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Somebody to Lean On

Chapter Text

The Capitan changed into the clothes provided by the hospital with a heavy sigh. He had been checked into the psych ward by his sister after a drunken phone call on a night he was having particularly bad flashbacks. He sighed now fully sober as he was escorted to his room by a social worker named Allison. “Now your room is right up here. Tomorrow we will have group therapy with the other residents here. If you need anything from me or the other workers just call for us.” The Captain silently nodded as they arrived at the room. He walked in and Allison gave him a small smile before bidding him goodnight and walking away. He sighed and looked out of the window. It was around 2200 when he checked in, but he didn’t want to sleep. He spent the entire night looking out of the window.
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The next morning Allison knocked on his door and smiled at him. “I was just coming to wake you up but you are already awake. Breakfast will start soon why don’t you go out and meet the other residents?” She walked away leaving the Capitan to sigh. He stood up and stretched before walking out to see who else had landed in this hospital. As he entered the common room, he had to stop for a moment to take it all in. In one corner was two men playing with an makeshift chessboard that they had made from crayons and a sheet of paper being watched closely by an older woman who looked very displeased. Dancing in the center of the room was a younger girl who looked far to happy to be there and a woman with messy brown hair. Over by the window on the other side of the room a young man sat looking out of the window dramatically until Allison walked back into the room which caused him to immediately stand up and follow her around the room with a love-stricken smile. At the center table watching the girls dance was a happy looking man with round glasses and a big smile on his face.

The Capitan hesitantly walked into the room and was immediately spotted by one of the dancing girls. She excitedly ran over. “Oh hello! It’s so nice to meet you! I’m Kitty! Can we be friends?!” The Capitan stepped back slightly almost as if he was getting ready to fight. The man with the glasses immediately walked over noticing the Capitan’s discomfort. “Now Kitty remember we talked about approaching people gently?” He said softly placing a hand on her shoulder. She gasped and nodded. “Yes, yes I remember! I’m sorry I just get so terribly excited!” The Capitan relaxed a bit when Kitty seemed to have calmed down a bit. “Hello mate, I’m Pat. Pleasure to meet you. You’ve met Kitty of course, Over there is Mary. Those two chaps over there are Julian and Robin. Watching them is Fanny and the one sitting over there in the window is Thomas.” The Capitan cleared his throat. “Hello. You all may call me Capitan.” He said standing straight and walking past them to the table in the left corner of the room away from everyone. He didn’t particularly want to talk to anyone he just wanted to get this stay over with.
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After breakfast was the part of the day that the Capitan was dreading the most, group therapy. The residents at the hospital were all sat in a circle with Allison who was trying her best to get them to focus. “Alright guys we have a new resident today.” She said speaking loudly as to get everyone’s attention. Everyone quieted down and looked at her. Allison smiled at the Capitan “Why don’t you introduce yourself?” He frowned and stood up clearing his throat. “Hello everyone. You may call me The Captain.” He said looking around at the others in the group. Everyone looking at him made his heartbeat quickly however he had become an expert at pushing his emotions down. He straightened out his back and sat down folding his hands on his lap looking at Allison who did not look particularly pleased with his introduction but let it go as she spoke again. “Alright let’s start shall we.”

Everyone nodded “Alright then, Pat why don’t you start us off?” Pat nodded and took a breath. “Well, I wanted to talk today about my ex-wife Carol. She was the love of my life. I’ve been trying had to not blame myself for her leaving like you said Allison but it’s difficult. I just keep thinking that maybe if I had done something different that she would still love me. If I had spent more time catering to her needs, then maybe she would have loved me.” Pat began to get choked up. “Pat, what exactly could you have done differently if that were the case?” Allison asked Pat shrugged “I-I’m not sure. I made her dinner six nights a week. I cleaned the house. I could have given up the scouts b-but I love the scouts and maybe that’s selfish but I-I- “He began to cry. Allison placed a hand on his back. “Pat It’s not your fault.” She said. Pat nodded and took a deep breath wiping his tears away. “You did everything that you could.” Said Thomas from across the circle. Pat gave Thomas a small smile and took a breath. “Thank you.” He whispered. Allison nodded. “Let’s move on.” She said giving Pat an encouraging smile. “Capitan would you like to go?” The captain sighed. The honest answer to that question was no however, he knew that if he did not get this over with he would be here longer than he already had to.

He nodded sharply and sighed heavily. “I suppose I am here because of my dreams. I dream about the war, and it causes some…discomfort.” Julian squinted at him. “Do you mean flashbacks?” The captain scoffed. “I do not have flashbacks. I just…remember bad things vividly.” Julian chuckled and was given a look by Allison that caused him to quiet down. The captain continued. “In my dreams I am back in the trenches. Me and my squadron are advancing on the enemy. We were just about to claim the territory when Wilson…he…” The captain felt the words catch in his throat as the images flashed through his head. They were charging towards the opposing trench when it happened. Wilson had just joined; he was nineteen years old. Wilson forgot to watch for land mines and accidentally stepped wrong. The captain watched as it went off blowing not only Wilson but Thompson, Masters, Grimshaw, and Watson to hell. As it went off metal flew everywhere. A large piece of shrapnel lodged itself into the side of the captain’s leg as the force from the mine caused him to fly several feet to the right. The next thing that he remembers is waking up in the medical tent and being told that he was being honorably discharged from the military. He was brought back out of his thoughts by Allison who he just now noticed was kneeling in front of him, worry plastered on her face.

The captain looked at her and tried to regulate his breathing. His eyes began to roam the room as he noticed the wetness on his face. Sweat was covering his palms and the back of his neck and his heart was racing. Allison was trying to get him to respond but he stayed silent. It was like he was trapped in his own body unable to move or speak as he closed his eyes trying to think clearly. When he opened his eyes again, he had calmed down a bit. He was able to focus in on what Allison was saying. “Captain, breathe it’s alright. You are safe take a breath. Please respond can you hear me?” He nodded slowly. “Good, good. “Breathe for me captain. In…out…in…out. Yeah, there you go. In…out…” He matched his breathing to Allison’s words and eventually he calmed down. He wiped the sweat from his face with a paper napkin and cleared his throat standing up. “I apologize for my outburst. I do hope you all forgive me it was terribly unprofessional of me. Now, if you will excuse me.” He said walking back to his room quickly ignoring Allison’s calls. He sat on the bed and let himself slouch. “Maybe I do need to be here.” He said quietly to himself.

