Actions

Work Header

Llamas and Siblings and Pies, Oh my!

Work Text:

Edwin added Lizzie, Marti, Casey, Derek and Nora to a group

Edwin: I’ve invited you all here today to talk about the elephant in the room.

Edwin: wtf is up with dads moustache

Edwin: its like a snake on his face

Casey: That seems harsh?

Derek: you havent seen it

Casey: Neither have you?

Derek: yh but itd be like me growing a tache

Casey: …

Casey: Point taken.

Nora: Hi kids! I like it! 👎

Nora: Oops! 

Nora: I meant 👍

Lizzie: it’s not great but hey it’s a choice !

Marti added George to the chat

Marti: hi dad welcome to ur intervention

Marti: shave the tache

Edwin removed George from the chat

Edwin: hey this was to discuss our thoughts

Edwin: he’s not involved

Lizzie: I feel like he should be involved with his own face?

Derek: i don’t

Marti added George to the chat

Marti: dad

Marti: shave it

Casey: Is it that bad?

Marti sent img_20140201.08.jpg

Derek: holy shit

Casey: OK !

Derek: dad

Derek: dad no

Derek named the chat “ intervention

 

Sibs Chat 🍟

Casey: Why is it ginger?

Marti: truly who the fuck knows

 

intervention 

Derek: why have u done this

George: Hi everyone.

Derek: we dont have the bone structure for this

George: It’s a work in progress.

Derek: why ruin our perfect face

George: But I think it has potential.

Derek: its fuckign awful

Nora: We just need to give it some time!

Derek: im going to shave it off in your sleep

Derek: im going to drive home in the middle of the night and shave it off in your sleep

Derek: ed do u have a beard trimmer or do i need to bring my own

Edwin: only a razor 

Lizzie: he’s been using the same one for like a year its blunt as hell

Marti: smerek its like a 5 hr round trip

Marti: am*zon prime me one and i’ll do it

 

Derek: u went quiet u ok

Casey: If you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all !

Casey: Never grow a moustache.

Derek: Noted 🤝

Derek: also just leaving

Casey: For London!?

Derek: no for home?

Derek: iv primed a beard trimmer to smarti for tht

Derek: see u in 20 x

 


 

Edwin added Lizzie and Marti to a group

Edwin: I’ve invited you all here today to talk about the elephant in the room.

Lizzie: why do you keep doing this?

Edwin: wtf is with the murder sibs

Marti: what do u mean

Edwin: derek and casey

Marti named the chat “ cool sibs xoxo

Lizzie: also we already HAVE a group chat why did you need to make another one

Edwin: i just prefer twitter dms idk

Lizzie: I’m going to block you

Edwin: also made it easier to share these

Marti: ed. WHAT DO U MEAN

Edwin shared a tweet from @THEderekvent_uri: @casey_mcd paddington_2-bucket.gif

Marti: ?

Edwin shared a tweet from @THEderekvent_uri: @casey_mcd toothbrush-paddington_bear.gif

Edwin shared a tweet from @THEderekvent_uri: @casey_mcd paddington-bathtub.gif

Lizzie: ok this is a lot of gifs

Edwin shared a tweet from @THEderekvent_uri: @casey_mcd be_serious-fruti_hat-paddington_2.gif

Lizzie: are these all… paddington?

Edwin shared a tweet from @THEderekvent_uri: @casey_mcd paddington_bear-escalator.gif

Marti: is this

Marti: every single one of casey’s tweets

Edwin shared a tweet from @THEderekvent_uri: @casey_mcd paddington_2-prison-scowl.gif

Edwin: YES.

Edwin: HE REPLIES. TO EVERY SINGLE TWEET. WITH A GIF OF PADDINGTON BEAR.

Lizzie: for how long?

Edwin: FOR MONTHS. 

Edwin: I CHECKED. FOR THE LAST TEN MONTHS.

Edwin: AND

Lizzie: i’m looking now

Edwin: THEY’RE ALWAYS RELEVANT

Lizzie: he’s never used the same one twice???????

 

smarek

Marti: u were supposed to be being subtle

Derek: ?

