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Why Don't You Love Me Anymore?

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The rain keeps falling on her. Her hair is completely wet.

The coat Miranda bought her last year still looks good on her, but does not do a good job at keeping her from getting soaked.

The truth is she forgot her umbrella in her attempt to run as fast and as far away as she could.

But she does not care, not about getting wet nor getting sick. Not one bit.

She does not have the energy to worry about something so unimportant.

She was not supposed to be home so soon. She was supposed to work until late.

But a coworker offered to cover her story, and so she got home early.

Miranda didn't know that though.

When she had got home she had not noticed anything out of the ordinary.

But then, moving around, she had heard a voice. It was Miranda's. She was talking on the phone.

It wouldn't have been weird - Miranda's always on the phone - if it wasn't for the tone of voice she had been using.

It was flirty. Seductive. She knew that tone so well.

She had approached the voice and had stood on the other side of the door, trying to listen.

"...the house is free, I'm here all alone.."

A shiver had ran through her back at the words her lover was saying to someone else. Was she-?

"...I've been thinking about you all day..."

A knot had formed in her throat. Oh god. God no. Please no.

" always make me feel so good..."

Her eyes had started stinging painfully. She could feel her heart cave in itself

"...come and fuck me, please..."

At those words, Andrea had no longer been able to contain the tears.

She had started sobbing, painfully, a hand in front of her mouth, trying to silent her pain.

Was this really happening? Happening to her? To them?

It felt like a nightmare, like someone else's story she was watching from afar.

This couldn't happen to them. Not them. Not after everything.

All the things she and Miranda had gone through, all the obstacles they had overcome just to be together.

All the love she felt for her. All that love. So much love.

Did Miranda even love her? Or was it just a game?

Maybe she had just wanted to have fun.

To see what it felt like to fuck someone much younger.

Maybe she had wanted a trophy girlfriend.

Maybe the papers were right.

And now she had gotten tired of her.

Had she lied all the time? Had she lied about everything, including her intentions?

Had she lied all the times she had told her she loved her?

Miranda had then suddenly appeared in front of her, her expression confused.

Andy had only started sobbing more, seeing her lover's face.

That face she has loved so much, for so long.

So she had ran, and ran, and ran.

Now she feels tired, and she's all wet, and she knows she's probably gonna get sick.

She doesn't care.

All she feels is a burning and aching pain in her stomach.

She feels like throwing up.

She can't stop crying.

She can't stop thinking about what she heard.

Can't stop thinking about Miranda in bed with someone else.

In their bed.

Can't stop thinking about this someone.

Was it a young girl? Was she getting too old for her standards? Was she already getting replaced?

Or was it some middle-aged men, rich and successful? Someone who could give her everything she wanted. Someone so unlike Andy.

She imagines Miranda being fucked by this someone, lost in pleasure because of someone else's touch.

Imagines her cuddling with this someone afterwards.

Telling them they have to go, because her girlfriend's getting home. But that they will see each other soon.

Imagines Miranda taking a shower, reapplying her make up, trying to look like nothing happened. Changing the sheets.

Imagines Miranda greeting her at the door, a smile on her face. Was it fake too?

"I've missed you". Had she lied, everytime she'd said that?

She imagines her asking about her work hours, in the meantime texting this person, telling them when and where to meet next time.

She imagines Miranda lying.

Lying to her.

Pretending to love her.

Pretending to care.

Andy lowers her head and throws up right in the middle of the street.

Then she walks until she's under a balcony, to repair herself from the rain.

She sits down on a stair, uncaring of the wet floor.

She brings her knees against herself. Hides her face in them.

She keeps crying. Crying, crying, crying.


A voice. Her voice.

Andy raises her head, opens her eyes.

Looks straight into Miranda's.

Miranda's eyes who look confused and worried.

Ah. Not even a little bit of guilt though.

What was she doing here?

Miranda lowers herself until she's at Andy's level.

She puts her hand on Andy's knee.

"Andrea, what are you doing here like this? You're going to get sick."

Andy looks at Miranda, anger burning inside.

"Get the fuck away from me." She growls, then grabs Miranda's hand, shoving it away.

Miranda looks even more confused.

"Andrea, I don't understand. I saw you at home, crying, and then you ran away and I was confused and then I- I got in the car and started looking for you and then I saw you right there in the middle of the road, completely soaked, throwing up."

Miranda pauses, puts her hand on Andy's cheek now.

"Please Andrea what's wrong? Did something happen?"

Andy starts chuckling, and moves away from Miranda's hand. Was she playing dumb?

"Cut it, Miranda. No need to pretend, not anymore. I heard everything."

Miranda frowns. "Heard what exactly?"

Andy feels the anger inside burning. The pain hidden somewhere underneath it.

"Oh, you know, just you telling your lover the house was free and you wanted them to come and fuck you. Tell me, have you been doing that for long? Everytime I get extra time, you pretend to feel sorry and then invite your lover to fuck you in our bed? Then when I get home you lie and tell me you've missed me?"

Her face is flushed red, her breath short from the heated speech.

Tears start running through her cheeks once again.

She lowers her head, and her voice now gets small.

"Do you even love me?"

Her ears are whistling from the mix of shock, anger, pain, and cold.

She feels Miranda trying to grab her chin, but she stays still.

She can't look at her. She can't.

There's too much pain.

Too many things she's unable to ask.

Am I not enough?

Don't I make you happy?

Did you need more?

Don't you love me anymore?

Miranda puts her hands on the side of her face, and forces their eyes to meet.

She seems to hurt just looking at Andy.

But a smile, a sad smile sits in her face.

"Andrea, I was calling you."

Andy rolls her eyes. That's all she has to say?

