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The Lost Love

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Hillary Clinton, the first lady, was entering the building where she had to inaugurate the newly established office of the organization for the aid, rehabilitation, and counseling of sexually harassed women. She was very happy today because finally, after months of planning and the laborious task of collecting funds, she was here to officially start the foundation. Bill was also supposed to be here but he got caught amidst an emergency situation so she had to come alone. As she stepped closer to the door, the secret service cleared the way through the cheering crowd for the first lady to pass through. She stopped for a moment and waved at the crowd with a wide smile. Today her political smile was replaced with a true and genuine one as her dream was coming true. The idea of an organization that she had thought to establish, even before Bill became the president, was now converting into reality. Soon, she was escorted inside the building and after a speech before the crowd, she had inaugurated the office.

After a small party, when she was about to leave for the white house, a voice stopped her in her tracks.

“How so very telling, Mrs. Clinton that now to cover up your husband’s sins you are establishing a foundation”.

And her heart skipped a beat as she turned and saw that it was no other than Paula Jones, the lady who filed the case of sexual harassment against Mr. President. She forced an artificial smile.

“My husband didn’t do anything and everyone knows it too well”. She glanced at the crowd and the cheering told her that they were on her side.

Secret service rushed forward to get her away but Hilary stopped them.

“Let her finish”. She said with a smirk.

All the media channels were now recording it on their cameras.

“You are a very naive woman Ms. Clinton. Your husband is out there, always harassing the women, having illegitimate sexual affairs with every woman her gets his hands on and very recently you know very well how he survived that impeachment”. She said in a voice filled with disdain and Hillary’s heartbeat was increasing.

Despite defending her husband in front of the world she knew that he was not faithful to her. But this was not the time to think about it. She had to be strong so she pulled up her political facade.

“Ms. Jones, I am very sorry to see that your frustration for losing the case is not gone. But I think you should just stop it now as it is becoming a very out of date method”.

“Ok, what you’ll say about Lewinsky then?” Jones folded her arms on her chest and was watching her now with a mocking grin.

“Your husband had sexual relations with him. This is a fact that you can’t deny”. She was now proudly watching over the crowd that was seemed to be murmuring.

Hillary knew that now dynamics were changing so she tried to wind it up quickly but one sound from the crowd made her blood boil.

“Yes, Jones is right. What are we doing here? Cheering for establishing an organization for sexually harassed women by the wife of a rapist. Shame on us and shame on you Hillary for backing up and supporting your sad excuse of a husband. Shame on you for using such stunts to keep us distracted from the wrongdoings of your husband”.

“SHAME ON YOU”.

Soon the crowd started to chant in chorus and Hillary barely controlled her tears.

She gave a brave smile and said, “nothing of this is a stunt and you’ll know this very soon”.

Then she quickly left escorted by the secret service. As soon as she sat in the car, tears started to roll down her face. It was the first time that she was humiliated this way by a crowd of people and she was feeling so ashamed that she just wanted to die. Her big day was spoiled by no one other than her husband. It was always him who had laid her down.

******************************

Bill just came out of the situation room when it was about 5 PM in the evening. He was feeling very tired so he just decided to call it a day and went to the residence. He sat on the sofa and turned the TV on. The news he saw made him freeze in his place. It was his wife, his beloved Hillary, openly humiliated and insulted by Paula Jones and the crowd of people. He saw how she tried to compose herself but he was her husband. He could see the pain and humiliation in her eyes. His eyes filled with tears and he switched the TV off, not able to see any of that.

Only God knows how long they’ll punish her for my sins. He thought dejectedly.

Then he stood up and walked to the entrance of the residence as he had to receive and then console his wife. As soon as she appeared in the doorway he approached her and engulfed her into a hug. But she didn’t return it. She pushed him back and quickly walked into her room.

It unnerved him a bit so he followed her and entered the room where he saw her sitting on the bed and sobbing. His heart filled with pain. He couldn’t see her in tears so he walked to the bed and sat beside her.

“Hillary, sweetheart”, he held her chin and lifted up but what he was not expecting was her viciously lashing out and slapping his hands away, and standing up.

“Don’t you dare touch me, Bill”? She said in a menacing tone.

“Why are you....” He was cut in the mid-sentence.

