on him, because he pauses his writing and glances over. Aaron sees him biting back a smile and blushing. God, he blushes so easily, it‘s adorable! 

Aaron‘s heart does a painful little flip and his belly tingles pleasantly. 

He‘s crushing so hard on Robert, he doesn‘t know what to do with himself most of the time. 

Time is stretching endlessly until lunch break and with one last look at the other boy, Aaron is rushing towards the football pitch. Once he gets there he throws his backpack away and pulls the hideous tie off. He loathes that awful school uniform, but only on himself that is, because when Robert comes around the corner a few minutes later, he can‘t help but think how utterly hot Robert looks wearing it. That nerd look really does things to Aaron. 

Robert smiles at him. “Hiya.“

Aaron doesn‘t respond, instead he‘s making a lunge at Robert‘s mouth, finally happily kissing his boyfriend again. The thumping heart in his chest, the warmth in his belly, the blood rushing south - this indescribable excitement is something he never wants to get used to. Robert tastes amazing and kisses him back with just the same urge. Only a second later hands are carefully touching his jaw, gently cradling his face and Robert makes a little humming noise that shoots like a hot dagger in Aaron‘s crotch. 

Eventually they pull back because the need for oxygen is unfortunately a thing.

“Hi,” Aaron gasps, staring at Robert’s rosy, wet lips that are slowly transforming into a soft smile.

“Hi,” the mouth says. 

He tears his eyes away from it, gaze slowly traveling up, over the nose and hundreds of adorable freckles to those wonderful, bright green-blue eyes. 

Aaron is pretty sure that he is in love. 

When he first saw Robert in class two years ago, something stirred inside him, a feeling that wouldn’t go away no matter how hard he tried. He thought Robert was cute. Which was nothing you’d think about another bloke normally, was it? Aaron caught himself glancing at Robert more and more frequently and not only did he stare at his face, he also checked out his butt in the school hallway. As soon as he realised it, a sudden heat flushed his body along with a fiery spike of arousal. 

Aaron was 15 and so far he wasn’t much interested in relationships or sex like most of his classmates and to be honest, he didn’t really care. Not getting close to anybody made it easier to hide his illiteracy and Aaron was more than fine with that.

But now the sight of Robert Sugden’s clothed arse made him hard in the middle of the school corridor. Aaron fled to the next toilet and locked himself up in a stall. He stared down at the visible bulge of his trousers with a mix of fear and anger, but also burning desire. 

Which, of course, led him right to the relationship with Holly Barton a few months later, because if Aaron was sure of one thing, then it was that he wasn’t gay. He loved football and cars and he couldn’t be gay, alright? 

“What?” Robert’s unsure laughter pulls him back from the past and Aaron realises that he had been staring, when he sees his boyfriend blushing again.

And oh yes, Aaron is gay and so, so in love with this adorable, precious boy! It’s way too early to tell Robert though, you can’t spring the L-word on someone after two weeks of dating, even Aaron knows that.

“Nothing,” he smiles and leans in for another kiss.

It’s how they spend their lunch break, kissing and talking and more kissing and like always, time’s up way too quickly. Robert pulls his phone out and they both glare ruefully at the merciless numbers on the display. 

“Time to go back,” he says quietly, already missing Robert’s body against his own. 

“Hey, uhm, I thought…” Robert starts, when he grabs his backpack from the ground and Aaron waits for him to continue. “Err. There’s a new Marvel movie coming out this week…”

“Oh yeah, the new Avengers, right? I saw a trailer on youtube, looks ace!”

“We could watch it together? If you want? On Friday?“ Robert asks, suddenly nervous, and only when Aaron notices his red glowing ears does he realise that this is a date.

Their first date!

Millions of little butterflies are flapping their wings excitedly in Aaron‘s belly and he doesn‘t even try to hold back the huge grin that spreads on his face.

“Yeah, sure. Cool.“

Robert beams back at him, mirroring that anticipation. Can it be Friday already?!

 

-    -

 

Time flies and suddenly it is Friday and Aaron is not ready! Biting his thumbnail, he‘s standing in front of his wardrobe, trying to figure out what to wear. Way too late he‘s realising that his clothing mostly consists of well worn black hoodies and black jeans and although that is his favourite combination, he‘s not sure if he should wear it tonight.

