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Pink When I Turn Out the Light

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"Just keep scrolling, we have all of these."

"No, Patrick! Remember last week you wished we could both use Antonio at the same time?"

"Huh… yes, I remember, David. But I also remember our discussion from last month about only buying new sex toys unless we need to replace something broken."

"Fine. But that reminds me… I'm almost positive my favorite prostate massager doesn't buzz as hard as it used to. Might be time for a new one?"

"We'll see. Your expensive tastes carry over from clothes into toys and that big guy is not in our budget again yet."

"Don't you wink at me like that Mr. Numbers Guy. I know what that means… ooh tentacles! Stop scrolling!"

"Here?"

"Yes!"

"You're telling me - Mr. Black and White - you're telling me you want a bright pink… what is it again? You want a bright pink kraken tentacle to shove up your ass?"

"Uh… yeah."

"Ok, David."

"No, Patrick, you don't get to 'ok, David' me.  Seeing how you'd happily live life stuffed full of any cock, real or silicone, I'd think this would align perfectly with your tastes."

"But it's really big, David."

"That's the point? You've taken my cock and three fingers and you never hold back telling me how girthy I am."

"Ok, I never used the word girthy."

"But you've thought it."

"Yeah…"

"I knew it!"

"Ok, David…"

"..."

"Fine. My strong, dusky lover. My handsome hunk of man meat. My dominating dict-"

"If you want any dick at all, you'll stop right there. Don't give me those wide innocent eyes! I know the filthy thoughts you hide behind them."

"I'm not filthy, I'm amorously ingenious."

"Seriously? Ok, you've been hanging around my mother too much. Anyway. Are you interested in this fine website's offering of Neon Pink Ass Destroyer Realistic Silicone Kraken Anal Plug?"

"Ooh, say it again David. That was hot!"

"Fuck you, stop laughing, do you want to try it or not?"

"Oh absolutely, David. Add it to the cart and get some of the lube we like too. We're going to need it."

"Hmm… got it, anything else? Where are you going?"

"I'm going to need you to click buy, close that laptop and make your way over here with me. We've got a lot of practicing to do before that package comes."

"Ooh baby… I'll make that package come!"

"I'll take that as a promise, David!"