Chapter Text

The captain spent the rest of the day in his room. Allison came to check on him periodically throughout the day, but he simply did not feel like talking to people. When night fell, he decided to try to get some sleep. He laid down in his bed closing his eyes feeling himself drift to sleep. As he slept images of the war clouded his mind. They were raiding a small village after getting reliable information that the enemy was hiding out. He came across a house that needed cleared so he kicked the door down and rushed in with three other men. As they entered the house there was a man with a shotgun. The man pulled the trigger effectively shooting the young man to his right. Without thinking The Captain shot the man with the gun. As the man fell to the ground dead, behind him was a woman and a young boy cowering in the corner of the room. He had only been trying to protect his family. The captain froze as he looked at the sobbing woman and terrified child. He felt his chest tighten with severe guilt. He opened his mouth to apologize but he couldn’t speak. He just looked at the dead man on the ground. “Captain! Captain!” He looked to the soldier to his left calling him. The voice it sounded like…Pat? “Captain, wake up!” The captain shot up in his bed sweat pouring down his face. In his room was Pat who looked terribly worried. Kitty rushed in with Allison. “Captain, are you alright? I was walking to my room when I saw you. You were thrashing all around I thought you were having a seizure.” Pat said quietly.

The captain looked around the room regaining his bearings as his fast breathing slowed to a normal pace. He wiped his face with his sleeve and nodded. “I appreciate the concern, but I am quite alright. Now I would much appreciate it if I were left alone.” Pat looked at Allison who subtly motioned for him and Kitty to leave. Pat escorted Kitty out leaving just the captain and Allison. “Captain- “She was cut off by him. “Allison I am fine. You may leave. I do not need any help.” He said sharply. He was fine. He didn’t need help why could no one understand that?! Allison sighed. “Captain you can’t keep holding your feelings inside. It will only lead to more nightmares and worse mental health. Now, I’m going to give you space for now but remember, I am here to help you.” She said before walking out leaving him to his own devices.

The captain put his head in his hands and sighed heavily. He just wanted to stop thinking about the blasted war. He gets up out of bed and winces as pain shot up his leg. He limps over to the chair by the window of his room and looks outside at the night sky. The stars were always so calming to him. When he was a child, his mother used to lay out on the grass with him and his sister and name the constellations. He sighed forgetting about his worries for a moment before slipping into the most peaceful sleep he’d had in months with his head leaning against the cool glass.

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When he awoke it was to the sound of music in the common room. He groaned and stood up nearly falling down immediately. He let out a sharp yelp of pain as his leg. He braced himself against the wall for a moment before pushing himself back up and limping to the common room for breakfast. Everyone was mingling amongst themselves as he braced himself against the wall again to catch his breath. Robin who noticed that the captain was in pain simply walked over without saying a word and wrapped the captain’s arm around his shoulder and helped him over to the couch. The captain while very hesitant did not refuse the help. When he sat down, he looked at Robin slightly embarrassed that he needed help to walk. “T-Thank you.” He said quietly. Robin nodded and gave him a thumbs up before walking away.

The Captain sighed and put his head back closing his eyes as he took some deep breaths trying to get rid of the pain. He felt the couch next to him shift and he opened his eyes looking to his side. Allison was next to him holding a grey cane. “You didn’t tell us that you had mobility issues.” She said handing the cane to him. He took it reluctantly. “That is because I don’t.” He said scowling. “Captain you have to stop doing this.” She said disappointedly. “It’s not healthy to bottle yourself up like this. It is alright to ask for help captain. No one here will judge you. We all need a little help sometimes but that doesn’t make us weak. It makes us human.” She placed a hand on his back gently before standing up and walking to cater to the other residents.

The captain looked over at the others who were currently sat around a table participating in art therapy. He took a breath and stood up using the cane and slowly walked over taking an empty chair between Robin and Fanny. Allison smiled and handed him a sheet of blank paper and a box of crayons. He reached into the box and pulled out the green crayon beginning to draw an hour or so passed of drawing and mingling when the captain had finally finished his picture. It was a very nicely drawn picture of the night sky. Allison looked at it and smiled. “It’s beautiful Captain.” He gave her a small smile before standing up again wincing as he did so. She immediately reached out to help but the captain instinctively backed away from her. He stopped for a second before reluctantly taking her help and limping to the couch once more.

Allison smiled wide at the captain’s acceptance but did not say anything as she escorted him. She stood in front of everyone once he was situated and called for everyone’s attention. “Guys in a few minutes we will be getting a new resident. He is checking in now and should be down within the hour. Please be on your best behavior.” Everyone nodded before going back to their business. The captain had gotten an old World War II book from one of the nurses and was reading it when the new resident walked in. Kitty squealed in excitement causing him to jump a bit and look up at her. Pat was trying to keep her from running over to the new man in the room. The captain looked over and immediately dropped his book. He stared wide eyed at the man before letting himself speak. “Havers?!”

Chapter Text

William Havers was checked into the hospital on his own volition. He been feeling hopeless ever since he had left the army and on this particular morning, he punched his own reflection. As he looked down at his bleeding hand crying softly, he took a few breaths and decided that he needed some help. He walked to Button hospital and was sent to the psych ward. He changed into the hospital clothes and was escorted into the common room. He bit his lip and looked around the room before hearing a familiar voice. “Havers?!” He looked over and his mouth dropped open. “C-Captain!” He walked over to the sitting man with his eyes wide. He took a seat next to him with a big smile on his face. The captain starred at his former lieutenant in shock. “Forgive me for not standing to greet you. My leg is in a bit of a fit. What the bally hell are you doing here lieutenant?!” Havers’ smile faltered a bit when he noticed that the captain didn’t not smile back. He looked away from the captain’s eyes. Those eyes he thought. He could get lost so easily in those eyes. “Ah well, I have been having trouble ever since I left the front. It is difficult to adjust.” The captain nodded. “Yes, I am afraid that I am very familiar with that feeling as well.”

