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Underneath the Lights

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After a while they shifted on the couch and we’re now horizontal. 

She had shed his shirt at some point, and he his boxers, before they shifted to lay down wanting nothing between them but skin.  Olivia was tucked up into his side, her back against the couch, and El was laying on his back, cradling Liv under one arm while his free hand was slowly tracing lines up and down her thigh that was draped over him.

Olivia’s mind was still a little unglued by their last conversation before he turned her body into an aching satisfied mess.

She felt a shiver spread across her skin as the thoughts of what they just did replayed in her mind.  How is this all real she thought?

Then El shifted pulling the blanket from the back of the couch over them and Liv smiled into his skin.  He must have thought she was cold and that’s why her skin had goose bumped.  He didn’t know the real reason was because she was thinking about how she could still feel him between her legs… and probably would for days.  But he had always been attentive to her needs… even when he shouldn’t have been.

She felt a dip in her stomach thinking about the implications of that and her mind wandered back to their conversation before he fucked her into oblivion.

If she was being honest with herself, what was causing this unglued feeling wasn’t that she was afraid of making a commitment to him, but how much she wasn’t afraid.  There was only one other time in her life she had ever felt this sure.  The second she laid eyes on her sweet boy in that dresser drawer she was ready to commit herself to being his mother.

And now she was having that same feeling.  It was overwhelmingly clear.  She really wanted to married Elliot Stabler.  And that… that was a staggering revelation.

She had basically told him yes after she realized she had screwed up.  She had taken too long to process, and he had quickly taken her shock as hesitation, so Elliot being Elliot, made a joke of it… giving her an out… maybe thinking she wasn’t ready for all that.

But she was.  Yes, she would marry him if he asked her, but he had just taken her by surprise.  It was startling how quickly she went from feeling shocked from his response to the all-encompassing feeling like the moment had passed her by and the sweeping despair she felt at letting that moment slip through her fingers.  All she wanted to do was go back in time and accept his answer.

He had said yes to her.

And he had meant it.  Those moments her brain spent processing what had just happened and seeing the look in his eyes… she knew.  She wished she could go back and not have ruined it with her slow realization.  There was no hesitation in his face… he wanted her for the rest of his life and without an ounce of doubt.

She was just glad she was able to correct her mistake.  Let him know in no certain terms that if he asked her… she would say yes.  And the way his eyes burned into her for a split second before he was on her, lifting her effortlessly off her feet and just… railed her against the wall.  He actions told her the message was received.

She felt her cheeks flush slightly as she laid in his arms remembering.

And she really should have known.  She should have known he would have not taken her spur of the moment remark and left it as that.  El was not a bachelor.  El was not some single, sewing my wild oats Casanova.  He could be if he wanted too.  Lord knows he dated when he had separated from Kathy the first time, and it didn’t seem like he went crazy but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

It did.  It hurt watching him choose… well… anyone… everyone over her.

She had constantly wondered… why not her?  Why not then?  It would have been a perfect opportunity to maybe try it out and see where things could go.  But they were partners and things were so complicated between them then.  She would have maybe asked him out herself had things not been the way they had then.

But there had been Gitano, and computer crimes, and Oregon… and just when she thought… maybe… maybe he’d be open to her… and then Eli happened.  Even though she loved Eli, with her whole heart, and was so thankful she was there that day to help Kathy give birth, it still hurt. 

It never seemed like the timing was right.  But now it was… and still… wasn’t.  The time was right for them to be together, but he was undercover.  She would still have to settle for periods of time where she didn’t know if he was safe or not.  Not be able to get a hold of him… not be able to text him, call him… see him.  Not know what he was doing… or what he would inevitably have to do undercover.

Her mind briefly slipped back in time to when Brian had been undercover, and she had to listen to that awful tape.

But quickly she pushed that memory out.  She didn’t want to think about anyone or anything else but Elliot. And where they are now.

His arms around her naked body, his chest softly rising and falling… the slow muffled beat of his heart in her ear.  The feeling of his warm skin against hers, his fingers leaving little trails of heat as they smoothed over her thigh.

But true to her nature, her worry wormed its way back in.

