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Is She Gonna Be There?

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You say that it's over, but I'm not convinced
'Cause when she comes over you're always hiding it
You say she's a cool girl and we'd really get along
But when we're together I don't belong

 

Amanda had always been jealous of Alex, and Olivia had reassured her time and time again that they were just friends, and nothing was going on between them. Amanda didn't believe it, she knew how Alex looked at Olivia, and she knew how much Olivia loved Alex, and she was always told that it was all platonic, and she had nothing to worry about.

 

Alex had been back for a few weeks, and any time she showed her face in the squad room, Olivia's eyes lit up, the way her eyes were supposed to light up for Amanda. The younger detective knew of their relationship, and knew that they had dated a lifetime ago, and she trusted Olivia with her heart, but she didn't trust Alex.

 

You've been talking in your sleep
And now my head's all full of these insecurities
As we call a cab to leave, I turn and I ask you again

Tell me, is she gonna be there?

 

"I don't know why you decide to bring this up now, Amanda!" Olivia groaned in frustration. They were required to attend a NYPD benefit gala, and Olivia knew that Alex was going to be there, and she knew that if she told Amanda, Amanda would make a big deal about it. It had hurt Olivia that she felt like Amanda didn't trust her when she said nothing was going on between them, because it was true. Olivia had spent too many sleepless nights over Alex, and she knew that she wouldn't have to do that anymore with Amanda by her side.


'Cause I know what you said
But baby, you've got history
Tell me, is she gonna be there?
Is it all in my head?
'Cause I can see your chemistry

 

"She is in love with you, Olivia. Everyone can see it!" Amanda yelled back at her. "She's always touching you, always showing up in those tight fucking skirts. Sitting on your desk with her legs practically open for you!" Amanda shook her head and paced the living room.

 

Olivia hung her head back and closed her eyes. "You've got it all wrong, Amanda." Olivia sighed and crossed her arms. She suddenly felt very uncomfortable in this dress and wanted to get the fuck out of it.

 

Yeah, I'm tryna be cool but, baby, you're making me crazy
And I'm tryna be cool by saying that it doesn't phase me but
If she's gonna be there you can go, by yourself
'Cause I'm gonna be somewhere else

 

"You can go to this event without me. I don't want to see her eye fucking you in that dress." Amanda wiped her cheeks. "You really don't see it and you think I'm the crazy, overprotective girlfriend for it. I don't trust her, Olivia, and I know that she's your friend, but she has her best interests out for you." Amanda looked at the brunette.

 

Olivia sighed and shook her head. "I know Alex, and she wouldn't do anything to jeopardize my happiness. Can we please go?" Olivia sighed and walked over to Amanda and placed her hands on her hips, looking down at the younger blonde. "I have eyes for you, and for you only, got it?" Olivia asked and captivated Amanda's lips with hers. 

 

I'm not a bitch, no, I don't want to keep you home
But it's making me sick if you're going on your own

 

"You can't always convince me with those lips, you know that, right?" Amanda smiled, biting her lip and Olivia grinned. "We'll see about that." She kissed her again and grabbed her hand and headed to the car.


I see you light up whenever she arrives

 

Watching Olivia wrap her arms around Alex's body and kissing her cheek made Amanda want to scream, pull Alex off of her, not ever let Olivia see her again. But she knew that she was being possessive, not trusting her partner. Amanda slowly breathed out to cool herself off and immediately headed to the bar.


And you hold on too long when you're saying goodbye

 

It felt like too many hours had passed while sitting at this goddamn event, and Alex was touching Olivia every second she could get. If Olivia made a joke, her hand was on her arm, if she wanted a drink, Alex immediately got up and placed her hand on her shoulder, and Amanda could not believe that Olivia wasn't seeing this.

 

Amanda watched Alex pull the brunette by her hips and give her those fucking eyes, the eyes that Amanda gives Olivia when she wants to go home and get her into bed and keep her to herself. "Al..." Olivia laughed softly and placed her hand on Alex's cheek and smiled. "I have to go." Alex pulled her into her arms and held onto her tightly. 

 

"She's very lucky, Olivia, and I'm sorry that I couldn't give you that." Alex whispered and Olivia closed her eyes, a tear falling from her cheek. "I love you, Alex, and I always will, but I'm really happy with her." Olivia smiled and glanced over at Amanda, who looked like she was about to drop kick Alex. 

 

"Go." Alex laughed and squeezed her hand before she left, watching the brunette slip away.

 

Now you've been talking in your sleep
And now my head's all full of these insecurities

As we call a cab to leave, I turn and I ask you again

Tell me, is she gonna be there?
'Cause I know what you said
But baby, you've got history

 

"Why are you crying? What did she do to you?" Amanda asked angrily, wiping Olivia's cheeks.

 

"I just want to go home." Olivia sighed and wrapped her arm around Amanda's waist.