Havers placed a hand on the captains injured leg gently. He smiled softly and looked back into his eyes. The two men shared an intimate look before remembering that other people were in the room The captain quickly looked away as Havers pulled his hand away. Soon Kitty came over and began talking excitedly to Havers. The captain sighed and tried to chime into the conversation a few times but was always talked over by Kitty who did not realize how much she was actually talking. Allison came over. “Alright kitty you have been talking for a while. I think it might be good if we all gave him some space.” Kitty frowned and pouted. “How come the captain can stay?” She wined crossing her arms. Havers cleared his throat. “I would actually prefer if he stayed. We are good friends you see. From the war.” The captain frowned at the word friend before nodding. “Yes…friends” He said fidgeting with the skin of his hand. Allison nodded and escorted Kitty away. The men sat in a comfortable and familiar silence as the day turned to night.

As the common room emptied the two men remained on the couch. The captain looked at him and sighed. “Friends are we?” he asked quietly. Havers sighed. “Please don’t…. don’t do this. Not right now.” The captain rolled his eyes. “If not now then when, William?” he looked away. “You left me William, without a word. Did you honestly think we wouldn’t talk about it?” Havers put his head in his hands with a heavy sigh. “Cap-…Theodore I-…. I didn’t want to leave you, but I had to. It wasn’t my decision.” The captain shook his head. “You were the one who put in for a transfer. You didn’t /have/ to do anything. You could have stayed William. We could have been…been happy.” Havers shook his head. “Don’t you see? I left for you Theodore. If We had been caught there would have been consequences. “ The captain scoffed. “They overturned that law ages ago.” “Not the law…the other men…you weren’t around them much being a commanding officer but /I/ was Theodore. You should have heard the things that they said about…men like you. They would have lost respect for you. They would have lost their trust in you…I couldn’t risk your reputation on some…some fling that we had.”
The captain looked up shocked. “Fling?” He felt his heart shatter as Havers said that. “Is that what it was to you?” He asked the pain evident in his voice. “That’s all I ever was? A fling.” Havers sighed. “Theo I-“The captain cut him off. “Don’t…. don’t call me that…don’t you dare call me that…” By now the captain had tears streaming down his face. He stood up slowly refusing to meet William’s eyes. “Good night, Lieutenant.” He began to walk away before stopping and turning around. “Also please refer to me as Captain in the future.” He continued walking to his room and sat down on his bed. For the third night in a row he let himself fall into a fit of silent tears before drifting off to sleep praying that he wouldn’t have another flashback.

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The next day the captain awoke abruptly to another flashback. This time it had been about the man that he tried so hard to forget. He was sitting in his office at home base. His eyes rough from lack of sleep and his uniform slightly askew. Someone walked into the room causing him to turn around. “Ah W-Havers how may I help you?” He asked a smile forming on his lips. “Hello sir.” He saluted. “At ease lieutenant.” The man relaxed a little and closed the door. “I have some news sir. The fronts in Africa have requested more soldiers some of our troops who would like to transfer will be sent there. Here is the list of men who will be leaving.” The captain nodded and took the letter that was handed to him. “It will be effective immediately. The soldiers ship out this evening.” The lieutenant began to walk to the door. “Good evening, sir.” He said with a sorry look in his eye. He left the captain there wondering why Havers had looked so upset but then he read the note in his hands. Among a list of names there he was

Lt. William Havers (Transfer requested)

The captain felt his hands shake and his knees give out. He braced himself against the desk feeling tears drip down his face staring at the name of the man he so adored. How could he leave? Why is his leaving? Was it something he had said? Why? After everything that they had shared. All of the nights spent in his office exploring each other’s eyes. All of the quick kisses and touches when no one was around. Had that all meant nothing? As the troops shipped out the captain waved them off stiffly. When they were gone, he walked to his lonely bunk feeling his chest tighten and his hands shake. He sat on the bed took a deep breath swallowing his emotions. What’s done is done. Havers obviously never loved him therefore he must move on. He returns to his duties the next day as if nothing happened.

After waking up from his horrible flashback he shook his head wiping his face. “Move on Theodore. You need to move on.” He reprimanded himself dreading leaving his room to face his long-forgotten love.

Chapter Text

The captain slowly walked to the common room relying heavily on his cane for help. He took his spot on the couch and picked up his book from the previous day. He sat for a while before the others began to filter into the room. He had woken up very early this morning. He was reading when he felt the cushion next to him sink. He looked to his side and saw none other than William Havers looking at him with those damn beautiful eyes. The captain looked away from him and stood up with some difficulty. Havers had reached out to help him but the captain swatted his hand away. “I don’t need your help.” He said sharply as he began to walk across the room. This action did not go unnoticed by Allison who frowned deeply. She walked over to Havers and sat next to him. He had tears in his eyes, but he was trying to hide them. “Is everything alright?” She asked quietly. William just shook his head. “No.” he said quietly. “I’ve messed up. I have done something that I am not sure I will ever be able to fix.”

Allison looked at him and scrunched her face slightly in confusion. “Well, that might not necessarily be true. In my experience the mistakes we make can always be fixed weather the other person can see it in the moment or not. If you want to fix it try understanding the other persons point of view rather than trying to defend yourself or explain your side. Listen to how the other person is feeling and sympathize.” She said rubbing his back gently. Havers nodded slowly as if he was thinking of a plan. “I’d better give him some space for a few days before trying to speak with him again.” He said quietly. Allison nodded. “I think you are right.” She stood up and left the man to think things out on his own for a little while.

She walked over to the captain and gave him a small smile. “Everything alright captain?” He shrugged and kept his eyes on his book. She sat across from him at the table and gently reached out her hand. “Would you mind talking to me for a little bit?” She asked. He rolled his eyes. “Actually, yes I would mind. I know exactly what you’d like to talk to me about and I do not wish to talk about it. Now if you would please leave me alone so that I can read my book that would be much appreciated.” Allison sighed and stood up. “Well, if you ever want to talk about it I am here for you, Captain.” She said walking away.

