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The Splintered Soul

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University of Amsterdam dorms, Amsterdam, Holland. December 7th, 1942

 

“Oh come on. I showed my scar and told you about it. Show me yours.” Sebastian prompted as the two lay on the student’s bed and fed Elizabeth small strips of chicken after having her do tricks. He put forth his left palm to add more weight to the impel as he showed the four circular scars in his hand from when he had been playing a game of tag with his sister and she had gotten upset when he won, grabbing a fork and shoving it into his hand. It had hurt like hell, but that’s when Sebastian had also decided to become a doctor because the man who took care of him had been so nice and made him feel better quickly. On that day the little seven-year-old said he wanted to do that too and now here he was.

 

Ciel put his hand over his eyepatch and shook his head. “You chose to tell your story. I haven’t done the same for mine.”

 

“Did you lose your eye?” the student asked, stroking his fingers down Lizzie’s long back.

 

Ciel shook his head.

 

“Then why do you where the patch?”

 

“Because.”

 

“Oh come on, tell me!” Sebastian whined as he stretched over the bed, laying his head on Ciel’s crossed legs.

 

The librarian leaned down and kissed his nose. “No.”

 

He huffed and stared up at his boyfriend, trying to fight the urge to rip the eyepatch off and see what exactly he was hiding under it. But he would never do that. It had taken a lot to gain Ciel’s trust, he would not throw it away just for simple curiosity. Instead he stuck out his bottom lip and stared up at the librarian.

 

After a minute of this, Ciel huffed and reached behind his head to pull the end of the bow securing the patch on. It dropped into his lap, revealing a slightly misty eye, lighter than his other. He looked away bashfully and Sebastian realized he had immediately dropped into his habit of studying any abnormality of the body. “It looks like cataracts.” he said after a minute.

 

“It’s something along those lines. I don’t quite remember. I was four or five when it first appeared and all I can recall was the operation being too expensive.” Ciel tried to shrug casually but it was more awkward and self-conscious. “It’s just embarrassing; it’s why I wear the patch to cover it.”

 

Sebastian nodded. “I understand.”

 

Ciel retied the eyepatch around his head then laid down with his boyfriend, his ferret clambering onto his chest and curling up as he pet her. They lay there for a while, needing nothing more than each other’s company, until Ciel shot up suddenly. “I’ve got to get home.” he declared, holding his hand out for Lizzie to climb up onto his shoulder.

 

Sebastian frowned and pushed himself onto his elbows. “What? Why?”

 

“Alois is going to kill me for being late.” the librarian groaned to himself, entirely ignorant of Sebastian’s question until he put a hand on the raven haired man’s.

 

“What is it?” he asked gently.

 

“Hanukkah!” Ciel proclaimed happily.

 

Sebastian felt his heart drop at that simple word. No... No, he'd heard it wrong. Of course he had. It was something else entirely. But the student couldn't even think of another word to replace that one. “H-Hanukkah? You’re a Jew...” he whispered and Ciel nodded immediately.

 

“Of course I’m a Jew, why else would I be getting the morning shifts for the past three days? Certainly not because I like mornings!”

 

The student slapped his hand over his boyfriend’s mouth when he got too loud. “You can’t say stuff like that!” he hissed.

 

Ciel narrowed his eyes and shoved Sebastian’s hand off. “I can and I will. I have no fear of Hitler, I know My Lord will protect me. I will not refute what I know to be true just for fear of my life. His will be done, not mine.”

 

Sebastian looked at him for a moment before shaking his head. “How can you say such things? Rotterdam was destroyed along with hundreds of lives. Jews are being stripped and shot in Russia. Poland is full of ghettos where the Jews are forced to stay. How can this be His will? How can you be faithful to an absent god?”

 

“Just as your parents could not coddle you away from all the evil of the world, so our God cannot. Nothing is learned and that’s why we’re here: to learn. If we don’t, our earthly lives mean nothing.

 

“The good His people do must have a counterpart and that is evil. There cannot be joy without sorrow. Those are laws that are irrefutable - for without sorrow you would not know what joy was. So there is evil in the world that we may know good.”

 

“How could your god allow something like this?!” demanded Sebastian, Ciel meeting his gaze fiercely.

