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I Want You to Know

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Amanda and Sonny’s Apartment - Saturday Morning

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“Billie, if we don’t leave in the next fifteen minutes we’re going to be late for your dress rehearsal so you gotta eat fast, okay?” Amanda said as she adjusted the four-year-old’s black tutu and then ushered her into the kitchen to eat her cereal.

Once Billie was settled at the kitchen table eating her breakfast, Amanda made her way into the bathroom to do something she had been trying to do for the past few days. Though her youngest daughter was close by and she was a little limited in time, Sonny and Jesse had left earlier in the morning to go to her soccer tournament out in Suffolk County and this was probably the emptiest and quietest the apartment was ever going to be.

Amanda closed then locked the door behind her and began rummaging under the bathroom sink in search of the pregnancy test she had hidden way. She quickly unboxed it and headed toward the toilet.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Not wanting to hog up the bathroom in case Billie needed to use it, Amanda decided to exit and wait for the results in her bedroom. She entered her room, closed the door and set the test down on her nightstand. The blonde then got herself dressed to take Billie to dance.

When she finished she checked her watch and saw that enough time had passed and that the results should be ready. Amanda headed over to the nightstand and gasped in surprise when she saw the word ‘Pregnant’ displayed on the stick.

Amanda picked up the test, sat down on her bed and stared at it in disbelief. Though she had a strongly inkling this would be the end result, hence her decision to take the test in the first place, it was surprising to see. While her and Sonny had casually discussed having a baby together, they hadn’t been trying and Amanda was still on birth control. Nevertheless, she was thrilled to discover that they would be adding to their brood and knew Sonny would be too.

“I can’t believe I’m pregnant.” She said out loud to herself, smiling.

“What’s pregnant mean?”

Amanda’s eyes nearly popped out of her head upon hearing Billie’s voice. She turned her head and saw the little girl had, unbeknownst to her, opened the door and entered into her bedroom while Amanda was deep in thought.

After Billie had nearly walked in on her and Sonny having sex a few months back, the couple sat the little girl down and talked to her about things like closed doors, privacy, knocking, etc. And though Billie had been a lot better about not barging in on someone unexpectedly, she still occasionally forgot and this was unfortunately one of those times.

“I’m done eating.” She told her mother as she walked up to her. Billie then repeated her question. “What’s pregnant mean?” She then pointed at the test in Amanda’s hand and asked, “What’s that?”

Amanda sat quietly for a moment as she pondered how to proceed. The last thing she wanted was Billie knowing about this so early, before she gotten a chance to make sure everything was okay with the baby and tell Sonny about it all. Since Billie didn’t know what the word pregnant meant, she decided she’d try to brush it off and see how it goes.

“It’s nothing important.” Amanda told her daughter as she set the test aside and stood up. “Boring adult stuff I don’t want you to worry about, alright?”

A seemingly content Billie nodded.

A relieved looking Amanda smiled down at her. “Ok, let’s get going.”

The duo headed out of the main bedroom and toward the living room, where Amanda gathered Billie’s things and then they both left the apartment together.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Amanda quickly buckled Billie into her booster seat in the back of her suv, hopped into the driver’s side and then began making the drive to Billie’s dance studio.

“So remember Billie after your dress rehearsal is over, I’m going to bring you to your dad’s and your going to stay with him for the long weekend and then Sonny or I will come pick you up on Monday, ok?”

Billie briefly looked up at her mother and nodded before quickly redirecting her attention back on the game she was playing on her tablet.

As Amanda drove on she became increasingly curious as to what Billie would think about a new baby coming into the family, despite it not being the right time for her to officially know it would be happening soon. She tried to think of a subtle way to broach the topic.

“Are you happy Cora will be back in class today?” Amanda asked, referencing one of her daughter’s really good friends.

Billie nodded and smiled. “Yeah it’s always more fun when she’s there too.”

Amanda tapped her thumbs on the steering while waiting at a red light. “Didn’t her stepmom have a baby a few months ago?”

“Yeah.” Billie said as she switched off her tablet and placed it off to the side. “His name is Cole. I got to play with him a couple weeks ago. He’s so cute. I wish I had a baby brother.”

Amanda remained quiet, but smiled softly; happy to hear that Billie would likely not only be open to the idea of having a new sibling, but be fairly enthusiastic about it.

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Amanda and Sonny’s Apartment - Saturday Evening

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Later on that day, Sonny and Jesse, who was rocking some hardware around her neck, finally got home from Long Island.

