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“Oh hello Cap” Pat grinned cheerfully as the Captain entered the room.  “We were just telling Thomas about our first times.” He gave a mischievous grin and nudged Julian with his elbow.  The Captain turned to look at Thomas whose face showed discomfort more than pleasure.

“Oh yes?  Jolly good.” The Captain took a seat next to Thomas on the sofa, their more modern counterparts seated opposite them on the chaise.  “First time at what?”

Everyone else rolled their eyes.

“No, Cap, first time first time, y’know, like doing it

“Good Lord.”  The Captain blushed hotly.  “Well I really don’t think that is an appropriate subject for discussion.  You should be ashamed of yourselves.”

“Oh get over yourself, you old windbag.” Julian replied. “We’re not hurting anyone.  Mine was in a phone box down the lane from my school.  Girl from the local village.  Fine bit of totty.  Pat’s was in a B&B in Bognor.”

“On my honeymoon,” Pat said proudly.

“Sadly I was never to know the pleasures of true intimacy,” Thomas said dramatically.  He lowered his voice.  “But there was a scullery maid who used to let me….”

The Captain rose to his feet.

“That’s quite enough thank you.  Perhaps Robin would be a more appropriate person for you to tell that too.”  He tucked his swagger stick under his arm and walked smartly through the wall.  The others watched him leave, staring at the blank wall for a moment.  They looked back at each other, unwilling to be the one to comment on the Captain’s behaviour.  There was a pregnant pause.

“So.” Julian asserted.  “This scullery maid…”