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Shades of Stabler

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Olivia has never been one to take risks in her personal life. She likes to stay in her comfort zone, what she's always known. But for him, she would take on her biggest fears. For him, she would jump off the Brooklyn Bridge if he needed her to. For him, she would find the line between pleasure and pain, love and hate, beginning and end. For him, she would burn down the world and start it anew.

When Kathy was murdered, Elliot Stabler's entire life changed. He abruptly stormed back into Olivia's life like a hurricane ready to upturn everything. When she laid her eyes on him that night, everything she thought she knew exploded around her. Her world came apart and came together all in a split glance into his familiar blue eyes. Every ounce of love she thought she had hidden came flooding back ready to drown her like a tsunami from within. They could have been everything, yet there she was trying to find the pieces of herself that had just shattered everywhere. All the missed opportunities over the last decade flashed before her eyes. She yearned for the what-ifs that would never be because the past is only but a memory. She wanted to be mad at him with every fiber in her being, but how could she be angry with someone she spent a decade craving to see just one more time?

Olivia, being the person she is, tried her hardest to be there for Elliot. She would try to pry him open so he would talk to her, only for him to shut down more. He said his life had turned to chaos, and that he needed some sort of order. It moved her world because she understood it more than he knew. When all control was ripped from her, she found herself searching for it in the smallest details of her life. Elliot wanted that power and control back and Olivia was the only one who would be able to help him. Little did he know, Olivia was willing to do anything for him- her love for him gave her no other choice. She would carry him through anything if he asked. So, there she stood, right where he told her to wait for him, in his playroom. Bare to the world, wearing nothing but a black lace push-up bra and matching panties. She was going to give him control, utter dominance over her.

Olivia's eyes search the room she stands in, trying to familiarize herself with the surroundings. The walls are made of mahogany wood; the ceiling, covered in horizontal bars running across it. Chains, crops, canes, rope, and paddles cover the shelves to the left of the room – and to the right, more sex toys than Olivia had ever seen, most she didn't even recognize. What was she thinking getting herself into this? Honestly, whenever he told her he loved her in front of his family, all her rational thinking went out the window. Whenever he had asked if she trusted him, she had laughed. She trusted Elliot with her life and with her entire heart. She's secretly loved him for over 20 years. She stood there lying herself before him, to be his submissive. He could have all that she is.

Olivia hears his faint footsteps coming down the hallway and with each step she wants to hide. She's never been so exposed to someone in her life. She takes in a shaky breath, the smell of leather and the lingering scent of him fills her system making her breath hitch in her throat. Suddenly, her knees feel weak, and she feels the want to run, but she forces her feet to remain steady in place. She's doing this for him and for herself. He needs it. She needs it. They need it. She's decided that even if she's only getting part of him, it'll be enough. It's better than nothing, and just maybe someday she'll have all of him.

His footsteps stop outside of the door, and Olivia takes one more breath while she can still control her breathing. In the doorway stands Elliot Stabler, in all his glory, in a white button-up with the sleeves rolled up to the elbow exposing his forearms. His black dress pants cling to him in all the right areas making it impossible for Olivia to look away. He's always been her weakness. But her nipples tighten beneath the fabric of her bra at the sight of him, and her eyes immediately dart to the ground knowing he will be able to see the effect he's already having on her.

"Look at me, Olivia," Elliot says sternly, causing her heart to lurch in her chest at the sound of her full name on his lips. The sound of it rolling off his tongue does something deep within her that she will never be able to put into words.

"Yes, sir," she says quietly as her eyes flutter up to meet him. In her mind she finds herself chanting: be submissive, obey his every command, trust him, and be rewarded with pleasure. Giving over all her control leaves her feeling anxious but also relieved because she doesn't have to make any decisions. She doesn't have to worry she's going to make a mistake that'll displease him, because she's doing exactly what he wants her to do. Obeying him is what he needs, and if it's what makes him happy then Olivia is willing to try what he asks of her.

Those ocean blue eyes she loves so much bore into hers, and it's like her lungs suddenly no longer know how to function. She watches his gaze travel down her body and stop when he gets to her chest. His eyesight lingers and her inner self cheers because her bra is doing exactly what she wants it to do to him. Her eyes drift down his body, again, but this time to find an outline of his growing cock. She smirks to herself and blushes. Damn, she's more ready for this than she thought she was.