“We came in second.” Jesse said as she walked up to her mother, who was sitting down in the living room watching tv, and showed her the medal. “The Sharks beat us in the championship match on a penalty kick.” She said sighing.

“Hey, second is nothing to hang your head about.” Amanda told her daughter as she brought Jesse in for a hug. “Sonny sent me a bunch of videos he took from your matches and you and the rest of your team did so good.”

“They sure did.” Sonny chimed in as he placed his hands on Jesse’s shoulders. “Especially the next Alex Morgan over here. This one scored so many goals today.”

Amanda smiled as she watched Jesse blush and grin up at him.

“Alright, why don’t you go get washed up?” She told her daughter.

Jesse nodded and headed off down the hall toward her bedroom.

“Pizza tonight?” Amanda asked as she watched Sonny make his way into the adjacent kitchen.

“Works for me.” He said as he headed toward the Keurig. “You want a cup?”

Amanda shook her head no so he proceeded to make one just for himself.

“I wish I could’ve gone to see Jesse play today.” Amanda said sighing.

“But someone had to bring Billie to dance and then handle her drop off.” Sonny said as he removed his cup from the machine and took a sip. “It sucks when they have things goin’ on at the same time, but it’s gonna happen every now and then.”

He headed back into the living room and sat down next to his wife. “So how’d her dress rehearsal go?”

“It was a little chaotic.” Amanda admitted, chuckling. “But that’s to be expected with a group of four year olds. They all looked really cute though. I can’t wait for you and Jesse to see her when they perform it.”

He smiled and took a sip of his coffee. “I’m sure she’s going to be the best ballerina on the stage.”

Sonny rubbed his free hand up and down her thigh. “So how was the rest of the afternoon?”

A small part of Amanda considered telling him right then and there about the positive pregnancy test, but ultimately decided to stick to her original plan of verifying it with a doctor and making sure everything was ok first.

“Pretty uneventful.” She told him as she snuggled closer into him. “Just hung out with Frannie.”

He nodded and wrapped his arm around her. The two sat together for a little while longer before Amanda eventually got up to order the pizza and Sonny settled into the couch and flicked on a hockey game.

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Amanda and Sonny’s Apartment - Sunday Evening

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When Amanda got called in by Liv to help with a case, and with Billie still at Al’s and Jesse at a sleepover, Sonny found himself alone in the apartment the following night and he took the opportunity to catch up on some of his work.

A couple of hours after Amanda had left she ended up calling him.

“Hey what’s up?” He asked as he placed his cell on speaker and continued typing away on his laptop.

‘Al texted me.’ Amanda relayed to him from the other end of the line. ‘He has to deal with an emergency at the hospital and needs to drop Billie off tonight. You’re home still, right?’

“Yeah.” Sonny said as he stopped typing and ran a hand through his hair. “When’s he comin?”

‘He should be there in like 30 minutes.’

“Ok.”

‘Thanks, I’ll see you and Billie when I get home. Hoping I won’t be out too much longer.’

“Alright be safe.” He reminded her. “Love you. Bye.”

Sonny ended the phone call, closed his laptop and began putting his work up in anticipation of Billie’s return home.

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Billie sat quietly, staring aimlessly out of the window in the backseat of Al’s car as he finished wrapping up a call with his sister through his hands free set while he drove her back to Amanda and Sonny’s.

“I know Sarah doesn’t want to re-home her cat, but it isn’t a good idea for her to keep it since her husband works out of town so much.”

‘Why not?’

“Because she’s about to have a baby. Pregnant women shouldn’t be handling litter boxes. There’s a chance she could get Toxoplasma. Especially since her cat goes outside. But hey, what do I know. I’m only a doctor…”

Billie’s eyes perked up a bit at this point in her dad’s phone call as the little girl began putting two and two together in her head from her conversation earlier in the day with her mother.

Once her dad had gotten off the phone with her aunt, Billie, looking for confirmation, stated to him, “Pregnant means you’re gonna have a baby.”

Al, noticing it had started to rain a bit, turned on his windshield wipers. “Yes. Sarah is your cousin and she’s going to be having a baby soon.”

“So is my mom!” Billie exclaimed excitedly.

He raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“Mommy’s going to have a baby.” The little blonde said giddily. “She’s pregnant.”

Al was extremely taken aback by Billie’s revelation, but tried his best not to show it. Instead of commenting, he simply gave his daughter a small smile and kept his focus on the road.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

“Hi Sonny!” Billie yelled out to him as he opened the apartment door. She then quickly brushed by him before he could greet her back and scurried off into her bedroom, with Frannie following close behind her.

