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Guilty Conscience

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The next morning she woke up feeling extremely comfortable. Her mind flashed back to last night.  Kissing Elliot. Crying in his arms. Falling asleep.  She realized she was still in his arms, so she allowed herself to enjoy it for a moment.  And then the image came unbidden again. She frantically shot up out of Elliot's arms, causing him to wake up. 

"Liv. Are you ok?" He asked. 

"I'm fine." She replied.  

"Did I scare you?" He asked. 

"No, no. It's just... I need to get Noah to school.  Will you wait for me?"

"Of course," He replied. 

Olivia quickly got Noah up and ready for school. Before she left, she said to Elliot "I'll be back in an hour, make yourself comfortable."

After dropping Noah off at school, she stopped by the bakery for two breakfast muffins and two coffees. As she slowly made her way back to her apartment, she tried to figure out what to say to Elliot. She certainly couldn't drop her issues on him. She knew she wanted him, but was unable to get past the pain and guilt of Kathy.

She walked back into the apartment, set her keys and purse on the counter, and then made her way to the couch where Elliot was watching tv. She sat down, and he put his arm around her. She leaned in to kiss him, and dipped her tongue into his mouth, pulling him closer. After a minute, she grabbed one of his hands and put it on her breast. Elliot stopped, and looked at Olivia.

 

"Are you sure?" He said, remembering last night's events.

"Yes." Olivia replied "Just do it." 

Softly, he squeezed her breast and she moaned. He kissed her again and massaged her. The unbidden image of Kathy came back, but Olivia forced herself to continue. Tears began to stream down her face, causing Elliot to break apart and remove his hand. 

"Olivia," He said. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She replied. "Let's just get this over with." 

Elliot was stunned. 

"Olivia. This isn't something I want to get over with. You... you mean a lot to me. I'm not just going to fuck you knowing you're not ready for this."

"Just do it Elliot. I can't move forward until you do." 

Elliot looked into Olivia's eyes.

"You're not ready. You're still grieving. I won't take advantage of you."

"Well, I'm tired of being cock blocked by your dead wife so if we can just make this happen maybe she'll go away."

"Or maybe" Elliot replied slowly. "You need to grieve. I know she was your friend too. You saw her on that stretcher after the explosion. You're hurting too."

Olivia began to cry

"It's not fair. I just..." 

Elliot pulled her close.

"I'm here. I'm not leaving you again." 

He held her and rubbed her back and let her cry on his shirt.

"When it's time, we will both know" He said.