“Because Bill you are the reason behind my every pain. My every suffering. And as the last straw, today I was humiliated in public because of you. The crowd that was gathered there to celebrate my victory, was turned against me because of you. So, now please get out. I don’t want to see your face right now. Please leave me alone and go. Go and do what you’re best at doing. Cheating me".

“SO JUST GO”. She shouted and pushed him away from himself.

And Bill was feeling as if someone had stabbed him in the heart. He had seen her angry but today it was different. Today her heart was broken in the worst way possible. He knew he was the reason behind it but he wanted to hold her in his arms, wanted to console her but he wasn’t able to because he was the main reason behind her pain.

So he released a shaky breath and tried to say something but his voice caught in his throat when she turned with her eyes full of contempt and said, “Bill I wish we have never met. I would have never married you”. He was watching her with wide eyes. But the worse was to come yet.

“OH, GOD. I wish you were not in my life. Why don’t you just leave me?” She took a step closer and was now standing with her hands on his chest and was pushing him back towards the door.

“Hill”, he said in a shaking voice.

In that moment, his heart was shredded to pieces as this was the first time when she said him to leave her.

“JUST GO AND NEVER RETURN”. She said in a low and menacing tone.

“I don’t wanna see your face ever again”.

And this was the moment when William Jefferson Clinton died on the inside.

He extended his shaky hands and cupped her face, “you...you really.... want me.... out of your life?’

He asked her in such a painful voice that it made Hillary’s heart tremble for a moment. His eyes were full of tears and she could clearly see the pain in those blue eyes.

But her anger was way out of her control so she said,” YES, I WANT YOU TO LEAVE”.

She said in a voice full of hatred and he instantly dropped his hands.

“Ok, Hill....if...if you want this...I’ll do this.” He stepped back and then said, “remember honey, I love you very much”.

“I was, I am and I’ll always be in love with you. And I promise that you’ll not see my face ever again”. His tone was broken and full of pain. A tear rolled down his face but he wiped it and turned to leave the room.

******************************

His legs were trembling and his eyes were blurred due to tears. He walked slowly to the 3rd floor and entered his music room. He looked around as if he was in search of a particular thing. His eyes fixed on the notepad and a pen set on the table in the corner as he approached it, he dragged the chair and started to write something on the paper. After finishing he folded the paper with trembling hands and placed it in the inner pocket of his coat. Then he saw a fruit basket and a sad smile appeared on his face. This basket was placed here by Hillary to encourage him to eat healthy food. He shook his head and again his eyes filled with tears. He slowly walked to the basket and took the knife in his hand. Suddenly a strange emotion appeared in his eyes and he left the room, clutching the knife in his hand. He walked to the solarium and closed the door.

“You wanted me out of your life Hill, I ‘ll leave. I promise you never to show my face again”. He said in a low, trembling voice and looked at the knife.

Then a gloomy smile appeared on his face, Solarium, a room full of light, the perfect place to die for a dark soul like me.

He took out the envelope from his pocket and placed it on the table. Then he took out a flower from the vase and placed it near the envelope, the last gift to his wife. He walked to the picture wall and grabbed a picture of Hillary, from his inauguration ball, and looked at it with sad eyes. He slowly walked to the rocking chair and sat on it. He clutched the knife strongly in his hand and closed his left fist. The veins popped up in his wrist and he watched. He released a shaky breath and closed his eyes, remembering all the happy moments of his life, Hillary in all of them.

After a minute, he opened his eyes, took a deep breath, and then quickly slashed his left wrist. A splutter of blood immediately started to pour down to the floor. He watched the alarming amount of blood with a sense of calmness, satisfied over the fact that he had cut his major blood vessel.

So the game will be over in a short time. He thought with a tired mind.

Then he looked at Hillary’s picture and his whole life started to play in the form of a film before his eyes. All his misdoings and sins were now going to end. His wife will no longer have to answer for him. She would not have to defend him anymore and he’ll never see her suffering because of him. He thought with satisfaction and felt his heart to be at peace, perhaps first time after many years. His eyes were darkening around the corner and his mind seemed foggy but he was happy, happy for his wife who no longer will be in agony because of him.

******************************

After pushing Bill out, Hillary cried her heart out till her eyes started to hurt. It had been an hour since she had returned. She wiped her eyes with a tissue, tired after this bout of anger and pain. She went to the bathroom and washed her face with the cold water.

