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the you that i know

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Blink.

Opening his eyes slowly, Takemichi was slightly blinded from all the white, a part of him wondering if he was in his house- he did just travel back..
His eyes adjusted to the light, he steadied himself and got up, surprised to see everything was just…white.
Looking around, he walked mindlessly, feeling unnerved by the slight sound of bells, they were quiet but still could be heard. Soon he found a mirror, he looked to be in his 26 year old body.
A part of him was scared of where he was, and then the thought of being dead crossed his mind- oh god what-
“Hey.”

Takemichi turned to the source of the sound, surprised to see…himself? Or well his younger self. “You’re…” Takemichi’s head couldn’t form a coherent sentence. “Yeah I’m you, or well- you’re me, doesn’t really matter though, same thing.” Younger Takemichi shrugged his shoulders. Right now younger Takemichi was sitting down on the floor, a table in front of him as he solved a puzzle, but as Takemichi looked closer, there was no real picture…it was just blurry splashes of color.
“Um…so…” Takemichi was a bit nervous, well who wouldn’t be considering the fact that he was currently meeting his past self…who was now in the present? future? Wait- how much did-
“I can see you thinking, and since you’re me, I have a feeling you’re wondering how much I know.” He flinched a bit at how spot on how younger him was but- they were the same person, so it wasn’t that creepy. “Do you know?” It had always crossed his mind- the question of his younger self knowing this was happening or not, all the time leaping and saving people- or…or was younger Takemichi just constantly in the dark?

“Right now I know, since this is our headspace.” The look on him was sour, Takemichi could only laugh awkwardly, confused as to why younger him sounded so irritated at the notion of them sharing a headspace. He knew his younger self was a bit of an asshole.“Er so- why am I here?” He sat down next to him, deciding to join him at completing the puzzle.
His younger self shrugged, though it didn’t even look like he even cared. “Okay…” Takemichi felt a bit nervous now, it wasn’t like his younger self to be so…quiet. “What do you know…” Young Takemichi muttered, though Takemichi was able to catch it.
He coughed a bit, ignoring he heard that- could his younger self hear his thoughts or something? Weird…but that wouldn’t explain why they both were here, or how Takemichi could leave.
“How do I wake up? Is this like a dream?” Takemichi questioned him, but young Takemichi didn’t even look up, completely ignoring him.

Takemichi huffed, his friends out there needed him to help them- and- and every second counted, he shouldn’t be here, he should be out there.
“Must be nice.” Young Takemichi spoke suddenly, Takemichi looked over to him in confusion. “Dude what’s your deal? If you know what’s happening then you should know I don’t have time-“ “Right! Because my life doesn’t matter right?”
Takemichi got quiet, now even more confused as he was before. What was his younger self talking about? “Don’t play fucking stupid! You- you!” The puzzle pieces began to glitch, young Takemichi stood up, now towering over Takemichi. “You think you can invade my body anytime you can! Well- I know it’s our body but still!” He stuttered from how angry he was.
Takemichi felt anger rise- just how selfish was his younger self? He was trying to save people! And this little shit- his younger self- was being so-
“Selfish? Self-centered? I know what you’re thinking because it’s me that’s in charge of this place, it’s me who’s been here in this fucking shit hole headpace!” The place seemed to shake, flickering as Takemichi could feel the pressure seem to drop.

“What are you even talking about-“
“You didn’t stop to think not even once where our previous consciousness goes whenever you go back in time? Well let me tell you! It’s here, in this fucking bare-bone of a place! And you know what else is fucking funny? I have to see your mistakes! The people I know die!” Younger Takemichi seemed to tear up, but refused to let any tears be shed. The only thing heard was his young self’s breath hitching and heaving, like he was trying to stop himself from having a panic attack.
“I’m…I’m sorry-“ Takemichi stumbled, trying to go closer to him. “YOU AREN’T! YOU AREN’T FUCKUNG SORRY! YOU’D USE ME AND TAKE OVER MY BODY AND MAKE ME SEE THIS- THIS SHIT! I SAW AKKUN JUMP! I SAW- I SAW HINA GET EXPLODED TO PIECES! YOU’D DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN!” His younger self now could not hold back the tears, he was crying and sobbing hysterically; the place was shaking and glitching.
What Takemichi was seeing was just- him. Himself being so…defeated.
“Oh fuck off.” The other sniffled, wiping away his snot. “I can’t stand you- god you’re so fucking selfish. Why can’t you just let me live?”