Marti: paddington_2-prison-scowl.gif

 

cool sibs xoxo

Marti: its probably a bit?

Edwin: but like,,,,

Edwin: why

Marti: its smerek idk

Edwin: its a cry for help

Edwin: hes trying to tell us something

Lizzie: or

Lizzie: he’s trying to tell casey something ?

Edwin: 🤔

 


 

intervention

Nora sent img_20140203.01.jpg

Nora: Date night! 🥂

Derek: good work smarti!

Casey: Looks lovely!

Marti: he did it himself!

Marti: i snuck into their bedroom in the middle of the night and the fucker was already gone

Nora: I’ll admit, he does look much better without it…

Nora: Sorry hunny!

George: Hey!

Lizzie: you should keep hold of the beard trimmer though marti the leafs are looking good this season

Lizzie: so you might have some more work to come

Derek: excuse u playoff beards are different

Casey: Are they though?

Edwin: yes

Derek: they fucking are

George: Definitely yes.

Edwin: if anyone shaves off a playoff beard and we lose theyre sleeping in the yard

Edwin: i’ll lock them outside

Edwin: and barricade the door

Lizzie: … still tempting not gonna lie

Derek: anyway, intervention over

Derek: a pleasure working with you all

Derek left the chat

Marti added Derek to the chat

Marti: hey! this has been nice!

Lizzie: marti’s right this is the only chat we have with all of us

Edwin: minus simon

Casey: Simon is five.

Edwin: so... we need to get him a cell?

Casey: 🤦♀️

Derek named the chat “ McTuri Fam

Derek: fine i’ll stay but i’m at least muting it

 


 

McTuri Fam

Marti: i thought the leafs looked good this season?

Edwin: marti. stop. 

George: It’s because I shaved off my moustache isn’t it 😓

Casey: It’s only one game! Out of like 80!

Lizzie: still in a playoff spot 

Derek: thankfully

Derek: but dads not allowed to shave again

 


 

cool sibs xoxo

Edwin shared a tweet from @casey_mcd: @THEderekvent_uri hugh_grant-paddington_2-carnival.gif

Edwin: well well well how the turns table

Lizzie: ?

Edwin: now CASEY is the one replying to DEREK with paddington gifs

Marti: so?

Marti: they’re friends?

Marti: also why are you stalking their twts?

Marti: i just checked and you dont even follow either of them

Marti: u dont even follow either of us back either wtf ed

Lizzie: what?

Edwin: not from this account no

Lizzie: edwin that’s just weird

Marti: well thats not creepy at ALL

Lizzie: how did you even start this chat ?

Edwin: i followed u to do that

Edwin: and then soft blocked u both

Edwin: its irrelevant but i like to keep this timeline clean ok

Marti: so u only follow miley cyrus, tim hortons, kfc, and the official maple leafs acc

Lizzie: wow

Marti: i genuinely dont even have a joke to add

Marti: thats just the list

Edwin: personally im feeling quite attacked right now

Marti: good bc we’re attacking u

Marti: also im bored lizzie u have fun with this jackass x

Lizzie: you’re on twitter like all the time i don’t understand?

Edwin: … 

Edwin: on my other acc

Edwin: which no im not telling u guys what it is

Edwin: also WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS

Edwin: I PROVIDED NEW DATA

Edwin: THE PADDINGTON GIFS GO BOTH WAYS !!

Lizzie shared a tweet from @casey_mcd: @THEderekvent_uri love_actually-alone_again.gif

Lizzie: no, they don’t

Lizzie: your sample size was insufficient

Lizzie shared a tweet from @casey_mcd: @THEderekvent_uri terrible_spy-man_from_u_n_c_l_e.gif

Lizzie shared a tweet from @casey_mcd: @THEderekvent_uri shake-yo-ass_aab.gif

Lizzie: literally none of her other replies are paddington 

Lizzie: they are all gifs tho, no words. so that’s definitely A Thing for them i guess

Edwin: 👀

Lizzie: dont read too far into it

Edwin: 👀👀

Lizzie: we’re not teenagers anymore we’re supposed to be adults

Edwin: 👀👀👀

Lizzie: stop it

Edwin: 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

Lizzie: i hate you

 


 

smarek

Derek: yo smarts

Derek: can u run some interference this weekend

Marti: what do u need

Marti: and whats in it for me

Derek: our unending gratitude 

Derek: case also says a pie of your choice

 

smasey

Marti: choc chip cookie?

