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How My Body Wages War On Me

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They came out of nowhere.

Klaus remembered it vividly. 

His twelve year old self, sitting in his room, staring up at the ceiling absentmindedly as he listened to one of his favourite songs through his headphones, nothing too out of the ordinary. Vanya's melodic tunes of violin could be heard from the wall he rested his head against. She was getting better, at least they no longer had to hear the irritating scratching of her bow ungracefully gliding on the strings. The ghosts had surprisingly decided to give him a day off today as none of them - bar the odd old lady or two - had bothered him at all. He never thought that could happen. He wholeheartedly believed the only requirement of being a ghost was to make him wish he was deaf and blind. He would say dead but then he'd be among them and no way was he going to let that happen. He had enough fears of them attacking him in the realm of the living despite their attempts to do so being futile, he didn't want to even imagine what could happen if he actually joined them.

But of course, when one thing wasn't ruining his life, another one was. Or at least - about to.

It happened like that.

A twitch. 

Klaus' head twitched abruptly to the side without any warning in his body whatsoever. Just, one second he was staring up, then a sharp pain in his neck as his head roughly jerked to face the window next to him and then back to the ceiling. 

His brows furrowed in bafflement. What the Hell was that? He brought a hand up to the crook of his neck, rubbing in a soothing manner to ease the sting. He dropped it back down to his side when the pain subsided, going back to his previous past time. Soon enough, the worry at the back of his mind followed in the footsteps of his sore neck and eventually...went away.

He thought nothing of it for a while.

It wasn't until the next evening during dinner that it happened again. They had waited for their father patiently behind their assigned chairs, he had declared they could begin their meal and they ate in complete silence as always - apart from good ol' Herr Karlson. And Klaus, this time. 

Like the day before, it just came out of nowhere. Well, this time that wasn't entirely true. He could feel something bubbling up inside of him as he picked at his plate of food. Like...a sneeze of some sort. It built up inside until - it just came out. 

"Fuckwit titty rabbits!"

His siblings' confused and wildly expanded eyes would've been hilarious had he been in a different situation. 

Klaus didn't even know how to compose himself after saying something like that. He had a sheepish smile across his face but his eyes were just as confused as his brothers and sisters. Oh, and they were definitely terrified.

He kept his gaze on the teen in front of him, Diego, who had frozen at his words. And Klaus knew exactly why. 

"Number Four," Reginald started in a low voice. Most people would think the angrier the parent, the louder they are - that it was scarier. But it really wasn't. "Would you care to repeat what you just said?" He asked, angrily taken aback by Klaus' inappropriate choice of words.

Klaus opened his mouth but no words emitted from it. "I-I...I-"

"How dare you. How dare you use such vulgar language in my house and during the one time where talking is forbidden altogether! I've had enough of your nonsense, Number Four!" He roared, dropping his knife and fork with a loud clatter on his plate. 

Klaus was quick to defend himself. "B-but I..I didn't mean to say that! It just - aye!"

This time, his father wasn't the one to interrupt him. In replace, it was a strange sound and a small twitch of his face scrunching up. If anything, it just addled the others more. 

His father stood up quickly. "Enough! Number Four, you are excused from dinner. I care not that you have barely touched it, you will learn to suffer the consequences of your actions! I expect your desperate seek of attention be resolved by the next time I see you!" He ordered.

Klaus' jaw hung low. His father was blaming him? But wasn't he supposed to help him? Isn't that what father's did? Maybe he just didn't understand. That Klaus couldn't explain what was happening and that it was most certainly not for attention of any sorts. If he just tried to tell him, then maybe he could at least finish his steak. He was starving.

"No! I didn't- they just came out of nowhere-"

"Number Four, I do not recall asking for an explanation! You will return to your room and I better not hear another word from you for the rest of night - that includes your siblings. Do I make myself clear?" 

Klaus, stunned by his father's words, nodded slowly before retreating back up the stairs in a professional manner until he was out of sight from the others and sprinted up the rest of them, slamming his door shut. 

He paced around his room for what felt like ages, just thinking. What is happening to him? Why can't he control himself? He didn't even know what he said meant but he said it! In front of his father of all people. What even was this? Was he going to be like this forever? Or would it eventually go away? Was he going to grow up to be some freak that said random, weird-ass shit?

A feeling of panic arose in his stomach which only resulted in more glitches in his body to surface. His hand jerked upwards and clashed with his chin as he made a clicking noise with his tongue. He froze. Okay, so, those were new. The panic returned and his leg kicked out in front of him. Now he was really getting worried. His breathing increased and his hands clutched tightly onto his dark curls. Think, think, think.... His eye darted around his room until they caught sight of his headphones. Scrambling across the room, he snatched them up, placed them over his ears and pressed play, sighing as the relaxation started to kick in when he heard his favourite song. He exhaled deeply as the soothing melody washed over him, feeling his anxiety fade away. 

