You pull and you pull and you pull at the darkness, your mind cycling through eternity in your mind. There are times when you have wished for this, wished for the end that comes with the black but not like this, not now that you have found something to live for.
You want to live, to love again like you have never wanted it before. She is everything to you, life, death, heart, soul. All of it is hers and yet here you are, the end finally here when you have just found your beginning.
You scream and you shout but there is no one left to hear you, nothing left to grasp as you sink deeper and deeper into the pits of your own despair. This is it, this is the finale of your performance and you cannot help but want to keep going, to keep the act alive as you struggle to live, to breathe.
She is there, inches away from you and yet a lifetime apart. You want her, want what she has been to you in the long centuries. Even as you had imprisoned her, you knew that she would always be there, never far from thought.
You reach out, move as if to caress her skin but you do not. You grasp her heart instead, pull her into you until all that you can feel is her life in yours, her soul entwined in your own as she falls deeper and deeper into you.
The words are whispered into your mind. There is no sound, just an idea, a memory of a time long forgotten, only sensory memory left.
You curls into the familiarity of that presence, allow yourself to languish in cold warmth as you push yourself further and further into it. You should not do this, should not let yourself give in but you want and you want and you want.
Vice has never been something you have given thought to, not in this damned un-death that has plagued you since 1698 when fire ravaged the only home you have ever known at the time. It has never been something you have wanted to give name to and yet this, this is your vice, your folly. This is the despair you fall into when there is nothing left for you to hold on to.
You coddle the girl, give her everything she needs, everything she wants, and time after time she betrays you. You should destroy her for this, have destroyed others for it, but you cannot. There is nothing to be gained from her life but there is everything to be lost in her death.
It is unreasonable, unthinkable that you should be captured so by someone so weak, so small in the grander scheme and yet it fits. It makes your life, your vengeance, that much sweeter than it has ever been.
She wants and wants and wants and you give her all that she desires. This is how you have lived, save that one slip of a girl. Mortals are such fragile creatures and you can still remember the way she tasted on your tongue, the echoes of her voice as she begged for mercy, screamed for your darling girl as her end neared.
She is yours, shall be yours, she and you are one for ever. This is the truth you live by, the truth you cannot ever leave behind.
Love me love me love me.
Your mind screams at you in an eternal cycle, begging to be wanted, to be loved. Mother loves you, it whispers. Mother cares more than anything, more than anyone else.
You know this, you know that she cares, but there is someone else, will always be someone else. Time has been allowed to slip through your fingers, to fall away as your castles crumbled in the air before you. You have lost everything and so you lose everything in her even as you wish to leave, to escape from her grasp.
Leave me, leave me, leave me.
She wants to escape. You know this well enough, recognise the warning signs even as you clutch your beautiful girl closer to you. She is yours and you will not release her, will not allow her to leave ever again.
She will stay with you. You will keep her here for as long as you can and there will be nothing to tear her away from you. Mortals come and go but her soul is as undying as yours. She was made for you, was the one thing you took for yourself that was not borne out of vengeance but desire. You do not wish to squander that. Not now that she is yours once more.
You chant this like a hymn, reverence for the mortal world falling away as Mother holds you closer, brings you more and more into her in this damned darkness. She is your light, your comfort, your love and you cannot leave her.
There is an obligation there but it is more than that. Your debt is embedded in your skin and you cannot help but hold on to her even when you are pulled back into the world of the living. She is with you always and she will never die. You know this now. You accept it even as your lips touch Laura’s.
Obligation. It is the heart and soul of you and you will never forget it.