A date should be something special, shouldn‘t it? Aren‘t you supposed to wear something nice on a date night? All his date knowledge consists of what he saw in movies and there is always that breath hitching moment where the main characters meet for their date and always say something like ‘you look great’. 

Aaron is so fucked! 

He grabs his phone and opens whatsapp.

“I have a date tonight and I‘m freaking out. What am I gonna wear?“ he says into his phone.

Only seconds later a low ding signals a new message.

“Send me a pic of your wardrobe,“ Holly commands. 

Not beating around the bush, straight ahead to the topic, that‘s why he likes her. Feeling instantly ten times better, he snaps a pic and hits send, hoping that she‘d sort him out. Holly would know what to wear, women knew all about clothes, right?

Ding.

“It‘s all black, I can‘t see anything!“

Aaron groans and throws his phone on the bed and rubs his hands over his short hair. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

What if he shows up in his usual black hoodie and Robert is dressed up smart? He might think Aaron didn‘t make an effort, not to mention the awkwardness of the moment which could ruin the whole date. 

And, what‘s way worse is that nagging voice in his head that keeps telling him that Robert will see how it is: that he isn‘t in Robert‘s league. 

Ten minutes later he is still having his internal crisis when the doorbell rings. Since his father has gone to the pub - again - Aaron jumps down the stairs, wondering who it might be since he‘s supposed to meet Robert at the cinema. Maybe it‘s Mrs Walsh again with her bloody hairdryer. Aaron fixed that stupid thing twice already and he can‘t understand why she wouldn‘t just buy a new one. Old ladies and their weird habits. 

When he opens the door, Holly shoves past him, without so much as greeting him.

“What-?“ he asks dumbly, but she’s already halfway up the stairs. 

For a second he is rooted to the spot, totally bummed, before he springs to action and follows her. When he comes into his room, she is already flicking through his clothes, shoving the hangers from left to right quickly.

“Thought you could use my help,“ she informs him without really looking at him, too busy checking out his hoodies and letting out noises of disapproval. 

Aaron sinks down on his bed and watches her. His Ex is seriously trying to sort his outfit for his date - the situation might be extremely awkward, if they both weren’t truly and totally over each other. 

They weren’t in love or anything. She wanted to experiment and he tried to prove himself he wasn’t gay. Yeah, well, that didn’t work out, did it. 

When he tried to sleep with her, he couldn’t and there was a horrible moment of shame and humiliation where Aaron just wanted to die. But Holly told him that it didn’t matter and she wouldn’t tell anyone and it could happen to anyone. She was amazing that night, absolutely amazing.

He broke off with her the next day, because he really liked her, just not that way. To his surprise she wasn’t mad at him, instead she became his only friend and stayed a part of his life - and she did save his arse in school more times he can count.

“Soooo, a date huh?“ Holly asks after a moment of silence. 

He squirms on the bed. He should have known she‘s nosy. Settling for a humming noise he tries to make it clear that he‘s not keen on elucidating. 

“Who is it then? Someone from school?“ Of course she can‘t take the hint. She turns around and looks at him and Aaron feels his cheeks heating up. “Aw it‘s totally someone from school!“ she cooes. 

“Shut up,“ he mutters defensively. 

A part of him wants to tell her, wants to shout it from the rooftops for everyone to know: Robert Sugden is my boyfriend!

But they haven‘t talked about making it official yet and Aaron is scared to do something that Robert might be mad about later, so he presses his lips tightly together. 

“Where are your school uniforms?“ she demands to know all of a sudden.

“Err… drawer.“ He points to the furniture in question.

She‘s raising her neatly drawn eyebrows. “You keep your hoodies on hangers, while your uniform shirts are stuffed in a drawer?“ Holly is tsk-ing him. “Seriously, Dingle.”

Opening the first drawer, she makes a strangled noise at the sight of the mess inside.

“Oi, I love my hoodies.“ 

Aaron buys them from his own money. They might be all black, but some have white strings, others have black strings, some a slim fit, others are wide - there are differences, okay? The school uniform, however, he hates with a passion. 

At least Holly is dropping the 20 questions now that she‘s searching through his shirts.

“Is it someone from our class?“

Ok, no such luck then.

She pulls out a white shirt - they all look the same anyway! - and hands it over to him. Reluctantly he grabs it with two fingers.

“What am I supposed to do with that?!” he glares at the piece of clothing.

Holly rolls her eyes dramatically and sighs deeply. “Guess what!”

“Isn’t that a bit too much?”

