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Intimate Honesty

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Chakotay heard the commotion from the front door immediately and it brought a smile to his face. He set down the wine he had been sipping, his book falling to his lap.

Muttered curses and bangs. Boots being yanked off and tossed to the side. A bag being set heavily on the ground.

Clearly not an ideal day in the life of a newly minted Admiral.

Kathryn swept into the room in a gorgeous, stormy rush, one hand unpinning her hair and the other struggling to unzip her jacket. He ducked as it whizzed past his head, a hand reaching to steady the wine glass on the side table.

“Tough day?” he asked, going for levity in hopes of raising her spirits a little.

Adjusting to a career amongst the Starfleet brass had its trying moments for her, he knew that. For not the first time, he sent up a silent thanks that he had been offered his position at the Academy.

Kathryn groaned, sinking down onto the sofa beside him as her head fell back. “That doesn’t even begin to cover it. I despise admirals.”

Chakotay leaned over, reaching out a hand to brush over her knee in sympathy. “Well I’m personally pretty partial to one myself, but she’s definitely an outlier,” he teased.

Kathryn opened one eye slightly, squinting at him as a wry smile touched her lips. It warmed him to see the hint of humor despite the tension still radiating from her small frame. She looked pale, worn, her hair now loose and slightly tangled around her shoulders. He could see the lines around the corners of her eyes, the furrow of her brow that always appeared when something weighed heavily on her thoughts.

She was still stunning.

They’d been home for six months, but only living together for one. Despite the fact that he thought he knew everything about this woman, there was still so much he was learning. The little nuances to her moods and her likes and dislikes. It was always a thrill, discovering such intimate knowledge that he had been denied for so long.

He knew now that she hummed most mornings as she performed her daily routine in the bathroom. That she checked her uniform and hair twice in the mirror before heading out the door. That when she slept she always kept one hand resting on his body. All the precious pieces of her life that came from living together, treasured like shells picked up on the ocean shore.

And the sex. God. That was something on a level he had never experienced before. Both of them had certainly had their share of experiences, of partners. But what existed between them was deeper, more real, more all-encompassing than anything he had ever felt. He wanted her all the time, no matter how tired he was, how long it had been since he had last laid with her. She absolutely wrecked him every time.

Just last night he had woken up in the darkness, her mouth wandering his jaw, her breasts pressed against his chest. When she rolled him to his back and mounted him, he had nearly come undone immediately. She drove him crazy and centered him at once.

The memory of their intimacy brought a rush of heat to his groin, and the hand on her knee drifted upward slightly, caressing into her inner thigh. He felt a stirring in his pants as he remembered the husky sounds she made when he put his mouth between her legs, the way her thighs wrapped around his shoulders in the softness of their bed. He wanted to take her there now, to make love to her until the worry faded from her face.

Kathryn huffed, her eyes closing again, “As much as I appreciate the offer, I don’t think I have the energy tonight, Chakotay.”

His heart squeezed at how tough her day must really have been. She so rarely said no. Kathryn was generally an insatiable lover, passionate and enthusiastic. Of course, he had no problem spending the evening with her cuddled into his side on the couch. He just loved being with her. So he nodded and pressed a kiss to her temple before moving to stand.

“No worries at all. Why don’t I warm up some dinner and you can try to relax? “

***********

An hour later, they had settled into a contented silence. Kathryn was stretched out on the sofa, her feet tucked in Chakotay’s lap as he worked his thumbs firmly into her arches. She groaned in pleasure, rolling her head to loosen the tightness in her shoulders.

“God, you’re good at that,” she sighed, feeling the stress of the day seep from her muscles. The man did have magic hands.

Chakotay ducked his head and smiled at her, giving her foot a firm squeeze, “You’ve had a tough day, I enjoy helping you relax. The worst thing I dealt with was two cadets trying to cheat on a quiz.”

Kathryn angled her head against the cushions to watch him. The bare muscles of his forearms flexed as he worked her soles, his dark eyes resting on the book he had propped beside him. The grey was beginning to creep back into his hairline since being home, and she had begged him to let it go. They were older now, softer, a little more weary, but she wouldn’t trade it for anything.

He had no idea how utterly appealing he was.