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Throughout the next few days, the others began to notice the tension between the two men. The way that Havers would look pleadingly at the captain and how the captain would look back with sadness, disappointment, and anger all at once. Every time Havers sat near the captain he would get up and leave. During group therapy the captain had been refusing to talk aloud due to the words of encouragement that Havers would offer after his stories. Personal therapy with the men had been horrible for Allison. The captain had been angry and stiff in each one of his appointments refusing to share his feelings despite Allison’s best efforts. Havers shared his feelings however every time something about the war was brought up or his relationship with the captain was mentioned he avoided the question by changing the topic. Allison kept trying to mediate the men, but both were refusing the help.
One day while in his personal therapy session Allison had actually managed to get the captain to talk to her about his time in the war. He told her stories that made her feel sick. She wanted to cry hearing everything he had to say. As he was off on the tangent, he began to talk about Havers. He poured his emotions out like a dam breaking. All of those emotions that he had been holding inside for so many years just flowed out of him all at once. Allison realized how damaged the captain actually was. She spent the next few sessions trying to work him through his problems with the flashbacks and Havers, but soon he shut himself away again to cope. Allison knew what he was doing. He was scared to confront his emotions, so he repressed them. She kept trying to open him up through different means of therapy. Every time that she thought progress was being made, he would close himself back up and repress again.

Overall, the men had been civil to one another for a while until one morning when the captain had a particularly bad nightmare and was feeling particularly angry. Havers walked over taking a breath for courage before sitting next to the captain on the couch. “Theo please talk to me.” He said after a few seconds of silence. This sent the captain over the edge. “Do NOT call me that! You have been following me around all week trying to get me to talk to you despite the fact that I clearly don not want to talk to /you/! Leave me alone! I want nothing to do with you and I refuse to let you believe that I will ever forgive you! I will NEVER forgive you!” William reached out. “Please just-““NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!” He pushed Havers back and stood up quickly feeling a sharp tug in his leg causing him to cry out in pain and fall. As the nurses surrounded him trying to help him, he tried to get away from them. “STOP I DON’T NEED ANY BLOODY HELP! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!” He stood up using the wall and grabbed his cane from the couch. He gave one final look at William. “I hate you.” He said quieter before walking to his room where he remained for the rest of the day leaving William there to do nothing but let the tears stream down his face.

Allison went to console Havers thinking that the captain probably needed some time to cool off however Kitty immediately went to see if the captain was upset with her too. She knew that he was a grumpy man, but she had never seen him shout like that. It scared her. It reminded her of when her stepfather used to get upset with her. She shook a little as she walked into the captain’s room. “Kitty please I am really not in the mood to-““A-Are you mad at me?” she asked as tears formed in the corner of her eyes. The captain looked up shocked all of the anger slowly melted away from him and he felt a pang in his chest. “Kitty no of course not.” He said softly. “Come here.” He patted the place next to him on the bed. She hesitantly walked over looking at him like he might hurt her. This made the captains stomach turn. The notion that he would ever hurt this poor innocent girl made him sick. “Kitty I’m not mad at you. I got angry at Havers and I lost my temper. I should not have shouted, and I am very sorry if my shouting upset you.” She nodded wiping her eyes. “Can I have a hug?” She asked quietly. He nodded and held his arms open as she plunged herself into his chest. It was the first hug he’s had in years, and it felt…nice. He smiled slightly feeling his tension melt away. When she pulled away, she smiled at him. “Can we play a game later Captain?” He nodded and she giggled as she left his room. When she was gone, he just sighed and put his head in his hands. He needed to talk to William.

Chapter Text

The captain got out of bed reluctantly. It had been two days since his little blow up. He walked into the common room his leg throbbing as he did so. He swears it feels worse every day. He took his usual seat waiting for everyone to wake up. The captain always awoke before the rest of the residents. The only one that was usually up this early in the morning was walking through the door right now. Havers sat on the other side of the room as he had been since the incident. The captain sighed and stood up. He walked over and took a seat next to William looking straight ahead. William looked at the captain but did not dare speak first. The captain took a deep breath. “Why?” He asked quietly. “Why didn’t you say anything before you left? You could have said something. Said that you were sorry or that you hated me or something. Instead, you just left me. I spent five years trying to convince myself that you didn’t request that transfer. That maybe there was still hope that some part of you loved me…. but as soon as I gave up you came back. You owe me an answer and I want it now.”

Havers sat for a second with his mouth slightly agape before looking down. “Th-Captain I-I didn’t want to leave you. I did put in the transfer, but I did it to protect you. There were…rumors of our relationship. I heard the other men talking about it one night while doing my rounds. The things they said were just…. They were planning to falsely report you to get you discharged. They said that if it were true, they’d…. that they would…They said that they would kill you. They said that if you had ‘corrupted me’ they would make sure you’d never do it to another man by shooting you dead and making it look like an accident. Theo, I left without a word because if I had said something they would have found out and you would have been hurt. I couldn’t risk seeing you hurt. I love you and I always have but I had to leave so that you were safe. It seems I did a lousy job though. It seems I’ve hurt you far more than they ever could have, and I will never forgive myself for making you feel this way. “By the end William was crying with his head down.

The captain sat in shock tears rolling down his face. “Havers…William…Why did you call it a fling?” Havers chuckled. “Because I’m an idiot who thought that there was no way you still had any feelings for me. I’m sorry I called it that and it is alright if you don’t have feelings for me, but you deserve the truth Theo. I never went a day without thinking about you. I love you so much.” The captain gently placed a hand on his knee causing William to look up at him. “William I-…I- forgive you.” He said quietly. “But I am not ready to be in a relationship with you at the moment. You hurt me William, quite a lot actually. I still haven’t quite gotten over it but I am willing to…to be you friend…for now. That might change in the future; however, friendship is all I am able to offer you at the moment.” Havers quickly pulled the captain into a tight hug. “Friends is good enough for me.” He buried his head into William’s shoulder and hugged back. The two sat in the embrace for several minutes until Julian walked in. “Oh finally the two of you made up. I was telling Robin that you just need to shag and get it over with. Looks like I was right.”

