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rockefeller state of mind

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Clint is actually weirdly calm about the whole situation which throws Kate off because she expected the complete opposite. She had decided to corner him when he was still half asleep and give him a run down of the whole situation, but there’s really no delicate way to explain that the assassin she had sex with mid-fight is going to be moving in with her.

So she just says, “Hey Clint? Yelena’s driving back with me today. She’s moving in with me.”

Clint just groans into his cereal. “So they really meant it with the whole U-Haul lesbian thing.”

“That’s a stereotype, Clint.” Laura calls from the kitchen where she’s spreading peanut butter on a slice of toast.

“An accurate one.” He grumbles, and that’s mostly the end of it.

At 9:30, Yelena comes stumbling down the stairs in the same clothes she was wearing yesterday, her hair swept up in a half hearted ponytail. She makes a beeline to the coffee maker and stares at it blankly for a minute. She prods at it for a second but seems to give up after a bit, turning around instead and passing an empty mug to Kate.

“I need coffee, Kate Bishop. Four creams and three sugars.”

Kate wrinkles her nose, disgusted. “Four creams? Just drink milk at that point, Jesus.” But Yelena continues to stare blearily at her until she sighs and drags herself to the coffee maker to make Yelena’s abomination of a coffee.

And then it’s almost time to leave. Clint insisted on driving them to the airport and wouldn’t take no for an answer, so exactly at ten a.m, they’re being rushed out the door. Clint stands by the door muttering about how they’re going to be late while Kate hugs Laura and the kids goodbye, promising she’ll be back for Easter. Then, Laura surprises Yelena with a hug too. Yelena goes completely stiff, but she smiles a little when Laura releases her.

“You’re always welcome here too.” Laura tells her.

 

At the airport, Clint pulls her to the side while Yelena is getting their bags. He looks incredibly uncomfortable, and Kate is immediately apprehensive.

“Hi.” He says.

“Hey...” Kate says, suspicious. Clint clears his throat and looks anywhere but Kate’s face.

“So, I just wanted to make sure that uh, you know.” He pauses and looks at Kate meaningfully. Kate however, has no idea what the hell he’s talking about.

“What.” She says blankly.

“Look…” Clint starts again, shifting. “I just want to make sure you’re being safe.”

“What the fuck!” Kate yelps, and Yelena glances over from the other end of the car, amused. “Are you trying to give me The Talk?”

“No, God no!” Clint exclaims, looking vaguely horrified. “No!” He lowers his voice a little. “No, I’m just trying to say… be careful with Yelena. She’s been through a lot, more than you know, and I just don’t want either of you getting hurt.”

“Aww Clint, you big old softie.” Kate exclaims, happily surprised. “You looooove us.”

Clint sighs and turns to walk back towards Yelena. Kate follows him, asking, “Why’d you have to phrase it like that though? Like, seriously, I nearly had a heart attack.”

He ignores her all the way until they check their bags in and it’s time to part ways.

“See ya around.” Kate says to him, surprised to find herself almost sad to be leaving. She never felt like that when she was at her mother’s house, it was just a place she always wanted to leave.

Clint pulls her into a very awkward bro-hug, they do the whole back slap thing too which leaves Kate in an uncontrollable fit of giggles. “Miss you already!” She calls over her shoulder as they walk into the security line, blowing him a kiss.

 

 

The plane ride is boring. As soon as they sit down, Yelena reclines her seat all the way back and slips on the complimentary sleep mask.

“It’s like, a three hour flight.” Kate grumbles. “You can sleep when we get home.”

Yelena obviously does not respond, seeing as she is asleep.

Kate puts on her headphones instead, and spends the next three hours watching some documentary about whales, desperately wishing she downloaded some episodes of Queer Eye or something.

 

 

Before she knows it, they’re home. Kate unlocks the door, mildly surprised when she sees that her apartment isn’t a total wreck anymore. She had arranged to get it cleaned up, but for some reason, she kind of expected it to still be charred from the fire, the windows smashed open and all her stuff in disarray.