Casey: With or without caramel?

Marti: omg. with pls!!

Casey: Done. I’ll bring it when we come visit next month xxx

 

smarek

Marti: sorted with casey how can i help

Derek: we need you to stall leaving on saturday

Derek: nora said ur gonna get here by 12

Derek: we need it to be at least like

Derek: 2pm?

Marti: ? i mean sure but

Marti: why?

Derek: so we have time to make it look like we dont share a bedroom

Marti: ah k

Marti: uv got like 3 days to do that tho what diff does 2 hours make

Derek: we’re out of town rn

Derek sent img_20140210.18.jpg

Marti: ooh looks SWISH

Marti: is that CHAMPAGNE

Derek: yh i got skills i went all out

Marti: any particular reason?

Derek: our anniversary

Marti: isn’t that a bit much for like 6 months smerek

Derek: 😂

Derek: smarts its been two years

Marti: wait

Marti: WHAT

 


 

McTuri Fam

Marti: yo ETA for the big t is like 4pm sorry simon got sick !

Casey: What!? Is he OK!?

Casey: We totally get it if you need to cancel.

Lizzie: woah what happened he looked fine when i left for practice this morning?

Nora: Don’t worry girls, he’s sleeping it off on the drive.

 

Casey x Mom

Nora: Sorry Casey I know we were supposed to be there already by now xx

Casey: It’s fine, is Simon OK?

Nora: He’s good I promise 

Casey: Is it like the flu? Or a stomach bug?

Nora: No we would have stayed home if that was the case.

Nora: He got a crayon stuck up his nose.

 

smarek

Derek: LOL

Derek: nice job

Derek: what colour was it

Marti: i didnt actually do anythin

Marti: red! 

Marti: well a green one first

Marti: but we could only see the red one

Derek: what do u mean u didnt do anythin

Marti: he found them on his own

Marti: do i still get a pie

Derek: …

Derek: yh but dont tell case

Derek: and u have to share it with si

Marti: 👍

 


 

Derek: do u think theyd notice if i crept into ur room

Casey: MY room?

Derek: … our room

Casey: Mom IS a pretty light sleeper

Casey: But also their hotel is like 3 blocks away Der, why are you even in the spare room?

Casey: I thought you were just staying up to watch the game

Derek: i was but

Derek: what if they can TELL

Casey: It doesn’t stop you when we’re at their house!

Casey: What’s taking you so long

Casey: I can’t sleep without you 😩

 


 

cool sibs xoxo

Edwin: marti any update from casa del sib?

Marti: what.. kind of update?

Marti: we only saw them for a couple of hours over dinner so far

Marti: they cant exactly communicate in gifs verbally can they

Edwin: idk any like

Edwin: vibes

Marti: … 

Marti: what kind of vibes?

Edwin: … weird ones?

Lizzie: 🙄

Lizzie: marti: ed thinks derek and casey are hiding something and wants to know what

Lizzie: we’re 2 bottles of wine in and its conspiracy theory central here !

Edwin: I JUST THINK

Edwin: DEREK IS BEING SNEAKY

Marti: isnt sneaky smerek’s default?

Edwin: touche

Lizzie: no, you think he’s been replaced by a changeling

Edwin: i did NOT say that 

Lizzie: or that he murdered jfk

Edwin: … 

Edwin: tbf i did say that one

Marti: im going to sleep enjoy those hangovers xoxo

Edwin: i also think he had smth to do with the titanic sinking

Lizzie: ed

Lizzie: go the fuck to sleep

 


 

Sibs Chat 🍟

Casey sent img_20140215.03.jpg

Casey: Ice cream on Centre Island!

Lizzie: wow ! really hitting them tourist spots !

Lizzie: wish i was there too xx

Edwin: marti bring me back some ice cream

Lizzie: ed they’re not coming home til tomorrow

Marti: it’ll melt ?

