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True Desires

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She's mad. The way she snaps at me that she's not going to sit around and do nothing while a room full of babies need help… yeah, I must have pissed her off just a little bit.

In the on-call room, I had lost myself in her body, her lips, her intoxicating warmth. But as soon as I heard my pager go off, reality came rushing back. As much as I desire this gorgeous woman, I cannot allow myself to fall into her the way I want. So, I glanced at the page and then into her hazel eyes, and I took a step back.

"I can't do this. I can't cheat on my wife. I have to go." I had moved to leave the room, but she stopped me with a question.

"Then why did you just kiss me back?"

I bit my bottom lip, unsure if I could put my thoughts into words. "Because you're right about something. I want to lose control sometimes, and God knows I want to lose control with you." I shook my head. "But right now, I can't. I have to help my patients. Please just keep a distance from me, okay? I can't… " I hesitated. "I can't be close to you and not want you. And I can't betray my marriage or hurt my wife. I just can't."

Without allowing Lauren to respond, I'd opened the door and fled. Now here she is, only a few feet from me, avoiding my gaze because she's just as much of a control freak as I am, and she doesn't like being told what to do.

I make my way over to a few patient charts and try to focus on the words, yet I can't help but look at Lauren. I admire her body from a distance, my eyes drifting from her slender waist to her tempting, exposed neck and then back down. Even her legs, covered in dark, loose scrubs, draw me in. To have those legs wrapped around me… I force my thoughts to stop, and I glance up to find Lauren looking at me. She's not impressed. She drops the forms that were in her hands and stalks forward. Not stopping until she's inches from my face, I catch my breath at how stunning Lauren looks even when she's angry.

"Arizona, if you don't want to act on your thoughts, then why don't you stop thinking them?" She asks, mouth pursed.

"I'm sorry?" I scan her lips and subconsciously lick my own.

"I can feel your eyes on me. Since I met you, I haven't been able to stop feeling them on me. I want you, Arizona, and I know you want me. So act on it," she pauses. "Or stop checking me out."

Without another word, she saunters off. I lower my gaze to her back, her ass, her legs… and then I realize I'm doing exactly what Lauren just asked me not to do. I jerk my gaze away and chastise myself for not being able to focus. For the next few hours, I keep a firm grip on my willpower. I avoid Lauren, only pay attention to my patients and other staff, and purposely keep to myself as much as possible. And then, when I hear a voice behind me, calling my name, my focus is thrown.

"Arizona!" I turn to see Callie running in my direction. She pulls me into a tight hug, and I hug her back, although I'm confused by her sudden presence. When we pull apart, she explains.

"My cell died, and I haven't had a chance to find you, and I've been so worried about you since the power outage downstairs-" I interrupt.

"Power outage?"

"Yeah, you haven't heard? It's been crazy hectic in the ER." Her hand slides along my cheek. "I'm just so glad you're okay. I had to check on you."

I smile at her. "I'm okay."

"Good, great. Now that I know you're alright, I have to get back down there. Come and find me later?" Callie brushes a quick kiss on my cheek and hurries away. As soon as she turns the corner, a soft voice speaks up from behind me.

"Do you want her in the same way that you want me?" Lauren mumbles from nearby, so others can't hear. She's leaning her shoulder against the wall, and her arms are crossed. She looks genuinely curious.

"What do you mean?"

"Pretty simple, I think.” She shrugs. “Do you find yourself looking at your wife the way that you look at me? Do you kiss her… the way that you kissed me in that on-call room?" She edges closer and whispers in my ear. "Have you been able to concentrate for the last few hours? Because all I've thought about is how much I want you." Lauren's lips flutter against my ear. "Let yourself go, Arizona. I promise, I'll catch you."

With Lauren's warm breath on my cheek and the scent of her perfume in the air around us, I no longer want to force down my desires. I want to satisfy them.

I glance around to ensure our solitude before gripping Lauren's shirt and pulling her with me to a nearby shelving unit. I push her beside it and then promptly forget everything I've ever taught myself about being in control. My lips press against Lauren's in a heated, to-hell-with-the-rest-of-the-world, passionate kiss. When my tongue touches hers, the adrenaline that surges through my body is exhilarating. This woman makes me feel a type of euphoria that has been avoiding me since the crash. And damn, if I don't want to capture that feeling and bottle it up.

I clutch at Lauren's waist, and I pull her hips against mine. I hear her moan and I feel powerful and utterly, wonderfully lost in the moment.


I hear the words from behind, and I tense because I know that voice. I pull away from Lauren, and I see her peer over my shoulder. Her expression is of shock, and I'm sure mine reeks of guilt. She looks at me, and I know that our moment is over.

Lauren walks around me, leaving my wife and I alone in the empty corridor. I know that in the moments to follow, I will have to come clean with her and open up about my thoughts and actions. But right now, in this very second, I can't help but wonder just how doomed our relationship really is. Because at the very least, I've spent the last two days thinking about a stunning woman who is not the woman I married. And I'm left with a painful thought: can Callie and I work through this? And more importantly, do I even want us to?