But it’s tidy, tidier than it usually is when she’s living there. Yelena heads straight for the couch and flops down on it, face first.

“Uh,” Kate says. “No shoes on the couch?”

Yelena lifts her head up just enough so Kate can see her rolling her eyes, and kicks her shoes off. “Where is my bedroom?”

Ah. Kate hadn’t exactly thought of that yet. Her apartment had one bedroom located in a mostly open loft area, it was basically just a slightly modified studio apartment.

“The sofa bed is yours!” Kate says. “It’s great. Super comfortable. I sleep on the sofa bed, usually, because it’s way better than mine. So. You’ll like it.”

“How do I open it?” Yelena asks, leaning over one edge of the sofa, poking at the side.

Kate laughs nervously. “Uh, you can’t. I lied. I need to buy a sofa bed, but I was totally planning on doing that anyways.”

Yelena raises an eyebrow. “You invite me into your home and you don’t even have a place for me to sleep?” She asks. “Very rude of you, Kate Bishop.”

 

So, they go shopping. Yelena glares suspiciously at every shop attendant that tries to help them, but it’s a successful trip, mostly. They buy a sofa bed which is almost as good as the one Kate described and she has it delivered over to her apartment. Yelena insists on playing a claw machine that she sees in the middle of the mall and loses each of the seven times she plays, getting increasingly more upset as the time goes on. Kate has to placate her by buying her a little elephant plushie from a corner store on the way home and very pointedly tells her that it was cheaper to get the elephant than it was to play the claw machine seven times. Yelena retorts with, “Aren’t you the heiress to a multimillion empire?” Kate, wisely, keeps her mouth shut.

When they get back to her apartment, they set up the privacy curtains that they bought around the sofa area. Once it’s done, she’s down a living room, but up an almost-friend, so she thinks it’s a more than okay trade off.

 

 

#

They transition into living together fairly quickly. Yelena is a little messier than Kate is comfortable with, but eventually, she gets used to seeing random socks all over the place.

(Like seriously, all over the place. She went to make a smoothie one morning and there was a candy cane patterned sock right there, next to her blender. Insane.)

She’s sure Yelena isn’t too pleased with the way she wakes up at daybreak everyday to go on her morning runs. Yelena sleeps much later than she does and makes her displeasure known whenever Kate moves around the kitchen a little too loudly in the morning. Despite all that though, they grow accustomed to one another.

The thing is, it’s been three weeks and. They haven’t had sex.

It’s not just that, it’s also that Yelena kind of drew in upon herself as soon as they got to the apartment, and they hardly spoke, the extent of their interactions being Yelena asking where something was or Kate asking if Yelena wanted something from the bakery. Kate would be at her classes for most of the day, and Yelena would be doing whatever it is that she does, and they’d just… coexist. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it wasn’t what Kate expected, exactly.

It’s a Saturday morning, a rare morning where Yelena and Kate are awake at the same time, and they’re sitting at the table eating cereal together. The sunlight is soft, peeking through the half-open blinds, and Yelena has her radio playing quietly in the background. Her radio is an old green 90’s transistor radio which she pulled out of her backpack once they moved in and placed on the table next to her bed. It’s almost always on, and it used to get on Kate’s nerves, but the background noise has become almost comforting to her.

The scene is almost achingly domestic, and Kate can’t take it anymore. “Why aren’t we having sex?” She blurts out. Yelena looks up from her Froot Loops. “Was waiting for you to bring it up.” Yelena says like the answer is obvious and it wasn’t the only thing Kate could think about for the last three weeks, and shrugs.

“This is a two way thing, you know.” Kate says a little sourly. Then, suddenly unsure, she adds on, “Right?”

Yelena rolls her eyes and pushes her bowl to the middle of the table. “Come here.”

