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Loving Him Was Red

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Loving him is like
Driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street
Faster than the wind, passionate as sin
Ending so suddenly
Loving him is like trying to change your mind
Once you're already flying through the free fall
Like the colors in autumn, so bright
Just before they lose it all

He changed his life. There was no other way to put it. He was so lost before he met him. While he was with him it felt like he was at home, he felt so comfortable, and he felt so right. There were so many emotions involved, emotions that he never allowed himself to feel before. He felt like he had gone his whole life without feelings and suddenly his entire heart woke up because of Shaun. The summer went by in a blur, the happiest time of his life. And then he fucked everything up. It always felt like high stakes, he knew that as long as they were inside their little bubble it was all fine but every time he stepped out and he went back to his life he doubted all of this a little, he feared he was in too deep.

Losing him was blue like I'd never known
Missing him was dark gray, all alone
Forgetting him was like
Trying to know somebody you never met
But loving him was red

He thought that the time he had spent apart from him after that first kiss had been though. Shaun was already making his way into his heart and he missed him so much so he decided to take that leap into the unknown. He still pushed back a little after that first time but he had managed to listen to his heart for once.

Touching him was like
Realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you
Memorizing him was as
Easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song
Fighting with him was like
Trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer
Regretting him was like
Wishing you never found out that love could be that strong

It was so stupid; the way things had ended. There were so many thoughts in his head and when he and Shaun had that fight, he just spewed out the most stupid ones. But to be fair he just, he never had anyone to really talk to, so he had no idea how to do it properly. When Gabe came to talk to him he was still so in his head, wrapped up in his miserable life and in the things his sister had said. Did he regret starting this? In a way, yes, his life was easy before this. Fucked up as hell but easy.

Losing him was blue like I'd never known
Missing him was dark gray, all alone (Whoa)
Forgetting him was like
Trying to know somebody you never met
But loving him was red

It was a bit easier to focus all this newfound passion into getting into that school again, however it was impossible to not link it to Shaun. Cody liking Shaun so much wasn’t helping either. It was one of the many thoughts in his head. How much like a real family the three of them felt like. When he saw his mural disappear, all the colour disappear out of his life that was when he missed him the most.

Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes
Tell myself it's time now, gotta let go
But moving on from him is impossible
When I still see it all in my head
In burning red
Burning, it was red

Him being so good to Cody. Sharing the calm of the waves with someone. Him giving him permission to follow his dreams eventough he didn’t know he needed it. Could he ever go back to his sad little life after he had tasted happiness?

Oh, losing him was blue like I'd never known
Missing him was dark gray, all alone (Whoa)
Forgetting him was like
Trying to know somebody you never met
'Cause loving him was red

The time he had spent with him was so good, that was all he had needed, and he had never known until now. Surfing didn’t help. Surfing had always helped. Talking to Tori helped. Tori gave him the courage to accept he didn’t have to be everything for everyone, he could be just Zach for once.

And that's why (Red, red) he's spinning 'round in my head
Comes back to me (Red, red), burning red

He had to fix this shit. He had the school, he had Tori’s friendship, he had to get Shaun back. He had to let Shaun know how much he had changed his life for the better. How much he trusted him and how comfortable he was with him. He needed him and he wanted to need him.

His love was like
Driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street

Moving to got to CalArts, moving in with Shaun and taking Cody with him it felt like so much. But so much is good, it’s good when it means being happy.