 

“Because men have free will. It is all part of the plan: if you used your agency to do honourably in this world, you will gain eternal life in heaven. If you chose to sate your own personal interest and trod on others on the way, then you’ll be punished. It’s very beautiful when you take the time to study it. No one is forced to do anything.”

 

Sebastian shook his head. “I can’t believe in that when I see all the suffering in our world.”

 

“Right, I forgot, your whole goal in life is to become a doctor with a god complex!” Ciel spat. “I don’t have time for this; I have to get going.” He turned on his heel, snatching his bag up on his way out before he slammed the door.

 

Sebastian flopped back with a sigh. Ciel was a Jew…. The student had heard plenty of stories of what happened to the Jews, along with the disabled and homosexual. His eyes widened suddenly. If the Nazis ever found out about two of those together, Ciel would be screwed six ways to Sunday. His eyepatch made it clear enough he wasn’t perfectly healthy, but it was just an eyepatch. If they were in Germany it would probably be enough to condemn him, but soldiers here were more lenient. But if they found out about his Jewish heritage or homosexuality…

 

He turned to look at the door. “I won’t let them know, I swear it. They’re not going to hurt you or Alois.” he whispered into the quiet of his dorm.

 


 

Apartment building in Amsterdam, Holland. December 14th, 1942

 

“I told you you didn’t have to do anything for me.” Ciel mumbled. His eyes were covered by Sebastian’s hands as he was led up the flight of stairs to his apartment, fingers holding tightly to the student’s sleeves to help keep himself from tripping.

 

“If I did nothing for your birthday, well what kind of boyfriend would I be?” Sebastian hummed in his ear. “We’re almost there, just a couple more steps.”

 

Ciel nodded and lifted his feet carefully as his hand reached out blindly for the doorknob; he found it with a little guidance from Sebastian. As soon as the door closed behind them the hands were removed from his eyes to reveal the pink and blue streamers hung around the room, silver balloons on the floor. “Happy birthday!” Sebastian and Alois exclaimed in unison..

 

A slow grin spread over the librarian’s face and he leaned down to pick up one of the balloons. “How ever did you come by all this?”

 

“Don’t ask.” Sebastian said.

 

“Yes, just have cake!” Alois grinned, shoving a plate into his brother’s hands.

 

Ciel laughed and ruffled Alois’ blonde hair before he sat down to eat. “Chocolate?” he asked around a mouthful of dessert.

 

“Devil’s food cake. I made it myself.” the youngest beamed proudly.

 

“Good job. But you two really didn’t have to go through the trouble of all this-”

 

Sebastian shushed him with a kiss. “We already did, so get over it and enjoy it.”

 

Ciel laughed and ate the bite of cake Sebastian held up in front of his mouth. Alois made a face at them when Sebastian kissed the icing off his boyfriend’s lip. “You two are nasty.” he mumbled and pulled Pluto into his lap, the little white puppy licking at his chin.

 

Sebastian pulled back with a chuckle. “You never told me how you got the dog.”

 

“We found him.” the elder Spretto said as he leaned back against Sebastian’s chest. “We were walking and there he was. Alois wanted to keep him so…” he shrugged. Then he leaned in to whisper, “Plus, he really helps Alois when he gets in a bad mind set, so he stays.”

 

“Oh.” the student nodded. He looked over when Alois ran to the bedroom. He raised a brow as the boy returned with a box in hand and Ciel groaned. “Bloody hell… Alois, we’re not-”

 

“Pleeeease!” he whined.

 

“No, we-”

 

“But Ciel-”

 

“It’s a stupid-”

 

“Don’t call it stupid-!”

 

“You never even finish a game-”

 

“You never give me a chance-”

 

“You get bored after five minutes-”

 

“I do not!”

 

“You do too!”

 

Sebastian got up and stood between the siblings. “What the hell are you two talking about?” He held his hand up when both Sprettos started to talk over each other.

 

“I want to play Monopoly.” Alois proclaimed when Sebastian gestured to him.

 

“Monopoly is so boring.” Ciel grumbled.

 

“We can play it quickly!” his brother argued.

 

“It’s never quick!”

 

“If we actually played it we’d know the rules, then we could play it quick!”

 

You’re the one that finds something else to do halfway through the game every time.”

 

“It’s not every time!”

 

“I’ve got a game!” Sebastian cut in, effectively getting both brother’s attention. “It’s called Teeko.”