He looks up and his lust-filled eyes meet hers catching where her stare had been. The look he's giving her makes her insides clench and tingle with desire.

He says a little quieter than he anticipated, "Do you trust me?"

Does he really think that she, Olivia Benson, would be standing here with all of herself on display for him if she didn't trust him with her entirety?

Her voice almost fails her as she says, "Yes, of course, I do, Elliot."

He nods as if he is trying to reassure himself as he begins to walk towards her. Her heart stammers within her chest so loudly she's convinced he can hear it. This is happening. Elliot is going to touch her for the first time in a decade, in a way she's yearned for over 20 years.

He places his hands on her shoulders and pushes her back a few steps to position her under one of the horizontal bars that run along the ceiling. Already hanging from the bar are fabric restraints. Everything inside her flutters as she realizes what he's going to do next.

"Give me your hands," Elliot commands, and instantly her hands are in his.

"Yes, sir," she whispers.

He takes her left wrist above her head to the black, fabric cuff where he secures her wrists snugly.

"Is that too tight?" He asks, concern lacing his voice. He glances down for reassurance.

"No, it's fine," Olivia says looking at him. Her nostrils are filled with the intoxicating smell of him, and she can't get her brain to work enough to put more words together. Does he know what he's doing to her? Just the scent of him is erotic, let alone his touch and whatever else he has planned out for her.

"I can tell you're nervous, Liv. I'll go easy on you, so breathe for me. I can't have you fainting in restraints." Elliot reassures her as he puts her right wrist in the remaining cuff. She lets out an unstable breath she didn't realize she was holding.

"I'm trying to prepare myself, El," she mentions as she tries to breathe deeply through her anxiety.

"Nothing can prepare you for the way I'm going to fuck you, Liv," Elliot declares as he puts the final touches on the restraints. Olivia is lost in thought when he guides a hand lightly down her arm to bring it to her face, to bring her back to reality, and she can't help but lean her face into the caress. The touch is gentle, holding more meaning than any of his words could say. God, how has she ever known any different than this? His touch feels so natural to her as if the second half of her has finally found its place at last.

Instantaneously, the air is laced with electricity and they both feel it. Suddenly, Elliot, himself, is finding it hard to breathe. Control, he needs control. He can't let himself feel because every feeling he has for her takes him off guard. Her breathing stops when he steps away from her, and she bites down on her bottom lip.

"Don't do that, or I will have to take you, right now," he remarks with his back to her as he walks across the room to the right side. The anticipation of what he is going to get makes the wetness immediately pool between Olivia's legs.

She watches as his hands sensually graze across the toys among the shelves. She never thought this would be how their first time would be. Hell, she never really thought there would be a first time. He picks up something she's all too familiar with, a white, body massager. A small moan escapes her lips, and she pulls against her restraints. Now, she knows exactly what torture he has planned for her, and her body bows at the thought.

"Fuck, Liv, I haven't even touched you yet. You're so eager, baby," Elliot laughs as he turns around to walk back to her, vibrator in hand.

"Elliot…" she trails off in warning. She knew she wouldn't last long with this torture before she would be begging for him to be inside of her.

"Olivia, when you agreed to this, you agreed to be mine. Meaning all of you is mine including your pussy, to do with as I see fit," he utters powerfully without hesitation. He walks behind her and places the vibrator on a table and comes back around to face her. He kneels before and latches his fingers in her lace panties so he can slide them down her long, tanned legs. This is it; he's going to see all that she is. Suddenly, Olivia can't feel herself anymore, and her body is heavy to hold up. How does he do this to her? Her scent travels through the air as he slowly pulls her panties off, and a small groan escapes Elliot.

"You smell so good, baby. I could devour you," Elliot growls at her, drunk on her scent, as his eyes remain locked on her small patch of hair. She's naked in all the right spots that he loves. He walks behind her again to compose himself and get the vibrator from the table.

Olivia swallows, she never thought she would hear him say those words. She wanted to tell him to do it, but her words failed her, in the moment. Fuck, it was so unbelievably hot to hear him talk about her this way. This all had to be a dream, and she was internally begging herself to never wake up, again.