Edwin: did i fucking stutter?

Lizzie: shut up

Lizzie: casey take them on the ghost train! it used to freak me out so much as a kid

Marti: oh we already did that !

Marti: pretty sure dad nearly broke nora’s hand

Derek: to be fair to dad

Derek: it was one freaky ride

Lizzie: isn’t it made to scare little kids ?

Derek: some things are scary for all ages!!

Casey: Yes, Lizzie. Yes it is.

 

bro

Edwin: did u scream

Derek: i will end you

Edwin: fine

Edwin: i’ll ask marti

 

McTuri Fam

Edwin: marti how did derek handle the ghost train

Derek left the chat

Marti: like a champ

George: How did you know we’d been on the ghost train?

Edwin: i knew it

Edwin: tears !

Marti: dw dad

Casey: Ed, shut up.

Marti: theres multiple chats

Casey added Derek to the chat

Derek: casey

Derek: why

Casey: Because you’ll regret it if something important happens!

Casey: Also last time you promised Marti you’d stay

Marti: 🥰

Nora sent img_20140215.45.jpg

Nora: Simon’s having fun !

Lizzie: the petting zoo !! 🐐

Edwin: can we have a pet llama

George: Ooh!

Nora: No.

George: Where would we get it from?

Edwin: theres literally one in that picture

Edwin: grab it

Lizzie: george no

Nora: 🙄

Edwin: @derek llama lllaaaaaaammmmma

Derek: this ones bitey

Derek: and wearing a tracking bracelet

Edwin: but a different one … ?

Derek: 👀

Edwin: 👀👀

Casey: 🙄😒

 


 

cool sibs xoxo

Marti shared a tweet from @casey_mcd: @THEderekvent_uri big_pants-bjd.gif

Marti: ok this ones weird

Lizzie: i thought ed was the stalker

Marti: eh

Marti: i was bored

Marti: anyway gifs of underwear is weird

Lizzie: its from bridget jones !

Marti: even if they aren’t sexy

Lizzie: a classic !

Edwin: glad to have u on board marti 🤝

Marti shared a tweet from @THEderekvent_uri: @casey_mcd p2-washing_machine.gif

Marti: god now they’re replying to gifs with gifs

Marti: where does this end

Edwin: derek still on paddington i see

Marti: always

Marti: apparently

Edwin: why does he have a theme and casey doesnt

Lizzie: because derek likes to make things harder than they need to be for himself?

Marti: 😂😂😂

 


 

Casey x Lizzie

[Call ended 01:43:28]

Casey: I literally called you to see if you were free Friday night and then didn’t even ask !!

Casey: But if you don’t have plans and wanna come to the movies with Emily and I then you should

Lizzie: nearly 2 hours we were on the phone case !

Lizzie: what movie?

Casey: Pompeii. Derek says it looks crap or else we would’ve seen it when it came out last month 😭

Casey: To be fair, it does look crap. Em just wants to thirst over Kit Harrington

Lizzie: pretty but not my type

Lizzie: however, lots of lava

Lizzie: i’m in

Casey: Also Emily Browning… 

Lizzie: 😍

 


 

Edwin x Casey

Edwin: excuse me why is marti getting a pie

Casey: Because she asked for one?

Edwin: well i want one

Casey: Too late. We’re literally on our way to London right now!

Edwin: then i want some of hers

Casey: That’s up to Marti.

Casey: And if she wants to share.

Edwin named the chat “ get edwin a pie

Casey: 🙄

Casey named the chat “ No ❤️

Casey: Tell mom we’ll be there in like an hour and a half! 🥰

Edwin: 🖕

 

smasey

Casey sent screenshot_20140313.jpg

Casey: Just to let you know.

Casey: This pie will need protection.

Marti: i’ll bite him if he tries to steal it

Marti: thnx for the heads up

 

stop changing the wifi password

Marti named the chat “ this is my fucking pie

Marti: 😈

Edwin named the chat “ challenge accepted

 


 

Derek: did i imagine last night or… ?

Casey: Shhhhhhh

Derek: where even are u

Derek: i get sneaking out of my room but like

Derek: what is this hide and seek

Casey: Sure, Der. Good luck finding me!

