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Eternity

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Kaoru had just come home from a long day of idol work, exhausted from all the walking he had to do from place to place, even if he went to some by car. He was happy to be home, though, not only because of that, but because he had someone he loved to come home to; his beloved boyfriend, Izumi Sena.

They had been living together for a few months now, after dating for almost an entire year. It was a lot more comfortable than he imagined, maybe because they both always kept things relatively clean and Izumi knew how to cook, but also because they almost always slept in the same bed, something that managed to keep Kaoru at peace without fail.

On that particular night, however, he saw something he didn’t expect to see: Izumi seemingly washing his sadness away with alcohol. Neither of them could purchase alcohol as they were only nineteen, so had Rei left some last time he had been to their house? The thought could only fleetingly pass through his head as he slowly approached his boyfriend sitting at their living room sofa.

“Senacchi?”

Izumi slowly raised his head up, eyes puffy and nose a bit red from all the crying, looking towards his Kao-kun with an unusually pitiful expression on his face. He let go of the short cup he was holding.

“Kao-kun.” He paused for a brief moment to let out a sniffle and wipe away a few of his leftover tears from his eyes. “You’re back earlier than i thought.”

His voice was noticeably shaky, which was the thing that truly made him look like he was in a rare fragile state, considering his usual much more confident and firm tone. And the fact that he couldn’t even really be bothered to attempt to hide it made it obvious that something was up, at least to Kaoru.

“What happened, Senacchi? What made you cry like that today?” The blonde quickly found his place next to his boyfriend, being careful as to not initiate much physical contact just yet beyond a light grip on one of Izumi’s legs. He then took a short break from looking at him in order to spare a glance to the half-full cup of alcohol that was sitting at their small table.

“And also, where did you even get that?” He pointed towards the lone drink he had just glanced at.

“Sakuma left a bottle here last time he dropped by, and I was a bit desperate to get my mind off a certain something, so I decided to take some on impulse.” Kaoru wasn’t sure how he felt about his own presumptions being confirmed true. “I know it’s unlike me, especially since i don't even like alcohol, but I had to do something to keep myself at peace.”

Kaoru could only wonder what could've been disconcerting enough to make Izumi do all that, and couldn't help asking again. “...Do you wanna tell me what happened? I’m fine with waiting if you don’t wanna talk about it right now, but…” he slid his hands across Izumi’s thigh in a light, comforting manner before going back to gripping it again, more strongly this time.

It was completely quiet for a minute or two, as Izumi seemed to weigh his options. He then wrapped his arms around his legs, burying a part of his face on his knees as if to not allow anybody to see his entire face for a while.

“I had a really frightening dream, Kao-kun.” His grip around his own knees only grew stronger the more he spoke, despite his voice being more stable than it was before. “I dreamed...that I broke you, just like I did Leo-kun when we were younger. But not really in the same way. It was more like...I wore you down so much with my attitude and strictness and my inadequacy at being a boyfriend and all that that you just eventually couldn’t handle being around me anymore." He took a short pause to recollect his thoughts, loosening his grip a little bit. "So you said all kinds of bad things to me and left, never bothering to reach out to me again, and leaving me all alone like nothing ever happened.”

He then finally lifted his head up from his own knees, in order to stare deep into Kaoru’s eyes, as if to make sure he would convey his emotions as well as he could at that point in time. “...Do you see now why I feel so unsettled? Scared, even?”

Kaoru scooted closer to him, sighing and putting one of his hands on Izumi’s cheek and caressing it gently. “You know well by now that wouldn’t happen, Senacchi.” He returned the stare his boyfriend had given him moments ago.

“Do I really, Kao-kun? I messed it up with Leo-kun before, who’s to say I can’t do it again? And besides…” Izumi stopped talking for a few seconds, letting out a short sigh before continuing. “That’s not what truly bothers me.” He averted his eyes, taking the blonde’s hand out of his own cheek while he gripped it tightly.

“What is it then?” The sharpness in Kaoru’s stare felt heavy enough for Izumi to notice, even if he couldn’t see the other man’s eyes at that moment, which really made it difficult for him to not respond for any longer.

“...It’s the fact that this dream made me face how I can never be sure if I'm on the right track with you. If I’m someone you’d be truly fine with spending the rest of your days with, I mean.” He still couldn’t bring himself to go back to looking straight at Kaoru, so he instead gave him a hug, burying his own face in his shoulders where he couldn’t see his expression. “I always wondered if you wouldn’t prefer someone more affectionate or honest than me, someone who would do a ton of cheesy things with you...like, PDA and the sort. I wouldn’t blame you for being dissatisfied with everything, I’d be annoyed too if my partner didn’t seem to show a similar level of affection as I did.”

Kaoru gently played with the hair on the back of his boyfriend’s head, just as he knew he liked it, in a sincere attempt to soothe him. “I can assure you that I wouldn’t be here by your side if I didn’t like things the way they are, Senacchi.” He whispered, leaving a kiss on Izumi’s shoulder. “I could’ve broken up with you a while ago if i wasn’t satisfied with anything. Just because you’re not as explicit as I am about your feelings doesn’t mean I can’t feel how much you’ve loved me all this time...and how much you continue to love me right now.” He continued, leaving a few more near his neck area.

“In fact, just from a few small gestures of yours I can tell that the affection I’ve received from you is a very, very genuine one. The love i can feel when you tighten your grip around me when we’re sleeping together, when you silently hold my hand when you think I’m already asleep, when you take care of me no matter what when I’m sick, and even when you nag and show your concern for me...is the kind I can only find in someone who can truly love. Like you, Senacchi...Izumi.”

Izumi couldn’t help but feel surprised at the sudden change in appellation, to the point where he even felt a little embarrassed. “You give me too much credit. Who’s to say you won’t get tired of my ways soon enough? Or that you won't find someone better, that does everything I can do but with much more dexterity?” He spoke with noticeable insecurity in his words, despite the fact that the stability in his words remained the same.

Kaoru pushed Izumi away from his shoulders in order to look him in the eyes, and to rest him better in his own lap. “They wouldn’t be you, and that alone would make them absolutely pale in comparison.” He said, tucking a bit of the other boy’s fluffy hair behind one of his ears as he softly smiled. “Is that enough reason to stay for you?”

At that point a noticeable blush was imprinted in Izumi’s face, as he let out a small, almost unnoticeable chuckle. It brought him a certain level of peace to be reassured by someone he cared about so much that his love wasn't necessarily a sharp, hurtful blade that would eventually cause pain to anything it touched, unlike a part of himself had lead him to believe for the longest time. In fact, now that he thought about it, it came as a surprise to him that somebody had come to love him enough to so confidently say all those gentle words to him...almost like a dream. And although he would usually be a bit skeptical of such straightforward affection, Izumi felt compelled to this time choose to trust in Kaoru's words.

“All that tells me is that you’re kind of insane, Kao-kun.” He spoke, adjusting his position in his boyfriend’s lap. “But I suppose that will ease my worries for a bit.” He put their foreheads together, and after speaking went in for a kiss that lasted quite the short while.

And maybe it was the effects of alcohol kicking in, or maybe it was just the time of day it was, but the fragile-looking Izumi was beginning to get really sleepy, something that Kaoru soon took notice of. “Let me carry you over to bed now.” He said as he carried Izumi on his arms into their room.

And during his last moments of being half-asleep, Izumi silently uttered a longtime, unspoken wish of his.

“...You know, I’d like for us to stay together for eternity...Kao-kun. For the rest of our lives...until we can’t anymore.”

And Kaoru would be sure to do his best to fulfill that wish, for as long as he lived.