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New Rule, No Stalking

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“What the hell?! Where did you even come from?”

“He almost hit you!”

“Almost, he wouldn't've,”


“And what if he did!”

“Even if he did I’m a big villain and I can fight my own battles! What the HELL are you doing here?”

“I’m here to protect you! Since apparently you can’t!”

“Excuse me, what makes you think you have the right? You can’t talk to me like that.”


“I think you should leave.”

“I was trying to help!”

“That doesn’t give you the right to VAPORIZE my nemeses!”

“Oh come on that crime solving clubhouse didn’t count as your nemeses, you won’t miss them.”

“I had four more months of back and forth with them planned! Which you just ruined!”

“They could have KILLED YOU I-”



“Alex are you okay?”

“I could’ve lost you, I can’t- I’m sorry, I can’t. I didn’t mean to. But you’re right, you’re right, I uh”

“Wait no are you? Don’t cry. Oh my god don’t cry dude, it’s fine, it’s totally fine you can kill them they’re not even my nemeses, it’s okay, I’m not mad.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,”

“No no don’t be, c’mere, shhh.”


“Shhhh, what’s wrong? Deep breaths. This isn’t like you, what’s all this about?”



“It’s nothing.”


“Well uh, um, remember when you were in the hospital?”


“You really scared me.”

“Shhh, but that was months ago, why this now?”

“Well at first I was taking care of you,”

“Thanks for that,”

“-and then we did some team ups, did the elaborate revenge, although I wish I did worse to those-”

“Getting distracted there bud, then we went back to normal, you were worried about me at first but that was months ago. Why now?”



“Don’t be mad.”

“Tell me.”

“Ok so um you’re right I was worried, so um, I just started uhhh following you around in secret, um, like a lot.”


“You said you wouldn’t be mad!”

“Don’t even try.”


“So you’ve been following me around in secret, how much?”

“A lot.”

“Define a lot.”

“Anytime you’re doing the villain thing and also sometimes when you’re in public as a civvie.”

“As a civvie?!”

“Other villains attack the city sometimes, plus you could be hit by a car, or a bus, or something could fall on you, or you could fall, and then there’s the E tier and below criminals- not that I think you’re incompetant but the element of surprise is always a risk and you could get sick and-”

“Breathe dude, wow is it me or did you just learn about the concept of mortality?”

“It sucks and I hate it, I’ve also been looking into immortality and invulnerability.”

“Seriously? With what time? No nevermind. Ok focus. I’m sure it must be scary learning about vulnerability and mortality for the first time.”

“I took a first aid course. Your body is vulnerable to so many things.”

“A first aid course? Damn you were really worried huh.”

“I’m still worried.”

“Which is why I’m not mad.”

“Thank god.”

“But this cannot continue, it’s creepy, and not a healthy way to manage your anxiety. Like seriously do SSRI’s not work on you?”

“Probably not.”

“Fair enough then. Ok so how do you feel about just not stalking me anymore?”

“Bad. Really really bad.”

“Ok then how about this… ok. Ground rules if you’re following me around you HAVE to tell me about it, like that’s non negotiable.”

“Yes, of course, no problem.”

“Good. Then how about I ask you for back up if I’m planning something that might be dangerous, and you try trusting me and the fact I know more about being a squishy little D tier than you do.”

“That sounds good. Uhh can I still follow you sometimes?”

“If you ask first.”

“Thank you, and uhh sorry for all the stalking. And disintegrating your heroes.”

“Eh there’s always more where they came from.”