 

"What did she say?" Amanda asked again, pulling away from her embrace.

 

Olivia closed her eyes and shook her head. "Why are you so fucking jealous, Amanda?" Olivia quietly hissed. 

 

Amanda was taken back that Olivia had gotten so angry. "You should have fucked her in front of everyone, since that's what you two were practically doing." Amanda snapped back. The liquor in her had slowly creeped in and now it was hitting her full force.

 

"You keep telling me nothing is there, but I see the way you two look at each other. You just want me to fill the void of not having miss perfect Alex." Amanda hissed again.

 

"You're drunk. I'm not doing this. Can we please leave?" Olivia begged, trying to keep her tears at bay. 

 

"You can go home with her." Amanda turned and left Olivia standing in the middle of the foyer.


Tell me, is she gonna be there?
Is it all in my head?
'Cause I can see your chemistry

Yeah, I'm tryna be cool but, baby, you're making me crazy
And I'm tryna be cool by saying that it doesn't phase me but
If she's gonna be there you can go, by yourself
'Cause I'm gonna be somewhere else

 

O: Can you bring me home?

A: Where are you?

O: Front, outside.

 

Alex quickly found her way to Olivia, and she could tell that she had been crying. It hadn't even been twenty minutes since they had said goodbye. Alex glanced around for Amanda and frowned, turning her attention back to Olivia. "Where's Amanda?" Alex questioned, her hand rubbing Olivia's back.

 

"She doesn't believe me when I keep telling her that there's nothing going on between us." Olivia wiped her cheek and avoided eye contact with Alex.

 

Alex sighed and looked down at their feet. "I'm sorry Olivia, if I did anything to get in the way of you two.. That wasn't my intention.. I just thought.. I thought that by me coming back, this would be our way back to each other." Alex said quietly.

 

Olivia felt the ping of emotions hit her and she wrapped her arms around Alex, sobbing quietly into her neck. "You left me, Alex!" Olivia cried, her nails digging into the bare skin of the blonde's back.

 

"Come on." Alex said quietly, pulling her into a cab and giving the address to Olivia's.

 

And I know and I know and I know you think I'm jealous
But I know, but I know, but I know that she wants something else
And I know and I know and I know but I can't help
I'm imagining things every time that you mention her name

 

Alex unzipped Olivia's dress, her fingertips gently brushing against her bare back and Olivia felt her body tingle. She knew it was wrong to still be feeling this way for Alex, but she wasn't going to cross that line and make Amanda out to be the bad guy. They've had their fair share of issues and fights, but Amanda always came back to her, and she never left her feelings unresolved in the way that Alex had did.

 

"Alex." It was barely a whisper, but Alex knew that it was a warning. "I know." Alex spoke quietly, handing Olivia a t-shirt. 

 

"I can dress myself." Olivia laughed a little, trying to get her mind off the racing thoughts.

 

"I know." Alex smiled and ran her fingers through Olivia's dark hair. She studied her face; new laugh lines, her big brown eyes that she loved to get lost in, her lips that made her weak in the knees. 

 

"I'm gonna go... I really want to kiss you Olivia, and I know that you won't let me, and I know that I've overstepped, and I'm sorry." Alex kissed her forehead and pulled her former lover into her arms. Olivia closed her eyes and held on to Alex for a moment and pulled away. "Thank you for the ride." Olivia followed Alex to the door and closed it behind her.

 

Tell me, is she gonna be there?
'Cause I know what you said
But baby, you've got history
Tell me, is she gonna be there?
Is it all in my head?

 

Amanda saw Alex walking out of the apartment complex and she felt like she just might bite her head off. "Why the fuck are you here?" Amanda asked, grabbing Alex's arms as she came off the steps.

 

Alex pulled her arm back, trying to catch herself from falling and looked at the younger woman. "You're very insecure for such a beautiful woman, you know that?" Alex asked, crossing her arms over herself.

 

Amanda looked up at the blonde and shook her head. "I'm not insecure Alex, I see the way that you two look at each other, and I hate that she doesn't look at me like that anymore." Amanda promised herself that if she ever got the chance to confront Alex, that she wouldn't make a fool of herself, or show her weakness, and she was doing the exact opposite.

 

Alex sighed, "Amanda," She reached out and grabbed her hand. "Yeah, I love Olivia with everything I have in me, and I thought that maybe if I came back, I'd fix what I destroyed, and then I found out that you two were together. I know I overstepped, and I apologized to Liv for that too." Alex sighed. "She looks at you the same way she used to look at me, and I know how incredible the feeling is. You need to trust her, she's not an easy one to earn trust. You should know that." Alex cleared her throat and pulled her hand away.

 

"But if you ever doubt her love for you again, Amanda, I promise I will be there to remind her how loved she is." Alex warned and disappeared into the night.

 

'Cause I can see your chemistry

Yeah, I'm tryna be cool but, baby, you're making me crazy