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liar liar, lick spit

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Sunoo pulls his hair back and pushes a vaseline-slathered finger across his parched bottom lip, baring his teeth into the mirror. His forehead is sweaty and the skin on his face feels like it isn’t his, the air around him thrumming incessently, quiet. Frigid, mainly. 

Behind him, Jay tilts back in his makeup chair, silent and watchful. Sunoo lets his eyes flit his way through the glass. Jay catches his gaze and holds it, expression simple as his stylist flutters about him, dotting specks of silver glitter around his eyelids. 

To match the theme, the tenacity is bearable if it matches the- it’s all lazy, Sunoo knows. Lazy, tired, bullshit. 

He knows that Jay knows it makes him look pretty. Knows it’s intentional, all of it. Worst, Sunoo thinks as the corners of Jay’s mouth pull further downward, he knows it’s warranted. 

After all- and this is if Sunoo chooses to sing the oversung ballad: Jay’s sort of an unshakable breed of alluring. It’s the type that’s tough to upkeep, more or less- where his sheer unattainability is such an uncomfortably large reason backing his appeal.

It’s also the type where he flies miles beyond anything mortally possible. A hair’s inch, a faltered breath. Anything realistic. Miles beyond anything containing even a morsel of potential for more. 

Anyone would want that. (More, Sunoo means.)

Jay’s frown goes shiny, licked a bloody sheen by the darting tip of his tongue. Something bitter cranks itself through to Sunoo’s throat. 

Sometimes, it can be a bit disturbing. 

“You alright?” Jay mouths before Sunoo can think to glance away. His gaze has become rounder. He’s become more focused. 

Most times

Luckily, Sunoo is focused, too. He always is- has to be.

“I’m good, Jay-hyung.” He affirms. “You?” Aloud and honest. 

Jay’s smile is immediate. “Also good.” It splits across his lips like a vote of confidence. His tone pitches upward, teasing and shaky. “You sure you’re alright?”

Sunoo nods. Broadly, he returns Jay’s grin. There’s an absurd feeling burning in his ribcage. “Why would I lie?” 

+

“Right,” Sunoo repeats from his spot outside the bathroom door, toeing the carpeted ground. “Why would you lie.” 

“Exactly. I’m not,” Jay’s sneer is rampant in his voice. The door swings open. Jay stands before Sunoo, towel wrapped around his waist, his face screwed up in annoyance. He thrusts out a hand, brow wrinkled. “Just give me the damn shirt, Sunoo, stop asking me stupid questions.”

Jay does have no reason to lie about needing to see Sunoo, Sunoo thinks. He’s not like him, after all. It’s near 2 AM and practice has run late, and perhaps Sunoo’s mind’s been thrown off kilter. He’s acting thoughtless. A common ordeal. 

“Sorry.” Sunoo mumbles, stares away from Jay’s bare chest. 

He thrusts out one of the wrinkled t-shirts he found hanging along the drying rack, one of those cotton HYBE shirts, worn down by relentless cycles in the wash. Jay sighs. “Thank you,” He snaps. 

His hand is slippery when it fumbles outward and collides with Sunoo’s own over its grip clasped around the fabric. Sunoo jerks away at the touch almost instantly, releases the shirt like he’s been struck. 

Jay watches as it thuds softly against the tiles. For a long moment, he says nothing. 

Sunoo blinks. His skin is blistering hot. “Night, hyung.” He whispers. 

He’s not even halfway through making a move for the entryway when Jay’s words steel him still. His tone hasn’t changed in the slightest. “Stay,” He sighs, like this situation that’s frankly barely even begun has already started to exasperate him.  

That compels Sunoo to comply. “Sorry,” He mumbles again, watches halfheartedly as Jay picks up the shirt and slips into it with a few haphazard movements. “I’m just tired,” He mumbles some more, holds onto a breath when Jay elbows the door shut, pinning him with a gaze.

Jay says nothing. He tilts back against the bathroom sink, spine curled against the mirror. There’s about a 5 foot distance between them. Sunoo could easily slip out. The door’s not even locked. Jay wouldn’t stop him if he did.

He doesn’t move. 

“Are you upset,” Jay says. 

“No,” Sunoo says. 

Jay shuts his eyes. 

“Sunoo,” Jay says.

“Work with me.” Jay begs. 

“I’m working with you,” Sunoo is not upset. “I’m not upset,” Why would he be upset? “Why do you ask, hyung.” 

