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I Want You to Know

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Sonny and Amanda’s Apartment - Thursday Night


“Girls still asleep?” Amanda asked as Sonny entered into the bedroom and closed the door behind him.

He nodded as he laid down beside Amanda on their bed and rubbed his hand up and down her thigh. “I know you’re probably just as exhausted as they are after the day you had at the precinct, but do you think we can talk for a minute?”

Amanda sat up a bit in the bed and turned toward him. “Yeah. What about?”

“The baby situation.”

“Do you want to stop trying?” She asked, biting her lip nervously.

He shook his head vehemently. “No, no.”

Sonny paused for a moment to collect his thoughts and then continued on. “I definitely want to keep pursuing this, but I think we need to hit the reset button.”

She raised her eyebrow at him. “What do you mean?”

Sonny took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “You’ve had three miscarriages. And I know how upsettin’ and discouraging it has been. Especially the last time. So I’m thinkin’ we should maybe try a different approach.”

Amanda pressed her lips together as she let her mind drift back to her third miscarriage two and a half weeks ago. It had been especially sad because unlike the other times they both really thought the pregnancy was going to take because it had lasted longer than the first two. But ultimately the result was the same.

“What do you have in mind?” She asked him curiously.

He ran a hand through his hair. “How would you feel about surrogacy?”

Amanda’s eyes widened in surprise. It wasn’t what she had expected to come out of his mouth and the idea wasn’t something she had ever considered.

“Like another woman having a baby for us?” She asked, furrowing her brows.

Sonny wasn’t sure if she took it the way he intended so he sought to clear up any misconceptions. “Yes, but she would only be carrying the baby. The surrogate wouldn’t be the mom. You would. We’d do IVF with your eggs and my sperm.”

Amanda got up off the bed and began pacing around the room, but said nothing so Sonny continued speaking.

“We’d have to investigate it a bit more to see if it’s a viable option, but your doctor said she thinks the issue hasn’t been the embryos, but that the scarring in your uterus from when you had the girls is making it difficult for you to carry a baby to term.”

As Amanda paced she quietly took in what her husband was saying. She knew Sonny was right. Though her OBGYN didn’t come right out and say that trying for a baby the natural way was a lost cause, she mentioned the issues he had just parroted back to her. Still, despite the heartache each miscarriage caused, Amanda hadn’t been ready to give up and change course just yet and she was very unsure what to think of his proposal. She was very committed to trying for a baby with Sonny, but wasn’t sure whether or not she wanted to take it this far.

“Isn’t all of that really expensive?” She asked him as she stopped moving and stood in place. “How would we even pay for something like this?”

Sonny nodded. “It is and though we’ve built up a pretty decent savings account, it wouldn’t be enough to cover this.”

He then stood up and walked over to where she stood. “But before I brought this idea up to you tonight, I ran it by my parents. Just to get their thoughts on it. They told me that if we wanted to do this they’d help us.”

Amanda shook her head. “No, no, no. Absolutely not.”

Sonny rubbed his temples. “I’m not crazy about it either. And if we were in our early 30s I’d probably turn them down and pursue this option after saving up for a couple of years. But Amanda, we don’t have a couple years. If we’re gonna go this route, it would need to be now. So I say we view it as a loan that we’ll pay back in time after the fact.”

Amanda nodded slowly, but he could tell she was still indifferent. “What else is botherin’ you about using a surrogate?”

She plopped back down on the bed. “What if she tried to keep our baby? Or we had trouble claiming him or her? I’ve heard stories where there were a lot of issues.”

Sonny sighed and sat down next to her. “They are very uncommon. But to ensure that everythin’ goes as smoothly as possible we would get someone like Langan or another family law attorney to write up a contract so there won’t be any questions regarding who’s baby it is. And a lot of these agencies that set couples up with a surrogate have them go through a rigorous screenin’ process. The surrogate knows what they’re getting into and 99% of them wouldn’t try and keep our child.”

“You’ve really done your homework.” Amanda told him, wondering how long he’d been looking into this before he brought the idea to her.

Sonny nodded. “I have. I knew you’d have questions and I wanted to be able to answer them.”

And he was able to answer a majority of them. But she still had concerns that she knew as a guy he wouldn’t understand or know how to ease and they were big ones.

“This is a lot to process.” Amanda finally said to him. “I need to sit on it for a while and think about it.”

Sonny was admittedly a bit disappointed. He thought Amanda would be more open to the idea than she initially seemed. However, he also knew he threw a lot at her and it would take some time for her to digest it all.

“OK.” Sonny said as he rubbed his hand up and down her back. “Let’s table it for now and go to bed.”

Amanda nodded and the two made their way back to their respective sides of the bed and climbed in.

They then both turned their bedside lamps off and attempted to get some sleep, though Amanda found it difficult to shut her brain off as the surrogacy idea loomed in her thoughts.