"I don't care for how long you were looking for me or what you had to do to find me! Dear god have you heard a single word I just-"

But Miranda shakes her head and grabs her face forcefully.

"Andrea. I was calling you."

Hasn't she already said that?

Andy looks at Miranda, and feels like there's something she's not grasping.

But does it really matter? Does it, when she-


Andrea looks up again.

"I was calling you before. When you heard me on the phone. You wouldn't answer, so I left a voicemail."

Andy freezes, suddenly.

Her head starts spinning.

Is Miranda lying? Is she trying to get away with it?

Or could it possibly be that she misunderstood the whole situation? That she assumed the worst too soon? That Miranda had actually-

Andy pats her pockets, both her coat's and her jeans's.

Then she looks around in her purse.

Oh my god.

"I left my phone at the office" she admits quietly.

Could it be? That she was wrong and Miranda still loved her and wanted her? That she had not lost her?

Miranda nods and smiles. "Seems like you did."

Then she grabs her own phone, and shows Andy her calls history.

Andrea - 3.32 pm

Andrea - 3.38 pm

Andrea - 3.45 pm

Then some more recent calls.

Andrea - 3.58 pm

Andrea - 4.01 pm

Andrea - 4.04 pm

Andrea - 4.09 pm

Andrea - 4.13 pm

Andrea, Andrea, Andrea.

Andy feels a heavy weight suddenly lifting from her shoulders.

The knot in her throat, finally melting.

The pain in her stomach, easying down.

She wants to scream of joy, shout in relief.

She wants to hold Miranda and never let her go.

But then she looks into her lover's eyes, so confused and worried and sad.

She made her like this. It's all her fault.

She wants to hold her, to kiss her. But does she even deserve this woman?

She looks down, once again, and starts crying, a mix of relief and new guilt.

"Oh Miranda, I am so sorry, I didn't-"

But she's cut off, because suddenly Miranda is holding her tight.

"Andrea, I was so worried. I couldn't understand. I was home and then you were there crying."

Miranda then puts a hand on her head, holding her even closer.

"And then you ran and I started calling you and you wouldn't pick up."

Miranda's voice is broken now, and Andy keeps crying, and tries to hold her lover as close as she can.

She does not want to lose her. She can't.

"And when I found you here, soaking wet, crying, and throwing up I got so scared, darling. So scared."

Now Andy starts sobbing, once again.

"I am so sorry, Miranda, I swear. I thought- I just thought-"

Andy stops herself, and keeps sobbing.

"That I was cheating."

Andy closes her eyes. She feels like the worst person on earth.

"Miranda, I swear I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have doubted you, I-"

But Miranda caresses her head, lovingly.

"You weren't home, and you knew that I knew you were getting home late, and heard me on the phone saying the home was free and that I wanted company. Of course you assumed. That's what everyone would do, me included. It's ok, darling. I'm not angry."

Andy now sobs, the relief and joy almost overwhelming.

"I'm not angry, baby. It's ok. We're ok."

Andy calms down a little bit, and Miranda breaks the hug.

They stay close, but able to look at each other.

Miranda's smile makes Andy's heart flutter.

This woman in front of her, this person that she loves so much and who's everything for her.

How could she even doubt her.

"Miranda, I'm sorry. So sorry. I really thought - I shouldn't have-"

Miranda puts a hand on her cheek and smiles.

"It's ok darling, don't you worry."

She kisses her forehead, then she looks her straight in the eyes.

"I love you, Andrea. Never forget that. That'll never change."

Andy smiles. "I love you too."

Miranda kisses her, softly.

"You are my life now, Andrea. You have been for years. I love you. I would never cheat on you, I would neve-"

Andy stops her, nodding frantically. "I know, Miranda, you don't have to defend yourself, it was my fault, I shouldn't-"

But Miranda puts a finger on her mouth. "Shush. You are not at fault, nobody is. This was simply a misunderstanding. But let me finish. I would never, ever cheat on you, my darling. I love you so much. I could never do that to you. Could never hurt you that way."

Andy feels like the biggest asshole once again. Of course she had to accuse Miranda, a person who has been cheated on and had even told her how painful it had been, of cheating.

She wanted to beat herself up.

"Miranda, I can't tell you how sorry I-"

Miranda now starts chuckling. "Stop it, Andrea. It's ok. There's nothing to apologize for."

"But I-"

Miranda gives her a deadly glare, mockingly.

"If I hear another sorry coming from your mouth, I will be very angry."

Andy giggles. She feels joy, so much joy.

She holds Miranda, once again, tightly.

She had thought she had lost her. She had thought it was over.

And now she's here, her lover between her arms.

She's so grateful. So so grateful.

Miranda sighs. "It all started because I was feeling needy. I so wanted for you to come home and fuck me all day. I was ready to bribe your boss."

Andrea chuckles. "Sorry I ruined the mood."

Miranda kissed her cheek. "Stop apologising. I love you. I'm just glad you're fine now. Even though I think you'll get sick from all the rain you got."

Miranda breaks the hug, and starts caressing her arms and back to warm her up.

"Is your stomach still bothering you?"

Andy frowns for a second. Then she remembers.

"Oh, that. No, I'm ok. I think it was some shock response. It's just that I was imagining- well- I-"

Miranda gives her a sad smile. "You stop imagining that. There's no one else. I only lie in our bed with you."

Andy's about to apologise once again, but she stops herself.

Instead, she puts her forehand against Miranda's.

"I love you so much."

She says, once again, because it's true.

Even if sometimes those three words don't seem enough to express all she feels.

Miranda smiles.

"I love you too."

Then she caresses her arms once again.

"I think we should get in the car and go home."

Andy nods. "Yeah, I'm getting a bit cold."

Miranda smiles, then gives her a quick kiss.

"Let's go home."