“I guess congratulations are in order.” Al said in a monotone pitch of voice that sounded anything but congratulatory as he handed him Billie’s bags.

Sonny looked at him peculiarly.

“So I’m judging by your reaction Billie wasn’t supposed to tell me you and Amanda are having a baby?”

A shocked Sonny’s eyes immediately grew large as he began processing what was being told to him. His mind started to race. Amanda was pregnant?! Billie knew?! Sonny had a million questions for his wife, but in that moment his main concern was to not let on to Al that he knew about all this before he did.

“It’s fine that she told you.” Sonny said in as composed of a nature as he could. “And, thanks.”

Al nodded. “I’m glad Amanda’s finally getting what she wants. Well, almost everything she wants.”

Sonny raised an eyebrow at him. “What do you mean by that?”

“Oh come on Carisi. You and I both know Amanda would rather you were Billie’s dad and if she could, she’d erase me from her world in a second.” Al said laughing.

Sonny was surprised by Al’s frankness and could sense there was some underlying hurt there, but he didn’t really know the best way to respond to him in that moment so he remained quiet.

“I need to get going.” Al finally said to him. “Can you tell Billie I said bye and will see her soon?”

Sonny nodded and then closed door behind Al as he exited.

He then leaned up against it, closed his eyes, rubbed his temples and stood, deep in thought.

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Amanda and Sonny’s Apartment - Sunday Night

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Amanda ended up getting off work much later than anticipated and though he typically liked to let her relax and decompress on a night like this, he knew that they needed to talk and it couldn’t wait. When she emerged into their bedroom after getting out of the shower and finished getting dressed he wasted no time bringing up the events that occurred earlier on in the evening.

“Manda, I know you’ve had a long night and all you want to do is sleep but…we really need to talk.”

He motioned for her to sit down next to him on the edge of the bed and she did.

“What about?” She asked, looking concerned.

He took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Are you pregnant?”

Amanda’s mouth opened wide in surprise. “Billie told you?”

“No, Al.”

Amanda raised her eyebrows. “Al?!” She sighed. “I’m…so sorry that’s how you found out about this. It’s definitely not how I envisioned it.”

Sonny nodded and then looked directly into her eyes. “So it’s true? You are pregnant?”

Amanda grinned and nodded. “I wanted to wait another day or two to tell you. After I had a seen a doctor. But yes. I am.”

A smile slowly spread across Sonny’s face.

“So you’re happy about it?” She asked, biting her lip. “I know we weren’t exactly trying for a baby right now.”

“Of course I am.” Sonny said to her as he lovingly caressed her thigh. “We weren’t actively plannin’ for it, but you and I had discussed maybe tryin’ soon so to know you are pregnant and that it all happened easier and quicker than we initially thought it might is such wonderful news. But when and how did Billie find out?”

Amanda sighed as she ran a hand through her wet hair. “I took a test yesterday morning before I brought Billie to dance and she overheard me talking out loud to myself saying ‘I’m pregnant’ and saw the test. She asked me what pregnant meant, so since I knew she didn’t associate the word with a baby I—“

“Tried to sweep it under the rug?” He asked, cutting her off.

Amanda nodded. “I thought it worked. She didn’t ask me about it again. But it looks like at some point she either got curious or the word came up and I’m guessing she asked her dad about it.”

Sonny nodded. “So Jesse—“

“Doesn’t know. But now that Billie really understands it we’re gonna have to tell her about it when she gets home tomorrow. The girls knowing about this so early on isn’t ideal, but it is what it is at this point.”

“Ok.” Sonny said quietly as he took everything in.

Amanda could sense he still had something on his mind and asked, “What else did you want to talk about?”

Sonny stood up and began walking around the room. “It’s what Al said to me after he ‘congratulated’ us.”

Amanda rolled her eyes. “Let me guess. He gave you shit for being my third baby daddy? Or he’s upset because Billie’s gonna have ‘another’ half sibling?”

He shook his head no slowly. “He said he was glad you were finally gettin’ almost everythin’ you wanted.”

She eyed her husband curiously. “What else does he think I want?”

Sonny stopped moving and stared at her intently. “He thinks you’d rather I was Billie’s dad and if you could, you’d erase him from your world.”

Amanda sat quietly for a long time as she took in the surprisingly blunt comment and thought over her ex’s statement.

“He’s not entirely wrong.” Amanda finally whispered out quietly.