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I Want You to Know

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Amanda and Sonny’s Apartment - Wednesday Night

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It was late by the time Sonny had finally made his way home after a longer than anticipated night of prepping witnesses for an upcoming homicide trial. He was unexpectedly handed the case at the last minute after their bureau’s ADA was forced to recuse himself and had been working an abundance amount of overtime in an effort to prepare for it.

“Hey.” A tired looking Sonny yawned out to his fiancé as he closed and locked the apartment door behind him.

Amanda gave him a sympathetic smile. “You look exhausted.”

Sonny set his keys down on the kitchen counter, headed over to the adjacent living room and plopped down on the couch. “I am.”

“But things are going well, right?”

He nodded. “I think so.”

Amanda took a seat next to him and bit her lip. “I know you’re really tired, but…”

Sonny raised his eyebrow at her. “But…”

“It’s the 12th.” She reminded him. “And it’s the best night to, you know, do it.”

Sonny closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. “Manda—“

“Please?” She asked hopefully. “I’m about to ovulate so that means today, and maybe tomorrow, are my greatest chances at getting pregnant this month.”

Sonny sighed and fixed his mouth to speak, but stopped as Amanda slid closer to him and started planting sensual kisses down his neck.

“It can be a quickie.” She said in between kisses. The blonde then stood up, took his hands into hers and looked at him. “What do you say?”

Sonny thought for a moment, before finally relenting. “Ok, ok.”

Amanda grinned as she guided him to their bedroom and closed the door behind them.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Once they finished making love, Sonny got up from the bed.

“Want to shower with me?” He asked as he threw his boxers back on.

Amanda, who as soon as they finished had propped herself up a bit with pillows, shook her head no without looking up at him, keeping her eyes glued to a fertility app on her phone.

Sonny rolled his eyes. “Of course. You’re done with me. Now ya gotta lay here like that for the next 15 minutes. How could I forget.”

Amanda set her cell down on the nightstand beside her. “I’m doing this because it’s suppose to help the process.”

“I know, I know.” He grumbled as he ran a hand through his now disheveled silver locks.

“Then what’s wrong? You still want to have a baby with me, right?”

Sonny sighed. “I do, but not like this.”

She eyed him curiously. “What do you mean?”

He slid back into bed next to her. “Manda, getting pregnant is all you care about these days. You only ever want to have sex according to your ovulation schedule. If it doesn’t happen on those specific days, in one of three specific positions, then you aren’t interested. When we said we would try to have a baby together, I knew there would need to be some planning involved, but I feel like lately there’s been no spontaneity or romance to our sex life anymore. You literally go through the motions solely in the hopes that we’ll make a baby.”

Amanda sat up and looked over at him. “Sonny, I’m sorry. I had no idea how what I thought were little things, like the tracking apps and scheduling, was coming across. It wasn’t my intention. I guess I have gone a little overboard. It’s just…”

“Just…”

She sighed. “I didn’t expect it to be this hard. I mean, I got pregnant with both the girls on birth control. I know I’m a little older now, but I didn’t have Billie THAT long ago. I thought this all would’ve happened a lot faster and easier for us than it is, but its not. And I worry that if it doesn’t happen soon it might not ever.”

Sonny placed his hand on her thigh and gently rubbed up and down. “I hate seeing how stressed out you are about this.”

He paused for a moment to collect his thoughts before continuing.

“I realize that if we’re goin’ to try to have a baby it needs to be now, but I don’t think it’s healthy to be this fixated on it. I’m not saying we stop trying outright, but we can’t let this consume us, either. We need to start living our lives again.”

Amanda sighed. “You’re right. We do.”

He wrapped his arm around her as she rested her head on his chest. “If you get pregnant, that would be wonderful. But if it doesn’t happen, then it doesn’t happen. And I’m OK with that. My life with you and the girls is amazing and means everything to me.”

Amanda nodded and gave him a small smile as he pulled her in closer to him and the two laid together for a long while, quietly enjoying each other’s company.