She could feel it make her chest ache and her stomach twisted a little.  At some point this beautiful little bubble would burst and their time together here and now would have to come to an end.  She didn’t want to spend the next few weeks in radio silence after all this.  This wonderful, amazing reality where she finally got the love of her life and the family she always wanted.

And she wanted it all.  She deserved it all.  They deserved it all.

She wanted to come over and stay the night not sleeping.  She wanted to do the walk of no shame leaving his apartment early still smelling like him as she went to get ready for her day.  She wanted to meet him for lunch and do the dating thing.

She wanted to spend hours on her couch just… kissing him because she could and because it was so goddamn good.

She wanted to get dressed up for him, and wear lingerie for him and feel the butterflies in her stomach in anticipation of seeing him.

She wanted to do things to him in the back of a cab because she couldn’t wait to get home to do them… she wanted to go to the movies and never see the film because they were too busy doing other things.  Things Captains shouldn’t do in public, but she would because it was him.

She wanted all the things that came with the first few months of dating someone you’re so in love with.  Even though sometimes it felt like they had been married for more than a decade… she still wanted all of that.

She wanted all the things she had needed from him when he wasn’t able to give them… she wanted to run to his arms after a hard case and feel his love surrounding her… his strong arms holding her up when she was too tired to hold herself up.  She wanted to always have him in her corner with no boundaries, to share the heaviness when the world and life got to be too much, to share the highs and lows, to not wake alone in a cold sweat after the demons in her mind pulled her into her nightmares.

And even more so, she wanted to do those things for him.  To be there for him when he needed to fall apart.  To pick up the pieces, to always champion his success.  And on those nights where all she wanted to do was shut the world out and fuck so hard she’d forget her name… he was the only one she wanted.  He had always been the only one she wanted.  The only one she’d ever trust to go that far with.

She wanted to go home to him.  She wanted him to come home to her.  To their home… a home they shared with their family… and she wanted to wake up every morning to his face across from her and choose him every day for the rest of her life.


Even after all these years he could still give them to her… they knew each other so well and yet still… butterflies.  Better than anyone else… the ugly truths and all the trauma, beautiful and not so beautiful… and still… butterflies. 

The fact they had been through so many things together that no one would understand, and yet there were still going to be firsts for them… well that gave her the most butterflies.  She really was so in love with him.

Actually in love… and able to feel it, show it, prove it… say it… with no guilt, no shame.  She had been in love with him for so many years, but it felt new and exciting, and yet this had burned inside her for almost twenty-three years.  And it had burned inside him too.

She felt tears start to prick her eyes, and she quickly brushed her face hoping he wouldn’t notice.  She didn’t want him to think something was wrong, but Elliot was… well Elliot.  Always in tune with her… and she felt him lift his head up to look down at her face.

“Liv… Liv what is it?” He asked softly but there was a hint of anxiousness underlying his voice.

He moved his hand to her chin and gently tilted her face up to meet his.

She saw his relief the instant their eyes met.  Even though he didn’t know why she was crying, he knew it wasn’t for a bad reason.  But of course, he needed to make sure.

“Baby… why are you crying?” He said as he wiped her cheek with his thumb.

She felt those butterflies again hearing his voice call her baby.

“I just… it’s just…” she said stumbling over all the words in her head.  Liv took a deep breath in and let it out taking a moment to organize her thoughts.

“I’m just so in love with you Elliot… it’s overwhelming sometimes.” She said, and a soft smile crossed her face.

And Elliot’s eyes lit up.  That smile that was reserved only for her came across his face.  Olivia felt those butterflies again, and the two of them laid there just smiling at each other like lovesick puppies.

“Say it again…” Elliot said almost whispering.

Olivia felt her smile widen and her cheeks flushed.  It felt like they were teenagers, and this all-consuming love of theirs was floating in colors all around them, encasing them in this moment,  just the two of them.

“Elliot… I am so in love with you…” Liv said, and she didn’t think she could smile any wider.

“I love hearing you say that…” he said.  Liv moved a little, so her face was closer to his and he moved his hand to her face and then brushed his fingers through her hair.

Nothing in the world felt better than being in this moment with him.

“Olivia… I am so incredibly in love with you too… it’s always been you…” he said.

Her eyes were still welling with tears, and she welcomed them.  It was overwhelming and wonderful to cry because she was so full of joy.