And it’s a little bit embarrassing that that’s all it takes for Kate to rush over to Yelena, but she can’t really bring herself to care, not when the blonde is so close, smelling like the same body wash that Kate uses and looking like she knows she has complete control over Kate. She sits on Yelena’s lap, carefully positioning herself so that she’s straddling her, her knees on either side of her lap. Yelena snakes her hands around her neck and pulls her into a kiss that tastes like artificial fruit flavors and mornings, and Kate never wants it to end. She threads her hands in Yelena’s hair and pulls softly, opening her mouth. They exchange lazy, openmouthed kisses on the kitchen chair for a while until Yelena gets impatient and tugs at Kate’s shirt. She takes it off obligingly, but pauses.

“I haven’t made you come yet.” She says breathlessly as Yelena peppers her chest with kisses. “Wait, wait let me-” She pushes Yelena back, trailing her hand down her side.

“You don’t have to.” Yelena says, sounding unsure. Kate looks at her, confused. “You do realize that sex is a multiple people activity, right? I want to give you as much as I get.”

Yelena nods hesitantly and allows Kate to slide off her lap. “I’m not gonna do this if you’re not a hundred percent okay with it.” She says softly, holding her hand out. Yelena takes it, her carefully constructed, careless expression cracking for a second as she smiles back. “You may have your wicked way with me, Kate Bishop.” She replies.

Kate lets her grin grow wider as she pulls Yelena backwards to the sofa bed. The sheets are rumpled and the blankets unfolded, and it smells so overwhelmingly of Yelena that Kate can’t breathe for a second, overcome with pure, unadulterated want. She pulls Yelena onto the bed and they both tumble down, their limbs tangled together, Kate on top. She takes her time undressing Yelena. She kisses her way down to the v of the blonde’s shirt and bites softly at the flesh there, sucking and licking until she feels a hickey form under her mouth. Yelena writhes beneath her, breathing heavily as Kate slowly eases her shirt off. She reaches around Kate’s back and unclasps her bra, licking her lips nervously as it comes loose. She throws it to the side, not taking her eyes off of Kate.

Kate returns the favor, taking Yelena’s bra off too and she sits back, admiring the woman in front of her. “You’re beautiful.” She breathes, sliding off the bed so she can kneel by Yelena’s feet. She unbuttons her jeans and pulls them off, revealing a pair of nondescript blue cotton panties. She leans forward and mouths at the fabric and Yelena moans above her, her hands coming to rest in Kate’s hair. Kate teases her a little longer, licking and sucking at the fabric, until Yelena tugs at Kate’s hair. She moans into Yelena’s thigh, the dull ache in her scalp sending white hot bolts of heat to her stomach.

“Is this another one of your quirks” Yelena asks curiously. She tugs at Kate’s hair again and Kate has to bite back a moan, but her face betrays her. Yelena looks delighted. “Does pain turn you on, Kate Bishop?”

You turn me on, Kate wants to answer. But instead, she chooses to answer with something else. “Not pain, exactly.” Kate muses, nuzzling into Yelena’s thigh. She drops an absentminded kiss there. “It’s mostly just someone else being in control, I guess.” It’s not untrue, but it’s not the whole truth. Kate suspects that she enjoys it when it’s Yelena in particular doing the controlling, but she’s not going to examine that feeling at all. Definitely no deeper underlying reason there.

Yelena considers her carefully. “You like being told what to do.”

“I guess.” Her fingertips skim the edge of Yelena’s underwear, dipping inside once they reach her hips. “I don’t really mind, though. I’d rather just… go with the flow.” She pushes the underwear down Yelena’s legs and discards them in one fluid motion. Yelena takes a sharp breath, her legs twitching as if she means to cover herself.

“You’re beautiful.” Kate repeats, pressing a firm kiss to her belly. She kisses her way down, stopping once she gets to Yelena’s opening, glancing up at her. She’s sitting up, leaning back on her elbows, her head thrown back, trembling. She sees Kate watching her and raises an eyebrow, asks: “What are you waiting for?”