Jay sinks a tooth into his knuckle. He speaks through skin, voice lowered in intent. 

“I don’t know,” He admits. “You’ve been acting strange. I just thought. Maybe- maybe after you saw me and Sung-”

Sunoo’s heart is being ripped out through his throat. “It’s fine,” He jerks up off the wall, swallows the rest of Jay’s sentence with his own. “Like I said, not a huge deal for me. I don’t care.” 

Jay’s skin nearly breaks around his teeth. “You mean it?” 

Sunoo is being strangled against the very wall he’s propped up against. “Course I do, hyung.”

+

Nights ago, Sunoo finds Jay like this:

On the carpeted floor of Sunoo’s shared bedroom, clad in a thin shirt and soiled navy blue briefs, thighs spread and his eyes crossed. Sunghoon’s cock is crammed full into his mouth. Sunghoon’s cum is smeared into his forehead, his bangs, his eyelashes. Sunghoon’s hands wrapped tightly around the hair at the back of his neck, thrusting upward, Sunghoon’s name whimpered around Sunghoon’s cock. 

Sunghoon, Jay whines when Sunghoon yanks him off to release onto his spent face, Sunghoon, Sunghoon, Sunghoon.

“So fucking good,” Sunghoon grunts. He’s lost in his own observations, he’s lost in the present. “So pretty like this, fuck-”

They catch sight of Sunoo’s dry mouth seconds after his arrival. Sunoo disappears before they can process it.

(Sunghoon, Sunoo thinks. Sunghoon, Sunghoon, Sunghoon.)

+

“You’re ignoring Jay,” Sunghoon tells Sunoo. 

He grabs his shoulder after breakfast, yanks him into the kitchen to crowd at the sink front. Sunoo shakes him off and grips the dish soap tight in his fingers- wants, for some odd reason, to punch him. 

“I’m not ignoring anyone.” He grits out. “Leave your dishes. I’ll take care of them.” 

Sunghoon sets down his plate but doesn’t back away. “Sunoo-yah. There’s nothing-” He flutters lean fingers across the countertop, pretty and curled. Fairy-like fingers for a fairy-like boy. Sunoo is going to punch him. “There’s nothing wrong between us, right?” 

“Nothing at all, hyung.” Sunoo affirms. Nothing at all.

“Thought so.” Sunghoon’s voice is in his chest when he lowers it, eyebrows wrenching together insistently. “It’s just that after you saw-” 

“Hyung, again- nothing is wrong,” Sunoo whirls around. Soap suds fly up to glamp onto his chin when he plunges his hands deep into residue-seeped water, fingers clenching around hot metal. It’s obvious that nothing is. “Nothing at all.” 

Jay’s on his feet when Sunoo sees him next. His cheeks are bark-red. His fingers are shaking at his sides, short and wobbly. It’s a cloudy morning, a school morning, and their manager’s car is late. Sunoo looks past him, and Jay looks stranded. 

“Why are you angry with me,” Jay accuses. His words echo in the lobby hallway, vacated and cold. “You told me that everything was fine.” 

Sunoo is not angry with anybody. “I’m not angry with anybody.” 

“You’re lying,” Jay is spluttering. “Sunghoon says you totally lashed out on him yesterday morning. And don’t act like you haven’t been avoiding me,” He’s chewing on the inside of his lip, Sunoo can see from the way his jaw jerks.

Sunoo breathes out through his nostrils. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Sunghoon says you-”

Sunoo’s breath escapes him, and his laugh comes out shot. “Maybe Sunghoon needs to stop taking everything so seriously.” 

Jay’s fingers shake harder. He says nothing about the lack of hyung attached to Sunghoon’s name, but Sunoo wouldn’t correct himself even so.

“Sunoo,” Jay says, like he’s desperate. “Come on.”

Sunoo sighs. “What do you want me to do, Jay hyung.” He’s at his wit’s end, apparently. “I’m telling you all I know.”

Jay’s eyebrows crash into his nose. He reaches outward, pushes those shaking fingers around Sunoo’s clothed elbow, winds the fabric tight into his palm. 

“Don’t be like this,” Jay whispers. Says this, too, like he’s desperate. Maybe he is. Maybe Sunoo is, too. “Please, Sunoo.”

Sunoo doesn’t nudge him off. Maybe he’s feeling lenient. 

