When Edward left, I didn’t know what to do with myself.
I always woke hours before school; sitting up on the edge of my bed and cupping my hands together. ‘ Take deep breaths Bella ‘, I could only coax myself. There was no one left to comfort me, and there was no shoulder to lean on.
Charlie could’ve been my shoulder. But he had already run himself ragged making sure I at least got a few hours of sleep in. The same couldn’t be said for himself, though. He looked...worse for wear. His under eyes were puffy and dark. He was always so sluggish, I barely ever got to see his little side smirks anymore.
I couldn’t make him suffer with me. He didn’t deserve that. He never deserved any of this. The grip I had with my clasped hands only tightened. It brought me back to the Cullen's abandonment. It was...harsh. To say at the very least. The time we spent together was filling up a lonely hole in my heart that I never knew I had. Only for the plug to be ripped out just as quickly as it was filled; the hole only getting bigger with the absence of my anchor. The thought made me lift a hand to my chest, gripping loosely at my shirt in attempts to make the pain stop.
The ache felt sharp, but the dull thumping around the cusps of my heart only intensified the feeling. Little pins and needles would poke and torment me every time *he* came to mind. I cocked an eyebrow and scoffed as I shook my head. During these hours of staring at a wall, I had really come to realize how little I thought about myself. How I glorified Edward and his supernatural abilities. Putting him on a pedestal because it was every teenage girl’s dream to even be a *meal* for a vampire.
And yet out of every girl in forks...he chose me.
The relationship I had built with Edward was far from healthy. If anything, the best thing they could do had already been done. Leaving was for the best. But they could’ve at least sent a postcard. It took months and months of agony, heartache, support from Charlie and staring at a wall to come to terms with what had happened. And even then, somehow Alice’s departure felt the most betraying. I would’ve thought, hey! At least my best friend will try and keep in contact with me.
Obviously that was wrong.
It didn’t take long for me to be pulled from my thoughts, though. The sun hadn’t come up yet. Small taps against my window told me someone was outside, and despite the ‘stranger danger’ talk I had with my father; I had a feeling whoever was throwing rocks was someone familiar. A small smile curled up at the edges of my lips. Out of everyone I had known, Jacob was the most supportive after ‘their’ departure. He was super understanding and went out of his way to be *my* sun when all was dark.
“Bella!” He whisper-yelled, being extra careful not to wake up Charlie. “Open sesame!” A small chuckle left from him as he eyed the window, I hadn’t gotten up yet; but I could faintly hear his voice. I lifted myself up from my bed, and as soon as I saw him; I flashed him a warm smile. I didn’t feel bad that he wasn’t around as often as he used to be. I was guilty of the same thing...but, his mood swings gave me a severe case of whiplash. One moment he says to stay away from him, the next he’s at my window telling me to let him in.
As long as he was happy, I could deal with the random disappearances or ‘gotta go’. Of course, he seemed...stony expression the last few times I saw him. But Seth, Quil, Paul and Embry all looked like they had a genuine bond with him. Despite those eerie words he had spoken about Seth looking at him weird. Opening my window, I couldn’t help but ask - “Do you need me to unlock the front door,” and Jake all but smirked. “Nah! I’m coming up!” he quickly paced the side of the home, jumping from the side of it and pushed himself up towards the tree. Turning around and gripping on the window sill. Swinging himself backwards and just as quickly forwards; flinging himself in the room with ease.
I could barely keep the surprise from my face as he did this. But...honestly? It wasn’t that surprising. He was getting huge...It wasn’t until just now where I realized that he had no shirt on. He wasn’t lying when he said he was filling out. He looked shredded. “I know you’ve been worried about me,” he sighed, walking past Bella and sitting on the end of her bed. With pursed lips and a genuine expression of guilt - he paused. “I wish I could tell you what’s going on. I hate leaving you in the dark. I just want to make everything make more sense. We’ve talked about it before. At La Push?” Another pause. “I know I’m dumping all of this on you right now, but It’s something I’ve been trying to convey to you...but I just can’t.”
It was the first time I’ve seen Jacob so heartfelt. He seemed like all the times he brushed me off or ignored me these past few days was catching up to him. Ever since the movies, I kept trying to reach him. I couldn’t have another Cullen situation. After a while though, I just figured he needed time to rest and heal. But...if anything it just looked like he spent that time working out. Bella scoffed, rolling her eyes and placing her hands in her pockets with ease. She plops down next to him, and shakes her head. “Don’t feel guilty about it Jacob. I don’t know what happened, but there’s something different about you. I don’t know.” I paused, looking forward at first and then tilting my head up towards the ceiling.
“Before you were...You were like half a sun. Like there was a missing piece that made it so you couldn’t shine to your full potential. Even if our last few visits haven’t been ‘the greatest’, I can tell that you somehow feel more full.” I dip my head back down, and turn to Jacob with a smile. He had always been there for me when I needed it. Whatever was going on, he had no need to feel guilty about it. This made Jacob seem to relax a little more, and he nods softly. “Just think about it, okay? Remember, we’ve talked about it before. Everything could change if you knew.” He stands up from the bed, and places his large hand on top of my head. As much as I hated his hair ruffling, it was comforting in a way. I chuckle softly and before I can tell him to be careful; he jumps out of the window. With a gasp, I immediately stumble to get up from my bed.
As soon as I’m up, I can see that Jacob is completely fine and just jogging away towards the rez.
“Hmm...LaPush, I already know?” There were only a few times I went with Jake over there. The Cold One’s story was what I kept coming back to. The Quileute tribe had always held disdain for the Cullen’s -- and vice versa. At least there was tension between the other members...Carlisle and Esme seemed to be completely fine with them. I kept switching which leg to use pressure on. Running a hand through my dark hair. Then it soon turned to pacing. Right...Well. I could dwell over it while I’m exhausted, or...I could head to bed and think about it some more when I have a clear head. The latter seemed like the best bet. Another sigh, the wall and I can stare intimately at one another some other time. Seeing Jacob seemed to snuff out whatever ill feelings I was brooding over before. Before I could think my brain into mush, I tossed myself onto my bed and let sleep do It’s thing.