Despite her exhaustion, she felt a warmth begin to spread through her stomach as she took in the broad expanse of his chest beneath the simple white t-shirt, the width of his thighs through his black pants.

He was sinfully sexy. She had no idea how she had resisted him for so long.

Damn those admirals.

First they gave her a splitting headache for half the day; now they were interfering with her sex life.

Idly, she moved one of her feet to wander his inner thigh with her toes, grinning as his chest rose and fell with a rapid breath. The way Chakotay reacted to her was one of her favorite things. It never ceased to make her feel incredibly sensual.

Inching down the couch toward him, Kathryn wiggled her toes up toward the expanding bulge of his crotch. He captured her wandering foot in his palm, tickling her until she laughed and squirmed.

“I thought you were tired?” Chakotay said playfully, turning his body toward her as he abandoned his reading. A heat flared behind the teasing glint in his eyes, making her pulse flutter.

Kathryn reached out, tracing her fingers over his bare forearm, the dusting of dark hair soft under her fingertips. “I am. But you can’t sit there looking like that and expect me to do nothing.”

She shot him a flirty smile, playfully trying to free her foot from his grasp, until a twinge in her neck reminded her of the reason behind her initial reluctance.

She groaned, “God, I wish I had the energy for this tonight.”

He chuckled, taking her hand in his and giving it a gentle tug. “Mmmm….you can just relax. Let me enjoy you a little. No thinking required.” His eyes drifted from her face down to her chest, where her breasts pressed the fabric of her undershirt.

“Orgasms require far too much concentration for that. It's a lot of work,” she smiled at him, flexing her toes in his lap.

“What?”

Kathryn waved a hand at him in mock exasperation, laughing slightly. “Because men spend most of the time during sex hoping they don’t come too soon, and women spend most of the time focusing on getting our body to have an orgasm.”

The smile faded from her face when saw his expression had turned serious. Oh hell. She hadn’t meant to make him feel guilty. A rush of embarrassment raced through her. Instinctively, she pulled her feet from his lap, tucking them up under her body and curling slightly away from him.

This side of their relationship was still so new. Even knowing each other as well as they did, there were things to learn and discover. She wasn’t shy about sex, never had been, but there were certainly some things that were harder to say. Still, she reasoned, if she loved this man enough to share her life and her body, she should be able to talk to him honestly.

Chakotay slid over to sit beside her, his thigh pressing hers, his eyes searching her face. There was concern mixed with the tenderness in his brown eyes.

“Hey,” he said softly, taking her chin in his hand, “Talk to me about this. You feel like it's work? Because that’s certainly not what I want you to feel when we’re together that way.”

Kathyn flushed, feeling the heat blazing on her cheekbones. “No! I just mean for me…sometimes I have to concentrate on having an orgasm. There’s a pressure to be able to.“

“Because if you don’t…” he asked slowly.

“Then you’ll feel like you let me down somehow or I’ll feel inadequate and sometimes it's easier to just not,” she said, her words coming out faster than usual, “It hasn’t been that way with you yet, but we haven’t been together that long and I- I don’t want to not-.”

Kathryn shrugged helplessly.

“Kathryn…” he said softly, his hand moving to stroke her cheek, “You should have told me that earlier.”

She nodded. Of course she should have. He never expected anything from her she wasn’t ready to give. And since coming home they had sworn there would be no secrets between them.

“You’re right. But I’m still learning all this.” She gestured between the two of them. “How to share my life, my thoughts, my worries with someone else.” She smiled, tipping her head to brush a kiss over his palm.

Chakotay trailed a finger down from her chin to her throat, tracing the line of her collarbone through her shirt. Her breath caught as he traced a scorching mark on her skin despite the fabric. She felt desire coil in her belly, her eyes locked on his.

“Promise me you’ll always be honest with me,” he murmured.

“Your pleasure is so important to me. And if that doesn’t mean an orgasm that's fine, as long as you’re completely satisfied. You just have to talk to me. Tell me what you want. I promise I’m up for it.” His voice turned deeper, arousal bringing a rasp to his words.

She shivered a little, feeling her body respond to him the way it always did. She opened her mouth to say something, but he kept talking, his words low and intense, his fingers caressing the outside of her breast and down her side. “Or, you can always just tell me if you don’t want sex. I’m just as happy to give you pleasure another way.”

