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Out of goodbyes

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Xiao Shiqin took one last look around the room that had been his for a short while. With all of his things in boxes, it looked no different to the day he’d walked in and he wondered if, in six months time, anyone would even remember he’d been there. He’d inherited so much from Ye Qiu, albeit only temporarily, but none of it had really felt like his. This room was always “Ye Qiu’s old room”, just as much as Excellent Era was always Ye Qiu’s team. The spectre of him echoed everywhere in the building.

He’d already said goodbye to the team, and he hoped they understood his need to return to Thunderclap. He couldn’t regret his decision to join Excellent Era, but he was glad to be going back home.

As he retrieved a stray notebook that had fallen down the back of one of the shelves, there was a knock on the door. There was only one person who could somehow imbue a simple knock with derision and anger.

Sun Xiang pushed past him before the door was even fully open without bothering to wait for an invitation. Shiqin knew where this was going – where it had been going for months – and he wasn’t going to refuse. He shut the door and locked it, turning to watch as Sun Xiang perched himself on the edge of the now-empty desk. The scowl on his face was only surface-level; this was a young man who disguised his pain with anger, and it was pain that had him gravitating to Shiqin’s room.

Shiqin took off his glasses as he walked towards the desk, placing them on a shelf where he knew they wouldn’t be damaged. He couldn’t vouch for their safety on any other flat surface in the room, not when Sun Xiang was looking at him like that.

Neither of them spoke. It was Shiqin who made the first move, although it could be argued that Sun Xiang’s very presence in the room was actually the first move. He stepped between Sun Xiang’s legs, feeling them instinctively tighten around his hips, and reached his hands up into Sun Xiang’s hair. He didn’t pull, but his grip was hard enough that he watched a little of the fight fade from Sun Xiang’s eyes.

He brought one hand round to Sun Xiang’s mouth, tracing his thumb over his bottom lip.

“I’m going to need you to use your words, Little Sun,” Shiqin said. He was pretty sure he knew exactly what Sun Xiang needed (even if Sun Xiang didn’t know himself) but he wanted to hear the words spoken out loud. “Remember that communication thing we worked on.”

Sun Xiang spat out a curse, although there was none of his usual heat behind it. He sucked Shiqin’s thumb into his mouth briefly before releasing it. “I want you to fuck me hard enough that I’ll remember it even when you’re gone.”

Shiqin smiled, even as he felt himself grow hard at Sun Xiang’s words. It was always reassuring to know they were on the same page. “I would like nothing more,” he replied politely, leaning in to kiss Sun Xiang.

There was nothing soft and gentle about the kiss, but that wasn’t what either of them wanted. It was hard and possessive and filled with a million things that neither wanted to think about. Shiqin moved Sun Xiang’s head into the position he wanted, the new angle allowing him to kiss him deeper. Sun Xiang’s legs tightened around him, pulling them together. Even through two sets of clothing, Shiqin could tell that Sun Xiang was as turned on by this as he was, and he pressed himself as close as he could. He quickly realised that the height difference, exaggerated by Sun Xiang sitting on the desk, was going to leave him frustrated. While that might be fun in another situation, that wasn’t what either of them wanted right now.

He stepped back, enjoying the moan that came from Sun Xiang at the loss of contact, and moved to sit on his desk chair. He reached down with one hand to adjust himself, hoping the invitation was clear.

“Fuck yes,” Sun Xiang muttered quietly enough that Shiqin didn’t think he was supposed to have heard the want in those words. He slid off the desk and took the few steps towards Shiqin, before dropping down onto his knees, his long limbs folding up gracefully beneath him, his eyes wide. Shiqin watched as he licked his dark, kiss-bruised lips.

“Can I?” he asked, looking up at him with a questioning expression on his face. Shiqin felt his stomach swoop at the request. The Sun Xiang of a few months ago would never have asked for permission to do anything, not that they would have been anywhere near this situation if Sun Xiang was still that same unyielding brat. For him to ask, especially with that soft flush appearing across his cheeks, was something Shiqin had never thought he’d experience.

He nodded in silence.

Sun Xiang’s hands reached for Shiqin’s thighs, rubbing gently over the thin tracksuit material, his thumbs moving higher and higher with each movement. His face was in line with Shiqin’s crotch and he stared at the hardness there, licking his lips again.

After a moment, he leaned in, sucking softly at Shiqin’s erection through the material. His breath was hot, and Shiqin couldn't decide if the friction was just enough or not quite enough. He might have been the one to initiate this particular part of the evening, but he hadn’t expected just how good Sun Xiang would look on his knees, or how eager he would be to get Shiqin in his mouth.

It might be enough to make Shiqin come in his pants for the first time since he was a teenager, if he didn’t do something about it.

