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Chasing After You

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You come over when your wine's all gone
Always catch me when I'm not that strong
Then you wind up staying all night long
Ain't nothin' new

 

Without fail, Alex had always shown up late at night with the smell of alcohol on her breath. Olivia knew better, knew that she should tell her to leave, knew exactly how it was going to end, but she couldn't. Alex had been back for a few weeks, and they had spent almost every night together since her return.

 

Olivia pulled Alex into her body, her fingertips digging gently into her hips, and her lips crashed against the blondes. Alex ran her fingers through Olivia's hair, her hand resting at the base of Olivia's neck and pulled her closer. "Hi." Alex whispered gently against the brunette's lips. Olivia smiled and gently bit Alex's lower lip and pulled her into the bedroom, where no words were needed.

 

Then I wake up with you on my chest
You got a way of making me forget
Girl, with you the answer's always yes

 

Olivia could never tell Alex no, no matter the situation. It had been like that since the moment they had met. The moment they had met, Olivia knew that her life was never going to be the same. Sure, she couldn't have ever pictured Alex leaving time and time again, and Olivia letting her back into her life time and time again with, mostly, no questions. Alex was her home, her go to, her best friend. She knew that she couldn't live without her in her life, and when Alex wasn't there, it was hell.


Every time you call

But I know, yeah I know it's a matter of time
'Til you walk, 'til you walk back out of my life
Leave me standing here lonely, feeling like a fool, mm, mm

 

"Please don't go." Olivia whispered, her head laying on Alex's bare chest. Alex leaned down and kissed her head, holding Olivia's body against hers. "You know I can't stay."


Every time, every time you say we're done
You come back to the love you were running from
Don't know why, don't know why I let you, but I do
Guess I love chasing after you, mm, mm, yeah

 

Olivia always waited, always found a way to go out of her way to make Alex happy in every possible way. Sometimes she thought that she was the problem, that she was never enough, but she knew that deep down, it was Alex who had the issues and Olivia didn't want to believe it.

 

Listen
Wish I could quit you, but it feels too good
If I could turn it off, you know I would
But somethin' 'bout you makes me think we could
Make it after all

 

"Sometimes this... us... I don't know what we're doing anymore." Olivia sighed. She hated to think about the possibility of ending everything completely, but she was scared that if she did that, Alex would walk out of her life for good. 

 

"We have demanding jobs, Olivia, I want to be with you all the time, but we knew what we were getting into when we decided to do this again." Alex looked at her, placing her hand on Olivia's cheek. Her thumb gently rubbed against her face and she offered a soft smile to Olivia. Olivia placed her hand over Alex's and closed her eyes, emotions quickly coming over her.

 

"I miss you all the time, and I worry about you all the time, and doing this over and over... It's a lot, Alex." Olivia wiped the corner of her eyes, trying to catch the tears before they fell.

 

But I know, yeah I know it's a matter of time
'Til you walk, 'til you walk back out of my life
Leave me standing here lonely, feeling like a fool

 

Olivia wanted to believe Alex when she said that she would try harder, try to be more present, but she knew that Alex was just saying that to make her happy. Olivia knew that at the end of the day, she was the one who waited. She was the one who never left. She was the one who continued to let Alex walk out of her life, and enter back at any time that she wanted. Olivia couldn't lose what she had with Alex, but she couldn't continue putting herself through the emotional rollercoaster that their relationship was.


Every time, every time you say we're done
You come back to the love you were running from
Don't know why, don't know why I let you, but I do
Guess I love chasing after you

 

Alex knew that she was running, she was running from the realness that she had with Olivia, she was running from the commitment. Sometimes she didn't know why she was running, she knew that she had everything she had ever wanted in life. Alex was grateful for Olivia, she kept her grounded, made her feel loved. Alex knew that she couldn't keep running, but she had been going on for years and she was afraid that if she finally gave into her feelings, into what she really wanted, and settled down, that she would fuck it up. So, she ran.

 

You come over when your wine's all gone
Always catch me when I'm not that strong
Then you wind up staying all night long
Ain't nothin' new

 

"I love you so much, Olivia, you know that, right?" Alex asked, pulling Olivia into her arms.

 

Olivia closed her eyes, resting her head against Alex's shoulder, her arms around the taller woman's body. "I know you love me, Alex, but I don't know what you're so afraid of."

 

Alex sighed. She buried her face into Olivia's hair and kissed her head. "I'm sorry, Olivia." Is all she could offer, pulling away from her embrace. 

 

But I know, yeah I know it's a matter of time
'Til you walk, 'til you walk back out of my life
Leave me standing here lonely, feeling like a fool
Yeah, every time, every time you say we're done
You come back to the love you were running from

 

They ended it again, telling each other how sorry they were, telling each other how much they loved one another. Olivia always wanted more, she wanted to marry Alex, she had always wanted to marry Alex, and the thought of marriage scared Alex. Olivia never understood why, she knew that Alex grew up with parents who had a strong marriage, and she knew that Alex eventually wanted to get married.


Don't know why, don't know why I let you, but I do
Guess I love chasing after you

 

Alex had returned three months later, and they fell into the same routine but it was different, and just maybe, this was Alex trying. 

 

I love chasing after you