The captain pulled away giving Julian a disappointed look. “For your information we did not /shag/ as you so eloquently call it. We are simply friends for the time being.” Julian threw his hands up. “Oh for fucks sake.” He rolled his eyes sitting down. The captain chose to ignore him looking at Havers who was smiling at him with a huge grin. “Would you like to join me for breakfast? We have quite a lot to catch up on.” The captain nodded and smiled at him. The pair sat and talked for hours. They talked about the captain’s family and how his little sister had a baby. They also talked about Havers family. “You have a what?!” The captain asked in shock. “A son yes I know. Very surprising.” The captain looked perplexed. “H-How…I mean when did you-…” “After I left the army…after I left you…I tried to push my emotions away. I hid how I felt from everyone and tried to convince myself that what we had wasn’t real. A year after being back I met this girl at a pub and well, being emotionally unstable I rushed into things with her…We um…slept together and nine months later little Theodore was born.” The captain gasped. “Y-You…” Havers nodded. “I did…I call him Teddy but yes…I named him after you.”

The captain smiled and placed his hand on top of Havers’ hand. “I’m very honored. I would love to meet him someday.” Havers smiled wide. “He is the sweetest boy. His mother left us when he was born. He’s five years old. Staying with my mother until I get out of here. His mother wasn’t fond of the fact that he has cerebral palsy. The doctors said that he might never walk when he was born but he gets around with crutches. I’m proud of him every day. He is a wonderful boy. Always smiling and making jokes. He keeps me going…he really does.” The captain felt tears in his eyes that he quickly wiped away. “He sounds absolutely amazing. “Havers nodded and smiled thinking about his son. “I’m here for him. I can’t let him grow up without a father. I love him. I am getting better for him.” The captain nodded and rubbed his back. “You are a fantastic father, William.” Havers smiled up at the captain. “With my phone call today I’m going to call and ask my mother if he can visit me. We are allowed one visit a week, right?” The captain nodded. “I miss him so much I can’t wait to see him.” The captain smiled wide. “I can’t wait to meet him.”

Before they knew it night came. They bid each other and went to their rooms for sleep. The captain sat on his bed with a small smile on his face. This was the happiest he had been in years. He looked out at the stars and took a breath before laying his head down. He drifted to sleep and for the first time in months he had no nightmares.

Chapter Text

A few days passed since the captain and William had made up. They were sitting side by side on the couch talking about history when Allison came in. “Hello William, you have a visitor!” She said excitedly. Into the room walked a young boy with leg braces and forearm crutches. He had orange hair and an absolutely radiant smile. Havers stood up quickly and sped over to him giving him a big hug and lifting him off the ground. The little boy giggled as he was lifted off the ground and kisses were placed on his cheek and forehead. “Oh, I missed you so much buddy!” William said slowly lowering him back to the ground. “I missed you too daddy!” he said smiling up at his father with a smile. Havers kissed his son on the head and ruffled his hair. “Come her there is someone I want to introduce you to.” He slowly walked over to the couch where the captain was sitting. The captain was smiling fondly as the two walked over.

The young boy sat on the couch next to the captain and Havers pulled up a chair across from them. “Teddy, this is my friend Captain Theodore Higgins.” The boy gasped and bounced a bit in his seat. “That’s my name too!” He said looking at the captain. The captain nodded. “Yes, it is. We have the same name. I am personally very happy to share a name with someone who is as cool as you are.” Teddy giggled and nodded. “Are you from the army like my dad?” The captain nodded “I am yes. Me and your dad were in the army together.” Havers nodded as well. “We were best friends when we were in the army. “Teddy looked up at the captain. “Want to play a game? I wanna play tic tac toe!” The captain let out a chuckle. “Sure, we can play.” He got a piece of paper and a crayon from Allison and began playing with Teddy, letting him win almost every game.

As they were playing Teddy was going on about what it was like staying with his grandmother. “Grandma is super cool. She makes brownies all of the time and she lets me help. Yesterday we made some and she let me lick the bowl it was so much fun. She lets me stay up past my bedtime sometimes too! I stayed up ‘till 2230!” Havers smiled but pretended to be shocked. “You stayed up so late! I’ll have to give your grandma a talking to when I get out!” Teddy giggled and made a move on the game that he and the captain were currently playing winning his fifth game in a row. “You are really good at this game. Always one step ahead of me. You’re a very clever young man.” Teddy giggled and thanked the captain before gasping. “Wait! Daddy! This is the man on your bed side table!” The five-year-old looked up at the captain in awe.

William blushed and cleared his throat. “Um…yes…yes he is…” The captain looked over at the red-faced man who wouldn’t meet his eyeline. “Do you keep a picture of me?” Havers nodded. “Yes, I do. It is the picture of us from when we were first deployed. We were still in Button House I believe.” The captain smiled slightly. He knew which picture Havers was referring to because he also still had it. The picture was inside of his journal which was inside of his own bed side table. “Ah…Well it is a wonderful picture.” The young boy nodded and got excited. “Daddy told me all sorts of cool stories about you! He said that you are a real-life hero!” It was the captains turn to blush as his eyes met William’s. He smiled and chuckled. “Well, those are very kind words. Your father was an exceptional soldier as well. He is also a hero. “The boy looked at his father with the largest smile that the captain had ever seen. “Daddy is totally a hero!” Havers placed a hand on his son’s shoulder and smiled. The captain watched to two with a very fond smile permanently on his face.

After a short while of talking Teddy let out a long yawn and placed his head on the captains shoulder. The captain was started by the sudden contact and his head snapped down to look at the young boy with wide eyes. Havers was about to say something but the captain put his hand up slightly to stop hm. “It is fine.” He said quietly as to not disturb the boy who was beginning to drift off a bit. Teddy talked to his father, speech getting slower and slower until he fell into a light sleep leaning on the captain for support. After around five minutes of sleep, he woke up and rubbed his eyes a little bit. He looked up at the captain and smiled slightly before holding his arms out to his father. Havers pulled the small boy onto his lap and put his arms around him in a big hug. “Are you tired buddy?” The boy nodded pushing his face further into William’s chest. “Alright well I do think your visitation time is up anyway so let's get you back to grandma. I’ll walk with you to the door.” The boy nodded and grabbed his crutches from the sofa standing up. “Can Mr.Theo come with us?” Havers smiled with a chuckle. “If he would like to yes.

