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English
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Published:
2021-06-24
Updated:
2023-05-08
Words:
8,493
Chapters:
6/?
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24
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149
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3,466

A Happier Season

Chapter Text

Having forgotten to pick up her keys when she stormed out, Abby found herself ringing the doorbell to her own home. It was a little embarrassing, really. She had a hard time pressing her finger against the button and hesitated several times before doing so. Abby knew she hadn’t acted in the most mature manner. Tearing her ring off, going straight to see Riley. It was stupid and crazy and she found herself struggling to think why it had ever seemed like a sensible idea.

The door opened, far too slowly. Abby held her breath, unsure how Harper would react to her return.

Harper said nothing, which somehow felt worse than if she had yelled. Her arms were folded. Her eyebrows were raised. Abby knew she didn’t deserve such a calm welcome.

Abby pushed a few strands of her hair behind her ear before bowing her head and shoving her hands deep into the pockets of her jacket. The silence was awkward, as Harper’s eyes bored into her. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

“It’s okay,” Harper admitted with a shrug of her shoulders. “I have no right to tell you who to spend time with. I just wish you hadn’t stormed off as you did. I also wish we’d admitted to ourselves earlier that things just aren’t working out.”

Abby’s brow furrowed. She wasn’t sure exactly when they had admitted things weren’t working out, but it hardly mattered. She licked her lips. Anxiety had caused her mouth to suddenly become very dry. She didn’t know whether to be honest or hide the truth in order to smooth things over. Of course, lies had never helped their relationship. “Can I come in?” She asked stupidly, as if she didn’t live there.

Harper nodded then moved to one side to allow Abby access.

Abby walked in and headed for the lounge. “Come sit with me?”

Again, Harper nodded. Still, she was silent. She seemed distant, her face was very pale. Abby knew that nothing good was about to happen, but she made the decision then that whatever did happen, it would be as good as it possibly could be.

Sitting on their small, leather sofa felt rather too intimate for the inevitable conversation. Pushed close together, it almost felt as though things could be okay again. It almost felt as though they should talk about how their relationship could move forward. No. It would only delay the inevitable and cause further pain in the long run. Still, despite this she still took a hold of Harper’s hand, although she perhaps gripped it much more tightly than she ever had before. Harper didn’t object or try to stop her.

“I have to be honest. I just met with Riley and uh, it was kinda stupid, considering what we just fought about,” she chuckled, it suddenly occurring to her how ridiculous the situation was. “You weren’t wrong.”

Harper looked surprised, her eyes widening. “I didn’t realise that’s who you’d gone to, but I should have known,” she sighed. “It’s fine,” Harper said, although her quiet, melancholic voice suggested that nothing was really fine. “We both know that this isn’t just about Riley. This is about us just not working any more. I’ve always been really good at being who the people I’m around needed me to be. Since I came out to my parents I’ve been trying to just be more me. I’m not saying you should just go straight to Riley and start something with her. But um. God, this is so embarrassing,” she rolled her eyes, looking up at the ceiling for a moment. “When we met I could tell you needed someone with an edge. Someone who wasn’t afraid to just take the bull by the horns, you know? That’s not really me. So I used to ask myself what would Riley do? Riley is literally perfect for you. In some ways she’s who you fell in love with, and that’s why I got so freaked out to have her suddenly around again.”

“No. I fell in love with a version of you, not Riley. I don’t love Riley. I haven’t even known her long enough to say that. I’m really sorry that you didn’t get to come out in the best way. But, like. We can work through that together. I’m willing to go to therapy with you. Anything” She couldn’t help it. Despite having told herself no, she ended up trying anyway. Agreeing to therapy was a big thing for Abby. She’d been when her parents had died and found the whole process so contrived. She’d been unable to be open in such an environment and after hours of stilted conversation with a clearly frustrated therapist, she had sworn never to attempt such a thing again.

“Oh, Abby.” For a moment Harpers gentle tone made it seem as though she was going to say yes, but then the other seemed to come to her senses. “We have to let each other go,” she said as she glanced towards their hands, hers still clasped within Abby’s. “It’s really stupid of us to try to cling to something that’s never gonna be what either of us wants it to be. I love you, but it’s like we’re running perpendicular. So, so close. But we’re never quite gonna be in exactly the same place at the same time.”

“I love you too,” Abby’s voice wavered.

“Do you? Or do you love a version of me who doesn’t exist any more? A version who you hope to see every day. Do you love me, or are you just waiting, hoping things are gonna go back to how they were? They’re not.”

“I don’t know.” Abby shook her head, suddenly feeling very lost and confused.

“Well, I do,” Harper said as she pulled her hand out of Abby’s. “I also know that we’re ending this now, before we hate each other.” Now it was time for Harper’s voice to break. “Cos I don’t think I can handle you hating me,” she said in a whisper before wiping away her tears.

“I would never hate you,” Abby declared passionately, sounding almost angry that Harper thought such a thing could ever be possible.

“You would. Eventually. Give me your hand.”

“I don’t...no.” Even with her mind made up, she still fought against it. Of course she did. She was terrified of being left all alone again. Alone in the world with no clue how to be alone. Of course, this time would be different. This time she would know what to do. Not that it made the pain and fear any less.

“Yes.” Harper slipped her engagement ring from her finger and pressed it into Abby’s palm, along with Abby’s own ring which she had been carrying in her pocket. “Take them. I want you to have them. We had some good times. Remember those. You don't have to give up this place or anything, either. I’m gonna move in with mom and dad for a bit.”

Abby sighed, before standing. “I need a minute,” She said as she felt her chest tighten and suddenly the simple act of breathing felt almost impossible.

Alone in the bathroom, Abby clung to the sink as she stared into the mirror, wondering how on earth she had gotten to where she was. She was far too old to be looking for the right person. Too much longer and she really was going to wind up alone. And then she realised, she wasn’t upset at losing Harper, simply terrified of the prospect of being alone. That’s when she knew that the decision was correct. Any doubts left. She had her moment. She shed a few tears before splashing some cold water into her face, taking a deep breath and going back out to face something that would be so very difficult whilst also being exactly what both of them needed.

“You need any help packing?” Abby asked brightly as she unclasped the necklace she wore and slid the two rings Harper had given her onto it. The brightness was slightly forced, but it showed how she intended to continue. She wouldn’t dwell. She refused to act sad, even though her heart was just a little broken. She had loved Harper once, afterall. The least she could do was be amicable, even if they wound up not being friends. “Not that I’m trying to rush you.”

“Oh, God, yes please. If you don’t mind. You don’t have to.”

“No, but I want to. Like you said, I don’t hate you. Yet,” she added with a wink.

Harper smiled, then her eyes narrowed slightly as she hesitated. “Are we sure this is the right thing?”

“Were you happy?”

Harper shook her head.

“We both deserve to be happy. So yeah,” Abby chewed on her lip, her vow to not be sad wavering for a moment. “This kinda sucks. But it’s the right thing to do.”