“Is there anything more, there?” He asks. 

“Anything where,” Jay asks, setting his jaw and narrowing his eyes. 

The van pulls up. Sunoo doesn’t elaborate, and Jay doesn’t ask for him to. 

+

Jay’s pretty, but Sunoo is, too. Sunoo knows he’s just as appealing as his untouchable hyung, stocks away the heavy gazes he gets in school hallways, dorm bathrooms, radio station corridors, like they’re points to draw from later on.  He’s softspoken and he has a sweet laugh, his eyes are round and his shirts smell like mint. He knows this. Everyone knows this. 

“Jay-hyung’s waiting for you in the practice room lobby,” Jungwon tells Sunoo.

Sunoo also knows a set-up when he sees one. 

+

“It’s like you want me to be angry,” Sunoo says upon entering. Jay’s waiting in the blackened room, looking anxious on a chair. 

“I told you already. I had no problem with you sucking Sunghoon-hyung’s dick.” He grabs a fistful of Jay’s newly ironed hair, mimics Sunghoon’s movements from days before by jerking Jay closer, stares him in the eye like he’s got all the time in the world to muse over his state. 

Jay gasps at the impact. “Fuck,” He whimpers, chokes on a gargled breath. “That fucking hurts,” He adds a beat later, like the fact that the physical pain he’s being put through is crucial to acknowledge registers. His eyes get shiny, his bottom lip stolen between his teeth. 

Jay doesn’t pull away. “Let go of me.” Jay orders, voice hardening. 

Sunoo doesn’t. “But hyung,” He sighs. “You liked it just fine when Sunghoon did it.” 

Jay’s eyes blow wide open. “I didn’t-” His voice contorts into something mangled, and he shuffles abruptly on his feet like he wants to pull himself away. Sunoo doesn’t let go, watches the older boy wrangle his thoughts in order, struggling to under his gaze. 

“So you were upset because of that,” Jay breathes at last, almost accusatory. 

So you were upset because of that,” Sunoo mocks, skin going hot. He tightens his grip around Jay’s scalp, drags him forward to snap into his ear. “Stop acting stupid, hyung.” 

Sunoo understands that the tears that quickly gather in Jay’s eyes are from his words and not the fact that his hair is nearly being ripped from his head. “Why didn’t you just tell me?” Jay presses, voice wobbly. 

Sunoo feels his words bubble and falter in his mouth, so he kisses him.

“I’m not angry,” Sunoo spits against Jay’s mouth when he pulls away, voice cutting. 

(It should be Sunoo, Sunoo thinks, Sunoo, Sunoo, Sunoo, around these bleeding lips of his Jongseong-hyung.)

“I have no reason to be angry.” Sunoo says. 

+

Sunoo is not angry.

Still, at the very least, he can do better than Park Sunghoon. 

+

“This must have been what you wanted all along,” Sunoo realizes, somewhere down the line, holding Jay’s head in place in between his legs. His mouth’s around Sunoo’s cock, Sunoo’s fingers, this time. Jay’s teeth clench around Sunoo’s thumb at the question, and Sunoo cusses at the pain, yanks his hand out of Jay’s mouth with a hiss. 

“The fuck-” Sunoo winces. A strand of Jay’s saliva hangs and breaks from his mouth onto his trembling thighs. 

Like he’s apologizing for hurting him, Jay tugs up to grip at Sunoo’s bruised hand, shoves it back into the mess of hair on his own head, moans around his cock when Sunoo tightens his grip. He hollows his cheeks around Sunoo’s length earnestly, eyelashes fluttering. Clearly, this is a question he’s trying to evade. 

Sunoo is curious. “Is this what you wanted, Jay-hyung?” He prods, fingers aching as he curls them into Jay’s scalp, pushes him further down his cock. “Is this who you wanted?” He grunts before Jay can think to respond, harsher. 

Jay chokes, nods like an idiot around Sunoo’s dick, round teardrops gathering in his eyes. He’s lost in his own observations, nearly lost in the present. “Is it?” Sunoo grunts, pulls him off his dick to let him respond, something close to desperation clawing through his ribcage 

“Answer me,” He wraps his fingers around Jay’s throat, feels like someone else’s are closing tightly around his own. “Jay hyung, come on.”

Jay blinks up at him, mouth a raw pink, lips slightly bloated. His hands fumble uselessly in his lap, pawing at his reddened knees. Expectedly, he makes no move to get away from Sunoo’s hold. 