 

Ciel nodded. “We’ve got it. Father and Mother sent it to us last year. We haven’t had the chance to play it yet though.”

 

“I’ll go get it.” Alois volunteered before he ran back to the bedroom, returning with the box.

 

It took roughly half an hour for Sebastian to explain it - mainly to Alois; Ciel had it down quickly - but then they spent two or so hours playing it. Once Alois yawned, Ciel helped him get ready for bed and kissed his forehead goodnight.

 

“Thank you for this.” the librarian whispered when he returned to the couch, reclining against his boyfriend’s chest. “It’s more fun for a birthday than I’ve had for a few years now.”

 

“It’s not over yet.” Sebastian whispered in his ear, voice getting low and husky.

 

Ciel grinned and turned to look at him. “My, Mr. Michaelis, you couldn’t possible be speaking of something scandalous, now could you?”

 

“You’re damn right I am.” Sebastian chuckled before he kissed him. It was slow and sweet at first but all it took was one little nip from Ciel before it got rougher, tongues battling for dominance.

 

The student laid back with his lover on his chest. His mouth slid away from Ciel’s down his jaw to the base of his throat, a soft sigh falling from the smaller man’s lips as he arched his neck to expose more sensitive skin.

 

“Have you ever done this before?” Sebastian asked gently against his Adam’s apple before wrapping his lips around it and sucking, his tongue lavishing the taut skin.

 

It took Ciel a moment to get a reply out through his soft moans. “I’ve done it, yes, but never with another man.”

 

He nodded and got up to grab a bottle of lotion from his school bag. “The couch probably isn’t the best place, and the bedroom’s off limits at the moment as well.”

 

“There’s always the floor.” Ciel smirked and slid off the sofa to sit on the carpet, pushing Sebastian to lay down when he was joined on the floor by the student.

 

Shirts and jackets went quickly after that. “I didn’t realize how much you worked out.” the librarian commented with a grin as he kissed along Sebastian’s toned abdomen.

 

“Sometimes you have to take a break from homework.” he replied a little breathlessly, fingers stroking through Ciel’s silky hair.

 

“Now these are just a bother.” he pouted when he got to the waistband of Sebastian’s jeans and the student quickly removed them. Ciel swiped his tongue across his lips as he viewed his lover’s near naked form. “My, what a simply delicious predicament we’ve gotten into.” he grinned before Sebastian tugged him in for another kiss, sliding off the other’s jeans and underwear with lingering hands.

 

“You talk a lot.”

 

Ciel shrugged, taking the lotion from his boyfriend. “It happens sometimes.”

 

Sebastian watched with a groan as Ciel spread lotion across his fingers then shoved two into himself. His hips canted in time to the slow thrusts his hand was making, a mouth watering moan of Sebastian's name falling from his lips as he got up to three fingers. He scissored them inside himself for a moment more before easing them out. “You’re clean, correct? No need for a condom?” he asked while getting more lotion and spreading it along Sebastian’s thick cock.

 

The student nodded with a wanton moan. He held Ciel’s hips as he slid down on his length with a quiet groan. Ciel took a minute to fold his legs and get them under himself right, hands resting on Sebastian’s shoulders, before he rolled his hips slowly and lifted himself along the length of his cock.

 

It wasn’t long before the pace became fast and rough, hips slamming together and loud moans fall from each of their lips. Sebastian actually slapped his hand over Ciel’s mouth when he let out a loud shout of “Fuck!” as his prostate was hit.

 

He whimpered and leaned down to kiss his lover passionately. “Sebastian!” he whimpered as his climax hit him, ropes of white come shooting between their stomachs. Sebastian groaned at Ciel’s hole clenching on him, his orgasm not far behind with a quieter call of his lover's name.

 

They lay panting for a while before Ciel slowly shifted, letting Sebastian’s spent dick slid out of him. He stretched his legs out with a little groan, stiff from being in that position for so long, and pulled a blanket from off the couch, draping it across their bodies as he settles atop Sebastian’s chest, small hands cupping his cheeks. “I love you.” he whispered with a little smile, kissing the student’s nose.


Sebastian smiled as he snaked arms around his waist. “I love you too, Ciel.” he said softly and the man tucked his head under Sebastian’s chin, both dropping to sleep easily, both unaware of the stuttering messes they were going to be in the morning when Alois woke them, innocently questioning what they had been doing last night that ended with them falling asleep like this.