The captain smiled and stood up using his cane. “I would love to join you.” Teddy gasped and looked at the captain’s cane. “Look daddy he has help walking just like me! That’s so cool! We are like twins!” The captains heart felt light as he heard the excitement in the boy’s voice. “We are so similar. We could absolutely be twins.” The boy laughed and the trio began walking to the door. When it was time to leave William gave Teddy a big hug and kissed him on the head. “I’ll see you next week yeah?” The boy nodded happily. He then turned to the captain and wrapped his arms around the man’s legs. The captains’ eyes widened, and he hesitantly reciprocated the hug. “Bye bye Mr.Theo. See you next week. I love you daddy bye bye!” He walked out leaving the two men smiling at each other. “He likes you.” William said before sitting down on the couch again.

Then captain took a seat next to him and let out a contented hum. “He is an absolutely wonderful boy. You should be so very proud of him.” Havers smiled “I am proud of him. He is incredible. I love him more than anything in this world.” The captain placed his hand on top of William’s and looked into his eyes. “You are an incredible father Will.” Havers blushed a bit and looked back. “Thank you, Theo., It means so much to me that you like him.” They sat looking into each other’s eyes for a second before the captain pulled his hand back and sighed. “Well, we best be off to bed. Goodnight Will.” “Goodnight, Theo.” They both walked back to their rooms. The captain sat on his bed an looked out of the window with a large smile. He had a good dream that night. Him, Havers, and Teddy were all together living a wonderfully domestic life as a family. When he woke up the next morning he was still smiling slightly. He thought to himself. ‘Give it time Theodore. Just give it some time.’

Chapter Text

The Captain and William had grown closer over the next few days. They were beginning to be inseparable as they were when they were in the Army. The other residents had noticed that Havers and The captain had feelings for each other but none of them said anything, not wanting to push the captain to do anything he wasn’t comfortable with. Julian excluded from the whole ‘not saying anything’ brought up how they should just shag and get it over with almost every day. Every time the men had the same response. They would simply roll their eyes and blush a bit. The other residents would pull him away from the pair or give him a stern scolding in Fanny’s case.

One day while the two men were talking Kitty came over and sat with them. The young girl began to talk excitedly about her favorite boy band which was currently One Direction. The captain listened to her with a small smile playing at his lips. Throughout his time here Kitty had become almost a younger sister figure to him. He cared for the younger girl a great deal and wanted nothing more to see her happy. Havers talked with her about the band for a small while before the captain admitted that he did not know who they were. Kitty gasped and ran over to Allison begging her to play one direction for the captain. Eventually she submitted and brought over a small speaker and began quietly playing ‘Best Song Ever’ by them.

The captain wasn’t too impressed by the band’s music but he, yet he still smiled as Kitty sang and danced along with the music. “Aren’t they wonderful captain?” she said with a big smile. He nodded. “They are quite good.” He said looking at Havers who was nodding. “My son Teddy enjoys this band a lot. You two would get along very well.” Kitty smiled brightly. “Oh, how wonderful!” She looked at the captain and sat forward in her chair almost as if she was going to hug him, but she stopped before pulling back. “Captain may I have a hug please?” She asked. He chuckled and nodded. “You may. I thank you for asking me first.” Kitty giggled and gave the captain a huge hug burying her head into his shoulder. The captain hugged her back and smiled looking at William who was giving him a large grin. When Kitty pulled away, she ran away to go talk to Mary and Pat.

William looked at him with a large smile. “She really enjoys being with you.” He spoke. The captain nodded with a warm smile looking over to Kitty. “She is a good girl. She’s been through a lot. The least I can do is make her smile for a few minutes.” He said sighing a bit. Havers bit his lip and looked at her. “You know I still don’t know why she is in here.” He said quietly. The captain looked at Havers and then down at the table. “Her father…she is in here because of him. She told us during group. After her mother died, he favored her sister. He neglected and abused her to the point where she blocks out the trauma by either avoiding it or regressing back to the personality of a child like state. However, there are times when she feels it. At those times it is very hard to see her in such a state, so I try my hardest to make her smile in between those moments.” Havers reached over and grabbed the captains hand giving it a small squeeze. “You are a good man Theo.” The captain smiled at him and took a deep breath looking into his eyes.

William looked back and for a moment he thought that maybe, just maybe, Theo was ready to love him again. The moment quickly left as Theo pulled his hand away and looked back over to Kitty before clearing his throat. “Let us go over to the others. It is movie night, wouldn’t want to miss it after all.” He stood up and walked over to the other side of the room using his cane. William sighed and followed him taking a seat next to him. “Alright everyone let’s get started, shall we?” said Allison with a big smile. “Let’s see who’s turn is it tonight?” she looked at the laminated paper on the wall held up by tape. “It is……Thomas’ turn!” Julian, Robin, and the Captain all let out a noise of disapproval. “Oh, come on do we have to watch the notebook again?” Julian groaned throwing his head back against the couch cushion in protest. Thomas crossed his arms and scoffed. “If you don’t want to watch it then you can get lost.” He said angrily. Julian looked at him. “No, I’m going to watch it and complain the entire time just to piss you off, asshat.” Thomas gasped. “You…You are a flesh-monger, a fool and a coward.” Julian let out a loud laugh. “What the fuck does that even mean?” Allison clapped her hands together to get their attention. “Now that is enough. Both of you take a moment to calm down and then apologize to each other.” She said sternly looking at both men who were now pouting.