“I could go down on you …spend the rest of the night between those gorgeous legs of yours. Or just touch you, let you enjoy all the pleasure your body is capable of feeling. Or we can just sit here like this. Whatever you need, Kathryn.”

“And if I can’t-” she stammered.

He smiled, leaning down to kiss her deeply. “Well, let’s try this then. Why don’t you just NOT try to come. Don’t worry about it. Don’t think about it.”

She looked skeptically at him for a moment, arching an eyebrow at the suggestion. “You want me to not try to have an orgasm?”

He hummed, leaning in to press his lips to her neck, making her squirm despite herself, “That’s right. Just enjoy yourself. No expectations. Only pleasure.”

Well, now. How could she possibly say no to that?

Kathryn ran her fingers through his hair, tipping her head to allow him easier access to her neck. As his tongue flicked out over her skin she gasped slightly, her body seeking his.

“One condition….” she said breathlessly, tugging his hair softly to still his movements.

Chakotay pulled back, his eyes dark and hungry, “Anything.”

She reached down to walk her fingers across the hard ridge of his erection, a smile playing at the corners of her lips.

“You have to let yourself come, if you want to. No resisting, no holding back and fighting it. Just let go.”

She watched as the surprise flickered in his eyes. Maybe he didn’t realize that she had noticed. That when they were together she saw the hard set of his jaw, the tension in his brow as he held back, time and again. As he tried to stave off his own pleasure to make it good for her.

Maybe tonight could be about finding their own pleasure without shame and pressure and expectations. If he wanted her to do that for him, then he needed to be willing to be that honest with her.

Chakotay chuckled slightly, pulling her into an embrace, “All right then, but don’t blame me if this is over in about 2 minutes.“

She laughed, kissing the bristle of his jaw, “Let’s go to bed.”

************

“Mmmmm…” Kathryn groaned, as strong, broad hands kneaded the muscles of her back. Chakotay was straddling her hips, his fingers seeking out every knot along the contours of her spine. Laid out naked in their bed, she felt the beginnings of the day’s stress begin to slip away under his careful ministrations.

When they came into the bedroom he had undressed her slowly, keeping his kisses sweet and gentle, whispering for her to let him spoil her a little, that they were in no hurry. At first she had protested, tugging at his clothes playfully until he was completely bare.

He hadn’t let her rush them though. He had coaxed her to her stomach on the bed, his lips brushing over the base of her neck as he massaged and stroked every part of her body. Dreamily, she wondered how something could be arousing and relaxing at once.

Each time he shifted, she felt the intimate pressure of his erection against her thigh. Smiling, she slid her hand back, brushing the velvety skin of his cock. It was just too delightful, teasing him. Hearing him react to her.

“Kathryn…” Chakotay sputtered, his hands faltered on her skin, his hips thrusting once toward her palm before he pulled away. She whined in disappointment, grasping for him again with no success.

“Stop rushing,” he chided her, but she could hear the smile on his face.

A large hand on her hip urged her over, her back finding the cool satin of the sheets. It had gotten darker since they first came to the bedroom, the stars appearing outside the window. As Chakotay settled over her, she searched his eyes in the darkness. The desire and love reflecting in them was easy to read, and it smoothed out some of the rough edges from her day.

He bent his head and kissed her softly at first, his tongue teasing the seam of her lips before slipping inside. There was an intent to the way he built the passion of the kiss, his mouth mating with hers with a diabolical gentleness. She sighed into the kiss, melting against him and twining her arms around his neck. By the time he pulled back for air, she was flushed and gasping.

“Remember…just relax,” he grinned cheekily at her despite his own rapid breathing. Reaching behind his neck, he unclasped her hands and eased them down, then ducked his head.

Moonlight cast silver shadows over his hair, the muscles of his shoulders flexing as he held himself above her. She would never tire of looking at him.

Chakotay’s mouth took a slow, lazy journey down her body. Nuzzling and kissing the curves of her breasts, licking down the slight round of her stomach, rubbing his nose in the curls between her thighs. He looked like he was completely enraptured with his task, his eyes dark with passion. He clearly reveled in exactly what they were doing at this moment.

