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What If?

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In between them the silence has settled. It has been stretching, taking over everything that they used to be, for years now. And maybe that’s good. Maybe it makes the nights spent alone hurt less? Maybe it makes the nights out with friends a bit more bearable. Maybe Kara doesn’t end up excusing herself for the bathroom when Alex tells her. Tells her that Lena has moved on. That she seems to be happier than ever, striving even.

No, the silence is good. And if Kara is being honest with herself, well deserved. She had lied to Lena, had broken her heart and had done nothing to stop it. No, she deserves this. Deserves to see the invitation to a white wedding come in for each of her friends. She deserves this loneliness.

It’s silly, but from time to time she still flies by L-Corp, spies through the blinds catch a glimpse of Lena. It’s definitely not a healthy coping mechanism, but who would dare to blame her? Lena had always been her guilty pleasure, the one friend that she tried to keep for herself, that she tried to keep the most prevalent secret of her life from.

It was stupid, but who could act rational when a woman who could dare to call herself goddess is smiling in their direction. Yeah, Kara mourns her friendship with Lena. She mourns the many opportunities that she wasted on not telling the other woman her true feelings. She enjoys to remember their lunches together, the movie nights. Those were the times that she felt the most normal, when Kara Danvers and Supergirl fused together, leaving only Kara Zor-El in their midst, laughing at another sience pun coming from Lena.

So she mourns, but she doesn’t regret. She won’t allow herself to regret their time together, however badly it ended, and however those events still affect her. She can’t hate Lena, not when her reason to hate Kara is understandable. Not when Kara knew what she had been doing the entire time.

Kara stays home on the day of the wedding. She turns on the tv and watches some comedy show that she has seen a thousand times before. She makes herself dinner and won’t let herself reach out to Lena’s heart. She won’t spy on the young Luthor’s heart, won’t ask for it to stop a beat when the priest asks for her hand to be tied to her future spouse. Kara respects Lena too much.

But maybe, just maybe, she listens to the steady beat before she goes to bed. Just to remind herself of what it used to sound like. When she falls asleep there are silent tears that leave stains on the pillow case.

If Supergirl starts to do more work around the city no one comments. The citizens are just happy to be protected, and the Superfriends are glad that Kara seems to be alright. Even if she most definitely isn’t. She barely sleep anymore, rather spending her nights flying around town to find something to do. Anything to keep her mind from wandering to the obvious. Anything to keep her from becoming restless.

If Kara sees Lena at a gala, her arms tied together with her spouses, the blonde won’t let anyone notice. After all she’s Kara Danvers, Catco’s editor in chief and a two time Pulitzer winner.
She keeps a smile plastered to her face and refuses to let herself be caught staring.
If she goes home to cry, then no one will now.

Time keeps going, won’t let itself be stopped and in between restless nights and busy days, Kara finds herself growing tired. It isn’t long before she finds a grey hair within golden locks. And not soon after there are news about a new Luthor. A child, that seems all too happy to sleep in Lena’s arms. Kara had always known that Lena would be a good mother, she only wished that she would have been the one to be next to Lena through all of it.

Another five years, and Kara is an aunt to three beautiful kids. She spends her time still mostly being Supergirl, but she also keeps on spoiling those three. They are sweet and it makes Kara’s heart ache a bit less.

It’s a Tuesday when Kara loses the fight against some huge alien that tried to take over the city. It’s Wednesday when the blondes powers give out. She decides to go to the park. It’s the first time in so long that Kara hasn’t had to bare the responsibility of human lives and she just wants to enjoy it.

In the park there are kids running around. Kara gets herself ice cream. It’s sunny outside and there are birds singing their gleeful song. So how come there are two guys rushing through the park, trying to get to a kid that’s just sitting on a park bench, trying to feed some of the pigeons.

Kara squints, there is no one next to the kid, the parents were probably off getting ice cream. And the three dudes keep on creeping closer. Kara leaves her ice cream, rushes forward, just in time to see one of them pull out a gun.

Her eyes widen. She starts running and just in time she reaches the kid, dragging the light body off the bench, towering with her back to the two guys. A shot rings through the air and Kara feels the bullets collide with her torso. It hurts. But Kara keeps the kid tight to her body, won’t let it leave till she hears sirens pull up and the two guys being arrested. She won’t leave the kid till the parents are called. She lets go when a worried woman turns up, hair a mess and scared look on her face.
Kara smiles on last time when the woman looks at her, saying only one word: “Kara?”

Kara Danvers dies on a Wednesday, saving the youngest Luthor. Supergirl dies on a Thursday, when J’onn pretends to be her, fighting a simulation while the superfriends are still in tears and Lena holds her child tightly, whispering ‘I love you’s’.

And Kara Zor-El?
There hadn’t been anything left of her for a long time.
Not since Lena had left her.

If there is an angel watching above the youngest Luthor and his mother, than this angel would do anything to make sure those two are save.

If there is an angel, then this angel keeps on staying by their side.

If there is an angel, then she’s the first thing that Lena sees after she dies.

If there is an angel, than her name is Kara Zor-El.