"Spread your legs for me," Elliot commands her as he comes to stand in front of her, again.

He didn't have to ask her twice because her legs fell apart for him, instantly, "Yes, sir."

He stands before her and turns the vibrator on. Olivia gasps with anticipation knowing what is coming next, this is really happening. As if in slow motion, she eagerly watches him place the buzzing toy between her legs at the little bundle of nerves. She whimpers loudly as her body harshly convulses forward at the intense sensation. The vibrations run through her body pulling a moan from the deepest part of her throat. She can feel her blood flow instantly change directions.

"Do you know how many years I've spent imagining this, Olivia? You don't cum until I say you do," he quickly pulls the vibrator away from her throbbing core, ending the assault on her. Olivia's soul feels like it's been sucked from her being. Before she could register her emotions, it was back on her making her squirm and yelp with pleasure.

"El, please," she muttered out in between her sounds of ecstasy. She wanted to crawl out of her skin as he moved the vibrating toy up and down her slit. She could feel her wetness starting to trail down her inner thighs, he was wrecking her. Her neck rolled backward as her body went weak with pure bliss. The violence on her felt like it had gone on for hours before he finally responded to her.

"Please, what?" He asks her, the strain in his pants growing entirely too uncomfortable.

"Please," she stuttered, the vibrations coursing through her body cutting her words short. Fuck, she had never felt something so good. All coming from him. "Please, let me cum," she finally pushes out.

"I like it when you beg," he pulls away from the torturous vibrator and disappears behind her once more. She whimpers at the abandonment. She could still feel the vibrations coursing through her from her aching core.

This is what she's spent decades waiting for his touch to grace her skin. For him to touch her inside and out. For their burning love to finally meet and melt into one. For him to make her cry out in pleasure and beg for him. For him to destroy her and make her whole, again.

Olivia gasps as Elliot's hand grasps her throat roughly from behind. He pulls her head back to where his mouth is level with her ear and he whispers, each word landing its blow, "Now, that you're dripping for me, I'm going to fuck you hard, Liv."

Her toes curled at his declaration, and she moaned as he gave her throat a tight squeeze before he pulled away from her. He was going to devour her soul tonight, and she knew it. She could hear the light sound of his belt buckle coming undone, and her folds tingled with a hunger that she didn't know was possible. She feels his rough, callused hands come across her back to undo her bra.

He comes around to face her in nothing but his open, white button-up. He takes in a sharp breath as he takes in the view he has before him. She's aged so beautifully. Her perky tits sit waiting for his touch. She lets out a small groan seeing where his sight has landed.

"They're yours," Olivia reminds him.

He growls, and in one swift motion, Elliot aggressively lifts her into the air, and she immediately wraps her legs tightly around his waist. She can feel his bare hard-on pushing against her ass, and she groans inwardly at the sensation. He's so close to her, they are so close, and her mind fogs at the realization. She just wants him inside of her. Elliot lets his hands grip her perfect ass tight like he's wanted to do for so many years. He can't believe she's here and in his possession for him to do with as he pleases. He leans his head down to place gentle kisses along with her tits before taking a mouthful of one into his mouth. Olivia moans and adjusts her hands in her restraints so she's gripping them for leverage. She uses the opportunity to grind herself against his belly to get a reaction out of him.

"Liv," he bites out at her before sliding his hand between them to position himself at her soaking entrance. With one quick movement, he rams into her drawing loud moans from the both of them. At last, they are together. After so many years of waiting for the slightest touch, the smallest glance, the right words- they are here. Olivia has never felt so filled before, so whole. All the stars and planets feel like they've aligned to bring them to this moment. She tries to remind herself to breathe, but the feeling of him finally inside of her has stolen all her thoughts. Her lower stomach clenches trying to adjust to his full length, but before she has a chance to, he's already pulled out and pushed himself in to the hilt, again.

"Fuck, Elliot," she moans. He's stretching her past what she's ever known, and it causes her head to shoot forward and land on his shoulder. Having him so deep inside her brings out a primal feeling from within and causes her to bite down on him. The taste of salty sweat greets her tongue. She gently lets up and soothes the area with her tongue, hoping she didn't leave a mark on her dominant. His movements start to pick up, and each thrust feels like he's shoving himself into her throat. Her stomach hollows out at the feeling of him. With each harsh plunge into her wetness, it's like he's trying to bury every individual feeling he has for her.