Derek: its k i’ve got si helping

Casey: Oh my g o d 

Casey: I’m out with Em!!!

Derek: …

Derek: i’ll call the kiddo off

Casey: Remember you promised Ed you’d take him to the mall

Derek: 👍

Derek: oh shit yh i’ll wake him up now

Derek: gonna buy him a stuffed llama whilst were there too

Derek: thnx xxx

Casey: 💖

Derek: 💞

 


 

cool sibs xoxo

Edwin: so right i was in dereks room

Marti: i hate this already

Lizzie: please think carefully before sharing

Edwin: ? 

Edwin: ok now i need to know what u guys are assuming

Lizzie: something to do with some sort of bodily functions

Marti: shenanigans

Marti: but it scares me when its just u two

Edwin: si was in there too does that help?

Marti: …

Lizzie: not sure actually

Marti: solid no from me

Lizzie: but carry on, you’ve piqued my interest

Edwin sent img_20140315.02.jpg

Lizzie: edwin please never send me pictures of lingerie ever again

Lizzie: in ANY context

Lizzie: EVER

Edwin: they were like

Edwin: partially under the bed

Edwin: si fucking got caught in them

Lizzie: god how long have they been there

 

smarek

Marti: YOU OWE ME

 

cool sibs xoxo

Marti: ohhhhhh shit

Marti: oh my god this totally makes sense

Lizzie: ?

Marti: derek and emily !!!!

Edwin: what

Lizzie: WHAT

Edwin: what year is this

Lizzie: we’ve done this already surely

Lizzie: what the FUCK

 

smarek

Derek: ?

Marti: BIG TIME

 

cool sibs xoxo

Marti: like isn’t it obvious? 

Marti: derek being weird for the last however long?

Marti: casey def is in on it !!

Marti: she was out with u both last night right lizzie?

Marti: and casey left super early this morning to meet up with her!!

Lizzie: oh my god

Lizzie: except she probably didn’t leave to meet her because emily WAS IN DEREK’S ROOM ALL NIGHT

Edwin: she must have snuck in late or something

Edwin: or maybe not even snuck in idk just stayed over ‘‘‘‘with casey’’’’

Edwin: CASEY COVERING

Edwin sent mind_blown.gif

Edwin: THIS IS INSANE

Edwin: WHAT DO WE DO

Marti: idk like??? clearly they’re not ready to tell 😔😔

Lizzie: right

Lizzie: ed: put emily’s underwear back where u found it

Lizzie: marti: can u try to get it out of derek???

Marti: aye aye, cap’n! i can certainly try!

 

smarek

Marti: ur an absolute moron xoxo

 


 

challenge accepted

Marti named the chat “ i will set fire to that llama if you throw it at me ONE MORE TIME

Edwin named the chat “ 🦙

 


 

McTuri Fam

Nora: Miss you both already! 😂😂😂

Nora: It’s nice when everyone’s here xxx

Lizzie: mom not sure that’s the emoji you meant to send?

Nora: 😂 ?

Marti: nora that’s definitely the tears of laughter face

Nora: I’m crying because I’m sad!

Derek: 😂😂

Lizzie: helpful derek

Lizzie: i take it casey’s driving?

Derek: of course

Derek: dont text and drive kiddos!

Lizzie: i’m 21 !

Derek: when the fuck did that happen

Nora: 😭

Marti: nailed it, nor!

 


 

cool sibs xoxo

Lizzie: any update?

Marti: smerek’s not telling me anything soz

Marti: i’ll keep trying

Edwin: wonder if he’d tell me?

Lizzie: nah

Marti: probs not

Edwin: ouch. savage. 

Edwin: we do TALK yknow

Lizzie: about your dating lives or?

Edwin: ew no

Edwin: my dating life is nobody else’s business

Marti: of course not

Marti: ur dating life is just between u and ur hand !

Edwin: 😤

 


 

McTuri Fam

Lizzie: so

Lizzie: the devils

Derek: dont u dare

Derek: i will leave this chat again

Marti: no u wont

Marti: how many games in a row have u lost now?