When she came out, she slowly sat down on the chair by the window and started to think, with a clear mind this time, free of fog caused by anger. Then she remembered Bill, how hurt he looked, and when she asked him to leave her, the pain in his eyes had broken her heart. This was a fact that people thought that she didn’t leave him because of power but the reality was she didn’t leave him because she was madly in love with him. She sighed and closed her eyes. She recalled the whole incident and realized that she was very harsh with him even though it wasn’t his fault. People were always like that, finding the gaps in others’ armor and then hurting them. She felt very sorry for him.

Suddenly her heart lurched and she immediately sat upright. Her heart was feeling as if someone had clutched it and was squeezing to crush it. Her instincts were going wild. And a sudden thought was striking her mind, again and again, something bad is going to happen.

She tried to ignore the feeling, come on Hillary, you must control yourself. But she stood up from the chair.

“I think it is because I have hurt Bill so I should go and apologize to him”. She said trying to reassure herself and left the room.

She checked every room on the second floor but he was nowhere to be seen.

“It seems he is very angry. Now I’ll have to cook his favorite dish to ask for his forgiveness”, she said with a fond smile.

As she approached the entrance, she asked the agent who told her that he had not seen him going to the Oval office so she left to check again.

Suddenly a thought struck her and she slapped her forehead.

“My God, how I can be that dumb. He’ll be in the music room, surely”. She shook her head with a smile and went up the stairs to his music room but he was not there. Now she started to get worried.

“Where are you, Bill?” She said in a low voice, now sick with anxiety.

The second location to check was Solarium as he was often found at the place, watching over the city lights in the evening.

“BILL,” she called his name, hoping to get an answer.

“BILL, sweathea...”, her words caught in her throat and her breath stopped when she opened the door to the Solarium. The scene before her was the one that had nearly stopped her heart and her eyes were widened with fear.

******************************

Bill felt himself floating freely in the abyss. His mind was now starting to fall into a dark sleep and his eyes were closed for a very long time now. Suddenly he heard a voice, the voice of a woman that seemed very familiar. He slowly opened his eyes, barely overcoming the urge to close them again. He heard his name being called. And his lips slightly twitched, in a sad smile as he suddenly remembered everything.

“Bill”, it was no doubt Hillary’s voice but what she was doing here? His slow mind tried to comprehend the reason but couldn’t. And then he heard his name again, this time very close and then the door opened and he could barely make out his wife’s shocked face and his sight was getting darker again.

******************************

Hillary couldn’t believe her eyes for what she was watching. Bill was slumped in the rocking chair and a large puddle of blood was formed by the blood dripping from his left wrist that was hanging down the chair and his eyes were closed. She saw with horror as the blood was now starting to reach his shoes.

“BILL” she shouted, coming out of her initial shock, and ran to his prone form.

“BILL”, she shook his shoulders.

She couldn’t see clearly due to the tears blurring her vision.

“Bill, please open your eyes”.

She touched his face and a shiver ran down her spine as it was very cold and covered in sweat. She saw his eyes fluttering for a moment before he slightly opened them.

“Hi...H’ll”, he barely said in a whisper.

“What did you do Bill?” She grabbed his face in her hands.

“H’ll you...yu wan’ted me out’ of yo’ur life’ so this wa’s on’ly thin’g I cou’ld do”.

He had barely completed the sentence when his eyes started to close.

“NO, NO. BILL KEEP YOUR EYES ON ME. DON’T LEAVE ME BILL. PLEASE OPEN YOUR EYES”.

She cried out in a painful voice when his hand holding her photo went limp and the frame fell to the ground. Bill couldn’t hear anything as he was fully unconscious now. Hillary immediately checked for the pulse and found a very weak one. She quickly pushed the panic button and within minutes they were transporting him to the GW Hospital.

******************************

It had been two hours since they brought him here but still, they were not able to complete his surgery. According to the initial diagnosis, he had slashed his major blood vessels and he had lost nearly 60% of his blood because Hillary got late reaching him. She was sitting on the sofa, still shocked, with silent tears rolling down her face when she saw a doctor coming.

“Mam”, he nodded solemnly, “I am sorry to tell you that due to extensive blood loss, Mr. president has slipped into a coma and we can’t say if he’ll wake up or not”. And Hilary felt her breath stop.