She can feel her climax building, but she needs more, "Please, El, touch me." She hopes he gets the point she's trying to make to him because she doesn't know if she can explain, right now. The sweet sound of their bodies slapping together blurs her train of thought.

His hand slips from the grasp he has on her ass to come between them. His thumb grazes across Olivia's clit giving her the right amount of friction causing her head to fly backward as she yells out.

"Yes, El, please let me cum," She begs in between the echoing moans she's letting out. Her hips grind into his trying to get him as deep as he possibly can go.

Elliot starts to drive his length in and out of her quicker, "Let go, Liv. Cum for me," he growls out. He can feel his own climax peaking, so he rubs her clit faster to keep up with him.

This sends Olivia overboard. Suddenly, she's crashing and falling for him, falling harder than she ever knew she could. No man in her past has left her feeling this high before. She's clenching and crying out for all they never were and all they would be. Back arching for every late-night that she spent up touching herself to the thought of him wishing he was in her instead of her fingers.

Elliot swiftly pulls out, easing Olivia's wobbly legs back onto the ground before he takes himself in hand and explodes all over the curves of her stomach, down to her core. Olivia gasps loudly at the shock and finds herself wanting him back inside her all over, again. Fuck, what was he doing to her?

He comes down from his high and reaches behind her to grab a towel to clean up his mess.

"I didn't know you could look more beautiful, Liv, yet here you are looking more stunning than ever," he swoons at her before he gently places his hand on her face, kissing her on the lips. He rubs his thumb across her bottom lip. God, she was so delectable. Olivia's breath stops in her throat. Did he just kiss her? She wanted more, she wanted all of it, all of him. She had to remind herself to have patience. This was only the beginning of their agreement, and she knew it would take more time for him to open further to her. She wasn't going to push him, because she knew what it was like to be in search of some sort of control.

"Let me get you out of these restraints, baby," Elliot reaches above her head and undoes the cuffs for her. Weak from recent events, she collapses in his arms. He holds her close to his still reeling body and breathes in the sweet aromas of her. The weight of her in his arms feels like his world is finally coming together.

Olivia's eyes flutter up to meet his stunning, azure eyes, "I…"

I love you too, she wanted to finally tell him, but she couldn't utter the words. She couldn't make it real, couldn't speak it into existence because then that would mean she was putting her heart on the line to be broken. She didn't ever want to know the day without his love. She had spent so long wondering if she would ever see him, again, if he would ever come back to her. He's finally back in her life and admitted his feelings for her, and she can't do the same for him. What was wrong with her?

"What were you going to say, Liv?" He asks her curiously looking into her dark chocolate eyes.

"Nothing, El. Thank you for tonight," she trails off. Her heart shrivels up inside her. Nothing, El. Nothing.

"No, thank you for tonight," he says, helping her stand up before him. His eyes, resembling lapis lazuli, glisten as they look into Olivia's umber eyes. He tucks stray hairs behind her ear, letting his fingers drift across her cheek. His ego shoves itself in the way of him saying what he truly wants. Her hands are in his and he gives them the slightest squeeze, and a strong urge to confess his love surfaces at the tip of his tongue.

Her heart feels as though it may abandon her with the look he is giving her. His feelings are pouring from him, and it's nearly suffocating for her. She's been buried in broken dreams and heartache for so long, what if this is her only chance to tell him? She's knee-deep in the quicksand that's her emotions for him, sinking quickly, and only he can save her.

"I love you too," Olivia whispers the secret she's kept from him, making it real to the universe. She couldn't bear hiding herself anymore. They just crossed a line they would never come back from. She hears his breathing halt, so she raises her hand to his cheek.

"Breathe, El," she murmurs to him. She lifts herself onto her tiptoes to bring her lips lightly to his. His hand comes to rest on the back of her head so that he can get a better angle at the kiss. The air is crackling with their love. How have they ever survived without one another? So many years that had to be spent wasted just so they could be brought to this moment.