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Three Weeks Later

Sonny’s Office - Late Thursday Afternoon

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After having their much needed conversation, life went back to the way it had been for Amanda and Sonny and they were both much happier as a result. The timing was especially helpful for Sonny, who was busy prepping and then trying his big homicide case.

It had been a long, arduous process but all the hard work he poured into it ended up paying off. Despite some shaky witnesses and a large portion of evidence being thrown out on a technicality, the jury still found the defendant guilty of murder in the first degree.

He had returned straight to his office after the verdict was announced and about an hour later he heard a knock on his door and saw Amanda, who had been stuck at a police conference all day, emerge from behind it.

“I just heard the news.” She said smiling as she hurried to him and engulfed him in a big hug. “Congrats on winning the case!”

“Thanks.” Sonny said as they pulled away and he rested his hands on her hips. “I’m so glad it’s done and that it went how we hoped it would.”

“Should we celebrate with a drink?” She asked. “Sitter’s still on the clock for another two hours.”

Sonny thought her proposition over, but as he stood quietly engrossed in the beauty of his fiancé, who was dressed up a little fancier than usual due to the conference and had her long, wavy blonde tresses neatly put together and draped over her shoulders, a different idea popped into his head.

“That’d be nice. But there’s somethin’ else I’d rather be doin’ instead.”

Amanda wrapped her arms around his shoulders and eyed him suggestively. “What do you have in mind?”

He leaned in and kissed her passionately.

She pulled away briefly to catch her breath and asked, “No one’s planning on stopping by?”

Sonny shook his head no.

Amanda headed to his door, hastily locked it, and then hurried back to Sonny, who lifted her up into his arms and connected his lips with hers.

The ADA carried her to his desk, cleared it off with one swift arm sweep, set her down on top of it, and began unbuttoning her blouse as she ripped off his tie.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

“Lights on.” Liv said to Fin as she pointed to Sonny’s office.

The duo headed over and as Liv knocked on the door it opened up on its own, catching the clothed, but slightly disheveled couple inside off guard.

“Hey.” Sonny awkwardly greeted the twosome as Amanda quickly finished throwing her blonde locks into a sloppy bun and he ran a hand through his now messy gray hair.

Liv and Fin eyed them both curiously, before the captain finally turned her attention to Sonny.

“We just umm…finished up a meeting with McGrath and since we were close by we thought we’d stop in and congratulate you on the verdict today.”

Sonny gave her a small smile. “Thanks, Liv. It was a tough one.”

She nodded her head slowly. “Ok, well…we won’t keep you. I’m guessing you need to get home to the girls.”

“Yea, we were just about to head out.” Amanda told her boss.

“Alright, we’ll see you both tomorrow.” Fin told the couple.

Sonny and Amanda nodded and watched as the sergeant and captain headed out.

As Fin and Liv walked down the hall he whispered, “You know if we had walked in there 5 minutes earlier we would’ve been greeted by Carisi’s ass, don’t you?”

Liv shot him a look and hit him in the arm, but said nothing and the duo continued on out of the building.

Meanwhile back inside the office, Sonny and Amanda started chuckling.

“I thought you locked the door?!” He asked her.

Amanda shrugged. “I thought I did too.” She giggled out. “Guess not.”

The two continued to laugh together before Amanda finally stopped and looked up at him. “That was fun. I’m glad we’re getting back to how we use to be.”

He smiled softly at her and stroked her cheek. “Me too.”

They stood staring deeply into each other’s eyes for a long while before Amanda finally looked down and checked her watch.

“Alright, we really should get back home to the girls.”

Sonny nodded and the two quickly gathered their things and headed out of his office.

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Seven Weeks Later

Sonny and Amanda’s Bedroom - Thursday Morning

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“Are you sure you’re goin’ to be ok?” A concerned looking Sonny asked Amanda.

She waved him off. “If Billie and Jesse can handle it, so can I.”