Casey: The last 5, if I’m counting correctly

Edwin: ur all terrible sisters

Nora: Edwin!

George: 😰

Derek: its ok 

Derek: we can pull this back

Edwin: sure

George: Right

Edwin: we just have to win every single game

George: And hope the Bruins all get injured simultaneously

Derek: yh! that’d do it!

Casey: I thought

Casey: And, I quote:

Casey: “This is the season!”

George: 😧

Derek: 💔

Edwin: 💀

 


 

cool sibs xoxo

Lizzie: i think casey is seeing someone

Marti: nice

Lizzie: no i think she’s seeing someone and she hasn’t told me?

Marti: oh 😟

Lizzie: not quite sure how i feel about this

Edwin: evidence?

Lizzie shared a tweet from @casey_mcd: [fondness intensifies] 😍🥰 img_20140403.01.jpg

Lizzie: this is like!

Lizzie: boyfriend level!

Edwin: wait

Edwin: hold the fuck up

Edwin: i’ve seen that bracelet before

Lizzie: it’s a pretty common brand

Edwin: no i mean

Edwin: with those exact charms

Edwin: has derek replied yet

Marti: oh god

Lizzie: not yet?

Lizzie: ed wtf is wrong with you

Edwin sent pepe_silvia-iasip.jpg

Edwin: derek

Edwin: and casey

Marti: shit

Lizzie: … what

Lizzie: w h a t 

Marti: ed

Edwin: i was literally with him!!

Edwin: when he bought that bracelet!!

Marti: well fuck me

Marti: guess that’s that cat out of the bag

Edwin: excuse me

Edwin: YOU KNEW

Edwin: LIZZIE WHY ARE YOU NOT REACTING

Edwin: LIZZIE

Edwin: LIZ

Marti: shit

Edwin: LIZ LIZ LIZ LIZ LIZ 

Marti: she’s on the phone with casey

Marti: GO DISTRACT DAD AND NORA FOR FUCKS SAKE EDWIN

 

Sibs Chat 🍟

Derek sent paddington_2-prison_dance_number.gif

Marti: trying to break the ice?

Derek: is it working?

Edwin: what’s with your obsession with paddington bear derek

Derek: he’s a cute motherfucker that’s what

Lizzie: no

Marti: oh good they’re off the phone

Lizzie: i mean, yes he is

Lizzie: but no we’re not talking about that right now

Lizzie: TWO YEARS?

Marti: deep breaths guys

Edwin: HOW LONG!?

Casey: I thought you weren’t mad!

Lizzie: no i’m not but i’m still processing!!

Marti: yh that got me too i thought it had only been a recent thing til the other month

Edwin: i cant believe u knew

Marti: its bc i pay attention 👏👏

Derek: no its bc u think my bedroom has an open door policy 

Edwin: yikes

Lizzie: ew 

Casey: We’re NOT reliving that, thank you very much

Casey: Look we just

Casey: Didn’t know how to tell anyone?

Lizzie: so you decided not to?

Derek: pretty much

Casey: Yeah

Marti: hows that worked out for you

Derek: alright so far tbh

Edwin: ok but seriously

Edwin: paddington bear?

Casey: Why are you so hung up on this?

Edwin: BC ITS EVERY SINGLE TWEET!!

Derek: case replies to all of my tweets too?

Edwin: SHE DOESN’T HAVE A THEME

Casey: 😂

Derek: 😂😂

Derek: oh man

Casey: Wow

Derek: yh 

Casey: I do

Derek: she does

Marti: i hate everything about this conversation

 


 

💍

George: Do I really need to put fresh sheets on both their beds?

Nora: Yes hunny they’ll tell us when they’re ready to tell us !!

George: We’ll be dead before that happens.

Nora: I know it seems like a waste

Nora: But we want them to be comfortable

George: It’s been years, Nora.

George: So many years.

Nora: They’ll tell us one day

George: Yeah, when the leafs make the play-offs!

 


 

Sibs Chat 🍟

Lizzie: it’s fucking hugh grant movies

Lizzie: every gif. for the last three years.

Lizzie has left the chat