Kate leans back in and presses her mouth to Yelena’s folds, letting her tongue sneak inside her. She laps at her entrance slowly, with barely any pressure and Yelena groans, gripping Kate’s hair tighter and grinding against her mouth.

Yes.” Yelena moans, rolling her hips again as Kate finds her clit and begins to lick it. “Fuck, harder Kate.” Kate obliges and begins to suck on it, bringing her fingers up to rub against her folds. She continues licking and sucking at Yelena’s clit as she slowly pushes two fingers inside her. Yelena moans, gripping her hair tighter and tighter. Kate begins to finger her faster, her tongue moving at the same speed as her fingers. Above her, Yelena lets out a string of swears, grinding against Kate’s face even harder. Kate gets lost in the sensation, her thoughts going fuzzy as Yelena’s heat envelops her, the blonde becoming the only thing she can think about, it’s as if she’s the only thing Kate has ever known, ever will know.

Yelena grips Kate’s shoulder, yanking her back to the present. “I’m going to come.” She moans, and Kate speeds up until Yelena is crying out in pleasure, seizing up and then all of a sudden, going limp against her.

“Fuck.” The blonde breathes, falling backwards onto her back.

Kate rests her cheek on Yelena’s thigh, and the blonde absentmindedly combs her fingers through her hair, still lying down. “You called me Kate.” She belatedly realizes. Yelena hums but says nothing. They stay like that a little longer, Yelena petting her head and Kate tracing little hearts on the inside of Yelena’s thigh.

“That was my first time.” Yelena says after a bit. Kate’s finger stalls, her heart beginning to race.

“What?”

Yelena turns a delicate shade of red and drums her free hand on the bed. “It was my first time with someone else.”

Kate stands up and Yelena’s hand drops to her side. “What do you mean?”

“What do you think I mean?” Yelena says, rolling her eyes. “I was in the Red Room for the majority of my life, and when I escaped I was a little too busy trying to save the other enslaved Widows to get laid. And it wasn’t really my first priority when I did get some time to rest.” She pauses, looking at Kate with an unreadable expression. “And then I died. So, yes, this was my first time.”

“So, the thing at Rockefeller, that was the first time you…”

“Yeah.” Yelena shrugs nonchalantly.

Kate doesn’t know what to say. She doesn’t really know what to think either, she hasn’t ever taken anyone’s virginity before, not without giving her own. But then, she also recognizes that virginity is a social construct and all that fun stuff, but still, she didn’t know it was Yelena’s first time with someone. As if Yelena can sense what she’s feeling, she grabs Kate’s hand and says, “It’s really not that big of a deal.”

“Not that big of a deal?” Kate exclaims. “If I had known, I could’ve at least made it better for you.”

To her surprise, Yelena laughs. “Stop fishing for compliments, Kate Bishop. You did perfectly fine.”

“Fishing for - I’m not fishing for compliments!” Kate protests. “And I did way more than fine.” That makes Yelena laugh even harder, and she pulls Kate back onto her lap. “You’re so fucking infuriating.” Kate informs her, before capturing Yelena’s bottom lip into her own mouth. Yelena smiles into the kiss. “Your turn now?”

Kate quickly forgets about her indignation after that, because Yelena may be slightly less experienced than her, but damn, her tongue can do some seriously impressive things.

 

 

After that, it’s like a dam breaks loose. They have like, a lot of sex. Most of the time now, Kate falls asleep with Yelena on the sofa bed, but she’s always up before Yelena, never missing a day of exercise. Once, Kate comes home from college and Yelena is at the door, welcoming her with a flurry of kisses. They don’t even make it to the bed, they end up with their hands shoved down each other's pants with Kate pressed up against the wall, Yelena’s mouth on her neck. Another time, Yelena is awake when she gets back from her morning run, and she accosts Kate before she can step into the shower, sucking a hickey into her still sweaty neck.

