“And, because, you’ve made me the happiest, and for that, I.. I mean, you—fuck,” Gerard groans and rubs at his face with both hands. He has it, goddamnit, he had it. He forgot almost everything of his speech. He’s such an idiot, he should’ve written it down. It was perfect, and he was so sure he wouldn’t forget. Fuck his life.
He’s going to propose. To his boyfriend, to Frank. It’s been on his mind for a few months now, back when he was still in college, barely letting him concentrate on his final exams.
It was the last weekend that Frank could visit before finals and he’d fallen asleep on Gerard. Frank had already been studying a lot and not getting enough sleep, yet he still wanted to see him even though Gerard had told him that it was okay, he needed to rest, they would have all the time in the world to be together in a few weeks. But obviously, Frank didn’t think it was okay. It had been almost a month since they last saw each other, which was like, billions of years in relationship-time according to Frank, so he was definitely going.
It was when they were in the middle of watching a movie, when Frank fell asleep. He’d been making comments every now and then but, when fifteen minutes passed and he hadn’t said anything, Gerard looked down and found him sound asleep, mouth open and drooling on Gerard's shirt.
He doesn’t know why it happened in that moment, and not any other - but suddenly everything just fell into place. Something clicked in his mind. He just knew. He knew he wanted this, Frank, asleep in his arms every night. He knew that from now on, it was either Frank or no one else.
They’ve been together since junior year in high school and he’s never felt this way about anyone, ever. He's had a few other relationships before Frank, sure, and he thought he was in love with them but - he was so wrong. It doesn't even come close to the way he feels about Frank.
He also thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with them, because that's what you think when you're dating someone - that you're never going to break up. And that thought made him very nervous but he brushed it off, thought it was normal to be scared of that, but again, he was so wrong. He doesn't feel nervous now, and he didn'twhen he realized it, either. He felt calm. Actually, he felt like there had been a heavy weight right in his chest all his life and now it was gone and he could finally breathe.
He just hopes Frank feels the same way about him.
He lets out a breath and shakes himself, reaching for his phone. It's when he starts writing a text to Frank that he notices his hands are shaking.
"Fuck," he mutters, closing his eyes. He rubs a hand over his face and breathes deeply for a few seconds, willing himself to relax.
He manages to calm down enough that his hands are not shaking anymore a few moments later, so he sends a quick 'Morning beautiful' to Frank, knowing his boyfriend is up because he always wakes up at ass o'clock in the morning. Frank replies a few minutes later with a 'hey you', and a kissy emoji at the end that makes Gerard smile.
He's starting to type a new text when Frank sends another one.
what are you doing up before noon?
I wake up early sometimes, shut up.
hahaha sure you do ;)
I wanted to ask if you're doing something today?
no i'm free
why, got something in mind?
Yeah I thought we could go out, maybe to the park? Go for a walk? We haven't been able to spend a lot of time together lately.
Gerard smiles softly and bites his lip waiting for Frank's answer. Frank loves going to the park, it's his favorite place to be, and even more now that it's autumn and the leaves are starting to fall and everything is orange. That's why Gerard has decided to do it now - it's beautiful.
Frank's reply comes a few moments later.
pick me up in 30?
Gerard smiles. Sure.
He leaves his phone on the bed and walks to his closet. It takes him longer than usual to get dressed since he gets distracted every now and then, trying to remember the speech he had prepared for Frank. He fears Frank might reject him - which he would understand of course, they're fresh out of college, for god's sake, but it would still hurt, even if just a little. He also fears that Frank might find out before Gerard can get anything done, ruining the whole romantic scene he had in mind.
This, Gerard thinks, would be so much easier if Frank was the one who proposed to him. He'd be the one freaking out in his house right now about what to say or if he should or should not chicken out, but Frank was the one who asked him out so it's kind of Gerard's turn now. Or at least he feels like it is. Whatever.
He walks to his desk, picking up the small box that he's kept hidden for the past few days and sits on the bed, turning it in his hands, his stomach twisting unpleasantly with nerves. He tears his gaze away from it a few moments later and looks at the clock - ten minutes left. He can go through his speech at least one last time, add things to it, make it perfect.
He stands up and lets out a breath. He looks at the box one last time before he shoves it in one of the pockets of his hoodie.
"Okay-- okay," he mutters and starts pacing in his room. "Frank, I'm in love with you..."
Gerard has never been exactly punctual, but after all these years of being with Frank, who is really punctual, he's pretty sure some of it has rubbed off on him. He sends Frank a quick text when he's almost at his house, and when he gets there Frank is already waiting for him, sitting on the porch steps.
He grins when he sees Gerard, quickly standing up and walking up to him.
"Hey," he says and bites his lip, still grinning.
Gerard smiles, grabbing Frank's hand and lacing their fingers together. "Hey you," he says softly, leaning down and kissing Frank gently, leaving a small distance between their bodies and pulling away when Frank tries to press closer, squeezing his hand.