“Why should I have to apologize?! He started it!” Thomas said glaring at Julian. “I didn’t start it. You and your horrible movie taste started it.” Julian said. Allison spoke up again. “I don’t care who started it. I am finishing it. Now apologize to each other. Now.” Thomas huffed and looked at Julian. “Sorry” he said begrudgingly. Julian muttered an inaudible apology back earning an angry look from Allison before he groaned and apologized properly. “Sorry.” He said louder crossing his arms earning a pat on the back from Robin. Allison put on the movie and the entire room went quiet for a while as it played. By the end of the movie Julian had fallen asleep with his head on Robin’s shoulder. Fanny had walked back to her room muttering something about the movie being distasteful. Kitty, Mary, Pat, and Thomas were crying. The captain and Havers had long lost interest in the movie and moved to the captain’s room. The men were chatting and laughing. “Do you remember when Thompson stood up to quickly in the bunker and hit his head on the shelf knocking down the rations?” Havers laughed as the captain nodded laughing as well. “It all fell right on top of Stevens.” They laughed for a few moments before their laughs died down and they were left sitting quietly looking at each other. Havers looked into the captain’s eyes and saw it again. That look, it was like they were the only two in the entire universe. As if time itself had dissipated into nothing as they sat just looking at one another. The Captain slowly leaned in as the gap between the men closed. Havers was surprised for a moment before he kissed back placing his hand on the captain’s cheek gently.

The kiss lasted several moments before the captain pulled away quickly. “I’m sorry.” He said getting up to walk across the room wincing as his leg ached. “I shouldn’t have done that. God I can’t believe I did that.” Havers stood up. “Theo…It’s alright I didn’t mind.” The captain turned to him refusing to meet his eyes. Tears rolling down his face. “I minded William…I-I don’t know if I’m ready. I want to be with you Will, I do but I just…I’m afraid…I’m afraid that you’ll leave me again. Will, I can’t go through that again…Please I just…I can’t risk being hurt like that once more.” Havers took a small step toward him. “Theo, I won’t ever leave you. I love you.” The captain looked up finally meeting his eyes. “That is what you said the first time William.” Silence fell over the room as the two men stood merely feet apart yet looked so distant from each other.

William opened his mouth to speak but no words came. He knew that nothing he would say could make it any better. He had hurt the captain far too much to repair the damage. “Theo I-…I know that I can’t say to make this better but I-…I love you. I really do. I did the wrong thing leaving you alone and nothing I do will ever make up for it but…I will never make that mistake again. I love you so much Theo.” The captain looked at him searching. Searching for something, anything, that would tell him that William was lying. That he could tell him to leave and never talk to him again. That the captain could just move on and forget the entire ordeal entirely, but he found no such thing. William was telling the truth. The captain stepped forward hesitantly, tears still falling down his face. “Will I-…I love you too. I never stopped. Just promise me…Promise next time you plan to leave just tell me.” He whispered. Havers placed his hand on The captains face and gently wiped away his tears. “I will never leave you again, my love.”

Chapter Text

The captain and William had gotten back together. Everyone had noticed even though nothing was said. Allison had noticed changes in both men over the past few days that they had rekindled their love. Havers seemed like a burden was lifted. He talked as if he was no longer haunted by his past actions. The two of them would sit together and talk for hours. Kitty, Mary, and Pat joined them occasionally as they talked about whatever Kitty was obsessed with at the moment. Today it just happened to be Halloween quickly approaching. “I’m so excited for the Halloween party! Allison told me that we are going to be able to draw what our costumes would have been, and she will try to make them for us!” Mary smiled wide. “That sounds likes fun.” Pat nodded. “Yeah, can’t wait!” The captain discreetly reached under the table and grabbed William’s hand as they talked with the others, earning a wonderful smile from Havers.

As the day went on the two men sat side by side holding hands under the table, while reading quietly. Fanny came over and sat with them causing the two to look up. The captain and Fanny had become good friends in his stay but ever since he and Havers began their relationship she had distanced herself from him. It had caused the captain a little bit of worry however he had yet to address it. She stayed silent for a second before speaking. “I’m sure you have noticed that I have kept away from you for a little while. I wanted to tell you…While I do not agree with your…relationship…I will try my best to get over my feelings for you captain. I do still have the upmost respect for you and I would like to be more accepting however it will be very difficult for me given my husband…I just ask that you to work with me as I try to become more understanding.”

The captain felt a swelling in his chest. He had known about Fanny’s issues with homosexuality and her husbands cheating. He smiled and reached across the table with his free hand placing it on hers gently. “Thank you, Fanny. I greatly appreciate your attempt to become more accepting of me and my relationship. I will try my hardest to help you on your journey.” They smiled gently at each other before she stiffly nodded and stood up. Before walking away, she looked at Havers with a glare. “If you decide to pull another stunt like the one you did in the Army, I promise you that I will make you regret it. Good day.” She walked back to her spot in the corner of the room picking up a mystery novel.

The captain chuckled and Havers cleared his throat quietly before looking at The captain. “Did she just threaten to kill me?” He asked in a slightly higher register than his normal speaking voice. The captain let out a laugh. “I do believe that she did. It doesn’t matter though because you would never pull a stunt like that again…right?” He asked sounding slightly insecure but trying to hide it behind a stony exterior. Havers gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “I would never.” Havers looked into the captain’s eyes and smiled. “I love you Theo.” The captain smiled back. “I do believe that I love you too, Will.” He said quietly.

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Later that night everyone was gathered around listening to music for their weekly music night. They were currently listening to Thomas’ song choice which was ‘Aeroplane Over the Sea’ by Neutral Milk Hotel. The captain and Havers both severely disliked the song as did everyone else except for Thomas who sat looking out of the window with a dramatic look. When the song ended everyone breathed a sigh of relief. “Your music taste sucks.” Said Julian. Thomas simply rolled his eyes. “You just don’t understand the complexity of emotions the song expresses. “Kitty decided to chime in. “Thomas, your songs are always sssooooo depressing. Why don’t you like happy music?” “Happy music is dull. There is no emotion whatsoever.” Julian looked at Kitty. “It’s because he’s a pretentious twat.” Allison sighed and stopped the two from arguing as she started the next song.

Next was William’s choice as the song began to play the captain recognized it instantly. He looked at the man with a smile bigger than anyone has ever seen on his face. The song was ‘Can’t Help Falling in Love’ by Frank Sinatra. It was the song that he and Havers had their first kiss to back in the Army. They only had limited choices while in the war one of which was an old Frank Sinatra CD. The two had been listening to it out in the garden of Button House sitting away from everyone, hidden by the darkness of night. This song had come on and Havers stood and asked the captain to dance. As they danced, they looked into each other’s eyes slowly leaning closer until their lips met for the first time. The captain remembers it as if it were yesterday.