He forced himself to focus, to think of anything else that might stave off the orgasm that was building – they both wanted him to fuck Sun Xiang, and he was realistic enough to know that his recovery rate wasn’t as fast as it used to be. If this really was going to be the only chance he had at this, he wasn’t going to miss his opportunity. He ran through battle techniques and Glory statistics in his mind, even as Sun Xiang’s hands were tugging at the waistband of his pants. He desperately wanted to last, but he also knew he wasn’t strong enough to push Sun Xiang away.

Sun Xiang’s fingers were scalding hot against his skin as he pushed the pants and his underwear low enough to free Shiqin’s erection, the elastic material tight up against his balls. The existence of that extra pressure was the only thing that prevented Shiqin from coming instantly the moment Sun Xiang opened his mouth and slid his lips all the way down. Shiqin’s head fell back against the headrest of the chair, and his hands gripped the armrests tightly enough that he would probably leave imprints.

If he’d thought Sun Xiang’s touch was heated, it was nothing compared to the feel of his mouth. He already knew Sun Xiang had a clever mouth – everyone in the league knew that – but he wondered how many people knew just how talented it was too. He kept changing the pressure, the speed, never quite settling into any one rhythm, as if he knew exactly how to keep Shiqin on the edge. It was impossible to anticipate his next move, and it was going to kill him.

Shiqin brought his hands up to Sun Xiang’s head and twisted his fingers into his hair. Unlike earlier, this time he pulled. Not too hard, but hard enough to get Sun Xiang’s attention. He felt Sun Xiang moan around his cock in the instant before he pulled away and knew he wouldn’t have survived another moment of that. He stared at Sun Xiang’s mouth, swollen and wet, and dragged him up for another kiss. He tasted himself in Sun Xiang’s mouth and chased it with his tongue.

He eventually pulled away, keeping his hands still tight in Sun Xiang’s hair. “If I’m going to fuck you so hard you’ll remember me, we need to move this to the bed.”

Sun Xiang rose from his knees, as gracefully as he’d originally dropped, and held out a hand to Shiqin. Shiqin took it, remembering the first time they’d shaken hands as teammates, and how Sun Xiang had exuded a distaste for everyone around him. Now, as his hand squeezed Shiqin’s, and he led them both towards Shiqin’s bed, he wondered how he could ever have thought Sun Xiang cold and aloof. It hadn’t been coldness keeping him apart from everyone else, it had been his own fear, his own insecurity. And somehow, over the months, that scared boy had become this confident man who had finally learned to work with others.

“You’re thinking too much,” Sun Xiang admonished, as he gently pushed Shiqin onto the bed. “Don’t get distracted.”

Shiqin smiled, realising that Sun Xiang knew him as well as he knew Sun Xiang. Those changes had gone both ways. “You’re plenty distracting yourself,” he said, bringing his attention back to the present.

Instead of a response, Sun Xiang began to strip off his clothing. It wasn’t a striptease, not in any traditional sense of the word, but it was still one of the most erotic things Shiqin had seen in his life. Inch after inch of beautiful bare skin was revealed, with Sun Xiang keeping his eyes firmly fixed on Shiqin as he moved. His skin was pale, unblemished, with dark nipples and a thin trail of hair leading down to his cock, which stood proudly against his stomach.

Completely naked, Sun Xiang stepped closer to Shiqin and reached out to the hem of his t-shirt.

“Can I?” he asked, the same question as before. Shiqin’s answer was the same – the same as it would be to that question every time from Sun Xiang.

Sun Xiang pulled Shiqin’s t-shirt over his head, before throwing it to one side and running his hands down Shiqin’s sides. He used enough pressure to avoid tickling Shiqin, and let his thumbs graze across Shiqin’s nipples as he moved. He smiled when Shiqin groaned, and did it again, this time leaning in to follow the stroke with a kiss, one to each nipple.

He slid his hands down further, catching the waistband of Shiqin’s pants and pushing both them and his underwear down to the ground so that Shiqin could step out of them.

With them both naked, Sun Xiang moved in to kiss him, pressing them together, his hands touching any part of Shiqin he could reach. This was different to the first kiss. Instead of the desperate hardness, it had become soft and gentle, in contrast to the way Sun Xiang’s hands were reaching for any part of Shiqin’s body he could get to. It was almost as if he was torn between wanting this to happen right now, and wanting it to last for hours – a feeling that Shiqin understood completely. He allowed himself to indulge in the feel of Sun Xiang’s mouth on his, of the way his hands moved across his body, of the sounds escaping from him when Shiqin touched him.

It was Sun Xiang who broke away first. “I need…” his voice trailed off, but his request was as clear as if he’d said the words.

“I know.”

Shiqin turned them around and pushed Sun Xiang onto the bed. As Sun Xiang moved himself further up towards the pillows, Shiqin reached into the bag sitting on the floor in the corner. He’d packed everything earlier, but he’d left the more personal items in a bag in the bedroom, just in case anyone else wanted to help him move his things. He pulled out a strip of condoms and a small travel-sized bottle of lube, and headed back to the bed.