And, in turn, so did she. Kathryn felt herself slide into the delightful sensations without planning the next move, the next step, without trying to get her body to begin the ascent toward climax.

It was strangely liberating, to just be in that moment. To just be with him.

She felt warm breath against her sex, and a soft “oh” escaped her lips. It would be a lie to say she didn’t love when he made love to her this way. He drove her absolutely out of her mind every time.

A kiss on her inner thigh. A gentle nip just in the crease of her pelvis. She wiggled, huffing in frustration and heard him chuckle.

Yes.

The probing tip of his tongue slipped between her folds. Just slightly at first, then more thoroughly as he urged her legs further apart. He licked her languidly, indulently, swirling his tongue between and around her labia. As if there was no hurry, no rush toward release.

It was impossible not to relax into the luxurious pleasure. There was nothing but the firm, wet tug of his mouth, the soft touches of his hands. Warmth curled through her belly, flowing outward into her tense limbs. He caressed her inner thighs, sending ghost trails of sensations along her skin. She sank into the bliss his hands and his mouth were giving her.

Gradually her hips started to hitch with each lap of his tongue, seeking friction on her swollen clit. She couldn’t help the frustrated whimper that crossed her lips, her hands moving restlessly in the sheets as she squirmed.

"Easy. Close your eyes. Just feel it, " he murmured against her sex, the vibration of his voice making her shudder.

With her eyes closed the sensations became overwhelming, disorienting. There was only him, his wicked mouth, and the aching, building need for release.

An orgasm was hovering just out of reach, and every part of her body wanted to strain toward it. To clench and arch as she twisted beneath him.

“Stop trying, “ he rasped from between her legs.

“I can’t- I can’t- god…” Kathryn panted and swore. It was exquisite torture. Pleasure as bright as pain.

She drew in a deep breath, willing herself to stop thinking, stop searching. Instead, she focused on the velvet sweeps of his tongue, the warmth of his breath. Seconds later she felt a delicious pressure at her entrance, and two thick fingers eased inside. That was all it took to finally send her falling.

She came with a brutal, bone-wrenching force. The orgasm rolled over her with a momentum she couldn’t resist, every muscle in her body tensing and quivering. She let out a strangled cry as her inner muscles clenched and spasmed.

God, it went on and on. His mouth still hot and searching between her legs. Her hands fisted in his hair as she clutched his face to her core. Until her mind went blissfully blank and her body sank into the mattress, saturated with lust.

When she finally forced her eyes open, still hazy from her aftershocks, the sight of him stole her breath.

He was back on his heels, his hand stroking slowly over his heavily engorged cock. His mouth hung open as he drew deep, heaving breaths, staring frankly at her body as he touched himself. Sprawled out on the bed, she felt frozen in place, the exhaustion from her own climax and the wave of rising desire paralyzing her body.

“Oh,” she said softly, her throat dry as her eyes fixed on the movements of his hand.

A flicker of hesitation ran through his eyes as his hand slowed. She shook her head, swallowed hard as she struggled to make her mouth form words.

"Don't stop," she said thickly.

A shudder ran through him at her words, and she watched as he relaxed into his own pleasure. It felt hypnotic, watching his hand slide along the thick length of his cock, his head falling back in unbridled ecstasy. Kneeling between her legs, he pumped his erection with increasing force.

She watched him with wide, hungry eyes. What was he imagining? She had never seen him masturbrate before. And god it was beautiful.

"Spirits, Kathryn…" he groaned.

Instinct made her try and clamp her thighs together against a jolt of arousal, but he was still between them, keeping her legs spread wide. It was as if she hadn’t just come against his tongue.

She wanted more. And she wanted to give him more.

Kathryn licked her lips slowly, then drew her bottom lip between her teeth, locking her eyes with his. The movement left no doubt as to what she wanted, “Come here.”

He paused, searching her eyes. Generally, he wasn’t one to seek out a position that focused on his pleasure. He always put her first, always saw to her needs. There was a reluctance to seek his own completion.

Not tonight.

“You promised me. Don’t hold back.” she said huskily. The hesitance left his gaze, replaced by heat. Need.

To her surprise, he shuffled to turn his body until he was on all fours, his knee beside her shoulder, his hand near her thigh. He pressed a kiss to her mound and looked back at her, a playful spark entering his eyes.

