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Alone? Not anymore

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‘Stay calm, don’t make any noise, don’t fucking move.’ The thoughts circled around Ivan’s brain for what seemed the 50th time already, preventing him from doing any of the things he knew he shouldn’t do. The boy was as still as he could be, one or two limbs shaking from time to time but otherwise he stood still. He did not know what else he could do right now. Walk away? Say something? Throw Luchino a cigarette? Nah, staying still and unnoticed was fine.

Just how long had he been standing there? Luchino had been on his knees for quite some time, 10 minutes at best; wouldn’t his knees hurt? The ground was pretty hard and rocks were all over the place. The bastard wasn’t crying, was he? Ivan could imagine a lot of things, his mind was pretty creative – but a man like the higher ranked captain crying was something beyond his imagination. It was too unsettling and impossible, at least for the younger man. But come to think of it, how much did the two know about each other? All they did know about each other was that they were both piss annoying and arrogant to one another; the only conversations they had were usually just them opposing their views or having petty fights that would be silenced by Cavalli or Gian. The only thing they probably respected was the other one’s manpower but that was about it. That and the fact that they could both make a girl drop her shirt in less than 5 seconds.

The half-Italian had heard only a small part of the womanizer’s past and was never interested enough to pester the boss into telling him more. His family died two years ago or some shit, was it? Of fucking course that was it, why else would he be standing in front of two fucking graves probably sobbing his eyes out? Ivan did feel bad for the older man, but he never had full understanding of what he was going through. The only ‘love’ Ivan had felt was when he had one-night stands with hot chicks back in high school; actual love was too… stupid to him. He saw no point in grabbing a random woman and eating each other’s faces out until you got tired or death splits you apart. Emotional bonds meant absolutely nothing to him, everything was pointless, stupid, and it took away your freedom. It was a mystery to him why so many people have made marriage their main goal in life.

Besides, why would Ivan even bother to put himself in Luchino’s shoes? He didn’t care for that giant, he never cared for anyone but himself anyway, he didn’t give a single shit. If it were Gian in the womanizer’s place, Ivan would have laughed and mocked the older boy without stopping. But if Ivan ever dared to treat Luchino the same way, he would either: a) get his ass kicked, b) get his behind beaten or c) get his limbs broken. Neither one of the options were pleasant, the thought alone made Ivan flinch and close his eyes in terror. Luchino was more than 200 lbs of muscle – his pinky could probably carry more weight than both of Ivan’s arms could at the same time. The scar on the older man’s face didn’t make him any less scary either. And that brutal glare… it made Ivan wonder how in the name of fuck he got so many girls head over heels for him. Maybe the ladies digged abnormally big and tough guys with scars?

The young Mafioso was so caught up in his thoughts about his superior that he didn’t realize his eyes were closed long enough for the pink-haired giant himself to get up and stand against him. As soon as Ivan opened his eyes and glanced up, he jumped out of his skin upon seeing sharp pink eyes staring, no, glaring down at him. He lost his balance for awhile before freezing again, his gaze locked into Luchino’s. The taller man’s eyes looked a bit wet; it was definitely not a trick by the sun. The corners of his eyes were pretty red in comparison to the skin on his face, which looked pretty pinkish itself. Shit. Fuck. Shitshitshit. How long had Luchino been staring at him, shit.
“The- The fuck do you want?” Ivan stammered, as if he was the one who should be asking that, feeling his heart race from the sudden scare.

Luchino let his silent, yet frightening glare speak for him. It told Ivan that he fucked up, he knew he fucked up, he fucked up badly, very badly. Both mafiosos didn’t move a muscle, letting the soft summer breeze play with their hair as they stood like statues, just looking at each other. Ivan felt himself getting more and more fearful as seconds passed by, not even sure why. Sure, a muscle-building man with temper problems was mad at him, maybe wanted to put him in a coma, but he’s dealt with similar cases and he’s made it alive. Well, not exactly the same, but you catch my drift.