Takemichi held in a sigh, rolling his shoulders as he shook his head. “I would like to- but…but people need me.” “Us. They need us.” Young Takemichi said, his tone was like poison. He scoffed. “They keep comparing me to you y’know- they’re always saying how you’re so mature! How so comforting you are! You know what I think? What a load of fucking bullshit!”
“Since you can’t fucking admit it, let me do it for you.” His young self got closer to him, his eyes red from all the crying but he seemed to be at least a bit more calm. “Do you honestly think anyone cares about us? Why are you trying so hard to save people who don’t give a damn about how we are doing!”
Takemichi frowned, not letting his younger self’s words get to him, this was younger him so of course he would have more of the juvenile type thinking- right now what he was seeing was a kid who was afraid to get hurt, scared to get close to others.
Young Takemichi stilled, Takemichi probably hit a nerve somewhere, they were the same person, he knew how bad his thought process used to be.
He was so scared- so terrified of letting people in, so unaware of the people who cared about him because all he could do was run away.

“Fucking- you fucking asshole! Fuck you! I hate you!” That seemed to trigger him, and it soon caused the place to turn back, the only thing illuminating them was the light red source.
“Look I really don’t want to argue with myself, I’m…I really am so sorry you have to go through this- but! I swear once everything is fixed it’ll be okay! You won’t have to worry about-“ “I won’t have to worry about it? What do you think will happen to me? You’re the person I’m meant to become! So once- once you do this shit right I won’t even exist!” Takemichi shook his head, this whole conversation hurt his head. “But- we’re the same person…you’ll still-!” “Really? Because we couldn’t be any more different. You may be me, I may be you, but you still forget that I don’t know you! We are different consciousnesses! So…in a way we…we aren’t the same.”
Things quieted down, there was a tense silence. “Once- once I get out of here- aka when you go back into the future, this me stops existing…all the memories I relived here block themselves once I go back into my body.” Young Takemichi explained, still though- Takemichi wasn’t following along. “Fucking christ. You go back future, the me here loses memories of this place and me goes back into body, you come back into past, I go back here and remember everything. It’s like a loop.” He explained slowly and simply. “But why can’t you remember anything when you go back into the body?” Takemichi asked as the other rolled his eyes. “Hell if I know, probably to stop me from spilling the beans.” The other calmed down once more, but the room was now dimly lit, not as light as it was before.

“I-“ “Just! Just shut it okay?! I know what you’re thinking, I’m being childish! That it’s stupid to be so scared of this but- but I’m so scared of disappearing. I’m so scared of the people around me- the things I can’t remember, the- the times I’ve felt like something was wrong with me because- how is it possible to forget so many memories! The things I’ve done- the places I’ve gone, the…the people I’ve met.”
Takemichi never really stopped to think about that…it must’ve been terrifying to be put in a whole lot of situations with people who knew you but- but you didn’t know them. The more he thought about it, the more it all became so….sad.
This Takemichi was just- just a kid, a kid like everyone else was right now.

He frowned. “I…I need to leave.” Takemichi said suddenly, the other glaring at him. “What? Can’t deal with how you screwed everything up for me?” Don’t think about it, Takemichi thought to himself. He’d solve this later. “Yeah! Later, when I’m getting even more fucking traumatized by seeing my friends dead bodies! You know- I thought- I thought you would care- but it looks like future me has as much sense as a fucking dog.” Young Takemichi coldly looked at him. “How does it feel following orders from other people? Save this person, save that person, just like a little loyal puppy aren’t you?” He laughed dryly. “Fine. Go to your little masters.” Takemichi saw younger Takemichi approach him, a knife suddenly appearing in his hand.

“Oh don’t worry, you can’t die here unfortunately. This is just to wake you up.” Takemichi could feel the knife stab through him, there was no pain, only the sensation. Young Takemichi pulled the knife back, there was no blood.
“Until next time, Takemichi.”