“I never want this night to end…” Liv said feeling a tug in her stomach that she knew was the pending end to the small fraction of time they were given.

“Hmm I don’t either.” He said and pulled her into him, their lips meeting like they had done this for decades.

She lazily opened her mouth, slowly sucking on his bottom lip drawing a low rumble from his chest.

Her lips felt sore, sensitive… swollen, as she felt the prickling of his beard.  His hand in her hair tugged ever so lightly as her teeth softly bit his lip.

Olivia laughed into their kiss and slowly let his lip slid from her mouth and she pulled back with a lopsided grin on her face.

She felt his grip tighten on her thigh and she decided to shift herself up and moved over the top of him.

She immediately felt the twinge of discomfort in her hips as her sore muscles adjusted once again to the broad width of his hips as she straddled him.  But it was worth it.  It was so worth it.

She was going to have to work in some more flexibility into her work out plan she thought, and it made her smile as she looked down under her lashes at the beautiful man staring up at her.

“You know… I’ve seen a lot of views in my life… but this one…” he said motioning with a nod of his head to her as his eyes roamed over her body and his hands flexed over her thighs before he met her gaze again, “… this one is the best fucking view I’ve ever seen…” he said, his voice almost a whole octave lower.

“And I’m never gonna get tired of seeing you like this…” he added as he shifted his lower body beneath her feeling his arousal start to spark in his veins.

She moaned softly as her eyes slipped shut feeling him beneath her.

He also would never tire of hearing her voice, that melting tone, knowing he was the cause.  Then he felt her jerk slightly. 

In the space of a few hours, he had learned and committed her movements, her sounds and what she liked and what she loved and added them to the sea of memories and things he already knew about her.  He could tell she was in a little bit of discomfort, even though the sound that had escaped her lips was one of pleasure, he didn’t want her to be in any pain.

“Liv, you ok?” he questioned as his hands relaxed and smoothed over her skin softly.

Olivia opened her eyes and chuckled to herself.  Her hands moved over his chest.

“Yea… just… a little sore.” She said with a seductive look on her face.  Her right hand moved up and her fingers moved over his jaw and through his beard.

“I think I might have whisker burn…” she said her eyebrow arching up.

Elliot laughed and placed his hand over hers.

“Sorry about that…” he said.  “As soon as this UC is over it’s gone.”

Liv smiled.  She did kinda like the beard.  But at the same time, it wasn’t him.  It wasn’t her Elliot.  She missed the smooth jaw line of the man she fell in love with.  Her partner.

And his dimples when he smiled… ugh those dimples that teased her more times than she could remember.

And his beautiful full lips.  Lips that she had always wanted to kiss and bite, and suck… and now she had, and could again.  Anytime she wanted.

But they were hard to see fully with his beard.  So even though it was growing on her… and maybe seeing him with a little scruff every now and then would be sexy, the beard needed to go.

“Hmmm… even though you do look very sexy with a little scruff…” she said, her voice low and raspy, “I miss your face…”

“Don’t worry Liv… I’ll come home to you… I can’t wait to come home to you.” He said, and she felt herself melt inside.

Now she really wanted the beard to go.  It would be the symbol of him finally and truly coming home… to her. Then they could really start their lives together.

A big smile crossed her face.  Her fears from earlier were now just a distant memory.  They were going to get through his UC and be together.  She could feel it in her heart and soul everything was going to work out.

But right now, she was going to be in this moment with him.  Right now, he wasn’t Eddie Ashes… he was Elliot.  Her Elliot and she wasn’t done with him yet.

As much as she was enjoying their current position, there wasn’t much room on the couch, and she was sure at some point they might end up on the floor… which also wouldn’t be terrible but they would pay for it later.

She was already going to have to wear her hair a certain way until the mark on her neck faded, the last thing she wanted to have to explain was any kind of rug or floor burn.

She glanced over towards his kitchen.  That island looked roomy enough, so she decided to switch gears on him and with the hint of a devilish look she rubbed herself against him.

He moaned low and deep as his hands flexed on her thighs.

Liv lifted her hands up to her hair brushing her fingers through her long locks, giving him a full view.