“That’s so gross.” Kate breathes, her nose wrinkling, but her complaints quickly cease when Yelena drops to her knees right there in the bathroom. But mostly, it’s Kate who initiates. It usually just takes a meaningful glance or an intentionally placed hand, and they’re suddenly all over each other.

One day, Yelena visits Kate at college. She’s just about to go into her first class when she sees Yelena leaning against the wall by the door, holding a thermos.

“Hey roomie.” Kate greets, surprised. “You forgot your coffee.” Yelena tells her, holding up the thermos. Kate did forget her coffee, and she was cursing herself all the way to class. She was running late too, so she would’ve had to wait until after to get a cup. Overcome with a sudden burst of affection for the blonde, she beams at her and plants a quick kiss on her cheek. “You’re a lifesaver.”

Yelena turns pink, and Kate is 99% sure it isn’t from the cold.

They begin to exchange sporadic texts. Kate texts her whenever she’s bored in class, sending her memes or just moaning about the boring professors. Yelena usually responds with crisp, straight to the point messages, but slowly, she warms up to the whole ‘texting for fun’ thing. In the middle of class, the same day Yelena brings her coffee, Kate pulls out her phone to text her.

Kate: hey
Yelena: Hello. You should be focusing on class.
Kate: yes ma'am
Yelena: Save that for when we’re in bed. I’m not going to fuck you if you flunk out of college.

After that, Kate can’t concentrate at all for the remainder of the day, and as soon as her classes are over, she rushes home to Yelena who welcomes her with open arms (and spread legs).

At one point, Kate realizes that they fuck more than they actually talk to each other, and for some reason, that upsets her.

You’re being stupid, she tells herself. This is what you wanted, a no-strings attached, friends with benefits situation.

But was it really? She wasn’t the one that brought up the term ‘friends with benefits’, it was Yelena. What else could their relationship be though? It’s not like she wanted Yelena to be her… girlfriend or something. The second she has that thought, she shoves it into the deepest corner of her mind and locks it up. Nothing good ever comes out of exploring those kinds of thoughts.

Instead of dwelling on that, she decides to text Clint.

Kate: hey
Clint: How’s it going?
Clint: Laura and the kids says hi.
Kate: its going ok college is good stuff is good
Kate: hi laura and the kids
Clint: How is Yelena?
Kate: 😏
Clint: Delete my number immediately.

Unfortunately, texting Clint is the best thing that happens to her all day. The rest of her day goes horribly, she’s late to her first class because she gets stuck in traffic, and her favorite breakfast place is closed for the day. She forgets her bag in her last class and only remembers when she’s halfway home, and she has to turn back.

When she’s leaving the classroom for the second time, she runs into Alia, a tall, dark haired girl that sits next to her in one of her classes. They’ve gone out for lunch a few times together, Kate likes her well enough. They get to talking and eventually, Kate invites her back home for dinner. She shoots a quick text to Yelena while they’re in the car, letting her know that she’s bringing someone home with her.

Yelena greets them at the apartment, all smiles and witty jokes. Kate breathes a secret sigh of relief, she didn’t know how bringing other people around would go. She likes Yelena a lot, truly, but sometimes she was a bit… rude. Or maybe that was just a Kate-specific thing. She watches this weird, alien version of Yelena offer to get Alia a drink and make a joke about their kitchen layout.

“Your roommate is so cool.” Alia whispers to Kate when they walk to the corner of the apartment which now acts as a pseudo living room, the old couch and an armchair making a little triangle with the TV. Kate nods, a strange, tight feeling in her chest. “She is.”

Yelena comes into the living room and hands them their drinks. Then, she perches on the armrest of the chair Alia’s sitting on, instead of sitting next to Kate on the sofa which would’ve made way more sense. She scowls into her drink as Yelena laughs at something Alia says, laughing hard enough to have to grab the back of the chair to steady herself. It wasn’t even that funny, Kate thinks sourly. And then, to make matters worse, Yelena leaves her arm around the headrest, and Kate feels positively sick at how domestic she and Alia look.