She crosses her arms and gives him an unimpressed look until he caves and strips out of his hoodie. It’s not like she hasn’t seen him naked already. 

“Ohmygod, it’s not Sarina, is it?” Holly says suddenly, eyes widening. The thought seems to excite her, but it’s like a punch in the guts for Aaron. “Poor cow has had it bad for you for ages now!” She laughs. 

He hasn’t told her that he’s gay. No one knows, except Robert, of course. 

“No, she hasn’t,” he objects, frowning, while he pulls on the shirt. 

Sarina? The tiny brunette from the front row? As far as Aaron knows she hasn’t even looked twice in his direction since they’ve been sharing a class. 

“Urgh, Aaron, you’re so oblivious. Okay, if it’s not her, then… hmmm….” Holly thinks loudly until her face lights up once more. “It’s Kira!” She snaps her fingers. “Isn’t it? You two would be perfect for each other!”

Funny that Holly thinks that, considering Aaron hasn’t even spoken to Kira so far.

For a moment he debates if he should tell her that it’s not a girl at all, but then the courage is leaving him. His nerves are all over the place because of the date already and time’s ticking, he’s gonna have to leave soon. 

He closes the buttons with harsh little movements, trying to hide his shaking fingers and stays quiet.

“You’re really not gonna tell me, huh?” Holly pouts.

Aaron ignores her and looks into the mirror on the inside of his wardrobe. The white shirt builds a hard contrast to his dark jeans and Aaron feels weird. He never wore a shirt outside of school.

“I look like a waiter,” he says grumpily and pulls at the fabric.

“You look good.”

“I look like a weirdo from a cult.” 

Holly throws her arms up in the air. “Stop being difficult,” she prompts. “ A bit of gel in your hair and you’re good to go.” She ruffles his short curls and he pulls back with a wrinkled nose. 

“Oi, stop it!”

“Alright, my job is done,” she decides and gives him a pat on his shoulder. “But you will tell me who the mysterious girl is, yeah?” Holly points her finger at him and looks expectantly. 

Aaron swallows uncomfortably, but nods eventually. It’s gonna come out anyway sooner or later. 

“Okay. I’ll let myself out. You get that hair sorted, alright? Have fun! Bye!”

And with that Holly is gone just as quickly as she stormed in a few minutes ago. She’s absolutely crazy and that's probably why Aaron likes her so much. 

He stares at his reflection, still pulling at the shirt. 

It doesn’t help much. Aaron feels strange. This isn’t him, this is fucking masquerade.

With a frustrated groan he rips the shirt off again and slips into his black hoodie. The fabric hugs his body, warm and comforting. He instantly feels better, more like himself again.

Aaron lets out a long and shaky breath, trying to get his nerves under control. So, his outfit is nothing special by any means, but it’ll have to do. 

 

-    -

 

Robert is standing there in front of the ticket counters, waiting. Whenever he hears people entering the building he turns and cranes his neck to check, but so far Aaron hasn‘t shown up.

It‘s 10 past 7 already, but Robert tells himself not to freak out. There is no reason to freak out.

There are like thousands of possibilities why Aaron could be late, in fact, if Robert had a paper and a calculator he could project the chances…

Eventually he does freak out, because this is his bloody first date and his nerves are raw.

He wipes his clammy hands on his grey jumper and takes a deep breath, staring at the brown carpet. Pull yourself together, Robert. He can do this. 

When he looks up, there he finally is. 

There is a moment where his breath hitches, like in those corny highschool romance movies, when their eyes lock.  

He’s stunning. Aaron is wearing one of his black hoodies, it’s the one with the white strings that Robert loves the most. It highlights his shoulders and snuggles perfectly against his body. There is a bit of gel in his short hair too, giving him such a bad boy look that makes Robert heat up quickly. His heart stutters painfully in his chest at how hot his boyfriend looks. 

“Hiya,” Aaron smiles at him.

Every fibre of his body urges him to close the gap, take Aaron into his arms and kiss him. Just like all the other couples around them are doing. All the other heterosexual couples. 

Having a boyfriend and having a boyfriend in public are two very different things all of a sudden and the realisation hits Robert like a truck. 

Instead of greeting his boyfriend like he originally wanted to do, he settles for a quiet: “Hi.“


Aaron clears his throat, “You, uh…. You look amazing.”

