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Yoo Joonghyuk doesn’t cry.

Not even when his companions die- not even the first time he’s lost his lover. No, instead, he lets his rage out, hunting down his enemies until either of them die.

And then the cycle goes on. Sometimes he wonders if it will ever end. But it doesn’t matter. He’ll keep going until he reaches his goal.

(Crying isn’t allowed- not for him, whose goal is to save the world. Vulnerability is only something that gets in the way of progress, after all. And he can’t risk that happening.)

But when Kim Dokja shows up, progress seems to happen naturally. The scenarios pass so easily, despite Kim Dokja constantly sacrificing himself for them.
It’s like- it’s like he knows everything, and his every action reminds Yoo Joonghyuk that Kim Dokja is a prophet.

Supposed to be, at least. There are times when he doesn’t know things he should know. Some things that don’t go according to plan, some people that don’t act the way they should… some feelings that go unnoticed.

(Maybe he does notice them, but chooses to ignore them. Like he can’t accept he’s important to others, no matter how vocal you are about it. It’s frustrating to watch.)

So when Kim Dokja looks at him with that knowing look, it shakes Yoo Joonghyuk to the core. Of all the feelings he has towards Kim Dokja, loneliness and grief seem like the only ones the latter acknowledges.

Yoo Joonghyuk doesn't complain, though. Because Kim Dokja sees those parts of his, yet never judges him for it. It makes him wonder if it would be okay, too, to let it all out in front of him.

Would Kim Dokja leave if he showed too much vulnerability? Would he laugh? Would he disappear and leave Yoo Joonghyuk alone with his feelings, just like it always was?

It doesn’t matter. And it doesn’t matter now, especially, as his eyes start to prickle while Kim Dokja makes yet another incredibly comforting speech.
‘Don’t give up’, Yoo Joonghyuk hears. ‘There’s still hope.’ And he believes those words. They’re so simple, and yet.
Always the perfect words at the perfect time- he wonders how he held on for so long without shedding a single tear.

He feels them well over, blurring his vision, but he still sees Kim Dokja. He still sees how one second he’s determined, eyes filled with certainty for a future Yoo Joonghyuk longs for oh so much- and then wide open, staring at him. But then his eyes soften, and Yoo Joonghyuk just breaks.

The tears spill out one by one, and he can’t help his lips from trembling, brows furrowing. He doesn’t even try to stop them. How much loss had he bottled up, until now? How many tears had he staved off? And how many was he spilling now?

Yoo Joonghyuk doesn’t bother to count. He just feels so much- so much everything. The loss, the grief, the loneliness, the relief, the validation, the understanding- Kim Dokja gives him a shoulder to cry on, despite Yoo Joonghyuk only ever showing him contempt.

Kim Dokja’s too good for him, but he doesn’t have the heart to push him away. He can’t, not when Kim Dokja’s wrapping his arms around him as his sobs get louder, stronger.

He feels his tears wrack his body and lets it be held tightly by the one who saw it all, and accepted it all, without question. It’s so comforting. It’s so soothing. It’s so warm.

Yoo Joonghyuk buries his face into the crook of Kim Dokja’s neck, hands grasping at the latter’s coat.

 

It’s so warm, in his arms.