He breathed out hard.  “Goddamn Benson… you drive me so crazy…” he huffed out as his eyes moved over her body.

She smiled coyly.  “Thirsty?” She said quickly like he wasn’t turning her insides to liquid with those burning blue eyes of his as he ogled her, and she got up off his lap and headed for the kitchen.

It took all her will power not to turn around and see the look on his face that she most definitely knew was there.

Elliot sat up sharply after the sudden shock of her leaving him on the couch alone, his body aching for her.  Yea he was thirsty… parched even, but what he wanted more than a drink was more of her.

But his disappointment was quickly replaced by desire again as he watched her walk naked into his kitchen and flip the light on.

All those years of sneaking peeks of her… his eyes shifting down, watching her walk… her hips swaying, her long legs striding under her pants, and that sexy fucking ass of hers.

Now he had a very unencumbered view and watching her ass was the only thing on his mind.

“Damn…” he said unintentionally out loud.

He heard her chuckle to herself.

Oh God help him.  She knew what she was doing, and it sent a shiver down his spine.  Never in his wildest dreams did he ever think in his late fifties he’d be with Olivia, openly loving her, let alone be having the best sex of his life with her all over his apartment.

He had gotten an amazing view of her when she let him undress her earlier, and then when she was naked and wet laying in his bed, ready and wanting him… but now with the lights on, and her walking away, he could really appreciate what she looked like.

And boy was he going to.

“You ok over there?” She said smirking and then she turned her head slightly over her shoulder to just take a peek at his face as she opened the refrigerator door.

His eyes were cascading up and down her bare form, and he was biting his own bottom lip as he gripped the back of the couch to pull himself up and get a better look.

“You know it use to drive me out of my mind watching you walk… I used to imagine what you’d look like naked…” he said his voice laced with want thinking about the old days, “and I have a good imagination but… damn Liv… this… you… us… it’s better than anything… ever.  Real or imagined.” he said, his lips curling into a smile as his eyes continued looking her up and down.

“You are so fucking sexy Liv… I just can’t stop looking at you…”

Liv felt her cheeks flush, and her core started to throb a little hearing him talk about her with so much blatant desire.

She would never stop being surprised by how much he wanted her though.  And how much he had wanted her then too.

She loved how he made her feel sexy and soft… it made her want to do things she never had any interest in before.  There wasn’t anything she wouldn’t be up to trying with him.

She hummed happily to herself as she pulled out a glass container of what looked like iced tea, setting it on the counter next to the fridge.

“You know… you could do more than just look…” she said knowing it was all she needed to say.

She moved to grab a glass from the cupboard and heard El stand up from the couch and pad his way barefoot to the kitchen.  She put some ice in her glass from the dispenser, and felt Elliot come up behind her.

He snaked his arms around her waist pulling her up against him.  He leaned his head down and kiss the skin on the top of her shoulder.  She let her head lean into his as he lightly sucked on her skin.  She could feel the heat of him up against her, his warm hands gripping her, his growing erection nestled against her backside.

Her head was starting to spin with his slow appreciation of her body, and she swayed a little in his arms before she turned herself around to face him, wrapping her arms around his neck, her glass of ice still in her hand.

“Hi...” he said, smiling softly, his eyes heavy with desire.

“Hi…” she answered back, her own smile sliding across her face.  They seemed to be locked into each other’s gaze as they stood there, wrapped up in each other.

“I thought you were thirsty.  That’s why you left me all worked up over there on the couch alone.” He said with a little smirk on his face.

Liv arched an eyebrow at him, and then grabbed an ice cube out of her glass and brought it to her lips, parted them, and let it slowly slip into her mouth.

She was teasing him.

And it was working.

Elliot’s breathing quickened watching her move the ice cube around in her mouth before he heard the crunching of it on her teeth.  A not so innocent smile slipped over her lips.

He took a deep breath in and tried to slow his heart rate down.  Two could play at this game he thought.

He reached up and pulled her hand with her glass in it down and took and ice cube out of it, placing it lightly to her lips.  He felt her suck in her own breath a little as he let it melt a little to soothe her swollen lips, and then popped it into his mouth and started to crunch it.  A cocky little grin curved his lips up.

