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Losing & Dealing 2

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Eunhyuk was the last person to see Heechul before his last. Donghae should be with him, the doctor let them say goodbye to Heechul by entering two at once, but Donghae can't handle it. He's crumbling outside crying, so Eunhyuk was all alone in this big ICU room. He saw Heechul, pale with who knows how much tube and cable connected to his body. And just a few minutes after he entered, just while he tried to collect his mind and tried to say something, Heechul took his last breath in front of him. Eunhyuk dropped to his knees and sobbing quietly.

Eunhyuk remembers when he walked out of Heechul room. It took him a long time to finally put himself together and face the members outside. Leeteuk was the first person he saw. Eunhyuk didn't dare to say anything, prefer to examine the floor.

"Hyuk?" Leeteuk ask

Eunhyuk can only shake his head but it was enough for everyone. Leeteuk wailed and kept calling Heechul name in Eunhyuk's hug. Everyone was crying, even Kyuhyun who always stay strong can be seen in tears. Everyone except Eunhyuk. He needed to stay strong, for Leeteuk and everyone.

The funeral went fast, or maybe Eunhyuk just can't remember how it went. He just remember it was dark after it. A very dark time consisted of trying to help everyone dealing with the loss of Heechul, thankfully with the help of Yesung and Shindong who's being strong, or pretend to be. Eunhyuk thought, and some members agree, Super Junior should continue. He asked Yesung first to do anything, release anything, and he agreed to release an album, followed by other members one by one. They shouldn't grieve for too long, at least not in fans eyes. That would be what Heechul want.

But then Leeteuk, whom Eunhyuk wishes will be the first to deal with and lead everyone just like usual, was unable to move on. Eunhyuk end up broke Leeteuk room's door to force him to eat after weeks he locked himself. When he thought Leeteuk can't lock himself from him, Leeteuk turn to alcohol in his attempt to shutting down himself from the world.

Eunhyuk tried to give Leeteuk some schedules to work on. Hoping that maybe work will make him forget for a while, or maybe meeting more people and fans will help, or whatever makes him stand on his feet again. But Leeteuk would appear on the set either hangover, still drunk, or worse not appear at all. Eunhyuk or any member available ended up taking over all the gigs. And Eunhyuk would always be the one called by the company, taking all the complaints about Leeteuk performance.

Eunhyuk just finished another schedule, supposed to be Leeteuk's, when he saw a few missed calls from Donghae on his phone. Eunhyuk asked him earlier to check on Leeteuk because just like usual, he's not coming again. Then he saw his manager frantically ran to him.

"What happened?" Eunhyuk asked.
"Leeteuk..."
"What?" Eunhyuk shocked. He tried to keep his composure.
"He tried to suicide. Donghae found him drown in the bathtub and there's an empty bottle of sleeping pills. What should we do? What should we say to media and fans?"

Eunhyuk frozen. He didn't know what to do nor expected this. He lost it. He just stand still, until his manager dragged him to the hospital. Shindong and Yesung ended up taking care of all, made up some stuff to assure fans. They sent him to rehabilitation and dealt with everything while Eunhyuk just went blank.

---- a year later ----

Eunhyuk comes out from Yesung's cafe after meeting with Leeteuk. He's a mess, he can no longer hold his tears. He drives away, not really taking attention and unconsciously arrive at Heechul's graveyard. He drops to his knees and crying.

Only now he let himself mourn.