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It’s not the same anymore

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The team had finished with their input on a case for the day and decided it would be the ideal day to go to a proper restaurant to talk while they eat and unwind. For derek he had decided that now Garcia knows his secret that he needs to tell the rest of the team. It’s not exactly that he doesn’t trust her, he does. It just stops the risk of her slipping up. However he was unsure when to bring it up.

 

“Anything not case related anyone wants to talk about?” Rossi speaks up. Well if that wasn’t a chance he doesn’t know what is.

 

“Yeah, I erm. I have something I wanna talk about. Or I guess tell you cos there’s not really much to say on the matter.” He struggles again to hide the nervousness in his voice and he can see everyone picking up on it.

 

“You alright Morgan?” Asks Emily. 

 

He nods mutely then sighs and knows he’s just gonna have to be blunt.

 

“I’m- im gay, erm I know I probably didn’t have to come out but like it saves the awkward questions in the future and it took me a while to come to terms with and now I have I wanted you guys to know. So yeah, that’s all erm.”  Morgan finished up and looked down at his food embarrassed, he doesn’t like to ramble. 

 

He feels a hand on his shoulder and it’s Rossi.

 

“Proud of you Morgan, I know that wouldn’t have been easy.” He nods in thanks and dares to look up at the rest of the team who are all smiling at him in reassurance. 

 

“We still love you all the same Morgan.” JJ says, her motherly tone evident. Henry was so lucky.

 

“Yeah, you’ll be able to quit your role as womaniser now. Gotta applaud you for it though. None of us saw through it.” Emily says with a smile. If it was anyone else he’d get defensive of the reasons he had to hide but not them.

 

Hotch nods to him in reassurance and spencer smiles at him quickly but returns to his food.

 

———

 

It had been a few weeks since Morgan came out to the team. Everyone had reacted great, they knew of it and that was that. Well except Garcia’s occasional teasing. However he can’t help feel that Reid isn’t responding quite as well as the others. It’s not much, just the occasional gaze he catches locked onto him. He also seemed sad or annoyed whenever Morgan spoke to him. Like he was waiting for more. He wouldn’t have expected it but if spencer was homophobic he could deal with it but he needed to know if he was gonna deal with it. Luckily as he walked into the break room he saw it was just the two of them.

 

“Reid” he looks up as Morgan says his name and stops pouring the sugar into his coffee for a second. 

 

“What’s going on with you? Is it the whole gay thing? Cos you’ve been acting weird since then.”

 

“What no?!” Reid exclaimed, looking genuinely offended that Morgan had even thought that.

 

“Then what is it? If I’ve done something or something’s wrong then tell me, now’s your chance.”

 

Spencer stood for a second, contemplating. Looking as if he was fighting himself to tell Morgan or not.

 

“You’ve changed too.”

 

“What?” Spencer sighed again.

 

“Ever since you came out you’ve changed towards me. You only ever call me Reid. The occasional spence.”

 

“Okay? You gotta give me more.”

 

“You used to call me another name. You don’t now. C’mon Morgan don’t make me say it.” He looked away sheepishly, praying that Morgan clicked.

 

Luckily he did, as soon as he said that he knew. Since coming out Morgan had made a concious effort not to call Spencer ‘pretty boy’ at the end of calls and conversations. He didn’t want him to think he was hitting on him. Don’t get him wrong there was definitely some feelings  there that were a little more than friendship but he stuffed them down as far as he could. But he didn’t want him to be made to feel uncomfortable. 

 

“I didn’t want you to think I was hitting on you or anything, now that you know.” 

 

“What cos it would be so bad for Derek Morgan to be caught hitting on the nerd?” Spencer sounds slightly angry and Morgan knows he needs to shut him down quick.

 

“No! No, that’s not at all how I mean it.” 

 

“Then how?”

 

“Well it might have made you uncomfortable, a friend calling you nicknames is fine but people get weird about it when a gay guy does it.”

 

“Well I won’t get weird about it, I-I liked you calling me it. Felt good.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah, bet you’re the one who’s uncomfortable now huh?” 

 

“No im not uncomfortable. I never thought it bothered you but I thought you were just indifferent. Didn’t think you’d actually like it.”

 

“Well I do, so can we go back to the usual?”

 

“Of course we can pretty boy, I’ll see you in the bullpen.” He said as he makes his exit, now that’s sorted out he I longer has to worry.

 

Spencer stood for a little, he gave away more than he was wanting but Morgan didn’t seem to read into what he had said so that’s fine, yeah it’s fine. Morgan knowing about his crush would be bad, so bad - unless? No it would be bad. He sighed as he poured out his now cold coffee and made do of making a new one.