“Yeah, Sunoo.” He confirms, words going strained when Sunoo’s fingers dig harder, tighter around his chin. “You’re the- you’re the one who I wanted. Want.” 

“Really,” Sunoo muses. “Really,” He asks again, loosens his grip.

Jay’s eyes well up with tears, his face a purplish red. 

“I mean it,” Jay says, voice breaking. 

Sunoo shakes his head. “I don’t doubt you,” He says. 

He lunges downward. Releases Jay’s neck to grip the sides of his face with both hands instead, knows his smile is pretty when he forces Jay’s face upward to stare right into it.

“Why didn’t you just tell me, then, hyung-nim?” Sunoo wonders through a coo, stroking Jay’s cheek once before pinching it, hard.

Jay makes a high-pitched noise that tails off into a whimper. “Fuck,” He cries, tipping forward onto his knees to bury his face into Sunoo’s thighs, trembling through a choppy orgasm, rutting his clothed cock hopelessly against the carpet. 

“Sunoo,” He gasps, again. “Sunoo-” 

He nearly screams when Sunoo laughs, leaning forward to pinch his nipple through his shirt. “You’re a wreck, Jay-hyung,” Sunoo whistles when Jay’s cock twitches, slightly impressed. “Making a mess of yourself just by looking at me? Can’t be good for morale.” 

“Stop it,” Jay begs, hips twitching violently. “I can’t-” He stutters through another wail, fingers clenched tight around the sides of Sunoo’s chair, going nowhere near his twitching cock despite his own fragmented orgasm, his cheeks pressing against Sunoo’s lap as he whines. 

Sunoo runs a finger across Jay’s hanging tongue, watching him lap at it through sharp gasps of what Sunoo can only assume has to be pleasure. He’s never even told his hyung that he couldn’t touch himself. Sunoo would let him if he did, probably. Would let him if he asked, definitely. 

+

It's Sunoo’s name that Jay whimpers, this time. Sunoo thinks, now and time onward, maybe. Sunoo, Sunoo, Sunoo-

+

“Does it hurt?” Sunoo asks. 

Jay’s hair is sweaty and knotted, now, and Sunoo feels a bit guilty staring at the state of it. “Does what hurt,” He asks. 

His voice is ripped, his face sticky with Sunoo’s cum. He wipes it off with the ends of his shirt, doesn’t glance twice when it returns to his waistline sopping. 

“The hair pulling,” Sunoo pulls Jay up by his wrists. “Not touching yourself while having an orgasm.” Jay blushes like he has a right to. “It just looks kind of painful.” 

“I like it,” Jay’s smile is small when Sunoo squirms. “You feel bad for me, Sunoo-yah?” Jay asks, lower. “Worrying about your hyung’s throat, are you?” 

Sunoo runs his fingers through his own bangs, feels his skin scorch red as he pulls up his sweatpants. “Forget I asked,” He mutters. 

Jay’s giggle is nervous. “Sorry, sorry. It doesn’t. Hurt, I mean.” 

+

He pats his hair down, brings his shirt up again to wipe thoroughly at his face. Sunoo watches him. Jay holds his gaze when he lets the ends of his shirt fall, this time.

“I’m not with him,” He tells Sunoo, firm. 

Sunoo feels like he’s been stabbed.

“But do you want to be?” His voice is shaking. “If he’s the one-”

Jay sighs. "Sunghoon was tired." His bottom lip is bleeding. “I didn’t know there was hope for you and I at all. There’s nothing there between us.”

“Alright,” Sunoo releases a breath. “Sorry.” He mumbles, to the ground. 

“What for,” Jay asks, tone patient. "Why are you sorry, Sunoo."

Sunoo stares, repents. “Ignoring you guys,” He lists. “Getting jealous. Lying.”

Jay hums. Sunoo lowers his voice when he rounds the final ones. 

“Cumming on your face,” He stares at Jay’s damp shirt. “Pulling your hair.” 

His hyung’s gasp breaks through his lips quickly, surprised and short. Sunoo feels his stomach coil when Jay wraps a hand around Sunoo’s elbow, drags him closer. 

“That one’s okay,” Sunoo asks, amused. 

Jay kisses his chin. Sunoo feels his chest ache with something breaching the cusps of a sensation that feels like comfort. 

“That one’s okay,” Jay agrees, sweet.