By the end of the song the captain was quietly singing along forgetting that they were not alone for a moment before composing himself yet still keeping Havers’ hand grasped in his own. Everyone was looking at him with a mix of shock and happiness. Allison gave him a small smile and thus ended music night. Everyone stood and walked to their rooms, however on the way Havers stopped into the captain’s room. When they arrived, he placed his hands on the shorter man’s hips and gave him a kiss. “I’ve been wanting to do that all day.” Havers whispers causing the captain to smile and place his head on the other’s shoulder. They stood there for a few minutes holding each other, the captain using Havers to hold himself upright. “Goodnight, Theo.” Havers said before giving him another gentle kiss. “Goodnight Will.” Havers walked him over to the bed before going to his own room leaving the captain to fall asleep with a smile plastered on his face.

Chapter Text

Halloween had finally arrived at the Hospital and Allison had delivered on her promise. Using no materials that could be seen as dangerous or triggering she had made each resident a Halloween costume. Kitty was dressed as none other than a cat dawning cardboard cat ears and a paper tail. The captain and havers had paper military hats on. Julian had a paper election badge taped to his shirt that Allison had made after getting the sarcastic answer ‘I’m going as a horny politician’ when she asked what he was going to be for Halloween. Robin had a cardboard astronaut’s helmet. Thomas had on a paper pirate hat and a hook hand made out of cardboard. Fanny who had refused to participate in the costume party had been given a pair of cat ears as well which were perched on her head as she sulked on the table in the corner.

All of the residents were chatting amongst themselves when Allison walked in with Teddy wo was dressed as batman. Havers dropped what he was doing and ran over to his son giving him a big hug and lifting him into his arms. The five-year-old giggled happily as his father lifted him off of the ground. William carried the small boy over to the captain who was smiling at him. “Mr. Theo!” The captain smiled at Teddy. “Batman how do you know my name?” The captain faked confusion. Teddy giggled and reached up to take off his mask. “It’s me!” The captain fake gasped. “Teddy you’re batman?!” Teddy laughed harder swinging his legs. “It’s a Halloween costume silly!” The captain nodded with a smile. “Ah I see. Well, it is a fantastic costume. You sure had me fooled.”

Teddy reached out wanting to be held by the captain but Havers wouldn’t let him. “Buddy, Theo can’t lift you up. He has a walking aid remember?” The boy nodded disappointedly. The captain put a hand on his shoulder. “How about we go over to the couch, and you can sit on my lap?” Teddy nodded enthusiastically. As they reached the couch and the captain sat down, Teddy was placed on his lap. The boy threw his arms around the captain’s neck giving him a hug. “I missed you Mr. Theo.” He said. The captain smiled and hugged him back. “I missed you too Teddy.” Havers sat next to the two and looked at them smiling. The captain looked at him and gave him a loving smile as Havers leaned over and pulled the two of them into a group hug.

Teddy laughed and snuggled into both men enjoying the hug. “My boys.” Havers whispered quietly. The captain smiled and took a deep breath relishing in the hug. Teddy pulled away causing the group hug to end. Kitty rushed over when she saw Teddy. “Hello! Do you want to dance with me?” She asked the boy who nodded vigorously. He stood up with his crutches and Kitty clapped her hands together. “Oh wonderful!” The two of them walked over to Pat and began to dace the song ‘Monster Mash’. William reached over and grabbed the captains hand giving it a gentle squeeze with a large smile. “He really loves you. During my phone call last night my mum said that he talks about you more than he talks about me when he comes home from his visits.” The captain smiled and looked over at Teddy. “He is an absolutely amazing boy, Will.”

Havers nodded. “He is also a very good judge of character. He has never liked any of my partners in the past even if I didn’t introduce them as my partner. He likes you and that speaks volumes.” He said. The captain looked at him with a large smile. William kissed his cheek gently causing the captain to blush bright red. “You are amazing.” William said quietly into his ear. “I love you” The captain responded William placed his arm around the captain’s shoulder and sat back leaning against him slightly. “I love you too.” Seeing the two men cuddling on the couch Teddy gasped and squealed a bit. “Daddy are you and Mr. Theo getting married?!”

Havers’ eyes widened and he sat up quickly. “We um no we aren’t getting um no.” He stuttered out a response as his face turned blood red. The captains face went red as well. He cleared his throat and looked away. Teddy made his way back to the men followed by a curious Kitty. “Is Mr.Theo going to be my new papa?” He asked. His big green eyes looking wide at the two men curiously. Kitty looked at the two men. “oh, that would be so wonderful!” The captain composed himself and held his arms out for Teddy who clambered up into his lap. “Me and your father are not getting married yet however, we are in a relationship. I love your father very much, but we are not ready to get married. Right now, we are just dating. Now as to weather you can call me papa that is entirely up to you and your father. If both of you are alright with it, I am as well but you have to talk to him about it.”

Teddy listened intently and nodded. He looked at his dad and smiled wide. “Daddy can I call Mr.Theo papa? I like him a whole lot. He’s so cool!” Havers simply nodded not trusting his own voice. He was blood red and looked like he was going to cry from happiness. The captain smiled wide as Teddy hugged him tightly. “Yay! Papa!” Kitty clapped happily “How sweet! You are the most beautiful family! I wish mine were as cute as yours!” The captain smiled up at Kitty. “Kitty, who says you aren’t part of our family?” He asked. Kitty gasped and looked at him with wide eyes. “Me?” she asked quietly. He nodded. “Yes Kitty, you are like a younger sister to me.” He said softly. She busted into happy tears and hugged Teddy and the captain. Havers smiled wide and admired the second group hug of the day letting a few happy tears fall down his face before quickly wiping them.

Later when Teddy left and the common room was empty, Havers and the captain remained sitting on the couch cuddling and reading a book together. The captain felt William’s chest rise and fall quickly as if he was crying. He looked up and sure enough Havers had tears rolling down his face. The captain’s smile fell, and he reached up placing a hand on William’s cheek. “My dear what is the matter?” He asked worriedly. Havers chuckled and shook his head. “I’m not sad Theo. I’m happy. I’m so damn happy.” He whispered kissing the captain softly on the lips. In that moment the captain finally felt that everything would be ok