She stepped back, shaking her head in shock.

“No, no this cannot happen”. She held her head in her hands and slid down to the floor.

Tears were rolling down her cheeks and she was shaking.

“It’s all because of me”. She thought miserably.

Every memory she had with Bill was playing in front of her eyes. He was her everything and now she was about to lose him because of her own mistake. She hid her face in her hands and broke into sobs when Al Gore tried to console her.

“Don’t tell me that it is not my fault because it is my fault that he is hanging between life and death. He always used to say that I’ll be the death of him and see, I just proved him right”. She mercilessly blamed herself and again hid her head in her knees.

******************************

It had been fifteen days since Bill was in a coma. No one outside the white house knew about his suicide attempt. Everyone was told that he had ruptured the coronary artery that had landed him in a coma and the whole nation was devastated to hear this. In these fifteen days, there hadn’t been a moment that Hillary had spent away from Bill. She was seen at his side constantly. Chelsea was visiting them twice a day and everyone was praying for Bill’s speedy recovery.

Secret service had brought her the note he left her before attempting suicide. There was also a red rose along with the envelope. Her eyes once again filled with tears but she wiped them and opened the envelope with shaking hands. She took the note out and started to read.

My dearest Hill,

By the time you’ll find this note, I’ll be gone forever. But please don’t blame yourself for any of this. I know I have been the worst partner anyone can ever have and I don’t blame you for wanting to leave me. In fact, if I was brave enough, I would have let you go. But I am a very cowardly man who can’t let his most precious thing go. Hill, my love, you were always a best friend to me. My confidant, my support and anchor, and my only valuable relations in the world along with Chelsea. I know that you have always been criticized for my wrongdoings. People have punished you for my sins and whenever it happens, it breaks my heart. So, today, after you asked me to leave, I am actually leaving you. But I am not brave enough to live without you so the only option available for me is to leave this world. I hope you’ll forgive me. Please take care of Chelsea and bring her up just like yourself, a brave, confident, and brilliant lady. I love both of you very much, especially you Hill. Please remember that a sad excuse of a husband of yours will always love you.

With love,

Your Bill.

When she finished the letter, a stream of tears was rolling down her cheeks and she was sobbing uncontrollably. She started shaking with grief when she realized that it could actually be the last letter of her husband. She saw him laying on the bed, white as sheets, hollow cheeks, and dark circles around his eyes, surrounded by all sorts of machines. She slowly stood up and reached him. She wiped her eyes and placed a kiss on his cheek.

“Please don’t leave me honey. Not now. Please give me a chance to ask for your forgiveness”. She whispered into his ear and sat on the chair, trying to console her grieving heart.

******************************

It was the sixteenth night when Hillary woke up to the sound of an increased heartbeat coming from the heart monitor. She lifted her head from Bill’s side and looked up to see him wide awake and smiling at her. She rubbed her eyes to make sure that she wasn’t dreaming and when she was sure, she immediately engulfed him in a hug.

“Bill, don’t you dare do that again or I’ll kill you myself”.

“But it was what you wanted. I thought that it is the only thing that I can give you so I decided that”.

As soon as he completed his sentence, a slap was printed across his cheek.

“How dare you think that I actually wanted this”.

Bill was watching her with eyes full of shock and his hand on his cheek.

“Hill, but you...” He was immediately interrupted by Hillary.

“I am sorry honey. I really am. I wrongly accused you of everything even though it was not your fault. I am very sorry”. Tears started to troll down her face and she hid it in her hands.

“Hey, sweetheart”, Bill said in a soft voice removing the hands from her face.

“I am sorry too. I shouldn’t have taken this drastic step but when you said you wanted me out of your life, I couldn’t think of anything else.”

He wiped her tears with his thumbs and slowly dipped his head and placed a full kiss on her lips. She immediately encircled her arms around his neck and soon their kiss turned to a passionate one.

When they broke apart, he placed his head against her and took a deep breath. A tear rolled down Hillary’s face and she kissed him again.

“I am very lucky to have you Bill. Never think about any of this again. I’ll die if something happens to you”. Bill nodded and engulfed her in a hug and smiled with content, a shine in his eyes telling that he had found his lost love again.