She took another out, placed it in her mouth, and then brought her lips to his, letting it melt between their open mouths.  His cock twitched between them, and he felt like his skin was on fire.  The ice had melted quickly, and their tongues had found each other.  God she was good, but he had one more idea up his sleeve before he just couldn’t take it anymore.

He pulled back from her, but kept his face close to hers, his eyes locked on hers.  He took another ice cube, and moved in on her, pushing her up against the fridge, invading all her space, surrounding her and she sucked in a sharp breath feeling the cool steel of the fridge door against her bare skin.

He put the ice cube in his mouth and kissed her lips lightly and began to move down her jaw and over her neck, letting it slowly melt on the heat of her skin.  Her breathing picked up, and he heard her moan a little, as he moved the ice with is lips over her collar bone and down between her breasts.

The sound of her ragged breath started to fill his silent apartment.  She let out a low long moan when he moved over the swell of her breast and down to her nipple, pulling it in his mouth with the last of the melting ice.  She gripped his shoulder needing to steady herself because he was slowly sucking her consciousness out of her.

“Ooohhh El…” she mewled, and her hand moved to the back of his neck, needing to keep his lips connected to her because it just felt so good.

He sucked a little harder, flicking her nipple with is tongue and then nipped a little with his teeth.

The sound that came out of her as her nails dug into his skin was his last straw.  He quickly released her nipple from his mouth and moved back up his arms wrapping around her like a vise and hauled her up onto the kitchen island.

She set the glass down somewhere next to her, too wrapped up in Elliot to really care where it was.  She needed to get both her hands on him now and flung them around his neck.

His lips were back on her in a flash, sucking and biting her lips as they both fought for what they wanted.  He moved his right and over her breast, playing with her nipple again, which elicited a throaty moan caught between them that made his spine tingle.

His other hand moved up from around her waist and fisted in her hair, and he tugged gently to move her head so he could taste her skin where he wanted.  He felt her grip his shoulder tighter and another sharp moan escaped her.  He noticed the little moan that she had let out earlier when he tugged gently on her hair, and this was definitely something he wanted to explore more with her, but right now he had other ideas in mind.

His lips trailed over her jaw, and under her ear, and down her neck.  He let go of her hair and moved both of his hands down to her hips and out to her knees.  His lips moved down over her breasts again, lavishing attention on both before he moved lower over her stomach, and he felt her quiver.

She let go of the tight grip she had on him and leaned back on her palms as he spread her legs wider.

Elliot nipped at her hip bone before looking up at her before he continued his path.  Her eyes were swirling with the same dark desire he saw in them before their first time, except now he saw the anticipation of what she knew would come.  All the want, all the desire and knowledge of just how good this was between them.

It was unlike anything he’d ever experienced.

He swallowed hard and tore his eyes away from her as he looked between her legs and let out a completely satisfied breath.

God she was so wet and ready for him, and he had barely even done anything yet.

He could feel the heat coming off her body, and the smell of her arousal for him was intoxicating.  He licked his lips and brought his mouth inches from where he knew they both wanted him.  He lightly brushed his lips over her inner thigh, and slowly sucked her skin in his mouth.

“El please…” she begged, her voice already high and breathy.  She brought one of her hands to the back of his head, and he smiled to himself.  He loved how much she reacted to him.  It was a source of great pride for him that he could bring her so much pleasure, and that she wanted everything he had to offer.

Not wanting to make her wait anymore, he moved his hands from her knees and scooted her ass a little closer to the edge of the island and she leaned back on her palms again.

He lightly brushed his tongue over her core, and her head fell back with a low moan.  He moved his tongue again over her, and this time circled her a little before flattening his tongue and moving it up her opening, getting his first full taste of her.

“Ooohhhhh yes baby…” she said, and he felt that shoot through him all the way down to the base of his spin and straight into the tip of his cock.

He felt his knees twinge a little too.  He needed a better angle so he could fully go down on her the way he wanted to.

“Hang on baby, I’m gonna move you ok.” He said and she nodded unable to form words, her mind so saturated  and focused on him and what he was going to do.

So, he quickly stood up, and gripped her legs, swinging them up and over on to island so she was now long ways on it.  He planted her feet down on the counter.