“Well that stomach bug they both brought home seems to be hittin’ you way worst than it did them.” He said as he set a glass of water down on her nightstand.

“I’ll be fine.” She reassured him. “Nothin’ a little extra rest and another day or two off from work can’t fix.”

Sonny sighed. “Ok. Well I’m gonna go drop them off at school and head into the office. If you need me, call me.”

She nodded. “I will.”

He gave her a small smile, her thigh a quick rub and made his way out of the room.

Amanda sat up a bit more in bed and contemplated Sonny’s words and realized he was right. The stomach bug that her daughters had just gotten over wasn’t nearly as bad, long or as sporadic as the one that had been plaguing her. She started to wonder if all the nausea and throwing up she was doing was actually due to something else.

When she was sure Sonny and the girls had left, she slowly got out of bed, headed toward the bathroom and began rummaging around through the medicine cabinet.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

When Sonny walked into the apartment after getting off work later that afternoon he was pleasantly surprised to see a much healthier, upbeat looking Amanda sitting on the living room couch.

“Hey.” He said smiling at her. “You’re lookin’ a lot better.”

“I feel much better.” She said as she fiddled around on her cell. “I ended up making an appointment with my doctor. She prescribed some medication and it’s helped a lot.”

“That’s good.” Sonny said as he plopped down next to her on the couch. He glanced down at his watch. “Girls, still at dance?”

Amanda nodded. “Yeah, one of us will need to leave to get them in about 20 minutes.”

He motioned toward your phone. “What’s so interestin’?”

“Just setting up this new tracking app.” She said coyly, keeping her eyes focused on her phone.

Sonny sighed. “Manda, I thought you said you were done with all the ovulation tracking?”

“I am.” Amanda said as she bit her lip and handed him her iPhone. “This is different.”

He looked down at the screen and saw the words “Week 7” plastered on top with a picture of a blueberry underneath it and text that read, ‘Baby is as big as a blueberry.’

Sonny’s eyes grew soft and a big grin spread across his face. “You’re pregnant?”

Amanda nodded and smiled.

“We’re having a baby!” He shouted out enthusiastically as he put her phone down next to him on the couch, gave her a quick kiss on the lips and hugged her. “This is great!”

After holding her in his arms for a long while he finally let go and asked, “So what we thought was a stomach virus was actually—“

“Morning sickness.” Amanda said cutting him off. “Really terrible morning sickness.”

Sensing he felt bad that she was struggling so much with it she quickly followed up. “But it’s under control now. I promise. Don’t worry. Baby and I are good.”

Sonny nodded. He then picked her phone back up and looked down at it again. “So you’re seven weeks?”

Amanda nodded. “Yeah, that’s what my doctor said.”

He chuckled. “That means this happened during our little impromptu office session.”

“It did.” She said smiling. “When we weren’t trying or even thinking about it. Looks like we should’ve gone with your approach to this whole thing a long time ago.”

Sonny reached out for her hand and tenderly caressed it. “I can’t wait to start this next chapter in our lives.”

She cuddled up closer to him. “Me either.”

The two sat together silently for a bit longer before Amanda, who noted the time, stood up. “How about I go pick up Jesse and Billie? That way you can get dinner started?”

“Sure, no problem.” Sonny said as he got up and made his way into the kitchen.

The blonde headed toward the door to gather her coat, shoes and bag. When she felt around her pockets for her phone she remembered it was left on the couch, but when she went to grab it she saw it wasn’t there. She looked around a bit and noticed Sonny still had it.

“Still lookin’ at my pregnancy app?” Amanda asked, laughing. “I think you might be the one who has a problem with tracking now.”

“I’m just so excited. I can’t help myself.” A giddy Sonny told her as he continued going through it.

“Well you can hold on to my phone.” She told him. “I’ll take yours with me.”

Amanda stood smiling and watching him for a bit longer before finally grabbing his cell off the charger that lied on the kitchen counter and making her way out the door.