They hadn’t done this before. If felt primal and raw, both of them stripped down to basic desires and urges. His broad thighs settled around her head, the head of his cock coming within striking distance of her mouth. Even though he held his body above her, she felt surrounded, engulfed by him. Greedily, she wrapped her hand around him, his shaft slick with precum, and guided him between her lips.

The sound he made when she took him in the wet heat of her mouth was glorious.

She swept her tongue around him eagerly, gathering up his musky, salty flavor. His thighs were trembling wildly under her palms. Sliding her hands up to grip his ass, she pulled him deep, until the soft head of his cock hit the back of her throat and she moaned against him.

She felt him shift and gasp in response, his hands pressing her thighs further apart. Before her mind could process what was happening, his mouth descended on her again, desperate and frantic. He sucked her clit hard, his tongue moving over it in rapid circles.

It was the most intimate thing they had ever done, and the forbidden thrill of it only heightened the excitement.

They were both panting, breaking their mouths free from each other’s bodies only to gasp for air before diving back in. She stroked a hand along him in time to the moves of her mouth, loving the way it made him growl and shake.

And, god his mouth. He matched her movements with equally enthusiastic ones of his own as he licked and sucked hungrily at her cunt, her pleasure feeding his. They were rocking together, trying to get closer for more intimate tastes, more heightened sensations.

Suddenly he stilled above her. Gasping. Arms shaking.

He was so gorgeous like this. Caught in the tight fist of his own need.

“Hell. Kathryn stop or I’m going to…” He pulled back, his breath hot on the top of her thigh as his hips arched away from her mouth.

This man. Her heart stuttered at his restraint, his gentleness.

But she wanted his fierceness.

Raising her head, she flicked her tongue along his shaft. She urged him back down, her hands caressing his hips. Humming, she closed her mouth around him again.

The moment he surrendered was palpable, his hips relaxing in her grasp, his mouth clamping back on her sex. This time, it was wild and hungry.

Her orgasm took her by surprise. She had been so wholly absorbed in him. In the strength and smell and feel of his body, she hadn’t given it a thought.

But then he rolled her clit between his lips and she arched and cried out, her lips tightening as the sound was muffled by his cock. Her climax slammed into her hard and then flowed through her body, pulsing from her scalp to the soles of her feet.

Wave after wave of pleasure took her. Bright spots dancing in front of her vision.

She writhed under him as she stroked him furiously with her lips and her palm, wanting his completion as much as her own.

And then he was coming in her mouth in hot bursts, his cry buried in her inner thigh as his hips stuttered and his thighs shook around her. She tried to swallow, but was still breathing hard as aftershocks shook her body, pulling back as he continued to spill on her chest, her neck.

He slipped off her and collapsed on the mattress at her slide, his hand splayed across her thigh. The only sound in the quiet room was the rasp of their breathing.

Chakotay took a moment to come back to himself, then stood, leaning down to kiss her lips softly, “Let me grab something to clean up.”

She watched him go, draping an arm across her forehead. She wondered if the man had completely obliterated her ability to think. If he had, she couldn’t honestly say she minded.

He returned with a towel, tenderly wiping up the mess they had made of themselves, then tossed it into the darkness of the corner of the bedroom. After the wildness of their joining, the act felt unspeakably sweet. She reached for his hand, tugging him back into the tangle of sheets.

“Kathryn. That ” he said softly, his eyes still slightly unfocused as he crawled up to lay beside her, “was crazy.”

She laughed quietly, fingers stroking through the dark hair on his chest as she cuddled up on her side facing him. “Good crazy, I hope?”

“I think that goes without saying.” He blew out a long breath and reached down to pull a blanket over the two of them. Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, he slipped an arm around her to keep her close. “You know, as much as I love this, I also love just being with you. You do know that, right?”

Kathryn hummed softly, feeling the exhaustion begin to sweep over her again. Her eyelids drifted closed, her cheek pillowed against his shoulder. “I know that. And I promise, I’ll try to let you know how I’m feeling.”

She heard him chuckle softly as he shifted her in his arms, his own body finding a comfortable position. “Well, I’m not going anywhere. So luckily we have plenty of time for you to practice.”