She leaned back on her elbows as he smoothed his hands over her knees and to her hips, his forearms resting on her inner thighs.  This was better, he could now stand and lean over her, his hands freer to move over her, his knees no longer hurting.

He wasted no time bringing himself back to her, and she moaned loudly as he pulled her clit into his mouth and sucked.

“Oh Elliot… hmmm…” she moaned.  “So good…” she whispered as her eyes slipped shut and he felt her hips rock into him.  He took his time, alternated between sucking and swirling listening to her moan his name in pleasure.

He let his hands roam over her breasts and then moved them down under her legs to grip her hips.  She was arching and moved more and more as he continued to bring her closer to orgasm.

He hummed this time, letting the vibration of his voice smooth over her and she jerked and gripped the edge of the counter.

“Oh fuck El… yessss yess…” she said through heavy breaths.  “Don’t stop… I’m so close baby…” she begged.  He had no plans to do anything of the sort.  God, she tasted so good.  It was strange and yet not strange at all that he was so into the taste of her… everywhere.  It wasn’t like he hadn’t done this before, but with Kathy it was just… something he didn’t do very much.  And it wasn’t bad, but she didn’t seem to have quite as much of a reaction to it.  He wondered if maybe he wasn’t very good at it, or maybe it just wasn’t her thing.

But Liv…

Her reaction to even just the slightest touch of his to her skin was amazing.  She reacted positively to everything he did to her.  She was vocal, and assuring… loving and sweet, but there was also part of her that he seemed to unleash.  A darker side, a sexy dangerous side he saw in her eyes.  Like there wasn’t anything she wouldn’t do with him.

And every single inch of her was intoxicating.  She was beautiful and sinfully sexy.  He was so turned on by her… she stirred things inside him he had never shared with anyone.  He had never felt the animal inside the way he did with her.  The way he wanted to bury himself in her over and over again, unrelenting and taking what he wanted and at the same time he wanted to love her slowly… to savor every second…

She was just… everything.  And everything was better with her.  How he ever thought he could spend his life without her… he’d never know. 

He moved his right hand around over her and pulled his mouth from her for a second to spread her open just to see her beautiful swollen clit before he brought his mouth back down on her.  He released the grip of his other arm on her and slid two fingers inside her and started to slowly curve them up.

She yelped and he felt his ego swell and his cock ache.  He knew exactly where her g-spot was, but he wanted to build her orgasm, bring her to the brink and hold her there, before sending her over.

He started to slide his fingers out and in through her wet hot walls, feeling her grip them and then curve them up more getting closer and closer to those two little ridges while he kept lavishing her core with his mouth.

“Ohh yessss… right there El… right there…” she said, her voice high as she squeaked out her praise.

“Oh fuck I’m gonna come… I’m gonna come!” and he pushed his fingers into her a little harder, curling his fingers up and right into her g-spot applying the perfect amount of pressure.

And that was all it took to send her over the edge.

She screamed and came hard around his fingers.  He felt her body start shaking and he continued his motions with his fingers and tongue and mouth, riding out her orgasm, wanting to make sure she was fully satisfied.

And she just kept coming.  He steeled his focus on her and tasting everything she had to offer otherwise he was going to lose himself before he was inside her.  It was excruciating and just utterly amazing at the same time.

He slowed his movements as she started to come down, matching her breathing, and he felt her body start to go lax.  He kissed the inside of her thigh, as he removed his fingers.  He was covered in her and it was fucking sexy as hell.  He was going to have to really clean this island well before everyone came back home.

He looked up at her, her chest still rising and falling as she was trying still to catch her breath.  Her skin was glistening with a sheen of sweat over her.  And she was still whimpering a little to herself.

She looked blissful… and beautiful… and very satisfied.

Christ… he was so in love with her.

“So fucking good…” she whispered to herself mostly, and he couldn’t keep the smile from his face.

He slid his hands down her thighs, rubbing them lightly and rested his chin on one of her knees.  Once she had finally caught her breath, she opened her eyes and was met with the sparkling sea of blue she knew so well.  The same blue of her partner of twelve years… the blue of the man who she fell in love with so many years ago… the blue of the man who was so in love with her… the sparkling blue eyes of Elliot Stabler.

And they were looking at her.

Then she felt them again… the butterflies.