Ivan could see Luchino’s fists shaking by his sides. The next (and probably last) thing he was going to see were stars, that’s all he could think about. As he tensed his muscles up, bracing himself for the impact he knew was coming, he got exactly the opposite of what he was expecting.

“The fuck are you going?!” Ivan screamed at the captain who had just turned his back and started to walk away. Was he just going to pretend this never happened?

“…” Luchino stopped for a brief moment before moving his feet again.

Ivan hated a lot of things. One of them being when people flat out ignore him and run away from their problems – it was a total pussy move. He got furious and started chasing the other captain without any hesitation, clawing at his coat. Luchino paid zero attention at the weight on his back that was dragging him down and kept walking as if nothing around him existed anymore. The smaller captain was getting frantic, grabbing fistfuls of the leather and clinging onto it like a cat on a curtain, until he felt something poke his hand. Yelling out the usual ‘fuck’ and ‘shit’ he quickly dug into one of the pockets, pulling out a needle, supposedly the one that poked his palm. As soon as he realized the type of substance that filled it, he let go of Luchino and stared at the item with eyes growing wide.

“Are you doing drugs… you fucking basta—“

A loud ‘slap!’ echoed through the cemetery after a large hand harshly grabbed Ivan’s tiny wrist. Soon enough the captains were back to their little staring match, their expressions a lot more serious now. Both men were enraged; Ivan because of the fact that his… well, he wasn’t really a friend, more like collogue, was doing something as stupid as drugs. And Luchino for being caught, of course. His sharp gaze was saying “let it go, just let it go and nobody will be in trouble”, the more stubborn boy’s blue eyes replying a “no, explain this shit.”

The longer they stood against one another, the stronger the grip on Ivan’s wrist became. The half-Italian felt like it was about to break under the pressure, but his will and ultimate stubbornness refused to let him lose grip on the syringe. The womanizer was more or less impressed, but his wrath blinded him from every other feeling; he just wanted his source of emotional relief back and to walk away from this.

“So this is the shit you’ve been doing during your ‘sick days’, huh?! Getting your dirty ass high? Right in front of your fucking family too, huh?!” Ivan couldn’t give two shits if he was being disrespectful towards his superior or not, someone needed to hit that big baboon with a sense of reality before it was too late.
“Shut up, you American brat!” Luchino almost instantly spat back, his grip getting tighter with strength he didn’t even know he possessed until now. “And what exactly do you know about family? You’ve always been a fucking tramp that never fit into any crowd, a loner, a wolf away from a pack it was never a part of!”

“…” Ivan felt his breathing slowing down for a few seconds, maybe a faint pain in the heart.
But nothing stopped him from sending a kick aiming right at the Italian’s gut, causing him to cough and send his hands flying to his stomach, giving the chance for the younger one to get a hold of the syringe.

Both men hadn’t noticed that the sky was getting dark, the wind was starting to howl mercilessly, faint sounds of thunder were getting louder; it was obviously about to rain and a probably a shitstorm was coming along with it.

“Fuck! Oi, let’s get the fuck out of here!” the young captain said loud enough for the groaning man to hear, before turning his back and getting ready to flee.

Ivan nearly choked when he felt his chokers being pulled back aggressively, his body immediately being smacked down in a mud puddle after. He let out a pained cry as he felt his short hair getting pulled up, forcing him to look right at Luchino’s face. He couldn’t tell if he was looking at tears or rain drops racing down the man’s face. Either way, what the fuck was all this about?

“What the fuck are you doing, shithead?!”


“You want your fucking drugs, here ya go! Asswipe!” Ivan threw the syringe at the Luchino’s chest, gritting his teeth.

What the hell was this guy’s problem? Why wasn’t he opening his cocky mouth like he usually did? The rain was getting heavier and both of the captain’s clothes were soaked to the point they uncomfortably stuck to their skin. Ivan’s screams, curses and attempts to get out of the larger man’s grasp were completely unnoticed, almost inaudible to Luchino. The womanizer bowed his head down, letting his pink hair glue itself to his face, propping Ivan up lightly, enough for their faces to bump each other’s shoulders. Ivan wanted to scream ‘homo!’ so fucking loud but the lump in his throat didn’t let him speak.