Kate tunes out the rest of the conversation, sullenly nursing her drink and giving monosyllabic answers whenever she’s addressed. She doesn’t know why she’s being so contrary. It’s probably just that she’s not used to sharing Yelena with other people, she’s gotten so used to having her all to herself. Maybe it’s healthy then, that they’re spending time with other people, and that Yelena is getting along with Alia so well.

So why does her chest hurt everytime she looks at Yelena and Alia getting along way better than she and Kate ever have?

She sighs, swirling around her half-empty glass. She can’t even blame her stupid thoughts on alcohol, they’re just drinking tea. Suddenly, she desperately wishes she had something a bit stronger. A whole lot stronger. God, she’s acting like an idiot.

When they migrate back to the kitchen to eat, Kate makes sure to sit on Yelena’s side. She feels much better, much more sure of herself and she involves herself in the conversation again. They talk about their classes and their plans for the future, and Kate can relax a little. But then, Yelena says something that makes Alia laugh, and suddenly, those two are the only ones in the room again, their topic of conversation derailing and turning into something Kate has nothing of value to add to.

By the end of the night, Kate is so frustrated that she’s one step away from kicking Alia out. Technically, her friend has done nothing wrong, but looking at her makes Kate increasingly irritated. While she and Yelena continue their conversation about Eastern European politics, Kate amuses herself with envisioning the different ways she could have Alia “accidentally” come into contact with one of her trick arrows. Finally (finally!!!) around 12 a.m, Alia stands up and says, “It’s pretty late, I should get going.”

“Oh, so soon?” Kate asks happily, ushering her over to the door. Yelena shoots her a strange look.

“This was really fun! We should do this again soon.” Alia says, oblivious. She leans against the door jamb, looking right at Yelena. It seriously irks Kate. “We should.” Yelena replies, smiling back. Kate internally rolls her eyes and resists the urge to reach for her bow which is hidden in the closet right next to her. Instead, without thinking, she steps forward and slips her arm around Yelena’s waist, pulling the blonde close to her. Yelena turns towards her and cocks her head ever so slightly, questioning. Kate lightly shrugs back, resting her head on Yelena’s shoulder.

Alia takes in their position and smiles slowly. “You guys make a cute couple.”

Kate smiles too, very smug. “Thanks.” She says before Yelena can say anything. “I’ll see you in class!”

She shuts the door as soon as Alia disappears down the corner and turns to face a very angry looking Yelena.

“What was that?” She asks, her eyebrows narrowed.

“What was what?” Kate replies nervously. This is the closest to being mad she’s ever seen Yelena. Even when they were beating the shit out of each other, Yelena wasn’t angry, but now…

“You let her think we are together.” Yelena says. Kate shrugs, exasperated. “Does it really matter?”

“Does it really matter?” Yelena repeats, incredulous. “Yes, it matters, because we are not together! We fuck sometimes, that’s it. That’s what you wanted.”

“That’s what you wanted!” Kate says angrily. “Don’t pin that on me.”

“So what do you want then, huh?” Yelena asks, a hard edge to her voice. Kate rolls her eyes and turns to walk away, ignoring the lump in her throat that’s quickly forming. “Whatever.”

“No, don’t you walk away Kate Bishop!” Yelena yells after her. “Why are you acting like this?”

Kate stomps up the stairs and throws herself into her bed, seething quietly. And then, she realizes that it’s been weeks since she slept in her own bed. Blinking away sudden tears, she ducks under the covers to block out the noise of Yelena moving around downstairs and desperately wishes that she had never invited Alia home in the first place. Her tears start to fall then, and she angrily wipes at them.

Fuck, she thinks. I’m in love with Yelena Belova.