Frank basically drags Gerard down the street, walking backwards a few steps ahead of him and pulling on his arm to try make him walk faster. Gerard thinks of dropping Frank's hand and laugh when he falls on his ass because of the force he's using to pull Gerard, but decides against it - it just wouldn't be nice to laugh your ass off when your boyfriend falls and then expect him to say yes when you propose to him.
He ends up pulling Frank towards him instead and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Frank's arm automatically goes around his waist and his hand inside Gerard's right back pocket.
They reach the park in a few minutes - Frank doesn't live too far from it - Frank babbling excitedly about how pretty everything is going to be, and pictures.
"I'm going to take so many pictures," he says, grinning. "Of everything. Of you too, by the way, don't think you're going to get away this time."
Gerard opens his mouth to say something but Frank beats him to it.
"And I'm keeping them. None of that delete-them-later bullshit," which makes Gerard groan - he never looks good in pictures. Why does he want to marry this mean, mean person, again?
They walk around for a few minutes, Frank occasionally stopping to take a few pictures of a tree, or Gerard, or Gerard in front of a tree.
"It's just- everything is so beautiful in autumn," he says as Gerard wraps an arm around his shoulders again. "God, I love autumn. Don't you?"
Gerard smiles and pulls Frank closer, lips near his ear. "I love you," he says before kissing his temple.
"Oh my god, you're such a sap," Frank laughs and pushes him away softly, making Gerard drop his arm, so he takes advantage of that and grabs his hand. "Oh, hey, listen. Mom told me to tell you that you should come over for dinner tomorrow. I think she's planning on making you come over for dinner at least once a week. I'm starting to suspect she loves you more than she loves me."
Gerard snorts and opens his mouth to reply when he remembers, "I- wait, my mom told me that you should come over for dinner tomorrow."
Frank raises his eyebrows, chuckling. "Seriously?" Gerard nods, making Frank giggle softly. "Okay, uhm.." he swings their linked hands and bites his lip. "How about.. we all have dinner together? Say, at yours?" He asks, head cocked to the side slightly.
Gerard stares at him for a few seconds, taking Frank's perfect features in, before smiling and saying, "Yeah, sure. Sounds nice."
We could also drop the news, if you say yes, he thinks while Frank grabs his phone and texts his mom. He's wearing one of Gerard's sweaters and the sleeves are kinda long for him, so when he's typing Gerard can't see his thumb, only the cuff of the sleeve. He finds that terribly cute.
He squeezes Frank's fingers. Frank squeezes back right away.
It's actually a pretty sunny morning, so Frank decided to wear the sunglasses he had perched on the collar of his sweatshirt but offers them to Gerard a few minutes later, when he sees him squinting his eyes at the sun, who declines. Frank's sunglasses don't look as good on him as they do on Frank.
They keep walking until they reach the bridge and Gerard's stomach tightens. He had managed to take his mind off the whole proposing thing for a few minutes, letting himself enjoy the walk with Frank but now it's come back to him in full force. He's going to say things, then he's going to get down on one knee, pull out a ring and- oh god.
He's going to puke.
He's probably going to puke on Frank.
He'll die if that happens. Who wants to marry a guy who pukes on you? Nobody, that's who.
Gerard snaps out of his thoughts and realizes he's stopped walking and Frank is now looking down the bridge, forearms resting on the railing. He's got his sunglasses perched on top of his head, and he frowns when he turns his head to look at Gerard and sees him standing there.
"What are you doing over there? C'mere."
"Oh, uh.. nothing. Got distracted by.. some bird," Gerard lies, walking up to Frank and unzipping his hoodie before hugging him from behind, pressing his chest against Frank's back, making sure the pockets are not trapped between them.
He presses his lips against Frank's left shoulder blade, closing his eyes and half-listening to Frank ramble about buying a professional camera one day.
"Because, like, I love photography, yeah? But not enough to be a professional - I mean, I studied psychology for a reason. But, you know, like a hobby, or whatever."
Gerard hums absently, resting his chin on his boyfriend's shoulder and breathing in his perfume. His heart is starting to beat faster now, and he's sure Frank can feel it but god, he can't calm down. He's thought about this moment so much, and he was almost convinced that he could do this but now they're here and-- he can't do this, he's gonna fuck up and make a fool of himself. He just can't, he can't. He's not going to--
"Frank, you know I love you, right?" He blurts out, his voice slightly higher than usual.
Fuck. Well, he can't back out now.
"Yeah, I do. I love you too, G," Frank says softly. Then, after a small pause he adds, "Are you okay? Your heart's going like crazy," he chuckles.
"Yeah I uh-- Frankie, you make me so happy," he lets go of his boyfriend and takes a step back, allowing him to turn around, a curious expression on his face. He desperately tries to remember his speech. "And-- before I met you, I never wanted to get up in the morning - already dreaded the day ahead of me. Now... now I wish days had more hours so I could spend them all with you. You're the most beautiful person to ever walk this planet and I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I'm so glad I have you."