He’s blushing then, not able to do anything against it, really. Getting such compliments is nothing he’s used to. Vic’s wardrobe advice is a hit as it seems, although Robert will never admit to her of course. He can do without her ‘I told you so’ attitude, thanks very much.

“You too,” Robert says shyly, eyes glued to the ground until he lifts them for a quick look.

God yeah. So hot. 

After another short moment of nervous smiles and shy glances they finally make their way to the food corner. Robert bought their tickets online already and Aaron pays for their drinks and snacks. There are huge pictures of the various menus above the counter, which makes it easy for Aaron to decide. Cinemas are safe places, no need to worry about too many words and letters here, Robert reckons. They settle for a giant bucket of popcorn and a large coke, which basically comes in a bucket, too. 

He can‘t quite explain why the thought of sharing an overpriced, too sweet sugar syrup is something that makes his belly pleasantly tingle. 

It‘s romantic.

Robert wills his body to relax as they slowly walk towards their movie hall and he keeps chatting about the Marvel universe to distract himself. Aaron dutifully nods along, but stays quiet otherwise and too late Robert notices his mistake. He shuts his mouth with an audible click of his teeth, lowering his eyes guiltily.

“Sorry,“ he mutters.

“What? For what?“ Aaron frowns.

“For being a boring nerd.“

Robert turns away and shows his phone to the guy who scans the code of their tickets. He’s glad to avoid Aaron's eyes right now. Why does he always have to ruin a situation with his stupid rambling? For once he wants to be cool, only for once! 

When they walk up the dark alley into the theatre, Aaron leans over and whispers: “A superhot nerd, you mean.“ His breath tickles Robert’s neck. 

“Yeah?“ he whispers back and his heart nearly doubles its speed.

“Yeah.“

Their seats are in the last row and because it‘s a blockbuster movie, the hall is pretty crowded already. They snuggle into the soft chairs, munch the popcorn, share their huge drink and exchange some long and deep looks that make Robert feel hot and cold. Giddy. 

He‘s happy.

There is a short moment, between the commercials and the beginning of the movie, where all the lights go out and the whole room gets dark. Suddenly Robert is being pulled to the side and he turns his head to meet Aaron halfway across the armrest for a warm and dry peck. Soft and yet firm. It‘s only a short moment, a brief contact, but it’s enough to set Robert’s body on fire. The first scene is lighting up the theatre again and he sees Aaron smiling at him with that fond expression as if Robert was the most precious person he‘d ever seen. 

Robert finds that pretty hard to believe if he‘s honest and the gaze is almost too intense, so he squirms on his seat and casts his eyes to the front again. 

Five minutes later, Aaron sneaks his hand over and intertwines their fingers with a gentle squeeze. 

Robert’s heartbeat speeds up again, thumping loud and erratically in his chest. 

It‘s how they sit until the lights go on again three hours later.

 

-     -

 

They both don‘t want to head home right after the Avengers movie and that‘s how they end up on a public playground. It‘s still warm, one of those summer nights with no wind and temperature drop. The earth is charged with heat and the air smells sweet, crickets are chirping a loud concert. 

Aaron leads Robert into one of those wooden play houses and they curl up on the floor, finally, finally alone. Aaron immediately wraps his arms around him and takes a deep inhale. Robert hugs him back and then they sit there in silence, while their hands are carefully stroking arms and backs and chests. Although he has to sit slightly twisted on that hard and sandy floor and his left arsecheek is getting numb already, Aaron doesn’t want to be anywhere else in the world right now.

“Good first date?” Robert whispers.

“The best,” he sighs happily. 

“Good.” Robert kisses his hair and it’s such a sweet little gesture that causes Aaron to close his eyes and let out a shaky breath.

He turns his head and searches Robert’s mouth in the darkness. When their lips lock, he can’t hold back the little hum. His boyfriend tastes like coke and popcorn and perfection and Aaron opens his mouth to gently suck his lower lip in and nibble at it. 

“I can’t wait to go on loads of dates during summer break,” he whispers against Robert’s lips like he’s admitting a secret. 

“Yeah?” A little breath.

The holidays can’t come soon enough this year. Aaron is planning all sorts of scenarios in his head already and they all involve him and Robert spending every spare minute together.

“Usually I hate the summer break,” Robert says, after he pulled back again and they both gasped for air. “Because I have to help on the farm every day, while all the other kids can go swimming or do whatever they like.”

Aaron feels a pang of disappointment. Swimming was definitely on his list for this summer.