Sun Xiang was turning himself over onto his front, but Shiqin grabbed him and turned him back. “I want to see your face,” he said. If this was their only chance, he was going to make the most of it. This was probably a step too far, no longer the quick one-off fuck that either of them had expected, but it was too late for him. He kissed Sun Xiang again, unable to stop himself from touching and taking what was on offer.

As they kissed, he pushed Sun Xiang’s legs apart, settling himself between them. He reached for the lube, coating his fingers, and moved his hand to trace Sun Xiang’s hole.

“Can I?” he asked, returning the question and smiled when he was rewarded with a quiet fuck, please. He slid a single finger in, swallowing down Sun Xiang’s moan with his mouth. The clench of muscle around his finger was tight enough that he couldn’t imagine what it would feel like around his cock, even as part of his mind was reminding him that he’d find out very soon.

“More. I’m not going to break.”

Shiqin smiled – even when he was begging, Sun Xiang was as demanding as ever. It was reassuring to know that even now, with whatever this was between them, Sun Xiang hadn’t changed too much. Shiqin rewarded him with another finger, slowly starting to stretch Sun Xiang out beneath him. Sun Xiang’s hands were by his side, gripping the sheets, as his breathing sped up. Shiqin pressed deeper, adding a third finger and watching the expression on Sun Xiang’s face as he changed the angle of his fingers.

Sun Xiang cried out, before reaching over and grabbing Shiqin’s shoulder. “If you don’t fuck me soon…”

Shiqin didn’t reply in words. He pulled his fingers out and grabbed the condom, sliding it over himself in one smooth movement. He gripped himself tightly at the base – he wanted to last long enough to give Sun Xiang what he needed, but it was going to take more self control than he feared he had left.

He took a deep breath and lined himself up. Sun Xiang’s face was more open and readable in that moment than it had been since they met, and Shiqin couldn’t help but lean in and kiss him once more, even as he slid inside.

Sun Xiang was hot and tight and he was gasping into Shiqin’s mouth. Shiqin stilled himself, allowing them both a minute to recover from the initial overwhelming sensations, before slowly pushing deeper.

“Fuck, yes. Please.”

Shiqin knew he couldn’t deny Sun Xiang what he wanted, especially not now, even if he’d wanted to. Bracing himself above Sun Xiang, he started to move, slowly at first, sliding in and out of the heat. Sun Xiang was beautiful at any time, but here, now, with his eyes wide and his face flushed, he was stunning, and Shiqin wondered why no one else seemed to have noticed it.

As if reminding him of his task, Sun Xiang reached around Shiqin, grabbing at his ass, the top of his thighs, his back, anywhere he could get to, pulling them harder together.

He was breathing hard, each exhale accompanied by a plea, harder and please and Shiqin, in a way that Shiqin knew he’d hear in his dreams forever. Between the begging and the physical, desperate grabs, Shiqin couldn’t hold on any longer.

He pulled himself almost completely out of Sun Xiang’s tightness, before slamming back in with enough force that Sun Xiang cried out. He did it again, and again, not letting himself slow down, until he felt his orgasm approaching, fast.

“Touch yourself,” he ordered and tilted his head to watch as Sun Xiang closed his fist around his own rock-hard erection. He wanted desperately to do it himself, to feel Sun Xiang in his own hand, but he was too far gone for that level of coordination. Instead, he pushed himself deep inside Sun Xiang again, once, twice, three times, until he felt himself coming. He stilled his body and closed his eyes as wave after wave of pleasure flooded through him.

Beneath him, he felt Sun Xiang’s hand speed up, and heard him cry out Shiqin’s name as he clenched tightly around him. If he hadn’t already climaxed, that alone would have been enough for Shiqin. For a brief moment, he regretted his decision to leave, and wondered what it would be like to have this every day for the rest of his life.

Reluctantly, he pulled himself out of Sun Xiang, tying off the condom and throwing it into the trashcan in the corner of the room. He let himself drop down onto the bed next to Sun Xiang, and turned onto his side to commit this image to his memory. Sun Xiang’s usually-perfect hair was a mess, with strands of it hanging down. His eyes were closed, but there was a soft smile on his flushed face. He looked… happy.

“That was good,” Shiqin said, in lieu of the words he feared he might blurt out. He was fully aware it was the endorphins in his system that made him want to say something romantic and poetic, to tell Sun Xiang that goodbyes weren’t permanent, that they’d meet again, that they could try something more like a relationship. None of that was true, not for them.

Sun Xiang didn’t respond, not in words. Instead, he turned to face Shiqin and leaned in for a kiss. “Thank you.”

Shiqin knew he should send Sun Xiang away, both so he could finish packing and so that neither of them forgot what this was (and wasn’t), but he couldn’t do it. Instead, he stretched out his arm in invitation and smiled as Sun Xiang curled into the embrace. Shiqin pulled the covers over them both and rested his head against Sun Xiang’s, closing his eyes.

Maybe they could pretend for a little while longer.