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i miss you more than anything

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When they were kids and had sleepovers, they'd always end up falling asleep on top of each other. They stayed up reading, talking, making music, whatever, but as the night dragged on, their exhaustion got the best of them. Min-Gi's family would insist on bringing out a spare mattress, but Ryan would barely even use it. 

Time passed by. Around middle school was the point when they realized "huh. Maybe we shouldn't be sharing a bed?" and eventually, shame and embarrassment surrounded the thought. That wasn't normal, was it? They should stop before anything happens.

And then, abruptly, all the sleepovers stopped. It used to be every single weekend, but now, nothing. Min was focused on other things, and Ryan felt alone most Friday nights. At least Min was still his friend, even if they weren't conjoined at the hip anymore.

And then, the funniest thing happened.

 


 

The van was cold. Freezing. It was quiet, empty, almost depressing. But at least he wasn't alone anymore. He had her, a nice hippie girl he had met after his last breakup. They were together; it was nice. It was nice. It was nice. It was nice.

He kept repeating it to himself. Yeah, it was great. Amazing. She kept him company, listened to his rambling, supported his music. They were great together.

So why did he feel so weird?

His time on the road was hard. He needed someone with him, but it never worked out. They would leave, and he'd be alone again. The same cycle, over and over again. It was repetitive and boring. Maybe Min was right to leave. His brain would never shut up, and it sure as hell wasn't shutting up now. Not when he had his arms around a girl he barely even knew. Not when he hid his insecurities behind fake names and shitty breakup songs. Not when he wanted to go back home so badly, that it almost pained him to see another 'Now Entering' sign, even after a decade of wanting to explore the world. Not when he wasn't with...

He was homesick.

 


 

Sleeping was hard when you were stuck on a pocket-dimension, never-ending, therapy-or-die train. They were often forced into close quarters of each other, and usually ended up kicking one another through the night. It was pretty uncomfortable.

But luckily for them, they'd finally found a safe place to rest. Mostly safe. Besides for that time a couple of hours ago where the castle tried to kill them. But now it was safe. Probably? It was confusing. At least there were beds, pillows, food, and...Ryan was spending his time in an uncomfortable wooden chair with nothing but a blanket. It was great! He was doing great.

Yet, he still yearned for Min-Gi, but he also wanted to scream if someone dared to touch him. He wanted to feel secure again, even if it meant curling up in a cramped bathroom, but he wanted to be alone, with no sound and no fighting and absolutely nothing. Maybe he just didn't want to exist.

He pulled the blanket around himself. He didn't want to be here.

 


 

The first night back was hard. Despite their parents' (Min-Gi's. Ryan's didn't even know they'd left.) persistence, they both insisted on staying together. And now they were in Min's room, in Min's bed, sleeping peacefully for the first time in weeks. Maybe months? How long had they been on that train? That was a question for another time.

The two were currently fighting back tears as they pulled each other close. Why were they crying? Maybe it was the stress, maybe it was the fact that they had left Kez and were never going to see her again. Who knows. As for the hugging—they'd gotten used to sleeping together, it felt weird to do anything else. It felt unsafe. That's why it was so hard during their stay at Morgan's. And now they were just trying to feel safer, of course. 

They were safe together.