“But this year it won’t be that bad, I guess,” Robert’s voice is so low that Aaron has to strain his ears to hear him, “because I have you.”

His eyes are searching for Robert’s face, but it’s too dark to see the expression. He only sees the outline and the white of his eyes as a grey shadow. A hand is travelling up Aaron’s arm, over his shoulder and neck, until it rests on his jaw, warm thumb softly stroking his skin.

“We’ll spend lots of time together. We’ll find a way,” he promises. 

“I think I’m in love with you!” Robert blurts out and when Aaron’s breath hitches, he draws his hand back as if he got burnt. “I’m sorry! I… Sorry, I didn’t… It’s probably too early to say that….” he stammers and turns his head away.

“No! No… Just…” Aaron’s head is spinning, heat is spreading from his belly, setting his body on fire. 

Robert is in love with him! It’s the best thing Aaron has ever heard and from one second to another he feels like he’s floating. He can’t believe it! Robert is in love with him! 

>>>
Aaron climbs on his lap quickly and kisses him, this time more passionate, more urgent. He tries to put all his feelings that he can’t quite express with words into his movements, into his touches. The angle is better now to get his hands all over Robert and Aaron just goes for whatever his instincts tell him, because it feels so damn
right. 

He’s hard in seconds, his dick straining painfully against his skinny jeans and he moans into Robert’s mouth. 

That memory of their hot make out in his room a few weeks ago is living in his mind rent free, the glorious sound of Robert moaning is still ringing in his ears, the sight of him coming undone and cuming imprinted in his retinas. He wants him like that again.

“Can I jerk you off?” He is panting now, body trembling with arousal and excitement.

The dark silhouette nods and breathes just as hard. Aaron doesn’t waste another second, he goes straight for Robert’s fly with shaking fingers and opens the jeans quickly. Only a moment later he wraps his dry hand around the cock - hard, hot and twitching in his grip. It’s so damn hot. The typical smell of precome hits his nose and Aaron leans his forehead against Robert’s shoulder and inhales deeply. He takes a short time where he just sits there and marvels at the perfection of the moment. 

“Aaron… please…” Robert’s voice sounds wrecked.

The little ‘please’ has Aaron nearly spilling his load from his untouched cock into his pants. Holy Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Robert Sugden begging him to jerk him off. 

Aaron springs to life, lifts his hand to spit onto his palm. Not the best lube, but it’ll do. He rubs it all over Robert’s dick and spits a second time on it, to make the slide extra smooth, before he starts moving his arm. He tries different motions, different grips, little wrist circles, just what he prefers mostly and tries to identify from Robert’s noises what he likes the most.

It doesn’t take long for Robert to writhe underneath him, to bite his lips stifling his high pitched moans.

“Kiss me!” he groans suddenly, urgently. “Kiss me. I’m-... Aaron!”

Aaron smashes his mouth on Robert for a sloppy kiss, their teeth clicking and tongues swirling. Sensing Robert’s close he shoves his boyfriend’s jumper up and speeds his tugs up. Robert goes rigid and lets out a desperate whine, hot cum is spilling from his twitching cock. Aaron jerks him through it, milking him, feeling the jizz coating his hand stickily. When Robert gets soft and sensitive, Aaron shuffles back on the lap to go for his own cock.

Using Robert’s spunk as lube, he comes embarrassingly quick - Robert is still out of breath - and tries to keep his clothes clean as best as he can. 

Then they are both half lying, half sitting there, gasping for air, messy and sticky with cum. 

“Fuck,” Robert says after they’ve calmed down a bit, “that’s gross.”

<<<
Aaron starts snickering and Robert chimes in and soon they are both laughing hysterically. Yes, it is gross, but wow, did Aaron never feel happier in his whole life! The endorphins are flooding his system and he’s lightheaded and overall
buzzing, his skin turned into one tingling sensation.  

In the end they use Aaron’s undershirt to clean themselves up and throw it in the bin afterwards when they leave the playground, both still giggling.

Best first date ever. 

 

-     -

 

For the first time ever Aaron doesn’t feel alien and lonely, doesn’t feel like a freak who can’t read or write. For the first time ever the illiteracy doesn’t dominate his life. Instead there is this all consuming first love and the thought that he belongs somewhere, he belongs with Robert. 

He thinks it stays like this forever.

He should know better, but he’s only young and so, so naive.