He can barely hear his own words over the sound of his heart beating. He has a feeling it looks like in those cartoons where the heart is beating out of his chest, and he's tempted to check, just in case, but he can't look away from Frank's eyes.
"You've always been there for me, even when I didn't deserve it. You just-- you're perfect, you're the most important thing in my life and I love you so much sometimes I think I'm going crazy," He chuckles nervously. "You're my first thought in the morning and my last one at night. I know I'll never feel this way about someone else, ever. So..."
He reaches his hand into his pocket and Frank's eyes follow the motion, realizing what's going on, and quickly snapping back to Gerard's face, whispering "Holy shit" right before Gerard gets down on one knee, pulling out the small velvet box and opening it, wishing his hands stopped shaking.
"I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Frank," Gerard says, and watches as Frank lets out a shaky breath, gaze flickering between the ring and Gerard's face. Gerard takes a deep breath. "Will you marry me?" He asks, mentally thanking God for being able to keep his voice steady enough.
Frank covers his face with both hands and breathes deeply and Gerard's sure he can hear his heart shattering. He closes his eyes. Frank's going to say no. He thought he was prepared for this but he is not. He's going to reject Gerard in a matter of seconds because he is“too young for this kind of commitment” and they will probably end up breaking up and Gerard will spend the rest of his life alone and he will die miserable and alone--
"Yes," he hears Frank say in a shaky voice when he uncovers his face and snaps out of his thoughts. "Oh my god," Frank whispers, eyes red and filled with tears.
Gerard’s heart stops.
"I'm-- Yes?" He asks dumbly, then feels his face split into a grin when Frank nods quickly a few times, his grin matching Gerard's.
"Yes! Fuck, Gee, yes. Oh my god."
Frank throws himself at him the moment he stands up, kissing him hard. A few people that had stopped at the start of the bridge the moment Gerard got down on one knee start clapping, making them smile so wide they have to break the kiss.
"Oh my god, are you crying?" Gerard asks, wiping the tears away from Frank's face.
"Shut up idiot, you're crying too," Frank laughs, doing the same for Gerard.
Gerard lets out a laugh, his thumb now stroking Frank’s cheek. He’s dying to kiss Frank again. He wants to kiss him until they're both breathless and have no other option but to break apart, but he can't stop grinning, and neither can Frank, so he just hugs his boyfriend - fiancé, a voice in his mind corrects him - tightly, hiding his face in his neck.
He hears Frank say something a few seconds later, but it's muffled by his shoulder, so he pulls back. He frowns slightly, worried in case Frank was telling him he was suffocating him. It's not like Gerard is big or anything but let's be real, Frank is tiny.
"What?" Gerard asks. "Was I hurting you?"
Frank breathes out a laugh. "You're not that strong," he says, and giggles at Gerard's offended expression. "I said that I love you," he smiles softly.
"Oh," Gerard smiles. "I love you too."
And this time, when he leans down, he's able to stop smiling long enough to kiss Frank, to really feel the softness of his lips, and the way Frank’s fingers are buried in his hair. Gerard pulls him closer as they kiss deeply, not caring in the slightest about anyone else there, lost in the moment and each other.
It's only when he presses the hand clutching the box against the small of Frank's back that Frank makes a noise and breaks the kiss, grinning. He lifts his hand and wiggles his fingers a bit.
"Ring," he says, excited. Gerard blinks at Frank's hand, confused for a second and--
"Oh! Right. Ring, of course," he blushes and mentally smacks himself for being an idiot. Apparently, even after all these years, Frank can still make him forget about the most important things with just a kiss. He hates those lips.
But he loves them. A lot.
He lets go of Frank and opens the box again. Even though he's already done the hard part, his hands are still shaking slightly. Frank doesn't say anything though, and Gerard is grateful for that. He takes the ring out and slips it over Frank's finger, grinning when it fits perfectly. Stealing one of Frank's favorite rings and then feeling guilty as fuck when Frank got really sad when he couldn't find it was totally worth it in the end.
"I can't believe you didn't get me a huge diamond," Frank laughs, looking at his ring. Gerard rolls his eyes, but he's smiling. Frank looks up at him then and places his hands on either side of Gerard's neck. "It's perfect, seriously."
Gerard leans down and kisses Frank once, and then again, and again. "I'm glad you like it," he mumbles in between kisses.
They hold each other close for a few moments, foreheads touching, until Frank suddenly giggles and says, "You totally proposed to me, holy shit. Mom's gonna flip."
Gerard grins, because Linda is totally going to flip. She’ll probably start crying and will ask about every single detail of how it happened.
He thinks about his mom next and--
"My mom is going to smack me in the head for keeping it from her all this time," he frowns.
Frank totally laughs at him, throwing his head back, but Gerard can't even pretend to be annoyed- he's way too happy, too in love.
He said yes.