He found his body gravitating towards his bed and before he knew it, he was lying on his back like yesterday as he listened to his music. 

He couldn't deny it. Something wasn't right. And it didn't look like he was going to return to normal anytime soon. Whatever normal meant in this crazy family anyways. A robot mother, a talking chimp butler and six kids with superpowers - this was probably inevitable. 

Klaus slowly slipped away into the comforting darkness not too long after. 






The siblings made as much use of their half hour on Saturdays as they could. Sometimes they would all play games together or other times they would go off and do their own thing (but usually in pairs). Today was like a mixture of both.

The Hargreeves children were all spread out in the basement kitchen, one of the few places their father would visit so it was more private and less likely for interruptions. Perfect. 

Luther and Allison sat at the table next to each other, giggling and gossiping about whatever nonsense appealed to them. Five was on a chair pulled away from the table and conversing with Ben across from him about whatever book they had finished. Vanya was doing some violin studies cross-legged on the floor, Diego not too far from her sharpening his knives and Klaus was listening to music in the corner. It was quite nice. They didn't need to be running around, chasing each other to have fun.  Being in each other's presence was enough. 

Klaus stared out the coveted windows that lead to the (forbidden) outside world. His head bobbed and his hand tapped his knee in the steady rhythm of one of the songs from his playlist. He was surprised with himself. His tics, as he was now calling them, would be going crazy right now. Although, if they'd taught him anything, it was that music seemed to be his remedy. But of course, they weren't miracles so he would twitch in his seat and make strange sounds every now and then but thankfully he was the furthest away from the others so not many questions were asked. That is until one of his siblings decided to involve his opinion - which didn't actually happen very often.

"Klaus, will you - Klaus!" Diego called. He repeated his name seeing as Klaus hadn't so much as looked at his brother at the mention of it, indicating he was distracted by the view from his window seat and the music in his ears. 

Klaus cocked a brow to the side, smirking as he lifted one earphone. Before he could respond though, his shoulders scrunched up and he blinked tightly. "You called, mi hermano -" a whistle cut the end of his sentence short, earning him a few befuddled looks from his siblings. 

Diego brushed it off as he returned to the current topic. "Which is better, Superman or Batman? Luther says Superman but that's because he's kissed dad's ass so much he's lost his taste." He hissed at his blonde haired brother who glared back at him.

"You taste with your tongue, dumbass." Five sneered, eyes not even lifting from the pages of his novel, licking his fingertips to turn the page with ease.

"How do you know he wasn't frenching it?" Klaus suggested while spinning around so his back was the only thing visible, censoring the exaggerated demonstration he added along with it - and a few subtle extensions of his elbows that went undetected by his siblings.

Vanya emitted a soft giggle, covering her mouth out of politeness while Allison snickered and Diego smirked. Ben simply bit his lip to try and hide the smile that forced it's way onto his face. Five had a proud grin and Luther was blushing bright red from anger and or embarrassment. Klaus returned to his original position, only to be met with Luther's tomato-like face and burst out laughing, the others soon following suite. 

"I can - aye - totally -" he whistled, "-see it happening - click!" He ended his sentence with a tap to his forehead.

He watched as his siblings' faces slowly faded from laughter to an awkward frown. 

"Uh, listen, Klaus," Luther began. "This whole...weird joke was funny at first but you can knock it off now." He advised. 

Klaus would've dropped his jaw all the way down to the floor if it could reach. He didn't know whether to be angry, confused or understanding.

Allison chimed in. "Yeah, it's getting a little annoying now." 

A few hums of agreement could be heard from the others.

Klaus was blown away. They thought he was faking it? They thought this was just another ruse for attention? A prank? He didn't know what the Hell was going on with his body, why his dad was punishing him for it - and they thought it was a joke?

His face fell. "Wha- guys, I'm not-" His face scrunched up and he whistled. "I'm not faking - aye - it. I swear!" His head jerked to the side. 

He could practically see the disappointment ooze off of them. 

Despite their father setting the children up with the finest tutors in the country, Klaus rarely learned anything.

But today, he learned three things;

One - Music seemed to temporarily cure his tics, as he liked to call them.

Two - You taste with your tongue, not your lips.

And three - his siblings expected nothing more from him than being loud, annoying, irresponsible and make jokes in poor taste.