The buzzing in his ears and the loud rain made it hard for the younger boy to make out anything that came out of Luchino’s mouth. Was he sobbing? Was he mumbling something? Was he actually just being quiet? Ivan didn’t know, Ivan didn’t care. God, he was fucking tired and, although wet, being in someone else’s arms didn’t make him less comfortable.

He had to mentally slap himself and bang his head somewhere to remind himself how homosexual and disgusting that sounded.

“..’m sor..ry”

Did Ivan hear right or was he hallucinating? Fuck that, seeing Luchino in such a weak state was already surprising enough. The all mighty, confident, tough, manly, charming brick wall was showing weakness, to Ivan nonetheless? Was he honestly so desperate for pity? No, not pity. Support. Support he never received for 2 years after having to keep his tough-guy image for the sake of the family and his reputation. Ivan understood, he could finally relate to someone. As much as he hated to admit it, Luchino was right; Ivan had always been a lone wolf, but he eventually got used to the idea that nobody would be there for him.

After what seemed half an hour of comforting the sobbing and shaking mess, the younger captain got up, yelling and complaining about how uncomfortable he felt in his soaked clothes. Luchino seemed to be back to normal in a snap, being quick to laugh and make snarky comments, earning himself a usual small fight. Both men said their goodbyes to Charlene and Alice, threw away the syringe, and called a taxi for home.


“Gian,” Bernardo whispered as he gestured the blond to come closer, which he obeyed. “Have you noticed something… unusual lately?”

“About Iva—“


“Sorry!” Gian apologized as he got his tone down a bit, “but yeah, that moron’s been acting strange lately.”

“So has Luchino…” the greenete scratched his chin in confusion, proceeding to gossip with his friend about the other two captains.

Meanwhile, the two men in question were smoking out on their veranda. Yes, their veranda. They willingly let Gian move out of, what was previously, Ivan’s room so he could have his own one, like he wanted from the start, and Luchino would move in instead. Cavalli and the blond were very confused but the lucky dog did NOT want to miss out yet another lucky opportunity that fell into his hands.

Back to the other two. Ivan was shirtless and his roommate was in a bath robe, both smoking thin cigarettes. Luchino missed his cigars, but he promised that he would try Ivan’s American brand of cigarettes that he was up and preaching about for a few days. Truth be told, they tasted like shit and the older man was not one to tell a white lie.

“Ivan, this brand is crap.” He said bluntly while putting his cigarette out.

“Shut up! Want me to prove you wrong in bed tonight, huh?!” Ivan replied harshly, earning a chuckle.

The two captain’s relationship drastically changed ever since that little breakdown incident. They became closer, started spending their breaks together, smoked together, talked about deep-things, not-so-deep things, and sure enough they became fuck buddies as they liked to call it. They weren’t open about it but the other captains, especially Bernardo, whose room was right under theirs, were already getting hints.

“Heh, you weren’t do confident last night when you were all ‘oh luchino~ please, let me cum, please ah~’ “ Luchino said as he did a ridiculous uke impression before pulling out a cigar from nowhere and lighting it up.

“Fuck!” Ivan yelled as he banged his fist on the wall, his face red from both anger and embarrassment, “Well, I bet I’m a lot fucking better than your wife was!”

Silence. Luchino’s silence was a sign that Ivan fucked up. Fucked up very badly.

“… Hey, Ivan,” Luchino smirked as he inhaled some smoke, “I’m going to fuck your ass so hard tonight you won’t be able to move for a week. In your own car, too. And I will be laughing so hard when you have to lick your semen out of your seats~”

“W-who the fuck said I’m going to lick it? I can just take it to-“

“Who said you have a choice?”